Kokoro Connect - Volume 2 - Chapter 3

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Chapter 3 - Have Our Usual Lives Changed?

I was even perplexed of whether to go to school this morning when I woke up.

The dangerous battlefield awaited me outside.

Nevertheless, putting it to an end earlier could lower the potential dangers than trying to procrastinate.

According to that guy, hiding myself at home would only lead to chaotic situations.

Firstly, I may be incapable of hiding myself in my room.

For in this phenomenon, I would head out if my heart thought so.

But it was irrefutable that this method was somewhat effective.

This may be the only effective way we have thought of.

However, what would happen if I employ it on myself?

Once I get into deep contemplation, I would fall into an abyssmal hole.

How deep would I fall? Would I get hurt because of it? What would I see at the end of the hole?

I didn't want to know.

Such being the case, maybe getting along with everyone joyously was the way to go.

Through satisfaction could I prevent myself from having expectations beyond the line—perhaps.

It was, however, how to maintain a distance from them was the difficult problem.

It was common sense that one would want to get closer when they were too far from each other; however, if they were too close to each other, one would take the risk to get even closer. These beings are what we call humans.

At last, all the roads I could choose were bumpy ones.

I couldn't find an answer no matter how I think.

If I were to have a clear, straight, and kind heart, I might be able to do it, and I won't have to fear arising problems.

This was the problem though: am I a kind person?

□■□■□

"Yo, Yaegashi. You're so late today."

Having gone to school after half of the afternoon recess had gone, Yaegashi Taichi was called by his classmate, Shingo Watase.

"Eh...Something happened," Taichi answered him ambiguously and undistinctly.

The 'desire-unleashing' thing still puzzled Taichi to this date.

"How odd it is to see students as serious as you can be late."

"All students should be punctual, you see."

"Oh. Model students sure speak differently."

Giggling, Watase said playfully.

"Ah. Right. You're so unforunate today! You missed an important episode of your sweetheart. Yahh! That was epic!"

"Who are you referring to by my sweetheart?"

"That girl in that club of yours."

"You mean Nagase?"

"Oh...So Nagase is the one you're fond of."

"H-How did that happen?"

"Shouldn't Inaba and Nagase our only female classmates in your club? So, if you say Nagase's name when you hear the word 'sweetheart', it means..."

"Mmm...You set me up..."

Although he was bad at studying (or should I say he doesn't study), he was surprisingly smart.

"Geez, if it was not for your reluctance to say which one you’re in favour of and which one you’re just playing around."

"Didn't I always emphasize that I’m not in that relationship with them?"

"What? You’re not deciding to take over either side of those beautiful girls around you? Be more like it when you try to pull a lie out!"

Taichi admitted they were together in terms of boys and girls. Nevertheless, he still reckoned he shouldn’t be mistaken as a flippant man.

"Forget it. So Nagase is the one you favour. If you want to talk about it, I’m always here to help you. Don't be shy."

"I don’t need your help! No…maybe I do," said Taichi, breaking off in the middle as if trying to hold back something.

Surprised for a moment, Watase then snort-laughed and gazed afar.

"Is it? You have grown into this stage already. How rueful it is to have been seeing you walk such a long road…"

"We’ve only met for just half a year."

"Haha. Don’t mind that. I’ve got to go to the cafeteria. You should go meet your sweetheart, okay?"

"Stop saying that sweetheart thing…Ah, wait! Please don’t spread any weird rumors around!"

With his back in front of him, Watase waved his hand and walked away slowly.

Taichi saw him off.

After Watase had turned around a corner, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Sigh…."

Taichi heaved a deep sigh, leaning on the wall as if he was looking out of the window.

"Ahah…I was so nervous…"

Taichi murmured in a voice so low no one could hear.

His heart beated and beated.

If his desires were to unleash now…

He wanted to suppress it, but this fear still invaded his mind, there was no way he could fight it out.

"Can I even go through a day?"

He received a message from Inaba, which was also sent to other members: "Let’s stay as we usually do. Of course the precondition is that we can meticulously control our desires. Everything will be fine. Believe in yourself."

Taichi was deeply convinced of what Inaba pointed out yesterday.

He had to believe in himself.

If he could remind himself to refrain from thinking of strange things and keeping the attitude he usually had, everything will be fine. Believe in myself! He told himself.

"Taichi. Why are you late? What happened?"

As soon as he met Inaba, he was pounced with a question.

"If you were to say something happened, there sure is…but if you were to say nothing happened, maybe you’re also right…No, maybe my desires were unleashed…Wuaghh!"

Inaba squeezed Taichi’s lips with her right hand.

"That hurts! Please don’t scratch others with your fingernails!"

Taichi swept off Inaba’s fingers. His lips felt a bit numb.

"If you don’t want to be scratched, then please keep your voice down when you mention such things in the classroom. Please don’t let others hear it, idiot."

"…S-Sorry."

Inaba was perfectly right. Taichi immediately apologised for his mistake.

There were around half of the students staying the classroom during afternoon recess. Because the classroom was so noisy, probably there was need to worry for eavesdropping if you talk quietly.

"…If you can, that is, I still hope you can remind me by less painful means."

"Why not you stop acting so stupid? I don’t remember myself exerting any violence without reason."

Is that so? Sometimes it occurred to me that it wasn’t the case…

"So. What happened to you? Oh, Taichi. Your cheeks seem a bit red."

"Mmm. Is it still red? I thought it had worn off…"

Taichi incessantly touched his own cheeks.

"It’s still a bit red, but it isn’t noticeable without close examination. So, back to the question—what happened?"

"Nyahh. I was also freaked out. I didn’t know that kind of desire would be unleashed…It seems the desire unleashing thing lashed on me this morning."

"What desire was it?"

Inaba’s eyes sharpened; she also looked extremely serious.

"I’m afraid it’s…’the desire to sleep’."

"Hiyahh!"

Inaba vibrantly poked Taichi’s forehead.

"Ouch! Hey. That was some kind of voilence without reason!"

"Who told you to say something so peaceful and dull with such a serious face! Don’t make others feel nervous for nothing, you idiot!"

"T-That’s not as easy as it sounds. I’ve been tormented by it the whole day."

This morning, Taichi didn’t get up at his normal wake-up hours, and even how loud his alarm rang. When he was almost late for school, his mother called her sister to wake him up.

However, no matter how her sister shook him or slapped him, Taichi didn’t show any sign of opening his eyes.

His sister originally called him up like usual, but when Taichi seemed insusceptible to all her calls, her sister couldn’t help feeling afraid. Later she even used all her might to slap Taichi on the face, but Taichi still didn’t wake up, making her cry out loud reluctantly.

Hearing her daughter’s cry, Taichi’s mother also came to Taichi’s room to see what was going on. Yet, after she had checked Taichi’s pulse and breathing patterns, she said, ‘hmm. It’s okay. Maybe he just needs some sleep’, and hurried her daughter to school, going out herself too for work.

This was what Taichi learnt from the memo on the dining table and his sister’s message. (Most of the information, around ninety-percent, came from her sister.)

"Like mother, like son. Indeed."

"What do we look alike?"

"It’s that level of slow-wittedness and that aberrantly thick nerve which won’t waver in most situations!"

Bother. That son’s appearance was obviously wrong, yet that mother could get over it with just a ‘maybe it’s okay’. How bothersome it was for I to get compared to that kind of mother.

"However, from what you have said, your desires should have been unleashed. Is there anything different in your body?"

"No. Nothing is different. If I have to say, my mind is very clear now."

"That’s because you’ve had such a good sleep, you idiot."

Not bad was it to be told an idiot by Inaba—probably something was going on its wrong way.

"Have you ever heard a voice in your head?" Inaba continued, asking.

"At least I haven’t from what I can recall from my memory. But maybe because I’ve forgotten it while I was asleep."

"Oh. It doesn’t mater then, maybe the desire unleashing thing lashed on you while you were asleep and forced you to sleep more...You didn’t wake up once and sleep back, did you?"

"Ahah. No."

"Really? If that’s the case, we can prove that what that bastard said about desires in our subconscious can be unleashed is true—even when you’re sleeping."

Inaba crossed her hands at her chest, showing a face of contemplating.

"By the way, this episode is the longest in all the cases we have had…Yes, maybe the time length of the desire unleashing thing is very long, or maybe after your sister had did everything she could to wake you up, you still were sleeping even when the desire unleashing thing had ended. Forget it. It doesn’t matter whatever it was since it have ended. You’re lucky that it happened when you’re sleeping at home."

"Let’s take it like that then…Oh, there is something that I’m very aware of just then."

"Nagase has been lying on the table, not moving an inch…Was it because that the desire unleashing thing happened and she coincidentally wanted strongly to sleep?"

Taichi and Inaba had been talking beside her, but Nagase Iori didn’t have any sign of joining their conversation, and she wasn’t moving a bit.

"You don’t need to be worrying about this, but…the trauma she has is a bit bothering. After all, I’ve reminded her not to be too dejected."

"What…happened?"

Taichi thought of Watase’s telling him this was some important incident.

"Taichi’s asking you."

Inaba put her hand on Nagase’s shoulder.

"Wuaghh..."

Nagase cried, slowly lifting up her head. She had a wan and pallid face, with her eyes all red, blood vessels stretching her eyeballs. Her hair bundled at her back also drooped as if it was also dejected.

"What? What happened?"

Taichi asked frantically. He was convinced something acute had happened.

"Hey, Taichi…"

"What?"

"Taichi…Have you ever tried in a serious time, or a serene space everyone is in…like in a cinema or when having a test at school…suddenly you have an impulse in your heart that you want to destroy this quietness?"

"Uh? I rarely have this kind of impulse…but I can understand. Or should I say, you are those who would have this impulse…"

Can it be…

Taichi’s face tensed.

"Today when everyone had settled down in a quiz…I suddenly wanted to shout…so I couldn’t help but to shout out loud ‘Yaaahooo’…"

What a tragedy.

"And you also used an abnormally standard English tone, accentuating it with my raising left hand and a jump."

"I-Inaban…don’t pour salt on my wound…"

Taichi was almost sure it was an extremely surprising scene.

"You got away by telling the teacher you have been sleeping too much, so there wasn’t any actual loss."

Inaba added.

"So, how did everyone react?"

Taichi asked Inaba, with a bit hesitance and fear.

"Of course everyone was freaked out. Then they burst into laughter. Nevertheless, everyone thought it was a normal thing that Iori would do, so everything returned to normal afterwards."

"This is the most stunning! When I cried ‘Yaaahooo’ in class, everyone thought it was normal for me to do…How does everyone look at me…Wuaghh…"

Nagase swiped her tears away with a handkerchief.

"Oh, so Nagase has that thought in her heart to shout ‘Yaaahooo’ loudly in class…"

"Taichi…Please don’t use such a calm tone as if you can understand everything…if it wasn’t for the desire unleashing thing that forced me to act, I definitely wouldn’t do that…"

"By the way, your desires are truly…peaceful."

Inaba murmured, marking the end of their conversation.

This was more of a stable and calm scene that appeared during the afternoon recess in class 1C.

□■□■□

It was after school when Taichi had grudgingly got through the lessons that day.

Taichi’s nervousness had slightly been relieved.

Though he still had to be aware of his actions, but with his helping fellows from the club, he as well as the other club members had regained peace.

Today there were only four club members in the club instead of five.

Kiriyama Yui was absent again.

The club members discussed whether they should go check out how she was doing. After a while of discussion, they decided to directly phone her, but she only said that she would go to school after all that turmoil she induced had cooled down, and that it was fine if they didn’t went to see her. For her response seemed unwilling for others to see her, they decided to cancel their visit.

"After «Heartseed» appeared, the fact that Yui hasn’t yet seen that guy directly is bugging me…Fine. Let it be. We’ve phoned her enough times and sent her enough messages. It’s best to let her calm down alone…" Inaba lowered her eyes, murmuring to herself.

"Rats. Is Yui all right? It was all because of «Heartseed»…She cried very hard during the fight at the station. If Yui cries again, I’ll never forgive him!"

"Aoki, let me ask you. State five good points about Yui!" Inaba suddenly shouted.

"Adorable! Bright! Strong! Super adorable! Pretty hair! Petite! Chaste! Like a child in the good side…Apparently five is not enough!"

"Stop saying ‘adorable’ two times. Oh, you even said eight."

Taichi retorted in a low voice.

"So, Aoki, has your anger dissipated yet?"

"Nyahh? Was I angry? Ah…I seemed to be a bit unsatisfied with «Heartseed». What happened?"

"Didn’t I say yesterday that we should not have too intense feelings? If our thoughts aren’t a big deal, so will our desires."

"You’re right. But I almost…" dejected, Aoki drooped his head, showing a sign of introspection.

"Yes. If the desire unleash thing happens, and you want to shout in your heart ‘Yaaahoo’, that will be all that is needed to make it happen."

"Aye, Taichi. Is that a new way of bullying? Is that bullying?" Nagase asked, pulling Taichi’s shirt.

At this moment, Aoki suddenly lifted his drooped head.

"By the way, didn’t Inaba say it’s better to act normal? Mmm…what should we do?"

"Actually lowering our desires is the best way, but it’s difficult for us to control perfectly our emotions. So as to speak from the premise to prevent big troubles, we shouldn’t suppress it too much, act normally, and think of other things to calm ourselves down when we get strong emotions like anger," Inaba explained.

"Yeah. So I can think of Yui’s things when I feel not pleased or angry to calm myself down."

"That’s about it for you," Inaba nodded her assent unwillingly.

"Ok. Let me try. One Yui, two Yui, three Yui…"

"Are you counting sheep?" Taichi retorted.

"Four Yui…uh? I want to see Yui very much now! Oops…I have an impulse of rushing to her side! Is this an unleashing of desire?"

"It’s so dumb I don’t want to retort, but to prevent things from getting worse, I’ll have to tell you first. You need to know how that unleashing of desire happens! So basically there isn’t any unleashing of desires at the moment!" Inaba knocked potentially on Aoki’s head.

"Inaban. Calm down. Calm down. You’re the one who proposed we should always be calm."

Having pointing this out, Nagase continued to murmur, "However, I’m still worried about Yui who fought down those guys at the station…Yui must have felt a large impulse on so many levels…"

Kiriyama had androphobia, but her fighting skills sometimes even overpower boys.

Taichi remembered Kiriyama on the verge of tears when she showed him her agonies.

Taichi wanted to protect her. He knew he had to protect this girl with a petite body who was suffering in pain.

[Save her!]

A voice rang in his head.

Suddenly his conscious left his body.

Nevertheless, his conscious was still clear. His body also heated up at the same time.

Taichi stood up as if kicking his chair away.

Everybody was shocked at this site.

Taichi wanted to tell everyone this is because of the unleashing of his desires, yet he couldn’t open his mouth by his conscious.

An impulse of wanting to rush out immediately overfilled his mind.

Yet, he didn’t want to do this.

Two things in his body were fighting with each other.

"I’ll go out for a bit."

Taichi said something plainly and headed out to the door.

"Is it…an unleash of his desires?"

He heard Inaba’ voice from behind his back.

Everything seemed to escape from his sight.

Only one thing was in his mind, and he had to do it.

He really wanted to stop, but he couldn’t.

Taichi decided to dash away.

"W-Wait, Taichi!"

"Wait, Taichi!"

Nagase and Aoki held onto Taichi’s right hand and left hand respectively.

Taichi twisted his body, trying to shake their hands off.

"Get a hang of yourself, Taichi! Count Yui in your head like what we just said! Ah...is that ineffective for Taichi?"

He could hear Aoki’s voice.

"Taichi! What is wrong with you? What do you want to do?"

He could also hear Nagase’s voice.

Taichi spew out the words of the impulse that filled his body.

"…I must go and save her…I must save the Kiriyama who is in deep sorrow at the moment…"

Bang!

Inaba, coming out of nowhere, punched Taichi right at the face.

"How vigorous can you act when you want to help people? It’s disgusting."

Taichi agreed with her. After all, everyone decided just then not to visit Kiriyama today.

Nevertheless, Taichi couldn’t stand the pain when he had thought that fact that Kiriyama maybe in sorrow at the moment. He wanted to help her immediately.

Taichi shook off their hands, yet he was caught right again right at the spot.

"Calm down!"

Nagase pulled Taichi’s hand.

"The desire to help Yui…maybe it doesn’t really matter if we let him go…but surely it’s better to stop him. Okay. Iori, embrace Taichi!"

"Understand! Inaban…but why me? If you want force, Aoki should be the guy," Nagase refuted.

"No. I thought of an idea. If we create a desire that can transcend all other desires Taichi has, maybe the desires that would be unleashed would change, or maybe the desire unleashing thing would end…Don’t you think so?" Inaba elucidated. Taichi tried to evade Inaba and advance forward, but Inaba quickly stopped him.

Taichi wriggled in the three’s suppression.

"Though the chance of success is low, it’s worth a try, so go ahead! Embrace him from below! Do your best to evoke Taichi’s perverted thoughts. Quick!"

"Say it slower…Eh, though I don’t hate to do it!"

"Iori, go ahead, do it for Taichi!" Aoki also said, echoing Inaba’s words.

"Do you guys really want to save me? You seem like playing," Taichi cried, shaking off everyone’s hands.

"Do you have any problems?" Inaba said nonchalantly.

I didn’t expect she would say in such an unregretful tone. What should I do?

"This doesn’t look any dangerous. That’s the idiot who loves to sacrifice, who loves to put others in front of himself, for you."

After Inaba had said that nonchalantly, Nagase pointed at Taichi and said, "By the way, Taichi. Have your spur of the moment ended?"

□■□■□

"Looks like the duration of the episode varies from around ten or so seconds to a few minutes," Inaba said in the clubroom, which has returned its serenity.

"What about that unleash of the desire to sleep I had this morning?"

"…Um, I hope that’s an exception," Inaba furrowed her eyebrows as if she was shot right at the painful point.

"The time is quite short…could we say that? If that’s the case, even if we have things we want to do, if we don’t act it out immediately, probably the episode will end before we even carry it out," Nagase analysed.

"Perhaps there are a lot of these situations."

Having confirmed Inaba’s assent of her opinion, Nagase continued, "So, probably nothing will happen if we always have wishes that can’t be granted immediately."

"But, aren’t those things we want to do, that are instant, things around us? I think we would have them in our conscious when we aren't paying attention."

After Aoki had said that, Nagase covered her face with her hands.

"Ao-Aoki refuted me with such a serious tone!"

"Is there a need to feel surprised? Iori! I also have my times of acting serious!"

"Compared to our evoking of turmoils and events, that guy surely earns pleasure by observing our doubts and pain. Is the wavering in our hearts and our relationships the true thing that matters to him? Then this will explain that he doesn’t want to make the episode troublesome but to use it as an induction of our wavering. If we take it like this…"

When Aoki and Nagase were debating with each other vigorously, Inaba began to make presumptions and inferences at a side. Taichi could tell she wasn’t completely bluffing in front of «Heartseed» when she told him they will fight to the end. She was indeed Inaba.

Inaba stood upright, bitting her nails, falling into contemplation.

Taichi looked at her, and thus their eyes met.

"Why are you making sheep eyes at me?"

"I make sheep eyes at you…No, maybe my eyes originally look like those of a sheep?"

If that was the case, then how terrible would that be. It felt I would be too afraid to stare at girls anymore.

Then, this time Inaba made sheep eyes at Taichi.

"W-What?"

"Heh. I think Taichi is undoubtedly the most dangerous in this phenomenon."

"What do you mean?"

"Because you will die for someone even when you have conscious, won’t you?"

If someone had to die, Taichi proposed it was him.

"If the desires deep in your heart really get unleashed, who knows what will happen. To tell the truth, I even think it will be frightening."