Junai - Volume 1 - Chapter 1

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Pure Love: Chapter 1


Long after that, I believed that it had been a fated encounter. If I didn’t believe that the events of those several days – the days when I was isolated from the ‘reality’ I had previously lived – were ‘tossed by fate’, then my body and mind would be crushed from shock. Now that I had finally crawled out from that darkness, I was trying to return back to living in the real world by convincing myself that what had happened had been due to fate. From then on, in order for me to continue living as myself, I tried to forget those days and reach Enlightenment1.

The days that could only be called – the descent into a fated distortion.


* * * *


The deadline, which happened once every several months, was approaching, and I, a systems engineer (S.E), had been busy completing everything on time. Ahh, I don’t feel good, I thought to myself, but that’s natural considering I had only gotten three hours of sleep per day for several days up until now.

When I realized that I was going to be late for work, I dashed up the stairs to try to get on the train, which had arrived at the platform, but it appeared that this was a bad idea. Suddenly, I was blacking out, so I grasped the stair railing to support myself. The crowd of people around me kept rushing by me as if I was just getting in their way. I heard the sound of the train leaving the platform overhead and accepted the fact that I will be late. I will just have to catch the next train, which was going to arrive soon, but I couldn’t even keep my head up. I felt that I was having a minor anemic attack. Cold sweat dripped down from my forehead and everything went black before me. I have to at least reach the top of the stairs, I thought, but I couldn’t get my legs to go forward at all, so I just crouched down on the spot for a while, still holding on to the stair railing.

At that moment, I heard, “Are you alright?”

Someone was supporting my back while whispering to me in a low voice. There are kind people in this society! ‘I’m alright’, I tried to answer the kind person, but in reality, I wasn’t ‘alright’ at all. I couldn’t even speak.

“…You don’t look alright.”

It seemed like the kind person could tell my condition just by looking at me. He began muttering to himself.

“Can you walk? We’ll get trampled over if we stay here. Let’s go up to the top of the platform,” he said and grabbed me by my arms, trying to force me to stand up.

“I’m sorry…,” I finally managed to breathe out as I lifted my head and looked at the kind man’s face.

“Take it easy.” He was peering at me and had a smile on his face when our eyes met. What a good-looking face, I thought. Even in my current condition, I couldn’t help but be instantly mesmerized by his face. At the same time, I felt that I was losing consciousness and accidentally collapsed into the man’s chest.

“Are you alright?!” The man’s frantic voice sounded distant to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the bag that I had been holding tumble down the stairs. Ahh, I need to pick it up, I thought, but I couldn’t get my body to move. And with that, I lost complete consciousness.


* * * *


I woke up to the sound of the commotion around me. My forehead felt incredibly cool. Ahh, that feels good, I thought as I parted my eyes open.

“Didn’t anyone notice you?”

As my field of sight returned, a young, attractive man was peering straight at me. He had a small beauty mark next to his mouth, and he smiled at me with relief. The moment I noticed the beauty mark, it somehow reminded me of something.

“Are you alright?”

I didn’t know for how long I had been staring at him absentmindedly, mesmerized by his face when the man, sounding worried, asked me that.

“Ah……yes…,” I answered, coming back to my senses, but then immediately I was captivated again by the young man’s beautiful face as he peered at me.

How could I think that a man’s face is ‘beautiful’? But the man before me was indeed really beautiful. His skin was white, which made me think he must be half-Japanese, and there was a shine in his large black eyes. He had long eyelashes that cast a shadow beneath his eyes and slightly pink cheeks that complimented his moist, red lips in an extremely charming way.

Of course I had never thought a man to be ‘charming’ or anything like that until now. He peered at me and pushed my bangs out of my face with his long, slender fingers. It felt nice and cool because his hands were cold as he rested the palm of his hand on my forehead. It startled me to think anything like that about a man, and I was so at a loss of words that I surprised even myself. At that moment, the bell rang signaling the departure of the train, and I finally came to my senses.

“I’m sorry……!” I quickly tried to sit up, because I had been laying on the bench that stood on the platform. I had lost consciousness by the stairs, so the man must have carried me all the way here. As I tried to sit up, I looked at his rather slender physique, feeling bad that he had to do that for me.

“You shouldn’t get up too quickly.” The man placed his hand on my chest and gently stopped me from siting up. “How do you feel? You’re still pale…are you alright?”

As his hand supported my back, his beautiful face came closer to mine, and for some reason, I grew flustered.

“I’m alright,” I answered and forced myself to look away from him. Out of the corner of my eye, the beauty mark by his mouth caught my attention. All of a sudden, a familiar face came to my mind, and inadvertently I quietly exclaimed, “Ah!”

I gazed intensely at the man’s face in a new light.

“……What’s the matter?” The man asked, slightly frowning and probably wondering what was wrong as I stared at him.


The small beauty mark by the mouth, symmetric facial features, and large dark eyes were all something I had seen before when I was a child and now, it clearly came to me.

“…How do you know that name?” He was so surprised at my quiet outburst that his face changed color.

“…You’re Suzuki-kun from elementary school at Kunitachi, right? We were in the same class. It’s me, Shimizu.”

I felt his grip on my shoulder relax, so I sat up by myself and peered intensely at his face as I told him my name.

“…Shimizu-kun……” The man – Suzuki – said my name hoarsely.

What a coincidence this was! How many years has it been since we’ve seen each other? I thought, calculating the years in my head. We hadn’t seen each other since he had transferred schools during the summer we were six grade elementary students, so it had been almost twelve years. I took a moment to reminisce those times. His face from back then and his face now were indeed the same face. Ahh, yes, this really is Suzuki-kun, I thought, smiling, and Suzuki returned my smile, but for some reason a complicated look appeared on his face.

I was just about to ask him ‘what’s wrong?’, but that look disappeared from his face, and Suzuki, looking worried, asked me a question instead.

“You’re still pale. It will probably be hard on you to ride the train…you’re on your way to work, right? Where is the nearest train station by your work?”


I slowly rose up from the bench as I answered his question, still not quite understanding why he wanted to know the nearest train station. I felt a little sick, but I could stand, so I thought that I could ride the train. Being reunited with Suzuki brought back such nice memories, but I had a pile of work to do today and if I didn’t hurry up and get to the company soon I would be very embarrassed to face my colleagues. I was just about to say my thanks to Suzuki for taking care of me, when Suzuki put his arm around me again and made a surprising offer.

“I’m also headed to Ōtemachi. If you’d like, I could go there with you by taxi? The roads aren’t as busy as the subway right now, so it would be a lot faster than the train.”

“No, it’s okay. I can ride the train,” I quickly shook my head and flatly rejected his offer.

“I’ll be late like this, so I was planning to go by taxi. It’s nothing to worry about.” Suzuki said with a smile. I would feel guilty if I made him late, so I couldn’t say ‘no’ this time.

“…I’ll pay for the taxi.”

I really didn’t understand why he was being so considerate over me, but in the end I couldn’t reject kindness. At the very least, I will pay for the taxi, I thought, and decided to accept his kind offer. Ōtemachi was around thirty minutes from here by car. I would have to pay for something I hadn’t planned, but on the bright side, this would be a good opportunity to talk to my old classmate from elementary school that I hadn’t seen for twelve years. Actually, when I saw his face, I was strangely drawn to him. This was probably because I had already seen him before when we were young.

Yet with all of this, for some reason I had a slight feeling that something was wrong swirling deep inside my heart. I couldn’t point out why this was, but surely this feeling would disappear once we started talking, I thought as I looked at Suzuki.

“Let’s split the cost,” Suzuki said with a smile, looking at me and tightening his grip on my shoulder. As we began walking side by side, I saw that he was rather taller than me. Besides that, his suit was concealing his built, but upon closer inspection I saw that he was actually more athletic than he looked. He’s like a foreign model, I absent-mindedly thought about these needless things as I looked up at the side of Suzuki’s beautiful face. Suzuki, however, for some reason did not say a word.


It seemed like a dream to walk side by side with my classmate whom I haven’t seen for twelve years. This coincidence is kind of a rare thing, isn’t it? I thought as Suzuki helped me descend the stairs. We headed towards the place where the taxicabs were parked in front of the station. Suzuki let me get in the taxi first and then he also climbed in, sat down beside me, and told the driver our destination – Ōtemachi.

“But still, it’s been a long time,” I said, because twelve years is considered a ‘long time’ and fixed my gaze at Suzuki’s face again.

“It sure has…,” Suzuki nodded deeply and said, “Do you still feel sick? You should lie down for a while.”

He stretched out his hand towards my forehead.

“I’m alright.”

I was also going to add that I was conscious now, but the moment the palm of his cold hand touched my forehead, my vision suddenly started spinning. Inadvertently, I grabbed onto the seat for support and automatically looked up at him.

“What’s wrong?” He gazed at me, a strange light flickering in his large, dark eyes.

“…Somehow…I…,” I was going to add ‘not feel good’ but couldn’t. Suzuki touched my forehead again with his cold fingertips. At that moment, everything before me went black and without knowing why, I collapsed in the taxi car seat, fainting for the second time.


* * * *


When I opened my eyes again, I was in a room I had never seen before. The structure of the room was that of a log house. Where in the world am I? I absentmindedly wondered, looking up the beams on the tall ceiling.

“……Ngh,” I sat up quickly, realizing that I was in a rather peculiar situation and place right now. The room was filled with a slightly sweet scent. Perhaps that was why my head felt very heavy. I got up off the bed and looked around the room, which contained only this one bed.

When I happened to glance at my wristwatch, I saw that someone had taken it off, and only now did I also notice that someone had taken off my suit jacket as well.

Where in a world was I?

And what time was it right now?

There was a single window with its curtains tightly shut. I came over to the window and fiercely parted open the curtains.


I was so in shock that I loudly cried out and stood frozen in place. On the outside of the glass window were narrowly spaced-out metal bars.

Why are there metal bars?

But before that, what is this place?

What in the world is going on?

I thought, standing there dazed for some time. But then I finally came to my senses, opened the window and tried to shake the metal bars. However, the bars didn’t budge. I could see that on the other side of the metal bars were dead winter trees and a lake. The lake that stretched out below appeared a dark black color instead of blue. Perhaps this was because of the poor weather conditions. Judging by this cold, the temperature was quite low for Tokyo. I closed the window and looked out at the scenery on the other side.

Was I dreaming?

I seemed to be awake, but for some reason my thoughts were scattered. This was probably because the heater was on causing the room to be very hot and also probably because of the sweet, strange scent that had been lingering inside this room.

I placed my forehead against the cold window glass.

First, I have to calm down, I thought, letting out a quiet sigh and closing my eyes. This morning, I had an anemic attack at the train station and my former elementary school classmate, Suzuki, had helped me. He was so kind that he had even offered to go with me and take me to work on a taxi and then…

What in the world had happened to me after that?

I came to my senses upon hearing the sound of an opening click of the door. If the window was a no-go, then perhaps the door? I thought, realizing this only now and looked in the direction of the sound. Next to the sturdy, wooden door, which was behind me, stood a tall man – Suzuki. This dark eyed, beautiful man was no longer wearing a suit but was instead clad all in black – a black turtleneck and black pants. Perhaps because of this, he seemed to blend in with the dimly lit room as he stood at the doorway breathing quietly. He seemed like a strange illusion.

“Did you notice me?”

I felt something was wrong by the way he talked so familiarly to me. He was approaching me, smiling as if saying of course it was he. At that moment, a feeling resembling fear grew inside me towards him.

“What……is this place?”

I pressed myself to the wall, trying to get away from him, but this only increased my fear.

“This is my villa……How do you feel?”

Like always, a beautiful smile played on his lips as he walked right up to me. On reflex, I tried to get away from him, but he grabbed my arm. He grabbed my wrist so tightly that it hurt. I winced.

“You should stay here for a while……are you hungry?” he said, then pulled me by the arm and lead me towards the bed. I tried to stay put, not letting him have his way, but was unsuccessful and had no choice but to forcibly get dragged back to the bed I had been sleeping on up until now.

“You’re Suzuki-kun…aren’t you?”

I looked up at him as he grabbed me by my shoulders and forced me to sit down on the bed.

“…How did you remember?” Suzuki looked down at me with what could be described as a sad expression on his face.


Looking up at him and staring into such eyes, I came to recall a distant memory…


“What are you talking about? Who is this Suzuki person? There’s no one here named like that.”

“No, that’s not true. Why doesn’t anyone remember him?”

“You’re a strange one. There was no transfer student by that name, okay?”

At that time, I hadn’t understood the reason for this. Yes, just who was he…?


“My real name, huh?” Suddenly, I heard Suzuki’s voice and quickly came to my senses. I looked up at him as he slowly drew his face closer to mine.

“What is……your real name?” My voice came out hoarse when I asked. I hadn’t even noticed how close Suzuki’s face had come to mine; it was so close that I could feel his breath, but for some reason I couldn’t move. He was so close to me that he was out of focus, and he looked at me with a piercing look, his dark eyes twinkling. I couldn’t move, and in fact, I couldn’t even look away.

“Let’s see…well, my real name is…” He grabbed my chin with his cold hand. Then he grabbed my chin again with his other hand. He’s going to choke me, was the thought that instantly came to my head, and I felt fear. Nevertheless, I couldn’t move; not even an inch. “…Is not Suzuki,” he whispered, gazing at me and slowly pressed his lips to mine.

It wasn’t his cold hands that caused a chill to run down my spine, but the warm sensation on my lips. The chill awoke my body from the paralysis. I tried to push him away, but he quickly caught me by the arms. He raised my arms up high over my head and lips still pressed to mine, slowly pushed me down on the bed on which I sat. I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me. When he pressed me down so powerfully, the warm sensation of his lips on top of mine disgusted me, and I desperately fought back by thrashing my arms and legs, trying to get away from him.

But I was as weak as I feared, and Suzuki continued pressing his lips to mine with ease. It was hard to breathe, so I opened my mouth a little, and his tongue slipped inside, finding mine. As I desperately tried to avoid it, I still forced myself to believe that this was a bad dream.

This is a dream. When I wake up, surely I will be lying on the bench at the train station, and the station attendant will be peering at me, asking me if he should call an ambulance, and the people around me – pushing each other around in order to be the first on the train – will be throwing me quick glances for I had collapsed at the platform and was getting trampled on by this crowd of people, and……


Suddenly, his lips left mine, and I came back to my senses. I hadn’t even noticed when Suzuki, or rather, he who once called himself ‘Suzuki’, sat straddled on top of me as I lay on my back. At the same time his lips had left mine, he also had let go of my hands, but before I could even try to sit up, he grabbed my shirt and ripped it apart without even bothering to unbutton it.


I flinched, since I hadn’t expected him to do that, and stopped moving completely. In that interval, he quickly undid my belt, and I finally remembered to resist. But again, he found my arms and with one hand, skillfully lowered my pants and underwear.


All still unbeknownst to me, I desperately tried to free my arms and legs as he removed all of my clothing. Being naked like this had only one name for it –unbelievable. Even though, I fully realized the fact that I was in a serious situation here; I was first and foremost, confused. I was panting from resisting so much and inadvertently, looked up at him as he pressed my naked body into the sheets.

“……Don’t struggle……”

His breathing was also heavy, but when he noticed me looking at him, he smiled beautifully at me.

“……What…are you trying to do……?”

His gentle tone of voice and his beautiful smile removed some of my growing fear.

“…What am I trying to do…?” He chuckled, narrowing his beautiful eyes, and brought his face close to mine again. I averted my face to the side, trying to dodge his lips.

“We’re finally reunited…let’s have some fun.”

With my face turned to the side, he whispered into my ear and put his tongue inside. A wet sound echoed in my head when he licked inside my ear. A shiver immediately ran down my spine from this sensation and I desperately started to resist again, trying to push him away because the feeling was disgusting.

“……It can’t be helped,” he gave out an exasperated sigh and pressed his entire body on top of mine as I struggled. I thrashed my arms and legs; my desire to get away from him becoming more and more desperate, for his calm demeanor terrified me more than anything.

“I told you not to struggle, didn’t I?” Suzuki whispered in a completely sweet way and suddenly flipped me over so as to have me face down on the bed. He grabbed my hips in his hands and raised them up high. My cheeks felt hot as they rubbed against the sheets. I tried to struggle again, but he parted my legs with his knees, spreading them far apart.


Before I could even look back to see what he was trying to do, Suzuki grabbed my buttocks and suddenly pressed something hot against my anus.


He forcibly screwed a hot mass right inside, and a pain – that felt like my whole body was being split in two – ran through me. I couldn’t help but cry out as I tried to crawl away from him. Consumed entirely by pain, I was unable to understand what was happening to me. When I had realized that it was his cock that he had screwed into my anus, he had already grabbed my buttocks and pushed himself in further inside me. The pain increased. Loudly crying out again, I tried to lounge forward, grabbing at the sheets and trying to desperately get away from his grasp, but Suzuki wouldn’t let me and continued to firmly hold me down. Then he began to violently move his hips. It was so painful that I shut my eyes and saw lights.

People say that when you receive a great shock, your thoughts start to drift, but instead, perhaps you start to see flashes of fireworks from so much pain. I thought about these trifling things as my thoughts began to drift.

He continued fucking me until I finally was unable to stand the endless pain tormenting me and lost consciousness.



* * * *


A shiver ran up from the lower half of my body and this chilling feeling caused me to slowly regain consciousness. Right before my eyes I saw black hair wiggling at the center where my legs met. Perhaps realizing that I had awoken, the black hair rose up, revealing a face – a beautiful white face and misty black eyes. And inside that finely-shaped mouth was……

His black eyes were narrowed in a smile, and as we looked at each other, inside his mouth he was holding…

He was holding my cock. He slowly sucked it up and down and licked the tip with his tongue.


It began to take form in his hands. A blood vessel began to surface on my growing dick. I couldn’t stand the sight of it.

Stop!” I yelled and tried to sit up, but at that moment I noticed that both of my arms were bound. While I had been unconscious, he had tied both of my arms up to the bed frame. I shook my arms, trying to untie them, but the knot was too tight, and there was no sign of it coming loose.

“…Are you struggling again?” With his face buried between my legs, he whispered in a singsong voice, continuing to lick my cock. He licked the underside with his red tongue causing it to twitch and leak out clear fluid from the tip.


Looking at my own erection brought me shame and disgust. I squirmed again, trying to get away from his grasp.

“It will feel better……” Suzuki said with a sigh and tightly seized my legs, preventing me from moving. Then he spread my legs again and pushed my knees up to my chest. Being exposed like this reminded me of the pain I had previously felt, and I immediately flinched.

“……If you put up a fight……it will hurt again,” he said, dragging his tongue from my cock down towards my anus. As he grabbed my thighs and held my hips up in the air, he thoroughly began licking the place he had previously hammered his cock in.


Again, a chilling feeling ran from my legs and spread up my back. The wound he had previously made began to sting from his saliva and this intensified the shivers. Holding my buttocks wide open with his hands, he twisted his hot tongue inside the opening. As he licked my soft insides with his tongue, the shivers began tormenting me again.

It was strange. It began to be difficult to call this feeling a ‘chill’, but I desperately turned a blind eye towards what the feeling actually was.

“I’ll do it slowly this time…okay?” Suzuki said, raising his face from my lower regions, revealing a smile. I only now noticed that he was already naked as well. For a moment, I was mesmerized by how beautifully proportioned his body was, even though I was in such a situation. When he stood up, I saw a mass of black hair above his hard cock, which protruded from his abdomen. This reminded me of the pain I had felt before, and I started to withdraw my buttocks away from him.

“Don’t do that…” Suzuki smiled, stretched out his arms towards me and grabbed me by the legs, raising them up and began screwing the tip of his erect cock inside me once more.


This time again, the pain was so great that it felt like my body was being ripped in two, and unable to stand it, I loudly cried out.

“Sorry…,” he apologized, chuckling. He slowly went in deeper. I writhed from the pain and buried my face into the sheets, trying to put up with it. Suzuki readjusted his grip on my waist and with a quick thrust, inserted the whole thing inside me. He gave out a small sigh.

“You’re tight…,” he said, moving my legs closer to his body, and I moaned from the intense pain which assaulted me.

“…You’ve gone limp……leaves me no choice then, I guess.”

One of his hands left my leg and reached towards my cock. I had no more power left in me to dodge his hand. With his cock still inside me, he began moving his hand up and down my cock.


He moved his hand so skillfully that my cock, flaccid from the pain as it was, began to take form again. I bit my lip and put up with the humiliation of getting hard from his touch. The heat and feel of his cock buried deep inside me, the sensation of his slender fingers toying my genitals, all accumulated and stimulated me.

“Can I move?” he asked, already starting to pierce into me, and I suddenly began to feel something other than pain. This other feeling was probably because he was rubbing my genitals up and down at the same time as he moved in and out of me, and probably from the continuous obscene, wet sounds, which came from the place our bodies met. It started to consume my mind.


I’m going to come, I thought, and at that moment, let out a small moan. As if enticed by my moan, he came inside me about the same time I spilled out milky-white fluid into his hand. Shoulders heaving, he slowly lowered himself on top of me. The weight of his body made me feel like throwing up, and at that moment, I lost consciousness as if trying to escape this.


1 Higan (Enlightenment): Buddhist concept meaning to cross over from ignorance and suffering to Enlightenment and peace.


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