Goblin Slayer - Volume 4 - Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – Of An Elf’s Lazy Day

“Hrrm…?” 

The sun was well into the sky when its rays came through the window and struck the eyes of High Elf Archer. She was naked, curled up in bed under a single blanket, and she buried her face in the pillow in a short-lived show of resistance. But the sunlight was fearsomely bright. It could not be defeated simply by covering her face. 

Soon giving in, the elf yawned like a cat— fwaah —and gave a great stretch of her lean body. 

“Faah…oooh… ’S it morning?” 

The sun was a bit too high for morning. It was nearly noon. 

High Elf Archer, rubbing her eyes and looking out the window, sat up cross-legged in bed. 

“Ooo…” 

She clawed at her sleep-addled hair as she mumbled meaningless syllables. 

As she recalled, she had today off. At least, if no one came to wake her, it meant there was no adventure. 

That Orcbolg—he had gone off alone, all goblins, goblins as usual. 

She honestly wasn’t sure about the recent incident. She had trouble believing a battle with an evil wizard on top of a tower. 

In any case, this sure is different from the forest. 

If nothing else, the fact that she could sleep until noon made her glad she had left the woods. 

She yawned again, then scratched at her healthily taut belly and belly button. High-elf behavior was known for its refinement, but there were limits. 

High Elf Archer stretched out her legs toward the floor, which was so cluttered with items and possessions that there was barely anywhere to put her feet. The tips of her toes found her beloved great bow. She retied the loosened string, then plucked it gently to check it. She ought to change it sooner or later. 

“Hmm, I’m sure it was around… Ah, there you are.” 

She sprawled on her bed and stretched her arms out toward the floor. 

She picked up a little spider about the size of a fingertip. It had been wandering around on top of her leggings on the ground. 

High Elf Archer tapped a slim finger on the spider’s behind and gave a tug, and a silver thread ran into the air. She was literally spinning silk. And not sticky web silk, but the plain kind spiders used to walk on. She did this two or three times, until she had the lengths of thread she wanted, whereupon her ears quivered. 

“That’s enough, I guess. Thanks!” 

She let the spider go and set about twisting the thread. Spider’s silk was light but stronger than steel wire of the same thickness. The perfect material for a bowstring. After a while, the elf had wound the strings together. She ran them back and forth through her fingers, from one end to the other. 

Convinced there were no problems, she flitted her ears in satisfaction. 

“There we go.” 

She wound the string into a loop and popped out of bed and onto the floor. Being careful not to step on borrowed books and toys she had bought but didn’t really understand, she worked her way around the room. 

She swept up her hunter’s garb, slipping it on carelessly. 

Today was her day off. She didn’t need her overcoat or anything. Although a short sword might be appropriate… 

She was slim and elegant; she had skin so white it was almost translucent and not a lot of extra meat on her bones. Combined with her flat chest, she had the beauty of a carved statue. 

In beauty, at least, forest elves were not content to come second to any other race. Perhaps the reason they hid themselves under clothing was that they saw their own fairness as simply normal. 

“?” 

Whistling tunelessly, High Elf Archer braided her hair. She gently brushed aside the stray strands from her shoulders and cheeks, and when she spun back around, her messy room greeted her. 

In some ways, the mayhem was understandable in the room of an adventurer. But it was hard to believe this was the room of a young woman, and an elf at that. Equipment had been tossed around, discarded clothing lay everywhere, and empty dishes were piled up carelessly. Adventure novels and books of plays lay open, while playthings bought at temple festivals were scattered about. It would be easier to believe this was a child’s bedroom. 

How did so many things even fit in such a relatively small space? It was a great riddle that even the elves, with all their knowledge, could not have fathomed. 

“Hmm,” High Elf Archer crossed her arms gravely and surveyed the room, then batted her long ears and nodded as if in agreement with something. “I’d better do some laundry.” 

§ 

She added shaved soap and her clothes to a tub full of water from the well, then put in her bare feet. 

“Oooh… Underground water is cold, isn’t it?” 

Her body and ears both shuddered, and she began treading on her clothing. 

She knew for certain: she could never have imagined this back in her forest home. There, it had been a simple matter of putting your clothes in the river and asking the undines or other water spirits to wash them for you. Household chores were left to brownies. The human world was awfully inconvenient, she thought. 

But all that aside, she did enjoy stomping around, basically playing in the water. 

Behind the Guild was a watering hole that also served as a place to do the wash. 

The warm light of the late morning sun poured down. In the distance, she could hear children running and housewives chatting. Lunch preparations must have been under way, because a tempting aroma drifted from the tavern kitchen. 

High Elf Archer loved this time. Somehow it had a different smell from the usual town mornings and nights and days when she was going on an adventure. She didn’t know exactly what that smell was, and she might have been imagining it. She found a healthy curiosity well and good in both herself and others, but some things ought to go without being too thoroughly investigated. 

“Bwaaah…” 

She gave another wide yawn. No matter how much you slept, on days like this it was never enough. But then, elves had all the time in the world. Wasting a little of it wouldn’t hurt anything. 

It is kind of a shame, though. 

Interesting things, things that got her attention—if she took her eyes off them for just a moment, suddenly they would be gone. 

High Elf Archer continued stamping on the laundry, giving another great yawn and stepping out of the bucket. Then she squeezed out her well-trod clothes and spread them out left and right with a whap . 

“Lots of interesting things to think about, really.” 

Like the delicate scent of soap. The breeze she could feel through her damp clothing. The sunlight. 

Enjoying all these things, High Elf Archer hung her clothes from the line in the wash area. She remembered all too well when she had hung them carelessly and they had gotten wrinkled, so she made sure to make them as neat as possible. For some reason, it was troubling when they got caught by the wind and blown onto the ground, so she fastened them securely with clothespins. 

“Done and done!” 

She hung the last garment carefully, then gave a satisfied flick of her ears. She wiped her forehead, although it wasn’t sweaty, put her hands on her hips, and eyed the laundry. The clothing flapped in the wind like the banner of an army atop a conquered fortress. 

“Doing the laundry? Aren’t you a hard worker.” 

High Elf Archer turned toward the voice behind her with a proud sniff. 

In general, elves could tell who was coming without looking. But even they could be surprised sometimes. There are exceptions to every rule. 

“Oh, Guild Girl. What’s up?” 

“I have the day off, so I’m just wandering.” 

The receptionist was wearing personal clothes. It was a bit of a shock, because High Elf Archer was so used to seeing her in her uniform, but of course, even Guild Girl owned other outfits. Just like everyone. 

She was wearing a light summer dress. It had no sleeves, showing the lovely line of her arms from her shoulders to her neatly trimmed nails. It sat easily on her and would probably let a cooling breeze through nicely. Her well-formed body was presumably a result of the effort she put in every day. It could comfortably be called ideal. 

“It makes you look like a sylph, somehow.” 

Guild Girl smiled, pleased at this. “I got it because it’s supposed to be the latest fashion in the Capital.” 

So that was it. High Elf Archer nodded. It certainly seemed like a good outfit to just wander in. Human fashion, though, changed at such a frenzied pace that she found it difficult to keep up with… 

I wonder how they come up with so many things in a single year. 

One thing was certain: the human world never got boring. 

“But why are you at the Guild?” 

It was her day off. Guild Girl averted her eyes suddenly at High Elf Archer’s innocent question. Her gaze shifted from one place to another. 

“…Just because. I thought maybe I’d make sure our adventurers had come home all right.” 

“Huh!” High Elf Archer laughed, not reflecting particularly deeply on this answer. “Now that’s dedication!” 

“Well, you know…” Guild Girl said evasively. “So how goes your washing?” 

“Behold, the fruits of my labor.” High Elf Archer stuck out her little chest proudly. “What do you think?” 

It wasn’t like she had used a special skill. It was just laundry. Not something to brag about, but Guild Girl smiled anyway. 

“You’ve gotten pretty used to doing it, haven’t you?” she commented. 

“I guess so. I can handle this much pretty easily,” replied High Elf Archer. 

“Oh… No underwear?” 

“?” 

Guild Girl stood with her braids bobbing as she tilted her head quizzically. 

High Elf Archer answered readily, “I don’t have any.” 

“Oh, you mean this is your second wash already?” 

“No,” she replied with an emphatic shake of her head. Why didn’t she understand? “I don’t have any.” 

“…I thought we all picked some out together a while ago.” 

“I kinda buried it…” 

“…” 

Guild Girl was pressing on her brow and staring at the ground just long enough for High Elf Archer to be slightly suspicious. And when Guild Girl looked up again… 

“Let’s go buy some, then. Yes, let’s do that.” 

There was that pasted-on smile. 

“Huh? But… Honestly, they’re kind of a pain…” 

“Let’s go.” 

And for an adventurer to refuse an offer from a Guild employee was simply not possible. 

§ 

“Errgh… Hey, do I really have to put this on?” 

“Yes, you do!” 

High Elf Archer peeked out of the changing room to find Guild Girl’s finger stuck in her face. 

Guild Girl had taken the elf by the scruff of the neck and dragged her to the town’s general store. 

This may have been an underdeveloped area of the frontier, but even here there was a tailor. 

“Although, when it comes to the latest things from the Capital, you’ll have better luck at the general store.” 

It might not hold a candle to the water town, but more items came through here. 

So Guild Girl had said and stuck out her well-formed chest, but High Elf Archer didn’t understand. Fashion changed with such blinding speed, maybe only humans could keep up. 

“And what’s more,” Guild Girl said with a shake of her finger, “appearance is important to adventurers.” 

“It is?” 

“If higher-ranked adventurers don’t look the part, it drags down the overall quality of all our adventurers.” 

Adventurers were known for a particular appearance, all right: ruffians with weapons and armor. The state may have established the Guild to help manage adventurers, but public opinion was not so generous. There was no need for outrageous clothing, but a well-tended appearance was important. 

It wasn’t that High Elf Archer didn’t understand that logic. She did understand it, and yet… 

“Yeah?” she said with a displeased wave of her ears. “Try telling him that.” 

“You think he’d listen?” Guild Girl shot back with a broad smile. 

“…No,” High Elf Archer said, sulking back into the changing room. In her hand she held thin and sleeveless lingerie that came down to her midriff. 

“But I’ve got high hopes for you, you know.” 

“High hopes?” 

“Elves naturally have such beautiful skin—you probably don’t even need to groom yourself.” 

“I don’t know about that…” 

Nonetheless, High Elf Archer gave a dismissive grunt and squeezed herself into the underwear. She just couldn’t get used to the sensation of it stuck to her flat chest. 

“I promised to help our little friend pick out some underwear, too.” Just for a second, Guild Girl seemed to offer a peek behind her stiff smile. “We’re all girls, right? You may be adventurers, and equipment might be more important than fashion, but…” High Elf Archer’s ears picked up the last few words as she murmured, “But we’re all girls, right?” 

There was nothing critical or scolding in her tone. Maybe she wasn’t in a position to do such a thing. High Elf Archer didn’t know. But even if she didn’t understand it, she could tell Guild Girl was caring for them in her own way. 

She is a good person. I think. 

“But still…” 

Be that as it may. Underwear might help in absorbing sweat and such, but… 

She had grabbed a single piece of thin clothing, an upside-down triangle. The color on top and bottom, of course, matched. 

…I don’t think this thing could even do that much. 

She held up the thing in her hand, stretching it and scrutinizing it as she said, “Why would you wear this?” 

“What do you mean, why?” 

“I mean, it’s not like anyone’s going to see it. Who would you show it to?” 

She could sense Guild Girl stiffening on the far side of the changing room curtain. 

“Hm?” High Elf Archer said, surprised, with a tilt of her head. Apparently she had asked something else she wasn’t supposed to. 

“It-it’s kind of in preparation for…for when the time comes to show it to someone. Underwear is a girl’s last trump card,” Guild Girl said while remaining as gentle as ever. 

“Is that right?” High Elf Archer asked offhandedly, to which Guild Girl said bluntly, “Yes, it is.” 

Hmm… 

It was hard for her to imagine that such a slim, unreliable-looking piece of clothing could be all that. 

Maybe Guild Girl could sense High Elf Archer mulling this over, because she muttered, “Oh, well. You don’t have to force yourself to buy it right now or anything, but you should think about it.” 

“Sure, I will.” 

High Elf Archer tore off the clothes she’d been trying on without a moment’s regret. Then she grabbed up her own garments, which had been scattered on the floor, and squeezed into them as fast as she could. From the other side of the curtain, she could hear Guild Girl exclaim, “Y-yikes!” as the lingerie came flying over. 

“If you put on clothes over these and then tried to move, it seems like they would be kind of…fluffy and rustly.” High Elf Archer bounded out of the changing room, back in her usual garb, and looked Guild Girl in the eye. She was picking up the clothes the elf had flung to the ground. High Elf Archer smiled without malice, like a cat. “I’d rather do something fun. Hey, wanna play a game?” 

§ 

“A tabletop game?” 

“Right. I just found it recently.” 

Thus they came to the Guild tavern some time after noon. 

Padfoot Waitress gave them a little bow, and High Elf Archer took the chairs off one of the tables. 

Guild Girl produced a long, flat box wrapped in a copper-colored cloth. She opened a window and blew some dust off it. On the lid was a winding snake pattern. 

“You move pawns, roll dice, and act like an adventurer… At least, I think that’s how it works.” 

“So…you pretend to be an adventurer?” 

“More or less.” 

When they opened the lid of the box, they found several old sheepskin books, along with a collection of pawns and dice, tucked neatly inside. High Elf Archer took one of the figurines in hand and scrutinized it. It stood on a circular base: a knight wearing blue plate armor. Perhaps it was made of metal, because it had heft to it. This figure held a banner with an omega symbol on it, brandished a fine steel blade, and was crying out to end Chaos. A paladin, no doubt. 

“This is pretty good craftsmanship.” 

“There are a lot of scenarios, too. From saving the world to, well, slaying goblins.” 

High Elf Archer giggled at the words slaying goblins . Her long ears bobbed happily. 

“I bet it would go south fast if we made Orcbolg play it… Hey, can I ask you something?” 

“What?” 

“What’s the point of this?” 

Guild Girl was left blinking by the sudden question. High Elf Archer saw her confusion and waved her hands frantically. 

“Sorry, don’t take that the wrong way. I mean literally.” 

“Oh, I see… Hmm.” Lost in thought, Guild Girl seemed very much the same as usual, despite being out of uniform. “I guess you could use it to determine your roles and actions before going on an actual adventure, to a certain extent.” 

The disconnect caused High Elf Archer to snicker, and Guild Girl scratched her cheek. 

“But I’ve never done this before,” the elf said. 

“It takes effort and time, and of course you need enough players. Plus, a lot of people can’t read.” 

“Hmm…” 

She added that although the game was available, it was rarely used. 

That was understandable to High Elf Archer. She put the paladin carefully back in the box. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be enough to guarantee a smooth adventure.” 

“That’s true. It’s completely different from reality, that’s for sure.” 

As she spoke, Guild Girl reached into the box again and took a piece. It was a masculine-looking light warrior, wearing leather armor and holding a dagger at the ready. Perhaps a scout. 

“But maybe…that’s enough.” She touched its face gently with a finger, smiling shyly. “You could welcome back adventurers who had saved the world. It’s not quite a fantasy, or a dream…” She spoke quietly, almost as if to hide some embarrassment. 

I get it. The elf girl waved her long ears gently and smiled. She could understand. Even though she was on the side being welcomed instead of doing the welcoming. 

“Hey, teach me how to play,” she said, taking the paladin back out of the box. 

Yeah. I like her face. 

“Just watch me. I’ll save all the worlds you like!” 

And then High Elf Archer proceeded to fail. Not only did she not defeat the immortal wizard, but she never even arrived at his maze-like mausoleum. Finding the miasma-laden entrance to the tomb was not for half-baked heroes. 

Saving the world turned out to be a Herculean task, even when the world was a game board. 

§ 

“Aww, man! That sucked!” 

The tavern at evening was boisterous, and nobody listened to High Elf Archer’s exclamation. Sometimes adventures went well, and sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes the kindest thing you could do was ignore someone. 

“I swear something was wrong there! How can a dragon just come flapping out of the sky?!” 

“That was what was in the materials, so that’s just how it went.” 

As the elf sprawled across the table and pounded the wood, Guild Girl responded with an awkward smile. 

After that, the world had ultimately been destroyed several times. Despite the addition of Inspector, as well as Priestess and Cow Girl, who had shown up at the bar, peace for the world seemed a distant goal. 

“‘Just how it went’! Not acceptable.” The two-thousand-year-old elf pouted like a child. 

“You think?” 

“Yeah, I think we could have done something more. I’m sure of it,” she complained, giving a wave of her cupful of grape wine. 

“Maybe so,” Guild Girl said with a measured nod, pulling her food away from the wine droplets that splattered on the table. “Part of the interest of tabletop games is to see what people come up with.” 

And she had to admit that the setup had been a little over-the-top. 

“Hey, teach me how to play,” she said, taking the paladin back out of the box. 

“Hey, teach me how to play,” she said, taking the paladin back out of the box. 

Yeah. I like her face. 

“Just watch me. I’ll save all the worlds you like!” 

And then High Elf Archer proceeded to fail. Not only did she not defeat the immortal wizard, but she never even arrived at his maze-like mausoleum. Finding the miasma-laden entrance to the tomb was not for half-baked heroes. 

Saving the world turned out to be a Herculean task, even when the world was a game board. 

§ 

“Aww, man! That sucked!” 

The tavern at evening was boisterous, and nobody listened to High Elf Archer’s exclamation. Sometimes adventures went well, and sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes the kindest thing you could do was ignore someone. 

“I swear something was wrong there! How can a dragon just come flapping out of the sky?!” 

“That was what was in the materials, so that’s just how it went.” 

As the elf sprawled across the table and pounded the wood, Guild Girl responded with an awkward smile. 

After that, the world had ultimately been destroyed several times. Despite the addition of Inspector, as well as Priestess and Cow Girl, who had shown up at the bar, peace for the world seemed a distant goal. 

“‘Just how it went’! Not acceptable.” The two-thousand-year-old elf pouted like a child. 

“You think?” 

“Yeah, I think we could have done something more. I’m sure of it,” she complained, giving a wave of her cupful of grape wine. 

“Maybe so,” Guild Girl said with a measured nod, pulling her food away from the wine droplets that splattered on the table. “Part of the interest of tabletop games is to see what people come up with.” 

And she had to admit that the setup had been a little over-the-top. 

At those words, High Elf Archer rolled her head on the table to stare up at Guild Girl. 

“…Actually, don’t you think it’s kind of wasteful?” 

“Wasteful?” 

“Or…indulgent. You guys barely even live a hundred years, right?” 

Notwithstanding the occasional necromancer. 

High Elf Archer wiggled her ears, tracing a circle in the air with her pointer finger. 

“To use that scant time worrying about the future…it seems like a waste.” 

“You mean we should be in the moment?” Guild Girl asked, her braids slipping down as she tilted her head. 

“Yeah,” replied High Elf Archer with a laugh. “It’s the privilege of mortals to laugh or cry or get angry or fuss about what went on today. To worry about what happens a hundred or two hundred years from now—that’s our business.” 

“I wonder.” 

“A high elf said it. It must be true!” 

High Elf Archer’s reply was accompanied by a proud snort as she confidently thrust out her small chest. She was a long way from the image of a noble high elf enjoining a human to be more thoughtful. But the truth was, she herself felt it took all she had to attend to what was right in front of her day by day. 

Guild Girl giggled, and a smile came over her face—not her pasted-on smile, but a completely natural one. At the sight of it, High Elf Archer, quite pleased with what she had accomplished, narrowed her eyes like a cat and smiled. 

“Well, since we’re here… Excuse me!” 

“Yes!” 

With Guild Girl still smiling, she called over Padfoot Waitress and ordered another bottle of wine. She was no hedonist, but this was special. Why not drink something good? 

She opened the cork, enjoying the aromatic alcohol, then poured it generously into Guild Girl’s cup and her own. High Elf Archer took her cup, her eyes sparkling like she’d never seen one before, and Guild Girl did the same. 

“…Okay. Here’s to today’s failed adventure.” 

“A failure I won’t forget if I live to be a hundred!” 

Cheers! Their glasses clinked with a musical sound.