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Adachi to Shimamura - Volume 3 - Chapter 4.1




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Today's Adachi 

How often was it okay for me to text Shimamura? 
I thought about it, pondered about it, agonized over it. While I was busy doing that, around two weeks passed. I went ahead and sent her the message. 
That seemed about right, I thought. 

Chapter 4 And Then, Love That Embraces the Holy Mother: Marigold


Goodbyes were a daily occurrence, and I certainly felt that I was starting to grow used to them. And yet, there I was, lying wide awake. I hadn't been able to get any sleep that night. 
As I stared at the rays of morning light leaking in through the gaps in the curtain, my eyes growing narrow, a single sentence came to mind that described me perfectly: 
"I'm not making any progress." 
Just the simple act of shaking my head from side to side made it feel like someone was hitting my skull with a hammer. I was like a child, unable to fall asleep the night before a big trip. I could barely get my hands to move as I went to rub my sleepy eyes. There, in the darkness, with the only sound filling my ears being that of my own breath, the sensations of my body began fading away. Growing unconscious of my shoulders, forgetting the weight of my head, I exhaled. 
This happened a number of times, and surprisingly enough, helped lessen the sense of sluggishness weighing down on me. Then, once that was over, I grabbed the phone that had been lying next to my pillow. I checked the message from Shimamura one more time, the one that simply read "Sure", before rolling out of bed. 
I was even paler than normal, and to make myself presentable, I'd need to go heavy on the makeup. Oh, but not before changing clothes, grabbing a piece of bread or something for breakfast, and washing my face. 
I'd spent a lot of time agonizing over what to wear today, which thankfully meant that I could avoid arriving at some ridiculous choice like a China dress. That was a real life-saver. 
Then again, Shimamura's reception to it had been quite positive the last time around, meaning that if she was to ask me to wear it, I'd have no problem doing so. 
...Or more accurately, I'd then have to do it. In general, I don't think I had it in me to refuse Shimamura's requests, regardless of their contents. 
I was in a pretty dangerous spot, wasn't I? No, that wasn't true... Or was it? Hmm... My head already felt like it was about to burst, and as these additional doubts continued pestering me—like adding even more pressure onto my brain—it was a shock that I was somehow able to stop myself from throwing up. 
The air in the hallway that I soon entered was quite similar in temperature to that in my room. The floor, however, felt extremely cold, as if I was standing on solid ice. 
With it being this cold... 
"Will it really be okay?" 
...I couldn't help but grow slightly worried: Shimamura wasn't going to crawl under her kotatsu and start hibernating, was she? 


My worries might have been merely half-serious, but even so, as I watched her enter the classroom, they all flowed away like meltwater. It was only during winter that a single look at her caused me to feel like my chest was being filled with something warm. Had it been just us two in the classroom, I might have actually stood up and waved my hand in the air while greeting her. That was the kind of mood it put me in. I'd been so conscious of my lack of sleep earlier, and now, it no longer even registered in my mind. 
She truly was my sun... No. I'd figured that if I went ahead and used that expression a couple more times, it'd eventually stop being embarrassing, but it just wasn't happening. 
Right as I was about to get up and walk to her seat, Shimamura dropped by mine. I proceeded to assume a posture where my elbows were slightly raised off the table, as if asking: We're doing this already? Seeing my body stiffen up with fear caused her to smile, and she stated something to the effect "Don't worry, I brought it along" before turning around and leaving me. 
"..." 
She wasn't going to hand me the chocolate somewhere with this many people to witness it. Of course not. I knew that, and yet, there was still some part of me that felt like I'd just been made to wait. It was almost like I was her dog or something. No, that was taking it way too far. Still, if I was her dog, then I'd get hugged by her, I'd get to roll up onto her lap... Honestly, it didn't feel like being her dog would be all that bad. No, no. No, no, no. No. I dug my nails into my forehead, forcing myself to reconsider what I'd just thought. 
Until this point, I'd still had doubts, but now, I was convinced of it; the me that existed these days was a complete idiot. 
The class then began, and when I turned around to look over my shoulder a little while later, my eyes met with Shimamura's. 
I wonder, was this how it felt during Parents' Day when you made eye contact with your mother sitting behind you? We stared at each other for a while, after which I turned by head back. My pencil ran across the open page of my notebook, filling it with lots and lots of tiny circles. 
The fact that our eyes had met meant that Shimamura, too, had been looking at me. 
Of course she had; I was seated between her and the blackboard. At the same time, this also meant that she could stare at me all she wanted without anyone thinking much of it. Perhaps that was exactly what was happening here, maybe she was using the seating arrangement to her advantage in order to hide her true motives from others. Weird fantasies like these often filled my head during class, and honestly, if they were to somehow leave the privacy of my mind and become public knowledge, I could very well imagine killing myself over it. Thankfully, seeing how there was a half-smile on Shimamura's face and she wasn't drawing back in disgust, my secret appeared to be safe for now. If she did find out, and her reaction were to be something like tapping my shoulder and saying "That's adolescence for you" in an attempt to comfort me... my head might literally explode. 
Thoughts like those made it completely impossible for me to focus on the lesson at hand. I took a look, and saw that class was proceeding much in the same way as usual. A single word was enough to describe it: "Dull". 
There was no way you could've told that it was Valentine's day based solely on my classmates, as none of them appeared festive in any way. Perhaps it simply wasn't an event that other people were as excited about as I was. Really, it might have been that, between all of my rejoicing and worrying, I was the single person most into it. 
Or maybe Valentine's Day would only start for them once school was over. That seemed plausible. It was the case for me as well, which meant that if I continued being as nervous as I was currently, there was no way I would make it until the end. For now, I should simply relax my shoulders and keep my eyes on the objective. 
We'd go to Nagoya, I'd buy the chocolate, and we'd exchange them. Those three steps formed my plan. 
I turned my eyes towards my hands in an attempt to focus on copying stuff down into my notebook, only to see that... 
"Ah." 
...there was now a circle of darkness right in the centre of the page, so deep that it would undoubtedly leave a mark even when erased. 
I stared directly at the gaping, dark maw, thought about it, and went ahead and added some flower petals around it. 
And so, the sinister flower made of darkness came to bloom by my hands. 



I couldn't tell you what happened during the afternoon classes. I simply didn't have any recollection of them. I'd crossed a limit, and my conscious mind had ended up fading away. 
Naturally, that came with a massive headache. I'd fallen asleep at some point as well, but only partly so, meaning that instead of relieving me of exhaustion, it'd only made me feel more tired. The day hadn't even truly begun yet, and my weak heart was already crying for bed. Likewise, my eyelids also felt heavy. They let off a satisfying sound as I pinched them and pulled them tight. 
Convinced that hearing that sound had given me the energy I needed, I got up and left my seat. 
I made a conscious effort to be the first person to go and talk to Shimamura. I stood there in front of her, and with a bundle of textbooks in her hand, she turned her eyes up towards me. As she did, a smile appeared on her face. 
"We're going out, right?" 
"Yep." 
Had I been born with a dog's tail, no doubt would I be wagging it from side to side right now. 
"Anywhere you'd like to go to?" 
"Well, I was thinking we could go to Nagoya. Oh, or is that too far away?" 
"Nagoya", Shimamura mumbled back as she stared at me with her eyes wide. Yeah, that might have been too distant of a place to suggest without any warning. I got ready to explain my reasoning, but before I could, Shimamura burst into laughter. "Ahahaha. Haha", she laughed. While seeing her so delighted would normally have made me happy, right now, it only caused me to grow distressed. Why? Because I had no idea what was meant to be funny here. 
"I see. So, that's how you had it planned, huh?" 
"Umm... What do you mean?" 
"It's nothing. Sure, let's go. I was actually planning to suggest that we go there myself." 
After tossing the books into her bag, Shimamura leapt up. Wait, what? She'd had a destination in mind? 
There was something about her behaviour and attitude that was way different compared to how she acted normally. I couldn't help but be slightly taken aback by it, which, in turn, earned a look from her. 
"By the way, what did you want to go to Nagoya for?" 
"To buy chocolate. I, err, haven't bought it yet. I guess I thought it would be... more fresh if I got it the same day, and..." 
"Ahahaha. Really now? Well, that's good", Shimamura once again laughed, cutting my explanation short. What was going on here? Was I not the only one in a festive mood? Something definitely felt off, but I wasn't quite able to place my finger on what it was. 
Still, even if the number of mysteries floating around was vast, she did seem enthusiastic, and that alone allowed me to feel relieved. 
Speaking of which... Chocolate. Chocolate was supposed to be the main thing here. And I was still yet to receive mine. 
I gave Shimamura a couple of questioning glances, and right away she understood what I meant. 
"Oh, chocolate?" 
Yes, I nodded. Though I tried to act as nonchalant as possible, I still ended up nodding three times in total. She gave her bag a light tap before opening her mouth: 
"That's going to stay a secret until you buy yours. It's not much of an exchange if I give you mine first, right?" 
Once again, I was being made to wait. Her argument was solid, however, and I decided not to complain. 
I'd joked about it earlier, but maybe I really was her dog after all. I scratched my nose as that thought filled my mind, followed closely by feelings of shame. 
We'd made our way to the bicycle parking area when Shimamura once again spoke. 
"You're fine with not wearing the China dress today?" she said, clearly teasing me. My face immediately twisted into a pout. 
If she wanted to see me wear it, I'd be more than willing to go and change. I decided to reply with as much. However... 
"If... you said that you... wanted to, then..." 
...my words ended up coming out as a mumbled mess. Even the clumps of rice in the chao fan served at our restaurant were more crumbly, and that was saying something. 
"Oh, I don't think that's a good idea. We'd end up getting there really late", Shimamura quickly stated, urging that we head straight to the station. Was she perhaps worried that I'd taken her joke seriously? 
I hadn't. Nor had I been serious with my own comment. Of course not. I rushed to hop onto my bike before I could make an even bigger fool of myself. 
Immediately after, Shimamura got on behind me. Was that really okay? We were still on school premises. Well, whatever. I decided to simply ignore it and took off. 
From now on, the only thing I would carry on the back of my bike would be Shimamura. 
Silently, I wished to myself for that to hold true. 


"Ah, we'll make it to the train if we hurry", Shimamura suggested a couple of seconds following our arrival at the station, and we broke into a run. How did she know when the train was leaving? That, I wasn't sure of. Whatever the case, I didn't have much time to think about it as my feet were already moving at full speed. 
We ran as fast as we could, stopped to ride the escalator to the second floor, and once there, began running again. Even if it could be boiled down to the simple act of moving my legs, there was still something fun about following Shimamura's instructions. 
At least, that was how it felt to me. 
We made our way through the ticket gate to the platform. A train--a regular one, not high-speed—stood parked on our right side, and we hopped on. 
The train car we entered was packed full of people, even if not quite to the extent of what you might find in a high-speed train. In a similar manner, most of the seats had been taken, with only a single corner one remaining free. 
"Just one seat left, huh?" I stated, to which Shimamura responded with a grin. Had I said something funny? She was all smiles today, and I wasn't sure why. 
"You wanna sit, Adachi?" 
"I'll let you." 
"No, I think you should. You were sleeping during class, after all." 
It felt really embarrassing having her point that out. Yet another reason for me to dislike the seating order. 
"Alright then", I stated timidly before sitting down right on the edge of the seat, as if drawing in my butt. Shimamura watched me do so, waited for a single second, and then let out an audible giggle. Again, I had no idea what she was laughing at. Something about the way she was acting today didn't feel right. Was she perhaps in a particularly good mood? Because... she was with me? Because we were going out together? Or maybe it was something else entirely? Scratching my cheek, I continued coming up with different explanations. One stuck out to me in particular, and I decided to go ahead and ask her. 
"Hey, umm..." 
"Yes?" 
"Am I, maybe, making a weird face?" 
Perhaps there was something strange about my expression, and she was laughing at that? Shimamura's eyes immediately grew wide. In response, my own began spinning around as I realised that I'd either been wrong or stepped over the line, a reaction to which she responded by giggling even louder. Really, what was up with her today? 
Though I couldn't understand why she was doing so, seeing her enjoy herself did help me relax, so I guess it wasn't all bad. 
"I think the train should take a bit over twenty minutes to get there." 
"Yeah, I think so too." 
I didn't actually know, but decided to nod along anyway. Her hand gripping the railing, Shimamura stared at me. 

"Gosh, it's going to be so boring while we wait. Don't you agree, Adachi?" 
It almost felt like she was asking me to do something about the situation, a request that went far beyond reasonable. 
What made it even more unreasonable was that it was usually Shimamura herself who worked things like these out. 
"Well, in that case, why don't we, err, play word chain or something?" 
My childish proposal had barely left my mouth when I already found myself regretting it. I had no time to retract the suggestion, however, as she instantly agreed. Wait, what? She doesn't mind? While I was busy gathering my thoughts, Shimamura began the game with the word "apple". 
"E... Elk", I muttered in response. 
"Oh, wow. A tough one right off the bat, huh? Hmm, let's see, let's see... Ketchup." 
"Prefix." 
"Geez, Adachi. You sure won't let me catch a break." 
The somewhat dispassionate game of word chain continued much in the same manner. The train stopped at various stations, and though people did come in and out, giving us plenty of opportunities to move somewhere with an empty seat for the both of us, we simply remained in place. Personally, I wished to maintain the situation the way it was, and it might have been that Shimamura shared my sentiment. 
After who knows how many rounds, the turn bounced back to me with the letter "L". 
Hmm, a word that started with an "L". 
"L—" 
Love. 
"Lov—ange." 
My tangled tongue ended up creating a sound unlike anything I could imagine coming out of my mouth under normal circumstances. 
"Huh? Come again?" 
"Lasagne..." 
"Oh, I see. Did you bite your tongue or something?" 
My lie might have been terrible, but Shimamura bought it regardless. 
I could taste blood in my mouth as I silently thanked lasagne for existing. 
Meanwhile, we'd at last reached Nagoya. Being on board a train with her made it feel like we were on a trip together, and honestly, I wouldn't have minded at all if the vehicle had taken a bit more time to get there. 
"Yeah..." 
How I wished that I could go out with her more often. And not just to the local places, but to somewhere way out there. 
It was dreams like those that illuminated the world before me. 
The lights of my dreams might have been bright, but they were no match for those of the department store's basement floor which we soon arrived at. 
No matter where you looked, there were people everywhere. Not even at our school could you find crowds this big. There was something surreal about it. As previously mentioned, the lights were cranked to the max, and whenever I looked up, I could feel the rays shooting straight through my lips and all the way to the roots of my teeth. 
"Oh, there's a line over there. Will that place do?" Shimamura suggested in somewhat light-hearted tone as we entered the sweets section. There was indeed a long line at the location she was pointing at, acting as a clear sign of the shop's popularity. Incidentally, all of the customers appeared to be girls seemingly close to us in age. 
"If I were to stand in line, then I'd make you wait." 
I planned to continue my statement with a suggestion that we go somewhere else, but before I could, Shimamura replied with a simple "uh-huh". Her tone made it sound like she didn't mind at all. 
I watched as she pulled out her phone, checked something, and mumbled "not yet" to herself before turning towards me. 
"So, how are we going to kill time? We already did word chain." 
She must have been in a really good mood today to not find this bothersome the way she usually did most things. 
That certainly did make me happy, but at the same time, I couldn't help but grow suspicious. Not in an anxious way, though. 
"Maybe we could... have a thumb wrestling match", I proposed. My real goal, of course, was to get to hold her hand. Without much hesitation, Shimamura agreed to the suggestion—once again so childish that even an elementary schooler would have turned it down—causing a warm wave of strong emotions to sweep over my heart. 
It felt like she truly was my big sister. 
We went ahead and had a thumb wrestling match for real, and around twenty or so minutes later, I was at last able to buy the chocolate. The box I ended up purchasing was a very typical assorted mix of different types of chocolates, the kind that was on sale at all times of the year. That was to say, nothing about it evoked the feeling of Valentine's. No heart-shaped pieces or anything like that were included. With the box in hand, Shimamura and I walked all the way to the very corner of the basement floor. 
It was there, between the elevator and the chairs next to it, that we were able to get an ever so slight amount of peace from the crowd. 
We turned to face each other, and once again, Shimamura met me with a laugh. 
Laughing was easily her defining feature today. Although she likely had no idea, it was actually quite tough on me. 
After all, it took a lot of effort to stop my mouth from twisting into an awkward-looking smile whenever one of those giggles hit my ears. 
"Now, time for the big reveal. Well, not that it's much of a reveal, I guess." 
With that introduction, Shimamura pulled out a package from her bag. I could tell just by looking at it that it was from the same store we'd just been to. 
"I came here yesterday and bought it." 
"Oh, I... I see." 
If she knew that it would lead to this, to us exchanging the exact same gifts back and forth, then why had she recommended that store? 
One explanation that came to mind was that she'd thought that the chocolate looked so delicious that she wanted to try it out herself. Was that really what'd happened? 
"Anyway, let's exchange them now. Here, congratulations." 
Congratulations? Something about her choice of word seemed a little strange, but not necessarily in a bad way. 
And so, we ended up exchanging identical boxes of chocolate. The act might have seemed trivial on the surface—like replacing a playing card with one of the same number—but underneath that, it actually came packed full of meaning. Shimamura and I, we'd just exchanged chocolates. That fact in and of itself was extremely important. Plus, I had a hunch, just a hunch, that the important things that the day that was today held weren't going to end here. 
"Make sure to eat it before it goes bad instead of using it as decoration, okay?" 
Though this comment was likely a mere joke as far as Shimamura was concerned, for me, it was enough to cause me to shudder with fear. Had she seen through me? Putting the box on my shelf, that was something that I might have actually done. 
"Oh, in that case, I'll eat it right now", I stated quickly before moving my hand, not wanting her to notice the turmoil raging inside me. 
"Wow, that's quick", Shimamura commented as I undid the wrappings and pulled out the box. She hadn't been kidding, and what I discovered inside really was the same kind of assorted mix of chocolates I'd gotten her. 
I picked out one at random and tossed it into my mouth. The chocolate shell was sweet, but once I bit through it, something fruity and slightly sour hit my tongue. 
In conclusion, not as sweet as it could have been, but definitely enough to satisfy me. 
"Yep, that was good." 
My comment, lacking in interest, prompted Shimamura to take a good look at me from below. 
"Is that what you really, truly think?" 
"Yeah... Yeah, it is." 
"Hmph." 
Bringing her face even closer, she peered at me deeply. She appeared extremely doubtful for some reason. Still, if it meant our faces being this close to one another, then... did I even mind her being suspicious of me? Strange thoughts like those filled my head, and as I tried making sense of them, Shimamura went and pinched the corners of my mouth. Huh? What? My eyes wide open, I stared at her, all the while she continued lightly poking my cheeks. 
Although the piece of chocolate had long since travelled down my throat, its sweetness still lingered within my mouth. 
"Alright. It looks like you do think that." 
Apparently convinced, she drew her face back. Hmm... Was there any way I could make her suspicious of me again? 
"Wanna try it too, Shimamura?" 
As a random thought, I took out one of the chocolates, this one coated white, and held it up to her. 
"Well, I guess I could take one." 
Shimamura moved to grab the sweet, but I quickly pulled it out of the way of her fingers, and instead, brought it close to her face myself before stating: "Say 'Aaa'". 
"..." 
"..." 
I really wished that she would have reacted in some way. My hands were so warm that I thought the chocolate would soon melt if this kept going on. 
"Oh, alright then." 
Despite seeming a little confused, Shimamura did eventually bite into the round, sugary orb. 
"Hmm, yummy", she commented after chewing thoroughly, all the while running her hand across the surface of her own box. It seemed that going through it later on was something that she was now greatly looking forward to. If you thought about it that way, then yes, an exchange where both parties gave the same thing did make sense. 
Having decided that I would also save the leftovers for later, I gently put away both the box and the wrappings. I needed to spend time facing her, not the sweets. 
We walked up the nearby stairs, as if escaping the stream of people, and returned to the first floor. Once there, Shimamura pulled out her phone. She appeared to check the time, after which she mumbled to herself: 
"Should be soon." 
"What should?" I reacted. My question went ignored, and she instead stated: 
"Let's get there first. Follow me for a bit, okay?" 
Having said that, Shimamura began walking. What was going on? I wasn't sure. Regardless, I hurried to keep pace with her. 
Shimamura led me outside the station. The evening wind greeted us as we passed by an area decorated with all sorts of mysterious, silver statues, through which we reached a small shrubbery—or rather, a poor excuse of one. An object was installed in the middle of it, and as Shimamura saw it, she simply stated: "There". This appeared to be what she'd been looking for. I stopped walking and focused my eyes. 
What stood before us was an electric noticeboard meant for displaying advertisements. There wasn't currently anything showing on it, and likewise, the area around it was quite dark as well. 
And yet, despite that, there were plenty of people besides us there—mostly male-female couples and so forth—all of whom appeared to have their attention turned towards the display. Is there something here? I asked with my eyes, to which Shimamura replied with a smile. 
"Once the clock turns six... Ah, it started. Look", she said, pointing at the noticeboard. I did as told and took a look. 
The display had been completely blank so far, but now, messages began appearing on it. Messages like "I love you, ***" and "Love kiss kiss", the kinds that caused me to grow embarrassed just looking at them. Lines of text faded away as new ones appeared, just like on a screen in a train that showed news, and I could hear people around me excitedly pointing out to their partner whenever theirs came up. It seemed that this was something special done for Valentine's Day specifically. 
In the flow of messages, a certain one caught my eyes. 


"Let's keep going, now and in the future! Hougetsu Shimamura" 


At first, I was left drawing a blank. Who exactly was this "Hougetsu"? Did I know anyone with that name? That question came to be answered as I read a bit further. 
"Ah." 
It was Shimamura. A second wave of bewilderment hit me soon after: That was her given name? 
"Huh? Shimamura, why?" 
My eyes bounced between her and the display. Shimamura simply smiled back. It was a childish, cheerful smile, the kind not often seen on her face. 
"There's this fortune telling program that comes on during the night. They had a campaign where you could get your message here, and I decided to participate." 
As soon as the words "fortune telling program" came out of her mouth, I understood what she was talking about. It was the same show I'd watched. 
Shimamura had watched it too? And daily at that? How surprising. 
Did that mean that this had been the prize that collecting all of the secret letters earned you? 
"I didn't think I'd get to see the message myself, though, so I ended up keeping it safe." 
Having said this, Shimamura turned her eyes back towards the display. I did so as well, but the message was already gone, replaced by someone else's. "Sure is a rush", she joked laughingly. 
As I stared at the message currently displayed, my mind wandered back to the previous one. To Shimamura's message. 
Let's keep going, now and in the future. Keep going... with me? 
"When you... When you say 'let's keep going'... how exactly do you mean it?" 
"Huh? How do I mean it? Well, umm... You want a concrete example or something?" 
Having somehow been able to make out what I'd mumbled, Shimamura began pondering. I could feel myself straying even further off course as I stared at her. 
"Like, let's keep moving in the direction we're heading? Let's stay friends? Something like that, I guess." 
It sounded like she was struggling to find an answer that would satisfy my persistent inquires. There, at her wit's end, Shimamura lifted her arms high in the air while gleefully shouting "wheee". She then lowered them as quickly as she had raised them. 
"Like that?" she asked, her head tilted slightly to the side. 
"Oh, yeah... Like that." 
I went and raised my arms as well. What had I imagined she was going to say to make me feel this dispirited at her answer? 
Shimamura waited for my arms to fall, like withering plants, before opening her mouth. 
"Still, I think it was the perfect message to view with you, Adachi." 
"Huh?" 
"What I mean is, I was thinking about you when I sent it. That's why it ended up like that." 
She twisted her face into an exaggerated smile, almost as if attempting to hide her embarrassment. 
That expression was the final blow. The definitive strike that knocked me out. 
"Ah..." 
The water level in my heart began rising. Something then rushed out, as if unable to stand it. 
A tidal wave of happiness rushed over me. 
Emotion strong enough to cause the tip of my tongue to tingle embraced me. 
Shimamura wished to stay friends with me. That was something that she wanted. 
Ten thousand different thoughts flooded my mind. 
I could feel my consciousness fading away. The scenery, my feet, everything and anything, they all turned fragmentary. 
By the time I realised what was happening, my arms had been wrapped tight around Shimamura's body. 
I stopped breathing. My eyes didn't blink, and I couldn't hear a sound. All parts of my body, my limbs and my organs, ceased functioning simultaneously, as if the distinctions between them had faded away and they had all melted together as one, motionless lump. The arms wrapped around her back couldn't feel a thing either, and the world before me appeared increasingly blurry by the second. 
And yet, I knew the following for a fact. 
Shimamura was there in my arms. I was there in hers. 


 


"Adachi?" Shimamura asked softly as the buzzing in my ears continued tearing my mind apart. 
A surge of emotion rushed over me. It felt like my eyeballs were evaporating within my skull. Mere moments later, it became too much for me to endure, and I found myself furiously smacking Shimamura's back. Each smack caused my ears—packed with blood—to shake. 
"Ghhyah!" she grunted, visibly choking, before pulling herself away from me. With that, I too regained feeling in my limbs. 
I felt pale, as if all blood had been sucked out of me, but at the same time, feverishly hot. 
"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" Shimamura asked, coughing once more in the middle of her words. Feelings of both embarrassment and guilt filled me, and I could feel my tongue trembling. I wanted to apologize, but the words just weren't coming out. My throat became stuck, and like her, I too began coughing. 
"Sorry." 
I put every last drop of strength I had into my neck, and that alone was what I managed to squeeze out, that single word. 
The muscles there were already starting to ache. Soon enough, that pain had extended all the way to my spine. 
"No, it's just... you really startled me" she stated, scratching her head in a manner that made it apparent that she was paying a lot of attention to the stares coming from the people around us. Right. Randomly hugging someone in a place this conspicuous, especially since we were both girls, it was, err... strange. 
I knew that, of course I did. And yet, it didn't matter. My body had simply acted on its own accord. 
"Umm, so yeah. Hugging me without a word is hereby banned." 
Shimamura's tone as well as her choice of words almost made it sound like she was chastising a child. 
I nodded multiple times in response. Wait a second... Flipping her words around, did she mean that I could do it as long as I said something first? 
"It's okay?" 
"Huh?" 
"As I long as I get permission first, then... it's, err... okay?" 
I crossed my arms, like the pincers of a stag beetle. Shimamura watched me do so, thought for a while, and then repeated herself from earlier: "Huh?" After this, she continued: 
"You really want to hug me?" 
I hesitated for a few moments before nodding slightly. I could see Shimamura looking around awkwardly. 
"Why?" 
Why indeed. I'd been thrust forward by my impulses, meaning that even I myself wasn't able to offer a precise explanation. 
I wanted her. That, in its core, was the reason. Of course, there was no way that I could ever say that to her directly. 
"Because... you're warm." 
That was what came to mind as I watched her shiver in the cold wind. 
A puzzled look appeared on Shimamura's face as her mouth opened half-way. 
What was I supposed to do here? I wanted to say something, to fix the situation, but I knew that attempting to do so would only lead me deeper into the bog of excuses. It always did. In that case, if backing down wasn't an option, I'd have no choice but to follow the answer I'd given, to embark with it to the vast plains that awaited in front of me. 
"Let's warm ourselves up!" I stated boldly, despite being in a state where I was sure steam might start shooting out from my ears any second. 
The truth was, I was plenty warm already. With no word of exaggeration, it felt like someone had slapped a hot-water bottle across my face. 
It wasn't actually my goal to warm up. Rather, I wanted to warm her up. I had excess amounts of heat, whereas she was lacking in it. That seemed to me like a good enough reason to squeeze our bodies together. 
Letting momentum carry me, I spread my arms open. Shimamura's lips curled in an uneven fashion as she watched me do so. She then gave the packet of chocolate she'd received a quick glance before putting it into her bag. After tapping the bag twice, she shook her head lightly. 
"Hmm... Well, sure. Why not", she eventually replied with a wry smile on her face, sticking to a choice of words very common for her. 
The screen from earlier still stood behind her. I could see message after message run across it, all moving at a speed far too fast for me to read any of them. 
That was likely an illusion, one visible only to me. 
"Alright. Come here." 
With those words, Shimamura opened her arms wide. She was waiting for me, and in a way, that caused me to experience a certain bit of reluctance. 
I simply wasn't able to muster the courage necessary to run into her embrace. 
Instead, I folded my arms and slowly tottered towards her as she stood there before me in the shape of the letter "T". I'd only made it halfway when I saw her starting to shudder from the cold. Oh no, was I going too slow? I instantly panicked, leaned forward, and almost toppled over. 
This led me to fall straight into her arms. 
Thud. 
"Ouch!" 
A sharp scream left Shimamura's mouth as my forehead bonked into her collarbone. Naturally, the impact affected me as well, and when combined with the fact that I'd already been shaking as it was, the world around me momentarily turned into a blurry mess as my eyeballs were left spinning around in their sockets. 
The sound of my ears buzzing grew louder and louder, enveloping me like a layer of cloth. I could still feel her collarbone against my forehead. 
"Does... Does being friends mean that... we can do stuff like this too...?" 
I proceeded to press my face against her, prompting Shimamura to let out a faint, soft sigh, a sigh which gently shook my hair. She then gave my back a couple of pats. 
"Sadly, you're so skinny that I don't think this is going to get me any warmer." 
Every single one of my muscles had been tense with nervousness, but now, I could feel them relaxing as I further entrusted my body to Shimamura's arms. Likewise, I continued rubbing my forehead against her collarbone. 
"Ouch", I could hear her once more grumble above me. 
It might have seemed weird from outside. People might have been laughing at us. 
And yet, thanks to where I was, I could only see Shimamura, and nothing else. I loved it for that. 
This was what I'd wanted for so long. 
As I sank deeper and deeper into a state of trance, as if melting into a sea of warmth, a worry crossed my mind: Maybe this was all a dream after all. 
I forced my numb arms to move, wanting to make sure that this was actually happening. 
Slowly, I wrapped them around Shimamura's back. 





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