Amagi Brilliant Park - Volume 3 - Chapter 4

Not Enough Attendance Days! 

“I really am worried about you, Kanie-kun,” Seiya’s homeroom teacher, Ms. Konoike, said to him in the south building’s guidance office. “You’ve only been at school for ten days in April. That’s about half absences, you know? I know you’ve been sick and you’ve had family problems, but enough is enough. You don’t seem to be fitting in with the rest of the class, and on top of that, your grades are sliding. Will you please tell me the real reason for your absences?” 
Internally, Kanie Seiya was annoyed. He’d been struggling with the lousy amusement park he’d been put in charge of, trying to find ways to boost attendance. He had things to do, dammit, and he resented having to waste his time sitting here, dealing with some mediocre teacher’s self-satisfying show of concern. 
Normally he would have loved to tell her off. What the hell do you care? he’d say. The things I’m dealing with would make a pathetic public servant like you piss her pants and cry. The fates of hundreds are riding on my decisions! If you want to play ‘concerned mommy,’ do it on your own time! Idiot! 
Ah, I want to say it. I really, really want to say it. But for all of his faults, Seiya had more sense than to talk to his teachers that way. 
“...I’m sorry, Sensei,” Seiya said, swallowing his annoyance. “But it’s not like I’ve been lying. I have been going through a difficult time, mentally and physically...” He let out a long sigh. 
Ah, well done. A perfect performance, he told himself. Not too strong, not too soft; just the right balance. Now instead of jabbering on, this stupid woman will feel pity for my amazing, handsome self and say, “I see... I’m sorry.” 
This, in fact, was what Ms. Konoike said. “I see... I’m sorry, Kanie-kun.” 
“It’s all right...” he trailed off, while thinking: Great. That’s right, you backwater desk jockey. Now get your nose out of my business. 
But she wasn’t quite done yet. “...But you need to do something about your attendance, at least. You’ll get held back if you don’t, okay?” 
“Please...” he implored, “isn’t there something you can do?” 
“I’m afraid not,” Ms. Konoike said firmly. 
“......” He didn’t know what to say. 
“You need to come to class,” she continued. “Understand?”

“Welcome back, Kanie-kun.” As he left the guidance room, Seiya was greeted by his secretary and fellow student Sento Isuzu, who had been waiting for him in the hallway. “I have your evening’s schedule for you. You have an advertising meeting starting at 5:00. At 6:00, you’ll watch rehearsals. You also need to reply to your emails before 6:00, so you’ll need to find time for that somewhere between now and then. You have a meeting with the show director at 6:30, and then, starting at 7:00...” 
“Enough. I’m already this close to killing myself,” Seiya said, waving his hand in annoyance. 
“I’m afraid there’s no room in the schedule for that,” Isuzu said, businesslike to the end. He wished she could indulge him just once, but ah, well... That was just the kind of person she was. 
“Anyway, we should head to the park. I’ll explain the details in the car.” Isuzu took Seiya’s hand and began striding towards the entrance. Seiya shook off her hand roughly. He knew the other students would start annoying rumors about them if they saw them like this. 
While keeping up his jog, he cast a glance at Isuzu. She didn’t look particularly hurt. “I just don’t get it...” he grumbled. 
“Don’t get what?” she asked. 
“Never mind,” he told her shortly. “Let’s go.”

They ran out the front door, then back behind the school where the park’s company car was waiting. Isuzu had arranged it in advance to save them a little bit of time. Lately, in addition to his usual bike commute, Seiya had been taking the company car to work more often. 
The company car: if it were an expensive sedan like a Benz, it might have been a welcome sight. Unfortunately, it was a Daihatsu K-car, driven by their head of PR and all-around odd-jobber, Tricen. He was a terrible driver, heavy-handed with the brakes and the gas in a way that made Seiya carsick. 
Back when he was a child actor, Seiya frequently traveled around the city in a Benz or a Lexus... But ah, well. If it meant that he didn’t have to sit next to his mother, it was an improvement. 
“So? What did the teacher have to say?” Isuzu asked once the car was in motion, and after she’d finished explaining his schedule. 
“Just what I thought,” he told her. “She got on my case about my attendance.” 
“...It’s true that if you continue to take absences at your current rate, you may be locked in to repeating the year before the first term is over,” Isuzu said, as she checked the schedule table on her smartphone. 
“She mentioned that, too,” he admitted. 
“If such a result is already assured, it might be preferable for you to take a proper furlough,” she advised. “You could devote yourself to office work as early as tomorrow.” 
“That’s a pretty heartless thing to say...” Seiya mused. But at the same time, he quickly realized he wasn’t actually angry about it. Maybe Isuzu was right. 
He didn’t especially enjoy going to school. He had no friends there; breaks between classes were excruciating; his classes weren’t interesting at all. 
“But,” he concluded, “I don’t want to take a furlough.” 
“Why not?” 
“Because it means I’d have to go back eventually.” 
“I see,” said Isuzu. 
If he took a furlough, he’d end up never wanting to come back. Most people would rebel at the idea of having to take classes with people a year younger than them at a school they had no real attachment to. 
“What if I just quit entirely? Then, once things at the park are straightened out, I could take the high school equivalency test. I’m certainly smart enough to pass it.” 
“A common path for those who find high school life unsatisfying,” Isuzu commented. “But isn’t the equivalency test rather difficult?” 
“Easier than drawing three million people to a crappy amusement park.” 
“......” Isuzu fell silent. Seiya had meant it as a joke, but it may have sounded to her like a recrimination—like he was accusing them of ruining his life. 
“Ah... this humble Tricen finds that idea a bit extreme...” the driver Tricen said, speaking up for the first time. “Quitting school, that is. We could never ask you to take so drastic an action.” 
Oh-ho? Seiya thought. Is this a way of covering for my misstep? Not bad at all, Tricen. 
“We know very well that we cannot afford to rely on you indefinitely. We are working as hard as we can. Ah, yes. I, the humble Tricen, shall work my own fingers to the bone to ensure that you can enjoy a comfortable school life, if you will only be patient for now...” 
Ah, never mind. 
At first, Seiya thought about not saying anything—maybe this was just the mascot’s way of expressing friendship. But then, this wasn’t really acceptable behavior from his head of PR, so he decided to speak up after all. “Um... look, this isn’t really a problem that can be solved with ‘I’ll do my best’ kind of talk, Tricen. Did you really think I was going to light up and say, ‘Gosh, thanks, I’m counting on you!’? Do you think your fantasy of ‘working my fingers to the bone’ is going to accomplish anything?” 
“Oh, well, I—” 
“It won’t, idiot!” Seiya fumed. “You’ll ‘work your fingers to the bone’ in stupid ways that will literally grind the park down! There’s nothing worse than a diligent fool. If you want to break your fingers that badly, go put them in a vise!” 
“Hmm. What a cruel thing to say. I, the humble Tricen, am in no way diligent... I am simply a fool, so there is no need for concern.” 
“That just makes it worse! ...Ah, forget it. Just keep your eyes on the road, you weird reptile!” 
“Hmm. Weird reptile, you say? I’ll have you know that I am a dinosaur, which, according to recent studies, are more closely related to birds.” 
“I get it, just dri—Did you just cross on a red?!” 
The company car plowed through a rather large intersection, ignoring the signal. Tricen had nearly caused a major accident. “Hmm? Oh, forgive me... I hunch over in shame for my inattention...” 
Seiya was starting to think seriously about getting his motorcycle license. Stashing a motorcycle near the school and commuting that way would be safer than being driven around like this. 
“But if you truly are thinking about quitting school,” Tricen said, after an all-too-brief window of focusing on his driving, “I would advise you to consult with Latifah-sama first. After all, she is the park’s chief executive. Surely you would not make future plans without consulting your employer first.” 
“Why are you telling me things that are obvious?” But he understood what he was getting at. 
“I agree,” Isuzu chimed in. “I’m sorry that we’ve forced you into such a difficult decision, but you really should speak with the princess first.”

“I will not allow it!” Latifah, chief executive of AmaBri, shouted defiantly from the rooftop of Maple Castle. 
Her usually kind, reassuring air was nowhere to be found. Her voice was blunt and harsh. If she hadn’t been blind, she almost surely would have had her eyes locked furiously on Seiya. 
It was around midnight. It had been an eventful day, and he had visited her just before she retired. Still, her response had been swift and unflinching. 
Incidentally, Seiya was alone with Latifah here; Isuzu had demurred. Latifah had no need to call on her full gravitas as the princess of Maple Land here, but still, her bearing was formidable. It appeared that this was a matter she would not compromise on. 
“Although I do not remember choosing you with my revelation, the moment I learned that I had, I swore that I would never ask you for any unreasonable sacrifices—that I would rather see the park die than to destroy your way of life. Why do you think that is?” 
“Oh... well... I don’t really know...” Seiya stammered out. For some reason, he could never be his usual cocksure self in front of her. 
“Because if we were to destroy a life through our own incompetence, then we would lose all right to gather up dreams. Our happiness must not be built on the unhappiness of another. That... that is one principle on which I shall not waver. Therefore... if staying with us means that you must quit school, then I would sooner remove you from your position here.” Her voice broke. “Of course, that is not what I want. I depend upon you greatly. But, but...” She was on the verge of tears. “Such things are not worth... ruining your life...” 
“Okay, I get it. Calm down already,” Seiya patted her shoulders soothingly. He’d normally just use a gesture, but unfortunately, she couldn’t see his body language—This inevitably put them physically closer together. “I wouldn’t exactly call this ‘ruining my life.’ It’s just high school. It’s not the end of the world.” 
“But Kanie-sama, I... I...” 
“Things aren’t at that point yet. I just wanted to get your advice.” 
“But... but...” 
“So don’t get too worked up,” he advised her. “It was an option I was considering, and I wanted to know what you think. That’s all.” 
Latifah put a soft hand on his chest and whispered, as downcast as could be: “...You will not quit?” 
“No. I won’t quit.” 
“Really?” she pressed. “You truly will not?” 
“I said I wouldn’t. Quit worrying.” He felt a sudden urge to squeeze her hands. Her fingers were smooth and delicate. If someone with fingers like these was truly wishing for his happiness, then that was something he needed to respect. His happiness was in no way connected to high school, of course... but still, he didn’t want to give her any reason to worry about him. 
“...Very well,” Latifah said, finally seeming reassured. “Forgive me. It seems that even my concern is a burden to you.” 
“Hmph. The burden is within tolerable levels.” 
“Thank you very much.” She smiled a bit sadly. “It is because of moments like these that I find you so wonderful, Kanie-sama.” 
“...Oh, come on. Don’t tease me.” 
“I am not teasing you. I am merely stating what I feel. Kanie-sama, you are wonderful.” 
“Stop it.” He had tried to sound irritated, but his performance had probably failed, because Latifah giggled and showed no sign of being hurt. “I should be going,” he sighed. “I have lots of things to do tomorrow.” 
“Very well,” Latifah agreed. 
Suddenly feeling restless, Seiya beat a swift retreat from the rooftop garden.

The next day— 
“Kanie-kun! Rejoice! We’ve solved your attendance problem, ron!” He was in his office staring at his laptop when Macaron burst in unannounced. Macaron was a woolly sheep-like mascot, a once-divorced Fairy of Music. For some reason, he was carrying a Tsugaru-shamisen. 
“Knock, would you?” Seiya asked. “…And where’s my secretary? Why’d she let you through?” 
“Isuzu-chan is helping with the morning garbage run, ron.” 
That’s not a secretary’s job. What the hell is she thinking? Out loud, Seiya asked: “So, what do you want?” 
“I’m telling you, we’ve solved your problem, ron! You need more attendance days, right?” 
“Well, yes...” The truth was, Seiya was taking off from school again, the very day after Ms. Konoike scolded him for it. She was probably feeling very disappointed in him right about now. 
“Hence the good news! Watch this, ron!” 
Isuzu entered the room behind Macaron. She was dressed in her usual park uniform, but there was something strange about her expression. She was smiling brightly. 
“...I thought you went to the garbage dump,” Seiya said suspiciously. 
“I just returned,” Isuzu responded. 
“......Ah-hah.” 
“What do you think, Kanie-kun?” she asked. “Don’t I look wonderful?” 
“...What are you talking about?” 
“Now, don’t you worry your little head about it. Well, Kanie-kun? I’m Isuzu-sa~~n in every way, aren’t I? I’m your secretary, we go to the same school, and you’d know me anywhere, right?” 
“...?” Well, it was spring; he’d heard a lot of people went loopy in spring. Even so, that didn’t explain the extent of Isuzu’s bizarre behavior. 
“He’s freaking out, ron.” 
“He really is.” 
Isuzu and Macaron snickered to each other. 
“Now, Kanie-kun...” She wiggled her hips as she walked up to Seiya. She unbuttoned her suit jacket and pressed her ample chest against him. 
“H-Hey... Mmgh...” 
“I can’t bear being only your secretary anymore,” she simpered. “If things get too hard, you’ll let me know, won’t you? I’ll just do anything to help... Because I... I...” Isuzu leaned closer, cheeks flushed. Her breath was hot. Her eyes were dewy. What the hell was going on?! 

“W-Wait,” Seiya said, drawing back. “Sento. You know I’m busy now, right? I don’t understand why you’re helping Macaron tease me... you’re not usually this frivolous...” 
“Don’t worry about Macaron,” she told him. “Focus on me right now, Kanie-kun.” 
“Get a grip, Sento!” 
“I’m just as embarrassed as you are, you know. Don’t run anymore, Kanie-kun...” Isuzu’s lips drew nearer. 
“H-Hey...” 
“Did you think I was Isuzu-chan? Too bad! It was mii!” Isuzu shouted suddenly as she threw off her clothes. Actually, it wasn’t her clothes—she threw off her entire self. There was a strange “zwiiiip” sound, and in a flash, the one standing in front of him had become Tiramii. 
“What?!” 
“Gwa... Gwahahahahaha!” Tiramii and Macaron both burst out laughing. They held their stomachs and pounded on the desk, waving around the “empty shell” of Isuzu. 
“What? Wh-What the...” Seiya was dumbfounded. 
Tiramii snickered, then offered him the shriveled shell. “It’s a Gulley Suit, mii!” 
“...What the heck is that?” 
“What do you think?” the mascot cackled. “It’s a magic item that lets you look like someone else, ron. You saw them at my attraction earlier, remember? The Mogute Clan wore them to become those burly street dudes.” 
“Ahh...” That was right. He had seen it in the upgrade to Macaron’s Music Theater. Those tiny Mogutes had been wearing body suits that turned them into macho men. 
“It’s a type of costume, mii. They let you disguise as anything, unbound by the physique of the person inside!” 
“It used to be that you couldn’t mimic specific individuals, ron. But the Mogute Clan altered the technology to integrate 3D model data. Now you can look exactly like someone else!” 
The Mogutes again, eh? They were quite a skilled bunch. Seiya’s choice to hire them was paying off even more than expected. 
“But it takes a lot of pricey rare earths, so they can’t mass produce them, mii.” 
“This Isuzu-chan suit was a prototype. We used Tiramii’s massive photo gallery to make it, ron. Unfortunately, it only mirrors the parts seen in the photos, so we didn’t have a model for her bare boobs...” 
“I just used my imagination to fill in the blanks, mii. I made them just the size I like, too. See?” 
“They’re too big, ron. And they’re weirdly shiny, too. Who do you think you are, Shirow Masamune?” 
“But the color...” 
“Yeah. We’re agreed on the color, ron.” 
Restraining a headache—and more or less having caught up to speed—Seiya spoke up. “Um, so... what does this magical suit have to do with getting my attendance up?” 
“We have enough material to make about one more prototype, ron. And if we use it to make a Kanie-kun costume...!” 
“Ahh...” 
“It’ll be the perfect stand-in! Then we just need to get cast members with nothing better to do to attend class disguised as you, mii!” 
“Hmm...” Yes, Seiya thought, I get the drift of what they’re saying. But at the moment, the greater issue was the real Sento Isuzu, who was standing behind them with her musket drawn. Ah, she’s mad. Her expression is blank, but I can see the aura of rage around her. Don’t blame me. I’m a victim in all of this. 
Finally realizing where Seiya was looking, Macaron and Tiramii turned around. When they saw Isuzu there, they whispered “Oh...” in perfect unison. 
“I-Isuzu-chan... how long have you been there, mii?” 
“From the part where you used those disgraceful lines to attempt to seduce Kanie-kun.” 
“Th-That was pretty far back, mii...” 
“Th-That’s a long time to be eavesdropping. Not polite, ron...” 
Isuzu snatched away the deflated costume. She then glanced at the chest area, and in a barely audible whisper said, “They’re not that big...” 
“H-How’s the color?” Tiramii asked. It was a bold question. 
“Shut up,” she snarled. “Anyway, it’s time that I killed you. Ready?” 
“...B-Bring it on!” The two mascots faced their deaths resolutely—probably because they knew that running away tended to result in far more tragic outcomes.

Isuzu left the two dead mascots in the infirmary, shut away the costume of herself somewhere or other, then returned to Seiya’s office. Moffle, having overheard the commotion, had come with her. 
“...Well, it’s not the worst plan I’ve ever heard, fumo,” said Moffle, folding his arms after hearing the circumstances. “Loath as I am to admit it, the park needs Seiya, but at the same time, he does have to go to school, fumo. And seeing as he doesn’t have any friends, it’d probably be easy for a substitute to get through the day if they kept their head down.” 
“Hey!” Seiya objected. “I... I have friends...” 
“No, you don’t. Not one,” Isuzu intoned, mercilessly. 
“Ugh...” 
“Then that’s fine, fumo. I think Macaron and Tiramii’s plan is worth a try, myself. What do you think, fumo?” 
“I agree,” Isuzu said, grudgingly. “It’s the best idea we have at the moment. Even if it’s not possible to get a stand-in for all of your days, if we can just get you as many as possible... I think it would work.” 
“Hmm...” Well, It was logical enough. It was true that, lately, he’d been talking to people even less frequently than before. If all they had to do was keep their head down and show up for classes, a stand-in could probably work. Pop quizzes might be a problem, but that was a risk worth taking—it wasn’t as if he was trying to get a college referral, so all he needed was enough credits to graduate. 
And either way, I’m incredibly smart. It’s trivial for me to keep up with school lessons. ......Although in reality, his grades in a number of his subjects had been slipping lately. It wasn’t unusual to see such “ex-prodigies”—students who were untouchable in middle school that abruptly started to struggle in high school classes. This was because high school material tended to require effort that basic intelligence couldn’t compensate for. Even so, he told himself, he could probably still handle it. 
“So, here’s the plan, fumo,” Moffle said. “If Seiya gives his permission, I’ll make up a shift chart with the available cast. That’s going to change our May schedule, so I’ll need your answer soon, fumo.” 
“Right,” Seiya decided. “Let’s give it a try, then.”

For the first day, Seiya’s stand-in was Isuzu. After all, she was already a student at Amagi High School, and she knew Seiya there. That made her a safe choice to test out the concept. 
Even so, Isuzu thought as she passed through the school gate that morning, It is a strange feeling... To go to school looking like Kanie-kun, whom I see every day... She stared at herself in the glass door of the entryway. Her reflection was clearly that of Kanie Seiya. 
The Gulley Suit that the Mogute clan had made the night before really was a perfect replica. It was a magic item, so it didn’t even matter that her height and physique were different from his; her sight line had even increased to match Seiya’s greater height. 
Ah, this isn’t good. I’m standing pigeon-toed. She tried standing with feet shoulder-width apart and parallel, but that wasn’t right, either. That wasn’t the kind of man he was; he was elegant, simultaneously manly and graceful... 
It’s difficult... Perhaps she had to fix her posture. Shoulders front, back straight. Always look down at others, like you’re better than they are... 
But that was only part of being Kanie Seiya; in truth, he could often be seen brooding over difficult questions, as well. Eyes downward, brows knitted, like you’re perpetually annoyed about something... Yes, that should do it... 
Even so, it seemed a bit off. This wasn’t quite how he appeared when she looked at him. He was a bit kinder, more gentle—no, perhaps she was overthinking it. Although I do think he acts a bit different when he’s talking to me... 
“Kanie-senpai?” A sudden voice from behind caused Isuzu to start. It was Chujo Shiina, the girl who had performed at the live show on the first day of Golden Week. She had done them a great service on that day, but since she was just a part-time worker, nobody had told her about the stand-in plan. 
“Oh... m-morning, Chujo-san.” Ah, she’d already messed up. 
“Wh-What?” 
“I mean, Chujo. Nice weather we’re having, isn’t it?” She tried to recover, but Shiina remained confused. 
“Um... it’s pretty cloudy, actually...” In fact, it was starting to drizzle. The weather was gross and overcast. 
“Well, never mind that,” Isuzu said. “What did you want?” 
“I saw you fidgeting around,” said Shiina, “so I got worried, that’s all. Are you okay?” 
“Of course I am. There is nothing at all—er, that is to say, I’m fine.” 
“Ahh.” 
Isuzu took a deep breath, then righted her posture in front of Shiina. “At any rate, look at me. What do you think?” 
“Huh? I don’t know what to say,” Shiina said. “You look like you, Kanie-senpai.” 
“I see. Good to hear it.” Satisfied, she cleared her throat. To be honest, speaking like Seiya made her feel a bit like a Takurazuka performer. It was unsettling, but she assured herself that it was the right thing to do. 
“I guess if anything, you seem to be in a pretty good mood,” Shiina was saying. 
“...Do I?” 
“Yes. Normally, you just ignore me.” 
“D-Do I?” 
“...You do. But, so, um... I-I’m happy that you... didn’t today.” Shiina stopped talking then, and ran quickly to her shoe cupboard. Was it just Isuzu’s imagination that her cheeks seemed a bit red? 
Kanie-kun. How do you usually interact with this girl? Shaking herself out of her stupor, Isuzu headed for her own class’s shoe cupboards. ...Rather, for Seiya’s class’s shoe cupboards. She opened the door marked “Kanie,” and... inside were Seiya’s slippers and an envelope. 
“......” Actually, to just call it an envelope wouldn’t be quite accurate; it was a pale pink and sealed with a blue heart-shaped sticker. 
Oh dear. She couldn’t let anyone else see this—it was like finding a bomb. Isuzu stuffed the letter into her bag, then headed for the classroom as if nothing had happened. She was trying so hard to act casual that she didn’t even think twice about putting on Seiya’s slippers.

It was a rather old-fashioned love letter:

I’ve loved you since first year. 
I don’t care what anyone says. I know you’re a good person. Even though we’re in different classes, I’m always watching you from afar. 
I can see the loneliness in your eyes sometimes. 
When I see it, I can’t help but stare. 
I feel like you’re always looking at something just over the horizon. 
You probably think this is stupid, but I’m actually very serious. 
I want to stand by your side and help you to achieve your goals. 
I’m sorry. I know this is strange. 
But if it’s all right with you, I want to tell you how I feel. 
I’ll be waiting for you behind the gym after class. 

As she read through the letter secretly in class, Isuzu thought: Behind the gym, in this day and age? Is this a trap by some 70s delinquent gang? 
Just what did this person hope to achieve by writing an anonymous letter? How did she expect it not to be ignored out of hand? The love letter was handwritten, clearly by a woman. Isuzu would have preferred it if it had been a prank, but the writing seemed unfortunately sincere. 
Still, this letter... She found it strangely annoying. The way the writer was acting as if she understood Kanie Seiya... The arrogance of it. The presumption. The sense of “I’m the only one who understands your true worth.” 
Of course, you had to have a certain amount of gall to ask a worthless man like Kanie-kun out on a date. The feeling of stumbling upon a rare and valuable curio in an old pawn shop was one Isuzu could understand... but it was the writer’s certainty that stuck in her craw. 
Liking him because he was “a good person?” This woman’s ideas about romance were far too simplistic. Not that this was a problem for teenagers, usually... but it nagged at her. Because it was all superficial, wasn’t it? He was a handsome man, and therefore, this girl had convinced herself that he was something he wasn’t. 
Well, you’ve missed the mark, Isuzu thought. That smug handsome face of Kanie-kun’s is the most hateful part of him. It isn’t where his true appeal lies. Of course, you couldn’t possibly understand—She caught herself, then. Ah, no, no. Why am I feeling such animosity towards this woman? I need to approach this with a neutral mindset. Now... what should I do? 
It would be simple enough to take a picture of the love letter, send it to Kanie Seiya, and wait for instruction. After all, she was his secretary, and that would fall under her duties to report, contact, and advise. Even so... 
Maybe she should wait to report to him after meeting the girl and ascertaining her intentions? Would bothering him with unnecessary trouble not be the true failure in her duty as secretary? Yes, she told herself, it absolutely would. At any rate, she decided, I won’t report it just yet. 

After class, she was met behind the gym by a very attractive girl. She was in second year, like Isuzu, with alluring eyes and hair that hung just past her shoulders, beautifully slender legs, and attractive curves. Isuzu didn’t know her name, but she had seen her in the halls several times before. 
“Ah... Kanie-kun,” the girl said hesitantly. “I’m Tsuchida Kanae from class one. I’m sorry for giving you that letter out of the blue like that. I’ve been worrying myself sick about it all day...” 
“Ah, it’s no issue,” Isuzu, dressed in her Seiya costume, responded noncommittally. She felt a bit guilty, but she reassured herself that she was just doing her job. 
“...I thought that maybe I should just forget the whole thing and run away,” Kanae confessed. “B-But I realized I couldn’t do that. It would be too irresponsible.” 
“I see...” Maybe she should pretend to be a bit more nervous? But she couldn’t do it. She felt utterly indifferent. It was taking everything she had to keep from saying “Oh, whatever.” 
Isuzu had once seen a segment on a variety show called Grilling Cheating Husbands! The Wives and the Mistresses Have it Out! The mistresses would try to turn the blame on the wives by saying things like “He’s lonely!” and the thing the wife always said in response was, “Oh, whatever.” 
Isuzu wanted to employ that same “Oh, whatever” right now. She was also feeling annoyed at Seiya, even though he had done nothing wrong. 
Attracting a woman like this... Kanie-kun, perhaps you should watch yourself more carefully? Isuzu thought critically. No, stop that, stop it... I am his secretary. I need to be cool, composed, and impartial. 
“And?” she asked the girl neutrally. 
“I’m sorry!” The girl, Tsuchida Kanae, bowed at a 90 degree angle. “I meant to put it into Kimura-kun’s cupboard in class five, but I accidentally slipped it into yours in class four... I really am sorry!” 

“Eh?” 
“So, um... that letter, it... it wasn’t meant for you. I really am... um... very sorry...” 
Isuzu just stood there for a moment, stunned, then finally straightened up. “Er... you mean to say that you didn’t come here to ask me out?” 
“That’s right. I’m v-very sorry...” Tsuchida Kanae looked up again, her eyes filled with tears. She was rather charming, Isuzu had to admit. She began to feel sorry for her. “Y-You’re mad, right? I figured you would be. I really... I really wanted to apologize...” 
“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” All of Isuzu’s anxieties washed away. She felt utterly cleansed. 
“Eh?” Tsuchida Kanae was bewildered. 
“Mistakes happen,” Isuzu clarified. “You sent the letter anonymously, so you could have just run away. It’s admirable that you came to apologize instead. I’m impressed.” She found herself speaking ‘Kanie Seiya’ with strange fluency, even though imitating him had felt strangely unsettling, previously. 
“Y-You forgive me?” 
“Of course I do,” Isuzu affirmed. “Tsuchida Kanae, you are an honest person.” 
“Ah...” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “Thank you so much! I... I... I was so afraid that you would yell at me... I’m... I’m glad I put the letter in the wrong box.” 
“...? Ahh. Well... it’s fine. Anyway... I hope things go well with the other man. I’ll be cheering for you, all right?” 
“Yes. No. Yes,” the girl fretted. “No. ...Oh, what should I do...?” 
“...?” Isuzu didn’t know what to say. Tsuchida Kanae’s behavior had taken an odd turn, and her choice of words was strange. 
The girl’s fear was gone, but now she seemed flushed—was it Isuzu’s imagination that her body language was a bit coquettish? “Are you all right?” 
“Ah, yes! I’m fine!” Kanae gushed. “Well... g-goodbye! See you later!” 
“Ah, sure.” 
Tsuchida Kanae bowed deeply and then ran off. Isuzu muttered to herself as she watched her run away. “...‘Later’?”

That night, Isuzu stopped by the park’s rooftop garden, where she found Latifah and Seiya talking with teacups in hand. The mood between them was a tranquil one. 
Seiya had emailed her earlier to tell her that thanks to her filling in, he’d been able to sleep until late morning for the first time in a long time. Normally he was busy even on weekends and holidays because of the park, so he hadn’t gotten a proper night’s sleep in a while. 
Perhaps because of that, there was none of the usual annoyance in his face. Or maybe he was always this way in front of Princess Latifah? 
“Oh, Isuzu-san.” Latifah had been giggling, but spoke up when she noticed Isuzu’s presence. She could tell people apart just from the sound of their feet on the flagstones. 
“Your Highness,” Isuzu greeted her. 
“Kanie-sama is such a very funny person. Listen to this... When he eats shortcake, he tries to keep the strawberry balanced on top for as long as he can!” 
She looked and saw Seiya shaving away at his shortcake, taking great pains to keep the large strawberry on top from falling. It looked like a boulder balanced precariously on top of a spire. 
“Hmm...” he pondered. “Is it that strange?” 
“Oh, it is!” Latifah laughed. 
“Maybe it is.” His manner was rather playful; it was a side of him that Isuzu rarely saw. 
Isuzu spoke, trying to keep from sounding too depressed. “I am glad to hear it, Your Highness. ...Kanie-kun, a moment?” 
“If it’s about school, you can talk about it here,” he told her. “Have a cup of tea with us.” 
“Yes. I made some for you too, Isuzu-san.” Latifah smiled brightly as she poured the tea. 
“Right. In that case...” 
She sat down, took the cup of tea from Latifah, and then summarized the day’s events: the people she had talked to, the contents of her conversations, and various minor events she had made sure to commit to memory. She didn’t tell him about the love letter, though. It didn’t seem worth talking about... and besides, it was already dealt with. 
“Hmm. It sounds like things went smoothly,” Seiya said, sounding satisfied. “I have to say, since it was a Macaron/Tiramii idea, I’d been keeping expectations low... But it sounds like this might really work.” 
“Yes,” Isuzu affirmed. “Your complete lack of friends will be our saving grace.” 
“Grr...” 
Latifah quickly interrupted. “I-It does sound as though it might work! Of course, it would be preferable if you could attend school yourself, but...” 
“There’s no need to worry, Your Highness,” Isuzu said reassuringly. “His presence at school could not be more insignificant.” 
“Quit sniping at me!” Seiya snapped. 
“Indeed, Isuzu-san, you should be more careful with your words,” Latifah rebuked her gently. “You should perhaps rephrase it as ‘Nobody will care if Kanie-sama is not in school.’” 
“That’s not actually any better...” His objection to Latifah was much more gentle. 
Isuzu found it a bit unfair, but she changed the subject without showing her resentment. “...Macaron will be your stand-in tomorrow, so I’ll make my report to him now. Excuse me.”

“High school, eh? That takes me back, ron,” Macaron whispered, gazing into the distance. Isuzu had just given him her report about serving as Seiya’s stand-in. “I got up to so much dumb stuff back then, ron. You know Lubba-Dubba Melody High School in Maple Land? That low-class school for losers?” 
“I believe I’ve heard of it,” she responded politely. “It has frequent problems with violence, doesn’t it?” Isuzu knew Lubba-Dubba Melody High because it had been the next district over from her own school, the Royal Guard Cadet Corps. She’d heard things had calmed down there recently (relatively speaking) but back in the day it had, apparently, been quite a hellscape. 
LubDub High, a school full of roughnecks all waiting for their next brawl... It was infamous enough that there was a delinquent manga based off of it—it was called Roar, LubDub High! and it was popular all throughout Maple Land. 
“I went there, ron. Well, got expelled from it, actually...” 
“...I see.” 
“I sort of picked a fight with another school,” he explained. “Look, I’d tried to keep things from getting to that point, but they kept going after my underclassmen... even sent one to the hospital. As the head of the crew, they didn’t leave me much choice. I found me a steel pipe and went off to dish out some punishment. But I was by myself, so things got pretty hairy, ron.” 
“Ahh...” 
“By the end, a few of my pals showed up and had my back, so we managed to do what we needed to... but the school found out and I got expelled. On my last day, all the guys came out to see me off, in tears. They were stupid as hell, but they were good guys at heart, ron. I wonder what they’re up to now...” 
An old man’s stories about “my wild past.” There was no more annoying subject for a young woman to listen to. While Isuzu’s eyes glazed over, Macaron told a few more war stories. 
“Anyway, I think it’s good to let a little of the wicked out during your youth, ron. Though I guess you wouldn’t understand that, eh, Isuzu-chan?” 
“I am incapable of caring less,” she responded. 
“I see.” Macaron shrugged, not looking particularly hurt. “After my expulsion, I didn’t have much choice but to join the army, ron. Now, boot camp came with its own set of experiences. There was this one time when...” 
“Enough. Just try not to cause any problems tomorrow,” Isuzu cut him off, then began preparing to head home.

The next morning, Macaron put on the Gulley Body Suit (Upgraded) to take Kanie’s appearance, then headed for Amagi High school. It was a weekday and, as it happened, there weren’t any large groups coming in that week. That meant business at Macaron’s attraction would be slow enough that another cast member could put on a costume and fill in for him. 
It’s just an ordinary high school in the mortal world, he told himself. No delinquent eat-or-be-eaten here. He could probably just keep his head down and relax the day away. 
Macaron arrived at school a little early. Then after ditching his bag in the classroom, he went out into the halls, hoping to get a smoke in before class started. He pulled a Marlboro from his pocket and wandered around, looking for a smoking area. The students he passed shot him icy glances. 
He tried addressing a random boy. “Hey. Where’s the smoking area?” 
“Um, we’re in school... and you’re too young to smoke... Look, just leave me out of it, okay?” the boy said, before rushing away. 
“Ah, right. Damn, ron...” He pocketed the cigarette and scratched the back of his head. That’s right, this was high school. Of course there were no smoking areas. 
We could smoke in the classroom when I was in high school, of course. Everyone smoked, and the wage slave teachers looked the other way, he recalled nostalgically. Ah, I remember the windows, sticky with tar... 
Still, this was a serious problem. Would he have to go a whole day without smoking? That wasn’t going to be easy. 
While he weighed his options, class ended up starting. First period was math. It was a subject he had no interest in, so he spent half of the class flipping through a book of pachinko strategies, and the other half napping. The teacher caught him, warned him, then told him to solve a problem on the blackboard. In response, he just said, “Can’t” and went back to sleep. The teacher and the students all seemed stunned by his behavior, but as far as Macaron knew, he wasn’t doing anything strange. He was keeping his head down, just like he promised. So with a passing thought about how strange they all were, he just let it go.

They reached the short break period between classes. By this point, he was really craving a smoke, but there was nothing he could do. He endured it and spent the next few periods the same way as before. 
So tired, ron... This was boring. So boring. Had classes always been this boring? How could people spend every day in a place like this?

In the middle of fourth period English—he was finding ways to kill time with this and that, when his smartphone suddenly rang. He’d forgotten to put it into airplane mode, which meant the class was suddenly interrupted by some angry 50 Cent rap—a song with lots of “fucks” and “bitches.” The English teacher stared at him, eyes wide, and though he seemed to recognize the words, he chose not to comment. 
Macaron checked and saw that it was an email from his ex-wife, urging him to pay his child support and discussing his request to meet his daughter. “Puff,” he cursed under his breath. Why did she have to get on his case, just because the deposit was a little late? He’d been working so hard to get it paid these last two months, too... Darn it. 
“Um, Kanie-kun?” the English teacher ventured tentatively. “Please don’t check email during class...” 
“Piss off.” Macaron was so annoyed about the email from his ex, on top of already not getting to smoke, that he spoke without thinking. 
“Er... what? Kanie-kun, you can’t talk that way to a teacher...” 
“Just piss off, ron. I’ve got things to do. So get back to your drone work and stop bugging me.” Crap. I added a copula... slipping into the accent of my homeland, Macaronia. Well, that’s okay. Just roll with it. 
The teacher was flabbergasted. He was acting like he couldn’t believe what he had heard. 
That’s the kindest response I could give him, and it’s freaking him out? Does this guy ever deal with anything but honor students? Even so, this was high school, Macaron thought. He should probably interact with the teacher a little more like a student himself. So he stood up, hands crammed into his pockets, and walked up to the lectern. 
“Wh-What is it?” the teacher stammered. “Are you going to hit me?!” 
“Yeah, sorry about that, Teach,” Macaron apologized. “Look, I feel like crap. Mind if I see the nurse?”

Why? He was just acting like a high school student. How had he ended up in the student guidance room, getting a lecture from a crabby gym teacher? It made no sense. 
He had been leaving the classroom to find a place where he could smoke while composing his reply to the email, when the gym teacher had dashed out and grabbed him. He knew it would trash Seiya’s reputation if he started a fight, so he went along peacefully. Once in the guidance room, he just said “Yeah...” and “No...” and “Not really...” and other things a real high school student would say. 
Once it was over, the gym teacher said: “...Well, you don’t usually cause any trouble. Just be careful in the future, okay?” 
“Yo.” After offering another high school-appropriate reply, Macaron was released from the guidance room. It was then that he realized it was probably less important to act “like a high school student,” and more important to act like Kanie Seiya. That’s right. Seiya wasn’t the kind of person who said “Yo.” Hmm. I’ll need to rethink all of this, ron. 
It was the middle of fourth period when he’d been accosted, so they were about halfway through lunch break by now. I’m hungry, but I really need that cigarette first. I’m hitting a wall, Macaron thought. I’ll die if I don’t get my fix. 
He made it to the fire stairs behind the school, where luckily nobody was around. He squatted behind them and lit a Marlboro, then took in a long breath of that succulent smoke. 
At last, he could think clearly again. 
It was just then that a girl with a packed lunch walked by. It was Chujo Shiina, a part-time worker at the park. She had worked at Macaron’s attraction for a time, though right now she was Moffle’s assistant, as well as a singer. 
When she saw Macaron (Seiya) squatting on the ground smoking a cigarette, her jaw dropped. “Uh... Um, S-Senpai?” 
“’sup, Shiina-chan?” Macaron said. 
“Huh? Shiina-cha... huh? Wha?” 
“I forgot you went here too, ron. I tell you, there’s not a single damn place to get my nicotine fix...” He smiled at her, wryly, but Shiina didn’t return the gesture. She just took one step back, then another, looking like she’d seen some Lovecraftian horror. Macaron (still disguised as Seiya) offered her a cigarette. “Want one? I doubt the wage slaves’ll catch us here.” 
“N-No thank you! Excuse me!” Shiina ran away. 
It wasn’t exactly top secret as far as the cast were concerned, so he’d planned to reveal his identity to her over a smoke, but she didn’t even give him time to call her back. 
...I hope I won’t regret that. Ah well, ron. He smoked another cigarette, then stood up. Maybe I’ll skip fifth period, head down to the shopping district, eat some ramen and play some pachinko. 
He was just on his way to the bicycle lot when he heard voices from around the corner. “......?” 
It was a boy and a girl, and they sounded serious. They seemed to be fighting about something. Since he wasn’t in any particular hurry, Macaron decided to stop and listen in. 
“...What do you mean, a mistake?” the boy demanded to know. “You like me, right, Tsuchida-san?” 
“Well... I did,” the girl hedged, “but... now I don’t know anymore...” 
It sounded like the boy was angry at the girl. “You don’t know? This is crazy! You tried to give me a love letter yesterday, didn’t you?” 
“Well, yes, but... how do you know that, Kimura-kun?” she asked pointedly. 
“Huh? Well...” 
“Terano-san is the only person I told about that... I knew it was strange that you called me out here!” the girl fumed. “All I did yesterday was put a letter in the wrong shoe cupboard. I haven’t done anything to show that I liked you!” 
“Well... we were talking, and Terano asked me ‘How’d things go with Tsuchida-san?’” the boy explained defensively. “I didn’t understand, so I asked...” 
“Oh, for... Terano-san, you blabbermouth!” The girl let out a long sigh. 
“Anyway, I feel the same way,” the boy insisted. “So that’s that, right? Let’s date.” 
“Well, it’s just... after my mistake,” the girl said, “I’m not sure if I want to anymore...” 
“That’s nuts!” he exploded. “Did you change your mind or something?!” 
As he listened, Macaron tried to work out the situation in his mind. What a mess, ron. Let’s see... 
The girl, Tsuchida-san, had tried to give the boy, Kimura-kun, a love letter (how old-fashioned!) yesterday, but she’d accidentally given it to the wrong person. Then today, a mutual friend of theirs, Terano (he didn’t know their gender, but it sounded like a girl) asked Kimura-kun about the love letter, which Kimura-kun hadn’t actually gotten. Kimura-kun had probably liked Tsuchida-san for a long time, so he ended up getting ahead of himself and calling Tsuchida-san out to talk to him. But a woman’s heart was a fickle thing; Tsuchida-san had already lost interest, and now Kimura-kun was giving her the third degree. 
Does that about cover it, ron? Yeah, that should cover it. Mmm, good old teen angst. I’m jealous, ron. 
There had been hardly any girls at Lubba-Dubba Melody High (referred to locally as “LubDub Melo”), the school Macaron had attended, and “behind the school building” was a place delinquents hung out. So for him, stumbling upon something like this was a rare and precious find. 
“I’m sorry,” Tsuchida-san was saying. “It’s just, I started having second thoughts after yesterday...” 
“What the hell?!” Kimura-kun replied. “I’d go out with you in a heartbeat!” 
“But I can’t do that when I don’t really know how I feel...” Tsuchida-san trailed off. 
“Just because you gave the letter to the wrong person? That’s insane!” 
Kimura-kun’s voice was cracking. Macaron pitied him his misfortune of circumstance. He couldn’t stand watching the man spiral deeper into disgrace; as his senpai in life, he should offer him a helping hand. 
“Now, now. Let’s all take a deep breath and relax, ron.” Macaron spoke up, interrupting the seemingly circular argument. 
“What?!” Kimura-kun shouted. 
“K-Kanie-kun?!” Tsuchida-san shouted. 
They both seemed shocked. 
Oh, do they know me? Macaron (still dressed as Seiya) wondered. ...Also, my accent slipped out again. Well, that’s okay. Just roll with it. “Hey there, you two,” he said, “I overheard everything. It sounds like a real sad course of events.” 
He paced back and forth leisurely before the distraught pair. Yes, “distraught” was the word—they looked conflicted by his appearance in a way that “a third party interrupting our lovers’ quarrel” wouldn’t explain. Why? He had no idea. 
“You... You were eavesdropping? That’s horrible!” Kimura-kun said. 
“Oh, chill out. I just happened to be passing by, ron.” 
“R-Ron?” 
“Forget it. Let’s talk about you. You need to man up, kid,” Macaron advised. “In times like these, the more you push her, the more she’ll pull away. That’s lesson one.” 
“S-Stay out of this!” Kimura-kun told him. “How dare you come here and lecture me!” 
“It’s no lecture. It’s just advice, ron.” 
“Seriously, what’s with the ‘ron’?!” Kimura-kun demanded. 
“Just listen already!” Macaron seized Kimura-kun’s shoulder and drew him in conspiratorially. It was a rather coarse move. Up until then, Kimura-kun had been glaring at him like he might try to hit him. But he was acting cowed now, perhaps intimidated by Macaron’s delinquent body language. “All right, boy... let me tell you about girls. The more you chase them, the more they run, ron. You hear me? What you need is confidence. ‘Plenty of fish in the sea. If I can’t reel you in, I’ll go cast my line elsewhere.’ You know? That’s what you need to make her think, ron.” 
“Th-That does sound convincing, but... I don’t wanna hear it from you!” Kimura-kun told him. 
“Oh, don’t take it so personally. Everybody’s that way in the beginning. You just can’t stay that way, is all.” Turning now to Tsuchida-san, he continued, “Women who fall for desperate men are an invention of TV dramas. Isn’t that right, ron? My dear.” 
“Huh? Ah... yes. No. Um...” Tsuchida-san, who had been watching their discussion, sputtered hysterically in surprise. 
“Right? You see?” Macaron addressed Kimura-kun again. “...So anyway, you’re best off walking away until she calms down a little bit, ron.” 
“But... but...” 
“I know you’re nervous,” Macaron said in a kind tone. “You’re worried that while you’re gone, she’ll start making eyes at some other man, eh? But you’ll never get anywhere thinking that way, ron. You need to be firm. Now if you don’t have that confidence, there’s a way to get it, ron. Do you know what it is?” 
“N-No, I don’t!” Kimura-kun said angrily. “I’m not a damned model like you are!” 
Macaron squeezed Kimura-kun’s shoulders and lowered his voice to a whisper. “Hit up a whorehouse.” 
“Huh?” 
“Hit up a whorehouse. It’ll solve everything. The more expensive, the better,” Macaron specified. “Get yourself some experience with gorgeous babes who know the sour from the sweet. Then a little brat like her will stop feeling so special, and you can give it another go.” 
“What is this,” Kimura spluttered, “life advice from Kitakata Kenzo?!” 
“It’s just the facts, ron.” 
“I know... it makes sense, but... but I... I...!” 
“Don’t worry. I have a friend who knows all about that stuff,” Macaron said soothingly. “He’ll tell you where to go, ron. They have girls a lot like Tsuchida-san, too, you know? Give me your email address and I’ll send you the info later.” Of course, I’ve never actually been to a place like that myself, he thought. Well, Tricen will probably know something. He’s usually the person to ask in situations like these. 
“Huh, for real? I mean... but...” Kimura-kun trailed off. 
“Just do it already. So annoying, ron.” 
“Ah, right...” While they whispered, Kimura-kun had started typing his email address to Macaron—but then suddenly he realized what he was doing, and let out a shriek. “Wait, no!!!” 
“What’s the problem now, ron?!” 
“Enough! Why do I have to get a lecture from you?! You’re the one she accidentally gave the love letter to, right? You—Kanie Seiya! And now you want to advise us about the problem?! She’s always liked you, too! And you... your gentlemanly response to her has made this all really complicated!” 
His sudden, angry rant struck Macaron dumb for a second. “Er... Seiya... I mean, I did that?” 
“Yes,” Kimura-kun affirmed. 
“With her?” Macaron asked. 
“That’s right.” 
“Hrm... That wasn’t in the report, ron. Is this true?” he asked Tsuchida-san. She nodded firmly, her cheeks slightly pink. 
“I’m sorry... It’s not like I was trying to pit you two against each other,” she clarified, “but... you were so nice to me yesterday... I started wondering if maybe I really wanted something else...” 
“Wow,” Macaron observed. “We’ve got a real phore in our midst, ron.” 
“Er?” 
“Nothing,” Macaron said innocently. Incidentally, ‘phore’ was Maplese for a certain kind of woman. It certainly wasn’t a polite word—if you wanted to cuss someone out, you might say ‘Your mother’s a phore!’ It was a terrible insult. 
Anyway. 
Kimura-kun, his jealousy now inflamed, glared at Macaron. 
Tsuchida-san was staring at the ground, perhaps waiting for him to play the white knight. 
Having joined the conversation halfway through, it seemed that Macaron had missed some crucial information. At any rate, he could see now that his meddling had made the situation more complicated. “...Yeah. Well, you know. Despite how I might look, I, Kanie Seiya, am not much of a man. I’m always getting henpecked by a woman at work. I’m full of myself, strutting around like I own the place. I’m no good for dating, ron. So, like... I can’t recommend it, you know?” 
“What are you talking about?” Kimura-kun demanded to know. “This is all your fault!” 
“Hmm,” Macaron pondered. “‘All’ might be going a little far...” 
“Shut up! You knew that and you’re taunting me, right?! I’m going to give you a taste of all my sorrow, all my anger—right there in your damn front teeth!” Shedding tears of blood, Kimura-kun lashed out with a punch. He was an amateur, so it was blatantly telegraphed; Macaron saw it coming a mile away. But, he decided, he could be magnanimous and let him get some of his anger out. 
Come at me, boy, Macaron thought encouragingly. 
With a smack, Kimura-kun’s fist sank deep into Macaron (Seiya)’s face, but it certainly wasn’t enough to take Macaron down. He just stood, arms akimbo, smiling confidently. “Heh... not a bad punch, ron.” 
“...?!?” Kimura-kun was struck dumb. 
“But it lacked power. It was weak,” Macaron clarified. “You can’t beat a former LubDub Melo gang leader with a flimsy punch like that. Now... put your back into it! Plant your feet! Put all the power you have into your fists!” 
“Um... uh...” But Kimura-kun just stammered as he took a step backwards. He seemed to have lost his will to fight. Rather, his expression was... fear? Why? What was he suddenly afraid of? 
“...K-Kanie...” Kimura-kun stammered. “Your head... I mean, your neck...” 
“Hmm?” Now that he mentioned it, Macaron realized his line of sight was off, as if sloping roughly 70 degrees to the right. He checked out his reflection in a nearby window. Kanie Seiya’s (in other words, his) neck had snapped a good 70 degrees to the left. In Gunpla terms, it was like the poly-cap of the neck had slipped off the ball and gone hanging. It was rather grotesque. “Oh... that’s not good.” He’d forgotten he was in a costume. Even if it was a magical bodysuit, it still probably had impact limits. He’d need to be careful (...Though actually, he wondered, where was his own head right now?). He grabbed his (Kanie Seiya’s) head and used the reflection to set it back on straight. Fortunately, nothing seemed to be broken, so he was able to get it back to its original position. “Sorry, kid. Now, try that one more time, ron.” 
Kimura-kun did not try it one more time. He let out a shriek and took off like a shot. 
“...Figures,” Macaron whispered as he watched Kimura-kun disappear around the corner. Boy, he’d buggered this up. He should have let Kimura-kun’s punch send him flying, then said: “You’ve really got guts. Tsuchida-san, this man has a lot to recommend him.” 
“So, um... Tsuchida-san?” he haphazarded. 
“Y-Yes?!” Tsuchida-san had been standing still, quivering, but she snapped out of her trance and straightened up when addressed. “Um... are you all right? With your... neck...” 
“Oh, yeah. I have a special physique,” said Macaron dismissively. “It used to get me on ‘Believe it or Not’ type shows all the time... I’m fine. It’s really just a party trick.” 
“Oh, I... I see.” Tsuchida-san seemed to calm down. 
He couldn’t believe she had accepted that explanation; she seemed to be a little less than “all there.” 
“But, um... I’m sorry for getting you mixed up in this,” she apologized nervously. “You haven’t done anything wrong...” 
“Hey, no big deal. We all make mistakes, ron.” 
“But...” 
“But if I can give you a word of advice...” He pulled out a Marlboro and lit it with a snap of his 100 yen lighter. He must have made it look so natural that Tsuchida-san didn’t even try to scold him. “For things like this, ron, sometimes it pays to get a mediator involved. When you’ve just got the aggrieved shouting at each other, it’s always going to come down to emotional arguments. You’ll end up going around and around on problems when you could be solving them. So... Terano-san, was it? Get a third party to join you and talk it out at a cafe or something. Choosing a place with lots of people around will help you to stay calm.” 
“R-Right...” 
“No, I mean it,” said Macaron. “Before my ex and I divorced, we’d ask our best friend to join us, ron. ...Well, we weren’t able to reach a compromise over child custody, so we had to get lawyers involved, but still.” 
“What?” asked Tsuchida, obviously shocked. “Divorce? Child custody?” 
“Life’s complicated, ron. Forget I said that. ...Well, goodbye.” He rubbed out his cigarette in his pocket ash tray and turned to leave. 
“Um, Kanie-kun!” she called. 
Macaron stopped. “What?” 
“Th-This has been... alarming in a lot of ways, but... thank you. Because I really wasn’t sure... what to do before. Thank you very much.” Tsuchida-san bowed deeply in gratitude. 
Feeling a bit embarrassed, Macaron waved her away like he was swatting flies. “Stop that. You’ll devalue yourself, bowing like that.” 
“R-Right!” Tsuchida-san straightened up, her eyes shining like a maiden in love. 
Macaron quickly strode away, wondering if he had made a terrible mistake. Well, whatever, ron. It’s out of my hands after today... 

That night, in the park after closing— 
“And that’s all for your report?” Isuzu asked, standing in front of Macaron and Tiramii. Macaron had been that day’s fill-in, and Tiramii would be tomorrow’s, which was why they were both present. “You tried to go to the nurse’s office in fourth period and the gym teacher chewed you out in the guidance office. That’s the main point I’m concerned about, but you’re saying there weren’t any other problems?” 
“That’s what I’m saying, ron.” 
“Really?” she sounded doubtful. “That was really the only problem you had?” 
Macaron (back in his two-heads-tall form by now) gazed at Isuzu carefully. 
“...What?” she asked. 
“...Nothing,” Macaron said. “I had absolutely no problems regarding anything you told me in your report yesterday.” 
“......” She sensed a slight edge to his tone, but she didn’t feel like pursuing it. 
“Anyway, Tiramii. Good luck tomorrow, ron.” 
“Sure! Leave it to mii!” Tiramii said, patting his cute little pouch. 
His confidence, though, just made Isuzu nervous. “You appear to be looking forward to this,” she said. 
“Yeah. High school, huh... That really takes me back, mii,” Tiramii whispered, gazing into the distance. “You know Hoppy-Popple Garden High in Maple Land, mii? That’s my alma mater.” 
“Ohh? That’s a famous prep school, ron. I’m surprised you came out of such a reputable institution. ...Wait a minute. Wasn’t that place on the news because it burned down, ron?” 
Now that Macaron mentioned it, Isuzu had heard of that school too. “I was too young at the time to understand all the details, but I believe I recall hearing about it.” 
“Yeah,” Tiramii admitted, “that was mii.” 
“......” Isuzu didn’t know what to say. 
“See, growing pot was all the rage in the horticulture club back then, mii. But the teachers were about to sniff out our stash, so I rushed to burn it all behind the school building, mii. But the fire jumped to some nearby fertilizer... it really freaked everyone out! I mean, I was really, really sorry...” Tiramii reminisced, his already adorable eyes growing bigger and rounder than usual. 
“Not even I went that far, ron... And what kind of Fairy of Flowers grows pot?” 
“Pot’s not that big a deal, mii. I hear certain creators take frequent trips to the Netherlands to indulge, mii.” 
“Well, it’s legal to smoke it over there... but bear in mind that I’m still a member of the royal guard,” Isuzu whispered to herself as she listened to their conversation, eyes unfocused. The royal guard was part of Maple Land’s law enforcement body, which meant she had the authority to arrest criminals. 
“If you’re talking about the arson, the statute of limitations expired, mii. Plus nobody was injured, and it let them rebuild the old school that was falling apart, so all’s well that ends well, mii.” 
“Please do not burn down Kanie-kun’s school,” Isuzu requested. 
“Don’t worry, mii! I’ll have a totally normal, unremarkable day!” Tiramii declared, slapping his plush hand against his chest. 
“I hope this will be all right...” she muttered.

Despite Isuzu’s concerns, Tiramii was keeping a surprisingly low profile. He spent his time in class messing around on his smartphone, sending flirty texts to married women. Most of the women didn’t text back, sadly, but he was still having fun. 
Even Tiramii knew that Kanie Seiya was important to the park. He wouldn’t dream of using Seiya’s body to hit on girls at school. Well... Actually, he was kind of struggling not to. This was high school, after all. It was full of high school girls, and Tiramii liked his women anywhere from three to ninety-nine. 
Moffle had once called him the “Sexual Area 51,” a reference to the size of the field Ichiro used to play during his time with the Mariners in jersey 51. (Of course, that didn’t guarantee that anyone would send hits in his direction.) 
So about halfway through the school day, he’d started getting a little restless. 
“Mii... Mii... Mii...” he whispered. It was lunch break at the moment. He was in a corner of the courtyard, watching the girls come and go, moaning in his mind. 
She’s cute, mii. She’s got a nice ass, mii. So does she, and so does she! Maybe we could all engage in some ‘extracurricular activities’ together... Hmm. Puffin’ good in the neighborhood... 
Just then, his smartphone vibrated. It was an email from Isuzu. ?I expect you’re getting restless around now. I just want to remind you that if you cause any trouble (especially regarding women), I will kill you. Not just that; I will bring you back to life, then shoot you dead again. Over and over, repeatedly. \(^0^)/? As usual, Isuzu had attached a strange emoji to her text. Did she actually even know what those were for? Well, that aside... 
“Isuzu-chan... impressive, mii.” She really knew how his mind worked. While feeling a slight chill down his spine, Tiramii typed his response. ?It’s okay, mii. I’ll be good and warmed up by the time you come by, mii? 
Drat. The auto-correct had kicked in. He meant to send “I’ll be good all day, mii” but he had ended up sending “I’ll be good and warmed up by the time you come by, mii.” 
Isuzu’s reply came instantly. ?Is that supposed to be a joke? Or is it a threat?? 
No, that’s not right. That’s not what I—?I made a mistake, mii. Just relax and give my naughty tail a tickle.? Ahhh. Another unintended message. He had meant to type “Just relax and leave everything to mii,” but the auto-correct had terrible lag, which meant it didn’t change the words until just before he sent the message. Puff! 
Another reply from Isuzu. ?Even if you don’t cause trouble, I may have to shoot you dead anyway.(`;?;’)????? Ahhh. She really was mad. And what was with that emoji? 
Tiramii sent another email, desperately trying to correct the misunderstanding. ?I didn’t mean that! My smartphone’s auto-erotic asphyxiation is never off the table, mii.? No! Why did that happen when he tried to type “auto-correct”? ?Anyway, it’s a misunderstanding, mii. I’ll explain afterwards I’ll puff you on the table, too.? No! He was trying to type “I’ll explain after I get back, okay?” 
“Mii... mii! Oh, darn it. I just need to reboot the thing, mii...” he muttered to himself. He was about to hit the phone’s power button when he was interrupted by a voice from nearby. 
“Um, Kanie-kun?” 
“Mii?!” He shrieked as he jumped off the bench (looking like Seiya). 
The person addressing him was a girl he’d never seen before. She was a second year, but she wasn’t in Seiya’s class, at least. 
She was cute. Totally cute. From top to bottom... sizes 80-60-83 or so. Of course... all women are great, no matter what they look like, mii. 
“C-Can I help you?” he asked. Deciding he’d worry about his email problem later, he tried to focus on smoothing things over here. 
The girl seemed baffled by Tiramii(Seiya)’s odd behavior, but quickly snapped out of it and spoke again, hesitantly. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I’ve really been at my wits’ end... And... um, it might be a strange thing to ask, but I was hoping we could talk for a little bit...” 
“Ah, sure. I don’t mind if you don’t...” Tiramii said after clearing his throat. He felt like Seiya didn’t quite speak that way, but no need to sweat the details. Just roll with it, he thought. 
“Can we talk here?” she asked. 
“Sure, go right ahead.” Tiramii was sitting on a weatherworn bench next to a flowerbed in the courtyard. He slid over to make room, and the girl sat down right next to him. “Okay. You’re, um...” 
“Yes?” she asked. 
“Um, your name,” Tiramii bleated. “What was it again?” 
An expression of clear disappointment appeared on her face. “Tsuchida Kanae. Did you forget it already?” 
Hmm, maybe I was too blunt. Well, no helping it. You can still recover, mii. Stay positive! “Of course not. I could never forget you.” He leaned in close to her. His usual move was to say it teasingly with his cute Pomeranian face. But since he had Kanie Seiya’s face right now, he decided not to do that. Instead, he thought, he should say it more like a host club server. Yes. “I just like hearing you say your own name.” 
“Huh?” Tsuchida was perplexed. 
“Hey, say it one more time,” Tiramii coaxed. “What’s your name?” 
“Tsu... Tsuchida... Kanae,” she said, blushing. 
“Mm... it really is wonderful. The vowels. The consonants. I could listen to you say it all day.” He whispered it into her ear, and her cheeks turned red. 
“P-Please don’t tease me...” she requested. 
“Heh... I can’t help it,” Tiramii told her. “After all, you’re such a little cutie. How can I not tease and bully you?” 
“Um, um, um...” 
“There are so many people here. Shall we move somewhere else?” He put his arm smoothly around her shoulders. She twitched, then silently nodded. 
Yes! I don’t know what’s going on, exactly, but it looks like Kanie-kun is a man of sin too, mii. He’d said he didn’t have any friends, but I guess that bastard’s got them where it counts! So if I’m going to keep up my mission to do things like “normal Kanie-kun” would, I’ve got to satisfy this woman, mii! 
He took her hand and started to walk, but she still seemed a bit disoriented. 
“U-Um... where are we going?” she asked. 
“Heh heh... I told you, didn’t I?” Tiramii leered. “A place where we can have a little fun.” 
“Huh?! But... but...” 
“No need to fear. I’ll teach you everything you need to know, mii.” 
“M-Mii?” she questioned. 
“I said... I’ll teach you everything you need to know. Okay?” 
“U-Um... r-right...” 
Wow, she’s coming along! I didn’t peg her for such a phore, mii. I’ll really have to give her the works! But where was he going to take her? They were in high school, right? His immediate thoughts were the gym warehouse or the nurse’s office... But in real life, those places would probably be locked up tight. 
Hmm? Just then, he remembered the door to the roof. This school didn’t allow access to the roof, so they used the landing at the top of the staircase to store unused desks and chairs. Which meant people generally didn’t ever go there. I could probably get some puffin’ good private time with her there, mii... 
“Um... Kanie-kun... You...” 
“What?” 
“You seem kind of... different from yesterday. I...” 
“You’re nervous?” 
She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. 
Ah, of course. It was Macaron yesterday. Knowing that guy, he’d probably given her some nonsense lecture that reeked of old man. “That was me yesterday. This is me today. There’s nothing strange about it, mii.” 
“B-But you’re so... aggressive,” she protested. “It just doesn’t feel like you...” 
“Heh...” he breathed. “But don’t you want to know the real me?” 
“Um, ah...” 
“Don’t worry. Just come along. I’ll show you some great sights, mii.” He put his arm around her waist and massaged her lightly with his fingers. She trembled, and her expression melted. Whispering things like “You’re so cute” and “My little kitten,” Tiramii led her up the stairs. It’s so easy, mii! It’s never been this easy before! Appearances really are everything, huh? Maybe I’ll borrow this suit again, mii! 
Eventually they arrived on the landing just before the door to the roof (in practice, a store room). But there was already someone else there. “K-Kanie-senpai?” It was Chujo Shiina, who had been eating lunch by herself. She had started working part-time in the park in April. She was a shrimpy little thing who looked like she was in elementary school, but she was actually a first year here. She seemed shocked by the sight of Tiramii (Seiya) with a girl—and holding her so close, at that. 
“Hey, Shiina-chan,” Tiramii greeted her. 
“Y-You’re coming to school again today?” Shiina asked. “...And who is that girl?” 
“Hah. Don’t ask such insensitive questions, mii. We’re gonna have some fun here, so give us a little space, okay?” 
“K-Kanie-kun...” As she dithered, he breathed onto her ear. She looked like she might faint right there. 
“Ah...” Shiina didn’t know what to do. 
“You know, that kind of thing,” Tiramii purred. “It’s okay. I’ll make time for you later, Shiina-chan.” 
Shiina started trembling violently, then threw her lunch box at Tiramii (Seiya)’s face. 
“Mii?!” 
“So forward! I mean... so humiliating!” she shouted, then bolted down the stairs. Soon enough, Shiina was out of sight. 
Tiramii muttered while picking rice off his chest, “Mii... That was an unusual reaction. I figured she’d just say ‘um, sorry!’ and run off.” 
“Kanie-kun... who was that girl?” the girl with him asked. Her tone had changed; now it was neutral and chilly. 
“Hmm? Oh, never mind that. Right now, this world is for the two of us alone. We’re about to cross a lot of dangerous bridges, mii...” 
“You know, that ‘mii’ thing has been bothering me this whole time,” she said accusatorally. 
“Don’t sweat the copula! Now, are you ready? I’ve got a technique that will send you to heaven...” He tried to pull her tightly to him. But she remained immovable, and shoved aside Tiramii(Seiya)’s lips as they drew near. 
“Excuse me,” she said firmly. “This doesn’t make any sense. That first year... Shiina? Just what kind of relationship do you have with her?” 
“She’s just a co-worker,” Tiramii tried to explain. “Don’t worry about it.” 
“Don’t tell me not to worry about it! What’s going on here? She was mad at you, wasn’t she? Are you two-timing her? I don’t want to be a part of this!” 
“No, no! You’re the only girl for mii right now. C’mon, close your eyes. Do you see the ray of light in the darkness? That’s me. Relax, and I’ll handle everything...” 
“Huh? But...” 
Just then, he heard a buzzing sound. The smartphone in his pocket was vibrating. He took it out to glance at it, and the girl snatched it away. 
“Let me see that,” she demanded. 
“Ah.” 
Tiramii had his phone set to display the text of incoming emails. As a result, this was what the girl saw: ?Sento Isuzu: We’re going to have a nice, long talk tonight. Be ready. (*`?’*)? 
What’s with that emoji, mii?! 
“...What does she mean, ‘tonight’?” the girl asked suspiciously. 
“Mmm. She means I need to make my report for work...” 
“And Sento Isuzu? Isn’t that the girl they’ve been spreading rumors about with you? Are you with her as well as that Shiina girl?” 
“Hmm... That’s not really... look, it’s a complicated situation, mii.” Puff. Things are going south fast! 
“I think I had the wrong idea about you,” she concluded. “I thought you were a more honorable person than this...” 
“H-Honorable? Talk about getting the wrong idea, mii...” 
“But, Kanie-kun, I think you’re actually a playboy. And I’m not the kind of girl to mess around with someone like that.” 
“It’s not messing around! I’m serious about you, way serious! I’ll treasure you!” 
“Then tell me. What’s my name?” 
“Er.” After all that, she still remembered their initial interaction? Never let your guard down around women, mii! Let’s see, Tsu... da? It started with tsu, right? Or was it chi? And her first name... Hanae? Honae? There’s a ‘na’ in the middle, right? “O-Of course I remember, mii. Um... Tsu... Tsu...” 
“Tsu?” 
No, not tsu! Chi! “Chitsuda Kaname! That was it, right?” 
“...Tsuchida Kanae,” she corrected him coldly. “...Goodbye.” 
“W-Wait, mii! I can explain! Or maybe we’d communicate better in the language of love?” 
“Stop it!” she fumed. “You... you scum!” She shoved away Tiramii’s hand and flew down the stairs. 
Not even he knew how to stop her like this. He dropped to his knees and wept. “Urgh... How... how did this happen?!” 
That night, after the park closed... 
“Is that all for your report?” Isuzu asked. 
Two others were present: Tiramii, who had been the stand-in for today, and Moffle, who would be the stand-in for tomorrow. 
“Yeah... that about does it, mii,” Tiramii said, looking haggard. She had accepted his explanation about the unacceptable emails being caused by his phone’s auto-correct, but that apparently wasn’t the main thing wearing at him. 
“Then other than your problems emailing me, nothing in particular happened. Correct?” 
“Yeah... sure...” Tiramii was clearly being evasive, but Isuzu (having done questionable things herself) chose not to press him. 
“I’m glad to hear that,” she said. “Kanie-kun has recovered, thanks to the considerable rest he’s been getting these past few days. His mood has improved and he’s lashing out less. I would prefer to keep this up, if possible.” Seiya had been more diligent about his office work, and milder with his employees as well. His usual brooding atmosphere was gone, and he was enjoying his nightly conversations with Latifah. It was shocking how much a person could change when you relieved their stress and exhaustion. It was quite pleasing to see. 
“So, Lord Moffle, it will be your turn tomorrow,” Isuzu said. “Can you handle it?” 
“Leave it to me, fumo.” Moffle thumped his chest and gazed into the distance. “But... high school, eh? That takes me back, fumo... I came out of Fluffy-Wuffle Military High, myself.” 
Fluffy-Wuffle Military High was well-known in Maple Land; it was an elite school, run directly by the military. The Royal Guard Cadet Corps that Isuzu had attended was roughly equivalent to middle school in the mortal realm, so she had known of FluffWuff High as one of her options after graduation. Since her grades had been so excellent, though, she hadn’t had to attend FluffWuff High herself—she’d skipped ahead to the Royal Guard Officer’s School. 
“Those days were something, fumo. We all lived in the dorms, and the older students never let up on us. They got us up at 5:30 a.m., and if we didn’t make our beds just right, they’d beat us with their fists, fumo.” 
More high school reminiscences, Isuzu thought wearily. 
“Really, mii? The whole time I’ve been here, you never mentioned that, mii.” 
“You knew I was in the army, right, fumo? That’s where I met Macaron. I had my commission and he was an NCO, fumo. He was a sniper during Operation Sweet Storm who... ah, but never mind that. Well, it’s funny to think of Macaron calling me ‘sir’ back then. Certainly hard to imagine now, fumo.” 
Isuzu had never heard these stories before. She actually wanted to hear more, but Tiramii immediately switched back to high school talk. “Mii. You have any good times at that school?” 
“Oh, not at all. I mostly remember the suffering, fumo. Getting beat up for joint liability, taking care of the guys on the cusp—it was a gray three years, fumo.” 
“Hmm... any women?” Tiramii asked. “Any action?” 
“No, fumo. There weren’t any girls there. The most fun we ever had was... ah, yeah. Getting to eat out on days we had leave, fumo.” 
“What a boring way to spend your youth, mii.” 
“Moffu. ...But the idea of ‘beautiful youth’ is an invention of TV dramas, isn’t it? The real thing’s mostly awkward, or boring and rote. Real youth is a dark and brooding time if you ask me, fumo.” 
“Is that so, mii?” 
“That’s so, fumo.” Moffle folded his arms and nodded, his expression oddly confident. 
Isuzu cleared her throat and tapped on the packet of documents on her desk. “Philosophical discussions aside... if tomorrow passes without incident, we’ll move to keep the plan going, and draw on a greater stable of cast members to fill in for him in the future. We’re counting on you, Lord Moffle.” 
“You know I can handle it, fumo,” Moffle snorted. 
“I’ll be going to school tomorrow, too,” Isuzu told him. 
“As you like, fumo.”

The next day... 
As expected, Moffle was a perfect fill-in for Kanie Seiya. He just kept his mouth shut and projected an aura that made him seem unapproachable—and as he’d thought, the boy didn’t have any friends. Fortunately, Moffle wasn’t a nicotine addict like Macaron, so he’d be able to hold off on smoking until after school was over, and while classes were rather boring on the whole, he found some scraps of interest here and there, rather like the Open University programs he sometimes watched when the mood struck him. Most of all, this mundane high school nonsense was a breeze compared to spending each morning running ten kilometers while chanting, “FluffWuff High is invincible! Our spirits will never be broken!” and such. 
Moffu. Although... It was strange. A lot of students seemed to be glaring at him; girls, mostly. There were girls who watched him from a distance and whispered to each other; girls who wrinkled their noses and backed off when they noticed him; girls who stared daggers at him when he was just passing by... 
Hmm... Strange, fumo. Lone wolf students weren’t usually treated this harshly, were they? 
When they changed classrooms for third period, a girl from the class next to his—she seemed the strong-willed type—stage-whispered to a friend of hers: “He’s got some nerve, coming to school after what he did...” 
There were no other students around him, so it seemed clear that she was talking about him (Seiya). He could have just ignored it, but he decided it would be best, for future reference, to find out what was going on. 
Moffle walked up to the girl. “Ah, excuse me...” 
“Wh-What do you want?” the girl asked. 
“You just said ‘after what he did.’ Were you referring to me? If so, I’d like to hear more about it.” He asked it casually, as much like Kanie Seiya would as he could. 
But the girl tensed up, as if clearly on her guard. “I... I don’t know. Why don’t you ask Tsuchida-san?” 
“Tsuchida?” he asked. “Who’s that?” 
“Playing dumb? Really? You really are scum,” she spat, then swiftly walked away with her friends. 
“Hmm...” He folded his arms and thought. Scum? She was clearly taking about Kanie Seiya... It wasn’t exactly his business how the people at school thought about the boy, but given the circumstances, he couldn’t just look the other way. Had Seiya done something? No, Seiya was too earnest (surprisingly enough) for that... At the very least, you couldn’t call him “scum.”

Fourth period ended and lunch break arrived. Moffle immediately summoned Isuzu behind the school building to talk. 
“I feel like people are giving me the hairy eye...” he observed. “You have any idea why that might be?” 
“Yes. Um. Well...” Isuzu said evasively. 
“What kind of response is that? Speak up, fumo. I can’t do my job if I don’t know what’s going on.” 
“......” Isuzu wasn’t sure what to tell him. 
“Ah, fine, fumo. I’ll call Seiya, fumo. I’m not getting anywhere like—” 
“Wait,” Isuzu interrupted as Moffle pulled out his smartphone. “...The truth is...” 
“Moffu. The truth is...?” 
“...Kanie-kun doesn’t know about it,” Isuzu confessed. “On my first day as his stand-in, I ended up in a difficult situation...” She explained about her getting the love letter on the first day; about how Macaron had apparently done something the next day, and Tiramii the day after; then about the terrible rumors that were spreading about Seiya when she arrived at school today. 
“I haven’t found out the details,” she told him. “But it seems you did something awful to that Tsuchida girl. I’ve done some asking around, and there are a few different versions—” 
Isuzu had heard several different things. That he’d pinned Tsuchida Kanae to the floor. That he’d tentacle-raped Tsuchida Kanae and gotten her all slimy. That he’d drugged Tsuchida Kanae and gotten her so loopy she’d done the “double peace sign ahegao.” That he’d gotten Tsuchida Kanae to a pregnancy ending and pressed his ear happily to her belly. All kinds of things. 
“One way or another,” she concluded, “it sounds like his behavior was something outrageous.” 
“I’m not sure how she’d get to a pregnancy end in just a day... but anyway, this is serious, fumo.” 
“Macaron... he’s a level-headed person,” Isuzu pointed out. “I think the direct cause is most likely Tiramii.” 
“That mongrel! Next time I see him I’m going to stuff him with onions, fumo!” 
“I bear some responsibility in the matter, too. I didn’t tell him about what happened with Tsuchida Kanae...” 
“Moffu! It’s true, that’s not like you either, fumo. What in the world—” 
“It just slipped my mind,” she admitted. 
“A rare thing like a love letter? I find that hard to—” 
“It. Just. Slipped. My. Mind.” She plunged a hand under her skirt and glared at him threateningly. Moffle, cowed, decided to let it go. 
“W-Well... all right, fumo. Anyway, we need to think up a plan. If we don’t, Seiya may lose his good name entirely, fumo.” 
“He didn’t have a good name previously,” Isuzu said. “So... I think he’ll be fine.” It was a terrible thing to say so offhandedly. 
“You don’t feel any sense of responsibility, fumo?” 
“Of course I do,” she told him. “But Kanie-kun has grown quite hedonistic with these few days off. Relaxing over tea with the princess at night... I’m starting to think he might prefer it this way.” 
“Hey,” Moffle objected. 
“Anyway, Lord Moffle. Hearing you talk that way while looking like Kanie-kun is strangely annoying. Can’t you do something about it?” Isuzu asked. 
“You really need to show more remorse, fumo...” 
“...I’m just flustered. I can’t think of a plan, and I don’t know what to do.” She said it all matter-of-factly and expressionlessly, as usual. 
If she was feeling the way she claimed to, he wished she’d have the decency to look a little depressed or panicked. He wouldn’t ask her to be openly crying, of course, but... no, no. This was just the kind of person Sento Isuzu was. It seemed the best course of action would be for Isuzu to meet this Tsuchida girl face-to-face and ask her what happened. Then, they could figure out how to apologize to her from there. But just as Moffle was about to propose that... 
“Kanie-kun! Is this where you were hiding out?!” shouted a female voice. 
A group of female students had just arrived behind the school building.

The group consisted of four girls, none of them familiar to Moffle. The one who had shouted was a willful-looking girl, with hair just past her shoulders. 
“That’s Terano-san from class 2-5,” Isuzu whispered to Moffle. “She’s the leader of a group of girls. The panicked-looking one behind her is Tsuchida Kanae, the girl at the heart of this. The others must be Terano’s flunkies.” 
“Thanks for the explanation,” he muttered back. “So this is pretty bad, right, fumo?” 
“It certainly seems that way...” Isuzu further explained that the other two were named Yamamoto and Sasaki. They looked fairly forgettable, and he was impressed that she could remember their names. Moffle himself was bad with names, so he forgot them three seconds later. 
At any rate, that Terano girl seemed to be on the attack. She parked herself in front of Moffle (Seiya) and spoke. “Do you remember me? I’m Terano Mutsumi. We were in the same class in first year.” 
“Ah... ahh. Yeah,” he said. “Of course.” 
“You really are a liar,” she accused him. 
“...?” Moffle hesitated, unsure of what to say. 
“We weren’t in the same class at all!” Terano fumed. 
“Ugh...” Starting off with a light jab, Moffle thought. This girl’s come ready for an all-out brawl. 
“Maybe I’m nothing to you, but I still can’t forgive you,” Terano told him. “You hurt Tsuchida-san, you know that?” 
“Hmm... Moffu. Well, there was a... procedural issue, of sorts.” 
“I heard everything, you know,” she said. “Exactly what is your problem? Well?” 
“Ahh. Moffu. Hmm, what to say... I feel it would be inappropriate to comment until the complaint is officially reviewed...” 
“Quit screwing around!” she shouted in a voice that sent a shockwave rippling through the air around them. Even Moffle was stunned into silence; the other girls all went ramrod straight and gulped. “Tsuchida-san was already in a difficult position! You knew that, but then you took her out and treated her like a plaything! It’s unbelievable! She was serious about you! Is that how you seduced her, too?!” 
By “her,” she probably meant Isuzu. Despite being treated almost like a mistress, Isuzu said nothing, and just seemed to be watching things unfold silently. 
“Ah...” Moffle said. “We’re just coworkers, actua—” 
“You get pretty cozy with your coworkers, huh?” Terano sneered. 
“Really, our relationship isn’t like tha—” 
“You think I’ll buy that, huh? You really are scum. Everyone’s been walking on eggshells around you, and you’ve just been jerking them around. Kimura-kun was so traumatized he stayed home in bed today, you know!” 
“K-Kimura?” Another name he didn’t recognize. Give me a break already! 
Tsuchida Kanae took that moment to speak up, hesitantly. “T-Terano-san... It really isn’t that bad... Please don’t be too mean to Kanie-kun...” 
“Huh?! What did you say, Tsuchida-san? He almost did something awful to you yesterday, right? You were all trying to do your best by each other, while he was just satisfying himself! And he’s got her and that Shiina girl, too! He’s a triple-timing creep!” While Terano ranted away, her two friends (Moffle had already forgotten their names) nodded along in agreement. 
“Um... Shiina?” he asked cautiously. 
“That first year, Chujo Shiina!” Terano shouted back. “I’ve learned all about her, you know!” 
“Ahh, Shiina, eh...” Tiramii, listen to me. If you did anything to Shiina, I’m really going to lose my temper at you, fumo (in a substitute father sense). ...Though thinking about it now, he’d told him what his relationship with Shiina was like last week when they were drinking at Savage. Even a fool like Tiramii had a bit of common sense—he should know better than to make a pass at a girl about to make her singing debut at the park, too. What they were suggesting was hard to imagine. “Are you sure there isn’t some mistake?” he asked. 
“Absolutely not! Tsuchida-san told me!” Terano blustered. “You took Tsuchida-san to some abandoned spot and tried to do awful things to her with your little trained toy, Chujo Shiina!” 
“I-I never said that!” Tsuchida objected. 
“Shut up, Tsuchida-san! That’s the gist, isn’t it?!” Terano snapped at the panicking Tsuchida. 
Moffu... Moffle was starting to get an idea of these girls’ group dynamic. The leader was Terano; the two others were her flunkies. Then there was Tsuchida, who was on the bottom of the hierarchy. Terano had lost her temper when she heard Tsuchida’s story, and she’d been building the story up in her mind as time went on. Despite that, the fact that they called each other “-san” suggested that their relationship must be a rather shallow one. So this Terano girl didn’t know Tsuchida very well, yet she’d come out here to get angry on her behalf—was it possible that Terano was actually just using this situation to assert her group dominance? Still, I doubt I’ll be able to use that against them... 
As expected, Tsuchida spoke up immediately with a clarification. “I-I ran away before he could, and he was acting so strangely at the time...” 
“You’re just biased! He got a lewd email from that Sento woman, didn’t he?” Terano demanded. “She was bragging about all the perverted things they were going to do that night—” 
“Enough,” said Isuzu, unable to endure it any longer. “I swear by the Goddess Libra that I have no such relationship with Kanie-kun. If that Tsuchida woman is telling you that I do, then she is lying,” she finished in a harsh whisper. 
Terano smirked. “Huh? Oh, please, like Kanie-kun’s woman is a credible witness. And who the heck is Libra?” 
“If you don’t know, then perhaps I shall show you. The wrath of Libra...” Isuzu was about to pull out her musket, but Moffle stopped her. 
“Don’t,” he told her shortly. 
“But General...” Isuzu protested. 
“I said no, fumo.” The words by themselves wouldn’t sound too bizarre, except that in practice, Moffle (Seiya) had said them while stopping Isuzu from reaching under her skirt. 
Terano and her gang were looking even more confused. “A-Anyway, you’ve trampled on her pure heart! Apologize at once!” 
“I’m sorry (fumo).” Moffle bowed immediately. He looked like Seiya now, so he wasn’t ashamed to do it at all. 
“That’s not sincere!” Terano scoffed. “Get on your hands and knees!” 
“Okay. I beg of you, forgive me (fumo).” Moffle got down on all fours. He looked like Seiya now, so he wasn’t ashamed to do it in the slightest. 
“You’ve given her a traumatic memory and scarred her for life!” Terano raved. “You’d better stay away from her forever!” 
“Okay, I’ll stay away (fumo).” He nodded fervently while still on all fours. He looked like Seiya now, so he wasn’t ashamed to do it whatsoever. 
Ahh, darn it, he thought, nonetheless. All this nonsense about love and pure feelings... it’s making me want to tell her off. 
That’s when she decided to rub it in. “You don’t mean any of it! You can’t fool me! Do you even understand the concept of romance?!” Terano stamped her foot down in front of him, with the force one might use to crush someone’s head. The dust cloud kicked up from her toes landed on the crown of Moffle’s bodysuit. 
He may have looked like Seiya now, but still, he had reached the limits of what he could take. “Don’t push your luck, little girl!” 
“Ah...” Terano cried out in surprise. 
He swept Terano’s legs out from under her and stood up, then started screaming at the fallen girl. “I can take all your nonsense about memories and innocence! But a child like you, talking about love?! Don’t make me laugh, fumo!” 
“General, calm down,” Isuzu said. 
“Shut up! I’m telling her off, fumo!” 
This time it was Isuzu who had tried to do the restraining, but Moffle brushed her off and laid into the dumbstruck girls. “All this talk about pain, just to serve your high school clique nonsense... what do you people think life is, fumo?! ‘Ooh, look how mad I can get on Tsuchida-san’s behalf! I’m so cool!’ Cut. The. Crap!!!!” As Moffle screamed, he lashed his arms forward, unleashing a sonic boom that cut a nearby tree into three parts. He’d never used a move like that before, but apparently his sheer rage had made it possible. Well, anyone could do that if they got angry enough. “You’re all just playing at love anyway, fumo!” 
“Hey!” the girls objected. 
“The true pain and agony of love—how could you understand it, fumo?! You can’t! Think... watching the woman you’ve loved for a decade go off on her honeymoon with a man that you hate! Do you know how that feels?! It’s torture! It’s pain beyond imagining! But you have to endure it! No matter how much it hurts, you can’t tell anyone! You bear it for another dozen years! Then the girl you love tells you ‘take care of my daughter!’ Do you understand how that makes a man feel?! No, I don’t think you do, fumo!” He ranted on and on, turning the blame back on them as the girls just stood there in stunned silence. 
“Are you talking about the princess?” Isuzu asked him, which snapped Moffle back to his senses. 
“Sh-Shut up! That’s a hypothetical! I’m just making a point, fumo!” He wasn’t quite sure what he was saying himself, but one way or another, he wasn’t going to go along with this farce any longer. “You little girls! If you want to make Seiya a villain, go ahead and do it! No one cares about Seiya! But let me give you one word of warning: you’ll never marry a good man, and that’s for sure! Remember my words in twenty years and bite your tongues off in misery!” 
His abuse had certainly gone too far. On top of that, he’d forgotten any pretense of the role he was playing, causing the girls to become confused and angry. “What is he talking about?” “It’s so gross,” they whispered to each other. At the very least, there were no signs that it had inspired any regret or sympathy in them. 
Behind him, Isuzu said in a gloomy voice, “It’s all over...” There was vanishingly small chance of ever restoring Seiya’s reputation at school now. 
“Yes... I think we’re done here. You’ve made it perfectly clear that you’re absolute trash.” Looking disgusted, the girls turned to leave. But it was just then that a new student arrived. 
“Ah, excuse me! Could you wait a minute?” the boy called out. 
It was a boy in his second year whom Moffle didn’t recognize. Isuzu did seem to recognize him, although only superficially. 
“Kimura-kun? I thought you were staying home today,” Terano said. 
The boy—Kimura something, apparently—came running up to them. He arrived next to Moffle (Seiya) and stopped, shoulders heaving. “Well... I realized things might be getting a little crazy here... so I changed my mind and came to school earlier. Then I overheard the confrontation...” After catching his breath, Kimura faced the group, put his hands together and bowed down low. “I’m sorry, all of you!” 
“Wait. Why are you apologizing, Kimura-kun?” Terano asked. 
“Kanie, he... he... he did all this crazy stuff for me!” Kimura claimed. 
“Huh?” 
“All those weird things he said, all the passes he made at those girls... he was trying to get Tsuchida-san to hate him, to get things back to normal,” Kimura explained. “Isn’t that right, Kanie?” 
Moffle stared for a moment, dumbstruck as the question was turned to him. “Fumo? Um...” 
“Isn’t that right, Kanie?” Kimura asked again. 
“Ah... yeah,” Moffle agreed. “Well...” 
“I’m really sorry. Things just got out of control.” Kimura let out a sigh and put a hand on Moffle’s shoulder. “Two nights ago, I had a conversation with Kanie. It seemed like Tsuchida-san had stopped having feelings for me. I didn’t know what to do, but Kanie said, ‘I just have to get her to hate me, then. Simple.’ But he went way too far, and now people are spreading awful rumors about him... Right, Terano?” Kimura glanced at her, and Terano averted her eyes awkwardly. Moffle was starting to get an idea of who it was who had spread those rumors. 
“But I’ve changed my mind,” Kimura continued. “It’s not okay to put that burden on Kanie, you know? It’s been hard on Tsuchida-san, too... So I’ve decided to forget the whole thing. I’m going to work on my own to become worthy of you, Tsuchida-san! So please, Terano...” 
“R-Right...” the girl said. 
“Just let this go, okay? I know I’ve made a lot of trouble for you, but...” Moffle didn’t know why it was, but Kimura’s words seemed strangely forceful. 
Terano had no reason to refuse his request, and this would preserve Tsuchida’s reputation, too. After a lot of ups and downs, it felt like things were finally resolving. 
“I... If you’re both all right with it, I won’t say anything else about it...” Terano agreed. 
“Thanks,” Kimura said sincerely. “How about you, Tsuchida-san?” 
“Huh? Oh... right,” said Tsuchida. “I... if you’re all right with it, Kimura-kun...” 
The two main parties involved had agreed, and in the end, Kimura bowed low to Moffle (Seiya) and Isuzu as well. 
“That should cover everything. Also Kanie, Sento... I know you guys are just coworkers, so I’m sorry for adding fuel to that weird misunderstanding!”

After breathing, “I rushed down here, but I’m still feeling pretty sick,” and dashing away, Kimura moved to an emergency stairway a little ways away, and watched the rest unfold in secret. 
Though probably feeling a little disoriented over the problem being resolved so easily, the group of girls, Kanie Seiya, and Sento Isuzu all gave perfunctory apologies to each other, then dispersed to prepare for fifth period. 
“Whew. You think this will really calm things down?” Kimura groaned to the girl—Chujo Shiina—who had met him by the stairway. 
“Hmm... I don’t really know. But... your performance was excellent, Senpai,” Shiina complimented him. 
“Heh. Some things you never forget.” As he spoke, “Kimura” pulled off his head in a manner suggestive of a person pulling off a mask. The face beneath was that of Kanie Seiya. Slightly unnerved, he gazed at the “Gulley Bodysuit” he’d removed, a mask that resembled Kimura’s face. “It was a rush job, but I think it fooled them. I have to say, those Mogutes really know their stuff...” 
After learning everything, Seiya had commissioned them that morning, and they had turned it around in just two hours. They only needed to model a head rather than the full body, of course, but it was still an impressive rush job. Luckily, since they only had to make a head, they had just enough material to finish it. 
“It’s... a magic bodysuit, right?” Shiina asked. “I guess that explains why you’ve been acting so strangely these last few days... After everything I’ve been through, I’m not surprised by a whole lot anymore, but that one sure threw me for a loop...” 
“You certainly seem like an adaptable person, Chujo,” Seiya smiled maliciously, and Shiina averted her eyes. 
“D-Don’t tease me...” 
“Anyway, thanks for all your help. I’d like to raise your wage, but... well, maybe someday. I’ll treat you to something later if you can make do with that.” 
“Ehm...” Her response was unenthusiastic. Of course, he couldn’t just raise her wage that easily; once he did, it would be tricky to lower it again, and he needed to be frugal with these things. 
It had been late last night when Seiya first realized that something was wrong. It had been a total coincidence—he’d had a few things he needed to confirm with Chujo Shiina regarding her CD recording schedule, so he’d given her a call. Her reactions to him had been unusual, so he’d pressed her for answers. In response, she mentioned something about him “flirting with some second-year girl.” 
He grilled Tiramii, who had been on duty that day, just before he went home. Then he talked to Macaron, who’d been on duty the day before, and everything fell into place. He’d thought about questioning Isuzu, too, but eventually decided against it; he could roughly guess what trouble she’d gotten into as his stand-in on the first day. But now he had to figure out what to do about it. 
He expected that he (or rather, Moffle) was probably going to get a grilling from Terano’s gang in the morning. It wasn’t hard to imagine how that might degrade his standing at school. It was true that he had no friends, but he didn’t want things to get even less comfortable than they were—and so, he’d come up with a plan. 
That morning, he met up with Kimura on the way to school and asked for his help. More specifically, he’d asked “what is the most embarrassing memory of your life?” and used his magic to read the answer. He’d felt a little bad about that, but he hadn’t had time to explain. He then used that information to blackmail Kimura into letting him take a few dozen pictures of his face, and also to take the day off from school. 
He sent the image files to the Mogute Clan members he’d asked to be on standby, and they immediately set to work making the Kimura mask. Just a few hours later, he’d been able to pick up the costume. Then he just managed to make it to school in time for lunch break. He got in touch with Shiina, whom he’d asked before to keep an eye on them for him, and she’d reported that they were behind the school. It seemed he’d just managed to make it there in time. Then, he’d spouted that made-up story, and the problem was resolved. 
“But I was wondering, Kanie-senpai...” Shiina said, hesitantly. “Why didn’t you tell Moffle-san and Isuzu-senpai that it was you? I thought that after the girls left, you’d take off the mask and really yell at them...” 
“I thought about it...” Seiya frowned. Of course he was mad about what his stand-ins had gotten up to while he was away; it was ridiculous for them to be so irresponsible just because it wasn’t their own lives on the line. But when he’d seen Moffle and Isuzu standing in front of that gang, desperately doing everything they could, he’d found he wasn’t mad anymore. To the contrary, he almost felt like he was the one who should apologize. “Well... they’ve been going out of their way to be my stand-ins,” he finally said. “I’m not actually in any position to be angry at them.” Seiya wasn’t just being polite; that was how he really felt. 
In response, Shiina fell silent. An expression came over her face that was somehow both sad and a little bit amused. “Senpai, seriously...” 
“...?” Seiya waited for her to continue. 
“You told me not to tell anyone, so I won’t...” Shiina said, “But you’re making me really want to tell Moffle-san and the others about this someday.” 
What are you talking about, kid? Seiya wondered. Did you even hear what I said? “What did I swear you to secrecy for, then?” he demanded. “Seriously, don’t tell.” 
“But it’s going to come out soon enough, right?” Shiina coaxed. “Macaron-san and Tiramii-san and the Mogute Clan already know about it.” 
“Hmm... I suppose it is only a matter of time,” he admitted. “But I don’t want anyone feeling indebted to me over this, particularly Sento and Moffle.” 
“Okay. I won’t tell anyone,” she promised. “Don’t worry.” 
“Really?” he asked. “I can count on you?” 
“Yes!” 
Why did she look so happy about it? Seiya thought about using his magic to peer into her mind, but then he remembered his “grenade rule,” and opted against it.

That night... 
Isuzu stopped by the rooftop garden to report in. Just like the last few days, Seiya and Latifah were both there, chatting pleasantly. “Excuse me, Your Highness.” 
“Oh, Isuzu-san. I simply must tell you the funniest thing...” Latifah let out an elegant laugh. “It appears that Kanie-sama always puts half a bottle of strawberry jam on his pancakes. Do you really love strawberry jam that much?” 
“Hmm... I guess you could say it’s my favorite food. Is that strange?” Seiya tilted his head. 
“It certainly is,” Latifah told him. “How do you ever have enough jam to feed yourself?” 
“Hmm... I guess I do finish up a bottle every three days or so,” Seiya said. “But there’s a bargain sale at the nearby supermarket every now and then, so I always stock up when that happens...” 
“Then next time,” she promised, “I shall make the jam myself.” 
“Hey, that sounds great.” 
“It is easily done,” Latifah said dismissively. “Do you really prefer sweet things?” 
“Hmm... I guess I do prefer things on the sweeter side.” 
“Yes, I see.” She giggled. 
Isuzu rarely saw Latifah laugh this way. Still respectful, yet still truly enjoying herself, as if she were standing in a warm, gentle breeze— 
“Is it really that funny?” Seiya asked. “I think you’re the strange one...” 
Seiya, too... His expression, so gentle. Isuzu only ever saw him when he was neck-deep in work, which kept his profile always stern and serious. 
“So, what did you need?” he said, looking at Isuzu after a chuckle. 
“I’m here to pass on the stand-in job,” Isuzu told him. “You may have forgotten, but tomorrow is your day to go to school.” 

“Oh, that’s right. Did you have any problems?” 
“...No, I don’t believe so. Please enjoy your lonely school life in peace.” She found, abruptly, that there was an edge to her voice. 
Isuzu had been wondering all day how best to report the nonsense she had caused because of her blunder. Kimura’s appearance today had wrapped everything up neatly, but things could just as easily have plunged into disaster. Still, in that moment, she had lost her desire to report to him about it. Things had resolved, certainly, but they had taken a toll on her. Seeing him now, leisurely chatting with the princess about strawberry jam... why, she wondered, should she bow and scrape and apologize to him? She was angry. But at the same time, she felt guilty. 
“Hmm...” Seiya went silent for a while, a relaxed, amused smile on his face. Isuzu found something strangely disconcerting about the mannerism, but before she could speculate any further, he declared: “All right. Then please keep this up next week!” 
Even as she felt relief flood through her, Isuzu responded awkwardly. “If that is what you want, Kanie-kun...” 
“You bet it is. I can get all my credits and also hold a part-time job. It’s a real win-win! Heh heh,” Seiya laughed with a wicked smile. 
“Oh Kanie-sama, how silly you are... But you must not come crying to me if you fail to keep up with your studies,” Latifah chided him. She used a small gesture to encourage Isuzu to take a seat, then poured tea into a cup she had prepared. 
“Don’t worry. I’m smart,” he said. 
“It is not merely about academics; there is a moral issue at play. What you are doing is not unlike cheating. Of course, I would never dream of chastising you, but—” Latifah paused. Her hand holding the pot trembled, and hot water began to spill out. “I would never dream of... but...” 
“Your Highness?” Isuzu asked with alarm. 
“Latifah?” Seiya was concerned, too. 
Latifah dropped the tea pot and collapsed onto the table with a crash. The pot didn’t break, but hot water spilled out onto the mat and the coasters. 
“Hey!” 
“Your Highness!” Isuzu rushed to help her up, while Seiya sopped up the water with his napkin. 
“Forgive me... I am... fine...” Latifah said. Her breathing was shallow. 
“But...” 
“I really am fine. This is not... so unusual...” She was forcing herself to smile, which somehow made the situation even more painful. “I experience vertigo from time to time. My head begins swimming... and I go limp...” 
“You should lie down. Get her to that bench—no, her bedroom would be better,” Seiya decided. “Which way is it? I wish I knew this place better... Ah, dammit!” 
“This way,” Isuzu told him. 
They put Latifah to bed in the penthouse room near the rooftop garden. It was a simple bedroom that could be entered through a glass door on the upper terrace. Seiya had carried her, and Isuzu led the way. 
“Forgive me,” Latifah sighed. “I feel so... so ashamed...” 
“Don’t sweat it,” Seiya told her. “Just rest.” 
“Yes... I do believe... that I will.” 
Once she was settled in, Seiya suggested contacting the park infirmary, but there was no one staffing it at this time of night. He even recommended calling an ambulance, but Latifah repeatedly insisted that she was fine, and so he eventually relented. 
“I’ll watch over her,” Isuzu decided. “As a man, you should leave.” 
He couldn’t argue with Isuzu there. Seiya did as he was told and went back to the garden. Isuzu unbuttoned Latifah’s blouse to make her more comfortable, and eventually, the princess smiled sadly. 
“I’m sorry, Isuzu-san...” 
“Why apologize to me?” Isuzu asked. “It’s best to rest when the season is changing...” 
“Yes... Ah, but do not tell the others...” 
“I won’t, of course. Don’t worry.” 
“Please...” Latifah’s slender hand squeezed Isuzu’s tightly. 
You’re nervous, aren’t you? Isuzu realized. Poor thing. Presumptuous as it may be, allow me to rub your shoulder. 
“Thank you...” 
They spent about thirty minutes this way in the bedroom designed to look like the one in the royal palace of Maple Land. Eventually, Latifah went to sleep. Her hand went limp, released Isuzu’s, and fell down to the bed with a rustle of silk. 
Isuzu sneaked back out into the garden and found Seiya standing there, his arms crossed, and facing away. He was looking down at the park from the observation deck, silent and still. 
“She’s asleep,” Isuzu told him. 
Seiya heard her, but he didn’t respond immediately. He seemed to be thinking deeply about something. This was a side of him she saw from time to time—a forbidding aura that rejected all kind words. 
“Is this because of the curse?” he asked. 
“Yes. It happened several times last year as well,” Isuzu admitted. “But this year...” 
“It’s more frequent?” 
“...Yes.” 
“It seems park attendance alone isn’t enough,” Seiya said melancholically. “I guess we won’t be out of the woods until we solve the root problem. I just... I don’t know how to do it. I don’t have the slightest clue.” 
He sighed. 
It was a heavier sigh than Isuzu had ever heard from him.

In accordance with his declaration that he was going to “stuff him full of onions,” Moffle dragged Tiramii to the bar, Savage, and ordered three helpings each of nikujaga and Shamo chicken tataki (which came with a garnish of raw onions). 
“Go on! Eat, you mongrel!” he commanded. 
Tiramii knitted his brow. “Huh? Wait, is this about that thing... that it’s not good for dogs to eat onions, mii?” 
“That’s right, fumo. So get eating. If you survive, I might forgive you. If you die, well, it’s one less mongrel in the world. That’s how angry I am with you, fumo!!” 
“Mii...” He’d assumed he might try begging for his life, but Tiramii just split his wooden chopsticks and began shoveling the nikujaga into his mouth—onions and all. “Hahmph, mmph... delicious. Delicious, mii!” 
“Eh?” Moffle exclaimed. 
He then sprinkled garlic-poached soy sauce on the Shamo chicken tatami (with raw onions) and wolfed it down. After stuffing six people’s worth of food into his stomach, Tiramii let out a burp and a sigh and gulped down his highball. “Onions are scary. Wow, now alcohol is scary, mii.” 
“...... Ah, you seem fine. What a boring payoff, fumo...” 
Moffle sank in his seat. Macaron, beside him, leisurely downed his beer. 
“Well, we’re fairies,” he observed. “It’s not like we’re real dogs or sheep, ron.” 
“Ah, true enough...” Moffle acknowledged. 
“Besides, remember when we went out for jingisukan recently, ron? 
“Right. That was mutton, fumo...” 
“If you think about it, it’s cannibalism, ron! Bwahaha!” The sheep mascot snickered in amusement as he chewed on his yakitori. Moffle felt vaguely like he should object to the sight, but he wasn’t quite sure where to start. 
“Now... enough about Tiramii’s punishment. Let’s do a performance review for our latest assignment, fumo,” Moffle declared, switching gears. 
“Mii. Latest assignment?” 
“You know, fumo. The Seiya stand-in plan. We got lucky that time, but it could have just as easily ended in tragedy, fumo.” 
“Ah, actually...” Macaron was about to say something, but silenced himself. 
“What, fumo?” 
“Nothing, ron. I’ll tell you some day.” 
“Moffu?” 
Just as things were feeling awkward, Tiramii, messing around with his smartphone, spoke up: “Ah! I invited Muse-chan over LINE and she’s coming right now, mii. She’s bringing the others, too, mii!” 
Muse was the Fairy of Water for the attraction Aquario, which had been getting remarkably popular lately. She’d always worn a very revealing costume, but thanks to the PV that had gone viral on the Internet in March, rumor had it that she’d been getting a lot more of “those” kinds of customers. “The others” Muse was bringing were her co-stars from that attraction. 
“Who are the others?” 
“Fairy of Wind Sylphie-chan, Fairy of Earth Kobory-chan, and Fairy of Fire, Salama-chan.” 
“Ahh...” Moffle and Macaron both let out a little groan. 
“What’s wrong, mii? They’re all cutie pies.” 
“Well, Sylphie and Kobory and Muse are all fine,” Moffle began, “but...” 
“Salama’s the trouble, ron. You can’t say anything when she’s around.” 
Tiramii just tilted his head in confusion at this description of Salama. “Huh? Why not? She’s got a great rack and she’s nice. She’s a good girl, mii!” 
“What?! Have you forgotten, ron? What she did on Twitter last time...” 
Moffle knew just what he was talking about. It had happened last year. The Fairy of Fire, Salama, had written some nasty tweets about a guest; a family that had been exceptionally rude. “Shut the hell up while we’re performing. Also, die,” it had read. She’d also uploaded a picture of the family (without blurring the faces), accompanied by the words “never come back.” 
The tweet had exploded, naturally, and the park was soon bombarded with complaint emails. Isuzu had been the acting manager at the time; she’d uploaded an apology to the official site, along with a press release saying Salama had been suspended, and they’d managed to calm things down, but... 
“What’s wrong with flaming? I’m the Fairy of Fire, after all,” Salama had said to the executives after her suspension was given to her. 
“You’re not sorry at all, fumo...” Moffle had told her then. 
“Yeah, she wasn’t sorry at all, fumo...” he recalled now. 
Moffle and Macaron folded their short arms and nodded succinctly. 
“...Maybe it’s not my place to say, as I’ve hit customers myself... but that woman is bad news, fumo. If she thinks she’s in the right, she doesn’t give the slightest mind about how others might feel. It’s a mystery to me why she wasn’t fired, fumo.” 
“I don’t get it either, ron. I wish she’d just quit already...” 
It was then that Tiramii spoke. “Y-You two. Look behind you, mii...” 
They turned back and saw four beautiful girls standing at the entrance to the tatami room. Muse, Sylphie, and Kobory were all smiling awkwardly. Just behind them was the Fairy of Fire Salama, who was silently tapping things into her smartphone. 
“Um, sorry we’re late. We just got here...” Muse spoke for the four of them. She was wearing ordinary street clothes. 

“H-Hey... Thanks for coming, fumo. Make room, guys. ...You can sit over there, fumo.” 
The three mascots made room. The four women sat down. Amidst the awkward atmosphere, Salama, the person at issue, said nothing. She just silently continued tapping things into her smartphone. 
“Um... did you hear, ron?” 
“Well... yes. Er...” Muse responded. 
“U-Um... we were just blowing off steam, fumo. I hope you won’t take it too hard...” 
“But I will, Moffle-senpai,” Salama spoke for the first time. “This is unjust treatment. It’s workplace harassment. It requires retaliation. The text of my complaint is already written out. Shall I read it to you?” 
“P-Please don’t, fumo.” 
“...... ‘I arrived at a drinking party for work and found Moffle, Macaron, and Tiramii there badmouthing me. I thought they were adults. Super gross’ is what it says. Now I just have to press the send button.” Salama held her smartphone in the air like it was the detonation switch for a bomb. 
“C-Calm down, ron. We’re sorry, okay? Please don’t—” 
“Tell us your conditions, fumo! We’ll gladly negotiate—” 
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m the Fairy of Fire. Flaming is my specialty. It’s time you all learned that!” 
“Fumo!” 
Click. 
The scene descended into chaos. 
Salama, pressing “send.” Moffle and the others leaping at her, hoping there was still time to delete it. Snatching the phone back and forth, upending the table. Tiramii taking advantage of the commotion to cop a feel on the other girls and getting stabbed by ice picks, which made things even more chaotic... It continued on like that, right up until they all realized that smartphones didn’t get a signal in the tatami room.