「Pure Love: Chapter 2
I was dreaming.
I was back in sixth grade at elementary school. I had been absent from school for about a week because I had been sick with rubella, and when I had returned, I noticed that the classroom was short of one student desk. I had turned to my friends, “Where’s Suzuki?” I had asked around.
Everyone shook their head no and told me there was no such person.
“What are you guys saying? Suzuki – the guy who transferred here the second semester!”
Thinking that everyone was ganging up on me and playing a joke on me since I had been absent, I had gotten very angry and had lashed out at everyone.
“We don’t have a transfer student in our class.”
Not only did the friends I usually hung out with had told me this, but even the class president, Miyata, had answered this, sounding confused. I had thrown a fit right there and had told them to stop messing around. I just couldn’t believe them no matter what.
Someone had called the teacher, and I quieted down.
“Sensei, everyone says they don’t know who Suzuki-kun is!” I had explained the reason for my outburst to the teacher, but even the teacher had looked puzzled and gave me a shocking reply:
“I don’t know any Suzuki-kun, either.”
The teacher had pressed her hand to my forehead as if checking to see if I still had a fever. My classmates also had peered at me, looking worried. Then I started worrying that perhaps I was dreaming or maybe having a nightmare. This thought had overwhelmed me, and I clung to my teacher and started to cry.
Suzuki-kun – Suzuki Hajime-kun – was a quiet student who had transferred to our class at the end of October during the second semester. When he had stood in the classroom in front of the blackboard and said his name, I had admired his perfect-featured face. It was strange of me, a child myself, to have such a strong admiration for another child, but I admired him precisely because such a beautiful child as him existed in this world. All the girls had wanted to interact with Suzuki-kun. The boys poked fun at him by calling him a ‘pretty boy’, because he didn’t play soccer during recess. But perhaps because he was so good-looking, they had never bullied him. But at the same time, being blessed with such good looks had kept people away from wanting to be friends with him.
Although he was popular, Suzuki-kun had always been alone. Occasionally, I had spotted him going back home alone when I was also on my way home, but I could never gain the courage to call out to him a ‘let’s go home together’ and had just looked at him from behind with an unnecessary guilty feeling in my heart. I had prayed for one day to talk to him and become his friend, but I could never be the first one to start the conversation with him no matter what. I had secretly looked at him from a distance, because I knew that I too was only one among all of his classmates. Suzuki-kun had disappeared while I had been absent from school. I absolutely couldn’t believe that, so when I had gotten home, I asked my mother where Suzuki-kun had transferred. But when even my mother had told me that she didn’t know any transfer student named ‘Suzuki-kun’, I had stopped mentioning his name again. This was a strange thing to have happened, but I felt like I shouldn’t question Suzuki-kun’s whereabouts anymore. Shortly after that, I went into middle school and before I knew it, I forgot about Suzuki-kun.
Why had Suzuki-kun vanished from everyone’s memory? I had sometimes wondered about this strange thing, but recently, no, for these past several years, that thought had never even crossed my mind. However, this morning on the train platform I always used to commute to work, I was strangely reunited with him – he who had now become a strong, but still beautiful, grown man…
* * * *
I slowly regained consciousness. I looked around me, dazed. It was already dark inside the room, but my hands were still tied to the bed railings and Suzuki was nowhere in sight. I felt a chill and shivered a little. At that moment, his remains seeped out from beneath me, and it brought back memories of what had happened to me not too long ago.
Was this…a dream?
Suddenly there was a whirring sound and warm air started coming down from the vents in the ceiling. Since I was cold, I was relieved for this, but along with the warmth, the smell of our sex and another strange, terribly sweet scent rose up into the air making me knit my eyebrows.
“My real name is…”
What in the world had he meant by real name? When I moved around, the sound of the cord binding my arms suddenly brought me back to my senses. I had loosened up the cord, because I had moved, so I continued to loosen it slowly by moving my arms several times. I patiently continued with that, until finally, I freed both of my arms. As I rubbed my numb wrists, I slowly tried to sit up. When I tried to get off the bed, a dull pain ran through my body making me crouch down on the spot for a while and endure the pain.
Then I crawled towards the heavy, wooden door. After I finally stood up and grabbed the doorknob, I turned the doorknob with all my might, but the door wouldn’t budge. Once again, I crouched down with my back to the door. Could this actually be happening? If so, why was something like this happening to me? And if this was a dream then...
Why was I not waking up?
“How did you remember?”
His beautiful, black eyes had held sadness…
Beautiful – was the adjective that fit his eyes the most, I thought as I recalled Suzuki’s misty, black, twinkling eyes. It hurt to even sit, so I wrapped my arms around my knees and rolled down to the floor. I felt like my whole body was screaming in pain.
Before I knew it, I was back in my sixth grade elementary classroom, clinging to my teacher and crying. Arms wrapped around my knees, I couldn’t even wipe away my tears as I lay there bawling like a child.
* * * *
The next morning – it was probably morning, since it was bright outside – I finally woke up when I heard the opening click of the door behind me. Perhaps since I had slept on the floor, my head felt terribly heavy.
I turned my heavy head to look behind me.
“You slept here?” a surprised Suzuki said as he stood outside the door while holding a tray of food. Before I could reply to that, he entered the room, went towards the bed, placed the tray there, and immediately came back to me. “You’re probably hungry.”
He picked me up in his arms. He had on the same black turtleneck sweater he had been wearing yesterday. That sweater rubbed my cheek. The roughness of the material felt real, and I knew right then that this was not a dream. Realizing this revived some of the terror in my heart. Sleeping must have helped me think more clearly again. It seemed that he had not noticed my change.
“There’s nothing around here during this season, is there?” he said listlessly as he lowered me down on the bed. Then he placed the tray he had carried inside the room down on my knees and said, “Here.”
Casually arranged on the tray was a very simple breakfast consisting of bread, black tea, and cheese.
“Eat,” he said smiling sweetly and then was about to leave the room.
“Suzuki-kun!” I knocked the tray down on the sheets, got off the bed, and yelled out his name while taking several steps towards his turned back. Suzuki stopped walking and slowly turned around to face in my direction. I saw everything happen in slow motion.
“……What is it?”
There was no expression on his face when he turned around. Seized with immeasurable fear, I unintentionally took several steps back, until I hit the back of my legs on the bed.
“……What is it?” He slowly approached me. Trembling, I just stood there, looking at him, unable to say anything. Suzuki was immediately right in front of me and put his arms around me. He hugged me close to him as he continued to lock his gaze with mine. His belt, hidden beneath his sweater, dug into my bare skin. Inadvertently, I grimaced from the dull pain.
“……What is it?” he asked again as his hands slowly slid down my back and towards my buttocks. When he squeezed in-between my rear, I inadvertently gulped.
“I can’t know if you stay quiet,” he said as he continued grasping my buttocks.
“…Why!?” I yelled out in a shrill, fearful voice with my hands pressed to his chest, trying to keep him away from me.
“Why?” Suzuki hugged me with one hand and whispered into my ear in a calm, gentle voice. His quiet, gentle voice was ironically terrifying. Fear engulfed my body, and I couldn’t help but shrink in his arms. At that moment, Suzuki was probably looking at the bed over my shoulder, but perhaps because the tray was there, he pushed me down on the floor instead. He forced me to lie down on my back and forced open my legs. If he was going to do that again, I didn’t think I’d be able to resist like I had done yesterday.
Even if I resisted, I would be absolutely no match for him. It was terrifying to have to taste that pain again, but even scarier was his expressionless face right now. How did he see me in his black eyes? – I wondered as I nervously looked up at him. Perhaps sensing my gaze, he also looked down at me.
“Should I tell you…the reason?” he whispered in a very gentle tone of voice as he slowly came down on me.
I nodded twice like a lifeless puppet when he asked me that. Perhaps he found this funny, because he chuckled, narrowing his eyes. I was relieved more than anything that finally some kind of expression had appeared on his face and waited for him to speak again.
“…The reason is…simple,” he whispered, bringing his face close to mine. At the same time, his hand went in-between my widely spread legs and he inserted his long, slender finger into my anus. I grimaced at the foreign object, but as he slowly began to twist around his finger, I gradually became used to the feeling.
Strangely, as he moved his finger, my cock began to take form. I didn’t have it in me to even feel ashamed anymore. All I could do was stare at my cock as it grew erect. He silently toyed inside me for some time, but perhaps he found it funny that my cock was erect, because he chucked again, resuming his conversation.
“You remembered me……I thought I had erased our existence from that city, but you even remembered my name when we reunited at the train station. Already 12 years have passed, but my – no, our – existence still remains with you. When I think about what kind of consequences this would bring, I have no choice but to imprison you here……Oh, are you turned on? You look like you’re feeling really good…”
His tone of voice suddenly changed. Just as he had said, my cock had become completely hard, but that wasn’t all, I hadn’t even realized that he had added another finger to twist around inside me, and because of this, some kind of new tingling sensation had sprouted in me, but I desperately pretended not to notice it.
“…Fufu, I told you, didn’t I? That it would feel good soon…see? It’s already become so hot,” Suzuki said, raising his body off of mine and spreading my legs wider apart. Then he inserted yet another finger and began violently twisting it around inside me.
Immediately, a feeling of ecstasy welled up inside of me. I arched my back backwards and tried to suppress this ‘feeling’.
“So for now, I’m going to see how it goes. In order to find out why you remembered, okay? ……It’s okay. I’m not thinking of taking your life.”
At first, I didn’t realize that he was talking about the ‘reason’ again. His fingers attacked me persistently in my behind, and his affectionate one-hand touches on my already dripping cock were too much for me. I let my voice out as I shook on the floor and wished to somehow escape his black eyes.
“I thought the brainwashing had been perfect, but……there was a flaw somewhere, wasn’t there?”
He put his arms around my stomach and suddenly flipped me over. Then raised my hips up high. He had removed his fingers from inside me, and the now empty place continued to slightly tingle as if begging for something to fill it up.
“Bear with it…for a while. Until I find out the cause for it, okay?” he leaned on me from behind and whispered into my ear. “But, there’s no need to bear with this, okay?” he whispered in the same tone of voice, and then immediately after that his hot cock went into me. My soft insides squirmed as if enjoying the feel of it, and it seemed that this made him happy.
It did not feel like my behind belonged to my body. I knew it. This is a dream, I thought, tightly shutting my eyes, unable to stand the feeling. His thrusts were becoming too much for me, and I writhed and sighed from the continuous pleasure.
* * * *
After that, I spent my days naked in that room, unbeknownst as to how many mornings and nights went by. The days became monotonous and gradually my emotions became dull. I felt like I was living inside someone else’s body. Each time he brought me food he had his way with me.
“You’re already excited right in here.”
He was right. It was surprising, but my body had become used to gay sex.
“With just my finger in you, you’re already twitching. What a lewd body.”
Suzuki liked to verbally tease me. And I didn’t want to admit it, but each time he poured these cruel words on me, my body shook with desire and made me fall deeper into this inescapable feeling.
“Well, I wonder how many fingers can go in?”
One finger, two fingers – Suzuki counted as he slowly inserted his slender fingers, which were slender for a man, inside me.
“Even three fingers aren’t enough? Should I put in all five?” he said this terrifying thing, but never actually did it. He never hurt me. “I wonder… what does it take to make you feel really good?” he said in a singsong voice and came down on top of my naked body. Then he screwed his excited cock into the place where several of his fingers had been.
Suzuki looked kind, but what he did was atrocious. It made me fear that I was no match for him because every time he visited this room, violently seeking my body, he urged me to fall into a series of climaxes and made me lose all sense of time. Usually, he didn’t use bondage, but sometimes he bound my wrists when we did it.
“I need to punish you, alright?” He announced, smiling. The reason for my ‘punishment’ was that I hadn’t touched the food or hadn’t slept in the bed at night. If I were to guess, I’d say he was probably being considerate of me. However, when he tied my wrists to the bed during sex, it aroused me and made me fall into chaos more than usual. Suzuki didn’t only bind my wrists, sometimes he tightly wrapped a ribbon around my cock when I was about to come, and fucked me from behind.
When I begged him to untie it, he didn’t stop moving his hips back and forth and tightly held my wrists so that I wouldn’t be able to undo the bounds. Then he whispered into my ear, “Looks like you get more excited when you’re teased.”
As I shook my head and said no to the chuckling Suzuki, I really did feel a little like a masochist. I felt myself grow so ecstatic that it felt like I was almost going crazy, because he attacked me from behind as he toyed with the tip of my cock, creating this restless feeling in me of not being able to come when I wanted to come.
“Today, let’s see if you can come from just your nipples.”
When Suzuki found out that I was somewhat of a masochist, he took advantage of it sometimes. He tried to arouse me by making me feel ashamed of the things he told me and the things he did to me.
“How is it? Are you getting turned on?”
Just as he had said that he was going to make me come from just my nipples, he began to pluck at my nipples with such strength that it hurt.
I was completely unaware that a man’s nipples could also be an erogenous zone, until I felt my cock pulsate with heat and my body shake each time he tormented my nipples. My cock in particular was reacting to the pain in my nipples. He crushed them with his teeth and plucked them with such strength that I felt like they were going to come off, and with that, I grew so aroused that I almost felt like I was going to come, but it really is rather difficult to come from just your nipples. Feeling dissatisfied, I writhed as Suzuki caressed me, because I itched for the lower part of his body.
“That won’t do. I told you from just your nipples, okay?” Suzuki smiled, and before I even knew what was going on, he grabbed my hands and put them over each one of my nipples.
Suzuki smiled kindly at me when I questioned him, and then told me something shocking and far from kind.
“If I can’t make you come, then see if you can do it yourself.”
I can’t do an embarrassing thing like toy with my own nipples, I thought, shaking my head no, but Suzuki was not forgiving.
“Come on now, quickly.”
He was forcefully making me pick at my own nipples.
When I tried to take my fingers away, he said something very tempting all the while smiling kindly.
“If you toy with your own nipples, I will put it in as your reward,” he said, raised my legs and exposed my already twitching anus. I couldn’t stand it anymore. Abandoning my hesitation, I began to viciously pick at my own nipples.
“You toy with yourself and arouse yourself…you truly are lewd.”
It felt like an electric shock was running through my body. I panted, unable to stand it anymore as Suzuki’s laughter rang in my ear.
His misty black eyes stared down at me as I fell into chaos, and his red lips whispered dirty words. Just by the looks of this and just by listening to his beautiful voice, an unbearable feeling overtook my body, and my completely hard cock pulsated wildly.
“You’re going to come already, aren’t you?” Suzuki chuckled and stared at my bulging, dripping cock.
With this unbearable feeling, I began to pinch my nipples with all my might, and then finally reached climax, scattering milky white fluid everywhere around me.
“So you really can come from just your nipples!”
Chuckling, Suzuki raised both of my legs and rubbed his hard cock over my anus.
My cock pulsated wildly as it continued leaking semen, but then immediately began to take form again even though I had just climaxed.
“…Your body is truly lewd. Quite a greedy one,” Suzuki said in an amazed tone of voice, and my cock started reacting again to his malicious words and to his actions.
“I’m coming in,” Suzuki laughed at this and screwed his cock inside me.
My soft insides squirmed, having finally received what they wanted and tightened around the tip of his cock.
Suzuki chuckled again, adjusted his grip on my legs, and inserted his whole cock inside me.
My loud gasps echoed throughout the room. Suzuki continued to violently thrust, and as I listened to my own voice, I fell into a boiling pot of ecstasy.
* * * *
My days of lust continued. In the afternoon and of course at night Suzuki would stay in my room, but when I opened my eyes in the light-filled room the next morning, he was always already gone. It seemed that after indulging in ecstasy with me, he always left before the sun arose. I felt kind of lonely because of this. I didn’t know whether waking up alone made me feel lonely or if there was some other reason.
No, actually, I probably ‘knew’ why, but I desperately turned a blind eye towards it. Every day, Suzuki wore the same black turtleneck sweater and pants when he came to see me, and every time he came to see me, he had sex with me. All I did, besides writhe in pleasure, was sleep, because I was dead tired from doing this everyday, and as it continued like this, I gradually found it troublesome to even think. I only chased after the pleasure he gave me when he pried open my body. I didn’t care if this was a dream or reality anymore. I didn’t care about anything anymore. Sometimes, I gazed absentmindedly at the scenery outside the window – the clouds, the sun, and occasionally, the flicker of snow. It wasn’t like I had lost sense of tomorrow, but fatigue was leaving my body hollow and taking away all of my ability to think. Only when Suzuki had sex with me, did I actually feel anything, and that’s how I spent my days.
Yes, only pleasure stirred my nerves. Sometimes when we did it, in-between orgasms, I thought about the ‘reason’ he had previously told me for keeping me here. I was certain that he had said that the reason was that I had remembered him. He also had told me that he had failed in the brainwashing. At that time – when we were in sixth grade at elementary school – no one had even remembered his family. Perhaps that was the ‘brain washing’ he had referred to. Parents, children, and teachers forgot him and his family. Everyone forgot, expect me. Even though I had been mentally disoriented due to having a high fever from rubella, I had been the only one who still had any recollection of him. Twelve years had passed and I still remembered him even though he had thought that he had erased his existence. Was my existence a nuisance to ‘him’ or to ‘them’?
“My real name is…”
His jet black eyes had glistened when he had almost told me his name. Just who in the world was he? Were ‘they’ spies from some country? Or could they be aliens? I thought about this over and over as we did it, but when pleasure took over me, I stopped thinking.
When this happened, I didn’t care about the ‘reason’ anymore. I only cared about the strong arms, pinning me down and holding me. Beautiful, black eyes watched me as I indulged in pleasure. It wasn’t too long ago that I began to wonder, as I tightly wrapped my arms and legs around him while having sex with him, just how long could I hold him like this? Somehow, I couldn’t help but feel scared that the day will come when I would have to let go of this beautiful, well-defined back which was hidden beneath clothes.
Unexpectedly the ‘end’ came. One day, I woke up because I felt that the room was cold. The sweet scent that always inhabited the room was also gone. Shivering from the cold, I looked around as I wondered what on earth had happened. At that moment, the door opened with a creek and he entered the room. Somehow, he did not look like his usual self. He had a solemn look on his face. He was carrying my suit – the one I had been wearing that day he had brought me here – in his hands. As I frowned, looking at him, he simply said, “Let’s go home.”
And with that, handed me my clothes. At that time, I probably should have asked what had happened, but I obeyed him, quickly taking the clothes from him and putting them on. Then he guided me out of the building and into the car, which stood waiting outside. When I looked at the GPS screen, which told me the car’s location on the highway, I knew for the first time that the place in which I had been imprisoned had been Karuizawa. He didn’t say a word as we drove in the car and since there were no delays in traffic, it was probably a weekday. When I reached into my pocket, I discovered my watch. I looked at the date. What day was it anyway? On top of that, I didn’t even know what month it was. When we got on the Chuo Expressway, he muttered a single sentence I could barely hear as he sat in the driver’s seat.
“…I don’t want you to forget.”
What did he say just now? I thought, inadvertently looking him hard in the face.
Suzuki muttered again, still looking straight ahead.
“Don’t forget,” he muttered this time and didn’t open his mouth to say another word after that. For some reason, I, too, couldn’t say anything, and since the radio wasn’t on, we sat in this silence as we drove and stared out the front car window.
When we reached Tokyo, we got off the expressway. His destination was the train station I used to commute to work and it was also the place where we had happened to run into each other. He drove the car down the main street, which ran in front of the train station. We will arrive there soon, I thought, and I peeked at him as he sat in the driver’s seat beside me.
“…..Is it far from the train station?” He asked, perhaps sensing my gaze.
“About five minutes on foot…” I muttered, but the whole time I couldn’t suppress this restless feeling in my chest – should I part with him?
“Then, I’ll drop you off at the station,” he said, and then for the first time looked at me and smiled.
I nodded, speechless at his magnificent smile. He smiled at me one more time before returning his gaze to the front again. We turned on the roundabout and stopped at the bottom of the stairs, which lead up to the train station. My hand didn’t go towards the door, for I wondered if he was going to tell me to get out. The sound of a horn blazed. This was probably to tell us not to park here. Then a taxi passed by and the driver yelled some jeers at us. But since I continued to sit there, he got out of the driver’s seat, came over to my side of the car and opened the door for me.
“…When I first met you…” he muttered after he returned to the driver’s seat. “I think I fell in love.”
I couldn’t hear this last part too well. I think I heard what I wanted to hear, so I asked him to repeat himself as I peered at him.
When he smiled again this time, it looked forced, and then he suddenly grabbed my arm, pulled me close to him, and brushed his lips against mine in a kiss.
I was so surprised by this sudden kiss, that I didn’t even close my eyes and just stared at him when he pulled away.
When he muttered this, a horn blazed impatiently from behind. He put his hand on my back and let me out of the car, then stretched out his hand again and closed the passenger door. With that, he quickly drove off. Unable to hold back the tears in my eyes, I couldn’t move from the spot and continued to stare after the small red spec of light until I could no longer see the taillights of the car as it drove away.
People looked back at me suspiciously as they passed me by, but I just couldn’t leave that spot. As the ends of my suit fluttered in the wind, I stood there, in front of the train station, forever and ever gazing after his car that had driven away down this main street.
* * * *
There was uproar after that. It seemed that I had been missing for ten days. I thought that I should go to work the next day, but the moment I showed up at the office, I was attacked with, “Where in the world did you disappear to?”
The entire office was in confusion. Even my parents, who lived in Tokyo, came to see me at the office. It seemed that they had even filed a missing persons report to the police, and my mother clung to me, crying.
“Everyone was so worried!” she said, beating my chest over and over. When I was done apologizing to everyone, I decided to escort my mother and father back to their home, which I hadn’t been to in a long time. As I swayed with the motion of the train, I suddenly remembered:
“Do you remember?” I asked, turning to my mother.
“What?” My weary mother replied quietly, perhaps tired from crying.
“When I was in sixth grade in elementary school I got rubella, and when I came back to school, I made a big deal that ‘an exchange student named Suzuki-kun had disappeared’, remember?”
I guess I wanted to confirm this. That the events, which had happened up until yesterday, had not been a dream; that there really did exist a man who called himself Suzuki.
“Eh?” However, mother just gave me a puzzled look and began to smile, saying, “Oh, nooo!”
When I looked back at her questioning her what was so funny, mother continued speaking while smiling.
“Dear, you got rubella after getting the job at the company! Don’t you remember I even came to your apartment to take care of you?”
Mother laughed, asking if I was trying to be funny, and I inadvertently let out a little gasp. That’s right. It was around this time one year ago that I had gotten rubella. Because I got rubella as an adult, I had quite a high fever and had been very sick.
“Besides, what do you mean, you said ‘an exchange student named Suzuki-kun had disappeared’? …My dear, you went from elementary all through high school with Suzuki-kun, don’t you remember?” Mother laughed, adding, “What are you saying all of a sudden?” But then she peered at me worriedly with a serious look on her face when I suddenly fell into silence. “…Are you alright? What on earth happened?”
“…I’m alright,” I nodded, not wanting to make my mother worried. My memories returned to me in a flash, making me dizzy, and I was at my wit’s end as they say in popular literature. That’s right. Even in high school, Suzuki had always been in the same class as me, ever since the second semester in elementary school when we were in sixth grade, actually. Suddenly, Suzuki’s face became clear in my mind. He had an attractive face with slanted eyes and looked nothing like ‘him’. This made me wonder how in the world did that ‘Suzuki’ – that man – know me?
“Yasumasa?” Mother shook my shoulder. I nodded, letting her know that I was all right. Burying my face in my hands, I recalled his beautiful black eyes.
“I don’t want you to forget.”
He had muttered those words.
“When I first met you…I think I fell in love.”
Could it be that the first time he had met me had been at the train station when I had an anemic attack ten days ago? Maybe that was when he had fallen in love with me…? He had altered my memory and made it as if I had known him in the past. For that reason, he had held me captive, violated my body, and…
He had a sad light in his black eyes. Yes. I was already a slave to those eyes. I, myself, did not want to forget him.
“Yasumasa?” Mother shook my shoulder, and I silently gripped her hand to let her know I was all right. I couldn’t speak or lift my face. I didn’t want mother to see my tear-stained cheeks. The train shook greatly as it rounded a curve, and an announcement went off inside the compartment declaring the upcoming train station. It was the train station where I had ‘first met him’. We passed that train station, because right now my parents and I were heading towards my parents’ home.
Would I ever see him again? From now on, I would probably continue living with only that thought in mind, dreaming of whether I’d see those black, beautiful eyes again – the eyes of a person whom I didn’t even know the age, origin, or real name of – and praying for a new memory with him that would be spun by his hand.
* * * *
Long after that, I believed that it had been a fated encounter. If I didn’t believe that the events of those ten days – the days when I was isolated from the ‘reality’ I had previously lived – were ‘tossed by fate’, then my body and mind would be crushed from shock. Before I knew it, I began to hold myself as I remembered the powerful way he had deeply fucked me with his thick cock when he had held me.
“Your body is so lewd.”
He had said those malicious words, but his black eyes had narrowed kindly, and his fine-shaped lips had slowly descended, seeking my own. I clearly remembered that and felt extremely lonely that I could not be in his arms. I couldn’t stand thinking those thoughts, so today as well, I thought of him as just an image and tried to convince myself that the ten days we had spent together had been spent in Enlightenment. All the while, reminiscing about his misty, beautiful, black eyes.