By the Grace of the Gods (LN) - Volume 8 - Chapter 36

Chapter 5 Episode 36: Follow-Up #4—New Ingredient

“Over here. Check it out.”

Pioro had personally shown me to the warehouse of the Saionji company. Employees stationed there opened the heavy door for us, and we made our way through the dimly lit alleyways created by the stacks and stacks of merchandise to arrive at an enormous steel cage holding a flock of about thirty gigantic chickens. Pioro had tipped me off about these chickens and the eggs they would lay. Eggs are, of course, highly nutritious, particularly protein-wise. Considering the longer journey ahead through the Sea of Trees of Syrus, where food would be hard to come by, having some chickens to provide me with a steady supply of eggs would probably be a lifesaver. Chickens, compared to other livestock, required less space and care. The fact that they could be kept in a cage or a coop worked to my advantage too.

There was one glaring question on my mind, though. Pioro had already told me that the chickens would be large. While that was confirmed when I came face to face with the flock, I couldn’t help but wonder—how could each of them be the same size as me?

“These are a bit different from the chickens I’d imagined,” I admitted.

“I was pretty surprised myself. Thought I was gonna end up with normal chickens.”

Thank the divine realm that these aren’t normal chickens in this world.

“These guys are called ‘clever chickens.’ They’re a birdlike monster, and, well, basically giant chickens. They lay eggs just like any other chicken, but both males and females lay multiple eggs a day, so they’ll net you a lot more by comparison. If you keep these in your Dimension Home, you’ll be able to have all-you-can-eat eggs whenever you want.”

“That sounds great, but I’ll save the celebrations until after I’ve heard the downsides.” Pioro was talking about these chickens like they were a burden somehow, and the employees we’d passed on our way in gave us some pretty odd looks.

Pioro obviously didn’t mean to keep any information in earnest, as he started listing the cons. “First off, they can put up a fight. You’ll see they have muscular legs and sharp claws. One of them’s a D-rank monster, and they’re considered to be C-rank in a flock. You’ll have to be able to protect yourself if you want to keep them, but that won’t be a problem for you, Ryoma. Besides, they like living in flocks, so that should work well for you. If you just sign a familiar contract and communicate with them, they might be easier to take care of than normal chickens.”

“I’m with you so far.”

“Good. Next is their feed. They mostly eat grains and bugs, but they’ll hunt other stuff if they need to. They aren’t too picky, but you gotta feed them at least triple what you’d feed a normal chicken.”

“Can I feed them plants grown with wood magic and scavenger fertilizer?”

“As long as it’s edible and not poisonous, you’re good. Wild flocks can even feed on goblins. When you’re in the sea of trees, just feed them any meat from monsters that come at you.”

That didn’t sound like too much trouble for me. I was already planning to start growing the slime feed that Elise had recommended anyway.

“But the biggest problem is,” Pioro continued, “they’ve got half a brain.”

He proceeded to explain that wild clever chickens would lay large quantities of unfertilized eggs as decoys. In the event of an attack, the flock would coordinate to fend off the attackers, protecting their nest and eggs. If they decided that they stood no chance against the attackers, they would swiftly abandon their nest and the unfertilized eggs, taking only the fertilized eggs with them. Apparently, they understood the value of their eggs in the eyes of other predators. They only seemed to become smarter as they were domesticated, and started to understand that humans were only after the unfertilized eggs; clever chickens raised in captivity would apparently even start to understand some human words. So, if they were unsatisfied with their treatment as livestock, i.e. the quality of their food or comfort of their bedding, they stopped laying eggs; they understood full well that humans had little to gain from killing them.

“So they negotiate their terms...?”

“I wouldn’t call it negotiation; throwing a tantrum seems more apt. Smart as they are, they’re still chickens. I suppose they think they’ll get treated better if they refuse to lay eggs just to stick it to their owners. Sometimes it works, like if the owner hadn’t been keeping up with them, or if they’re sick or something. Worst case scenario, they’ll think that the more they gripe, the better they’ll be treated, so they’ll refuse to eat the same feed and whatnot. Kinda like some entitled shopper with nothing better to do.”

“That sounds like a hassle.”

“And these ones, well, they’re almost at that stage... They came from an ex-adventurer I’ve worked with before, who wanted me to take them off his hands before they got out of hand.”

“So they’re not entirely unreasonable? You said a minute ago that they got out of hand.”

“Well, about that... See that black-and-white chick in the middle of the flock?”

Amidst a little group of six chicks, there was one with black skin and white down. Was that a silkie in the otherwise entirely yellow flock?

“Looks the same, except for its color,” I noted.

“That one’s a ‘genius chicken.’ A super-rare advanced species of the clever chicken. They’re smarter than clever chickens, so when one’s born in a flock, it grows up to be their leader... That little one, though, is already the leader of this flock.”

I asked for details, and Pioro explained how when clever chickens were bred in captivity through multiple generations, there had been a few reports of a genius chicken taking the reins of the flock shortly after its birth. And when that happened the flock usually became highly entitled... I figured that was what came of a newborn making decisions for a whole group. Each of them would act like a noble, coddled and fed with a silver spoon from birth. The more I learned about these chickens, the more human they seemed to be.

“To be fair, their ex-owner had other flocks too. If he hadn’t separated the flocks like this, they could have impacted those other flocks.”

“You mean they’d get jealous if this flock started getting special treatment...?”

The former owner of the flock had decided to get rid of the problem flock sooner rather than later, and sold them to the Saionji company for their meat in order to try and recover his losses somewhat. It seemed like a necessary and appropriate decision for someone who made his living by raising chickens, albeit monster ones.

“They can be tough to deal with, but they definitely pay off when it comes to the eggs they lay. If you think you can handle them, take them. Otherwise, I was hoping you’d help me get rid of them. Most of my butchers aren’t good fighters, and I wanted to bleed the meat with your bloody slimes, especially since they’re young enough to lay eggs.”

“So that’s why you knocked on my door.”

Since livestock required a lot of time and nourishment until they were large enough to sell for meat, it was rather inefficient to raise livestock for the sole purpose of butchering them. Chickens and cows too old to lay eggs or produce milk were often sold for meat, but outside of livestock being raised in a specific way to become delicacies for the rich, most of them were kept around for their production of eggs or milk. Naturally, if Pioro had no choice but to butcher them, he would consider it a waste not to make the most of that young meat.

“Should I try signing a familiar contract to make that decision?”

“They seemed to understand us a bit already. Try walking over and talking to it. And don’t be humble, Ryoma; be assertive, and put them in their place. Talk directly to the leader.”

“Got it.”

I walked up to the cage close enough to touch it, and all the eyes within it were already fixed on me. “We need to have a talk about what to do with you. Step forward if you are the leader of this flock,” I said assertively.

The clever chickens remained calm and quiet as the black-and-white chick slowly emerged from the group, hopping its small body one foot at a time. It was only slightly bigger than a regular chick, and its cotton-like crest gave it a very adorable appearance.

“You’re the leader?”

The chick chirped in response. I took it as confirmation.

“I want to sign a familiar contract with you, so we can communicate better.”

I waited for it to chirp again, then signed a contract.

Release us, human!

It felt dramatically different from communicating with slimes or limour birds, enough to surprise me. While I still thought that I was more compatible with the slimes, I wondered if the higher intelligence of the chicken made its thoughts seem more clear.

“Let’s start with introductions. I’m Ryoma Takebayashi. What’s your name?”

You are not worthy of knowing my name, human!

I may have gotten ahead of myself by assuming we would be on the same page. What we had here was failure to communicate.

“Listen. The way things are going, you’re going to end up on a human’s plate as food. Don’t you want to hear me out?”

If you want to talk, let us free! Or else, you enter this cage, human!

I translated the demand to Pioro. “Could you let me in?” I added.

He called over the same employee from before, who must have been in charge of the warehouse.

“Are you sure you want to let this kid inside, President...?”

“He’ll be fine. Besides, he’s the one who asked, so go ahead and unlock it already.”

“Y-Yes, sir...” Reluctantly, he unlocked the door to the cage.

Once I walked a few steps in, the adult clever chickens swiftly surrounded me, and the leader positioned itself opposite of me.

For a human, you’ve got gall.

“Thanks. Now, can we talk?”

Very well! What do you want?

I stood there for a moment contemplating the juxtaposition between the chick’s tiny body and its massive attitude. “Like I said, you’re all going to be butchered soon. But if you promise to lay eggs for me, I can take you all in and save you from that fate. I’ll provide you with food and shelter too.”

Just like the other humans. Very well. For each of us, we want a full container as large or larger than us with the best wheat available. Mix in corn and other grains—the best corn and grains, naturally! Our bedding will be sunny, and have fragrant soil with delicious worms...

The chick continued to rattle off detailed and extravagant expectations with the same attitude. Many of the terms were things I couldn’t fulfill during any outings to dangerous locations, even if I wanted to. It was clear to me that this was a no-deal situation.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think we can work this out...”

Wait! Are you serious?!

“I couldn’t possibly meet all your demands.”

Imbecile! You’re supposed to go highball first, then find a middle ground! That’s negotiation 101!

Evidently this chicken was now my Professor of Negotiations.

“Well, then let’s talk about the conditions that I can meet.”

What can you promise us...?

As prompted, I listed some things I could provide. Firstly, when I was nearby, they could live free-range (i.e. outdoors) inside the abandoned mine, in a specific location which would be discussed later, in addition to any shelter for rain and sun as needed. Secondly, when I did need to travel, they would be given their own space in the Dimension Home. Thirdly, their feed would be made up of average-quality products I could purchase through the Tamer’s Guild or make myself; portions would be negotiated later. And finally, in exchange for all that, I would take any unfertilized eggs they produced.

I concluded by saying, “I have no intention of providing anything more than that. This is, quite frankly, the most I can provide. I could give you more ideas, but I won’t be able to follow through on any of them. Are we clear? The ball’s in your court now.”

This is blackmail! We will not cave to threats and gaslighting!

Puk-puk-puk-puk-puk-pukah!

The leader went ballistic, accompanied by the clicking of their beaks by the surrounding clever chickens.

“President, we have to get him out of there!” the employee cried. I couldn’t blame him, since he was watching a child about to get mauled by a flock of monstrous chickens.

Cluckers, rise up!

Puk-puk-puk-puk-puk-pukah!

With the leader’s every call, the flock grew louder and more forceful. Just as I had given up on continuing the negotiations, I heard the leader scream inside my head, and the clever chickens immediately fell quiet. For some reason, all of them spread their wings and bowed low to the ground in unison, almost like they were kowtowing; there wasn’t a shred of animosity left in their demeanor.

Please please please please don’t kill us please please please please please please help us please please please please please please...

“What’s going on?! Wh-What happened?!” I didn’t seem to be in physical danger anymore, but I wasn’t following this turn of events.

“Uh, Ryoma? Don’t know if you noticed, but you had quite an ominous aura about you, and one hell of a look in your eyes to boot. Just like you did during the match the other day.”

Just like my little tussle with Ox...? I see how it is now.

Just as I’d lost all hope for the negotiations, I’d evidently slipped into a similar state as I had before. This habit of subconscious intimidation was something I really needed to work on, but right now I had more pressing issues to deal with.

“Try chilling out a little,” I simply stated.

Yes, Sir!

The leader, and the rest of the chickens, leapt to military attention.

“Now, can we continue the discu—”

Yes! Oh, yes! Of course, yes! Wow, you must be super strong, sir, we weren’t expecting that, wow...

“Drop the brown-nosing! You’re freaking me out!” I was having a hard time handling the complete 180 the chickens had pulled, right down to rubbing their hands (well, feathers) together like a dodgy used car salesman.

It worked when the other human did it!

Apparently, it was a habit of their ex-owner’s or something. Seems like these chickens had picked up more than just a few words from humans.

“Just drop it. Can we talk normally?”

Y-Yes... But you know, sir... Our mission is civil disobedience...

“Have you forgotten what you were doing a minute or two ago?”

Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

“Don’t give me that. You’re not that much of a bird-brain.” Come on, you smartass chicken, I thought. Look me in the eyes! And where’d they even hear about Gandhi’s motto, anyway?

“You’re nothing if not good at knocking the wind out of people’s sails, at least... If you don’t accept those terms, though, you’re going right to the butchers. We can’t expect them to let you go free and take the loss.”

No, no, that wasn’t an outright refusal. Just, well, you know... Uh, that is to say...

I was almost impressed by the chick’s stubbornness, but then I noticed that the clever chickens were in a discussion (if one could call it that) amongst themselves.

“What are they talking about?” I asked the leader.

Um... They’re talking about offering eggs instead, or turning me over...

“Oof.” So the chickens were starting to cut off their newborn leader.

They’re always like this... I’ve barely been alive for long, and they put me up to be the leader because I happened to win a battle of wits. “We can’t go wrong with the smartest one as our leader,” they’d say. They expect me to solve all of their problems and complain about everything to me all the time, and it’s all my fault if something goes wrong... They don’t understand anything I teach them. They’re not as smart as humans think they are...

I didn’t know why, but I felt like I was going to tear up, and I started to understand how I could comprehend his intentions so clearly. That being said, I was being honest with my conditions for herding them, so they really were going to end up on a plate if they refused... Maybe they’d be fried, grilled, or fricasseed... Or stewed with potatoes? Would they be better deep-fried with tartar sauce, or just roasted whole? Maybe even a fake Peking duck would be...

I’m sorry, so please stop listing off ways to cook us. The leader, this time alone, had reverted to its groveling state.

“Will you be my livestock now?”

I don’t have much choice, and I feel like you understand my struggle a little... If you could at least make our environment decent enough that they won’t start complaining right away...

“All right. I’ll try my best!”

Thank you, sir...

I now had a genius chicken weathered beyond its age, and its flock of twenty-six clever chickens for familiars. Their supply of eggs would be very welcome, but I felt a bit of a void in my heart...