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Adachi to Shimamura - Volume 6 - Chapter 2.1




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Chapter 2 – Home Town Dog

To tell you the truth, the first time Mom had told me we were going to be visiting my grandparents, I really didn't want to go. Why? Well, for one, I'd never had a chance to build a connection with them before that. Plus, with no friends to play with and with no manga to read, I figured that the three days we were going to spend there would be the most boring ones of my entire life. I just hated the idea, straight up. And yet, all of my attempts at signalling discontent were simply ignored, and unable to stand up against my parents, I was left with no choice but to head with them to my grandparent's house located deep in the countryside. 
Of course, as we now know, I ended up changing my mind on the matter relatively quickly. 
In time shorter than the blink of an eye, the countryside scenery which I'd thought to be so boring painted me in its vibrancy. 
I extended my hand, and with no delay, he jumped at me, as if pulled in by some invisible force. From the very first moment we met, I showed no wariness towards him, and neither did he towards me. It was like all we'd ever wanted was a friend to mess around with. I was of course talking about Gon, the new puppy my grandparents had just taken in. We quickly grew close, so close in fact that we'd often be caught licking each other's cheeks and noses. Now, to be fair to my past self, it was mostly he who did the licking. Mostly. 
Looking at the situation from Gon's point of view, it was likely the case that amid all the adults around, he saw me as being suitably weak. The same was also true for me: compared to the much larger dog my grandparents also owned, I figured that hugging Gon would be a lot easier. Not only was he still small enough for me to fit my arms around him, his fur was also extremely soft. All in all, I ended up taking quite the liking to him. 
Wherever I went, Gon always followed after me. Now, that wasn't necessarily a good thing, like, for example, when I tried taking a bath. There was also the fact that he'd crawl into bed with me, forcing me to be extremely careful so that I didn't accidentally roll over and crush him. I ended up sleeping in a really weird position where my back was practically glued against the wall, causing me for the first time in my life to wake up with a strained neck. Oh, but I don't want to make it sound negative or anything like that; there were some issues, sure, but despite all of them, I still loved the time I spent with Gon. He was my number one friend there in the countryside. 
In a mere three days, I'd grown completely attached to him, and when it eventually came time for us to leave, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave Gon behind. To this day, I still remember the tantrum I'd thrown. I'd yelled, I'd cried. Honestly, thinking about it now, that might have been the very first time I ever cried like that while clinging onto something, not wanting to let go. It was also the last. 
Not quite sure how to handle the situation, my parents had suggested that we could get a dog of our own. That wasn't it. That wasn't what I wanted. 
I wanted Gon. 
The one person who immediately understood what was going on was my grandmother. I distinctly remembered the way she'd given my head a light tap. I could also recall the words she'd silently spoken to me. 
"Don't cry." 
That single sentence so packed full of weight was what finally made me stop crying. Once I'd calmed down, the old woman placed her hand on top of my head, patted it, and stated the following: 
"There's always next year." 
Standing there, my hair slightly ruffled, it all came back to me. I remembered the way I'd been whining and whining about not wanting to go back home before we'd left. 
I felt so bad. I didn't deserve all this kindness. Soon enough, a second set of tears began rolling down my cheeks. 
They tasted a lot different compared to the ones before. 
The mix of tears and saliva made it almost impossible for me to speak properly. And yet, I pushed past it to promise to my grandparents that I would definitely come visit them again. The last thing I did before getting into the car was give Gon a hug, all the while sniffling uncontrollably. 
Gon looked so happy as he brought his face close to mine. 
Sitting there, feeling his warmth, I'd found myself wanting to stay like that forever. 
I never wanted to forget him. 
Months would pass, years, but I still felt the same. 
Even in my dreams I thought about it. 


So, yeah. I'd had a dream about the past. It honestly happened pretty often with me. 
"......" 
While being a child did give you a certain bit of leeway, the manner in which I'd cried, it had seriously been way over the line. To this day, whenever I thought about how the scene must have looked from an outside perspective, I found it difficult to resist the temptation to avert my eyes—to think about something else. An emotion similar to both guilt and embarrassment would fill my chest, and in no time, my cheeks would grow red. 
With my back, nose, and cheeks alike covered in sweat, I slowly opened my eyes and forced myself awake. Considering the state of my mind, doing so was easier said than done; I found it impossible to focus on any one thing, almost as if weights of some sort had been attached directly to my brain. Trying to endure the slight headache I was experiencing as well, I shifted my attention towards the window and saw that behind the curtains, the sky was starting to brighten up. It appeared that I had woken up just in time to witness the sunrise. 
As mentioned earlier, I shared the bed with my sister. She was sleeping curled up in a ball, and in a way, kinda resembled a cicada. Putting utmost care into making sure that I didn't pull the blanket off her, I slowly got up, walked to the door on tiptoes, and exited the room. I then took the stairs leading down to the first floor. It was honestly quite rare what was happening here; I'd gotten up super early in the morning, and yet, had no real desire to go back to bed. Instead, it was a different sort of thought which clouded my mind. I found myself wanting to breathe in the outdoors air, all to clear my mind from it. 
"Itchy..." 
I went ahead and scratched the area near my elbow. The events of last night had left me practically covered in mosquito bites. I'd experienced the same so many times over the years I'd come here, and yet, the bugs were still just as merciless as ever. I suppose that only made sense; insects were hardly in a position where they could afford to miss the chance of getting easy prey. 
No sounds could be heard anywhere as I entered the first floor. It appeared that everyone else was still sleeping. I slipped past the bedrooms and entered the living room, only to find Gon lying on his side next to the television. It being summer made it really warm even inside the house, and yet here he was, wrapped in a blanket while not moving at all. Worried, I crouched down next to him and checked if he was breathing. Thankfully, he was. I also glanced at his face and saw that his expression was quite soft, almost as if every last muscle of his had simultaneously grown loose. 
I wanted to believe that he was having pleasant dreams, that for a short moment, he was able to forget how old and heavy his body had grown. 
Staring at him, I found myself instinctively opening my mouth. It was as if I was trying to say something. And yet, nothing came out. 
How was I supposed to put into words the things I wanted to express? I didn't know. The answer escaped me. 
My feelings ran in circles while the rest of my mind lagged behind. Something about that reminded me of Adachi. 
Ultimately, I ended up distancing myself from him in silence. The words simply didn't come to me. As if running away, I headed towards the back door. There, I put on my sandals and hopped outside. I didn't lock the door, but since I was only going for a quick walk to the front of the house, I figured that would be fine. I mean, thieves too were probably still sleeping at this time of the day. Almost as if to prove my point, a yawn escaped my mouth immediately after I'd had that thought. 
I tried to listen, but I couldn't hear any cicadas around. The only sound which echoed through the air was that of my feet monotonously thudding against the dry soil. The sky might have been growing brighter by the minute, but there were still some bits of dimness left to be dispelled. Similarly, bits of the sun's warmth from yesterday still lingered around, causing me to hesitate to call the air cool. This matched the ashen scenery which spread before me perfectly. 
I was quite familiar with this whole scenario. The time during summer break was different enough from the norm where I'd often find myself having some trouble sleeping, leading me to get up at a time when everyone else was still in bed. The first time it'd happened, I hated it. I didn't want to have to find something to entertain myself. Reluctantly, I'd left the house, only to spot a certain someone chasing after me. That someone was Gon. Sensing my presence, he'd come out to run around the yard with me. 
That was back when my sister had still slept in a crib. 
The exact details of the scenery were mostly lost to time, but the sensation of him rubbing his face against my cheek, that I remembered like it had happened yesterday. 
I'd been so happy. That was all I'd felt, pure bliss. Same with Gon; neither of us had cared what came next. We'd been living in that one single instant of time. Every year, I'd always see Gon, and every time we had to part ways, I'd always cry. That was the cycle we lived in. And yet, despite all of that, I somehow took it for granted that we were able to play together. 
Fast forward to the present, those same thoughts were now smothering me. 
I felt relieved that Gon was still alive. Of course I did. However, at the same time, I couldn't help but also find the whole situation quite tough on my heart. 
Saying that I liked him was an understatement. Saying that I loved him was closer, but that too failed to capture some of the nuance of it. What should I say to him then? Comment on how healthy I thought he looked? No, that didn't really feel right. Likewise, I also wanted to think it was far too early for me to be thanking him for everything he'd given me. So then, what was it? What was it that I wanted to convey to Gon? How did I see myself being freed from the lump of melancholy stuck inside my chest and throat? 
Despite my best efforts, no answer appeared to me. I was left ruffling my messy bed hair to no avail. 
There was certainly something there. 
Something which made it impossible for me to fully relax. 
And yet, I— 
"Oh my. It's quite early to be going out for a walk." 
All of a sudden, a voice called out to me, bringing me back to my senses. I could say the same to him; besides the people who delivered newspapers, I couldn't think of anyone who worked this early in the morning. Moreover, I had to imagine that most of the ones who did wouldn't just wander onto the property of someone else and greet them. 
This old man I was talking with lived next door to my grandparents. Iwaya, I think his name was. Just like yesterday, he was once again wearing a turban, and when combined with the large bag he was carrying on his back as well his dark, shrivelled skin, I was left with the impression that he wasn't originally from around here. All in all, nothing about his appearance made me think of a countryside neighbour. 
"Good morning", I went ahead and greeted him, all the while slowly drawing myself back. 
"Morning", the man replied. He wasn't moving in the slightest. "I guess it makes sense to go for a walk early in the morning. If nothing else, there's fewer people around." 
"Hmm, yeah, I suppose." 
That hardly made a difference, I felt; there were never any people around here. 
"Anyway, you're... Oh, you're their grandchild, right?" 
"That I am. Shimamura. Shimamura Hougetsu." 
"Hougetsu, huh? Somehow, I get the feeling that you're not quite as into literature as that name would suggest." 
The man followed this statement of his with a hearty laugh. Something about his face as he did that brought to my mind the older girl I used to play with way back in the day. Coincidentally, the time her family spent in the countryside had perfectly overlapped with our schedule, leaving her with ample time to spend messing about with both me and Gon. Based on her age, I could only assume that she'd been this man's granddaughter. 
Putting all that aside, there was something that intrigued me. I went ahead and shifted my attention towards the man's hands. 
As I did, he immediately thrust the item he was holding forward. It was like he'd been expecting this to happen. 
"This thing caught your eye, huh?" 
"Umm, yeah." 
I mean, of course it did. It was hardly the sort of thing you'd normally bring outside with you. 
What the man had in his hand was a teacup of extremely plain make. 
Whereas I replied to him in the most nonchalant way possible, the man himself appeared to be quite excited. With a look of glee in his eyes, he lifted the cup and held it high. 
"I actually got this from my granddaughter. She made it for me." 
"Huh?" 
"She's training to be a potter, that girl. I once complained about not having enough cups, and just like that, she made me one. My own personal teacup." 
"I see." 
It all made sense now; the reason why he'd gone outside with a teacup in hand was so that he could show it off to someone, to brag a little. I guess that made him not a full-blown weirdo. No, he was just bordering on being one. Somehow, I got the impression that he was the sort of person who often had both his relatives as well as bystanders worrying about him. 
"So, what do you think? Can't you just feel the intelligence hidden beneath the plain form?" 
"Sorry, but I don't really know anything when it comes to this stuff. I'm pretty uncultured in that way." 
Hehe. 
"Fret not. My granddaughter's skills are such that even those with no eye for aesthetics can see how deep they go!" 
"Huh?" 
All of a sudden, the man's tone changed. While I wouldn't go as far as to say that he sounded angry or anything like that, he definitely wasn't laughing anymore. 
"As such, here. Have this fishing rod." 
"As such? That doesn't make any sense..." 
The people of this area (according to Mom) had really bizarre ways of stringing conversations together. For a second, I thought he might have been joking, but no, the man really did hand me the fishing rod he had with him. What was I going to do with this thing? I wasn't quite sure. And yet, I took it anyway. The rod was simple in its make and painted black. I wasn't sure where, but I distinctly remembered seeing one just like it before. As far as price went, honestly, I think I'd put it somewhere in the 300 yen range. 
"Go ahead, let your mind return to your childhood and indulge in the simple pleasures." 
"But why fishing?" 
The last time I'd gone fishing was with Hino last year. 
"Well, this thing is actually your grandfather's. I borrowed it from him. Once you're done using it, give it back to him, will ya?." 
"Oh, I see. Sure." 
"There's nothing like casting a line when you need to think about stuff." 
It was almost as if the man had peered right into my soul. I instinctively lifted my head, only to catch him humming to himself. 
That was what I assumed he was doing, at least; though I could see his mouth moving, with most of it hidden behind his bushy moustache, I was for the most part left to simply assume. 
"Trying to tackle things head-on and just think them through without something else to keep your body occupied will often leave you feeling mighty tired." 
"Understood." 
In other words, cross your arms and focus fully on the matter at hand, and five minutes later, you'll find yourself having rolled into bed. 
"Hmm?" 
All of a sudden, the old man craned his neck. It was as if he was looking past me. 
A second passed and I heard something bang against the door. This was enough to get me to turn my head as well. 
I was able to tell based on the faint silhouette that it was not a human who'd made the sound. No, he was far too short for that. I was of course talking about Gon; Gon had opened the door and was now approaching me. His speed was such that I'd hesitate to say he was walking, but at the same time, he most certainly wasn't running either. His eyes half-closed as if he was having trouble staying awake, the old dog looked up at me. 
"Gon..." 
Had I woken him up when I left the house? If so, then I wish I hadn't. That wasn't a nice thing to do. 
Him chasing after me, it was just like a scene from the past. The one big difference was that this time, he didn't jump into my arms. Not one bit of the liveliness he used to be brimming with could be seen in his muddy eyes. Likewise, my shadow had grown much in terms of area it covered over the years and was now large enough to swallow the dog whole. 
A sharp wave of pain shot through my face, almost as if a blood vessel in my nose had burst open. It was to the point where I honestly felt like if I didn't push on it, blood would start gushing out. Was I bleeding already? I could feel bits of liquid of some sort drip down the skin surrounding my nose, so maybe. 
Of course, the most probable answer was that it was simply sweat. 
So many different thoughts appeared in my mind as I stared at Gon. And yet, like usual, I was unable to put any of them into words; it really felt like the sort of situation where no matter how long and hard I thought about it, I'd forever remain unable to express myself. It was for that reason that rather than doing so, what I did was lean forward and pat his head. 
"Good morning, Gon." 
What ought to come first was a greeting. As if replying to me, Gon let out a slight bark. 
Hmm... Having done this, I was no longer in any position to laugh at Adachi, was I? 
"Ah, Gon. Still kicking? You sure are a tough one. Well, so am I." 
The old man went ahead and extended his hand towards Gon. It was like he was offering him a handshake. As for Gon, he remained motionless by my feet, hardly reacting as the man gripped his front paw. After giving it a quick shake, he let go. 
"Then again, I was already a grandpa when he was first brought here." 
This comment of his was followed by another hearty laugh. After he was done laughing, the man gave Gon one last nod. 
An old dog and an even older man. With the two of them staring at each other, it felt like for a moment, time itself had come to a stop. 
This went far beyond your typical morning greeting. Some more time passed, and at last, the man turned around. 
What appeared before me was his back, his vigorous back. 
He was so old, yet so full of energy at the same time. 
For some reason, I found myself calling him to a halt. 
"Hey, umm." 
"What?" 
The man's kind tone gave me just the confidence I needed to be able to ask him the following: 
"Is it tough growing old?" 
His answer wasn't going to affect anything. Things were going to continue the same way as they always had. And yet, despite all of that, I just couldn't help but ask. 
Mumbling to himself, the man shook his head slightly. His turban shook as well. 
"I see. So, your questions too have a hint of philosophy to them, huh? I guess that only makes sense, given your name and all." 
"What's that even supposed to mean..." 
I hadn't meant to grumble that out loud. No, it was simply my instinctual reaction to the situation; if I had to call anything here philosophical, it would be his needlessly obtuse answer. 
"It's not tough for me, no. Why? Well, I got this teacup from my granddaughter, that's why. Haha. Does that answer your question?" 
You could see the man's eyes sparkle as he stated that. 
"Hmm, I guess." 
It really didn't. Apparently, I'd picked the wrong person to ask. 
"That's the sort of question you ought to ask one whose answer you want to hear directly." 
Having said this, the man gave Gon a quick glance before getting up in a grandiose manner and tossing his bag onto his shoulder. 
"Now then, it's time I get going. I have a treasure to find." 
"A treasure?" 
"Indeed. There's some at the bottom of the ocean I'd like to look for as well, but the situation with that one is such that—" 
Mumbling to himself in a tone tinged with regret, the man turned around and walked away. What on earth was he going on about? I had not the faintest of clues. 
His turban bounced from side to side matching the movements of his head. Each time it did that, I would get a glance of the morning sun behind it. 
I took the fishing rod and cast it towards the light. 
A completely worthless thought passed my mind as I did so: If it was possible to rewind time by catching the sun, then how would I use that power? 
"Just ask him, huh? If only it was that easy..." 
I knew Gon wasn't going to give me the answer I wanted. And yet, as a joke, I went ahead and asked him anyway. 
No reply could be heard. Not even a bark. Instead, he simply squinted his eyes. 



"Are you sure you will be alright, Hougetsu? Should I come with you?" 
No sooner had I told my family that I was going out fishing than my grandmother asked me that. It appeared that the old woman was quite worried about my safety. I suppose it only made sense; it wasn't that long ago that she had hit her head and been left with the entire right side of her face covered in blood. 
"I'll be fine. I mean, your knee still hasn't recovered fully, has it, Grandma?" 
"Hiyah!" 
This sudden scream of hers was accompanied by her kicking the air. Her leg rose way higher than I would've expected. 
While certainly a sight to be seen, what hampered the situation a bit was the way the woman practically fell onto her knees immediately afterwards. 
"Are you okay?" 
"Yes, yes. It's nothing serious, just a little foot cramp." 
"Right... Like mother, like daughter." 
It was clear to see where Mom had picked up much of her personality traits. 
"Alright, I'm all good now. So then, what do you want to do about lunch?" 
"Hmm, I doubt I'm going to stay for long enough for that to be an issue." 
Glancing at the clock, I saw that less than an hour had passed since I'd had breakfast. What that meant was that there were around three more hours left till lunch. 
"At least take some food with you. Just a second, I'll make you an onigiri." 
"Thanks." 
Practically running, my grandmother disappeared into the kitchen, only to return a few moments later with some food and a bottle of water in hand. She'd stuffed the onigiri with some leftover meat cutlets from yesterday. 
"I'll put these in your bag. They should be enough for you to last till lunch, I think." 
"It's fine, it's fine. I'll be sure to look for shade", I repeated while taking the bag from her hands. As I did, I noticed something moving in the corner of my eye. I shifted my attention, and what I found there was a pair of clouded pupils staring at me. 
"Gon." 
Slowly, the dog drew next to me and rubbed the tip of his nose against my leg. It kinda tickled. 
"What is it?" I asked him while stroking the fur on his back. Doing that, I noticed that my grandmother had begun to smile at some point. 
"Gon's saying that he'll go with you", she stated. Was that really a good idea? I was about to say something, but ultimately, ended up swallowing my words. "He wants to run behind you like he always does." 
"Right..." 
There was something about the way she said those words that bothered me. Always. What did that mean? When did it start, when did it end? 
I couldn't help but worry a little whether Gon would be able to walk such a long distance. I mean, yes, we used to walk far greater distances back when we were both younger, but at the same time, I also remembered him never getting exhausted which he most certainly did these days. 
With my legs having grown so much longer, I wonder, would it this time be him who'd be left trying to catch up with me? 
While I was busy thinking about that sort of stuff, my grandmother took the opportunity to break off a few pieces of bread and toss them into a bag. 
"Here's some food for Gon." 
"Oh, thanks." 
"You can eat a couple too if you get hungry, Hougetsu." 
"Umm... Sure." 
"Haha. Just joking." 
A hearty laugh left her mouth. After a slight pause, I too laughed, only for... 
"I'm not senile." 
...my grandmother to speak that reminder with a dead-serious look on her face. The corners of her eyes appeared bloodshot, and honestly, it was kinda scary looking at her. 
Next, I headed to the hallway, and there, I ran into my little sister. She'd just finished brushing her teeth. Small droplets of water could be seen around her mouth. 
I wasn't sure why, but she never wiped her face afterwards. 
"Where are you going, Sis?" 
"Take a guess", I stated while pointing at the fishing rod standing against the wall. The girl quickly turned to look behind her. 
"Oh, the river? I'll come with you." 
"No you won't. It's way too dangerous for you." 
I gave her the palm, putting an end to her plans. She could grumble and complain all she wanted, but the fact remained that there was simply no way I could ever bring her along to play by the river. There were few things as deeply engraved into my mind as the notion that I had to keep my sister safe. You could practically call in an instinct. 
"Really? Even though Gon's going with you?" 
"What are you talking about? Gon's way older than you are." 
He was closer to my age if anything. My age... 
An ounce of resentment towards how the world worked passed my mind as I thought about that. It simply wasn't fair. 
"There, there. Granny will play with you." 
Having appeared from somewhere, my grandmother placed her hand on the girl's shoulder, almost as if comforting her. Judging by the way her puffed cheeks caved in, it seemed to work. 
"You will?" she asked, her head tilted slightly to the side. 
"Of course. Now then, off we go to play some Bomberman." 
A faint sliver of glee could be heard in the old woman's voice. Could it be the case that she simply wanted to have some fun herself? Hmm, that honestly might be it. 
I too remembered playing the game in question with the weird girl from next door. Wait a minute, next door... Was she the one who'd made that teacup? Now that I thought about it, she had definitely been quite skilled with her hands. Origami in particular was something she excelled in. There was this one time I remembered especially well when she'd taken an advert that came with the mail and folded it into a ship. 
"Ah, Hougetsu. Don't forget to wear a hat." 
The last thing my grandmother did before walking off with my sister was grab a baseball cap off the shelf next to the shoe rack and place it on my head. The hat itself was blue, with a few paint stains covering its exterior. It kinda smelled like it had been burned by the sun. 
"Also, a parasol. You'll need a parasol." 
From the back of that same shelf, the woman pulled out a black parasol and handed it to me as well. Its surface was decorated with lace, overall giving me the impression that this was something a proper lady would use. Was it my grandmother's, perhaps? Whatever the case, I took the parasol from her and placed it on my shoulder alongside my bag and the fishing rod. Things were getting kinda heavy, I had to say. 
And yet, it wasn't the case that I could simply drop the ones that I didn't need. 
This was what happened when you let others get too helpful. 
"Take care out there." 
"I will. Now, as for you, be a good girl, okay? I'll play with you once I get back." 
That last part was aimed towards my sister. 
"Hmph. No need", the girl grumbled while turning her head the other way. 
"Oh." 
Why was it that she so adamantly refused to act true to her feelings? I wished that every once in a while, she'd be more like Yashiro and put on a big, wide grin. No, wait... Maybe that wouldn't be for the best after all. 
Having now stepped outside and closed the door behind me, I let out a long sigh. 
"How is she so kind?" 
Moreover, could I grow to be like her as well? 
I simply didn't get it; whenever people showed me kindness, my instinctual reaction was to look the other way—to avert my eyes. 
"Hmm... Let's go, Gon." 
With those words, the two of us began walking. We took a few steps, and there, I noticed that Gon already had his tongue stuck out. It appeared that the heat was getting to him. His shabby legs certainly didn't make walking any easier for him either. I extended the parasol, and immediately, he cuddled up against my leg, as if slipping into the shade which was created. There was no chance he could keep up with me were I to start running. At some point, our positions had been completely reversed. 
The song of the cicadas sounded a bit unusual today, almost as if a giant net had been spread in the air. It was so synchronized, so in-tune that I couldn't help but feel like were I to listen to this for long enough, my consciousness might fade away. I shook my head, driving the sound out. 
A bit further in, I came across Dad. He was currently busy washing our car with a hose. The yard here was a lot bigger than back home, which I guess made washing it easier. That was the conclusion I came to, at least. While he had his back turned to us initially, the car was now shiny enough where our reflections were clearly visibly on its surface, and as we approached him, he quickly turned around. 
All the while, the hose continued shooting out water. I was lucky to not get drenched. 
"You're heading out?" 
"Yep." 
His eyes gazed at Gon and then the fishing rod on my shoulder. 
"I'd love to eat carp for dinner. Been a while since I've last had it." 
"Now you're just being ridiculous." 
"Do you want me to drop you off?" 
Sounding almost proud of himself, the man pointed his chin towards the newly washed car. I quickly glanced at Gon, then at the sky. 
No clouds could be seen anywhere, greatly multiplying the intensity of the sunshine. I made sure that the parasol was blocking it for the both of us before gently shaking my head. 
"No, it's fine. We'll walk." 
"Oh. Well, be careful then." 
With those words, Dad turned around and got back to hosing the car. He seemed to be sweating quite a bit now that I looked at him, leaving me to wonder if it would've been better for him to simply spray some water on his body and get it over with. I mean, the end result was the same either way. The last thing I saw as I walked off was my grandfather showing up and asking Dad to wash their car as well. 
Crossing the same small bridge we'd crossed when coming here, I found myself travelling down a long, descending road. After a bit of walking, I took a turn towards the river, passed under a bridge built across it, and began making my way towards the mountain. Honestly, there was something kinda exciting about all this. It was almost like I was going down my very own secret path, one which no one else knew about. I was reminded of all those times back in the day when I'd gone outside with Gon without telling my parents first. 
To this day, I vividly remembered the way my grandmother had lost her footing and slipped as she came to pick me up. I hadn't thought much of it in the moment as she'd still smiled at me despite half of her face being covered in blood, but looking back to it now, maybe I should have. I mean, things definitely could've gone a lot, lot worse. It took me years to realize that I was to blame for the whole thing; sure, I hadn't pushed her or anything like that, but the fact of the matter was that none of it would've happened had I not decided to go play by the river. It was in that moment that I learned what it meant to feel guilt. To this day, a feeling best described as regret still lingered in the back of my mind. 
I was... how to put it... an unkind person. Uncaring. It was likely for that reason I felt such strong opposition towards the idea of ever being indebted to someone else. After all, if I was, I'd have to pay attention to their needs. 
I'd have to act kind. 
There was something off about that, about forced kindness. The whole premise behind it was all wrong. Piling up those sorts of mistakes would eventually lead you to a position from which there was no running away from, and let me tell you, that was not a recipe for a happy life. Sure, making sure that there were no hitches in your relationships was a key step when it came to improving your well-being, but if the method through which you did that was in itself flawed, then that was... that was... bad? While I understood the concept on an emotional level, actually trying to put it into words, that turned out to be quite difficult. It gave me a good sense of how little of my brain I actually used on a daily basis. 
"I feel like the more I think about this stuff, the less I get it." 
The world before me began to spin, almost as if I'd started getting dizzy from the heat. I quickly stopped walking, pressed my hand against my face, and waited for the sensation to pass. Glancing at him, I saw that Gon too had sat down. He was waiting for me. Or maybe not; it kinda looked like he might simply be catching a break. I crouched down next to him, and while patting his head, decided to stay like this for a bit more time. The summer sky was shining brightly above us, but thanks to the parasol my grandmother had given me, I found the situation surprisingly bearable. 
"......" 
I stared down at Gon, his eyelids heavy, looking like he might fall asleep any second now. 
What if. 
What would happen if I were to leave him here and just run off? 
That was something I found crossing my mind. I doubt he had the stamina needed to keep up with me anymore, nor the willpower for that matter. Would he slowly stumble his way back home and then bite me once he got there? Or would he not even be able to make it back and instead collapse by the roadside, dry up, and slowly wither away? Simply the thought of that happening made me feel horrible.  


A drop of my sweat—one whose true nature I wasn't quite able to grasp—fell on Gon's head, prompting him to twist his body and change his position. It was as if he was fleeing in case more were going to follow. 
"Come on, don't hate me for that. Hmm... Do you hate me?" 
A dry laugh escaped my mouth; even here his movements were sluggish. 
Humming to myself, I remained like that for some more time. 
"Alright, break time is over." 
With that proclamation, I sprang up. As for a reply, well, I didn't get one. 
Was this really the sort of person I was? I didn't know. No clear answer came to me. 
Seriously, what a pain. All of it. 
We made our way forward along the river. Soon, all the buildings around us vanished, and as they did, the ground we walked on too transformed from hardened soil into a collection of tiny pebbles. It was as if nature was reclaiming the scenery from civilization, as if a new path forward was opening. The stench of dirt faded away, giving room for the smell of water. 
No longer could I hear any cars around. Instead, what echoed in my ears were the songs of cicadas mixed with the sounds of the river. Simply having that sound gush over my body made me feel like all the sweat I'd built up coming here was being washed away. 
The leaves and branches that extended over the road formed almost a roof of sorts, sprinkling sunlight painted green on Gon and me as we walked under them. The ground beneath our feet was made of rocks of various sizes, causing each step we took to place our eyes on a slightly different level, completely altering the scenery in the progress. As for the air, it was so green that each time I breathed it in, I was left feeling like there was a plant of some kind inside me that was starting to bud. 
There was a large rock nearby positioned such that half of it protruded over the river. I sat down on it, took out my fishing rod, and cast the line into the water. Allowing myself to relax, I gradually shifted into a position where I was leaning slightly forwards. The rock was quite warm having spent the entire day absorbing the sun's heat, and even through my clothes, I could feel my legs starting to grow warm. 
The wind felt so good that I couldn't help but take off my hat and let my hair flow free. This left my neck fully exposed, and quickly, a wave of cold more reminiscent of winter than summer as it currently was passed through my body. The intensity of it was to the point where I found myself shaking a little. 
Glancing at Gon, I saw that he had crawled under the shade of the parasol where he now remained, lying flat against the rock with his eyes closed. He was completely still, so still in fact that I couldn't help but worry a little, and soon, it got to the point where I just had to reach out to him and give his back a quick scratch. Though faint, I did feel him breathing, instantly filling me with relief. This prompted Gon to open his right eye. Had I disrupted him? That was certainly a possibility. I gave him one more pat before pulling my hand away, and as I did that, Gon once again closed his eyes. Based on what my grandmother had told me, he spent most of his time sleeping these days. 
I wonder, was he constantly dreaming? 
Was everything that had happened so far, the entire journey leading here a mere fragment in the ocean of dreams and reality? 
"Ah. I forgot to bring a bucket for the fish", I noticed all of a sudden. Sadly, it was already far, far too late. Being way too much of a city girl to carry my potential catches back with bare hands, I was left with no choice but to say goodbye to the idea of eating fish for dinner. Then again, it was more than likely that I wasn't going to catch anything either way. I mean, heck, I wasn't using any bait for crying out loud. No way could you catch fish with this thing. You couldn't even catch Yashiro. 
I'd come here because fishing was supposedly the best activity to do while thinking things through, but now the question became, did I have anything to think about? 
"Hmm..." 
For one reason or another, my mind wandered to Adachi. Was it because I'd seen a bit of her in Gon's face? She too had a tendency to look equally dispirited whenever things didn't go her way. 
I felt it to be a good thing how easily read she was. There was something surprisingly important about that, being able to convey your feelings. 
Adachi was... how to put it... quite inexperienced when it came to dealing with others. As a result, I found hanging out with her to still be just as novel as it had been initially. Whereas I'd been worn out by constant human interactions, abraded by them, she, she was different. I'd even go as far as to say that we were opposites in that aspect. This explained why occasionally, I found myself wanting to treat her with affection, to tend to her. 
I'd suggested to her that maybe she should make friends with other people. To me, that felt like a perfectly normal piece of advice. 
And yet, to Adachi, it was as if she didn't understand what I was even talking about. I couldn't help but feel like there were loads of these things that were accepted as ordinary by others that she had no experience with. 
The likely explanation for that was that she'd spent her youth—the time during which your personality was formed—stuck inside her shell and was only now starting to cultivate her feelings, her emotions. It was kinda similar to how I'd fallen behind in my studies and had to play catch up later on, although in her case, doing so was going to be much, much more difficult. To make matters even worse, she'd elected to skip past all the simple interactions and jump straight into the deep end. In this situation she found herself in, where everyone around her had long since matured as far as their personalities were concerned, she could rely on me for help. Everything she got from me she accepted as fact. All in all, I could say with certainty that she had opened herself to me. That was what I felt as I sat there, embraced by the soft wind. 
I really meant that. Seriously, it was to the point where I wouldn't even be half-surprised were she to come out and say that she loved me. 
Just then, my phone rang. Was it Adachi? Was she calling in to complain, to appeal her case? I took the device out from my bag, glanced at the screen, and saw that... 
"Oh, I was wrong." 
...it wasn't Adachi calling me, but instead, Tarumi. I was just about to answer when all of a sudden, my finger froze in place. 
I glanced at Gon. Our eyes met, and immediately, I could feel my throat start to squirm. It was as if I had something stuck in there. 
The song of cicadas faded away, giving room for my ringtone as it swallowed us both. With the weight of the sound pressing down on me, I could feel the back of my head starting to hurt. 
My phone continued ringing. As it did, I simply sat there and waited. 
I ultimately ended up not picking up the call. 
Once the ringing had stopped, I turned the device off and tossed it back into my bag. 
Why had I even brought my phone in the first place? 
There was something about the act of intentionally missing a call that made me extremely nervous. My mind was in disarray. 
And yet, despite that. 
It was very much possible that— No. This wasn't something I could dance around using ambiguous words. No, I had to face the situation head-on. 
This was almost certainly going to be the final chance Gon and I had to spend time together. 
As such. As such. I repeated myself many times over, almost as I was making up excuses. 
What was the right thing to call this? Sincerity? Faithfulness? 
"What do you think?" 
I went ahead and reached out to Gon for an opinion. He remained motionless, the expression on his face telling me that he had no idea. 
Back in the day, he would immediately leap up the moment our eyes met. So happy, having so much fun, the two of us would prance around. 
Yet now, neither one of us moved. Only the wind did, blowing softly against my face. 
I could feel my body starting to shiver. 
Slowly, I shifted my attention to the distant scenery. 
"I've grown so much. And so have you, Gon." 
Both my chest, throat, as well as eyes tightened up as I forced those words out. 
For a moment, I found myself unable to breathe. 
What was going on? 
Had something awakened inside me, prompting my body to cramp? 
Paying no attention to what was happening with me, the river continued its peaceful flow. 
The air, the water, they didn't care about us. For them, we were simply temporary. 
Incapable of anything special. 
Even something as simple as keeping Gon alive. 
Pile up as many layers of dreams as you wanted, the truth remained as it was, melted down by summer's heat. 
Even so, I wonder, what did the time we spent here leave us with? 
Did it shine a shimmer of light onto Gon's dreams? I could only hope so. 
Sitting there, my line cast, the cool river breeze cooling down my cheeks, I thought. 
I thought and I thought. 


Ultimately, I ended up returning home empty handed. Well, not that I had the means to carry my bounty back even if I had caught something. 
Along the way, I noticed that Gon's step had grown visibly heavy. Deciding that this was a good time for a break, I sat down with him and spread out my lunch box. I then took out the breadcrumbs my grandmother had prepared for Gon, and using my hands as a substitute for a plate, brought them close to his mouth. The way he ate them made him look like an oversized bird. Back in the day, he used to always be demanding treats from me, but now, what I saw as I stared at his mouth was a row of missing teeth. I couldn't help but feel a little sad looking at him. 
We took our time making our way back against the river's flow. 
Having now returned, the first person I saw was Dad. He was still busy with the whole car washing thing. However, unlike previously, my grandfather had now joined him. It appeared that the two had ultimately ended up washing his car together. Feeling that this was as good a time as any to give the fishing rod back to him, I went ahead and approached them. 
"Here you go, Grandpa." 
"Welcome back. Hmm? What's this?" 
Covered in sweat and with a sponge in hand, the old man tilted his head. Oh, right. 
"The old man next door told me to give this back to you." 
"Really? He borrowed this from me? I don't remember that at all. Well, then again, his memory is way better than mine." 
Thanking me, he took the rod off my hands. With that out of the way, I then turned towards Dad and showed my empty hands to him. 
"No carps. None." 
"That's too bad", the man lamented, all the while shaking his head lightly. Was he being serious? There were times like these where I simply couldn't tell. 
On my way towards the backdoor, I stopped for a second to take a glance at the doghouse. Whereas I was having trouble getting the thing out of my head, Gon appeared to be completely uninterested. This was where the dog my grandparents owned before Gon had slept. I wonder, what had been the relationship between the two? Did staring at the doghouse not fill him with feelings of loneliness? Or perhaps, had he already forgotten that the other dog had ever existed? 
Fatigue weighing down on my shoulders, I pushed the door leading inside the house open. 
The very first thing that hit my ears there was a high-pitched giggle. 
"Hehehe! Piece of cake!" 
The voice belonged to my grandmother, currently sitting in front of the living room TV with her shoulders rocking back and forth in a slightly uncomfortable manner. Next to her sat my sister. You could very easily tell what she thought of the situation by the way her cheeks were puffed. "No fair. I can't beat you at all", I could hear her comment. It appeared that the old woman was not one to give out undeserved victories. 
"I'm back." 
"Oh, Hougetsu. Welcome, welcome. Hehe." 
Her head was now turned towards me, and yet she just kept on laughing. There was something kinda creepy about the sight, her giggling with a controller in hand. 
While I was busy taking off my shoes, Gon walked inside past me, his head hung as if he was catching his breath. Likewise, his tail too was drooping low. 
"Good job. You worked hard", I thanked him as he slowly made his way towards the corner of the room before slouching down and wrapping his body in the blanket that was there. That blanket was one I'd bought him as a gift a while back, and it was nice to see that it was still being used. 
I crouched down next to him, only for my sister to come in from the side and smack my head. I was about to say something, but before I could, she dodged out of the way. 
Without as much as a comment, the girl placed herself on top of my legs. 
"What? Are you that starved for attention?" 
"Shut up." 
Why was she the one being angry here? Frowning in pain, I could hear my grandmother laughing. 
"Hahaha. Aren't you the popular one, Hougetsu." 
"Hmm, I guess I am." 
"No you're not", my sister stated for whatever reason. With her lying on my lap, I went ahead and stroked her hair, exposing her ear in the process. I then pulled on it. 
"Eek!" 
"Did you eat the lunch I packed you?" 
It was my grandmother who spoke, still pressing buttons on the controller she had in hand. 
"Yep, I did." 
"Was it enough? If you're hungry, I can warm up some cutlets for you." 
"Hmm..." 
I went ahead and squeezed my stomach through my clothes. 
"No, I think I'm good." 
"Sure. Do tell me if you get hungry though. I bought some dumplings as snacks." 
"Thanks." 
Having said that, I finally let go of my sister's ear. She tried to protest, ask me what the heck I was doing, but in response, I simply pushed her head down. 
My grandmother's voice, her actions, they were filled to the brim with affection and love towards her grandchildren. I took them in, and in my mind, associated them with kindness. 
Why was that? I simply wasn't able to tell. 
"Hey, Grandma." 
"What is it?" 
"How were you able to grow up to become so kind?" 
Just as I said that, an explosion took place on the screen. 
Shifting her attention away from the game, my grandmother turned her head around towards me. 
"Hougetsu?" 
"Oh, umm... It's just..." 
I found the situation a bit awkward now that she was staring back at me. 
As for the old woman, she didn't appear to think much of it. Instead, she simply answered my question. 
"It's simple, really. Once you part ways with someone, you never know if you'll be able to see them again. As such, I want to do as much as I can while I still have the chance." 
She wasn't putting up a front. She wasn't trying to act big. Rather, the way in which she spoke made it seem like what she was saying was the most natural thing in the world. 
I was left with a good sense of just how broad she was as a person based on this philosophy of hers. 
Cherish every encounter since you never know if it'll be your last. That seemed to be the gist of what she was saying. On a theoretical level, it was quite a simple concept to comprehend. 
Was that sort of sincerity what I should be showing Gon? Most likely. 
And yet, whether I'd be able to do that, whether I'd be able to be fully and honestly true to my feelings, that was a whole other thing altogether. 
Living my life to the fullest was sadly something that went beyond my capabilities. 
The world around me began to grow dark. I hung my head, and there he was. Gon with his eyes closed. 
"You don't need to concern yourself with such things, Hougetsu. You're already a very kind girl." 
I shifted my attention away from Gon and back towards my grandmother. No, that wasn't true. 
"I'm not." 
No matter how favourably you wanted to look at the situation, her comment simply didn't apply to me. I knew my personality, and if there was one thing I lacked it was kindness. 
Softness, elegance. All different names for the same thing. 
How did my grandmother find my reply? I didn't have to wait for long, as soon enough, she turned around and spoke the following words: 
"Hougetsu. What you are is fastidious." 
"Fastidious?" 
I wasn't quite sure how to react. No one had ever called me that before. 
"There is no need to live your life in such a conscientious way. It's okay to loosen up every now and then." 
"Huh?" 
Conscientious? What did she mean? 
"Well, you did get called a delinquent when you were still just fifteen, but I'm sure you understand what I mean." 
"Don't worry. I was a very good girl growing up." 
"What about now?" 
"Even better." 
The old woman drew close to me and patted my head. Except that she didn't; the way she moved her hand was better described as her tousling my hair. 
Everything around me grew blurry as my head continued rocking from side to side. 
"You're trying too hard to assure that your relationships with others are perfectly level. If there are ever any bumps, you find that to be unnatural. Really, you're so faithful, so sincere that if I didn't know better, I would never guess that you're my daughter's child." 
Putting the random disparaging of Mom aside, sincere? She was saying that I was sincere? 
I recalled how I had reacted to the phone call back at the river, and quickly, my mind collapsed into a state of confusion. 
"I don't understand." 
I was well aware of how my reply sounded. It was as if I'd returned to my childhood. 
Whereas I was clearly confused, my grandmother remained perfectly calm. 
"Give me your number, Hougetsu." 
"Huh?" 
"I'm talking about your phone number. I'll snap a few pictures of Gon and send them over to you." 
A soft grin appeared on the old woman's face, a face as round as the dumplings she'd bought. 
Her simply mentioning Gon's face caused me to instinctively glance his way. 
There should've been no way for her to glean this from the way I phrased my question, and yet, she had done it anyway. 
It was almost as if she saw right through me. I couldn't help but feel ashamed. 
Completely ignorant of the turmoil raging within my head, my sister went ahead and asked the following with great interest: 
"You have a phone, Granny?" 
"I do. A smartphone at that." 
Giggling to herself, she pulled the device from her pocket and held it out in front of her. 
"Wow. Must be nice." 
"Let's exchange phone numbers once your parents buy you one, alright?" 
"Yeah!" the girl nodded in response. She seemed to be all for it. 
"Same for you, Hougetsu. Let's exchange numbers later on." 
She followed this statement by giving me a thumbs up. Simply looking at her I could feel my shoulders relax as all tension left me. 
"Yeah. Let's do that." 
I was just the right amount of exhausted to forget about the fatigue the long walk had incurred on me. 
My grandmother put her phone back. She then picked up the controller and held it out to me. 
"Care to play with us, Hougetsu?" 
"Hmm? Sure. But, aren't there only two controllers?" 
"Don't worry about that. You see, I have a multitap." 
Cheerfully, the old woman pulled out a device used to connect multiple controllers at the same time from the shelf underneath the TV. Once she was done plugging everything in, my sister lifted herself up and grabbed the controller she'd left on the floor earlier. 
"You've really matured, huh?" I went ahead and praised her for hardly interrupting our conversation, earning myself a flash of her tongue. The girl had a tendency to oppose me at every opportunity, and in that aspect, she hadn't grown in the slightest. I was left to take my earlier comment back. 
In the next moment, the door leading to the bedroom opened. Out came Mom, rubbing her eyes and yawning in a really exaggerated manner. She walked over to us and sat down next to me. 
"Oh, you were sleeping?" 
"I was", Mom stated before turning her eyes away from me. As she did, I was given a good look at her messy, ruffled hair. She had a tendency to always get bed hair. I definitely remembered seeing her like this many times in the past. 
Now that I thought about it, the way she acted when she'd just woken up in general was quite similar to a certain someone I knew. 
"Oh, you're playing Bomberman? Alright. I'll join too." 
You could see the woman's eyes light up as she lifted her hand in the air, almost like formally announcing that she was participating. 
"Wish you would've said so sooner. Now I have to mess with the cables a second time", my grandmother complained. Despite this, she did quickly prepare a fourth controller. 
I could feel my heart beating faster as I compared her and Gon side to side. 
The beat was intense, like I was hoping for things to change somehow. I found myself tapping my fingers against my knees as if chasing after that sound. 
A whirlpool of emotion raged inside me. And yet, that was the extent of it; no matter where I looked, those unpleasant things that usually gave me trouble were nowhere to be seen. 
I wanted to lean on my side and remain immersed in that feeling forever. 


The next two days passed by much in the same way. 
Our yearly visit to see my grandparents came to an end, and so, we left their house behind. 
Though we'd walked in using the back door, on our way out, we specifically made sure to use the front one as was custom to us. 
"Grandad, Grandma. See you next year." 
"You could visit monthly too if you wanted", my grandmother stated, earning an agreeing nod from my grandfather standing next to her. 
"Pay me allowance and I might consider it." 
Whether Mom was serious or not, that didn't really matter as everyone simply laughed her comment off. 
I then turned towards a certain friend of mine, of who my grandmother had brought outside to see us off. 
"Gon", I called out his name. He lifted his head in response, and there, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his soft fur. 
His warmth was something I remembered distinctly. All in all, it just felt so real. 
"Gon..." 
My voice began to shiver slightly, and the rest of my sentence refused to come out. 
I wanted to say goodbye to him. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to do so. 
A hand was placed on top of my head. I could tell without looking that it belonged to my grandmother. 
"Don't worry. I'll make sure to take lots of pictures of him and send them to you." 
Her voice sounded as soft as ever. 
"Alright?" 
"Yeah..." 
Taking in her words, practically a command, I remained like that for a moment, my eyes cast down. 
Once I did finally get up, Mom gave my shoulder a light tap. 
"Didn't throw a tantrum this time. Good job." 
"Shut up." 
I firmly stomped out her unneeded comment. As I did, I noticed that my sister was staring at me, her eyes wide open. 
"Hmm? What are you talking about?" 
"It's nothing. Seriously." 
Though the girl did look like she wanted to ask more questions, for once in her life she found it in herself to stay silent. 
That was good. Sure, it had been years ago by this point, but I'd still rather not talk about what had happened back then. 
I shifted my attention back to Gon. It was difficult to resist the temptation to hug him again, but somehow, I was able to keep myself in check. 
We circled around the house and found ourselves in front of our car. As usual, I could see both of my grandparents standing by the back door. 
"Meaning, huh?" 
Once more, I waved goodbye to them before stepping inside the newly polished car. 
I'd barely sat down when the vehicle began moving. There, I surrendered my body to its soft oscillation. 
A strange feeling quite similar to satisfaction passed through me. 
My mind wandered to Gon. I thought about him, I thought about him deeply. 
I hadn't been able to say anything to him. And yet, that too was one way of showing how I felt. 
Just as there were clear cut answers, there were also those that were anything but. Moreover, they were equally valid. 
I felt futile, unable to express myself, but at the same time, wanted to press my body against his. 
That was the nature of the emotions which raged inside me. 
All in all, the whole situation was quite well reflected in what I did after arriving home and stepping out of the car. 
I faced the road, took a deep breath, and then yelled. Yelled as hard as I could, squeezing out every last bit of strength in my body. 
"UOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" 
I didn't stop until my head began to feel dizzy from lack of oxygen. 
By the end of it, I was left with a hoarse throat and a horrible ringing in my ears. The sweat I'd been building up all came out at once, causing me to feel like I was being bathed in boiling water. However, at the same time, my eyes were wide awake. It felt like my own personal sun had been created deep inside them. 
Its brilliance lit up my mind. 
Ignoring for a moment my family members who I could only assume were staring at me extremely confused, I pulled out my phone. 
No sooner had I selected the number and hit the call button than she picked up. The image that came to my mind was that of Gon as he ran up to meet me. 
So, that was the reason, huh? I couldn't help but laugh a little. 
In a voice that conjured the image of old, clunky rocks piled together, I went ahead and greeted her. 


"Hello, Adachi. I'm back home." 
 





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