Adachi to Shimamura - Volume 10 - Chapter 4

The Sakura's Ark

Valentine's Day, huh? That was the thought that wound up running through my mind as I sat there, resting my head against my hand in the middle of class. While I had experienced something similar the previous year as well, it was fair to say that this time, the nuances of the situation were more than slightly different. I glanced at Adachi sitting to my right, and wouldn't you know it, our eyes ended up meeting. We spent the next few moments like that, staring at one another, all the while the lesson kept on going around us.

Adachi's eyes were jumping all over the place—as they often did—yet she refused to look away. It was honestly quite bold of her, to keep staring behind her in the middle of class. A part of me wanted to tell her to stop, to focus on the lesson, although that created a whole another problem: How on earth was I meant to communicate that to her without any words? I suppose I could wave my hand or something, but then again, knowing Adachi, there was a good chance that she might interpret it as me saying "go there". Alternatively, if I were to shift my gaze away myself, she might think that she'd done something wrong, and get depressed.

She was a very delicate person like that, and it was exactly for that reason that I occasionally found it so interesting to stand back and observe her from a distance.

And just like that, we kept on staring at one another, until finally...

"That's all."

...the class came to an end, and with it, so did the school day. To think that just a few months ago, the sun would have been starting to set at this hour. It always felt to me like nights were at their longest during December. Was that why Santa chose winter to give out gifts? So that he would have more time to travel around the globe?

Staring outside at the sky glowing faintly yellow, I found myself growing increasingly tired. While I personally preferred my nights to be as dark as possible, I had to admit that there was something oddly relaxing about the idea of sleeping under a blanket of soft light.

Were we still in middle school, I would've been on my way to do sports next. How healthy had my lifestyle once been. I almost felt jealous of my younger self. As I continued reminiscing about the past, I suddenly sensed someone staring at me. Obviously, that someone was Adachi. I could tell as much without even needing to turn around. Either I walked over to her desk, or she came over to mine. Those were the only two possible outcomes these days.

There she stood, clutching her bag, staring at me with her eyes turned slightly upwards.

"You were looking my way, so I figured that you wanted to say something."

"Huh? Hmm... No, I'm pretty sure that it was you who was looking, Adachi", I stated casually. This prompted Adachi to lift her bag higher, as if to hide her face behind it.

"You were looking too..."

"No, I really wasn't."

"B-But, our eyes met, so..."

"Right. I guess they did... Sorry."

No more than a few minutes had passed since then, yet already I was having trouble recalling what exactly had happened. It really was like I'd been dreaming with my eyes open.

The expression on Adachi's face made it clear that she did not get what I was talking about. Understandable. I went ahead and shook my head lightly as if to signal that there was nothing there to get.

"Hahaha. Don't worry about it. Anyway."

My attempt at moving the conversation along only prompted Adachi to continue staring at me intensely.

"Are you mad at me?"

Not one bit, Adachi responded in the way of shaking her head. She then went on to add the following: "You kinda resemble your mother when you do that, I feel."

"Huh? Seriously?"

I wasn't at all a fan of comparisons between myself and that woman. Right away, I could feel a slight pout forming on my face.

"I guess I can see that..."

"...Are you mad at me?"

"No, no. Of course not. I think you're right. It's totally normal for a child to resemble their parents."

That was the case even with Adachi and her mother: the look on both of their faces gave off a similar, painting-like sense of coldness.

Then again, I doubt Adachi would be happy to hear that.

Now, getting back to the topic at hand.

"Let's just say that we were both looking at each other. Sound good?"

"Yeah. Sounds good."

And just like that, agreement was reached. Next up...

"Do you want to drop by somewhere on the way back?"

Seeing how that was something we usually ended up doing regardless, I decided that I might as well take the initiative here. Adachi lowered the bag and began opening her mouth, only for her to immediately freeze up as if she'd remembered something.

"Sorry. I have work tonight."

"Huh. Well then."

I quickly stood up. As I did, I felt a slight change in the air through the tip of my nose. It felt colder, or perhaps less stagnant. Did air get less lazy the higher you went or something?

Making my way to the door, I sensed something behind me pulling me back.

I turned around, only to once again find Adachi standing there, this time staring at me like a pouting child.

"Adachi?"

"You're not even a bit disappointed?"

"I'm super disappointed."

"Sheesh..."

"Ouch!"

My thoughtless comment earned me a pinch on the back through my jacket. Painful, but deserved.

"If anything, I feel like you should be disappointed in me", I muttered out loud while walking down the hallway with Adachi by my side.

"Huh? For what?"

"For not even remembering what days you work on."

It was an awful tendency of mine to simply forget about matters which didn't directly concern me.

Adachi had made a conscious effort to open herself up to me. Despite that, there still remained a great number of things that I didn't know about her. It was fair to say that she was quite the mysterious presence.

"Speaking of which. You've had that job for a pretty long time, haven't you?"

"I guess..."

"I'm proud of you."

"Err... Thanks?"

An embarrassed smile formed on Adachi's face.

"Not just everyone can keep it up the same way you do. It takes some serious... how do you say it... perseverance."

Good job, I added as I gave her a pat on the head. Adachi initially seemed to enjoy this, but not long after, she proceeded to shake her head.

"I... I don't like it when you treat me like a child..."

"I'm not treating you like a child. Children don't have jobs."

For example, me.

"No, I genuinely think it's praiseworthy how mature you're acting for your age."

Like the air around us, she was always moving, and just like its touch, hers too felt pleasantly soft.

When was it that I'd become so lazy in comparison?

Eventually, we reached the school gate. It was here that we would be separated for the day. Or at least we would have if she hadn't grabbed my hand at same point.

I took a few steps to the side. Doing so, a bridge formed between us.

"Adachi."

Hey, I pointed at said bridge with my eyes. This prompted Adachi to stare at our interlocked fingers for a few moments, and just when I thought she'd figured out what I meant, she lunged towards me, closing the distance between us. Absolutely not what I'd had in mind.

"Huh? Did I get it wrong?"

"Somehow, yes..."

Massively embarrassed, I could see Adachi's cheeks growing redder than the setting sun. There was something very pretty about the way this colour combined with that of the strands of hair hanging in front of her face. A weird thing to pay attention to, I know.

Speaking of weird, the passing students must have thought that we were total nutjobs.

"Hey, Adachi."

"H-Huh?"

"If I had to compare you to something and it couldn't be an animal, I'd pick a Nattou bean."

"...What?"

She was sticky, and she was persistent. Leaving Adachi to chew on that remark, the two of us parted ways. Still, all joking aside, the sort of diligence she was showcasing here was seriously praiseworthy; personally, you would have needed to pay me a fortune to even consider going straight to a part-time job after school. For how dainty and frail she looked on the outside, Adachi truly was a strong individual. Perhaps that was exactly why—perhaps she was so soft that no matter how much she was bent and twisted, she never broke.

Whatever the case, I couldn't help but respect her.

"Now if only she could stop stiffening up whenever we talk."

Haha, I laughed, fully acknowledging that I was the one to be blamed for it. Sometimes I wondered, what was it about me that was so anxiety-inducing? Had it been the Mad Dog Shimako from middle school that we were talking about, then perhaps you would have had a point, but the me of present? The only explanation I could think of—and I say this fully acknowledging what it sounds like coming from my own mouth—was that maybe, just maybe, I was so calm and collected, so cold and distant, that it became difficult for her to approach me.

As much as I liked to believe that I was able to convey my feelings to Adachi at least relatively well, perhaps there was still room left for improvement there.

As for Adachi, she had no such problem; whatever she thought and felt, it was always obvious from the surface. While there had been times in the past when the way she chose to express herself had hidden her true intentions, these days, as long as I took a step back and viewed the situation as a whole, I could more often than not decipher what she was saying. Such was the wisdom of our seventeen—and eighteen—year old selves.

For a long time, I'd thought that my trajectory in life had been as straight as an arrow, whereas in reality, it had been curving ever so slightly—curving towards Adachi.

There were times when I wondered, what would have happened had we met a few years before—back when I was still "straight"?

Erase the gym, the summer, the cicadas, everything.

What were you left with? Nothing. Nothing would have taken place between us.

"My, if it isn't Shimamura", a cheerful voice spoke all of a sudden from the top of my head. In the next moments, tiny specks of glowy dust began fluttering down around me. With a deep sigh, I grabbed the girl and pulled her down. I already knew exactly who it was. How? Because there was only one person who had a habit of randomly climbing on my head. Somehow, I got the feeling that even if I were to search every last corner of the world, I would not find another being like her.

It was Yashiro, obviously. Today, she was dressed up as a fish. What type of fish specifically? That I wasn't able to discern. Being a pretty urban person, I only ever saw fish sliced up on my plate. Now that I thought about it, the same went for chickens and pigs as well, didn't it? Huh. What a world we lived in.

"Hello!"

"Yeah, yeah. Hello. I'd really appreciate it if you stopped climbing on my head like that."

"Why?"

There was something very strange about seeing a fish walk on land as if it was its natural habitat.

Why, she asked. Hmm... Why indeed?

"Shou really likes it when I do it to her."

"That's just because she loves shiny things."

I recalled her from time to time mentioning how Yashiro was like a fairy. A fairy, huh? There was certainly something quite fairy-like about her sprinkling around sparkly dust every time she moved, I'll grant you that. I wonder, between an alien and a fairy, which one of those was a more likely thing to exist in reality?

"By the way, in case you were curious, I'm a skipjack tuna."

"Wow."

"I got the inspiration from an earthling who I saw walking around wearing something similar."

"Are you sure that was an 'earthling'?"

Sounded more like a merman soldier who'd risen from the depths of the ocean to invade the world of the landwalkers to me. Actually, would mermen technically also be classified as earthlings?

It wasn't something I'd ever really put much thought into.

"I have important business with you and your family today, Shimamura."

"Oh, do you now? That's rare."

Most of the time, she didn't need a particular reason to loaf around at our house.

"I have come to make a chocolate delivery."

"Hmm?"

This was getting more shocking by the second.

"As they say, merry Valentine's Day."

"They don't actually say that..."

Also, it wasn't Valentine's Day today. I guess that for Yashiro, things like dates didn't hold nearly as much importance as they did to the rest of us.

Assuming that she really was tens of thousands of years old as she claimed to be, I could kinda see why that was the case.

This all reminded me: I'd yet to have a conversation with Adachi regarding what we were going to do for Valentine's Day this year.

Had she even given it any thought at all? While that did seem highly unlikely, the idea itself—that I was the one fussing over it—was enough to cause me to blush a little.

With Yashiro tottering along behind me, the two of us made our way back to my house. The air was the same temperature as it had been these past few days, yet for some reason, I felt much colder today. Why? Probably had something to do with the fact that I was walking with a fish.

That, or maybe the weather report had simply been wrong.

Now inside, I checked the shoes by the front door, only to find a pair missing.

"Looks like my sister isn't home yet."

"Oh?"

"Grade school students these days sure are busy."

"That they are", spoke the least busy grade schooler in the world as she went ahead and kicked off her sandals. How messy. I took her sandals and placed them neatly on the shelf.

The girl then turned towards me, and with a proud look on her face, proclaimed the following:

"I have one for you, one for Shou, one for Mommy, and one for Daddy!"

She proceeded to produce one box of chocolate after another from inside her costume. There were four boxes in total, all too large to look like they could possibly have fit behind her gills where she pulled them from. 

"Oh, wow. You bought these?"

I'd spent enough time with the girl to know better than to put whatever she gave me into my mouth before first confirming its origin.

"I was watching television yesterday. That is where I got the inspiration."

"You were watching TV? Like, a show where they went out to buy chocolate?"

"Hahahahahaha."

"No, don't laugh. That was a serious question."

"I poofed them."

She proceeded to do a poof-motion with her hands.

"You... what?"

Was that the girl's way of saying that she'd baked them by hand, or was there something more to it? Quite concerned, I had another look at the decorative ribbons that were tied around each box, only to find that each one had an identical crease in the exact same position. And when I say "identical", I don't mean "similar"; it was as if the boxes were literal copies of one another.

"Hmm..."

In any case, I could only assume that this meant that the chocolate itself didn't contain any real cocoa either. Well, whatever.

She was kinda like that one alien who pulled ice cream out of its bag.

Nothing wrong with that, I felt.

"I think my sister's going to be delighted."

"You're not, Shimamura?"

The girl's head was tilted slightly to the side, her eyes wide and innocent.

"Hmm... No, actually, I am."

You could not find a more trivial example of this sort of an interaction, yet here I was, trying my hardest to distance myself from it. Why? For what purpose? Enough was enough.

This time, I would make a conscious effort not to run away.

To accept a gift from another with gratitude and joy.

Did I say "thank you" the right way? Did I look grateful enough? Those were usually the sorts of things that were going through my mind.

In reality, what I should have been embarrassed of was my inability do something even the youngest of children were capable of.

"Thank you. I mean it."

I gave her a pat on the head, prompting the glowing fish to waggle her tail fin contentedly. How exactly did she do that? Honestly, I was in way too good of a mood to even care.

"Anyway, chocolate, please", Yashiro stated shortly after, her now-empty hands held out in front of her.

"Wow. It's like you understand what Valentine's Day is about this time."

Had someone taught her? My sister, perhaps?

"I don't have any at hand, so... Oh. Once my sister gets back, why don't the three of us go buy something together?"

"Yay!"

A happy fish. Fish happy. Fippy... No, never mind. Still, would I really be going shopping with a fish? That felt kinda odd.

"Hmm... Well, whatever."

Regardless of what clothes Yashiro wore, she was still going to stick out like a sore thumb.

"Hey!"

My thought was cut short by Mom suddenly running down the hallway.

"How am I supposed to jump out and scare you if you don't even make it past the front door?"

"Not even my sister does stuff like that..."

"Just goes to show how youthful I am."

Hahaha, she laughed. I decided not to even say anything. As I'd learned from my dad, that was often the best way to deal with this woman. The only annoying part was that if you ignored her too much, she'd get super pissy and outright aggressive. I'd experienced that a lot during my years in middle school. Especially the "aggressive" part.

Thinking back to all of the fights we'd had, it was honestly shocking just how foul my mouth had been. It still hurt me to this day, just like an old wound that had never had a chance to properly heal.

These days, I found it incredibly difficult to speak back against her, and if I had to guess, that was likely due to guilt I still felt over all of the things I had said back then.

"Mommy, mommy!"

"What is it, fishy?"

"Here is your chocolate."

"Oh? For me?"

"Merry Valentine's Day!"

"Wow. Who knew you could be this considerate."

Mom also patted Yashiro. She was just the right height for headpats, wasn't she?

"I will buy you the cheapest bar of chocolate I can find in return."

"Yay!"

Seriously?

"Hmm..."

Well, as long as the person on the receiving end was happy, I guess it wasn't my place to complain.

Yashiro ended up staying over for dinner, after which she took a bath with my sister before going to bed with her. You know, the usual.

It went to show just how adaptable creatures humans were that even a situation as clearly crazy as this had begun to seem fairly normal to me after enough time.

In a way, I suppose that was what life boiled down to in the end. It was a never-ending process of coming across new things and learning to see them as normal.

Only after being wounded time after time could you begin to endure the pain.

The day had come to an end, and my family—plus our guest—had hit the hay. Only I alone continued studying in the darkness of the night.

A yawn escaped my mouth in an attempt to alleviate the exhaustion I was experiencing, yet my eyelids still remained heavy. What should I do now? Wondering about it, I put down my pen and allowed myself to collapse over my desk. To be completely honest with you, I was more than ready to give up.

Should I do that? Should I just call it for the night and go to bed? Before I was able to decide, my phone rang, instantaneously charging up the half-depleted battery inside my mind.

"Is it Adachi?"

Not that she often called me in the middle of the night. Actually, she wouldn't call me in the first place, not without first texting me to make sure that it was okay. As my hand fumbled to find the device, I realised that there only remained one possible option.

"Taru."

The person calling me turned out to be none other than Tarumi. How unusual. Unusual. That word in itself felt "unusual". Whatever the case, it was true that it'd been a while since she last called me.

I was reminded of the time in middle school when we had completely drifted apart after being placed in different classes.

We had reunited completely by chance around a year ago, but had only seen each other a handful of times since then. We were slowly drifting apart just like we had done in the past. Perhaps a relationship between us simply wasn't meant to be. With thoughts of that nature flowing through my mind, I went ahead and picked up the device.

Its cold touch against my palm felt as unreliable as a string phone.

"Yeah. Hello. Hi."

I found myself hesitating a little, something which never happened when greeting Adachi.

It was a bit strange, wasn't it?

I'd known Tarumi for far longer, yet here we were.

"Yo."

"Err... Mornin'."

"Sorry. Were you sleeping?"

"Studying, actually."

"Oh, wow. Trying hard, are we?"

I gave a quick glance to the notebook I'd left open on my desk. Not really, no. I had embarrassingly little to show for my efforts. Staring at the part of the page where I'd yet to write anything, I waited for Tarumi to continue speaking.

"Hey, Shima."

"Huh? What?"

"Actually, no. Nothing..."

"Please state your business."

Stretching out my back, I went ahead and readjusted the jacket I was wearing.

"O-Oh? Err... Sorry."

"No, no. I was just messing around. Hahaha."

I ended up laughing in a manner startlingly similar to how Yashiro did it. No good, no good at all.

There was a pause, after which Tarumi continued:

"Err, I... I did have something. Yeah. Do you wanna go hang out?"

"Right now?"

I didn't need to check the clock to be able to tell that it was getting awfully close to midnight. What a delinquent.

Speaking of delinquents, I had to wonder just how well that label still fit her these days. From what I'd heard though our mothers, it sounded like the worst thing she'd been getting up to lately was sometimes expressing displeasure towards having to do chores. Did that really count? Was that enough to make someone a "delinquent"?

"I was thinking sometime later, but if you want to, then I guess?"

"No, sorry. I'm way too tired."

"Right... Well, in that case, how about after you wake up?"

How exactly did you go somewhere before you woke up? That was the first thing that came to my mind. Not that it was how she'd meant it, obviously, but still.

Hmm... What a tricky question.

Whereas the me of old would almost certainly have said yes without a second thought, the me of present had to take Adachi's feelings into consideration as well. Would she be upset if I did that? I honestly found it difficult to imagine her reacting any other way. That was just the sort of girl she was. Her emotions were as turbulent as a burning flame, and equally as fiery.

I tried looking around for something that I had been given by Adachi, but there was nothing of the sort in sight. Instead, what I came across was a stuffed seal toy. I went ahead and ran my fingers across its belly. Oh how soft it felt.

"I get that you want to hang out, and I do too. However..."

"Yeah?"

Should I try explaining it in detail? Or should I just leave it at that? Wondering about what approach to take here, I found myself scratching the side of my nose. On one hand, it kinda worried me how Tarumi might react, but on the other, her knowing the truth would surely be a benefit for our relationship going forward. Then there was also me just being lazy. That third factor especially was something that I had to deal with often.

"Hmm..."

"Shima?"

Tarumi was a good person. If there was one thing I'd come to know, it was that.

I should just tell her, shouldn't I? Yeah, I should.

"The truth is, I've met someone. A girl. I have a girlfriend."

"...Huh?"

Based on Tarumi's reaction, it was clear that this was the last thing she had expected me to say. I decided to keep pressing further.

"If I go around hanging out with other people behind her back, she might get offended. Hahaha."

It was beyond important that I made myself absolutely clear here. Too many breaks and pauses, and the conversation would almost certainly fall apart.

"Hahaha..." I laughed again. Why? I didn't have any specific reason. If I had to say, I guess that it made the silence more tolerable. There was another person I knew who did that, laughed randomly, that being Yashiro. I really was starting to adopt a bunch of her mannerisms, wasn't I? How awkward.

There at last, Tarumi spoke in a wavering voice:

"S-Seriously?"

"Seriously."

While barely a year ago, I myself wouldn't even have believed that, it somehow was what had actually ended up happening.

"G-Girlfriend?"

"Yep."

Speaking of, I recalled her once asking me whether or not I had a boyfriend. I'd told her that I didn't at the time, which funnily enough was still the answer I'd give. Now, a girlfriend on the other hand? Those I most definitely had one of.

It was funny how life worked out sometimes. That, or perhaps it had all been decided already the moment we met.

When was it that Adachi had first fallen in love with me? While a seemingly simple question, now that I thought about it, I realised that I'd never actually asked her that.

"I—"

"Hmm?"

Tarumi sounded like she was having a difficult time putting words together. I decided to give her some time.

Staring at my now-empty cup, the remaining scent of tea was enough to cause my head to spin lightly.

A few moments later.

"I see..."

For how long she'd taken to think about it, she really wasn't saying much of anything here. And yet, behind the simple expression, there was clearly hiding a world of emotion. Right. I guess it did make sense for her to be shocked. Repulsed, even. Had it really been the right thing to tell her?

"You, a girlfriend. In...teresting. Very."

"Oh, you don't need to pretend like you're not shocked."

As far as reactions went, it wasn't one that I particularly minded. Heck, I was still very much shocked about it myself.

I was able to shake my body from side to side a good dozen times before Tarumi once again continued:

"Th-That's pretty far out there."

"Well, I am in high school."

"Right. Still... A g-girlfriend, huh?"

It was honestly difficult for me to make out what Tarumi was saying. It almost sounded like she was talking with her mouth closed.

I also didn't know how to respond, leading to more silence between us.

Silence which I spent yawning and patting the seal sitting on my lap.

"Well, anyway. That aside..."

"What's up?"

"I really want to see you. Just once. Can I?"

Her words felt like cold water pouring all over me.

I could feel a sharp pain travelling down my fingers as I replied:

"Sure thing."

Once more, I accepted her invitation.

We were going to meet, talk... and then what? Was something going to happen afterwards?

I didn't know. I honestly didn't. That was exactly why I wanted to do it.

"Does tomorrow sound good to you?"

"T-Tomorrow!?"

"Hmm? No good?"

I figured that after school would be the perfect time to do it. Then again, I suppose that we did live relatively close to one another, meaning that there wasn't anything stopping us from doing it on a day off either.

"No, it's fine. It's just, I'm surprised. You're not usually the one to suggest when to do something."

"Huh. Yeah, I guess I'm not."

"Also, tomorrow's really soon..."

"I figured that there wasn't any point in putting it off."

All that did was give you time to think about unnecessary things.

"Still... It's very much like you, Shima."

Was it just me hearing things, or was there just a sliver of happiness hiding behind her words?

"Well then, tomorrow it is. Wanna meet in front of the station?"

"Sounds good to me."

"A-Alright..."

Her voice became distant, and with it, the connection between us faded away.

Shortly after, Tarumi ended the call.

"Hmm..."

While I liked the fact that I no longer felt like I was about to fall asleep, what assaulted me now was an extreme sense of sluggishness.

Was this it? Was this the end? No, probably not. That might have been going a bit too far.

Even so, it didn't stop me from feeling that way. It was as if there was something heavy weighing down my stomach. If I had to describe the sensation, I might say that it felt like I'd turned into a crocodile. Speaking of, I vaguely recalled seeing Yashiro dressed up as one of those once. How cute she'd looked. It was in the middle of shifting through those simple memories that I realised that I had an unread text message.

"Huh. Looks like it's Adachi this time."

"Can I call you?"

This message had been sent not all that long ago. As I was reading through it—not that there was all that much to read—a second one arrived.

"Can I?"

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't feel slightly startled. The timing was perfect. Almost too perfect. There was something strangely amusing about imagining Adachi sitting there with her phone in her hand, waiting for a check-mark to appear next to the message indicating that I'd read it.

"'Yeah, you can'. And send..."

Only a few seconds later, my phone rang. That was fast even for her.

"Hello."

"G-Good evening."

It was almost comical how different our greetings were in tone. I couldn't help but laugh a little. Then again, I suppose that was very "Adachi" of her.

"Were you sleeping?"

"Studying, actually."

"Huh."

"Why does no one believe in me?"

Tarumi had asked me the same thing as well. Did they think that I was a cat or something?

"No, I do believe in you. I'm sure that you're working really hard."

"Thanks."

"It's just, you took a while to answer. That's why I thought you might have been sleeping..."

Oh. So that's what it was.

"Ah, yes. That'd be because I was having another call."

For me, it was a simple statement of fact with no deeper meaning. However, as for Adachi...

"......"

"Ada Chi-Chi?"

A certain dryness could be heard in her breathing. Was that just my mind pulling tricks on me?

"Who were you talking with?"

"Hmm... A friend."

"......"

"You can't just say nothing, Adachi."

"But—"

"No buts."

"But..."

She sounded like a child who had just been told "no". I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Th-That's not funny."

"No, I think it's very funny. Say, Adachi. Hmm... How should I put this..."

What a difficult situation. I found myself casting my gaze to the side as I thought about my approach.

There were practically an infinite number of options for me to take here. Should I poke fun at her? Should I get angry? Should I make it all serious? In the past, I'd frequently gone down the second route. Why? What had it been that had gotten me so peeved? Peering into the past, I saw a younger version of myself—middle school specifically—glaring at others, unable to make out what they were saying. Approach her with even the slightest hint of a smile on your face, and you were just asking to have a basketball be thrown your way.

"I believe that it's very important to have friends. Wait... Do you have any, Adachi?"

"Nope."

While most people would surely have been offended by such a question, nothing of that sort could be heard in Adachi's voice; it sounded like to her, she was simply stating the obvious. Now that I thought about it, I guess she had always been lacking in those types of people, both friends and family.

It was that lacking that had made her this way.

"I feel like we've already had this conversation once, but just to ask you again, am I really that untrustworthy?"

That, or perhaps the problem was in the way I acted: I was more than aware of my ugly tendency to come off looking like I had little interest towards other people. Now, while that might have been the case for majority of individuals who I interacted with, for Adachi specifically, I made a genuine effort to pay attention to her feelings.

"I believe you. I do. It's just..."

"It's just what?"

"When I think about you having fun with someone else, it makes me feel like I was... drowning."

"Oh?"

"Like someone was pouring mud directly into my heart."

"Now I think you're just exaggerating."

"I don't want to give you away. I refuse."

"Hmm..."

Putting aside whether it was a good thing or not for a moment, Adachi's feelings for me sure were deep. Deep. Deep like the ocean. Going for a casual swim in them could turn out to be a very dangerous venture. That was the poetic way to put it; in more practical terms, I had a possessive girlfriend.

Even if we could live with just the two of us—and that was a big if—it would certainly not be easy. Had she considered that part? Moreover, were my thoughts to become as focused on Adachi as hers were on me, that would without a doubt be the end of us two.

"I think about you plenty, even when I'm talking with other people."

And I wasn't saying that just to please her; it was genuinely something I'd found myself doing more and more often. Perhaps this was indicative of the extent to which she was digging her claws into me. I certainly did sometimes feel like I was slowly being consumed. Whatever the case, it was clear that we were far beyond the point where I could just pretend like nothing was happening.

"Again, and I mean it when I say this, it's actually pretty depressing how little you trust me."

I'd never been one to insert myself into other people's business. Not because I didn't care about them, but because I was terrified of leaving my shell.

This was one of the many hurdles I'd had to force myself over in order to start dating Adachi. To see those efforts be met by accusations of betrayal, it genuinely was depressing. I felt hopeless. Feelings of loneliness painted over me like black waves in the night. And yet, beneath the darkness, there was hope.

There was hope, which meant that I couldn't give up. I had to get on my feet. I had to.

If someone was going to offer me a hand to pull myself up with, I wanted it to be Adachi's.

"Sorry."

"You've done nothing you need to apologize for. It's just... Communication sure can be difficult."

The more earnestly you tried conveying your feelings to another person, the more they ended up distrusting you. There was probably a good way to do it somewhere out there, but I sure as heck didn't know what it was. Also, that was only a problem for me; when it came to Adachi, I believed everything she told me without a second thought. She was simply the sort of person who I could tell was always speaking directly from their heart.

"I do trust you, Shimamura. I really do."

"Yes, yes. I love you to bits too."

"Actually, never mind..."

Hmph.

"Anyway, what were we talking about again?"

"Err... I'm not sure if we've talked about anything yet."

"Oh, right, right. You've just been interrogating me this whole time."

"Th-That's not a very nice way to put it..."

"Regardless, I'd like to take a break from the serious topics for a moment. Can we talk about something more fun?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, you're the one who called me. You've gotta have something, right?"

Fun. One look at the clock made it clear that I should be getting ready to go to bed, not having fun, yet I chose to do it anyway.

"Fun fun fun."

"What?"

"Nothing. Please, go ahead."

If Adachi's heart truly was full of mud like she said, then I wanted to help her clean it. I just wonder, where did the leftover mud, the stuff that couldn't be filtered, wind up exactly?

"Well, actually, there is something..."

"Let's hear it then."

"Valentine's Day. That's next week."

"Right, right. It is."

I'd actually thought about it quite a lot myself, but she didn't need to know that.

"Valentine's Day, huh?"

"Y-Yeah."

I couldn't help but smile a little. There was something very funny about this exchange.

"So, did you have something in mind?"

"Well, we celebrated it last year, so I thought we could do that again..."

"Alright. Sounds good to me."

"Ah... Y-Yeah!"

I could practically see her nodding her head all excited. That was an interesting thing about humans; even if you couldn't see another person directly, a version of them still existed within your mind. I wonder, if you couldn't do that, would you think that it was almost like a super power for those who could? Maybe.

"Do you want to go shopping again?"

"I'd love to. The chocolate you got me last year was delicious."

On a side note, I'd also tried out the chocolate Yashiro had given me earlier today, and yeah, it was good. The individual pieces looked like they were modelled after an animal of some sort, though for the life of me I couldn't tell you which one. My parents hadn't known either. I'd even asked Yashiro herself, but no luck.

It's a mystery, I recalled her telling me while gleefully fiddling with the candy bars my mother had given her in return for the chocolate gifts.

"I kinda feel like this is the only reason we ever go to Nagoya."

"Yeah."

"Will those visits become more frequent once we graduate, I wonder."

That, or perhaps we'd move so far away from home that we'd never go there anymore.

"Say, Shimamura. What do you want to do after high school?"

"Hmm. I haven't really thought about it, honestly."

I didn't really have a subject in mind that I wanted to devote myself to studying. That said, I also couldn't really imagine myself getting a job straight out of high school. The way I saw myself, I was always stuck in this particular moment in time between childhood and adulthood. How nice would it be if I could simply continue wasting time in school with Adachi for all of eternity? I knew that wasn't a particularly healthy thing to dream about, yet I did it anyway. With no concrete future waiting for me, it was really all I could do.

"What about you, Adachi?"

I decided to try dodging the question for now.

"I haven't thought about it either. I guess I'll get a job."

"Adachi the Chinese Cuisine Master."

"Definitely not there."

All jokes aside, it was true that one day, both Adachi and I would need to start working. I wonder, how would that affect our relationship? We'd still likely be together, but in what way? I honestly had no clue. Such was the nature of attempting to predict the future, I suppose.

It was also possible that we could end up being separated for reasons completely beyond our control. Like for example, a meteor might crash into the Earth and kill off the entire human race.

Would Yashiro survive something like that happening? Honestly, I kinda felt like she would. It was surprisingly easy for me to visualise a scene of her prancing around the ruins of a post-apocalyptic city.

Well, regardless. The topic of tomorrow was already dark enough without us having to go to such extremes.

"I want to go back a few minutes."

"Err... Huh?"

It didn't sound like she quite knew what I was referring to.

"I'm going out with a friend tomorrow."

No lies, no roundabout excuses. I decided to simply tell it to her like it was. Adachi immediately fell silent. For a moment, I couldn't even hear her breathing.

Her love was so pure, so dense that sometimes, I hesitated even touching it.

"I've decided that I'm going to tell you the truth from now on. That's a sign of my... yes, love."

I probably didn't need to reiterate just how bad things had gotten the previous time I had decided to keep her in the dark. Truly, it was a miracle that our relationship had survived through that incident intact. Or rather, how efficiently it had been rebuilt; it was kinda like if you took a piece of paper, dipped it into water, crumbled it up, and then managed to turn it back into a perfect square. Perhaps Adachi was actually a wizard of some sort.

"Not with Hino and Nagafuji, I assume?"

"Nope."

"Umm..."

It was clear that she wanted to say something badly, almost as if she already knew who it was that I was talking about. That made me wonder, had Adachi ever met Tarumi? I had to assume that the answer was no; if she had, I was pretty sure that she wouldn't have been able to hide it this well.

"Is it okay if I come with you?"

The way she worded that question made me think of a baby duckling following its mother.

A number of excuses popped into my mind simultaneously. At the same time, it was true that I had just told her that I would only tell her the truth from now on. No way could I go back on my word this soon.

"I'd rather you not. We have a lot to talk about, and I feel like having you there would make things unnecessarily difficult."

Also, were those two to meet face-to-face, I had a feeling like that might happen again. You know, that.

To put it into other words, the whole thing seemed like a massive pain in the butt.

A mess of such calibre that once it spilled over, no one would be able to clean it up.

"So, yeah. I want to talk with her in private. I hope that you'll understand", I went ahead and repeated for a second time. I didn't really know why; it wasn't like she was—for now at least—insisting on coming with me or anything.

I suppose it said a lot about the way I saw my relationship with Adachi that I felt like this whole procedure was necessary for me to simply meet with a friend.

When I say that she wanted to hug me and never let go, I mean that literally.

"Hmm..."

A hint of reluctance could be heard in Adachi's voice. Don't get me wrong, she was clearly trying. That wasn't the problem here.

Whereas under normal circumstances she was willing to do anything in order to please me, going as far as to lie to herself, it seemed like this was one situation where she could not bring herself to do that.

This was neither a good nor a bad thing. No, it was simply the sort of person Adachi was.

"If you can bear through it, then, hmm... Do you have anything in mind that you would like?"

On the flip side, attempting to win her over with the promise of a meagre reward perfectly encapsulated my character.

"I-I'll have to think about it."

Hook, line, and sinker. Just how I had planned it out.

And thus, we had successfully made it over this particular hurdle in our relationship.

"Is that what it's like having a serious talk with your girlfriend? Darn", I spoke out to no one in particular as I ended the call. This was immediately followed by my heart crying out in pain. I'd truly pushed myself to my limits there.

I found myself spending the next few moments sitting there on my bed in silence, stroking the stuffed seal I had picked up earlier.

Girlfriend. What a strange word that was. Building up such an intimate relationship with another person necessitated you getting closer to them than was comfortable, and thus fully lowering your guard. This meant that if you were to have a quarrel, it would only end once one of you got so exhausted that they could no longer keep going.

In the long run, such a thing was more than enough to break a person.

I suppose the takeaway here was to only argue in moderation.

"Truly, life is a struggle."

There were plenty of easy paths forward for me to travel down here. And yet, I'd chosen to climb up the steepest hill imaginable.

I was making my own life difficult on purpose.

Why? Because this was the direction I wanted to take our relationship.

"Say, Adachi. When was it that you first fell in love with me?"

I randomly wound up asking her this question that had bothered me since yesterday in the middle of the lunch break. This prompted her shoulders and neck to stiffen up, and a yelp I had a difficult time imagining any other member of the human race to make leave her mouth. The food she had been in the process of swallowing all went up to her cheeks, causing them to bulge in a way you usually never saw given the manner in which she preferred to eat.

How adorable.

Her face quickly turned red, and then blue. Not good. I handed her a glass of water, which she gulped down in one big sip. This allowed her to at least stop coughing, although mere moments later, droplets of sweat began dripping down her forehead—which was strange considering that we were currently in the middle of winter. Adachi was quite the warm-blooded individual, wasn't she? I sometimes wished that I was too. Between it being too warm or it being too cold, I much preferred the former.

Staring at her, slightly jealous, it was there that it finally hit me.

The words that I'd uttered were not at all something you were meant to say in a classroom filled with fellow students.

Was this the result of Adachi's influence taking hold of me? Well, whatever. Might as well finish what I'd started.

"Tell me. I wanna know."

While it was not at all my intention, in retrospect the way I worded that question kinda ended up sounding like I was pestering her. How difficult.

Her eyes remaining wide open, Adachi muttered the following using her lips alone:

"I-I don't know... It just happened..."

"My, how romantic."

It didn't sound like there'd been any specific incident which had caused it. Though I'd mostly said it as a joke, that was the very definition of the word "romantic", wasn't it?

"Why?"

"Why what?" I asked her back while poking at the fried egg sitting in the corner of my bentou box.

"Why did you want to know?"

"Hmm... No reason, really."

"Oh..."

Her reply sounded like two different responses mixed into one.

I cut off a piece of the fried egg Mom had cooked and placed it into my mouth. As expected, its taste fell firmly on the sweeter side. The woman preferred her food that way, and so did the rest of her family.

Yashiro as well. I wonder, was that the reason she had chosen to stay with us specifically?

As I picked up some rice to go with the egg, I noticed that Adachi was still staring at me.

"Like I said, it's no big deal. I was just wondering."

"R-Right..."

"Munch, munch."

"A-And you, Shimamura?"

"Hmm?"

"When did you... When you did first fall in l-love with me?"

Both her mouth and eyes alike were wobbling intensely. I got the feeling that were I to poke either, they'd burst open, causing her essence to spill out.

Her essence? What did that even mean?

"Me? Hmm... That's a secret, sorry."

"Not fair."

"Well, it's not like you told me either."

If nothing else, I remembered us being more or less indifferent towards one another when we first met.

An Adachi who did not love me. At this point, it was practically impossible for me to imagine such a thing.

It hadn't even been that long all things considered, yet already, I felt like her old self had been purged from my memory.

"...Do you even love me?" Adachi asked me suddenly. Why all this suspicion?

"I love you!"

...Probably because of that.

Still, even if I did put aside my shame and attempt to sincerely force out the words, I doubt that my mouth would comply. It was simply a condition I suffered from. I wish she would give me a break.

"No, I do love you. I do", I quickly added. Hopefully that would be enough to satisfy her for now.

In the end, the question remained: When had it started? When had I first fallen in love with her?

I actually did know the answer. It'd been when she had told me that she loved me.

I know it sounded stupid, like I didn't really care, but it was how it was.

To put it into more concrete terms, it had all started when we'd been watching fireworks together. That was when I'd first fallen in love with her.

All that had happened during the summer of the previous year. I had been in love with her for quite the long time, hadn't I?

Thinking about it that way, I couldn't help but blush a little.

We spent the next few moments eating in silence. Even after we finished, Adachi's ears still remained slightly reddish. There was something about that specific tone that reminded me of autumn.

"Just a second. I need to go wash my face", Adachi suddenly stated, grabbing the plastic bag her lunch had been in before dashing out of the classroom. What about your makeup, I was about to ask, though realistically, it wasn't like she could do more damage than the lines of sweat dripping down her face already had. I suppose that was mainly my fault, huh?

"Not good. Not good at all."

I ought to be more responsible going forward. 

I proceeded to put away my lunch box and spend the next few moments staring into space. It was there that I happened to meet eyes with Pancho, having randomly walked past my desk. We had barely talked since the school trip, and judging based on her reaction, it kinda looked like she didn't know if she was supposed to say "hello" or what. Personally, I wouldn't have minded if she just said nothing. In her right hand, she was carrying a bag identical to mine.

"Yo."

"Yoyo."

I went ahead and mimicked her greeting. Why? I don't know. I guess it just felt like the right thing to do.

While her greeting was incredibly clumsy, what wasn't was the swift way in which she walked past me.

Well, that was what I thought, at least; in reality, she only went to her desk in order to leave her lunch there.

"Say, Shimamura. What's this time of the year like for you?"

"In what way?"

My general feeling in regard to winter was that I wished that I could hibernate past it. Then again, I doubt that was what she was asking.

"You know. Are you going out on a Valentine's date?"

Right. So that was what she'd meant. Kinda felt like she had left out the most crucial part.

"I am, yeah."

"Interesting, interesting", she stated before leaning towards me and adding the following in a hushed tone: "What was it like last year? Oh, right, I guess I don't know if there was a last year..."

"Last year? Hmm... We did thumb wrestling."

I think.

Pancho proceeded to cross her arms and tilt her head slightly to the side. You could practically see a giant question mark floating above her head.

"Thumb wrestling? Is that a euphemism for something?"

"I don't really use those."

For me, words meant what they meant—and thumb wrestling was just thumb wrestling. Pancho proceeded to tilt her head farther to the side, so much so that it caused her opposite foot to rise into the air. It was quite the pose she was able to pull off. I couldn't help but admire her vigour. A few moments later, her foot at last returned to the floor, signalling that she had managed to wrap her head around the situation.

"Deep. Very deep."

"Right."

With both of us remaining just as oblivious as we had been at the start, Pancho then ran off back to her desk. A few moments later, I could see her trying out thumb wrestling by herself—her left hand versus her right. Watching her do so, it was once again made clear to me that she truly was a good person. While I wouldn't necessarily go as far as to say that we were friends, a relationship of some kind had definitely began developing between us.

So, yeah. That happened. Oh, and in case you were curious, Adachi did in fact make it back in time for the next class—albeit barely.

Let me tell you, I had quite the tough time deciding whether or not to point out the way her wet hair was clinging onto her forehead.

Eventually, school came to an end. I checked my phone, and after making sure that I had no new messages, got up.

"Taru, Taru, my friend Taru."

I figured that I'd try singing to lighten up the mood, though honestly, it didn't really have that much of an effect.

What a strange thing to do right before meeting with a friend.

It made me wonder; how was it that the relationship that had once existed between us came to be in the first place?

I made it till the shoe rack before turning around. There, I met eyes with Adachi, having followed me all the way from the classroom. It was almost comical just how quickly she came to a stop after being spotted.

Wait there. No, no. That wasn't what I was meant to say.

"I'll be going now."

Those were the words that I chose for her. I could see Adachi's eyes growing slightly watery as a mixture of emotions—ranging from acknowledgement to annoyance—emerged on her face. Conveying your true feelings was almost an impossible task for most people, yet for Adachi, it appeared almost effortless. I sometimes wondered, why was that?

Needless to say, I didn't have the answer. I wasn't Adachi.

I wasn't, and yet, sometimes, I found it quite fun pretending like I was.

"Come here."

I beckoned her to come closer. She did as told, and as she approached me, wobbling from side to side, I grabbed her left hand and pressed my lips against its surface.

Immediately, her entire hand—fingers and all—grew cold, almost as if she was absorbing the moisture from my lips.

A few moments later, I let go of her.

Adachi's fingers were left doing scissor-motions, reminding me of the claws of a crab.

"Remember."

"H-H-Huh?"

"Take care."

With that, I turned around and walked off, leaving Adachi to stare after me dumbfounded. I had to wonder, would she actually "take care"?

"I'm always careful."

Shut it, Yashiro. No one asked.

It was hardly the case that emotions were always positive.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that they made up the minority.

I could feel the strap of my bag digging deeper and deeper into my shoulder. The cold wind was blowing against my face, causing my hair to jumble up and my ears to feel like they were about to fall off. How convenient that it was currently winter; I was able to blame my low spirits on the season instead of what was actually causing them.

Periodically breathing out clouds of white vapour, I made the long journey from school to the station in perfect silence.

Why? Why did I feel this way? I was just on my way to see a friend, nothing more.

Actually, no. There was definitely something more to it.

We were old friends, and that exactly was the problem; when you started mixing the past with the present, things were bound to get troublesome.

In that case, just don't let the present ever become the past. I suppose that was the answer, wasn't it? Adachi certainly seemed to be living by it. I wonder, was she satisfied with what we had been able to build together, where we were currently? Behind her refined looks and stoic appearance, Adachi was actually an incredibly greedy person, leading me to believe that there was a good chance that she wasn't.

With all sorts of thoughts flying through my head, I made my way over to the station. With every step I took, I found Adachi occupying more and more of my mind.

I suppose that was simply the state of my heart at the moment.

For how often I came by the station, it was honestly a little shocking just how few opportunities I had to go somewhere by train. I had a look at the bus stop we'd agreed to meet at, and after failing to see Tarumi anywhere, took post by the guide map.

"Just got here."

I sent her a message. Mere moments later, a reply arrived.

"Coming!"

Where? I found myself awkwardly ogling around.

Sure enough, mere moments later, Tarumi did appear, carrying on her shoulder a massive bag filled to the brim with stuff.

While I wouldn't say that the outside of the station was particularly crowded today, there were still more than enough people here to completely mask off both of our footsteps.

"Y-Yo."

"Good day to you."

My greeting came off sounding particularly polite. I guess that I was still in the mood after earlier.

Also, a funny thing, because the words sounded so similar, I came one slip of the tongue away from accidentally saying "goodbye" instead.

Imagine that, parting ways with someone as soon as you meet them.

I kinda hated myself for finding the idea as appealing as I did.

"You look the same as ever, Shima."

"Thanks?"

While Tarumi hadn't changed that much herself, I did notice that her hair appeared to have gotten just slightly shorter. I briefly considered asking her if she'd cut it, but ultimately didn't. There was nothing to talk about there, so why even bother? Then again, perhaps it wasn't the topic that was at fault.

It was always like this when I met with Tarumi. Our lives didn't intersect in the slightest, and as a result, there were simply no topics that could spark a conversation. It was during moments like these that I was made to realise just what a powerful place school was. No doubt would I learn its true value only after graduation.

"Hmm?"

Speaking of school, it was there that I noticed that Tarumi wasn't wearing her uniform under her coat.

Likewise, the colours of her chequered skirt brought to mind autumn much more so than winter.

Had she dropped by home before coming here or something?

"What's the matter?"

"This is."

I pinched the sleeve of my uniform, prompting Tarumi to immediately catch on to what I was talking about.

"Oh, yeah. I didn't go to school today. Had some stuff back at home to take care of."

"What?"

Did that make her an evil delinquent, or a good daughter? I wasn't exactly sure.

"I wanted to make time to see you."

"Oh... We should've chosen a weekend day then."

That would have been much easier time-wise. Then again, I guess that she did agree to this arrangement.

For some reason, I still couldn't help but feel slightly responsible.

"No, no. It's fine", Tarumi said while shaking her head. How noble of her.

"Are things that busy at your home? I don't really remember."

"Not really, no. I just need to do stuff sometimes."

I could see her playing with her hair as she said that.

Tarumi's home. Despite going there often to play when we were both little, I could hardly remember the place.

What I did remember was her mother. Or at least the fact that she had always been very nice to me.

Regardless, that was all in the past now. Years had gone by. Years and years.

"Huh."

That simple utterance was all that I was able to offer to her in response. A slightly awkward smile appeared on Tarumi's face.

"Shall we go then?"

"Yeah."

Before following after her, I had one last look behind me. Still no Adachi there. Good. As much as I wanted to trust her, it was simply impossible for me to fully shake the feeling that she might be secretly tailing me. Somehow, that just felt like an Adachi thing to do. If there was one thing I'd learned from spending time with her, it was that she had no concept of "too much work".

"By the way, where are we going?"

I took a step closer to Tarumi as I asked her this. Looking at her again, I noticed that she was wearing mittens. Likewise, her muffler had also been wrapped quite tightly around her neck, leaving no gaps whatsoever for wind to pass through. Was she really that cold?

I assumed that we were heading inside the station, but as it turned out, Tarumi ended up stopping half-way there.

"First things first..."

A vending machine. That was what she had stopped at.

"Huh?"

Inviting someone over to a vending machine. Now that was next level. What did I mean by that? No idea. In any case, Tarumi went ahead and bought a can of warm tea before handing it to me. I looked at the can, and then at her.

"Right, right. Mittens. Here, you can have them too."

Having said that, she swiftly took off her mittens and handed them to me as well. I accepted them, albeit questioningly.

"What's this all about?"

"I want you to be warm."

I put the mittens on. Doing so, I could feel the metaphorical weight pressing down on my shoulders growing increasingly heavy.

"I am warm. Plenty."

Even more so now. Still not satisfied, Tarumi then continued by taking off her muffler and wrapping it around me, prompting a cold shiver to run down my spine as the harsh textile scraped against my exposed skin.

"There. Warm."

Mission accomplished, it seemed. What was she, a heater? A microwave oven? With me wearing a good portion of the clothes she had come here with, it was almost as if we had changed places or something. As if that wasn't enough, Tarumi lastly pulled out a pair of earmuffs and put those on me. I was starting to feel like her doll or something.

It couldn't be that this was what she had called me here for, could it? To dress me up? While I much preferred being given clothes to having them taken away—I wouldn't want to be left standing in the cold in my underwear—there was obviously still a point where it started getting too much.

"Do you need a coat as well?" she asked me while pointing at the coat she was wearing. Did she really want to cook me?

I was already wearing quite a number of her clothes, and I couldn't help but feel like adding her coat on top of that would push me over a line where I was more her than I was me.

"I'm good. Plenty warm. What about you, though? Satisfied yet?"

"No, no. The time for that comes later."

Having said that, Tarumi then turned around to the direction where we'd come from. It appeared that whatever it was that she wanted to do with me wouldn't be taking place inside the station after all.

Speaking of, what was that? What did she want from me?

"I was thinking about a good spot. Does the riverside sound good to you?"

"Riverside?"

The first thing that came to my mind was a barbecue. The second was a duel. I highly doubted that either of those were what she had in mind.

Still facing away from me, Tarumi finally answered my question.

"I want to draw a picture of you, Shima."

"A picture?"

"A picture."

I could see her shoulders trembling slightly as she spoke the word back to me. Huh. My picture.

Actually, hadn't we done something like that once already? I was pretty sure that we had.

"I see."

All of a sudden, it made perfect sense why she had dressed me up. She was simply making sure that her model felt comfortable.

"Then, once I'm finished drawing, I want you to have it."

This time, I was able to catch a glimpse of Tarumi's face—and the slight smile that had appeared on it.

"Me?"

"Yes. You."

A portrait of myself, huh? Did she want me to put it up in my room or something?

I could definitely imagine my sister getting a good giggle out of that.

"I'm not sure why I didn't think of it sooner, probably because I was feeling a little out of it, but I guess we should have just agreed to meet by the river in the first place."

"I guess."

A little out of it? I wonder, what might have caused that?

Was she perhaps still feeling that way? A closer look at her face showed that her eyes weren't spinning, letting me know that she had been able to calm down at least a little.

Anyway, with that, we continued to make our way towards the riverside—a place which held no particularly important memories for me.

It'd been summer when we had last come here, and now it was winter. Where exactly did that put us?

I'd foolishly believed that nothing had changed, that things were like they had always been, yet clearly, something was different here.

Like most things, friendship also came in different sizes and shapes. And then there was Adachi, who didn't fit cleanly to any of them. I quite liked that. Switch our places, and it became completely impossible for me to imagine Adachi walking towards the riverside. It simply didn't fit her person.

She was the exact opposite of me. And yet, she still chose to walk by my side.

How mysterious.

We didn't really say anything for the next few moments. Talking things through was the very reason we'd come here, yet for whatever reason, neither of us seemed to be in a talkative mood. 

Whatever potential for conversation had existed, it quickly dove head-first towards the road to be drowned out by the sound of cars.

It went without saying given the time of the year, but there were hardly any people by the riverside. Likewise, the sun had also begun turning faintly amber. The wind was vibrant, causing me to feel like my ankles were getting wet through my socks.

Kicking around the tiny pebbles the ground was covered with, I silently followed after Tarumi.

"Here should be good", she stated all of a sudden, before pulling out a foldable chair from her giant bag and setting it on the ground. She went on to pull out a number of other objects too, leaving me to stand there awkwardly as I watched her work. Should I offer her a hand? Did she want my help? There was no way for me to know as Tarumi never asked. It wasn't long after that I found myself wobbling from side to side in order to ward off the cold.

"Now, go ahead", she signalled towards the chair with a gleeful smile on her face.

"Thanks", I stated back while taking a seat. Unsure as to how exactly she wanted me to pose, I decided to keep it simple, and placed my hands neatly onto my lap.

"Don't got an umbrella for you this time."

"Heh."

Honestly, I didn't mind—sitting here by myself on a foldable chair already felt strange enough without one.

Did that perhaps have something to do with how little time I spent outdoors in general? It was very possible. Speaking of outdoors, the visibility today was great, leaving the surface of the river to dazzle brilliantly. It almost looked like there were a number of shining creatures swimming in there. Having Yashiro pop her head up from below the waves honestly wouldn't have felt that out of the place.

Done setting everything up, Tarumi was finally ready to start painting.

"You're not feeling cold, are you?"

"I should be asking you that."

With Tarumi having given me all of her winter gear, she was now left dressed just as lightly as any other woman at this time of the year. Well, I say that, but it wasn't like she was shivering or anything.

"No need to worry about me. I'm good with the cold."

"Wow. How strong."

Was that really the right word to use here? I kinda felt like it might not have been, but didn't bother thinking about it any further.

The sight of Tarumi holding up her paintbrush caused me to recall a time when I myself had tried out painting. I remembered mixing all of the paints together without a care in the world, as well as being called wasteful for doing so. The reason was that I never left any paint for others. It was the only way I knew how to do it, so before you tell me that I should have taken a different approach, I couldn't even if I had wanted to.

It reminded me of the way Adachi lived her life, solely focused on a singular goal—a single person.

What a long-winded way to get back to her.

Switching topics, Tarumi and I had often drawn pictures together when we were little. Mine had mostly been dogs.

I wonder, what might I draw these days if I decided to give it another shot? Perhaps dogs still, though I doubt that they would be running around quite as excitedly as they had in the past.

"You're pretty good at drawing, Taru. Or I guess I should say, you've improved a lot."

"Yeah..."

She didn't sound particularly thrilled. Not like I could blame her; that was more or less how I would react too were someone to praise my artistic skills without even having seen what I was painting.

Was that a problem with me? Was it why Adachi still did not trust me fully?

"What is she like?" Tarumi asked me all of a sudden from behind the easel. It took me a few moments to figure out what she was talking about, and then a few more to put together an answer.

"She used to be very distant at first."

"At first?"

"Yeah. For about a month."

It was weird to imagine now, but there used to be a time when Adachi hadn't really cared for me, and had only really addressed me when she wanted me to go buy her lunch. Where had that version of her disappeared to? The answer was: it hadn't. That was still how she acted towards all people who weren't me. Rather, it was more accurate to say that a second Adachi had been born as a result of our interaction. Being newborn made her immature, pure, unable to lie.

It was this version of her that I—

"And now?"

"She's like a dog."

"Huh?"

Tarumi sounded genuinely taken aback. I figured that she'd react that way. And yet, this was the only way to describe our relationship that felt accurate to me.

She was nice? She was pretty? All of those expressions sounded horribly cliched to me. Plus, I definitely didn't want to be that person who went on and on about how great their significant other was. You know the type.

"If anything catches her interest, she wraps her fangs around it and refuses to let go."

"Doesn't sound very girlish to me."

"Like I said, she's more like a dog."

Now that I thought about it more, maybe I should have said something else.

Introducing my girlfriend by comparing her to a dog was bound to lead to all sorts of nasty misunderstandings.

Well, that's what I would've thought, at least; much to my surprise, Tarumi seemed to understand exactly what I meant.

Huh? She did?

"Right. I guess that you did always love dogs."

"Kinda, yeah."

At this point, I could honestly no longer remember what I had and had not shared with Tarumi back in the day. I'd been completely transparent in grade school, almost as if I had no boundaries whatsoever—just like a certain free-lunch alien I happened to know.

It was almost uncanny just how much she reminded me of a younger version of myself.

Perhaps that was the reason why Mom liked taking care of her so much.

"Woof", Tarumi added after a short pause. It didn't even sound like she was trying to imitate a dog. She just said the word.

Here we were, two high school girls on a riverbank, engaging in the arts. What a curious thing indeed. Even more so when you took into consideration the freezing wind.

Then again, a part of me felt like that was the perfect weather for the occasion.

Standing opposite me, I could see Tarumi casting constant looks my way from the other side of the easel.

There was something about the look in her eyes that reminded me of Adachi.

This was not the way you looked at a model you were about to paint. No, it was something entirely different.

"A dog girl then..."

It sounded like we weren't quite done with that topic. Then again, I suppose that it did make sense; this was, after all, what we had come here to discuss today.

I wonder, what was it exactly that awaited us at the end of this conversation?

What was it that Tarumi was after?

"So, that girl... Err... Is that even the right word?"

"Hmm?"

"I mean, should I say 'woman' instead? I hear that's a thing..."

Girls our age going out with older women? Was it really? I didn't know of any such cases.

Actually... I thought back to the time I had spent at my grandparents' house.

"..."

No, I did not.

"She's in my class."

"Oh..."

What was that expression that appeared on Tarumi's face? Unfortunately, I was sitting too far to tell.

Too far. Both literally, and also figuratively.

At this point, Tarumi's hand which held the paintbrush was no longer moving.

"What is she like?"

The same question, again. It was almost as if this was the only thing in her mind. What was is that she was hoping to hear?

"L-Like, what do you... like about her?"

Her voice sounded slightly different this time. It was as if the sound was coming not from her mouth, but somewhere slightly lower.

What was Adachi like?

A little weird. Also quite pretty. Always giving it her all. Always demanding attention. Quite tall. Surprisingly good at school. Fairly diligent. Extremely jealous. Die-hard romantic. Determined. Occasional crybaby. Still not that great at smiling. Her values were likely vastly different from mine.

A lot of good, but also a lot of bad.

Ah, but how could I forget. There was one more thing. The most important one.

She had become my driving force.

"She takes me to places I thought I could never go."

Me, and me alone.

"I want to be there to see where that is."

If you had to explain the love between us in needlessly many words, then I suppose that was as good of a way as any to put it.

How might Adachi react were I to explain it to her like this? She'd probably get really confused, and also slightly embarrassed. Haha. It was kinda fun thinking about it.

Meanwhile, Tarumi's lips continued to twitch with increased tempo.

"I... I see."

"Yep."

"You love her more than anyone else."

"Well, I guess you coul—Yeah."

I was originally going to say something slightly different, but decided to go this route instead.

"So then... Err..."

A mixture of different emotions were manifesting on her face all at once, but due to the distance between us, as well as the canvas obscuring most of her, it was difficult for me to pick them out individually. A few moments passed, after which she continued speaking.

"You look really happy right now, Shima. It's just..."

"Tarumi?"

"The one time we go out together, it's an hour-long trip to the station next over..."

What was she talking about? However, before I had a chance to ask her to clarify, she lifted her head and spoke the following words:

"I want more. I want it to be serious this time. I want us to be... friends. Friends forever."

She was crying.

I'd made her cry.

A sensation far colder than the winter wind struck me, soaking my hair and covering every last inch of my skin.

She was crying over us being friends. In other words...

The world around me began to spin.

I was about to ask her the most important question, but couldn't. The words simply refused to come out. Instead, I stated the following.

"Yeah."

No words were necessary. Her reaction told me everything that I needed to know. I could feel a tiny hole being dug into my soul, cold like the air around us and far more painful.

Friends.

Forever.

A beautiful thought, for which there was no room in either one of our hearts.

And yet, Tarumi still went and said it. If you were still unconvinced that she was the far better person out of us two, then this was all the proof you could ever ask for.

Could you imagine Adachi saying something like that? Absolutely not. She'd rather die before she did.

We'd been inseparable in grade school. Every day, we'd eat lunch together, go out shopping, hold hands, buy matching accessories, spend hours just staring at one another. And yet, despite all of that, I still wondered. Had I been wrong to stop her that day? Should I simply have let her walk into the night, never to be seen again?

Why did it have to come to this? That was the question anyone would have asked in this situation, and so did I.

It was clear that saying it would mean the end of us. And yet...

The truth was that the current me loved Adachi much more than I did Tarumi.

That simple statement of fact was the answer to everything.

Was that what Tarumi had wanted to hear?

Had she come here today already knowing it?

Or had she perhaps still held out hope that things might work out in her favour in the end?

How? How could they possibly have?

All these questions were burning me underneath the muffler.

I could only assume that Tarumi had been hoping for something... more. And yet, those hopes were now destined to forever lay dormant, never to be realised.

Our relationship was dying, slowly fading away, and here I was, refusing to act.

Should I do it? Should I get up and shout?

Shout out the name of my childhood friend like I had done once before?

That, or just acknowledge that we'd had a good run, and let it end?

I doubt that Tarumi really cared either way.

After all, regardless of how we got there, the outcome of today was clear.

Friends or not, the two of us were almost certainly not going to meet each other like this ever again. There was only one way to avoid that, yet it was precisely the answer I could not give her.

With the saddest smile I'd ever seen on her face, Tarumi continued moving her brush, tears still flowing down her cheeks.

Even if this wasn't the way she had wanted things to end, she was powerless to change fate.

Like watching a triangle that could no longer support its own weight crumble, I continued staring at her.

"I wanted to be the one... The one to take you to places you thought you could never go..."

Those words came to me in the form of a whisper.

Distant, like the sound of cars driving on the opposite side of the river.

Ignoring all of the mistakes that had been committed up to this point.

I'd had quite a few fights in middle school. I specifically remembered how I'd hurt people with my words.

The one difference was that back then, I'd only ever picked on people who I disliked.

That was to say, this was almost certainly the first time I'd ever made a friend of mine cry.