Disappointment

After his recovery, Commander Ho was reluctant to face Lan for quite some time.

It was only human. Lan was very sympathetic towards his embarrassment, and in order to express his loyalty, decided to perform a bit of a confession.

“Ji-Ch’ing, why are you avoiding me?” he said with a sincere smile. “Are you going to let an attachment as intimate as our fall apart simply because of such a little thing? Besides, you were the one who took initiative. If anything I should be the one sulking. I didn't even pay it any mind, why are you still letting it bother you?”

Commander Ho stood before him as he spoke. He could neither listen to him nor tune him out, so having no other choice, merely stood there shamelessly and played deaf.

Seeing that the Commander remained unmoved, Lan realized he had no alternative but to act in earnest. He steeled his heart, and stepped forward to pull Commander Ho into a tight embrace.

“Ji-Ch’ing,” he said with a long sigh, “what on earth should I do to make you happy?”

Breathing in Lan's scent, Commander Ho's body softened slowly.

Lan patted him on the back like he was pacifying a child. “Ji-Ch’ing, please stop sulking,” he said, then inched closer to Commander Ho's ear and chuckled lightly. “Are you angry because you didn't get to take advantage of your dear brother?”

Only then did Commander Ho allow a trace of a smile to show on his face. “What sort of brother are you to me?”

- : -

Lan Bai-Shan's job consisted of more than just flirting with Commander Ho. For instance, after he managed to coax the Commander into coming around, he must set out for Hsian at once and pay a visit to Chao Chen-Sheng. A sworn enemy of Chao, Fu Yang-Shan had relied on his position as the chairman and displayed a dismissive attitude towards the miscellaneous Anguo Army. Commander Ho tolerated his arrogance, since he knew if he so much as swayed a little in Chao's direction, Fu would surely be the one to come running to him.

He'd hated to make Lan leave, but surveying the entirety of the Anguo Army, there didn't seem to be any other presentable candidate. He obviously harboured some bias, and had unconsciously held Lan higher than he deserved to be.

With Lan's departure, Commander Ho's life went back on its usual track. He sat home and engaged in battles of wits with his subordinates, feeling both tense and bored.

Li Shih-Yao visited him with considerably more frequency, bringing with him all sorts of trivialities unworthy of mentioning, and seemed to be intentionally harassing Commander Ho. Commander Ho was pestered beyond his endurance, and in the end, simply stopped receiving Li.

Shunning Li for good, however, was not a plausible solution, since there were times when he actually had important business to discuss. Commander Ho wanted to tell Li to stop coming to him for every little matter, but feared that once Li got his words, he would decide to take the law into his own hands.

Finding no alternative, Commander Ho could only resume putting up with Li.

- : -

This day, Commander Ho was chatting with a band of traveling merchants passing through the area. The company came from Hsian and consisted of a few guerrilla merchants who stopped by Luyang every once in a while, always stocked with large quantities of novelties from Hsian.

They had everything from clothes, shoes, to hats, and from cold cream, hair tonic, to the newest music records, since they knew that Commander Ho of Luyang was the most generous buyer. Commander Ho had grown up in bustling cites, but had since fallen into the desolate backwater town. Time stood still in Luyang; he could only imagine the grand changes taking place in the world outside through little things.

At the moment, Commander Ho was flipping through a pile of celebrity pictures that came with the records. He already had many records, and needed a gramophone to play them.

The merchant leader's surname was Wen, his given name unknown, so his acquaintances called him Wen Nine. Wen Nine was quite young, and wore a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles that made him looked very cultured. Upon hearing Commander Ho's request, he quickly smiled and answered. “Not a problem, please give us another month. We'll certainly be able bring in a record player by then.”

“And some dance music,” Commander Ho added. “Waltz.”

Wen Nine nodded. “And some waltz, of course. Please rest assured, I will have everything ready. In addition—” he paused, and said something hesitantly.

Commander didn't catch it at first, so he asked with some puzzlement: “What?”

Wen Nine repeated each of the syllables with emphasis, a suggestive smile playing on his face.

This time, Commander Ho heard it clearly. Wen Nine was proposing a person to him—these merchants dealt not only in goods, but also in men.

Commander Ho found the situation laughable. Turning his head and glancing outside his window, he took in the clutter of orderlies who stood in a circle shooting the breeze. It was true that he was a bachelor, but he had twenty orderlies, twenty guards, six adjutants, a cook, and a servant. At any rate, he wasn't at any lack of bodies to order about.

The rims of Wen Nine's spectacles gleamed with light. “May I suggest that you take a look first, before you decide?” he said with a low chuckle. “This one used to be a little shizi, so there's no question about his looks. He's got quite the voice as well—if you keep him, he may prove to be a source of entertainment if you ever get bored.”

Commander Ho was deep in thought for a moment, and raised his head in question. “A Shizi. A man?”

Wen Nine continued to smile. “What's wrong with that? What does gender matter to their kind?”

Commander Ho considered this for a moment, then made his reply. “Bring him in and let me take a look.”

- : -

The boy Wen Nine brought in was named Du Ruo, presently sixteen years of age, who had a slender build and a delicate fineness—except he wore a timid expression, which was obviously a result of some brutal disciplining in the recent past.

Commander Ho inquired about Du Ruo's background. According to Wen Nine, his troupe sold him to pay off debt when it was detained in a nearby county. Its owner had an addiction, so he sold an apprentice to make up for his deficit at the opium house.

Commander Ho eyed Du from head to toe, and standing up, stepped in closer to inspect his hands and teeth.

Wen Nine trailed behind him. “See, isn't he a fine thing?”

Commander Ho reached out a hand and touched Du's hair expressionlessly. “How much?”

“Whatever you feel is appropriate, sir.”

“A hundred silver coins.”

“My dear Commander, would you please spare a bit more than that?”

“No. One hundred.”

“All right, one hundred it is then. The boy is yours now, Commander.”

Commander Ho smiled, then turned around and called in Hsiao-Hu loudly. “Give him a bath. Don't let him bring in lice.”

Hsiao-Hu looked at Du Ruo, feeling baffled. “Commander, what's he for?”

“Pillow.”

Hsiao-Hu stared blankly for a few seconds, then understood at once.

“Go get Adjutant Feng,” Commander Ho added. “Let him take them to the accountant's office for their pay.”

- : -

Chao Hsiao-Hu brought Du Ruo into the kitchen and handed him a shoulder pole, instructing him to carry two buckets of hot water into an empty room behind the courtyard.

A large wooden bathtub lay in the vacant room. Hot water filled the bathtub, and emitted a warm steam. Hsiao-Hu stood with crossed arms and tilted his chin at the tub. “Get in and clean yourself. Lay on that soap, get it clean!”

Ruo stood next to the tub and began unbuttoning his collar. Seeing that Hsiao-Hu remained standing by the door, he seemed a little embarrassed and slowed his movements. He lowered his head, and refused to continue his progress.

Hsiao-Hu was well aware of his embarrassment, but stayed at the door on purpose. He didn't press him, merely stood there looking over him up and down.

They stood in stalemate for a moment until Hsiao-Hu lost his patience first. “What are you waiting for?” he snapped. “Do you want me to undress you?”

Ruo jumped. To a commoner like him, soldiers and bandits were the most terrifying beings in the world. He let out a frightened “ah”. His heart beating frantically, he couldn't even utter a complete sentence.

Pulling off his clothes in a hurry, he jumped into the bathtub naked and began lathering on the soap nervously, his head low and his face flushed. Hsiao-Hu stared at him, and gave a sudden sneer. He walked up to the bathtub and drawled: “look at you, sissy boy. Are you a hare(1)?”

Ruo's face was covered in foam. He remained silent and kept on washing.

Hsiao-Hu reached out a hand and gave Ruo's tiny nipple a pinch. “How many men have fucked you?” he asked with a sneer.

Ruo sat huddled in the water, trembling even at his lips. “I—I'm done washing.”

Hsiao-Hu grasped his dripping hair and dragged him closer, then struck him abruptly across his face. On his wet face, the slap sounded especially loud.

Ruo was scared witless. He stared blankly at Hsiao-Hu with wide eyes.

Letting go of him, Hsiao-Hu wiped his hand clean on his jacket. “Wait here. I'm getting clothes for you!”

- : -

Hsiao-Hu found him a set of shapeless cotton uniform that was way too large. In his new outfit, the thin boy looked as if he could crawl out from one of the sleeves. Hsiao-Hu brought him before Commander Ho, but the Commander didn't look his way. He merely asked Hsiao-Hu: “Is he clean?”

“He's clean,” Hsiao-Hu replied with a grin.

Commander Ho glanced at the sky outside the window. “Take him away and give him something to eat, then bring him back.”

Hsiao-Hu voiced an affirmation and took off with Ruo.

- : -

Before the scrutiny of the Ho Residence’s various occupants, Ruo completed a meal of watery congee in trembling terror. Afterwards Hsiao-Hu brought him back to Commander Ho's bedroom, abusing him with the crudest vulgarities on the way. Ruo didn't feel any indignation, just fear.

As he entered the room, he saw a tall slender man with a pale face standing by the candlelight, flipping through a pile of pictures of beautiful people. He knew this was Commander Ho, but could not be completely certain, because although he'd met him twice already, he hadn’t dared to raise his eyes at those times, and so had no knowledge of his actual appearance.

Catching sight of the boy, Commander Ho dropped the pictures and walked over to the bed.

“Take off your clothes,” he said quietly as he seated himself on the bed.

Ruo knew that Commander Ho was an officer of some terribly high rank. Even the soldiers could kill people as they felt like, so the Commander must be the Yama(1). There was no sense in offending the Lord of Hell, if one had any sense of self-preservation.

He slowly removed his shirt and trousers, and walked over to the bed, uncertain of how to proceed.

Commander Ho had changed into a Western-style silk nightgown. He threw Ruo a look, then closed his eyes.

“Get in,” he said.

Acting in compliance, Ruo climbed onto the bed gingerly.

Commander Ho removed his own trousers, then yanking Ruo's hair, pulled his head close to his crotch. “Use your mouth.”

Obediently, Ruo closed his mouth over Commander Ho's flaccid member, and began sucking gently. He made the utmost effort to please the Commander, yet Commander Ho's body seemed completely oblivious of his proceedings. After receiving the mouthwork for some time, the shaft finally showed the slightest signs of arousal.

Commander Ho's eyes remained shut. Ruo's mouth was moist and warm, his tongue soft and clever. He couldn't find any fault with the boy's work, yet something seemed to be missing, and it wasn't enough for him.

A few minutes later, Commander Ho felt like he was ready, so he pushed Ruo away and made him lie face down with his back to him and with his bottom sticking in the air.

Commander Ho knelt behind him and pressed his half erect member against the boy's entrance, then gave a few thrusts. This time he didn't leak, but softened altogether.

Ruo remained in position and shivered, waiting for the Commander to ravish him. Commander Ho did indeed want to ravish him and use him as a substitute for his lover, except sadly, his ability fell quite short of his wishes.

With his hair in Commander Ho's grasp, Ruo's head was yanked again to the Commander's crotch. An exasperated voice fumed with frenzied rage above him. “Use your mouth!”

Ruo was very obedient. Using either of his orifices didn't make any difference to him. He sucked on the man's penis like an infant sucking a breast, devoted and dispassionate.

Commander Ho closed his eyes in misery as sweat rained down his body. Although he had been celibate for years, he still hadn't shown any sign of recovery.

Pulling out a pistol under the pillow, he smashed it brutally into the boy's head. “Get the fuck off!”

Ruo dropped to his side with an agonized howl and raised his hands to cover his head, but blood was already seeping slowly through his fingers.

Murder was on Commander Ho's mind. He never liked androgynous shizis to begin with; the only reason he’ bought one was because he wanted to test whether he was really “able” or not. Now that he acquired the result—and a very depressing one at that—what further use was there keep the boy? Might as well kill him, so he couldn't go out and talk!

The boy could be dispatched, but there was no need to dirty the bed. With a thrust of his leg, Commander Ho kicked the boy to the floor. He raised his pistol and shot him squarely in the chest.

Ruo really was a thin child. His body was blown back with the force of the bullet, falling to the floor and dropping flat on his back without a single sound. A cry, however, went off in the courtyard outside, and the shuffle of footsteps could be heard approaching.

A few guards rushed into the room. “Commander, what happened?”

Calmly, Commander Ho pointed to the floor. “Drag him out and clean the floor. Be quick. I'm tired.”

- : -

Commander Ho slept till midday. When he woke, he saw Hsiao-Hu standing at the desk, fiddling something in his hands with his head bent.

Seeing that he was awake, Hsiao-Hu waved the picture in his hand. “Commander, who’s this?”

Commander Ho squinted his eyes and looked. “Hu-Die,” he mumbled.

“Who's that?”

“A film star.”

Hsiao-Hu started laughing. “And I thought she was somebody's hsiaojieh!”

Commander Ho coughed lightly. “Bumpkin.”

Hsiao-Hu dropped the picture and walked over to the bed, sitting down at its edge. He draped a quilted jacket over Commander Ho's shoulders. “Commander, I heard you killed that little hare last night. Why?”

Commander Ho was puzzled for a second. He'd just woken up and had forgotten about the incident.

“Because... he didn't serve me well.”

Hsiao-Hu tilted his head jubilantly. “When it comes to serving you, I'm always the best! I've been with you for years, has my service ever been anything less than satisfactory?”

Commander Ho turned his head and looked sideways at him. “You'll serve me?”

“Of course!” Hsiao-Hu nodded in a justified and confident way.

Commander Ho stared at Hsiao-Hu tigerish sturdiness. To let this tigerling “serve” him...

Commander Ho suddenly burst out laughing, thinking Hsia-Hu naïve and innocent.

Hsiao-Hu started laughing as well, knowing that the Commander didn't catch his meaning.

(1)兔子—“hare”, or “rabbit”, slang for catamites.

(2) Yama—King of the underworld.