"Fhuu---"
The breath I breathed out froze immediately and dissolved into the air. I stopped and looked up in the sky. Although it was already five o'clock, the deep, dark winter morning sky was filled with lots of pridefully shining stars.
The star shining the strongest is called Sirius and is placed in the Southern Sky.
I don't know much about the names of those stars, but Tsukasa, a friend of mine, is pretty schooled in this field, so he teached me lots of things. Well, the only name I still remember is Sirius, though. I've compleeetely forgotten the rest.
After a short walk, I arrived at the shopping street.
It's eerily silent under this arcade.
It feels as if it was dead.
No---
It really is dead.
The area a bit off the station around here has grown lonely. Originally it was a lively shopping street, but now half of the shops have been shut down. The once brightly colored shutters are now covered with rust and aren't even opened during the day. Some are calling them in the sad way "The shops with the silvermantled shutters".
It wasn't like this, when I still was young. The people living in the center of the city came shopping in this street. There always were lots of guests enjoying the shopping, and merchants running about busily all the time because of this. I got excited just by walking below this arcade.
There is a scene that's still fresh in my mind. I think it was when I was about four or five years old.
I was walking around holding the hand of my mom. A lot of people were there and on high spirits. Just by enjoying the atmosphere I was already having fun and looked with big eyes at the people passing by and the shops. The the shopping street sure felt like the heart of the city.
Now it's just shadow of its former self...
I've only lived 17 years, but there are many memories of this arcade-covered shopping street. It was the book shop in this street, where I bought my first book. I went buying it with a thousend-yen banknote in my hands. It was in this street when I first went watching a movie in a cinema. A Sci-Fi movie, in which a smuggy ship's captain was the hero. It was the Sushi bar in the the heart of this street, where I drank sake for the first time. I think I wasn't even in elementary school at that time.
My dad made me drink the sake.
"That stuff's delicious! Want some?"
As the pure young boy I was then, I believed his words and drank off the about half-filled cup of original japanese sake.
Of course I broke down immediately after having done that.
My eyes spinned around, the world was shaking and everything became flabby. Even now I still remember it clearly. Looking at me collapsed on the floor, he started guffawing. Really, the worst dad existing.
Anyway, I've got many memories of this shopping street. So I feel a bit down seeing it dying out. A wind of the same kind as the one that is blowing though the street below the arcade, was also blowing through my heart---
Though I was quite fond of this time in the morning, when the city's still covered in darkness without any sign of life. That is because it's the only time I feel the things are at their right place, in contrast to when everything feels wrong in this world.
But of course that's just my subjective impression.
Biro---n! Biroroooo----n!
"U-Uwah!"
Because of the music playing all of a sudden I raised my voice unconsciously.
The source of the sound was my mobile phone.
I thrust my hands in a hot haste into my pockets, and cut its energy. I stopped it on the dot. It's not like someone called me. It was just the alarm clock function I set to five o'clock,
Fear started to well up within me.
(Oh shit, Akiko will get angry if I don't return soon...)
Driven by this fear I dashed off.
After slipping out of the shopping street, I hit upon an about waist-high gate, on which other side's the parking lot of the hospital. Several cars were stopped on there; I guess they belong to the night shift employees. And beyond this parking lot is the small hospital, which consists of three stories.
Behind several windows I could already see the light turned on.
Bearing the tension I quickened my steps. Leaving the main gate as is, I proceed to the right side of the building. The main entrance is locked at this time. I walked around to the back side, where I stumbled upon a brown door.
I open the door carefully... very carefully.
This is the sole place where you can pass through during the night.
I was prudent.
One time Akiko was lying in wait for me and attacked me with the bottom of her slippers the moment I entered. She blazed with anger and gave me a sermon for more than 20 minutes, while having me kneel on the hard ground. I was then lectured for more than twenty minutes. I mean, I am sick after all, so I wish that she'd be a little more caring.
Leaving the door open, I froze.
(Is it alright--?)
I paid attention to the noise I made.
I poked my head inside.
There was no-one there, just benches lined up neatly. It was the lobby. This place, which was so busy during the daytime, was now, as expected, quiet.
I breathed out in relief.
The first obstacle has been crossed.
I came inside, and after closing the door softly, I took my shoes in my hands and tiptoed down the dark corridor. About ten meters down, there was a left fork. It went on to become a slightly inclined slope. It was a slope for wheelchairs. For safety reasons, the floor of the slope was covered with rubber, and that made it hard for my footsteps to reverberate.
But, there's a difficulty with this slope.
Around its middle, the slope winded hard, and after that, everything was clearly visible from the nurse station.
I stood at the corner, and peeked around it. The lights were on in the nurse station, which was located at the end of the hallway. The nurse on duty was awake.
It was around ten meters from the corner to the nurse station.
I call it the 'Ten Meters of Terror'. There's nothing that I can hide with there. It's all over if the nurse looks this way. That line of sight would accurately blow me away.
Taking just one deep breath, I leaped out. While keeping my posture as low as possible, as well as making sure that my feet didn't make too much noise, I sprinted forth.
Ten meters.
Seven meters.
Five meters.
My heart pounded. Beacuse I was too hurried, I stumbled, about to fall. But, I somehow managed to regain my balance, and I put on more speed.
Three meters.
One meter.
And I burst out into the hall. One more obstacle down. I immediately turned to the left. The third door from here is my room. A sense of accomplishment welled up within my chest.
But!
Just as I put my hand on the door.
"Yuuuuiiiiiiiichiiiiii!"
Behind me, somebody shouted.
Turning around in a panic, as I thought, Akiko was there. Her left leg was raised, and her right arm was pulled back. In short----she was winding up. For a girl, it was a rather amazing pitching stance.
I stood there, waving my hands desperately.
"A-Akiko, it isn't what you think! I-I-I-I-I-I wasn't sneaking out or any-!"
My desperate explanation was interrupted.
Bsssssssshhhhhhhhhhh--------!
Raising an impressive noise, something brown----that is, a hospital slipper (the bottom of one), scored a direct hit on my face.
First, I had a fever.
My body felt heavy.
I thought it was a cold.
This was about two months ago.
Colds get better with sleep, and both my mother and I didn't really like the hospital, so I just continued to sleep without going to the hospital. Every day, I slept about twenty hours, I think. Sleepiness dwelt in the core of my body, and I could always sleep. Thinking about it now, I should have realised that something was strange about then.
My body didn't get better no matter how much I slept. Though my temperature went up and down, it was always above thirty-eight degrees, and the sluggishness of my body didn't go away. At that time, even raising my arm was tough.
At the point where I had continued like that for a week, as expected, we realised that it wasn't a cold. Even then, I had no intention of going to the hospital----I really, really hate the hospital----but my worried mother suddenly started to panic, and finally I was forcibly brought there.
After finishing my checkup, the doctor immediately said this:
"You're going to be hospitalized."
And really, immediately.
"For at least two months."
The name of the disease was acute hepatitis.
It's a disease that comes about from viruses, so it's kinda the same as a cold, but this virus rendered my liver virtually useless. Well, though I say that, it isn't really that serious. It's completely healed in about two or three months, and there're no aftereffects at all.
However, in that two or three months, exercise is completely forbidden.
It seems like stress isn't good either.
At any rate, continuing to sleep without having a care is the best treatment.
But, and I say but.
After a month of hospitalization, my body had mostly gotten better. Normally, I didn't feel sick at all. Furthermore, I'm a seventeen year old high school student. There's no way I could just lie in my bed and sleep.
In general, the hospital is a horribly boring place. First of all, at 9:00 PM, all the lights go out. From then on, you can't turn on the TV or radio either. It's completely dark, so you can't pass the time by reading either. Anyways, it was just free time and free time and free time.
Eventually, I started to sneak out of the hospital at night. Happily, my friend's house was close to the hospital, so I escaped there. If I go to his place, there's TV, there's video games, and there's manga; compared to the hospital, it's heaven.
Of course, for the nurse Akiko, she can't just look it over.
That's how it is.
So, during what seems like every night, my epic battle with Akiko unfolds.
Life is something that doesn't go your way.
Those words were something that my father always muttered----usually after he had bet on the wrong horse. Now, I was seriously feeling that. Really, life never goes well...
"You know, Yuuichi."
While hitting me on the head with the head of her slipper, Akiko spoke.
"How many times am I going to have to say this before you understand?"
Seemingly extremely angry, Akiko's voice was low.
By the way, I was kneeling in front of the nurse station. My back was completely straight, my knees were perfectly straight in front of me, and my hands were laid upon them----something like that.
Well, it's something that I'd like to show off.
An old granny was pointing at me and giggling, and a child patient was asking his mother: "What's that person doing?". The mother quickly said: "Don't look!", and hurriedly passed by me, dragging her child behind her.
Ahh, this is hell...
Even though I knew it was useless, I forced a smile.
"Ha-Hahahaha. That's not it. I was just going for a walk."
I can't do this; it feels like I can't even smile correctly anymore.
Akiko narrowed her eyes.
"Aha? A walk? You disappeared right after lights out, didn't you?"
My heart nearly skipped a beat, but I told myself to calm down. It could be that this was just a leading question, couldn't it?
"N-No way. I was sleeping."
Emphasis.
Akiko's eyes narrowed even further.
"Yeah, sleeping. Your bag, that is."
"Uu----"
Before heading out, I pushed my bag under my futon. So that it'd look like someone was sleeping. The fact that Akiko knows that means...in short----
She knows.
All of it.
My knees trembled. Panicking, I pushed down on them with my hands. Even while getting nervous, I looked up and Akiko was smiling ominously.
'Hehe', her cheeks pulled up.
"Ha-Hahaha."
Without thinking, I returned the laugh.
"Ha-Hahaha."
It was something like, there was nothing else I could but laugh.
Akiko is a nurse at this hospital. She has a rather pretty face, so if she kept quiet, she'd have a bit of that impressive beauty feeling, but this was really scary. If you listen to the rumours, the Akiko in high school was bad.
I've seen a picture of Akiko in high school just once.
On the clothes the seventeen year old Akiko was wearing:
"Ise gulf bikers, please take care of me"
or
"A seventeen year old girl really loves you."
or
"Fighting elite : None can match me"
Stuff like that was sewn into it.
Well, the point here is, she was that kind of person.
Now she's a nurse, so she mostly treats patients with a gentle expression, but when she gets angry, her nature comes out.
I continued to laugh.
"Hahahaha."
Akiko-asn also continued to laugh.
"Hehehehehehehe."
"Hahahahahahaha."
"Hehehehehehehehehehe!"
"Hahahahahahahahahaha!"
Akiko and I just continued to laugh.
How do I say this, it was kind of weird and bizarre.
Bsssssssshhhhhhhhhhh--------!
About seven seconds later, that weird and bizarre scene was interrupted by that noise.
"O-Ouch..."
I clutched my head.
My head was smashed full on with the bottom of a slipper. Seems like the angle was just right; the place that was hit ached.
Akiko's anger filled shout descended upon me.
"Just because your body's gotten a little better, don't just decide by yourself that you're gonna go out walking! If you keep doing stuff like that, you'll never be able to leave the hospital!"
"A-Akiko..."
"What is it!?"
"You're speaking like a guy..."
"Huh?"
I'm being glared at. What amazing pressure. Still smiling awkwardly, I froze. Just like how a frog freezes when being stared at by a snake, I guess.
"Yuuichi."
"Y-Yes?"
"Make me a promise. Never sneak out of the hospital again."
I nodded my head up and down.
"I won't, I won't."
"Really? If you break this promise--"
"If I break it?"
"I might make you dance the Bon Festival dance naked."
"Naked!? The Bon Festival dance!?"
"Horrible isn't it? That'd be sad, wouldn't it?"
She smirked.
The smile of the devil.
"Do you want to do it? A nude dance?"
That's gotta be just a threat...thinking that would be a stupid mistake. Akiko's a woman who'll really do it if she says she will. At that moment, the image of me dancing the Bon Festival dance while naked appeared clearly in my head...
"I-I don't."
I somehow made my face spasm, and answered.
Akiko nodded.
"Then, keep your promise. Whatever the case, there's a girl in this hospital too."
"Y-Yes."
I nodded earnestly, but I felt that there was something off with what Akiko had said.
There's a girl?
The Municipal Wakaba Hospital in which I was hospitalised was pretty small, so there's got to be at most a hundred patients. More than half of those are grandmas and grandpas over seventy, and the remaining half is mostly people over thirty.
Was there a girl here?
"Well, the rest depends on your attitude. If you break this promise, within that day, you'll be naked and da----"
Akiko suddenly screamed: "Kyaaaaaaa!"
Wow, Akiko's screaming like a girl! Thinking that, I brought my head up, and standing behind Akiko was Tada.
He was grinning lewdly.
"You touched my butt, didn't you!"
Once she turned around, Akiko shouted, her face completely red.
Tada, who should be turning eighty this year, continued to grin.
"Ahh, sorry 'bout that, Akiko. My hand must've touched it just a liiitttlee bit. I mean, it's because this hallway's narrow."
And while grinning, he said that carefreely.
Of course, it was definitely a lie.
He touched Akiko's butt on purpose.
I know pretty well since he's in the neighbouring room; Tada is a true blue pervert grandpa. In any case, he's hiding a mountain of erotic books under his bed. Human's 'wither' or 'become more reserved' as they gain age, or at least that's what I thought, but after getting to know Tada, I've come to revise my opinion.
Obviously, it seems like Akiko knows about that too.
"You pervert grandpa! Don't lie to me!"
"Are you doubting a sick grandpa like me? You're a horrible girl..."
"Don't look like you're sick only at this kind of time!"
"Ahh, my heart's pounding. My blood pressure..."
"Liar! Die, you pervert grandpa!"
Watching the exchange between the two (which went on just normal) out of the corner of my eye, I stood up slowly, so I wouldn't be noticed by Akiko.
I've got to run away during this opening.
Akiko's surveillance became more strict.
As might be expected, the personality of a former delinquent is on a different level. When lights out came, she put a bench outside my door. The door's in this hospital open outward, so I could no longer open the door from the inside.
A confinement with which I couldn't argue about.
"What'll I do if I need to go to the toilet!"
When I tried to resist using that method, Akiko pressed a transparent container with a weird shape into my hands.
It was a bottle for urine.
Completely shocked at the treatment I was receiving...
"S-Seriously?"
I asked, and...
"Seriously! Have fun!"
I was nodded at, the bottle still in my hands.
Really, as expected, the personality of a former delinquent is on a different level.
It wasn't only at night that the surveillance was tighter. It was also more strict during the day. When I get hungry, I go to the supermarket on the other side of the street to buy bread or sweets, but that was all forbidden. Just going to the lobby, the woman sitting at the reception window would glare at me. And when I tried to circle to the back, this time, my hand was grabbed by one of the cleaning ladies.
"Sorry, but I was asked by Akiko. You get it, right?"
Nodding, I returned to my hospital room like I was running away. Exceeding what I had even dreamed of, the surrounding net was wide and surrounded me perfectly...
"Haaaaah~~~~~"
Letting loose a sigh, I walked down one of the hallways of the hospital.
Now, the only place I could tread carefreely was within the hospital. However, a hospital is filled with doctors, nurses, and sick people, the worst place ever. Just having a young hospitalised patient is in itself rare, so if things don't go well, then the traps which involve groups of grandpas and grandmas dragging me into their small talk are waiting for me. A terrible trap where, once dragged in, it would be at least an hour before I was released.
Despite that, my friends completely misunderstood what hospital life was like.
"Must be nice...there's beautiful nurses, right?"
They said things like that, but that's just a fantasy.
If they wanted to know the reality, they'd just need to be threatened by Akiko once.
Then they'd know...they'd be dead, but they'd know.
"Haaaaah~~~~~)"
Letting loose another sigh, I plodded down the corridor, which the sunlight shone in.
Really, this is boredom.
At first, I was happy that it was fine that I didn't go to school, but as might be expected just continuing my life of boredom like that and instead I started to miss school, which was rather strange.
Ahh, I want to take a noon-time nap in the afternoon classroom...
The udon of that horrible cafeteria seems so nostalgic...
Eventually, I reached a fork in the corridor.
In Municipal Wakaba Hospital, there's the west hospital wing and east hospital wing. My room was in the west hospital wing, and mostly it was used for the people with relatively light diseases. And, on the other side of the courtyard, there was the east hospital wing. There, the people who're being hospitalised for a long time or have serious disease are housed.
I had decided not to go much to the east hospital wing.
What we call hospitals, though a rubbish definition, are places that are relevant to the sick. People who would reside there would mean their sickness had reached to some extent; and to those who would go to the acute disease sector, are people who have contracted really serious illnesses—illnesses that wouldn’t be of any matter like mine.
I stopped walking long the corridor.
I was a bit reluctant to go there with the attitude of trying pull a prank or kill time.
I remembered I had once lost my way in the east hospital wing. Just when I was going around in circles, I heard a crying sound from afar. I didn’t take much concern of it and followed to the source of the sound out of pure curiosity. Of course, I hadn’t any mental preparations for what was awaiting me. Then, I saw a scene—there were two young people, a male and a female, sobbing and embracing each other in the corner of the corridor. The female was biting her thin lips, and the male was trying to act strong and say something to the female. He would sometimes even wipe his eyes.
I had no idea what happened. I couldn’t put the odds and ends together.
This was because I left in a panic afterwards.
At that time, I thought I had seen something I shouldn’t have seen.
Perhaps, things like disasters weren’t that rare as they seem. They are incessantly going around and happening despite being out of our reach.
The east hospital wing gave me such a thought.
“Go back,” I murmured to myself, my body turning back.
Let me head to the roof and bath in the sun. The wind wouldn’t blow against me beside the water tank, and it was warm in this season. Bringing along with me a manga would also be nice.
As my thoughts went wild, my eyes were captivated by something.
Black lustrous hair.
White skin.
I could see from the windows of the corridor some of the east hospital wing rooms, and in one of them there was a young girl leaning against the window.
She laid her hands on the window frame, gazing upon the sky.
I was a bit surprised.
Since the two months of hospitality, I had a bit of remark on every patient in the hospital since the hospital wasn’t a huge one.
Hospital.
There shouldn’t be girls of this age in the hospital.
“Is she here to visit someone?” mumbled I to myself. I saw the clothes on her, which deterred away my proposition. She was wearing aqua blue pajamas. No one would visit someone in his or her pajamas. Only patients in the hospital would have such an outfit.
Akiko’s words suddenly rang in my ears, “There are girls in the hospital.”
She was right. She had to know something about that longhaired girl.
“Your eyes are quite sharp,” she laughed maliciously.
Though I was bit infuriated, I couldn’t do anything that would anger Akiko, as I would be the final loser. Besides, Akiko was holding an injection needle, which could target my left arm’s vessels with its sharp needle head.
Or to put it another way, I was a patient preparing to be drip-fed by Akiko, the nurse responsible for this job.
If I happen to go against her at this times...
“Oh, sorry, I made a mistake.”
She would say such words and poke me with the needle with the wrong places—places far from the correct position; along with that, the same action would repeat about three times. When she first took such actions on me, I knew deeply in my heart the scary aspect of Akiko after repeated dismal events. I knew I had to be extra careful when she was holding the injection needle.
“When did she start living in the hospital?” I asked as I looked closely to the approaching lens. I had been drip-fed almost every day now, but I still hadn’t got used to this pain.
“Let me think about it. About three days ago. I heard she was transferred here from some hospital outside our district,” answered Akiko as she injected the needle into my blood at the same time. The skill of injecting someone had a disparity. Skilled people would get their job finished without letting you feel any pain. And Akiko is one of those who do it the bad and crude way. As the pain went through me, I slightly cried, “...uagh!”
“You’re so feeble.”
How dare she say this? It was her fault!
“If you’re a man, stand the pain.”
I had to stand the pain. If I had any complaints, she might not even tell me anything.
“What is the name of the girl?”
“Akiba Rika. Seventeen, the same as you.”
“The same as me...”
“You’re thinking something, right?”
She laughed at me maliciously again. I denied her solemnly, “No!”
“Oh, is that so? Hm...?”
She kept on giggling endlessly. Suppressing my anger, I continued to ask, “Does she reside in the east hospital wing? Is her sickness acute?”
At that instant, Akiko’s feelings slightly changed. She still kept her frivolous smile, but there were no hint of a smile in her eyes.
“She’s fine. Nothing about her.”
She was lying. I knew right what this meant. Doctors and nurses are even more reluctant to speak when the patient’s illness are more acute. People who rarely go to the hospital might not know what these words meant and really believe it wasn’t a big deal. Nevertheless, I had lived here for two months, and I was sure she was lying. The girl had to have a serious illness. A very heavy burden suddenly fell right into my abdomen. It was a burden close to grief and sorrow, yet there was a slight and subtle difference in there. Perhaps, I was slowly accustomed to the deaths in the hospital. It was usual for patients to reside in a hospital, students in schools, and policemen in the police office. Everything had their reason. There were other examples of the sort. For example, there are patients with serious illnesses who pass away without having any hopes. They could protest and complain to God, or they can go to a place with high altitude, and shout out loud, releasing their emotions. However, diseases won’t cease by such actions. It would slowly and gradually advance and bring death alongside it one day or another. At those times, the last resting place for one is to get accustomed to death. Very slowly, puffing out the damp and heavy breath accumulated under your chest—this was the only thing that could be done.
Using my special move, “killing everything in double speed”, finished the drop-feeding process in twenty-three minutes. Having lived in the hospital for some time, I had learnt different kinds of skills. For example, there were wheelchairs in the preparation room in the second floor. Wheelchair number two had loose front wheels that would give one the experience of hovering in mid-air. Its wheels woud spin in circles, making creaking sounds. Take another simple example. If you were to make any request to Akiko, she would forget it completely, and the head nurse, Yokota, wouldn’t be responsible of any consequences, though her weakness was too wary of having others to take care of matters for her. Checking the nurses’ patrol status could be said as the basic knowledge any patient living in the hospital would know. ‘Health Control’ was also a thing that couldn’t be forgotten, for should one’s temperature slightly rise, one would have to receive an injection. So, if they find a problem with the needle, they would have to adjust the temperature of the thermometer to the right position to perform the best temperature. Letting the drop-feed process accelerate was also one of those techniques, though it was out of the blue difficult to perform. The technique was essentially simple: turn the knob of the rate of the drop-feed tube. This simple procedure, however, couldn’t be employed with ease. Should one accelerate in a frenzy fashion, one’s body wouldn’t be able to catch up with the drop-feed’s speed and feel an urge of repugnance and to vomit. When I first adjusted the speed, I completely feel into such a trap and vomited everywhere on my bed. But now, I was a mediocre to skilled person of such act.
“All right. It’s over!”
Having been drop-fed, I immediately stood up. Twenty-three minutes seemed a pretty good result. Akiko’s set speed would at least be higher than an hour, so strapped on the bed for such a prolonged time was too bad a thing to do to myself. So I utilised the aforementioned technique. My sickness was only one of those carefree illnesses that can be easily treated. Drop-feeding was only supplementing the body with nutrients, so it wouldn’t really matter if I accelerate the process. Though if I were to use the same skill when being drop-feeding with medicine, dismal consequences would occur. I even heard that feeble patients doing this could be fatal.
Pulling the pin off, I stood up.
I didn’t have a planned destination I want to go to; all I wanted to do was to stroll around the hospital. Anyhow, my legs brought me to the east wing hospital, most likely induced by my subconscious. I stopped along the corridor that connected the two buildings. There was a saying called ‘Crossing the Rubicon’, which seemed to describe ironclad determination. Allegedly, there was a mighty Roman captain who broke the rules and led his soldiers over the Rubicon River, which made him the ruler of a vast empire. Although what I was going through shouldn’t be described with such extravagant examples, the corridor I was walking through really seemed long. Should I advance or go back? When such silly thoughts came onto me, I thought I was making too much of a fuss over a small matter, making myself seem like an idiot. No one would really die in an instant no matter what choice I made. Besides, did it even matter if someone I didn’t know died? It had nothing to do with me. As I persuaded myself, I leapt forward and continued advancing. I strolled along the corridor in an easy and comfortable fashion. Unlike the west hospital wing where patients would stroll everywhere at their own will, the east hospital wing had only complete silence. In this deadly stillness, I heard the walking sounds of a nurse along the corridor from afar. As I started to immerse myself into this sullen atmosphere, I began to become afraid of what was behind this silence. Yet, I kept walking like nothing had happened. At last, I arrived to the ward.
“Akiba Rika”
This was what written on the 235 board with a marker. I remembered it was her name. There wasn’t any noise coming from inside the ward, so she might be sleeping or undergoing a check-up. It was at this time that feelings thrust into me: if only I had a little talent in hitting on someone, then I could say something easy like ‘hello’ and talk about whatnot after knocking the door. With this progression, probably I could develop a nice atmosphere with her after a week, hands holding together after two weeks, and after three weeks...
What the hell was I thinking? These delusions were impossible to me now. How could I do such scary stuff? If I was really capable of, I should have had two girlfriends by now.
And as a result, I could only heave a sigh as I gazed upon the door.
“Sigh...”
I decided to leave the east hospital wing, leaving only the feeling of being defeated behind me. Having returned to the west hospital wing, there was still the silence of the east hospital wing surrounding me.
Akiba Rika, uh? As I spotted her from afar, I didn’t know how she looked like. Of course, I wouldn’t know what sickness she had contracted, or why she was living in the east hospital wing. I was completely clueless of her. If I had a chance to talk to her, perhaps I could teach her some techniques that could be used in this hospital.
“Have you gone out just now?”
Turning to a side unintentionally, I found Tada standing where my eyes landed on. He was too short to be noticed. Old and curled up, his height might just even reach my chest.
“Yeah. I was just having a stroll.”
“Isn’t it boring to stroll around in the hospital?” Tada smiled, making crackling sounds.
My emotions were still hung by the girl in the east wing hospital, so I couldn’t think straight. Even more, I wasn’t sure whether I was hung by the ‘east wing building’ or ‘the girl who resides there’.
Tada waved his head over to the direction of his ward.
“What’s the matter? Do you want to come in and have a seat?”
“Eh? Can I?”
At that instant, I couldn’t help but gasp and forget everything that was occupying my mind; the only thing that was on my head was—Tada’s collection. It was alleged that Tada, having lived in the hospital for ten years, spent most of his time in hospital searching for pornographic books and had now collected an enormous amount. Another patient aged seventy-three who lived in ward room 207 with diabetes once said with sorrow, “I can never be compared to Tada!” Someone else aged sixty-eight with a fracture in his right wrist bone who lived in ward room 215 once said with a similar sentiment, “This is too shocking,” and gazing to a distance as he said that.
“If I could be five years younger...”
What do you want to do if you’re five years younger? After all, those collection was as enormous as they were alleged so. I turned towards Tada’s ward. At last, it was time to do the wondrous inspection. I had always heard of rumours, telling Tada liked to play around with people and pretending and prohibiting people from looking at his collection...though I wasn’t those who really wanted to look. I just wanted to have a glimpse of what there was. Yeah. A glimpse wouldn’t hurt...
Tada opened the door as he nodded.
“Please enter.”
“Excuse me, then.”
But the door suddenly closed before me.
“Oh, I forgot I have a check-up waiting for me.”
“What? A check-up?”
“Yeah. Sorry. You know how scary Akiko could become.”
“Then let’s talk about it next time,” said Tada, leaving me with such a word.
I was left behind, standing in my original position.
“...”
That old fart who liked to cheat people around.
Inspection after letting me have so much hopes? Did he just remember it? Or did he simply didn’t...
Only now did I understand why Akiko would scold at the old fart.
The town’s Jaku Kanou hospital was situated at a high place in the town, and from the roof one could gaze upon the small to medium towns below. The town I was living in was a suburban area, with population no more than one hundred thousand. There also seemed to be a decline in the population gradually over the past decade. In short, this was a declining place. In fact, the shops in front of the station were closing down gradually. Some even said the only department store in the town was going to close down shortly. Although somebody devised a plan to revitalise the town a few years ago, the plan seemed to be called to a stop after some bumping into some problems. Probably this place would just decline, step by step, into its death.
The only thing that was renowned in this town might be the Ise shrine. The Ise shrine still serves the ancestors of today’s Japanese kings, and because of its long history, the prime minister would come to pray to them in New Year’s. This was the reason why the Ise shrine could escape from the fate of turning into dust and ashes.
“Wuaghhh,” I couldn’t help making a super loud yawn.
I was now leaning on the fence on the roof, gazing upon the town’s scene upon my eyes. There was a large forest in the centre of the town, and that was the Ise shrine. This place was originally developed because of the Ise shrine. There weren’t many commercial buildings in the town, as if the town was just an extension of the plain ground. As my eyes floated to the right, I saw a towering mountain. It was actually called the Dragon Head Mountain, though local people call it the Turret Mountain. I heard from them that in the past, when the Japanese army was still fighting with the American army, forts were installed on that place. There seemed to be also some of the debris of forts there. By the way, the people at that time was so bold to fight with such a big country. If I were one of them, I would perhaps be the first one trying to escape. Although those old grandpas bet on their strong will and dignity to fight, but wills and dignities are the dumbest words in the world. Are these things really worth betting one’s life on? How boring. As I thought of whatnot, I gazed upon the scenes of the residential areas.
“What are you doing?”
Suddenly a voice came from behind. I turned around, happening to find Akiko standing there.
“I’m only idling away time.”
As what I said was true, my reply sounded a bit dumb.
“Oh,” murmured Akiko. Bored, she took out some cigarettes from her nurse uniform. She held the cigarette in her mouth, lighting it up with strangely skilled actions, and deeply inhaled, puffing out a vast amount of smoke afterwards. Under the blowing, winter wind, it spun around and vanished among the air.
“Ah. The taste is great. Wonderful!”
I was dazzled. What nurse was this?
“Excuse me, can nurses smoke?”
“There are many people who smoke because they became nurses. After all, there’s too much pressure in this job. Everyone would steal a cigarette or two in the toilets.”
“Isn’t it a bad idea to smoke in front of the sick?”
“Uh? What are you talking about?”
I was glared ferociously for a moment. I decided to remain silent for the time being. It occurred to me that I couldn’t speak up in front of Akiko now. Nevertheless, Akiko suddenly smiled.
“Do you want one?” She asked as she poked her cigarette towards me.
“Ah? May I?”
“You’re a high school student anyway. Smoking a cigarette isn’t any big deal. I’ve started smoking a lot earlier. When I was at year three in middle school, I started using a specialised toothbrush to get rid of the smoke dirt.”
I didn’t take the cigarette in front of me. It wasn’t because I wasn’t interested; it’s just that I didn’t feel like taking it actively. But if one of these chances happen to find me, it’s all right if I try a bit...
I stretched my hand to take the cigarette.
“Then, excuse me...wuaghh!”
It’s burning! My fingernails! At that instant, I couldn’t make up what was happening. But after about three seconds, I knew at last what was going on. Akiko had, out of my expectation, burnt my fingernails with the head of her cigarette. No, ‘burn’ might be too much of an exaggeration; the fire of the head of the cigarette just touched my finger with a sizzling sound. I put my right hand onto my chest, crying out dismally.
“W-What were you trying to do?” I cried, my eyes welled with tears, fogging up my vision.
Akiko smiled maliciously, saying, “Idiot. Don’t get too much of yourself. Aren’t you a patient? How can you smoke? If you can’t resist such a little temptation, how could you get on with bigger ones later!”
One day, I would slice her apart. I had to slice you apart. I swore in my heart again solemnly. Even if I couldn’t really slice you apart, I would let you die in a disgusting manner.
I didn’t know why Akiko was enjoying herself at, but she just looked at me, smiling continuously. Though I tried to veil my intention of killing her, I was still scared of her power, and cringingly pulled my back together. Staying like this, we both kept silent for some time, gazing upon the town ourselves.
“What a small town!” Akiko commenced at last.
“Yeah,” I nodded, still trying to veil my intention of killing her.
“You should be graduating after one year. What do you want to do after you graduate then?”
“I want to study in Tokyo or Nagoya, but I haven’t decided.”
“Are you leaving this town?”
“I do have such plans.”
Actually, it was my primary goal. It didn’t matter what school I study in or what subject I take. All I want was to get out of this town. I want to have a glimpse of the world outside. It wasn’t right for a man to be born in such a small town and die with only the knowledge of this town.
“I want to go and have a look. Anywhere would be fine.”
I had always heard of this line on the television or in the magazines. But was that truly the thing they desire? As a high school student, I couldn’t go anywhere. I only had a few thousand yen to spend, mainly in activities inside the town. Even if I had to go outside the town, I would have to come back immediately for school. Of course, I had ways to apply for an absent leave in school, but my parents would never permit me to do so. Even without the restrictions the school and my parents give me, it was still unexpectedly difficult to go somewhere I desire. Humans are destined to be restricted by all kinds of things, physically and non-physically. And even more surprisingly, non-physical restrictions seem to be even more than physical ones. Every time I would think of this at night, I would feel bad about myself. Sometimes, in my heart, I would imagine myself living eternally in this small town. Then, I would feel melancholic and depressed and even have an urge to throw everything aside. But damn. This was impossible. As a result, I was still restricted by all kinds of things. I certainly understand why, but it was because I understood that I couldn’t stand it. First things first—I don’t mean I hate the town I grew up in. Not only do I have a certain extent of favour here but also a feeling of longing to stay here. Nevertheless, I don’t want to stay here forever, for this town appeared to me like the end of the world. I would only have this feeling because this was my birthplace. It was my deepest desire to leave here—probably not now, but one day I must.
“Is that so? It’s great.”
“Eh? What’s great?”
“I’m so jealous of you.”
Akiko’s voice sounded very rueful.
“This is because I would stay forever,” I said, showing a naive smile without any extra thought.
In the eyes of Akiko were a gleam of light that was inconsistent to her style.
“Hey. You’re right, but it’s easier said than done.”
“Really?”
“Really. If you only know this place, you would sometimes feel that it would be scary to leave this place. It’s just like how my cat resides in my house. When I take her out occasionally, she would be so scared she wouldn’t dare move an inch. It s all thanks that she was a female cat that she made her so strong when she scratched my hand. She’s really afraid of the outside world.”
“Oh.”
I couldn’t believe Akiko would use words like ‘scary’. With a bit of surprise, I gazed at her face, my mind only having the unrivalled, super Akiko—though a person like her would have some restrictions by things which couldn’t be seen.
Akiko laughed embarrassedly.
“After all, I’m a woman, unlike you men. Right, doesn’t that long bench trouble you?”
The long bench she was talking about was the one that was put in front of my ward’s door to block me from getting out.
“Yes. It’s surely troublesome.”
Akiko laughed, covering her lips.
“So, let me remove it.”
“Ah. Can you?”
“Yes, but there’s one requirement.”
“Requirement?”
“Can you go to find Rika and chat with her?”
For a while there I couldn’t make up what she meant. Rika? Chat with her? I spent some time to connect these words together.
“Do you mean the Rika who resides in the east hospital wing? I have to chat with her?”
“Yes. She comes from outside the town. I think it would perturb her to come to an unfamiliar town without any friends at her company. If you have free time, could you find her and speak a few words with her? If you are willing to do so, then I’ll remove the long bench.”
“Is that the requirement you’re saying?”
“Yeah.”
I should have raised my sense of vigilance back then. How would something so easy and profitable exist on earth.
“Okay. I’m fine.”
Nevertheless, ignorant, I only nodded my head briskly. I didn’t know why, but Akiko lifted the two edges of her lips and showed a smile.
“Thanks. It might be quite difficult first, as she’s a nice girl.”
Having stood up in ward room 225, I cleared my throat silently. It was to make myself more calm, as Akiba Rika’s room was just at the other side of the door. I study in a school employing coeducation, so girls weren’t rare to me; I had once even have a fight with the girls in my class. By the way, I lost in the fight since I clumsily grasped her breast as I fought. The soft feeling freaked me out, dazzling me and wrecking fear in my mind. My frantic opponent took advantage of this spare time to punch the hell out of me. I could still remember the hot and spicy feeling on my cheeks for a total period of three minutes. Just in short, girls weren’t rare to me. But still, to pay a visit to a girl I had never met would make me nervous. I glared hardly on the booklet in my hands. It was written by Akutagawa Ryunosuke, someone I had only seen in my textbook. It was alleged that the girl I was going to meet was a huge fan of Akutagawa Ryunosuke. And thus the following was Akiko’s plan: “I would first tell her you also like Akutagawa Ryunosuke, and you can utilise this point to get along with her. It’s simple!”
What a crude plan. However I look at it, it was a scheme without any basis. The more I thought about it, the more I felt this plan wouldn’t work. Whatever the case was, I wasn’t a fan of Akutagawa Ryunosuke, though I had heard of his name, I had never gave a good read of his books. What could I do if something about him was to be thrown out? Akiko bought this booklet for me. If I could have read this book beforehand, then probably it would work. But she suddenly threw it to me a few days ago and forced me to finish it in this short deadline, which was surely impossible. I swiftly turned my back. No way. Probably next time when I had first read the book. When I started my footsteps...
Crank!
A sound came to my ears. As I was emerged in my thoughts, my arms had carelessly clutched the knob, making me lose my balance and slam onto the door.
Then, a louder sound was heard.
Following that was a girl’s sound from the back of the door, “Who’s there?”
Nervousness rushed through my whole body. While I was numb, the sound repeated again, “Who is it? Who’s there?”
I swallowed my breath gingerly. I couldn’t escape now. If I were to be found getting away at the spot, I was dead meat. There wouldn’t be a second chance, and the long bench would revive. Right. This was the courage a man should summon.
I breathed deeply and opened the door.
“Hello...”
With that said, I entered.
It was a single ward, having the size of about six tatamis. There was a washing dish and a mirror, with flowers visitors had left immersing in the washing dish. The only bed in the room was placed right in front of the windows and the door. The bed was the hospital’s unique iron-made hard bed that—under use of many years—the white paint on the bed had already fallen off. Every old hospital had completely white curtains and beds. Even the walls, the floor, and the ceiling were white as snow. The girl was now in the room, alone, in a space that would mess up one’s perception of distance, exactly like an abandoned child.
“Eh...”
Surprised, she sat up in a hurry. As if trying to cover—or trying to protect herself—she pulled her bed sheets to her chest, looking lovely and charming. I couldn’t help gulping my saliva.
“Are you that person Tanizaki spoke of?”
Her voice was extremely light. Originally, I was first wondering who was Tanizaki, but then I remembered it was the surname of Akiko. Having gotten used to calling her name, I couldn’t react to her surname at the moment. I nodded my head in confusion.
“Yes!”
As I suddenly remembered, I showed her the Akutagawa Ryunosuke booklet that was in my hands. She smiled, seemingly delighted.
“I’ve read this one.”
“Ah, oh.”
“Have you read it too?”
How could I say I didn’t read it?
“Seems so.”
I pretended a smile, trying to get away with it. It felt like our discussion was heading somewhere nasty already...
“What’s the matter?”
“Umm...”
How could I know anything about the book? I had never read it.
“The ‘honey tangerine’ was the part I loved the most in the story. Although it was short and undecorated, it was a really superb story, do you think so?”
“Ah. Yeah. Right.”
I started to feel worried and perturbed. She slowly talked about the details of the story, like the endings, which I had no idea. Without anything else to say, I could just agree with her and try to get away with it, but of course these tricks wouldn’t work forever. Her emotions gradually sunk. Although I wanted to derail the topic, I couldn’t think up of anything to talk about. The more worried I got, the blanker my mind became, and my situation was getting worse quickly.
“Did you really read the book?” asked she, at last.
“...”
I fell silent, as I was not a good liar. If I were one, I wouldn’t find myself in this difficult situation. She also fell silent, looking at me steadily.
She just stared at me.
She just stared at me.
There weren’t any emotions on her face. Her eyes hid no emotions. I felt really bad, to the worst point. I would have never even fathomed I would be stared at by a girl like this. Her eyes had long cut me apart in a thousand slices. Without even having done anything, she knew everything. At that instant did I knew at last I had destroyed something very precious.
I was such a helpless idiot. I had destroyed the only chance given to me...
I could never get it back. In this world, everything couldn’t be reversed once it had happened. When a flower vase fells onto the floor, it will be crushed. When you don’t store well your progress in your video game, all your information will be completely lost. Once you hurt somebody, you will be hated. Nothing could be reversed or changed back to its original state. It was a dismal state. Although Akiko’s plan had its own problems, the one destroying everything was myself. It was all because of my rashness and stupidity. If I could change my feelings and pull out a prank, perhaps there would be room to go back and produce a chance for our relationship to improve. However, everything was too late. After some time, she averted her eyes off of me and to the windows. I had also subconsciously followed her eyes and looked afar. There was a small mountain, the Dragon Head Mountain. To me, born and raised up here, the Turret Mountain sounded better to me. In this long time, she just simply gazed at the mountain. I stood at my original position, unable to fight off the uneasiness off of me. Although I knew I should apologise to her, I couldn’t find the appropriate timing to say it. I couldn’t stay like this. Perhaps she was waiting for me to commence.
“Um...” I summoned my courage, but at that moment...
“Let me ask you. Do you know that mountain?” she asked, facing the mountain.
“That mountain?”
“Yes. The mountain over there.”
“Do you mean the Turret Mountain?”
With that said, she quickly turned to face me in a hurry.
“What did you say just now?”
“Ah?”
“Just now. Just now.”
“Um...I said the Turret Mountain.”
“Is this the name of that mountain?” she asked in high spirits, her eyes dead serious.
Cowered a bit by her strong eyes, I tried my best to explain, “Since long ago, there were forts on that mountain. So, the locals call it by this name.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Yes.”
She turned around to face that mountain again. Silence fell between us again. But unlike last time, there was a bit of embarrassment hidden in the silence. She wasn’t deliberately neglecting me, but she had some reason to gaze at that mountain.
I said behind her, “Um...I’m sorry for what I’ve done there.”
“Ah?”
She turned around to face me. Her face was full of question marks, unable to understand what I was talking about.
“Akiko, that is, Tanizaki, said it would be better if we had a common thing to talk about, so she gave me this...” I handed the book to her. “And told me to bring it with me. I didn’t lie to you on purpose. Um, I...sorry.”
Everything would end here. Most likely, I wouldn’t have a chance to talk with her again. She would most likely take me as a big liar of some sort. Yet, out of the blue, she smiled.
“I forgive you.”
“Ah?’
“This is because you have discovered for me something I have been looking for.”
“Ah?”
I had no idea what she was talking about. Looking at my puzzled face, she smiled again, “I have a requirement though.”
“Requirement?”
By the way, I was also requested by some ‘requirement’ by Akiko. Oh, probably girls liked to raise ‘requirements’...
“You have to follow my instructions obediently no matter what I request. Should I say I want something, you have to think of how to get it for me. Should I say I want to smile, you will have to say something funny or joyful to make me smile. Under this requirement, I’m willing to forgive you.”
She smiled again, but the smile had a malicious intent hidden within. It was like the smile of a little devil.
“Yeah, okay.”
I nodded my head, unknowing of what would happen. Merely having forgiven was enough to excite me and let me fly. At this moment, I wasn’t aware of what was happening, completely unaware that I had approached a swamp, my whole body gradually sinking inside. The swamp was shockingly deep, and once one drowns within, one couldn’t pull back. Nevertheless, I had no cognition of this. And to be brief, the days of my life as a servant began.
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