Kokoro Connect - Volume 2 - Chapter Ep

Epilogue

"I'm out."

In the morning, Inaba said and closed the door of the gate.

She turned back and glimpsed at her brother, a university student, looking back at her on the stairs with an in-awe expression.

"...Himeko, don't you usually go out without leaving a word?"

"Quiet, you idiot!"

She slammed the door and went outside.

The morning air was getting colder and colder, but today was bright and good so the afternoon should be warmer.

After a week of tutoring outside of school, «Heartseed» unpredictably appeared in the clubroom. He appeared as Gotou Ryuusen, the teacher of class 1C, as though it was taken for granted.

What he said was concise.

It was that the condition had become uninteresting now and the most interesting stuff had happened so he decided to terminate it now.

After that, that bullshit phenomenon ended.

What he said about "Everyone seemed to be used to this...and had also developed immunity..." made us speechless; because we could not do anything to what he said, we left him alone.

Will there be another one? I think there must be. The next time we will have to plan a complete counterattack to defeat that guy.

But to be honest, to counter «Heartseed» is a bit difficult and the odds seem against us.

Nevertheless, even if he produces another strange phenomenon, we will have ways to solve it—I will think of a way.

This way of thinking is just like Taichi...Inaba thought and gave a slight smile.

Why do those guys furrow upon seeing me smile by myself on a road? I did not really smile that exaggeratedly...or did I?

Inaba thought afresh as she walked on the road to school.

Why would I like Taichi?

Was it because he is the boy I talk with the most?

Was it because he would sacrifice himself to save others no matter who they are?

Was it because he also saved me?

All of these do not seem right; let me look a bit deeper.

It is strange for me to say this, but my personality is greatly twisted; and because of this I would act depending on my gain and lost. If I ever found a loophole, I would want to exploit it.

I could not help but think that the people around me would think the same as me because I am that kind of person.

Maybe others would also act depending on their gain and lost. If I lower my guard they will maybe exploit it—I could not help but think like this.

So, I made a firm wall around myself.

Because of my extreme timidity, I tried to collect more information than other people to make myself more advantageous; I would make myself look strong in order to prevent myself from being attacked, and that made me trapped in a nutshell.

Problems would not arise if I trap myself. For example—like how Yui faced this phenomenon.

Maybe I had that feeling all along, but I had not met any scary things even when I am so timid.

When I trap myself, however, what I could gain was little, because on many occasions I was unable to pursue what I really wanted. Even if what I want was put in front of me, I could not stick my hand out because I was afraid I would get hurt.

So in the end I kept losing things; but I would not suffer any pain from that so I did not lose my feelings.

The truth is, however, I had already lost them.

I had lost a lot of things, including important things.

It was indeed painful and tiresome to expose the truest me. I would get hurt easily because there were not any protective gears, nor could I deceive myself into believing it was only a scar on the surface. But because of my living as myself I could have another spectacular taste of life.

This should be said as high risk and high return, right?

It was not until I met Yaegashi Taichi, who had no protective gears that I tried presenting the real me; before that, I thought that the real me was extremely ugly and no one would care for the real me.

Taichi's bluntness made me afraid; his honesty scared me; and he always used his truest self in a match.

He was so powerful that I could not match up to him.

Am I wishing to be like him? — maybe a little different from that.

Do I want to know the secret of his power? — this may be possible.

The most important thing was I extremely wanted to believe in myself to have a match with Taichi using my real self.

Of course, the things that a girl like me would know was not a big deal. Or maybe what I got is all wrong from the beginning to the end.

This, however, was what I thought.

Before, I just longed to safeguard my own world, but after I entered the Cultural Research Club I found out it did not work. There were too many things I did not know. If I kept living like this I would be left alone, and so, I tried to slightly open my world.

I want to include the five of us members in my world.

I like this kind of world which delights me.

When I decided to pursue this world I tried to use my real self to make contact with the outside world. I want to get rid of the nutshell and directly feel—feel the happiness that I wouldn't feel if I kept hiding in the nutshell.

After that, I was interested in Taichi who has no shell and would sometimes even break the shells of others.

Maybe this was the reason.

I tried to look for a reason...but did I find it?

Maybe, it was something that could not be explained by theories.

In other words, there was no reason.

It was only some kind of imagination women naturally have.

Although I pretended to be omniscient, I do have a stack of things I do not know. Or maybe I was the most ignorant person in the Cultural Research Club because I hid in my shell.

Living in an environment with only brothers was also a reason. But the most important thing was that I was afraid I would become a weak girl, so I always posed a strong attitude like a boy. I thought I would be easily exploited if I were belittled.

But maybe it was better if I could be a bit more like a girl.

I feel that a new world is opening.

Though I reckon that I could not change anything now.

I hate being someone that could do nothing but be protected like a 'princess'. I also hate others crossing certain boundaries and stepping into my heart, so I always reject others from calling me 'Himeko'. But first let me allow others to call me by my name.

"Himeko."

I tried to mutter in an extremely low voice.

...It did not feel right; I should wait for a little later to do this.

I could see the school and the increasing numbers of pedestrians.

Because of the 'unleash of desires', I have held back. But it was time to accelerate and do my best. Let me fight head on with my all my might to pursue what I want.

Let me become a greedy person so as to say what I want.

And then, let me like myself.

I must first like myself to state my like for someone else.

How could one say "please like me" but hate oneself?

This was my first love.

How could I concede?

The reverse strike of Inaba Himeko starts now!

The conditions given are unfavourable, but this is just right. After all, however I try persuading them, they do not seem to progress. Even if their relationship had reached the ending mark it would not be a problem as long as I hurry to there from the outside in one gulp of air. I would never lose.

I, however, do not plan to go in hot pursuit. Holding things and not letting go forever is not my personality. Utilising ideas and plans to let him not help but fall in love with me was my way.

But I would give up when I lost.

Because it is not a tragedy.

Even if I were dumped, Taichi, Iori, Yui and Aoki will still be at my side.

This friendship bond we have will be unbroken even if I do not do my best to protect it.

So let me open the door! Through this I could see the path. I did not know before; but now I do. By pursuing and leaping forward I could know so much more.

For example, I found out something recently.

Humans are not creatures who just suspect, hate, dislike, keep distances, hide, escape, abominate, and reject.

Humans live to love and be loved.