February was nearing its end. In Yaegashi Taichi's class, class 1C, there had been an apparent decrease in students dozing off in class. One could feel the incoming arrival of the finals.
The club presentation event that followed the finals was imminent as well. The CRC members planned to spread out after school for a field investigation.
[ Sigh~ It's that day today... ...So tiring~ ]
...It was Inaba's 'Sentiment Transmission.'
There was not a shred of privacy in face of this phenomenon. However, they had already experienced a similar scenario during the 'Personality Exchange' phenomenon. Hence, having a better understanding each other, the CRC members managed to cope with it so far. Taichi, too, found it embarrassing when his personal secrets were exposed; and he found it especially painful when words that should had been kept from others were accidentally leaked to them as well. That being said, he felt he shouldn't allow himself to behave the way he did during the 'Time Regression' phenomenon last time — memories of being powerless and putting his companions in jeopardy continued to pain him. Fight hard, he thought. Everyone must have felt the same way.
The problem, however, lay with Nagase Iori.
"Hey, have you heard? They say Nagase-san she... like that."
"...But Iori... And then... She actually said that..."
Whisperings could be heard everywhere in the class. The person of concern would most likely overhear some of them.
"But from our view Nagase she... and... like this."
"...Yeah, I still find it hard to believe..."
"I'm telling the truth!"
Setouchi Kaoru said in a volume so loud as though she didn't care if she was heard——no, in fact she meant to say it loud so that she would be heard. It would seemed she was the one responsible behind these rumours.
"You've all been deceived. She'd been acting sweet all these time."
Setouchi, with her tough, assertive demeanour, held strong influence in the class.
Combined with the fact that she dyed her hair brown, wore earrings and was always seen hanging out with delinquents from other classes, most students were reluctant to oppose her, which further reinforced Setouchi's influence.
Right now, Setouchi and her companions deemed Nagase Iori as their hated enemy.
Normally speaking, however, no matter how much influence Setouchi may have, she wouldn't have been able to so easily stir up the class like this.
But now...
"Hey... Iori."
Nakayama Mariko, one of Nagase's closer friends, approached her.
"What?"
Nagase replied in an apathetic tone, her expression appeared nonchalant as well.
Nakayama was puzzled.
Nagase showed no intention of explaining herself.
"There are rumours... strange rumours about Iori circulating around the class, but I won't believe them."
She chose an open location to converse; she probably meant to proclaim her stance to the class.
"I don't think Iori is that kind of girl, they must have made it up——"
"Then let them blabber all the want."
Nagase replied flatly, her face remained impassive. Her usual smile was no where to be seen.
"Just ignore them."
Her expression exhibited a powerful aura. One may even find it frightening.
It probably wasn't too much of a problem for Taichi, as he had seen the many different faces of Nagase's before. But for those classmates who had only known about Nagase's usual, cheerful side, it was too great of a contrast.
"Um... it's not surprising that you're angry, Iori..."
"I'm not angry, not at all."
Her expression remained the same, her eyes were limpid as ice.
[ This is good enough. This is good enough. Enough already. ]
Nagase's inner voice came to Taichi; it was a very grim sentiment.
"Iori... You're kinda scary lately."
"I'm actually quite scary to begin with."
"Uh—" Nakayama winced and appeared at loss.
"Um, alright. In that case... I'll see you later."
"I'm sorry."
Hearing Nagase's apology, Nakayama's expression became puzzled as if saying "This is getting even more confusing now."
The 'Nagase Iori' that everyone was familiar with was no more. The 'Nagase Iori' in front of them at this moment was completely different than the 'Nagase Iori' they once knew.
This was not something that could be explained as a mere bad mood or anger.
Ever since the 'Sentiment Transmission' phenomenon started, Nagase began emitting a deterring air around her. She, who used to be the lovable bringer of cheer, would not even give people a proper look in the face.
What is Nagase thinking? What's she trying to do?
[ Nagase's supposed to be more cheerful and happy right? That's Nagase... ]
Crap—— As Taichi exclaimed in his mind, it was already too late. His thoughts were transmitted to Nagase.
At that moment, Nagase's shoulder seemed to jerk slightly.
The preparation for the club presentation event was more strenuous than expected.
Based on what Taichi heard, their rival, namely the Jazz Band, was increasing their practice time. Even Shiroyama from the class appeared exhausted. Clubs that planned to show off during the event were all spending a lot of effort for their preparation.
At this time, the CRC members busied themselves with travelling from place to place in search for recommended points of interest around the school.
Their sources of information were district magazines and gossips among students, and then first-hand investigations based on those.
Like the day before, they gathered in the club room, and then parted towards their assigned locations.
"Oh, Nagase you're heading this way too."
"Mhm."
Coincidentally, Taichi and Nagase's directions were the same before nearing their destination.
Taichi, with his long coat over his uniform, walked with Nagase and exited the school gate, and headed the opposite direction they would take when coming to school.
Taichi had not been alone with Nagase for a long time.
Ever since he was rejected the day before Valentine's Day, Taichi had not conversed with Nagase much.
It was because he needed time to move on, that and the phenomenon... Were these his excuses?
In any case, he thought that this was an opportunity to clear up the awkward air between them.
"Uh, Nagase... Are you alright?"
Others may have already asked her this many times, but Taichi inquired anyway.
"I'm fine."
How many times did Nagase flatly repeat that answer?
"Is there really no way for me to help? I can do anything!"
"No, I'm good."
A strong gust blew against them. The piercing cold air stung on their cheeks. Taichi placed his hand in his coat pocket.
"Um... If you..."
Taichi still found it difficult to bring up and was hesitant for a moment.
"...If you're concerned about rejecting me before, you don't have to worry about me you know."
Nagase compressed her lips.
She seemed to be forcing herself to remain expressionless.
"...I'm sorry."
Hearing her apology, Taichi's heart felt heavy.
However, as a friend of Nagase's, Taichi decided to take a step further.
"But Nagase, you've been really off lately, and I'm not gonna let you deny that either."
Nagase lowered her head without a word.
"You are stressing over something due to the 'Sentiment Transmission' phenomenon, am I right? I know there's a limit to how much I can help. But you should know this already, that you can easily solve many things as long as you let others to help you."
Nagase quivered. She did not seem to be shivering from the cold.
"...About that... Thank you really, but——"
[ I don't need any help. Please don't delve any further. ]
Complete rejection.
This was Nagase's 'Sentiment Transmission.'
Along with it were all kinds of feelings mixed together, Taichi was unable to grasp its true form.
"Nagase..."
Taichi whispered her name absently.
Nagase was rejecting Taichi deep within her heart.
Nagase Iori did not need him, not even a fragment of him——Taichi deeply realised that fact.
A clear and naked blow.
As someone who was completely rejected, he was powerless.
"That will be it... I'll be heading off. ...I'm sorry."
Leaving Taichi behind, Nagase walked ahead.
Watching her back figure, Taichi realised once more.
He did not understand Nagase Iori. Not one bit.
And she's supposed to be the person I love too.
□■□■□
Taichi's investigation site was a newly opened game centre.
However, even after entering the site, Taichi was too dispirited to do any proper investigation.
Whirring sounds of the machines, loud chatters from people trying to talk over the sound effects... All sounded like nothing but irritating noise in his ears.
He was unable to assimilate into this space; he felt like he was abandoned by the whole world.
I'm unable to do anything—— This delusional thought echoed clearly in his mind as though it were real, driving Taichi into a dead end.
Unable to cheer up nor work up any motivation, he saw no point in wasting time here.
We are going to be dismissed after we've finished our field investigation anyway, I should just call it a day for now.
Just as Taichi thought that...
[ Should we dissolve the Cultural Research Club? ]
Inaba Himeko's inner voice came to Taichi through 'Sentiment Transmission.'
Cold shivers ran down his spine.
Taichi was fully aware that Inaba was seriously considering this idea.
Why did things end up a joke like this?
Nagase had rejected him, and if the CRC dissolved as Inaba's thought suggested as well... Where then, would his place to belong be?
In the room with the heater on, Taichi held his coat tight around himself.
An indescribable fear overwhelmed him, so Taichi made a call to Inaba.
After a fair bit of nonsensical blathering, Inaba said to him "Jeez, what a hassle. Get yourself over here." So Taichi headed to the café which Inaba was going to investigate.
"You came, perfect timing. I was about to say it looks a bit too exquisite for me to walk in alone."
The two entered the café together. Indeed, the prices were set higher than average, so there weren't any high-schoolers in sight.
The warm interior was furnished with wooden materials, and had plenty of room between tables. The whole café exhibited a cosy and relaxing atmosphere.
"I see, this does look to be a good spot for couples to date."
Inaba murmured as she took notes.
The two ordered the café's speciality latte, and sat down at a double-seated table.
After taking a few photos with the café workers' permission, Inaba spoke:
"Anyhow, the fact that superfluous thoughts can be leaked as well really is irritating."
"...Sorry."
"I'm not blaming you, it's how this phenomenon works after all."
The two picked up their coffee cups.
The warmth and mildness of the latte seeped into the heart and body.
Taichi felt his mind become a little more at ease.
"Inaba, about what you were thinking earlier... What do you mean by 'dissolve'?"
As Taichi inquired her, Inaba entered a moment of silence. Composed, she continued to drink her coffee with her back straight.
"I've thought about it before, «Heartseed» seems to be interested in the five of us from the CRC, and he also seems to see the five of us as a single unity. Do you agree with this?"
"Yeah, I understand that."
«Heartseed» always claimed that the five members of the CRC were 'interesting,' and that these phenomena had only ever happened on the five of them.
"Since that is the case, if the five of us were no longer together, then he would end the phenomena — This is entirely possible, am I correct?"
If what «Heartseed» found to be interesting from them was based on the idea of the 'five of them together,' then...
"If the five of us destroy the CRC, and stop interacting with each other... We may be able to return to our normal lives."
Inaba said, and proceeded to add:
"He even complained about it before, that it'd be very troublesome for him to explain things if the five of us weren't all present at the same time."
Her assumption seemed unwarranted, but had in fact struck right at the heart of the matter.
"But—"
"We should sever these chains of dratted phenomena right?"
Inaba questioned, as though trying to shut off Taichi's rebuttal.
Taichi could only nod in agreement.
"Something is wrong with Iori lately."
Hearing Inaba mention Nagase, Taichi felt his heart heavy again. The warmth of the room faded from him.
"It would've been fine if it were only us, but as you've already seen during the day, it's beginning to negatively influence the environment outside the CRC. To those who don't know the truth, we can't possibly tell them 'a phenomenon happened' for an excuse... Not to mention, should anything happen, it would be too late."
"That's why you wanted to dissolve the CRC..."
"Gotou was probably going to resign from his position as our advisor anyway. I figured this might be a good opportunity... Even though I've always resisted that thought."
There had already been several phenomena. Having been implicated every time, what was the right course of action for them?
Suddenly, Taichi realised something. Actually no, should he say he had this weird feeling since the conversation began?
"There's one thing I want to confirm."
Taichi inquired Inaba.
"Is this what Inaba truly wished to do?"
Inaba did not say a word. Her clear, slender eyes under those long eyelashes gazed into Taichi's.
"That suggestion... Who was it for?"
Taichi did not waver, confronting those eyes that would suck him in.
After a brief moment, Inaba averted her eyes and clicked her tongue.
"Yes, yes, you're right. Even in face of this I still want everyone to be together. The whole consideration behind ending the phenomena by dissolving the club was for you guys. You have a problem with that? You jerk. Hmph! Hmph!"
She was being difficult.
"I thought so."
Inaba was too kind-hearted. She would always prioritise everyone before herself. She had been the same as before.
"Since when have you become one of those intuitive characters anyway? Having Taichi read my mind without undergoing 'Sentiment Transmission' like this, I feel insulted."
Please don't feel insulted, Taichi protested in his head.
"Of course I understand, I feel the same as Inaba too. No matter what hardship we face, I want to be together with everyone."
An honest feeling.
During his conversation with Inaba, he found this feeling once again.
As Taichi slowly recognised his true feelings, he felt his words become empowered.
"It's all because of the CRC, that I was able to meet everyone, and find all kinds of memories. Not to mention, there are still many more things I wish to do with everyone. Of course, that includes Inaba too."
There was nothing to be hesitant about.
"Hey, can you say 'Of course, that includes Inaba too' again? Like you did just now, with feeling."
"...Of course, that includes Inaba too."
"Ku...!"
Inaba covered her mouth and giggled. What kind of weird request was that?
"Anyway, I believe everyone must feel the same too. Aoki, Kiriyama..."
——And Nagase...
Taichi was unable to continue with that, because he did not understand what Nagase truly thought.
Seeing Taichi pause like that, Inaba returned to her serious demeanour.
"But think of it from another angle."
Inaba's lips curled into a faint, mischievous smile.
"You too, agree that we might have the need to dissolve, right? Rationally speaking."
"...Eh?"
Taichi gasped at the question. He was compelled by Inaba's gaze.
"...Honestly, I can't say I never thought of it."
"I thought so. After all, you are the most aware of how much inconvenience we are causing the others."
He could not deny it, that eventually they would have to force «Heartseed» away from them, even if it meant sacrificing everything.
"But right now, you wanted to cheer me up as my thoughts were inclining towards the negative end of the spectrum, which is why you kept emphasising the optimistic side of things. Am I correct?"
"I don't think I was thinking that deeply."
"After all, there's always more than one side of things. So is the human mind, we can't make judgements based on only one perspective. Simply put, it would be something like 'what if I look at it this way' in our heads. Now consider this as a basis: 'Sentiment Transmission' does indeed directly send out our thoughts, but since it only takes a snapshot of our sentiment, we cannot guarantee whether it is showing us the whole picture or not. That being said, there is no denying that we truly did 'give such a thought.'"
Inaba thought 'I should dissolve the CRC,' but at the same time, she also thought 'Even then, I want to preserve the CRC.' Conflicting yet conforming situations like this happen all times, the question was which side the others would see.
"...This conversation is turning into something weird, let's just end it right there. Say, why are we even guessing each other's intention like this?"
Guessing each other's intention, in other words, guessing each other's thoughts.
"But I... don't understand Nagase at all."
"...Me neither. I thought I would understand her more than anyone."
Did Inaba think that way too?
Taichi could not solve Nagase's problem on his own. But together with Inaba, they may be able to figure something out.
"Really though, what's going on with Nagase? Her attitude is strange; her thoughts, too, should I say frightening? Or cold? ...Anyway, she's like a completely different person now."
"I've always believed that she was one of those 'happy and carefree on the surface but also possessing a gloomy side' kind of people. But, I never thought she'd be so... If that, in her eyes, is the normal her, then it'd be like saying that the cheerful Iori we've seen up until now was actually an act... No, that's absurd. What nonsense am I talking about? How could that be an act?"
"Yeah, that's... not possible."
Nagase once said, she had been assuming all kinds of persona, wearing all kinds of masks, and thus slowly losing sight of her true self. But that was only a matter of perspective. The Nagase that had been with them throughout the year could not possibly be a false image or an act. It could not be.
"I feel... I don't know how to approach Iori anymore."
"...Me neither."
If she was simply in need, Taichi wanted to help her. But Nagase refused his help, as though she became like this on her own accord, even though she looked to be in pain.
"...I'm sorry."
Inaba apologised suddenly and lowered her head.
"Why are you apologising all of the sudden?"
"I was thinking, if I didn't make those unnecessary moves... It may not have ended up like this."
Her voice was extremely weak, as though it would be washed out by the light background music in the café.
"Had I not said that I love you, you and Iori would have gone out already. Had it been that way, there would've been a different future ahead of you, Iori wouldn't have ended up like this..."
Nagase, who no longer opened her heart to anyone.
"...Is that so?"
Taichi's face distorted. Fortunately, Inaba was not looking towards him.
"I interfered with your relationship. ...I'm sorry."
Don't apologize, Taichi thought.
What am I going to do if you apologize like this.
Inaba was not at fault. He was sure of that.
Because no matter what Inaba would have said to him, he would have ultimately been the one to make his decisions, as long as he was determined.
He remembered.
He thought he would love Nagase wholeheartedly, yet as soon as Inaba confessed to him, he wavered and became hesitant. He might had already been a lost cause since then.
"It wasn't Inaba's fault at all... No, I might have overstated it. After all, had Inaba not told me that... I might have started going out with Nagase."
"See...!"
Inaba lifted her head. Her eyes were filled with tears.
"However, I've never understood Nagase's feelings. It was all wrong to begin with... And with that, our relationship drifted apart."
It was only natural. He had never understood Nagase after all.
"Because of Inaba, I did become a bit confused at one point. But it doesn't matter. We would be heading towards the same ending nonetheless."
"...But if you had started going out, you would be able to better understand each other... And then..."
"But the one who hadn't done that was not anyone else, but me."
This was what he must acknowledge and not run away from.
"Inaba, you're not at fault."
Taichi told her earnestly.
In the face of others, he was able to put on a strong front.
Even though he knew he could not possibly act tough all the time, Taichi was glad that he was able to show his strong persona at this moment.
Thanks to that, he was able to see his way clearly.
After talking to Inaba, Taichi realised once again that he should not curl up in a corner and worry on his own.
"...I believe I was in love. However, it was a premature love. I did not understand the true meaning of love. I was never sure-footed. I was only blindly following my emotions."
He had always been pretentious, but in truth, he wished to become someone who could brave reality.
He would probably depress himself over the matter again as soon as he became alone at home. But for the time being, even just for a little, he wanted to look forward.
"Anyway, I was completely rejected, and I will need to start over. How will it turn out? Maybe I will pursue Nagase again. Maybe I won't. But one thing that I'm certain of, is that this isn't the end, but a beginning."
As Taichi asserted, he found himself feeling a lot better.
That's right. There's nothing wrong with failure. He told himself.
All it takes is to start anew.
All it takes is to fall in love with the same person again.
"Hey... In your starting anew... Does it include me as well?"
Inaba's question made Taichi realise another thing.
Inaba had gone through the same path he did as well. Inaba had confessed, and was rejected; but she did not lose heart, and declared battle again, claiming that she would not give up; and after yet another failure and starting over, she came to where she was standing now. It may sound self-indulgent, but Taichi was truly grateful to her.
"...If Inaba can forgive me that is."
In order to face all kinds of people and things, he must learn to re-examine everything.
"Do you really have to ask?"
Inaba let out a brief laugh. A warm smile emerged on her face.
Truth to be told, putting away his tough façade, Taichi thought he may still be reluctant to part with his feelings towards Nagase.
He could not tell how things would go on from then. After returning to zero, if he could fall in love with Nagase again, that would be wonderful indeed. And, as he was returning to zero, how would he perceive Inaba?
"Hey... Taichi."
After she softly wiped her eyes, Inaba shifted to a serious tone and called out to Taichi.
"You looked kinda handsome there, even though you've been rejected... Even though you've been rejected!"
"You don't have to repeat it twice!"
After conversing with Inaba, Taichi, who felt powerless towards Nagase, seemed to have found a bit of salvation.
□■□■□
The shock of being rejected by Nagase still lingered, and he still wasn't sure how to approach Nagase at the moment. But Taichi felt that, at least in face of love, he was able to pick up some courage and start anew, and look forward optimistically.
However for Taichi, he had something important that he must settle first.
Now that he recalled it, how did he manage to neglect such a serious problem? Even Taichi himself found it unbelievable.
"What's up? Onii-chan~"
Taichi's fifth-grader sister skipped from her room on the second floor to the living room.
"Sit down over there."
Taichi, who had sat ahead on the sofa, urged his sister to do the same.
"Why are you putting on a dignified look like that? It doesn't suit you at all!"
He thought his sister was being a little too talkative.
Anyway, she sat down as well, but...
"Why are you sitting next to me? Judging by the mood right now, you're supposed to sit across me no?"
"Who cares, same thing~ I'm busy too, just spit it out already~"
Even though she was his younger sister, she did not seem to show much respect for him.
"Can't say I mind... Ahem, actually I have something important to talk to you about."
"What is it that you need to be so formal?"
His sister tilted her head and asked.
Even though she was his younger sister, she was just too adorable... Wait, that wasn't not the point!
"You you still remember... what happened on Valentine's Day?"
"Valentine's Day? Onii-chan seemed very depressed that day, we didn't get to talk much."
"You gave me chocolate right?"
"Mhm, yup."
"You said something back then, yes?"
"What did I say?"
"Didn't you say something like 'By the way, this... this is my honmei-choco', did you?"
"Ahh, I think I did. And?"
"W-What you mean and? Uh... I'm telling you, even though Onii-chan loves you, that's family love towards a sister! Even if you confess to me, we are siblings, ethically speaking——"
"Pff— Ahaha! What are you saying~ Did Onii-chan think I was actually liking you as a guy because I said 'This is honmei-choco'? Haha!"
"What... Eh! But..."
"Ahahaha, Onii-chan is so funny~ Really though, how could it be possible. In my eyes, Onii-chan is forever my Onii-chan!"
"Ah...Ahh, I see. I-I figured as much, but I had to clarify it just in case..."
The fact that he jumped to a conclusion so soon was very embarrassing for him.
"Ew~ Seriously Onii-chan, how much do you love me (pokes Taichi's cheek)?"
"Love, you mean... Eh, of course I do! We're siblings..."
"I've rarely heard of siblings who can be this loving! Then again, since Onii-chan genuinely cares about me this much and said that he loves me, I'm very happy you know~?"
"T—This is sibling love!"
"Haha, I get it already. But hey, I suppose I should reward Onii-chan something~ Hmm~ What should I give~? Aha, I know! Onii-chan, lend me your ear~"
"Hmm, what's up?"
"Chuu~ ❤"
"Wha— Wha— Wha— Wha— Wha— Wha— Wha....."
"By the way, this is... my first kiss! ❤"
"UWOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"
[ MY · SISTER · KISSED · ME · ON · THE · CHEEK!!! ]
The next day, Taichi had to desperately explain to everybody that the relationship between him and his sister were entirely normal sibling love and did not violate the ethical boundary.
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