Arifureta Shokugyou de Sekai Saikyou (LN) - Volume SS - Chapter 3

Chapter III: Arifureta Fairy Tales Compilation 

Arifureta Fairy Tales: The Honest Woodcutter
 
One day, a woodcutter was cutting down trees near a certain spring. He had with him his trusty magic-powered azantium chainsaw. His chainsaw made a loud buzzing noise as it cut through trees like a hot knife through butter. With his trusty chainsaw, the young man could chop down anything he pleased, whether it be boulders or steel walls. A tool like this would be just as useful on a battlefield as it was in a forest. Anyone who wielded it would be able to mow down hordes of soldiers with ease. Swords, shields, and even plate armor would be unable to withstand its might. 
As for why a mere woodcutter possessed such a powerful tool, well, that was not important. Why he was still just a woodcutter despite having the ability to be far more was also not important. 
With a resounding crash, one of the trees fell to the ground. 
“Phew, looks like work went well today, too.” 
Today’s job was done. It had only taken the young man five minutes, but he still wiped a bead of imaginary sweat off his brow. Just then, he sensed something trying to kill him! 
“Tch, die you worthless mutt!” 
He let loose a string of violent curses that one wouldn’t expect to hear from a village woodcutter. The young man then pulled loose an L-shaped piece of metal from his pocket and took aim. A second later, a streak of red light was set loose through the trees. There sure were a lot of things being set loose today. 
The last thing to come loose was the head of the “mutt” he’d shot at, a wolf-like monster that had been hiding in a nearby thicket. The moment the streak of light hit its head, it blew clean off. Still, there wasn’t just one wolf aiming for the young man’s life. He fired off a series of flashes that brutally obliterated the entire pack. The scene was gruesome enough that it should have been censored. The peaceful forest was dyed red with the blood of monsters. 
“Tch, as always, all you’ve got on your side is numbers. Hm? Shit, the goods!” 
Until now, the young devil who’d been painting the forest red had been perfectly composed. However, he lost his cool when he noticed one of the wolves sneaking up to his precious goods. 
By goods, he of course meant the splendid tree he’d just chopped down. The monster then heartlessly activated its special magic and shot a fireball at the tree. Even if the woodcutter slaughtered the monster now, his tree would be burnt beyond recognition. The woodcutter flung his L-shaped weapon to the side, raised his chainsaw in both hands, and charged toward the fireball. 
“Like hell I’ll let you!” 
With a spirited cry, the woodcutter swung his chainsaw down and split the fireball in two. He then swung it back up, slicing right through the wolf’s stomach. Another red flower blossomed amidst the green trees. 
“Phew, I made it... Oh yeah...” 
Once again wiping an imaginary bead of sweat off his brow, the woodcutter looked about for the weapon he’d thrown earlier. When his gaze passed over the spring, he noticed there were ripples in the previously still water. 
“Crap! I can’t believe I threw it right into the spring!” 
The woodcutter walked over to the edge of the spring. Seeing as he couldn’t find his weapon anywhere else, it was likely it had fallen in. He slumped his shoulders and sighed. 
“Man, what do I do? Without that, it’ll take more time to annihilate monsters and thieves. God, what a pain.” 
The spring was both wide and deep. Diving to the bottom to search for his weapon would take considerable time and effort. 
“Maybe I should just throw a bunch of burning taur down there and vaporize the spring.” 
The woodcutter muttered ominously. Taur burned at an impressive 3000 degrees Celsius, so it would certainly be possible. The spring suddenly began to sparkle, as if reacting to the woodcutter’s terrifying remarks. Surprised, the man turned on his chainsaw and got ready to fight. From within the spring’s depths, a person emerged. 
“Wow...” 
The usually curt and cruel woodcutter gasped in wonder. That was just how beautiful the goddess who had emerged from the spring was. Nothing could match her splendor. Her golden-blonde hair sparkled in the sunlight. Her long eyelashes and deep crimson eyes captivated all who gazed upon her. Her porcelain-white skin was tinged with the faintest of blushes. She appeared to be no more than twelve or thirteen years old, but her passionate gaze and seductive smile made her seem much older. She was quite the captivating goddess. Her slender limbs peeked out from a pure white gown. When she spotted the woodcutter, the goddess crouched down in front of him. She then thrust both hands into the spring and pulled something out with each. The woodcutter had expected her to use magic, not something as mundane as her own two hands. 
“Is this your crafty rabbit? Or is this your perverted priestess?” 
The woodcutter didn’t know how to respond. The goddess had just pulled two people out of the spring. One had bunny ears growing out of her head, while the other was dressed in priestess robes. They were both soaked through and seemed rather miffed at being held up by their collars. 
From the sound of it, the goddess had plunged them into the spring against their will. It seemed this was a goddess who kidnapped people. 
“Ugh. Hey, you, mister with the chainsaw. Won’t you please pick this poor rabbit? If you do, I’ll devote these bunny ears to you for life!” 
The woodcutter wasn’t quite sure what it meant to have bunny ears devoted to him, but he certainly was tempted. The bunny girl had an impressive bust size, and she made sure to emphasize it while pleading to the young man. 
I see now, she definitely is crafty. 
“U-Umm, you over there! The guy who turned this peaceful forest into a battlefield, I mean. Do you think you could help me? If you pick me, I’ll do anything you ask!” 
The woodcutter wasn’t sure what she was expecting him to ask of her, but he could tell by her blushing and fidgeting that it wasn’t anything wholesome. The priestess buried her face in her hands, but continued peeking coyly through her fingers at the woodcutter. 
I see now, she’s definitely a pervert. 
“I didn’t drop anything living into the spring, you know.” 
“Huh!?” 
The crafty bunny girl and perverted priestess looked at him in shock. 
“Mmm... I suppose that’s understandable. We don’t need these, then.” 
“Hey, don’t you think that’s a little rude!?” 
“Y-You’re so mean, Ha—” 
The goddess dumped both of them back into the spring. They didn’t come back up. 
“Then, is this your—” 
“Oh, is it my turn already? Very well, Master. Please insult—” 
“Next.” 
The goddess dropped what she picked up before the woodcutter even had a good chance to look at it. From the quick glimpse he’d gotten, he assumed it was some strange creature. The goddess stuck her hand into the spring once more and fished around. After a while, it seemed she found what she was looking for and pulled her hand back out. 
“Mmm... Is this your thirty-five centimeter long, taur-made, azantium-coated, Lightning Field-powered, six shot revolver capable of railgun-enhanced shots and named after the German word for thunder, aka Donner?” 
What a frighteningly detailed description. It was hard to believe she’d seen it for the first time with how accurate it was. It was almost as if this goddess had been watching the woodcutter all this time. 
The woodcutter’s expression stiffened. He had realized, perhaps a little too late, that this goddess was dangerous. Chills ran down his spine, and he opened his mouth to say that it was indeed his. However, the goddess interrupted him before he could. 
“Or...” 
She took her empty hand and placed it elegantly on her own chest. 
“Is this your goddess?” 
“Like I said, I didn’t drop anything living into that spring,” the woodcutter retorted, which made the goddess narrow her eyes. That was the look of a hunter eyeing her prey. 
“This is your goddess, isn’t it?” 
Now she was pushing herself onto the woodcutter. However, he wasn’t one to be swayed that easily. 
“No, I dropped Donner into there. The gun you’re hiding behind your back. Please give it back to me. Hey, wait, don’t throw it away! What? I have to pick you if I want it back? Now you’re just blackmailing me!” 
The goddess attempted to throw Donner back into the spring, tears in her eyes, while the woodcutter did everything in his power to stop her. Sounds of their life and death struggle resounded throughout the woods. 
In the end, their tale ended just how it was meant to according to folklore. For his honesty, the woodcutter received everything the goddess had offered him before. That, of course, meant he received both his revolver and a smiling goddess. 
Arifureta Fairy Tales: Alice in Wonderland 
“I’m bored...” 
A voice muttered from up high in the sky. Its owner was a beautiful blonde girl in a white apron. She floated in the air, far above the lush green fields. It was a mystery as to how she was able to ignore gravity. However, one could allow her astounding beauty to explain that away. After all, anything was possible for beautiful people. 
The beautiful girl, Alice, heard something down below and looked to see what it was. 
“Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!” 
A white rabbit-girl wearing stylish sunglasses roared down the green plains on a motorcycle. She seemed to be in a huge hurry. 
What an odd sight. I suppose this might make for a good way to kill time, Alice thought to herself. It was interesting to note that she found a bunny girl on a motorcycle odd, but saw nothing strange about the fact that she could float. Alice descended upon the bunny girl, intent on captur— No, talking to this strange creature. She seemed wholly unconcerned by the fact that the girl was in a great hurry. Alice dropped like a rock, accelerating to the speed of sound. She crashed into the ground in front of the motorcycle with the force of a meteor. 
“Hiiiiiiiiiiii!? Wh-What on earth was that!? What just happened!?” 
The white rabbit-girl shrieked in surprise. She screeched to a halt, drifting her bike to improve her deceleration. Then, she strained her eyes, trying to see through the dust cloud Alice’s impact had kicked up. Eventually, the gust of wind blew the dust away, revealing a massive crater with Alice standing in its center. Unhurt. With not even a speck of dirt on her clothes. 
“Ms. White Rabbit, where are you going?” 
“Wait, we’re just gonna ignore that crazy entrance of yours!? I just saw something insane and you want to know where I’m going!?” 
The white rabbit’s reaction was only natural. However, Alice responded with her trademark silent glare. It seemed she wouldn’t say anything else until the rabbit answered her questions. 
This girl’s bad news! Intimidated by the pressure Alice was exuding, the rabbit finally relented and told Alice her destination. 
“I see. So you’re headed for a parallel universe, then. Very well. They say the more the merrier. I shall accompany you.” 
“No that’s really quite—” 
The rabbit trailed off as she saw Alice’s death glare. 
“G-Glad to have you.” 
Her rabbit ears drooped. It seemed she wouldn’t be able to defy Alice. Satisfied, Alice nodded and followed the rabbit to the hole leading between worlds. The two of them leaped into it together, falling a long, long way. Growing tired of the long wait, Alice grabbed the poor rabbit by her collar and accelerated faster down the hole. Finally, they landed with a bang. Alice slapped the poor, unconscious girl awake and examined her surroundings. 
“What’s this, Ms. White Rabbit?” 
“Ughhhhhh...” 
Alice pointed to a cookie sitting on top of a table. There was a note next to it that read “Eat me.” Sadly, the rabbit was too busy trying not to puke to answer her question. Sighing, Alice trained her death glare on the rabbit once more, which made her snap to attention. Her face still pale, she squeezed out a reply. 
“I-It makes you bigger.” 
“Interesting.” 
Alice’s eyes sparkled with mischief. Her gaze fixated on the rabbit’s chest, which jiggled every time she trembled. Alice greedily devoured the cookie. Sadly, all it did was make her body bigger. Annoyed, Alice groped the rabbit’s boobs. If she couldn’t have them, she’d at least enjoy them. However, their superb softness only made Alice even more jealous. Finally, she remembered what they’d come here for, and summoned a torrent of water to destroy the door. With the path now open, she headed out into this new world. Many of the nearby animals rode the torrent that suddenly appeared as well, gathering around Alice and the rabbit. They invited Alice to join their race. Alice showed off a rare smile, and accepted their invitation. 
“Victory goes to the swift— Whirling Darkness.” 
Alice crushed all the other contenders with a whirlpool of gravity. In order to win, she’d eliminated the competition. It was a very efficient method, albeit rather cruel. She’d won the race without having to run a foot. Furthermore, Alice had flattened the entire area. The poor white rabbit shrunk back, trying to pretend this was all just a dream. However, this was reality and Alice dragged her on to whatever lay ahead. 
Along the way, Alice encountered the Jabberwocky, the manifestation of all evil in the world. As the Jabberwocky tried to stop her, she sent him packing with a well-placed crimson javelin to the behind. For some reason, this made the Jabberwocky moan in pleasure. Disturbed, Alice instead flattened the Jabberwocky with gravity magic. Once again, Alice flattened the entire area. Many other fantastical creatures tried to bar Alice’s way, but she crushed each and every one of them with gravity magic. 

The entire topography of Wonderland was beginning to become uniform. Finally, the pair entered the forest. Alice sensed something above her, and looked up at the trees. 
“Hello there, young lady! I’m the Cheshire Cat. Why are you here? There’s no food here that will make your chest grow bigger.” 
A strange creature grinned at Alice. There were cat ears growing out of its head. Alice’s eyebrows twitched. The white rabbit groaned, guessing what was about to happen next. However, the fearless cat continued, heedless of the danger it was in. 
“Hey, how did it feel? Eating something in the hopes that it would make your breasts bigger, only to find out all it did was make your whole body bigger? How does it feel knowing no matter what you eat, your breasts are doomed to remain as flat as a washboard? Come on, tell—” 
The Cheshire Cat, along with half the forest, was flattened in an instant. No one ever saw the Cheshire Cat again. Alice sullenly walked through the forest. Her irritation vanished in an instant once they reached the exit, though. 
“Hm? It’s rare to see a guest here. Are you a friend of the White Rabbit’s?” 
Alice was smitten at once. Her heart began to race, and her body grew hot. 
“Why hello, Mr. Hatter. Are you holding another tea party today?” 
“I am indeed. It’s never easy dealing with the queen. I fear I need a cup of tea before going to see her or I’ll likely end up being hauled off for insulting royalty.” 
The Hatter was smartly dressed in a tailcoat, and had an eyepatch covering one eye. He smiled awkwardly and offered the pair tea. From his words, Alice could tell the queen came to visit him often. Though she claimed she was just checking up on her hat orders, as he was known as the greatest hatter in the kingdom, the white rabbit knew that was just a facade. It was obvious to anyone who’d seen them that the queen was head over heels in love with the Hatter. 
“So, White Rabbit. Would you like to introduce me to that friend of yours?” 
“Huh? Oh, uh, she’s not really my friend. She’s more like, how do I put this...” 
The White Rabbit couldn’t decide how to introduce Alice. She was sure if she told the Hatter what Alice really was—the incarnation of violence—she wouldn’t live to see another day. 
Fortunately, she was spared when Alice decided to introduce herself. 
“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Hatter. My name is Alice. I know this is a bit sudden, but... I’ve fallen in love with you at first sight. Will you marry me, Mr. Hatter?” 
Time stopped for the Mad Hatter. Once again, the White Rabbit groaned. Alice trotted up to the Hatter and gave him the most pleading, puppy-dog look she could muster. At the same time, her gaze promised death if he refused. Time resumed for the Mad Hatter. 
“Gladly.” 
The White Rabbit’s groaning grew louder. She didn’t think the queen would sit idly by as some interloper came in and stole away her lover. War was coming. And indeed, when the Queen of Hearts finally arrived, she did not take kindly to her Hatter being in the arms of another woman. Her eyes grew red with rage, and she ordered her card soldiers to attack Alice. However, Alice wasn’t going to give up her new prize that easily. 
The battle that ensued was so fierce it razed all of Wonderland to the ground. Poor White Rabbit even wrote a book about it once it was over. She titled it “Attack on Alice” and it was a bestseller. 
Arifureta Fairy Tales: The Match Sellers 
—The match-selling bunny girl 
“Does anyone need matches? Matches for saaale!” 
One harsh winter evening, a bunny girl wandered the streets selling matches. Her weak voice rang out through the snow, and her bunny ears drooped in the cold. 
“Someone please buy my matches! Doesn’t anyone need matches?” 
She’d already spent half the day walking the streets peddling her wares. She was so numb from the cold that she could barely walk. Her cries were practically a plea for help. 
“Why won’t anyone lend this poor bunny girl their ear... I’m so, so cold.” 
The bunny girl ducked into a nearby alley, hoping to get out of the wind and snow. But the dark, dingy alley provided no succor for her frozen heart. 
“Sniffle... At this rate, I’ll freeze to death. I guess I should use one of my matches to warm me up.” 
The bunny girl took out one of her matches. Just as she was about to light it, she noticed someone staring at her. A white-haired boy with an eye patch was looking at her from the main street. Thinking she might finally have found a customer, the bunny girl called out to him. 
“Would you like to buy a match!?” 
The boy looked at her as if he were staring at some strange creature and said, “Aren’t you cold? You’re shivering.” 
Of course I’m cold! I’m freezing to death here! So buy my freaking matches! The bunny girl once again tried to sell her wares to the boy. 
“How about you put on some clothes?” 
Indeed, despite the fact that it was the dead of winter, the bunny girl was dressed in a very skimpy outfit. That outfit was the main reason most of the villagers avoided her. 
The scantily-clad bunny girl’s eyes opened wide in surprise. 
“How did I never realize!” 
I can just wear more layers! Her ears shot up.

—The match-selling perverted dragon 
It was evening, in the dead of winter. A beautiful older woman shuffled down the street, carrying a basket full of matches. 
“Ugh, I was unable to sell any matches today as well.” 
She hung her head, and a few people spared her pitying glances. 
“It’s far too cold out tonight. I suppose I have no choice but to light these matches to warm myself.” 
The woman stepped into an alleyway and lit one of her matches. The fire’s gentle light warmed her frozen hands. However, the fire lasted only a brief moment before going out. The woman groaned. It seemed she would have to do what she would rather not. 
“Ascend in a swirling vortex of crimson fire... Blaze Tempest!” 
A burning pillar of fire erupted in front of the woman. She hadn’t wanted to use magic, but it was too cold not to. Don’t ask why someone who could use fire magic was selling matches. Finally warm, the woman let out a contented sigh. 
“I found her! She’s over there! You do this every night, you crazy pyromaniac! I’m taking you in! Men, tie her up!” 
“Wh-What!?” 
A horde of angry policemen surrounded the match-selling pyromaniac. The woman tried to run, but one of the policemen, a young, white-haired boy with an eye patch, grabbed her and started spanking her. Despite being punished, she looked oddly happy. 
Remember kids, if you start fires in the middle of a city, you’re likely to get arrested. So don’t be an arsonist.

—The match-selling vampire princess 
“Do you want to buy some matches? You do, right? You absolutely want these matches.” 
It was a cold, windy night, and there was a girl pushing matches onto anyone who passed by. She had golden-blonde hair, red eyes, and a stunning figure. Most of the men nearby were more interested in her than her matches. However, if you didn’t buy her matches, this beautiful girl would crush your balls. As most people weren’t interested in exploring the world of extreme masochism, they gladly bought her matches. Thanks to that, the vampire girl did booming business. 
Even women weren’t spared this girl’s wrath. 
“Want some matches?” 
“Huh? No, I don’t really...” 
“......” The girl stared pointedly at a mother until she finally gave in. 
“I-I’ll take a box.” 
“......” 
“I-I mean two boxes... no, three boxes, please...” 
“Good. Thank you for your purchase.” 
The poor woman bought a box for each of her kids as well. At least the children seemed excited to have matches to play with. As the lady walked away, the vampire girl spotted her next mark, a white-haired boy wearing an eye patch. He struck a rather handsome figure, or so the girl thought. 
“Would you like to buy some match— Actually, would you like to buy me?” 
She suddenly changed what she was selling. Most people would be suspicious of a girl claiming to sell herself. The boy sensed that this girl was up to something and quickly walked away. 
“Would you like to buy me?” 
Unfortunately, he was unable to escape.

—The match-selling demon 
“W-Would you like to buy some matches?” 
A girl stood at the corner of the street, selling matches. She seemed somewhat flustered. 
At a glance, it seemed she was just desperate for customers. However, her gaze wasn’t focused on the people milling about, but at a spot further down the street. In fact, she made no motion to offer her matches to the people walking past her. 
Suddenly, the match-seller hid behind a nearby lamppost. Blushing, she peeked out behind it to stare at that same spot down the street. She was acting extremely suspicious. A passing child pointed to her and said, “Look mommy, it’s that girl again. She’s always standing there...” 
“Shh! Don’t look at her. Don’t talk to her, either! She’s a stalker!” 
The match-seller didn’t even notice she was being insulted. 
Finally, the boy the match-selling stalker was waiting for appeared. He had white hair and wore an eye patch. 
“I-I can do this! Today’s finally the day I’ll sell him a match and confess to him!” 
There was no particular reason that she needed to sell him a match to confess, but she was too panicked to realize that. 
“Hm? Wait? What’s this? He’s not alone?” 
As she was pumping herself up, the match-selling stalker noticed something. Upon closer inspection, she noticed that there was another match-seller girl hanging off the boy’s arm. The match-selling stalker’s face went blank. The light went out of her eyes. Her nervousness forgotten, she marched boldly up to the white-haired boy. 
“Hm? Who’re you?” 
“That’s what I want to know. I’m the only match-seller he needs.” 
“Oh? So you say you’re the only match-seller worthy of him? Let me show you just how fleeting your life is. You’ll vanish faster than a match’s flame.” 
Why the two of them were so hung-up on being match-sellers was something no one knew. The two of them struck grandiose poses. A giant thunder dragon appeared behind one match-seller while a demonic swordsman with a frightening mask appeared behind the other. 
“Fufufufufufufu.” 
“Ahahahahahaha.” 
Their ominous laughter rang out through the streets. There would surely be a fierce blizzard tonight. Oh, and the white-haired boy had long since run home.