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Chapter 9: Everlasting Friendship

 

The year Xu Wei Yu came back to China, he invited all my dorm mates from my dorm to eat.

The first thing our Dorm Leader said when she saw Xu Wei Yu was, “How come it wasn’t me who was born in the same village as you!?”

Xu Wei Yu politely replied, “Even if I was in the same village as you, we can only be brothers.”

“……”

Later the review our Dorm Leader gave for Xu Wei Yu was: “Has the maturity of a man and also the cuteness of a boy!”

I don’t know where she got that from.

 

A few days ago, my university Dorm Leader sent me a message: Finally dating!

A day later, she sent me another message: So of course I’m once again out of love!

I asked her for the reason why it was so fast.

She replied: He was together with me because he knew that my father was an official, his father also was one but his position was lower than my father. The reason he broke up with me was because my father is an official in the Anti-Corruption Bureau, does he really need to prove his father is a corrupt official so eagerly!?

“……”

 

My other good friend from university went to do plastic surgery. In the past, she kept calling herself the ‘Plastic Surgery Expert’. Later, she told me that she was going to chase after her past crush and complete her teenage dream.

I said: Looking forward to hearing the good news.

A day later, she told me that the other person accepted!

I said congratulations.

The girl said, “But I haven’t agreed!”

I asked for the reason, she sighed and said, “In the beginning I was amazed, completely because I’ve seen too little of the world.”

“…….”

 

Plastic Surgery Expert: “Xi Zi, I want to go get plastic surgery again!”

Before, she had plastic surgery  so that she could confess to her teenage crush and after later thinking that her past self was really stupid and naive, this girl is suddenly going on a whim again.

I said, “How come you can’t think properly again.”

“I just stared at myself in the mirror for a long time and realized that life has no meaning.”

“You’re in perfectly good condition, why do you want to destroy yourself?”

Expert: “……”

Me: “……”

Expert: “I just want to find some bright points that’s all!”

Me: “……Then you realize that everything is black (there are often black spots that appear on the sun’s surface)?”

“……”

“……”

 

During this period of time, I’ve been at home staying with family and I’ve rejected all invitations from friends to go out to play. This time, my good friend Lan Lan was going on a blind date and she wanted me to go across provinces to accompany her. She said that she wanted to use my quietness to show how well she talked and use my average height to bright out her 170cm model figure. I said okay ah. The main thing was that I also had some things to find her about.

The day after the blind date, Lan Lan called and said that it wasn’t successful, “The other person’s reason for rejecting was because he liked small and cute girls, I haven’t even complained that he’s too strong!”

Lan Lan said at the end, “Qing Xi, I reckon that person likes you.”

I said, “Didn’t you tell him that I’m a married woman?”

Lan Lan: “Could it be that out of comparison, I’m actually really robust? Crying, haven’t I already lost 10kg because I was provoked by you??”

I thought back to a year ago when her weight was still at 60kg, she hugged me and said, “When will I be 45kg ah?!”

“Lan Lan, your chest is squishing me”

“My chest is still below!!”

“……”

From then onward she became determined to improve herself and went from 60kg to 50kg in half a year.

Lan Lan: “It can’t be that love is inversely proportional to weight?”

I gave comfort, “Do you think that a small pig would like a weak and thin chicken? Of course it will definitely like a plump, simple and cute pig!”

“Why the hell haven’t I felt the slightest bit comforted then? Why the hell? Gu Qing Xi.”

“……”

I invited Dorm Leader, who was in the same city, out shopping.

In the middle, Dorm Leader’s phone rang. She looked at it but didn’t pick up.

I asked, “Why didn’t you pick it up?”

Dorm Leader replied, “Ex husband, there’s nothing to say.”

“……”

Not long after, Wei Yu called. At the time, my mind was a bit slow or something and I looked at the phone for a long time.

Dorm Leader asked, “Who is it?”

I swiftly replied, “Adulterer”

Dorm Leader froze then laughed out loud!


Later Xu Wei Yu came to pick me up.

The Dorm Leader waved to him from afar, “Adulterer Xu! Over here!”

Xu Wei Yu came over and glanced at Dorm Leader before looking at me and asking,, “Has this person gone crazy again?”

Dorm Leader chuckled, shaking with laughter.

On the way home, Xu Wei Yu asked, “What did she just call me?”

I calmly replied, “Brother in law.”

Xu Wei Yu made an “Oh” sound.

Then, Xu Wei Yu’s phone lighted up (text). He looked at it then frowned, then laughed, “Adulterer right?”

“……”

Dorm Leader, you can’t play like this!

 

One day, when I was eating dinner, Dorm Leader called, saying, “Broke up again!”

This girl frequently changes boyfriends, making me forget when did she started dating this time?

I was getting the rice while asking concerned, “How come you broke up again?”

Every time she broke up, the reasons were all very strange, making me both amused and surprised.

Dorm Leader: “When I was wearing a dress, he wore a hipster vest! When I wore hipster, he wore a suit! When I fucking bit my teeth and wore my bank uniform, he wore tshirt and jeans!  If you want to break up then just say it, what the hell is this, I broke up resolutely!”

“……”

 

This time before I left, a few good friends contacted me, all through very long texts with lists of makeup. I replied one by one: this time I’m going to Africa. There were no more replies.

I was dispirited, there are so many good things in Africa, other than makeup, don’t you guys have anything else to pursue?

Expert replied expressing everyone’s general thoughts: No.

 

On a whim, Dorm Leader wanted to come and eat with me. I said okay, she said to call Lan Lan too.

Lan Lan lived a 2 hour drive away from me, it wasn’t considered far and I haven’t seen her in a long time so I phoned her. Lan Lan immediately replied, “That’s great, I’ll come immediately! Freaking hell, I’m at a blind date ah, sister is really saving me from extreme misery!”

“……”

Lan Lan seemed to be walking back and I heard over the phone, “I can’t stay ah, my sister is giving birth, I must immediately go over there!”

“……”

Then Dorm Leader asked, “Should we call Expert too?”

I don’t know what kind of craziness Dorm Leader was going through today, Expert was in the South, if she flew over then there’s a possibility of arriving in two hours.

I asked Dorm Leader, “What did you do today? You couldn’t have caused some mess, eh, and want to leave us some last words right?”

Dorm Leader glared over, “Scorpios really go straight to the matter. It’s just that I had a nightmare last night and dreamed that the four of us were being hunted down and killed or injured, it was too terrible so today I must look at you guys alive!”

“……”

In the end, Expert naturally didn’t come. When Lan Lan came, Dorm Leader was in the living room playing games like mad.

Lan Lan looked and said, “Dorm Leader, how come you grew fatter again??”

Dorm Leader: “Too much stress at the bank ah.”

Lan Lan: “There’s lots of stress but you’re still fat?”

Dorm Leader fought the enemy while replying, “Ai, I’m growing in reverse.”

“……”

As long as the people from university get together, there will be a constant stream of jokes.

When we were eating, Dorm Leader asked Wei Yu, “Young Master Xu, are there anyone as handsome as you in your office?”

Wei Yu: “None.”

Dorm Leader was disappointed, “Anyone similar then?”

Wei Yu: “None.”

Dorm Leader was in despair, “Anyone opposite then?”

Wei Yu looked at her, “What exactly do you want to say?”

Dorm Leader gave a leery grin, “Master Xu, can you introduce someone to me ah?”

Wei Yu: “I’m not happy.”

Dorm Leader: “Why??”

Wei Yu: “Don’t want to harm anyone.”

“……”

 

High school girlfriend: “Seen the picture? A young lad my mom really approves of, she wants me to try dating him. I’ll go die instead! Does he look like an African? He looks too much like an African!!”
*[Sorry if anyone found this offensive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Me: “Actually Africans are all pretty handsome.”

Girlfriend: “Recently I’ve been tormented so much I’m about to break down! Yesterday I finally had enough and said to my mom, I don’t like men, I like women!”

I sweated, “Was your mom horrified?”

Girlfriend: “The problem is that she wasn’t ah, my mom was very calm, she said ‘oh’ and then she said, ‘then try dating him and see, the lad has a good job…’ She’s completely at different frequencies with me ah!”

Me: “Then what do you plan to do?”

Girlfriend: “I should just die!”

Sometimes when I think about it, those girls who are forced to go on blind dates truly don’t have it easy, really not easy, on one side is the concern of the family, on the other side is self persistence.  The pressure can only be imagined.

I often tell these frustrated friends, Wait a little more, wait a little more an he will come. But how much persuasiveness these words hold, we are all clear. Actually, this is also a kind of mental comfort. But I think that rather than casually marrying someone and regretting it later, it’s better to wait a little more, since you’ve already waited for him for more than twenty years.



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