3
“Ahh! Crap! Why did a traffic jam have to happen at this damn moment!?”
Shidou resignedly hauled the heavy shopping bag as he plodded along the way home.
He had previously planned to take public transportation and hurry back, but as luck would have it, a road accident had occurred somewhere during the journey and blocked all the bus routes, leaving Shidou helplessly stranded. If he had continued waiting for the hindering obstructions to clear, he would have needed to waste an extensive amount of valuable time before eventually arriving at home. Shidou had no choice but to alight and depend on his two legs.
An encounter between the Spirits and his parents was already inevitable.
Nevertheless, the Spirits staying at the Itsuka residence were all kindhearted and well-behaved children. They would definitely acquaint themselves with his parents, no doubt about that. Surely they would not seize Shidou’s parents and imperil them.
The most ideal outcome would be for his parents to somehow believe that the Spirits were Kotori’s friends. Yet, Shidou was blithely unaware of what might become of such a mild scenario.
The one and only deed he could carry out now was to return home as early as possible while vigilantly keeping a lookout for the Spirits and his parents. In the worst case scenario, before the Spirits spouted some sort of confidential secret that could turn out to be severely fatal. The best Shidou could do was to divert the topic of conversation. Until then, he had to——
“……?!”
Shidou abruptly ceased his actions.
As for why he suddenly did so, that was a normal maneuver when faced with a female who had tumbled over in front of him.
“A-Are you okay?”
“O-Ouch~, my ankle is sprained… Eh? Itsuka-kun?”
“Tama-chan? My mistake, Tama-sensei!”
Recognizing the woman’s face, Shidou broadened his eyes wide and round. The female who had toppled onto the ground was Shidou’s homeroom teacher, Okamine Tamae, generally called Tama-chan. Not only that, but she looked especially beautiful with her manner of dressing de nos jours, her make-up was unusually thick, and she was wearing unnaturally high-heeled shoes, which had resulted in her fal at the beginning.1
“What are you doing in a place like this? And your attire…”
“Itsuka-kun!”
After only a little over half of Shidou’s words had been blurted out, Tama-chan immediately caught hold of his hands.
“Wa! W-What’s wrong!”
“P-Please, bring me to the Ni-ch?me Union Buildings!” 2
“Eh?”
The blunt invitation caught Shidou off guard, eliciting an odd noise from the boy.
1. The postpositive adjective ‘de nos jours’ means current or relatively recent 2. Shinjuku Ni-ch?me (?) refers to colloquially as Ni-ch?me or simply Nich?, is an LGBT area in the Shinjuku District of the Shinjuku Special Ward of Tokyo, Japan.
“I-Is there something going on there?”
“A wedding ceremony!”
“I-I see…”
Tama-chan’s hell-bent aura raided him like a furious onslaught, forcing Shidou to retreat a step back.
“This party is restricted to men with annual incomes of more than eight million yen, so the competition is ultra-high! Since only women in their twenties are allowed entry, this is my last chance!! I can’t fail here! It would be a disservice to my comrades’
sacrifices!!!”
Tama-chan desperately implored while her watery eyes brimmed with tears.
Perspiration beaded atop Shidou’s forehead as he contemplated on how to break it to her.
“I’m sorry, but I have something really urgent right now…”
“…If you can’t bring me there, then I’ll just have to marry Itsuka-kun…”
“Guh…”
Tama-chan threateningly told Shidou using a dark, demonic voice, generating a cold chill which briskly travelled down his trembling spine like a bat out of hell.
From their present location, the Union Buildings were approximately a ten-minute walk in the opposite direction of the Itsuka residence. Every time he thought of his parents soon engaging the Spirits, Shidou deemed that the slight detour would only serve to squander even more time in vain.
However, he simply could not leave her in that pitiful state. Shidou uttered a loud cry and piggybacked Tama-chan.
“…Mine ears catch the susurrations of purgatorial spectres…”
Kaguya harped on while drenched in cold sweat. Although everyone else was unable to make any meaningful sense of that bizarre verse of hers, they all knew it signified that they had done something disastrously appalling and atrocious.
Despite whatever the phrase implicitly meant, that was the unanimous thought continuously reiterating within the Spirits’ heads.
Now, Tohka and the others were hiding in the shadow of the bar and secretly holding a meeting. Their expressions were also identical - full of guilt and repentance.
But that was a matter of course. Even if they had been completely uninformed, the Spirits had put Shidou’s and Kotori’s parents in terribly sore straits.
“I had no idea that Shidou’s parents had came home…”
“If I recall correctly… weren’t they on a trip overseas?”
Yup yup. I think they were working in some electronic industry? ?
In response to Tohka’s sentence, Yoshino and Yoshinon nodded their heads in agreement.
“Hm~… and apprehending them on first sight, how awful~.”
Miku supported her chin with her finger and commented so. Almost straight away, the Yamai sisters, who had been the ones to subdue the couple, invariably exposed a restless countenance on their ashen faces.
“T-Tis damnation, we are curséd! A scarce prospect overexerted with overconfident CQC…” 1
“Approval. In addition to subduing them with a method utilized for suppressing armed opponents.”
A dejected look resurfaced on Kaguya’s and Yuzuru’s faces as they finished speaking. What they had executed was indeed very exquisite and unique, undeniably the culmination of intense training and practice. The contest this time had probably been capture techniques.
Hearing the twins confess, Origami closed her eyes and gently swayed her head.
“Kaguya and Yuzuru have committed an unforgivable act. They have left a bottomless scar in the Itsukas’ hearts.”
“O-Off with my head…”
“Reticence. What ought we to do…?”
1. CQC stands for close quarters combat
“No, even the gravest trauma cannot compare to what you did…”
Natsumi gazed in Origami’s direction with a half-glance and said so. The other Spirits issued numerous interjections of ‘uh-huh’ in endorsement.
“This isn’t the time for blaming each other.”
“Um, I didn’t mean to point fingers…”
Although Natsumi had intended to speak out more of her opinion, she decided that it was uncalled for, bearing their situation in mind.
“Seriously though, what kind of aftermath have we created?”
Tohka asked as a disturbed look emerged on her face. Natsumi replied in a sophisticated manner.
“…Well , since they’re Shidou’s parents, they are the owners of this house. If we’ve enraged them, don’t hope to even take a step in this place like we use to anymore.”
“H-How can this be!”
“That’s not the end of it. If they tell Shidou and Kotori Never see those ruffians ever again……”
“……!”
“Forgive me, everyone… but I can’t get along with people who would use violence against my parents.”
“A-Ahh…”
In spite of Natsumi having a tendency of mentioning excessively negative things, Tohka still couldn’t help but utter a sad lament.
“I-I don’t want that! What should we do!?”
Miku complacently crossed her arms as she listened to Tohka’s sorry plight.
“—I have an idea~.”
“Y-You do?”
Miku nodded her head a few times to show affirmation.
“Our first impression on Darling’s parents, though quite regrettably, is undoubtedly the worst. Even so, if we leave better impressions in the future, won’t everything work out then?”
“B-Better impressions…?”
How, specifically? ?
Yoshino and Yoshinon racked their brains while probing. In reply, Miku raised a finger and answered.
“In a nutshell , a Japanese-style welcoming.”
“W-Welcoming?”
“Correct. Father and mother had undergone a long-distance flight, so they must be exhausted. If we bring them the best welcoming possible from our hearts, we can surely increase our reputations in their hearts.”
Absorbing Miku’s speech, a new ray of hope sparkled within the Spirits’ eyes.
“Alright, let’s do this!”
“M-Me too…”
Yoshinon too! ?
“Kuku… not bad. I’ll let you experience my infernal welcoming finesse!”
“Consent. Leave it to Yuzuru.”
“Um, I’m fine with anything… if that’s what everyone wants.”
“No objections.”
After confirming everybody’s acknowledgement, Miku gestured with her head.
“It’s happily decided then. In that case—let our battle begin!”
“……”
“T-Tatsu-kun, are you okay?”
“What about you? Do your arms hurt?”
Haruko and Tatsuo were mutually confirming the other’s safety in quiet whispers.
The couple, who had just been liberated a few moments ago, were sitting together on the living room sofa, albeit with still tense nerves.
However, their utter inability to loosen their fatigue could not be helped. After all, the mysterious girls, who were forcefully occupying their house, were currently hiding themselves behind the counter and discussing covert matters.
“Those girls… where did they come from?”
Tatsuo said so with a perplexed expression.
“They appear to be Shidou’s and Kotori’s friends… what relationship do they have though?”
“Ordinary friends, I guess? Maybe Shidou asked them to look after the house, and we happened to be back. They had probably mistaken us to be burglars and captured us…”
“…Do you really think that girls nowadays would undergo military hand-to-hand combat practice, be skilled in manipulating knives, and even have knowledge of interrogation torture techniques? Those girls are obviously not your typical kids.”
“Well , that’s true. They don’t look so bad to me…”
Towards Tatsuo’s blissfully ignorant statement, Haruko could only shake her head.
Without any sense of danger like always. Although he was an outstanding engineer, Tatsuo could be said to be totally incompatible with society and oblivious to humankind’s malice. In brief, he was a super goody two shoes. As a matter of fact, if Haruko had not held him back, Tatsuo would have been swindled countless of times.
Well , she did find this aspect of him to be exceptionally cute.
“…Anyway, it’s too risky to stay here any longer. We should find an opportunity to escape.”
“Hm, if Haru says so.”
Tatsuo mumbled, still unsuspecting.
“Good. Let’s try to slip away as quietly as possible.”
Haruko and Tatsuo arched their backs in an effort to minimise the sounds of their footsteps and tiptoed towards the corridor.
However, at that moment.
“——It’s done!”
Just when the couple was on the other side of the counter—a clamorous shout reverberated from the kitchen, and a girl simultaneously approached them while carrying a huge plate in her hands.
Afterwards, when the girl pushed open the door and looked towards the two, she was dumbfounded and tilted her head.
“Muu? What’s wrong, Shidou’s mommy and daddy? Are you two going anywhere?”
“Ahh, un. We were escap—”
“N-No, nothing! Just doing some light exercises!”
Haruko amplified the volume of her voice in order to enfold Tatsuo’s overly honest answer. Although honesty is the best policy, this particular principle being Haruko’s favorite, now was not the time for manners or etiquette. If their plans had been exposed, who knows what would happen to them.
“Muu, is that so?”
Nonetheless, the other party seemed to be as innocent as Tatsuo, as if she completely trusted Haruko’s improvised fabrication.
“So… about that.”
“My name is Tohka. Yatogami Tohka.”
“Tohka-chan, is something wrong?”
Tohka strongly nodded with an ‘Umu!’ and placed the large dish on the table.
“I heard that if I make these myself, you’ll be very welcomed and happy. You two must be hungry after a long trip! Please feel free to eat these!”
Tohka motioned towards the plentiful items on the plate. Haruko and Tatsuo could only follow with surprised expressions.
“These are… handmade onigiri?”1
Even though they were somewhat out of shape, those were certainly handmade rice-balls - warm cooked rice moulded into a triangle and wrapped with dried seaweed.
On the contrary, beads of sweat gradually dripped from Haruko’s face. The reason was straightforward. Each of these handmade onigiris couldn’t even be held on a fully spread palm. They were extra-large-sized onigiris.
“Please, don’t be shy!”
Tohka urged them as she covered her face with a sunny smile. Haruko forced a grin as her face convulsed slightly.
Then, the completely contrasting counterpart of hers, Tatsuo, readily put his palms together.
“Aah, thanks for your troubles. Let’s eat—”
“Wait, Tatsu-kun.”
“Eh? What’s the matter, Haru?”
Tatsuo was bewildered at the sudden warning. Although Haruko felt that his reaction was a bit adorable, her personal opinion didn’t take precedence over their predicament. Haruko edged closer towards Tatsuo’s ears so that her voice would be inaudible to Tohka.
“We haven’t figured out who these girls are yet, let alone what could be inside this onigiri. Eating this without any prior caution is extremely dangerous.”
“Goodness, aren’t you overthinking it? This girl doesn’t look that bad either, and it wouldn’t be polite to refuse something she has offered.”
1. Onigiri (お握り) a Japanese food made from white rice formed into triangular or cylinder shapes and often wrapped in nori (seaweed).
“No, that’s… Nnn, true.”
Haruko attempted to refute her husband’s courtesy but immediately swallowed her rebuttal back down her throat. Above all , having been a couple for so many years, she knew well about the headstrong Tatsuo’s stubbornness when it came to these things.
“I understand. But I get the first bite, okay?”
Haruko demanded unyieldingly. It wasn’t to ensure that the food was safely edible, but to protect Tatsuo since she thought that if he were to taste first, he would gobble it down in a single mouthful even if something inside had tasted fishy.
Tatsuo smiled as if he didn’t know the slightest bit about Haruko’s intentions.
“Oh, so you wanted to pick first? I guess that part of you is cute too, Haru. Sure, go ahead.”
“Un… Thanks, Tatsu-kun.”
A feeble feeling of helplessness interweaved with a distant joy of being praised as cute, causing Haruko to expose a complicated smile.
Haruko lightly coughed once in order to retrieve the atmosphere and turned her body towards Tohka.
“Well , if you don’t mind, Tohka-chan.”
“Umu! Here you go!”
Tohka prompted with sheer vigour. Haruko gulped down her saliva out of nervousness instead of appetite and extended her hands to grasp one of the onigiris laid out in front of her. For the sake of affirming its contents, Haruko gently pried the rice-ball open from the middle.
“This is… bonito, cod, tuna… uh, and a big heap of et cetera.”
“Umu! I didn’t know which one to use, so I put everything in! Ah, but don’t worry. I didn’t put any plums, because those are… um, sour.”
Tohka assumed a bitter expression as if she had sampled something acidic. It was as Tatsuo had stated - ‘This girl doesn’t look that bad.’
Be that as it may, they must not be negligent in regard to precautionary measures.
Haruko took a sniff of the onigiri’s savoury fragrance with her nose to guarantee that there were no foreign odors, and she took a bite of it afterwards.
“…Tastes like… a normal onigiri.”
“How is it?”
“Un, d-delicious.”
Receiving Haruko’s thumbs up, Tohka’s face brightened cheerfully.
“Uu… that was going a bit overboard.”
“Haha… we’ll be able to eat more in the future.”
Haruko and Tatsuo, who had fainted owing to ingesting too much food, were currently lying flat on the bed located in their bedroom.
Speaking of which, the onigiris of which the two had not been endowed with the capacity to partake had been cleanly finished off by Tohka in the blink of an eye. The reason why she had shown a dispirited expression was revealed to be rationally pardonable. Conforming to her standards and criteria, Haruko and Tatsuo had only eaten a meagre helping of onigiris and coldly left the remaining untouched.
“A-Are you okay, um, Shidou’s mommy and daddy?”
“Forcing oneself is detrimental…”
In the course of their rest, another person’s voice resounded from beside the couple.
Shifting their line of sight allowed them to see two girls with petite and delicate figures standing there.
One of the girls had a rabbit puppet draped over her hand; she appeared to be especially amicable. The other girl, however, displayed an unaffectionate expression and boldly stared at the couple with unhappy, displeased eyes.
If memory served them right, their names were—Yoshino and Natsumi. Previously, these two had substituted with Tohka and carried Haruko and Tatsuo to the bedroom.
“…Ahh, I’m fine.”
“Un, we just ate a bit too much.”
Hearing Haruko’s and Tatsuo’s replies, the two girls exhaled a breath.
Discerning the two’s appearances, Haruko’s formerly taut nerves slightly slackened.
The girls were as Tatsuo had said - not bad people.
“Yoshino-chan and Natsumi-chan, right? Are you two friends with Koto-chan, no, Kotori?”
Yoshino and Natsumi gave off a rather ambiguous tone and answered in low voices after perceiving Haruko’s question.
“Yes… Kotori has taken care of us ever since before.”
“Ooh, really? Then, where is that girl now? Even if you’re very close friends, asking you to look after the house is too…”
“A-Ah, it’s not like that…”
Concerning Haruko’s doubt, Yoshino seemed to be somewhat incoherent. Although she wished to explain properly, Yoshino couldn’t find the right words to do so and thus resulted in that awkward situation.
As for Natsumi, in order to calm Yoshino down, she tenderly placed her hands on her shoulders.
“Natsumi-san…?”
“…It’s fine, wait for a little while.”
Natsumi then walked out of the room, leaving Yoshino alone.
After a few seconds, a girl entered the bedroom through the door into which Natsumi had disappeared.
Everybody had believed that it was Natsumi who had returned—but this proved to be false.
“Oh! Otou-san—, Okaa-san—, welcome back!”
“…! Koto-chan!?”
“Kotori!?”
Haruko and Tatsuo couldn’t refrain from calling out to the girl. With white ribbons, which tied her red hair into a pair of ponytails, and rounded eyes, she was undoubtedly Haruko’s and Tatsuo’s cherished daughter, Itsuka Kotori.
“Come on, you were at home? You should have appeared sooner.”
“Sorry—, I was busy. Anyway, didn’t I let my friends look after the house?”
Kotori let out an innocent look.
Despite their circumstances being unclear ever since they came back, the couple was relieved to see that their familiar daughter was there.
“Un… we’re home, Koto-chan.”
“Aah, it’s been a while, Kotori. Forgive us for not being able to return during your birthday.”
Tatsuo arduously and unhurriedly uprighted himself in order to embrace his daughter, and he extended his arms forward.
Watching the scene caused Haruko to feel extremely relaxed. Every time they returned to their home country, those two would always shout ‘Kotori—!’ and ‘Otou-san—!’ to each other and participate in a mutual bear hug, which developed the ever so growing rapport between them.
However.
“W-W-What are you doing!?”
In the split second before Tatsuo proceeded to hug her, Kotori’s cheeks flushed bright red, and she gave Tatsuo’s abdomen a powerful kick with her leg.
As the humongous onigiris had induced the swelling of his belly, Tatsuo could only yell ‘Ugaah!’ in a crestfallen manner when faced with the sudden attack.
“T-Tatsu-kun!? Koto-chan! What are you doing to your father! Don’t you two always hug each other when we come home?”
“…! Ah, no, this, that…”
Hearing Haruko’s words, Kotori froze up as if her previous kick was an instinctive reaction.
“G-Guuu…”
Tatsuo muffled his mouth using his hands with all his strength in order to restrain his vomiting reflex. The person between Tatsuo and Kotori, Yoshino, then opened her mouth to speak.
“P-Please wait a moment; I’ll go get some medicine…”
Yoshino departed from the room, accompanied by the pitter-patter of small footsteps.
“T-That…”
Kotori, being left behind, put on an embarrassed face and looked over to Tatsuo.
“I’m sorry, Otou-san—. I got shocked since it was too sudden…”
“No, it’s my fault.”
After he successfully controlled his overwhelming impulse to vomit, Tatsuo gave her a debilitated smile.
“Kotori’s fourteen years old now… she’s not a child anymore. Sob… Sob… I knew this day would come. Daddy’s fine…”
“T-Tatsu-kun…”
“Don’t worry… Eh… Why does everything look so blurry now…”
Tatsuo raised his head and gazed towards the ceiling to prevent his tears from flowing out.
Being able to see her father in such a heartbroken state, it was the first time since Kotori stopped taking a bath together with him and when he was seen through his Santa Claus disguise a few years ago.
“No, um, it’s not like that.”
Kotori scratched her cheek with a discombobulated expression.
Just then, the sounds of clumsy footsteps were transmitted through the hallway.
Following closely, Yoshino entered the room while carrying a glass of water and a medicinal pill using a tray.
“T-Thank you for waiting…”
Yoshinon has arrive—guh!?
The rabbit hand-puppet and Yoshino said so in concert. As a result of clasping the tray in its mouth, Yoshinon’s ventriloquially voice became somewhat obscured.
What consummate skill .
“Hyaa!”
However, owing to her being too flustered, Yoshino’s foot slipped halfway through her path, and the tray in her hands fluttered in midair as the tablets scattered all over the floor.
“Uahh!?”
The pure liquid contained in the glass splashed onto Haruko.
“Haa… Haa… really… I need to hurry or else…”
Shidou heavily panted for oxygen as he scampered down the road leading to his house.
After expending tremendous effort and strength, Shidou finally managed to prevail on the harassing Tonomachi, who had been pestering him like a pest. Though in reality, the specific method Shidou had resorted to was bribing the guy with a crab leg he fished out from his shopping bag. In spite of that being the case, the seesaw battle in which he had vied with Tonomachi had accomplished no more than greatly enlarging the distance between Shidou and his home, along with prolonging the already lengthy travel time de rigueur.
“Why now of all times?”
This very beleaguering predicament chased Shidou everywhere to the ends of the world, as if the malicious vixen Lady Luck had set her bewitching eyes on poor Shidou. What chance did he stand against preordained fate? The almighty gods were likely convulsed with uproarious laughter as they descried Shidou’s pathetic plight.
Yet he adamantly refused to renounce and abandon all grounds for hope. If Shidou were to cease his enervated pacing, the Spirits’ unintentionally maleficent verbalizations would indisputably smash his parents like endless blows.
For Shidou, who had been variously misunderstood by many of his classmates and neighbors in virtue of Ratatoskr’s rather unwarranted assistance, the last thing he wished to occur was being misapprehended by his own parents.
The foster parents that Shidou admiringly respected from the bottom of his heart had raised him up with care to be a fine young man. They have faith in him.
Shidou had to prevent them at all costs from viewing him as some sex criminal whose eclectic strike zone spanned from girls who were older than him to girls who were younger than his age.
No, they would probably comprehend Shidou’s actions. Even if they had misheard of their son’s history as a philanderer, Shidou’s parents wouldn’t pelt him with a farrago of pained reproaches or condemn him for the rest of his life. At most, they would in all likelihood wear dumbstruck faces and say, “Haha… I-Is that so?
Shidou is a boy, after all. But you mustn’t neglect those girls, kay?” or something similar.
However, considering the fact that Spirits were hidden existences, Shidou also couldn’t elaborate on that side of the debate. If worse became worst, Haruko and Tatsuo would return to the United States while harboring the concerned notion in their minds that their son had turned into a playboy. Shidou had absolutely no idea on what kind of mien he would feign when he confronted his parents in the future.
“If I don’t hurry back…”
Shidou extruded his voice from his throat, accelerating the speed at which he trotted a step further.
At that moment.
“…!”
Shidou abruptly stepped on the brakes.
A few meters in front of him, Shidou could discern the figures of three exceedingly familiar girls.
From left to right, standing abreast according to the sequence of their respective heights and sharing the same age as him, their names were Yamabuki Ai, Hazakura Mai, and Fujibakama Mii - the renowned trio of Shidou’s class.
Frankly, the situation incorporated merely his classmates walking together in front of him. Running past them would do.
However, for some reason, there lingered an ominous premonition that relentlessly irked him to avoid such an encounter and being seen.
“…”
Shidou silently shifted gears and began to make his way in another direction while muting the sounds of his footsteps. Although it would consume a little more time, taking a slight detour would lead to the same path towards his house.
In that instant…
“Hoho! Father, what eerie sinisterness!”
“What’s the matter, Kitarou?”1
“Ah! Back there! Itsuka-kun is walking down the street as if he has done some shameful deed!”
What!? ?
The trio turned their heads one after another, scaring Shidou til his shoulders trembled.
“Kuh…!”
“Ah! He’s escaping!”
1. Ge no Kitarrō (ゲゲゲの鬼太郎) is a manga series created in 1960 by Shigeru Mizuki. It is best known for its popularization of the folklore creatures known as y?kai,
“Ignominious fiend!”
“Children! Assemble, assemble!”
Ai, Mai, and Mii rotated their bodies about with quick reaction speeds and pursued the fleeing Shidou. Shidou couldn’t help but raise his voice and yell as he heard the supersonic paces behind his back.
“Why the hell are you three chasing me!!!”
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