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Kokoro Connect - Volume 3 - Chapter 6




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Chapter 6 - Goodbye

A new year begins.

For the ordinary people, this was a significant moment. But it obviously didn't matter to those people.

On the New Year Day, Nagase, Kiriyama, and Aoki were all affected by 'Time Regression'.

Even though they were caught in such abnormality, it was humiliating just to think that they were basically forced to adjust their lives to the phenomenon... Therefore, under Inaba's insistence, they went to their Hatsumode. It did not end well.

"To think we ended up like this on the first day of the year... I don't even wanna think about what's gonna happen to us for the rest of the year."

Inaba, who was next to Taichi, remarked on their way back to the abandoned apartment from the shrine.

"I think I'm beginning to feel it too... both in the physical and mental sense..."

It was not the first time where three of them were transformed by 'Time Regression'; there was even one occasion where everyone but Taichi were affected (fortunately, the age of all four of them after being reverted were on the older side of the scale). For that reason, Taichi had become extremely worn out.

He had never felt such melancholy on a New Year's Day.

Taichi sincerely pray that, this was not their luck sign for the rest of the year.

 

□■□■□

 

The next morning, Taichi felt his sister approaching him from the stairs behind him just as he was getting ready to leave.

Taichi, who was fully expecting to be lectured "Are you going out again" by her, prepared himself and turned around.

Apparently, he should have prepared himself for something else.

The being that did not belong to this reality.

«Number Two», with his sister's body, was standing right there.

"...It has been a while."

Taichi forgot to breathe for a moment.

Why did he come here?

Why possess his sister again?

"Are you tired?"

"...Tired... Very tired, can you please stop it?"

It had become increasingly difficult for Taichi and the others to excuse themselves from their families.

Taichi was beginning to submit to his accumulating stress.

At this rate, he and the other members would eventually get caught in extremely dangerous situations.

Even though one could argue that it had already happened.

"Will not stop. Because there is still no answer yet."

«Number Two» paused for a moment.

"...But he already found out. Shall it end? But, just a little more..."

"End?"

Was he willing to end this phenomenon? This was exactly what he was hoping for, right?

"Hey... Are you planning to end it, «Number Two»?"

"...Maybe."

«Number Two»'s flat tone was discouraging for Taichi.

Make up your mind, he thought.

"Something will happen soon, what will it be? Maybe I will find out?"

Find out what?

"But... very tiring."

"Of course it's tiring. But what are you referring to that is 'tiring'?"

"...You will know if you observe the inside of the heart... very tiring. Have you not noticed?"

"No..."

Taichi knew how shaken and exhausted everyone must be. He was also fully aware of the potential outbreak regarding Kiriyama and Aoki's relationship.

The very relationship that was supposed to be improving due to Aoki's dedication towards Kiriyama. Even from a bystander's point of view, it was painful to watch as their relationship was mercilessly being torn apart. Taichi wanted to do something for them.

But in the end, it still depended on how the two perceived it and what their course of action would be.

Of course, Taichi tried to talk to both of them and insisted it was only temporary due to the strange phenomenon, in hopes that they would not over think it and thus patching their relationship.

"Very tiring... very tiring..."

«Number Two» smirked.

A chill that was worse than any kind that he experienced in winter, ran through Taichi's body.

«Number Two» smiled dubiously, and vanished without a trace.

 

□■□■□

 

Taichi met Kiriyama and Aoki as he exit the station.

The three walked to their destination, with Taichi walking between the other two.

While there was some conversation going on, Kiriyama and Aoki had not talked directly to each other at all.

Taichi was not exactly a good chatter. Hence, their conversation seemed plain under this awkward atmosphere.

Then, as they were about to arrive the reconstruction site, a familiar figure approached them from the front.

She wore her hair in ponytail and maintained a keen aura——It was Mihashi Chinatsu.

"You're coming here again."

Mihashi stopped a few feet before them.

"And with different members too, but... that boy is always there. So you two are indeed dating, aren't you?"

"...We're not dating."

Kiriyama's voice was barely audible.

Mihashi's expression turned puzzled for a moment.

"Who?" Aoki asked, and Taichi answered: "Kiriyama's old acquaintance, the one I told you about before."

"Whatever, it doesn't matter. Say, can you please tell me why you've given up karate? I have to find out... something doesn't feel right if I don't."

Compared to their previous meetings, Mihashi seemed a lot calmer this time; he could see that she was trying to be friendlier.

It seems they can finally converse properly, Taichi thought.

However——

"...That's none of Mihashi-san's business."

Kiriyama cast her face aside and said flatly.

"W—Why are you talking like that..."

"Why what? I thought that was normal."

"I'm just trying to ask you a question."

"You're annoying."

Kiriyama rejected Mihashi completely.

"T—That's because you won't answer me..."

"...I gave up karate. Isn't that good enough an answer?"

"But our promise..."

"Promise, promise. That was far in the past, will you stop bringing it up?"

It was obvious that Mihashi was deeply hurt by that.

Kiriyama kept her head low, her face remained emotionless.

"Er, sorry to interrupt. I know it's odd for me to say this but..."

Surprisingly, Aoki intervened.

"Yui, shouldn't you at least hear her out?"

Even though Aoki had only been peeking at Kiriyama the whole time, he still stepped up and tried to directly correct her.

Kiriyama was speechless for a moment.

"W—What...? Who are you to say that to me?"

Kiriyama's face was slowly turning red from anger.

"Uh, but you need to confront her feelings properly——"

"I don't want to be lectured by some irresponsible guy like you!"

Kiriyama shouted in rage.

"Irresponsible... I don't want to be called that by Yui."

Aoki's was displeased. His expression became tense.

"How... How are you even able to say that?"

"That's the truth!"

"You're... You're... just some guy who's saying he loves me because he's seeing his ex through me!"

Kiriyama screamed and seemed to be hurt by her own words.

She looked as if she was about to break into tears.

Aoki, too, looked incredibly hurt.

Despite her breaking, Kiriyama did not stop there:

"Take some responsibility will you? ... Be more responsible!"

"I am following my own ways... and living my life responsibly!"

"You are not!"

"I am!"

As if a bomb was triggered, there seemed to be no stopping to the two's violent argument.

"You never thought about anything anyway did you? You're just brushing aside everything aren't you? You've never taken any responsibility at all!"

"That's enough of you, saying things like responsibility since the start, Yui! You're the one who needs to be more responsible!"

"What did you say!?"

"You've never faced anything seriously! Even till now, you're still the same!"

"I... am not..."

"Then tell me, what have you ever seriously done!?"

"That's because... I... because..."

"Don't tell me 'because' or 'but'!"

"I... I can't... can't help it...."

"Can you really not help it?"

"Augh... but..."

"The one who's been making excuses was in fact Yui yourself, was it not!?"

"I..."

Kiriyama was struck speechless and covered her face.

He probably should have done so earlier, but Taichi stepped in.

"B—Both of you, calm down, Aoki... Kiriyama as well. Are you alright?"

Without saying it towards anyone in particular, Aoki apologized with "Sorry" and proceeded ahead towards the abandoned building.

Suddenly, Taichi and Mihashi's eyes connected.

"Uh..."

Mihashi averted her eyes and looked to be at loss. She turned around.

"I should probably be going..."

Mihashi left the scene as she said that.

Taichi did not know what to say to her, and could only watch her lonely figure disappear into distance.

Sounds of Kiriyama sobbing came to him.

"Kiriyama, please don't cry..."

Taichi said and extended his hand——but quickly put it down again.

Kiriyama would react negatively towards any physical contact with guys.

Taichi did not know if she noticed what he did.

But the next moment, she collapsed on her knees.

She did not make any sound, only quietly wiped off her tears.

"O—Oi, Kiriyama..."

They were both hurt, and they hurt each other.

Taichi was anguished. The pain was tearing him up from the inside.

He wanted to help, but he did not know how to heal their wounds nor stop them from hurting each other again.

Taichi——He was powerless.

 

Even though 'he' said it was going to end, the 'Time Regression' phenomenon still took place that day.

Nagase became six year-old, Inaba also became six year-old, while Aoki became fourteen year-old.

As soon as he was reverted, Aoki(14) talked to Kiriyama right away.

"You wouldn't happen to be... Nishino Nana-san's relative would you?"

That moment, Taichi thought Kiriyama would break down.

But Kiriyama only held her chest with her right hand and bit her lip, as if she was trying to hold something in.

"... No. I am... Kiriyama Yui."

Kiriyama said in a broken voice, but no tear could be seen.

"Ah, I'm sorry. You are Kiriyama-san. Understood."

Aoki(14) grinned innocently.

Nagase(6) and Inaba(6) were both obedient children. There were no trouble in taking care of them. Taichi could even leave them to the care of Aoki(14) without worry.

On the other hand, even though Aoki(14) looked a bit frivolous at times, he took his task to heart and took good care of the six year-old children.

"Seems Aoki from that time was not much different than from now..."

Taichi murmured to himself. But he quickly stopped as he worried it might upset Kiriyama.

"Hey, Taichi."

"Oh, what's up?"

Kiriyama gazed at Taichi sombrely.

"If I... If I say I love Taichi, what will you do?"

Taichi's mind instantly went blank.

"...W—What!? Why? What do you mean?"

"I love you, Taichi."

"Hold on! Please hold on a minute! T—That would be very problematic!"

Taichi was completely panic-stricken.

Kiriyama looked away. Her chestnut-brown hair covered the side of her face, so Taichi was unable to tell her expression.

"...Suppose somebody confessed to you like that."

Phew, it was just a supposition, Taichi wished she wouldn't scare him like that.

Not to mention, that example was...

"If the person who confessed stopped saying that he loves you, then, what should the person who received the confession do?"

It was a very honest and straightforward question.

Taichi was pondering what to answer her, but in the end he decided he could only answer it like this:

"It... depends on what that person think, does it not?"

"I suppose you're right."

Kiriyama murmured and did not say another word.

 

At five o'clock, Nagase and the other two returned to normal.

As soon as the girls changed back to their proper attire, Kiriyama said "I have to get home early tonight" and left the room.

'Time Regression' had ended for the day, and the atmosphere of the room felt unusually heavy.

The light in the room seemed dimmer than usual.

"...What happened? I didn't get the chance to ask this morning."

Inaba inquired Taichi.

"When we were on our way here in the morning, we ran into Mihashi-san again. Then after a bit of talking, Aoki and Kiriyama started arguing..."

"Was it bad?"

Nagase came over and asked.

"Yea, it was. Kiriyama cried..."

"I see..."

Nagase murmured, her eyes lowered.

"But isn't that like couples fighting though? Not to mention, the usually straightforward Aoki suddenly stopping dead like that..."

Nagase continued after Inaba:

"...Not much we can do about it."

Aoki dug his face into his arm on the table.

The gap between Kiriyama and Aoki was growing wider and wider.

If it continues to grow, it may never be mended.

The two had come this far with their feelings of each other.

Even from a bystander's point of view, Taichi could tell the two only needed a little bit more before being able to connect their feelings.

If there had not been this phenomenon, would it have a different outcome?

Or was this outcome an inevitable fate for them two?

Please don't let it be that——Taichi hoped in his heart.

It would probably be unreasonable to meddle with other people's affairs.

But Taichi had been watching them the whole time, hence he knew very well how much Aoki loved Kiriyama.

Taichi would not allow such feelings to burn out before it even got to blossom.

Compared to not doing anything and regretting later, he'd rather try and take action and see what would happen.

Not to mention, it is easy to get lost when one is alone. Working it out together is a much better option. He had already learned that first hand.

Taichi approached Aoki.

"Hey... Taichi, that's... their private matter, don't you think?"

Inaba said to Taichi.

It was true that it was their private matter.

He thought of that too...

"But, aren't we friends?"

Even though he didn't know how far he should go.

Taichi stood in front of Aoki.

"...Aoki, is this really alright for you?"

Aoki was still leaning his face on the desk.

"I'm not sure what's really going on, but... this isn't like you at all."

"...What would I be like?"

Aoki replied in a low, hoarse tone.

"What would you be... Hm, should I say, you would be much more straightforward?"

"Straightforward..."

"Don't Aoki love Yui any more?"

Nagase pinpointed right at the heart of the problem.

Taichi's eyes connected with hers, only to see Nagase returning a tranquil smile at him.

He felt they were sharing the same feeling.

"That's not it... I'm not too sure myself either..."

"You say you're not sure..."

Nagase raised her eyebrow.

"...My mind is a mess right now... It feels like... I'm on the verge of remembering something important..."

Ahhh—— Inaba let out a loud sigh and came over.

"I had decided that... I would never interfere with other people's relationship. I've already failed once before and got myself yelled at by a certain somebody."

Inaba scratched her head and glanced at Nagase.

"So I won't be saying much, but I think... you're simply 'over thinking' it."

"...Over thinking?"

Aoki jolted.

"Y—you say he's over thinking? The Inaban who'd been hiding behind her logic and yelling at Aoki for being stupid, is now saying that!?"

"Don't be so surprised, Iori. I can change too. I mean... now I know the power of love."

Inaba said with an expression of a girl in love.

The smile on her was captivating.

"I—Inaban, slipping in stuff like that is cheating!"

"Is not! Compared to your 'telepathy' with him all the time, mine's nothing!"

...In this kind of scenario, Taichi had no idea what to do. Where was that guidebook when he needed it? He should probably consult Watase some time.

"...What do... you guys think I should do?"


Nobody could answer Aoki's question.

"That's entirely up to you, is it not?"

Inaba said.

"Anyway... You're not the type who'd be walking in circles here."

"I know right? Aoki's suppose to be the type who would charge head on."

"It might sound odd, but I kinda like your carefree lifestyle."

Inaba, Nagase and Taichi said respectively.

"Walking in circles... Charging head on... Carefree... Oh!"

Aoki raised his head suddenly.

"...I... forgot to live carefree!"

"...I didn't know you can forget such a thing."

Taichi remarked under his breath.

"I know... Why am I all worked up? ... That's not right... I'd made that decision back then... I've came through all the way like that..."

Aoki stood up with a determined gesture.

"I'm going to M-ken[1]."

"""Huh?"""

His sudden decision baffled the other three.

"I'm saying, I'm going to M-ken, and I'm going right now."

"No, wait. How did you come up with that decision? Also, what you mean by 'going now'?" Taichi inquired.

"I'm going to see Nishino Nana."

There wasn't a shred of hesitation in Aoki's eyes.

"Oi, what are you talking about? From here to M-ken, there's no way you can make it back tonight."

Inaba pointed out the problem.

"Yea, that's why I'm going tonight, and coming back tomorrow."

"I don't know how you plan to go, but the traffic during the New Year is terrible! And if you don't make it back before twelve tomorrow..."

If Aoki got reverted by 'Time Regression' on the streets, it would be problematic.

"I know... but I still have to go."

Aoki said straightforwardly and showed no sign of giving in.

"Pfft... Hey, Taichi, you started it, so you take responsibility."

"Inaba, can we let him go, please?"

"Gah! I completely forgot that you'd be the last one on earth to stop him!"

This might be a stupid idea, but if this was Aoki's answer, Taichi wanted to give him a chance.

"I... must go, in order to move forward. So please, Inaba."

"If you take the bullet train, you can reach M-ken no problem. But considering the time to do other things, I just can't be sure if there's enough time..."

Inaba was still hesitating. So Nagase interrupted and asked:

"Why does Aoki want to see Nishino Nana-san?"

Nagase's question always cut straight to the point.

"To confirm my feelings."

His words sound as if he was taking a holy oath.

"Eh? Amazing, how did Aoki became so manly!? That's scary!"

"Can you not say it like you saw a ghost, Iori-chan?"

"Anyway... Inaban, after all that, will the Inaban who learned of the power of love still try to stop him?"

"Ugh... I guess... But,"

Inaba was about to give her consent, but started hesitating again right away.

"Why not, Inaba-chan?"

"What if... it turned out differently than we thought? ... What will you do?"

The mood became tense.

It was a scenario which Taichi never thought of.

"Or are you claiming that, the outcome will definitely be... what we wished for?"

Aoki would normally assert that it would not be the case, but——

"I don't know how it will turn out to be honest. Which is exactly why I must confirm it."

It was a readied look on Aoki's face, telling that he was readied to face any outcome.

"However, even if it really does turned out differently, even if I... "

Aoki showed sign of hesitation for the first time since the conversation started.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His lips were slightly quivering.

"Even if I have to... leave the CRC for this... I will stay true to my way."

He concluded valiantly.

"That's because, it's my way of life."

Taichi was awe-stricken.

When will he ever catch up to Aoki?

After hearing that from Aoki, Inaba finally loosened.

"Haha... Nice one. Who's gonna be able to stop you now?"

"Does that mean you agree now, Inaba?"

"Ah, yeah..."

Inaba said and sighed.

"However, just in case, Taichi, since we can almost be certain that you're immune to 'Time Regression', it's better to have you go along with him."

"...Alright. Leave it to me."

The stagnated one finally began to move.

They could feel it clearly.

Taichi didn't think that he pointed the direction or anything egotistical like that.

But, if he could at least contribute something in that, Taichi would be happy about it.

Things that could not be achieved alone, if there were somebody to help push one forward, it would sometimes become much simpler.

Which is the reason why, people would always want to travel along with others.

"Alright! Now that we've decided, let's get going! I can't stop now! Run, Taichi!"

"Wa—Wait... Eh? Speaking of which, the fare..."

"You deal with that, Taichi." Inaba said.

"You can do it, Taichi." Nagase said.

"You guys are so strict and mean at this kind of stuff!"

Darn, Aoki aside, at least help divide the bullet train fare! Taichi thought, even though he could withdraw some money from savings.

Not to mention... How was he going to explain his staying out for the night to his family?

"You forgot this, Aoki."

"Ah, crap. Thanks, Iori-chan."

Aoki caught the baggage that Nagase threw.

Taichi opened the door first and went outside.

At the end of the corridor, he thought he caught a glimpse of what looked like chestnut-brown hair disappearing by the stairs.

 

On the bullet train, Aoki started talking about something from his past.

"When I was in my second year of middle school, there was a girl in my class who died from a car accident."

"I see... so Aoki studied in that middle school..."

Although he was not sure of the details, Taichi had heard about that incident.

"We weren't exactly close or anything, but since it was somebody near me, I was pretty shocked. At the time I thought, we human really don't know when we're gonna die."

Aoki looked outside the window of the train.

Thick and heavy cloud could be seen in the evening sky, which made the sky felt even heavier.

"That girl started going to cram school pretty early and worked really hard in order to get into a better high school. She prepared everything for the future, yet none of that mattered once she was dead. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying her efforts were for nothing."

Aoki added.

"Anyway, it's important to prepare for your future. But I think it's also important to enjoy your present."

Indeed, Taichi could sympathize with that.

"Which was why I've decided then: I'm going to enjoy my life at its fullest. That way, even if I die, I'd have lived my life at its fullest. And if I manage to live a hundred years old, wouldn't that equate to me having lived a life several times better than most?"

"So... this is Aoki's way of life?"

"That's right, this is my way of life. I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I would like to believe that it is, and I've been sticking by that principal."

Taichi never really gave any thought about his way of life.

"To achieve that, I will give it everything I've got, and I will never forget it. Alright, serious topic ends here!"

Aoki said like a naive child, though in Taichi's eyes, Aoki was the most mature among Taichi's friends.

 

The two got off the bullet train, and took the railroad based on information they found on the internet, then switched to a taxi and arrived near their destination.

They felt it was inappropriate to have a taxi driving around the neighborhood, so they decided to go on foot.

The time was almost ten thirty at night.

"The weather's so cold! Is this how it's like up the north?"

Aoki shouted with his teeth clattering form the cold.

"We might freeze to death at this rate... let's hurry... I mean it seriously."

There are no better words to describe it than 'cutting wind and piercing cold'.

The two searched their way through the fairly new and quiet neighborhood, based on the address they got on the New Year card that Nishino Nana had sent to Aoki.

"Say... How come you don't have her contact information?"

"Well, I didn't have a cell phone back then, and I never really asked for her phone number at her new home."

"Ah... I see."

Taichi responded while shivering in the cold.

Suddenly, Taichi realized that there were no light coming out of several homes.

It seemed too early for people to be sleeping.

Hold on, the season at the moment...

"...Oi, oi, Aoki, is Nishino-san's parent's hometown in this area?"

"No, I remember it isn't."

"Then... it's New Year right now, is there a chance that they would travel to their hometown for the season?"

"Ack..."

A chill went through their bodies, but it had nothing to do with the cold air.

"I—It should be fine! Not that I have proof or anything."

"...Not saying it's bad to be optimistic, but one day it will bite you back..."

In this world, being carefree does not work out all the time.

"Never mind that, I think we're almost... It should be somewhere around here..."

"Hm? Now that I think of it, once you see her... Aoki, what are you gonna do? And what should I do?"

Aoki suddenly stopped on his track. Taichi, too, stopped talking.

Isn't that a little too dramatic? Taichi thought.

It was as if fated to be.

A black Sedan stopped in front of a two-story house.

A girl wearing white long down coat walked out of the vehicle.

Her had a short hair cut, and seemed a little taller than Kiriyama.

The girl noticed the two and her eyes narrowed for a moment, which then widened in bewilderment.

She first peeked back inside the car and whispered something to the person in it. Then she sprinted towards where the two were standing.

"Y—Yoshifumi..."

Her voice was clear like birds singing.

Taichi felt he was interfering, so he backed off several steps.

Snow started falling.

"Why... Why are you here? I was surprised."

The puzzled girl——Nishino Nana, glanced at Taichi as well.

"Sorry for showing up here all of the sudden. But I really have to see you."

"Eh? That's..."

"Nana"

"Y—Yes..."

 

"I really loved you, Nana. But now, I have someone that I love more."

 

The snow fell gently, and landed on the remains of the melted snow on the ground.

The surrounding was so quiet, one could almost hear the the snow whisper.

"I see."

Soon after, Nishino replied simply and softly, and smiled.

It was a smile that expressed a certain sadness, but at the same time, happiness.

"...Sorry. I showed up in front of you all of the sudden and blabbered nonsenses to you..."

"No, it's fine. Thanks for coming all the way to see me."

Then the two fell into silent, as if they did not know what to say, or anything that was needed to say.

Nishino's eyes fell on Taichi once again.

The two nodded in acknowledgement.

"Who is that over there? Eh... Don't tell me... The person Yoshifumi love now is—"

"No way!"

"Of course not!"

Crap, even though she was a stranger, Taichi could not help but to jab at her statement!

"Ahaha, I thought so. Anyway, what are you going to do after this? It's cold out here, would you like to warm yourselves at my place for a bit?"

"Ah, thanks but no thanks. We have to hurry back as well."

Even though they did not have a returning bus plan, Aoki still insisted.

"In that case..."

"This hair."

Nishino ran her fingers through her chestnut-brown hair.

Then her fingers hover near her shoulder where the hair didn't reach.

"I cut it near the end of year before."

A sudden gust blew and disarranged Nishino's hair.

The moment was so beautiful, one would want to capture it in a drawing and save it.

"I see."

Aoki replied simply, and scratched his head a little abruptly.

"Alright, we should be going. We should talk more the next time we meet again."

Aoki said cheerfully. Nishino nodded in response as well.

Then, Aoki turned around.

"Let's head back, Taichi."

"Are you done?"

"Done."

Aoki walked pass Taichi, and strode forward. Taichi hurried suit and caught up by his side.

"Good bye."

Words of farewell came softly from behind.

Aoki raised his hand in response.

He did not look back.

 

+++

 

Aoki Yoshifumi trod briskly on the melting snow.

Keeping up next to him was Yaegashi Taichi.

Taichi was a nice person who was willing to accompany Aoki in his silly, reckless quest.

"Okay! It'll be bad if we don't hurry, let's run, Taichi."

"What!?"

Taichi asked in bewilderment.

"Charge! I'm gonna leave you behind!"

"W—Where are we going? Shouldn't we call the taxi company we heard from the driver earlier first? ...Hey, wait for me!"

Aoki ignored Taichi behind him and sprinted forward.

Taichi was a nice person. Even if he kept complaining, he would always catch up in the end.

Thus, Aoki was able to charge on ahead without worry.

Aoki wondered: Why was he lost before?

Why did he not notice such a simple truth?

'Love' is 'love', and only 'love'.

And that was good enough. That was all there was.

There was no point in bashing his head thinking about it.

Besides, a 'love' relationship should be based on feelings, not the brain.

No reason, no cause, no logic, no theory.

If it could be explained by all of that, then 'love' dilemma wouldn't exist at all.

He could only follow his feelings, so he had to feel it with all his body and soul.

He must trust his own feelings.

Why did he doubt his own feelings?

He doubted his passionate feelings of 'love'.

He doubted himself, and started thinking without moving a step.

Would that realize his feelings?

It would be impressive if anyone could do that, but he knew he couldn't.

If he didn't keep running, keep feeling, then he would never realize his own feelings.

Anyway, the world was already full of things that troubled the mind.

All kinds of troublesome, pestering things.

There would certainly be times where he must arm himself with thoughts.

But, if he covered himself completely in armor, wouldn't that stop him from being able to feel?

If he increased the stimulant around him because he could not feel it properly, wouldn't his feelings grow dull?

Once dulled, he stopped knowing things. He would be sucked into this unfeeling vortex, and begin to lose sight of things that were truly important.

That kind of life is just too dull.

The most amazing things in life should be more simple and more pure.

It would be good enough as long as he could find 'that'——something that was enough to be acknowledged by others.

At least he would like to believe so.

Therefore, he must keep running forward.

Stop pushing problems aside.

Pretending that it was somebody else's fault equates to making excuses and no longer running forward.

That was not the way to be.

If there are feelings that could not be conveyed, then keep shouting until they are conveyed.

It is that pure.

So pure it is silly.

Yes, he should be sillier, and he could be more childish too.

When he was reverted to a child, he realized things only a child could realize.

Of course, he couldn't stay a child all the time. There would be times where he needed to be grown-up-like.

But when people become grown ups in the end, their childish spirit may also become grown up as well.

He felt like asking people: "How did you live your life?"

It wouldn't be so bad to empty your mind and enjoy your life, right?

That is how life is, is it not?

What kind of answers would he hear?

However, it wouldn't really matter in the end.

After all, there is more than one answer to that question.

 

Translator's Note

  1. Jump up↑ Ken(県): Prefectures of Japan. In the novel they never specified which prefecture Aoki was going to, but merely called it 'M 県'.



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