“—There is no one left.”
I looked blankly at Naru’s snow white face. Naru smiled at me.
“Look closely.”
With that, his white fingers pointed towards one of the walls. I looked through and beyond the wall that he pointed towards.
I stared in front of me. Not only the walls and floors; everything around me was transparent. The outline of the dark school compound was connected by fine lines; there were many lights floating towards that place.
“There are many will-o’-the-wisps gathered in the tea room on the first floor.”
“Yeah, and can you see something else?”
“There are also flickering spirits floating around.”
Small, white will-o’-the-wisps floated around the first floor. On a count, there were 21 of them.
“And then?”
Naru asked me.
“There’s still something?”
“The other things?”
I studied my surroundings once more, and found a few bright lights.
Nearest to me, there was a light which glowed pink. I could see a figure inside the light – that was me, sitting in the corner.
In the next classroom there was a pale red glow; I could see a person vaguely inside it.
“—It’s Bou-san!”
Bou-san was just in the next classroom. He was leaning against the wall, and looked deep in thought.
“—Bou-san!”
“—still alive—”
The instance the words left my mouth, an idea suddenly flashed across my mind. I had stood up on the stairs – after I had risen, there was no one there; I didn’t see anyone either when I searched the second floor.
– So that’s how it was.
I turned to look at Naru, who was smiling beside me.
“Could it be, that to Bou-san, we are the ones that disappeared?”
“Right!”
“If that’s the case, if that’s so, then could it be that John, Masako, and everyone else, are in similar situations?”
“It’s probably like that.”
Naru’s voice was really very gentle.
Turning my gaze towards the first floor, there were several figures in the vestibule. John was pacing while mumbling to himself; Naru sat by the wall; Yasuhara sat beside him; Masako stood by the other end. Each of them was surrounded by a pale glow. Although I call the glow white, it was mixed with other extremely pale colors.
In the first floor corridor I could see Ayako and Lin-san. Ayako was just walking out from the inside; Lin-san was just about to walk inwards. The two of them looked like they were about to collide, but for an instance the two of them appeared to overlap, and then they separated.
“Ah ne? What’s going on?”
I pointed at the two of them; Naru nodded.
“Everyone is still here, but do not know of each other’s existences.”
“How can this be?” I was so happy, I wanted to cry. Everyone was still alright, no one was missing. Thank goodness.
“Then what should I do now?”
As I finished my question, Naru placed a hand on my shoulder.
“It should be about time. It’s alright. You can do it even if you are by yourself.”
“That is to say, there is a possibility that I can’t do it?”
“No. – Have you calmed down yet?”
“—Yeah.”
“This place is still temporarily safe, so you don’t need to worry. Try doing it again.”
“Try it again?”
Naru nodded.
“Right. You come out by yourself, instead of me pulling you out.”
– Come out by myself, instead of being pulled out—
“If that’s the case, have you always been the one who has made me dream?”
– Could it be that this is what a ‘sign’ is?
Naru did not answer me; he merely gave me a brilliant smile.
“Go back to your body first, and then try again.”
“—Yeah.”
“After you go back, tense your body up and curl up.”
“Tense?”
“Right. Put all your energy into it. Clasp your hands tightly in front of your chest with your palms facing up.”
“Like this?” I followed what Naru said and demonstrated it for him. Naru nodded.
“Yeah. After this, slowly control your breathing. Then, start to dissipate your energy from your fingertips.”
“I don’t quite understand.”
“Focus all your energy within, breathe slowly. While you are breathing, forget how you are breathing. Inhale, then exhale; repeat this 3 times. Feel your energy being drawn out, starting from your fingertips.”
“Three times, is it?”
“It is alright however many times you do it. But every three times, draw out a little more energy. After the fingertips, the wrists – release them in order. Relax both shoulders, then your feet. Like with your wrists and fingertips, release each part in order after an interval. Do you understand?”
“Yeah, got it!”
“After all the energy in your limbs has been released, next are the waist and the abdomen. Although the posture is a little strange, don’t worry about it. If you feel like you’re going to fall over, just fall over.”
“Yeah!”
“After you’ve released all the energy up to your neck, think about the problem with Kirishima – just a passing thought. If you can’t feel that easily, then think about the will-o’-the-wisps in the tea room, then connect that to the word ‘Kirishima’, and that should do it.”
“—I understand.”
“When you’re about to awake, you have to remember your own body. – because you have to do this to safely return to your own body.”
“Yeah. Let me try. – But, how should I go and persuade him?”
Naru smiled, a prince-like smile.
“Show him the light.”
“The light?”
“Yeah. I’m not too sure about this myself. But according to the ideology that heaven and hell exist, I think that doing such should be correct. – Humans are made of the ‘body’ and the ‘spirit’.”
“Yeah.”
“I think that the ‘spirit’ is made of two types of things: the ‘soul’ and ‘ego’; or ‘will’ – this term can also be used to express it: with this there is ‘intention’ and ‘aspiration’.”
“Wu—Yeah.”
“The ‘ego’ harbors the entire ‘soul’. Because the ‘ego’ is a membranous substance, I think is easier to think of the ‘spirit’ as a fluid for easier comprehension. The ‘soul’, a shapeless substance, adapts to the form and of the ‘ego’ and behaves as one. Because the ‘ego’ is transparent, you can see the ‘soul’ – this has the color of water. That’s why I think that shape and color that the ‘ego’ and the ‘soul’ produce together is the ‘spirit’. Right?”
“Ai…”
“In greater detail, the ‘spirit’ is like water, which is made of hydrogen and oxygen. ‘Mood’ is made of particles. The particles of ‘mood’ can be positive or negative. The positive particle gives of light; the negative the particle absorbs light.”
“That is to say, the positive ‘mood’ is filled with sunshine, while negative ‘mood’ is grey and dark. Is that the meaning?”
“Right. The positive ‘mood’ is light, thus the negative ‘mood’ is darkness. According to the activity of the ‘spirit’, the two types of particles are continuously produced and released through the transparent ‘ego’. – Do you understand?”
“I understand. – I think I’ve got it.”
“Because the positive particle is very light, it rises continuously; because the negative particle is heavy, it sinks. That’s why there are similar types of light and large facilities that gather these two types.”
“That would be heaven and hell, wouldn’t it?”
Naru nodded.
“After people die, they become spirits. At this time, if there are too many negative particles, the ‘spirit’ would be overburdened and sink, and vice versa.”
“Does that mean to say that Kirishima-sensei and the children have harbored too much negative ‘mood’, resulting in this?”
“It’s just like this. The ‘spirit’ sinks continuously, while the positive ‘mood’ wants to float upwards. Like this, the ‘spirit’ wants to expel them. With that, the ‘spirit’ becomes even heavier, thus it prefers to expel all of the positive particles. After this – there are only negative particles left.”
“And that is an evil spirit?”
“—Yeah.”
Saying that, Naru lowered his head.
“—They didn’t want to die at all, thus they could not accept the reality that they had already died. Because of fear, grief, loneliness, suffering, - they are unable to experience the happiness that exists in this world.”
“—Poor things –”
A faint smile appeared on Naru’s face.
“Because they’ve gathered too much negative ‘mood’, that’s why they’ve fallen into darkness. Thus, to rescue them, what needs to be done is to give them thoughts that imbue light. Only like this, can they become lighter and rise, only like this would it be easier for positive ‘mood’ to gather.”
“But—how should I do it?”
“First, you have to turn into light yourself, Mai.”
“Turn into light?”
“Right. Positive ‘mood’ is a warm and gentle feeling, not pity or grief. It is a truly gentle feeling. You have to hold this kind of feeling to communicate with them. Like this, while you are communicating, you can release positive particles simultaneously.”
“It looks very difficult—”
Naru laughed.
“It’s not difficult at all. Imagine the instance you communicate your feelings honestly and gently; just remember something that makes you feel warm.”
– A warm, gentle memory –
“Although there are people who do not have this type of feeling in existence, you aren’t one of them, right?”
“Yeah.”
“There are also people who sink in negative thought, which is also a condition affecting spirits. Although this doesn’t have anything to do with life and death, the ‘ego’ of living people is very thick, so it is very difficult to pass positive particles into other people regardless of how hard you release them. This is also a problem area for living people to rescue spirits.”
“– the ‘ego’s of dead people are very thin?”
“Very thin. Believe in yourself. You definitely can do it.”
“—Yeah!”
Naru smiled, and gently pushed my shoulder. All at once Naru became very far away.
Suddenly, I felt that I had returned.
Woozily, my hand jerked.
It was completely dark around me; only the window in directly in front held a faint glow.
“Naru—”
Somehow, I understood. If I could leave my body myself, then Naru wouldn’t have to do it anymore. That’s why just now Naru should have given me a sign to enter the spirit state. Because we were separated, that’s why he’s using this method –
It must be like this –
I didn’t dream of Naru, but really met him.
– Ah, I’ve remembered it.
Masako had said before that when she had been captured by the spirit, Naru had appeared by her side. It must have been Naru going to give Masako encouragement.
“—incredible. I don’t dare to believe it.”
That fellow can actually do something like this…
But, the Naru that I met when I left my body was very gentle – he who had left his body to become a spirit. If the ‘ego’ becomes very thin without a body, then wouldn’t ‘spirits’ that have left their bodies be able to see each other’s real form? If that was the case, then, could it be, that deep in Naru’s heart he is actually very gentle—?
“I—like Naru—”
Following Naru’s instructions, I curled my body up, and placed all my energy into it; then I controlled my breathing evenly.
Then, following the order, I let my body relax: first the hands, then the arms. I placed my hands in front of my chest and clasped my fingers together tightly. Then my hands fell to my knees. – After that, my feet – they collapsed immediately after I drew the energy out of them. And then my abdomen.
After releasing the energy in my neck, my head lolled immediately. Just like this, without moving, I breathed, and felt my body about to float, as though weightless.
– After that, my body jolted.
“—!”
It was an intense shock that fell my body to one side and made me unable to breathe. I opened my eyes; it was pitch-black.
What happened? Did I fail?
Looking around the impenetrable darkness that surrounded me, my feelings of panic ebbed slightly; small voices could be heard by my ear.
Opening my eyes wide, I perked my ears and tried to listen.
After my eyes got used to the darkness, gradually, I could see the scene around me clearly. At the same time, I could also hear the tiny voices clearly.
There were rows of seats – this was inside a bus. The seats had collapsed and fallen over haphazardly, the vehicle’s windows were all shattered, the body of the vehicle was also sloping, and the entire vehicle was filled with intermittent groans and cries.
“—Mariko!”
I heard a man’s voice.
“Tsumura, Takaru!”
From beneath the front most seat, a man stood up.
“Are you alright? Is everyone alright?”
He stood up, then walked towards the back and picked up the little girl in the seat behind.
“Ai, open your eyes, are you alright?”
The call sounded like a plea instead, a grief-filled plea for everyone to be safe and sound.
The girl was already exhausted, and made a weak groan. His plea could not pass through the girl’s ear.
“Yoshiya(美也)– Naomi(真美)!”
He carried Ai while staggering towards the back. In the cabin, the seats had fallen over in all directions, filling the passage way. He looked for the children, carried Ai and walked to Tsumura, who was in the corridor, and knelt by him. He carried Ai in one hand and Tsumura in the other. He looked at the tragic scene around him: the practically flattened bus; the cries of 18 children before death.
He called the children’s names while gathering their small bodies. Obviously he could not hold so many children in his arms, but he still tried to hug them to his chest.
“Why—how can this happen?”
I heard him croak. This was the first time I heard a grown man cry.
“—Why—why did this type of thing happen?”
The children made soft noises – they were calling for their teacher.
“—Ow—”
“—Sensei—”
The pain-filled cries of the children filled the air. He fell over and wailed in anguish.
“Sensei— I’m scared.”
Mariko cried while grasping on to his shirt. After that, all the small hands of the children reached over, begging him for salvation.
“It hurts, sensei—”
“I’m scared—”
He looked at the children gathered around him, and patted their hands one by one.
“It’s ok, it’s ok—”
“Sensei—”
“Don’t worry, let’s go back to the school. If we go back to school, you don’t need to be afraid anymore.”
“But, it hurts, I can’t move.”
“Don’t worry, sensei will take you all back safely. So, let’s go back!”
He smiled at the children through his tears.
My vision blurred, in a flash, tears poured down. I blinked my eyes. A dark abyss had suddenly opened within the bus. I looked on as he held the children’s hands and walked into it.
“—Wait up!”
I couldn’t help calling out.
“Kirishima-sensei, please wait up.”
He turned.
“Don’t go, please don’t do this!”
He walked back from the dark passage, face covered with dark shadows. Why was it that what I saw was a gloomy and tragic face? The face filled with gentleness that was present up till a moment ago no longer existed.
“You cannot bring the children there. Sensei and the children are all already dead!”
In a flash he was by my side.
“Please wake up, everyone is already dead. Even if you bring them back to school there is nothing but pain – they can’t be happy. They can’t go home, they can’t see their mothers either – there’ll only be suffering. Doing this isn’t good at all!”
He reached out and grasped my shoulder tightly. Grasping me with a strength that made a vague bony creak, he pulled me inwards.
“Sensei!”
I was forced forwards. After that, the classroom appeared in front of me.
I stood in front of the black board. Eighteen tables lined the classroom, with the children seated there. I faced the gaze of eighteen children.
“Let me introduce a new transfer student to everyone!”
Sensei said while turning to me. A gentle smile appeared on his face.
“This is Taniyama. Please get along well, everyone.”
“Yes!” – The whole class answered unanimously.
“Taniyama, your seat is over there. 佐织, please take care of her.”
“Yes!” – The one who replied was the oldest girl. Sensei pushed me into the center of the classroom. Each child wore a happy smile.
“Taniyama is much older than you are, so if you have any problems you can approach her to discuss it. – Taniyama, everyone is counting on you.”
I was forced to sit on a tiny chair. Next to me, 佐织 was smiling happily.
“Sensei – No! – You can’t do this—”
I lifted my head. A girl appeared beside Kirishima-sensei.
“Sensei, it looks like we have exactly 40 people like this.”
Sensei patted the girl’s head.
“Incredible. You have counted so accurately.”
“Yeah!”
“Sensei,” - another child called.
“If it’s like this, then does it mean we can have another class?”
“Yes. We can almost start another class already.”
“If we have another class, then can we play dodge ball?”
“Yes!”
“But, what about teachers? We have two classes but if there is only one teacher, it’ll be very strange.”
“It won’t be a problem.”
Sensei smiled.
“There is someone who can be a teacher.”
“Really?”
“Really. The number of teachers will increase shortly. If it’s like this we have to make a teacher’s tea room.”
“Incredible – the school is about to become this big, sensei.”
“Indeed!”
I watched this sad dialogue between teacher and student in front of me.
– The sudden tragedy created so many hurt spirits and a lonely school.
If it is lonely, then fill the school with students. If there aren’t any new students enrolling, then transfer students would do as well. How lonely, how lonely; how they yearn, they yearn – I could understand this sort of feeling; the anguish that makes one want to cry out.
“Kirishima-sensei, please don’t do this anymore.”
Sensei looked back at me, puzzled.
“Please don’t continue like this! Even if the number of students in the school increases, it won’t stop this loneliness. Everyone’s loneliness isn’t because of the low number of students in the school, but because everyone is already not living!”
“—What are you talking about?”
Sensei was smiling. His eyes flashed.
“Everyone is already dead! It was an accident that happened during the school trip – everyone is already dead! Even if you pretend to forget, you all still remember. That’s why everyone is in pain regardless of the time! Even if the number of students increases, regardless of how lively the school becomes, deep inside, everybody’s hearts are filled with loneliness because you can’t continue living. It is a wound that cannot be healed regardless of what you do.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I understand your feelings, sensei. These young girls clearly carried dreams for the future, but all of them were destroyed when they suddenly died. They died with horror and pain. I can understand this type of feeling. But doing so will only make your suffering limitless. It will only bring the same pain to the transfer students—”
“Taniyama, you are really a strange child.”
“Please wake up! – Everyone, please remember it!”
I looked at the children who looked back at me. Somehow, the class had swelled to 39 students.
“Because of a frightening accident, everyone is already dead!”
Suddenly, a boy sitting in the front row started crying. As though it was contagious, the other students also started crying.
“Is it very painful, very tragic? But the transfer students that were brought here are also in the same pain. If you want to get rid of the pain, the only way is to go to the other side of the bridge. If you cross the river, the pain and suffering will disappear. Regardless of what you do here now, the anguish will not disappear.”
The classroom was filled with the sound of weeping. It was as though they were screaming, ‘it hurts!’ Although I felt it was like I was bullying other people, this was my only choice to give everyone salvation.
“Is there anyone who has gone home before? Anyone who can meet their mothers and fathers?”
Suddenly, someone grasped my wrist.
“You are really a naughty child.”
“This is not being naughty!”
“It is naughty, you’ve made everyone cry. Don’t you feel pity?”
“Does continuing on like this make it less pitiful?”
Even if they wanted to return, they could not go; even if they wanted to meet, they could not meet – such is death. All these children have already died. So, no matter how hard they pray, they are unable to go back, unable to meet their parents.
“My parents are already dead. If they were trapped like this, I would feel very sad. Even if they forgot about me, I would wish they would be able to cross that bridge and be happy. That’s why I wish everyone can be happy!”
The room was filled with cries. Right! If everyone did not forget, if it was like this, there’d only be suffering.
“They are all lies!”
Kirishima-sensei shouted loudly.
“Whatever about dead or alive – they’re all lies! We will not believe them.”
“Sensei, stop!”
“Don’t meddle with my students!”
Suddenly something flew over, and split my body. Although there was no wound, there was soul piercing pain. My body was paralyzed.
“Sensei! Please think carefully about it!”
“Shut up! The children and I are fine like this!”
Bang! Something flew at me once more, and expelled me out into the corridor. In the instance I hit the wall hard, I heard Naru’s voice.
“Mai! Come back!”
– Go back? Go back where?
“Remember your own body!”
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