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Chapter 5 

A Full Stop for This Ridiculous Plan! 

 

A dragon. 

It was the most major of monsters, a creature known to every single person not just here in this world but also back on Earth, where dragons didn’t even exist. It was the biggest, baddest, most fearsome monster around. Anyone who killed one deserved to be called a hero and could demand any reward they wanted. 

And we were hunting the king of dragons. 

“Nooooooo! Nooooooooooooooooooo! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” 

“Stop screeching and come with us! We’re facing the mother of all badasses, and we’re going to need all the help we can get—even you!” 

That’s right: We were going to slay a dragon. 

Let’s rewind to the moment when Iris awesomely said she would slay any monster. 

“You’ll exterminate the most destructive monster in our realm? The biggest and most awful? Don’t make me laugh! I know you’re strong, but that’s biting off more than you can chew!” 

The prince was practically spitting at us, but Iris just cocked her head. “If I can’t do it, then it isn’t any problem for you, is it? I’m simply going to defeat this monster of my own volition. If I should happen to lose my life in the process, you have my assurances that it won’t reflect poorly on you. I’ll be sure to leave behind a note elucidating all this.” 

“That’s not my point! Nobody wants to see someone die, even if they’ve only talked with them a few times! I can’t let you commit suicide!” The prince was red in the face now. He might have been an idiot, but apparently, deep down, he wasn’t a completely terrible guy. 

“Hmph, what has you so afraid? Indeed, it may be difficult for Iris alone to defeat such a powerful foe. But she has with her the greatest mage in all of Axel. Now, Iris, let us go kick the butt of whatever beast is afflicting this nation!” 

“Grrr…! You can only talk like that because you don’t know what you’re dealing with! Listen up: We’re talking about a monster that’s ravaging this country, has built its nest in a gold mine of all places, and even now is terrorizing the countryside. It’s—” 

“Wait a moment, please,” the prime minister said, interrupting the prince before he could finish his rebuttal to Megumin. “Lord Levy, perhaps we could indulge them in this matter? After all, they have proposed it themselves. And imagine the riches we could gain if that thing was driven out of the gold mine. We’ve kept ordinary adventurers and knights from doing battle with it on the assumption that they would only succeed in antagonizing it, but Lady Iris has the blood of the Hero of Belzerg in her veins. I don’t think she will be so easily defeated.” 

He was kind of leering at us, but I had no idea why. The prince, making no effort to hide his annoyance, snapped, “Fine, do whatever you want!” Then he pointedly looked away. 

“Kill a dragon? Are you stupid or something? Have you all gone insane?!” 

“Pipe down! This is the only way. Anyway, we’ve beaten generals of the Demon King and evil goddesses. At this point, a dragon sort of seems like a step down.” 

A country dominated by the gambling industry apparently didn’t see the need to put themselves in danger against a dragon just to get back one gold mine. But for us, that mine represented an important source of funds, not to mention a quest tailor-made for a party of adventurers. 

“You keep a dragon for a pet, right? So don’t chicken out now. What, planning to abandon Emperor Zel when he grows up?” 

“Please don’t compare my dear, sweet Emperor Zel to any old dragon. He’s very smart, so he would never attack a person. Compared to him, what’s a feral dragon but a stupid lizard?” 

I felt bad for the dragon, being called “stupid” by Aqua. Weren’t dragons supposed to be highly intelligent? 

“Lady Aqua, I shall be protecting everyone, so I beg you to work with me. I have to think that facing a dragon will prove difficult without support magic…” 

Iris looked downright pitiful, and Aqua evidently couldn’t keep complaining in the face of an imploring child. “…Bah, fine. I’ll help you, so when you grow up and become a queen, you can pay me back by making the Axis Church the official state religion.” 

“That has chaos written all over it! You should count yourself lucky that the Axis Church hasn’t been wiped out already!” 

As Aqua and I argued, Iris suddenly snickered. When she realized we were both looking at her, she waved a hand quickly and said, “Oh, don’t get me wrong! I’ve just, er, always been so taken with adventuring; I’m enjoying the feeling that I’m almost part of an adventuring party myself…” She looked down bashfully, and I remembered that back when we had swapped bodies, she’d seemed excited about adventuring. 

Megumin, though, chuckled and said, “Now, this is not playtime, you understand? There is no end to the naïveté of these sheltered girls… But very well. I shall deign to teach my minion the fundamentals of adventuring.” 

“Thank you. I would like that very much!” 

Darkness couldn’t help smiling at the two of them—they acted like old friends—as Megumin began her lecture. 

“…Ahem, Iris, look at this. You see how this branch is broken? There is a very good likelihood it indicates the presence of a monster ahead.” 

“I don’t think so. My Sense Foe skill would be going off.” 

Megumin shot me a look. Then she collected herself and started walking toward the mine… 

“Iris, do you know what the most important thing to have on a lengthy adventure like this is? That’s right: water. You absolutely must avoid being unable to rehydrate after a difficult challenge. So be sure to conserve your water supply as much as you—” 

“Leave the water to us! Kazuma and I both know Create Water, so drink as much as you like; there will always be more!” 

Megumin had been trying to give some advice to Iris, who was having a drink, but Aqua promptly produced more water with her spell. She filled up Iris’s canteen, then walked away, satisfied. Megumin watched her, looking eager to snap something at her. 

In due course, we came to a giant tree. “Iris, look! Look at the marks scratched into this trunk! I recognize this pattern. There’s a hive of killer bees nearby; try to move as quietly as possible…” 

“Okay, everyone take hold of me. I’ll use my Ambush skill while we move up. That way the monsters won’t see us.” 

“……” Megumin’s mouth worked open and shut, and her eyes suggested she felt some conflicting emotions about me. But in the end, she grabbed hold like everyone else. 

We went on that way for several hours. 

“Now then, there are no major enemies in sight, so let us take a brief break. Iris, let me tell you the most important things to know when taking a break in the field. First, when you are in the territory of powerful monsters, you must never light a fire, because of the risk of attracting—” 

“Ooh, Kazuma, Kazuma, use Kindle for me. I want some nice hot tea.” 

“You brought your tea set all the way out here? You’re hopeless. Give me some, too. Here. Kindle .” I used my magic to set fire to a pile of leaves and branches Aqua had collected. 

“Grrraaahhhh!” 

“Waaaah! Megumin, what are you doing? My poor fire went out!” 

Megumin, who had suddenly attacked the fire with her staff, said, “Don’t you ask me about what I am doing! Starting a fire here is sure to attract monsters—I’ve been trying to mentor Iris all day, and you two…!” 

Just as she was shouting, I felt it. “My Sense Foe ability acted up a second ago. Careful, something’s coming!” 

There was a nasty cracking sound. We could see a flock of birds take to the sky, a sign that something very unpleasant was coming our way. 

Aqua, still sore about her fire, exclaimed, “This is your fault for shouting, Megumin!” 

“My fault?! Yes, I see, this is all my doing—I’m so sorry! I will apologize, but I do not have to like it!” 

We hadn’t even gone into the mine yet. I didn’t know if this was good luck or bad. 

The ground-rattling titan that came crashing through the woods made me understand why they called this creature the king of dragons. 

I stopped trying to play it cool and just shouted: 

“It’s heeeerrrrre!” 

A Golden Dragon drew near. 

Dragons. 

Hoarders of treasure and lovers of shiny things. Monsters whose defeat assured the slayer’s fame and fortune. 

And one of them had taken up residence in a gold mine, presumably drawn by the presence of, well, gold. Dragons were renowned for eating unusual things; maybe nibbling on the local minerals had given it this coloration. 

“We’ve hit the jackpot, Kazuma! This is a Golden Dragon, the most valuable of all dragon species! If you eat its meat, your level shoots up, and its blood is an ingredient in that rare elixir: the skill-up potion. Its fearsome horns and scales can be turned into valuable weapons and equipment! This thing is a walking loot chest!” 

Everyone was pretty freaked out by the sudden appearance of the dragon—everyone but Darkness, who hefted her great sword. “Lady Iris! I’ll distract the dragon; you use the opening to attack from a safe position! I’m not much for offense myself…!” At the same moment, she activated her Decoy skill. She looked so cool doing it that I wondered where the muscle-brain we were all accustomed to had gone. 

I wish she was always like this. 

“All right, Megumin, start chanting Explosion! I don’t want to vaporize a valuable monster if we can avoid it, but if Iris gets in too deep, then don’t hesitate! Aqua, buff Iris and Darkness with support spells! I’ll give you guys cover fire from a distance!” 

“V-v-v-very well…! Ind-d-deed, even such a beast as a d-d-d-dragon is no more than a common lizard before my…my explosion…!” 

“Hey, you negligent NEET! Don’t hide behind us, shooting arrows—get up there and make yourself useful!” 

The Golden Dragon, focusing its bloodshot eyes on Darkness, ran for the Crusader with a speed belying its size. Megumin, with no special talent for triumphing over adversity, trembled violently, while Aqua, despite her complaining, started casting defensive buffs. 

I wanted to do something helpful, I really did, but there was only so much I could offer against a dragon. My attacks would never punch through its scales; there was a good chance I would die if I so much as got close to it. 

“Have at me, Golden Dragon! Learn the power of House Dustiness, we who are known as the Shield Bearers!” Darkness, thoroughly buffed, didn’t give an inch to the oncoming dragon but stood there with her armor gleaming in the sun. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. Meanwhile, I noticed that Iris, who had received attack buffs from Aqua, was startlingly still. 

I glanced over at her to see that she had her sacred sword in hand; her eyes were closed and she wasn’t moving a muscle. I could see something crackling through the air around her, almost like electricity, and my wealth of anime and manga knowledge told me instantly what was happening. 

This was gonna be big. 

Iris was getting ready to use her biggest, baddest move. 

I knew how this went: You focused your entire spirit and your entire being into one devastating final attack that you used against your biggest enemy at your most desperate moment. 

“Karrrrooo, krrrrrooo…!” The dragon, wary, wasn’t making a move on Darkness. Dragons might be smart, but right now, that was the wrong choice. 

Iris finally opened her eyes. The magic that had been filling the air around her was focused into her sword, which shone far brighter than usual. 

But I noticed what was going on only after the dragon had spotted Iris and looked downright frightened. 

“ Sacred Explode !!” 

Iris’s yell contained her entire spirit. The hillside was enveloped in a blinding light—! 

Elroad was practically bubbling with the news. 

“The dragon is dead! The princess of Belzerg slew it!” 

When we got back to town, we popped in at the Adventurers Guild to let them know we had taken care of the dragon. 

Dragons are basically big lumps of magical energy. Every inch of them, not just their horns, scales, and fangs but every little drop of their blood, is a valuable material. We let the Guild know about our successful expedition so they could go out and collect the pieces, and this commotion was what resulted. 

 

A dead dragon had to be worth a pretty penny. But we weren’t after the sort of sums they would pay out to individuals. We put the cheering “They’re heroes! They’re dragonslayers!” town behind us and headed for the castle. 

“We’ve already heard the news! Incredible! To think the Golden Dragon could be defeated…!” The guard who had looked so skeptically at Iris before now bowed enthusiastically and respectfully the moment he saw us. Talk about flip-flopping… But the recognition did feel pretty good. “I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could share with me a few words about what sort of battle it was…?” 

He was so cringey, so apologetic, I couldn’t resist a grin. “It was a one-hit kill.” 

Granted, it was Iris who had landed the hit. 

“One-hit?! O-one hit…?!” 

We left the guard standing there with his mouth agape and walked straight for the audience chamber. 

The Golden Dragon had been cut clean in half by Iris’s attack. When the light had faded, I saw that the dragon was dead, and I had no idea what she could have done to it. But then… 

“Iris, do not think this means you have triumphed against me! My Explosion could have defeated that dragon just as easily! It is only because we didn’t want to reduce the dragon to dust that I deliberately, de-lib-er-ate-ly , held myself back!” 

Megumin, who had not only been denied a golden opportunity but had been confronted with evidence of Iris’s immense power, was beside herself. 

“Yes, of course, Megumin, my friend. I understand, so please forgive me.” 

“I don’t believe I shall! What is this Sacred Explosion of yours, and how dare you give it a name that suggests it surpasses even Explosion? I shall not allow you to use it again!” 

“Um, the name is actually Sacred Explode, and I’ve heard it doesn’t have anything to do with Explosion…” 

“How can you say it has nothing to do with explosion magic when the name sounds like a cheap rip-off? Personally, I believe its immense destructive power is born from having such a similar name!” 

“Miss Megumin, I have had just about enough of you! Please don’t refer to my family’s cherished hereditary technique as a ‘cheap rip-off’! The name of the move has its roots in the name of this sword…!” 

The two of them were still arguing as we entered the audience chamber where the prince was waiting, looking different from all the other times we’d seen him… 

“Did you really do it?!” The prince was practically spitting, red in the face, when he heard the story of our battle. 

“Yes, Your Majesty. Here is the Golden Dragon’s horn for proof.” Iris showed him the dragon horn she’d been carrying with her, causing chatter among the assembled audience. This room hadn’t been very friendly at first; they’d seen us as nothing but a bunch of bumpkins. Maybe the dragon had been a real problem for them, or maybe being a dragonslayer simply made you that famous, but all of them turned warm, affectionate looks on Iris now. 

How about that? Pretty darn good, huh? That girl is my little sister. 

“A shining golden horn,” the prince mumbled, almost to himself. “There’s no question; this belonged to the dragon who lived in the gold mine…” The chattering picked up its pace. 

That was when it happened. 

“I ask you to wait.” The growing excitement in the room was suddenly dampened by the voice of the prime minister, who regarded us with a cold stare. Ugh, he wasn’t planning to make things even harder, was he? “I would expect no less from a princess with the blood of the Hero in her veins. From a member of the clan that has inspired fear in the Demon King for generations… You there!” 

He signaled to a soldier, who was holding a big leather pouch. 

…I’m pretty sure that’s not the extra money they promised. 

We’d beaten enough generals of the Demon King that I had gotten a pretty good feel for how much money was inside a leather pouch of any given size. I could see this pouch contained the bounty for a major mark but not an entire payment of international support. 

“…What’s this?” Iris seemed to share my doubts, because she looked distinctly confused as she took the bag. 

“It’s your reward for the defeat of the dragon on this occasion. It includes a little extra on top of what we would normally pay an adventuring party to handle the quest. Take it and go.” 

“But—!” 

The prime minister’s words caused something of an uproar. This was supposed to be an away game, but a lot of the muttering sounded sympathetic to us. 

But there was another surprise in store. 

“W-wait, Lugkraft! I don’t think I can countenance this… L-look, I understand. I know all the trouble we’d invite by giving them further monetary support. But even so, to give dragonslaying heroes such a paltry sum…” 

I had been under the impression that the prince didn’t think much of Iris. But he was the one suddenly arguing on our behalf. For a little while now, he had been looking at Iris very much the way one would look at a hero. He may have been a prince, but I guess he was also still a boy. He idolized dragonslayers. 

But. 

“My prince, I’ve already explained to you numerous times. We should have cut off even payments in support of their defense, but failing that, it is certainly not in our nation’s interest to support an offensive on their part… Lady Iris, I do recognize your situation. But you must know that we have pressing circumstances of our own to deal with. I beg you to understand.” 

The prince looked downcast. 

…Pressing circumstances? I’d been so sure they were just being mean to Iris. What was he talking about? 

Unhappily, the prince raised his eyes to look at us—no, at Iris. “Ahem… I’m sorry. There are reasons we can’t give you any more funds. You heard the prime minister. Please forgive us.” 

Then he gave a deep and contrite bow of his head, his self-important attitude gone without a trace. Even I couldn’t say much to that, let alone Iris or Darkness. 

“Gosh…” Naturally, though, Iris was awfully upset. She unconsciously grabbed my arm with shock, standing vacant and motionless. 

The prince was understandably bothered by the sight. “Listen, er… That’s it—have you been to the casino yet? You’re all too serious for that sort of thing. I’ll bet you haven’t been to our country’s famous casinos, have you? You should check them out, cheer yourselves up!” 

That didn’t sound very encouraging… 

……… 

“Er, Your Majesty. If I may?” 

“Hrm? What is it? Your little sister and I have no further—” 

“No,” I said, knowing that I was speaking out of turn. “It’s about the casinos. I’d like to go big before I go home. Is there any way we could, you know, get a free pass to the biggest, bettingest casino around?” 

“…Your little sister is in the dumps, and that’s how you act? Are you insane? No, no, I was the one who suggested a change of scenery at the casino, so I suppose you can do what you want. A word of warning. Cheap tricks like the one you played on me won’t work there, all right? Our casinos aren’t so easily hoodwinked. They built this country. So I won’t try to stop you, but—” 

Before he could finish, I had to bow my head with exaggerated politeness—to hide the grin on my face. 

We were on the way home from the castle. 

“…I was useless. I felt like I did my best, but it was all for nothing… And after all the help you and everyone gave me, Elder Brother. After the promise I made to everyone at home…” 

Iris was walking at the tail of our party, sunk in a deep depression. 

Darkness, maybe hoping to cheer her up, was about to call out when— “Kazuma, Kazuma. Isn’t there something a big brother can do at a time like this? I cannot stand to see my minion in such low spirits.” 

Who exactly did she think I was? I wished there was some way I could immediately turn to me every time there was any kind of problem. 

Aqua, who clearly hadn’t followed everything that had happened, was walking at the head of the group, humming a short tune. I turned to my little sister, plodding behind us. “Yo, Iris.” She flinched and drew into herself at that. She clenched her fists and dropped her head, probably worried that I was about to yell at her because things had gone so poorly. But I said, “I think you killed it in there. I mean, you’re a dragonslayer now. That makes you a certified hero, and you can’t do much better than that. I won’t let anybody make a stink when you’ve got that sort of record.” 

Darkness gave a vigorous nod of agreement. “He’s absolutely right, Lady Iris! You did your very best! When we get back home, I, Lalatina, shall tell everyone how bravely you fought the—!” 

“So, Iris.” I cut off Darkness, plopping a hand on my little sister’s head. 

“You just leave the rest to your big brother.” 

Then I smiled at her… 

“Hey, Megumin, that’s the Pat-and-Smile. He’s trying to use the legendary skill that causes girls to fall in love with you instantly.” 

Okay, so I wasn’t not hoping for that. But I wished Aqua could read the room. 

“Just leave the rest to your big brother.” 

That’s what I’d said to Iris, and I went on. 

“I have an idea,” I’d said. 

“Why, you, you… You looked so cool, you got my hopes up—and now this ?!” 

The answer was blindingly simple: the casino. 

With my naturally high Luck, gambling was the perfect way to make money. 

Darkness wasn’t especially happy to learn that we were pinning everything on something you could hardly even call a plan, but she didn’t have any better ideas, so she had to go along with it. 

“Say what you like, Darkness. I think this has an excellent chance of working.” 

“You’re nuts! Going to the casino when you need to make money is the definition of a bad idea! I’m so sorry, Lady Iris; more fool me for having trusted this man…” 

Iris, though, shook her head at the frankly very rude Darkness. “No, Lalatina. I agree that this is a good idea.” 

“Y-you do, Lady Iris?!” Darkness was completely thrown by this unexpected answer. “I have to beg you to reconsider. We have the money from the dragon that you risked your life to get, along with the support you won from the prince. I grant it isn’t as much as we need, but compared to the impossible situation we were in when we first got here…!” 

Darkness was trying to get her to think rationally by emphasizing the success Iris had already had. The princess, however, took Darkness’s hand gently and said, “Lalatina. Lady Aqua, Arch-priest of the Axis Church, once told me: ‘If all seems lost, just give it a shot. If you screw up, you can always run away.’” 

“That is poor advice, Lady Iris! Don’t let yourself be contaminated by the Axis Church!” 

I took Darkness’s shoulder. “Don’t grow up to be hardheaded like this lady, Iris. Come on—here’s the casino. Casinos are fun.” 

“What do you mean ‘hardheaded,’ you lout?!” 

I ignored the still-enraged Darkness, took the bag of support money from Iris, and traded it for a boatload of chips from a clearly startled clerk. 

The first thing to do would be to shut Darkness up. It was going to be all right. I was a close personal friend of the actual goddess of Luck, after all. 

I sat down at the roulette table and hefted about a third of my massive supply of chips into my hands. Everyone who saw me, including Darkness, goggled; only Iris watched with an expression of absolute seriousness. Hoping to reassure her and picturing my surprisingly combative Chief, who might be looking down on me at that very moment, I said, “Iris, let me reiterate: Contests are meant to be enjoyed. There’s a special phrase you’re supposed to say at times like this. I learned it from a friend with even better Luck than mine.” 

I put all my chips on red. Then, loudly enough that that surprisingly mischievous goddess in heaven could hear me—I needed only a little bit of help—I exclaimed: 

“Let’s give it a shot!” 

A massive crowd had gathered around me; every customer in the casino seemed to be watching the roulette table. 

“Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, a win! Another win! Good Lord, Kazuma, you have the best Luck I’ve ever seen! I would follow you my entire life, as long as we never left the casino!” 

“Hey, quit acting all satisfied over my victory. What if you jinx me?” 

I’d gotten a windfall. 

The roulette dealer was almost in tears, but I had no reason to stop now. 

“Hey, get me another coffee,” I said to Darkness, who had completely calmed down and now listened to everything I said. 

“S-sure thing—right away!” 

I had been having her focus on bringing me caffeine to keep me awake and alert. When I’d won my first bet, she’d let out a sigh of relief. When I’d gotten the second one, I could see her exhale and smile grimly. 

“Got it! I mean—here it is, sir! Here’s your coffee!” 

“Excellent.” 

The third time, she’d let out an audible “Wow.” And by the fourth and fifth times, she had been practically immobilized with amazement. 

“Er, excuse me, sir…” When I raked in my seventh and eighth piles of chips, the dealer looked at me with distinct respect. 

“Hmm? What’s up? If you tell me I can’t bet anymore, I won’t listen. You would never tell a customer who was losing big that you couldn’t accept any more bets from him, would you?” I pulled out a bucket of clattering chips and placed it on the table. “I think it’s time to start getting into some bigger bets. If I’m not mistaken, odds double if you bet on both the color and the number, right?” 

“Sir! P-please, any more bets and…!” A guy who had been watching us from the crowd for a while now came over to me. I assumed he was the manager, because he was white as a sheet. If this had been a private establishment, I might have taken pity on them, but unfortunately for them, this casino was state-owned. I could take them for all they were worth and the only real victims would be that prince and his prime minister—i.e., no one I cared about. 

I made a show of sipping the coffee Darkness had brought me, then pulled out the two pendants around my neck. “Hey, you know what these are?” 

“…? …Wh-what?! Crests of both the Dustiness and Sinfonia households, the most powerful families in Belzerg?!” 

The manager, who clearly did know what these were, went even paler. 

“You got it: I have two major noble houses standing behind me. Hear what I’m saying? If you tell me I can’t bet anymore, then I’m willing to bet there’s going to be a diplomatic incident.” 

“Hrk…!” The manager ground his teeth but backed away, glaring at me. 

Heh, I win…again. 

Iris had been watching excitedly; now she took my hands. “Amazing, Elder Brother! I heard you had good Luck, but I never imagined it was this good! With this kind of fortune, maybe you should have skipped adventuring and made your living at the casino.” 

Live the gambling life, huh? The thought had occurred to me, but if a trouble-magnet weak-ass Adventurer like me started winning big at the casino, I was sure someone would come after my life. Anyway, this sort of thing only works when you do it occasionally. When you get greedy and try to keep the gravy train rolling, that’s when the trouble starts. The whole reason I could even do what I was doing at that moment was because I had the backing of a princess and two noble families, plus the pretext that I was trying to raise money to fight the Demon King. 

Otherwise, I was pretty sure Lady Eris would have taken me to task for this little show. 

“Nah, games of chance aren’t my calling. You know me: I live to adventure in order to defeat the Demon King.” I made sure I sounded as cool as possible; Iris turned eyes sparkling with respect on me. 

I put the bucket full of chips on Black 6, sending a murmur through the crowd of onlookers. 

“Now spin that wheel!” 

Sweating but unable to say no, the dealer picked up a ball…! 

“I’ll take that same space!” 

“Huh?!” 

Before I could stop her, Aqua had put her chips on Black 6, too. At the same instant, the ball went plummeting onto the wheel, where it spun crazily. 

“You—! I told you not to get cocky; this isn’t a game!” 

“Why can’t I bet, you stingy NEET? I’ve been losing every round! I need to make something back…” 

As I was busy yelling at Aqua, the ball slowly came to a rest… 

“Red Five.” 

“Looook at thaaaat!” 

“Waaaah! I lost all my allowance!” 

I motioned to Darkness to drag Aqua away. 

“Hey, Darkness, please! I have to make some cash here or I won’t be able to buy Emperor Zel a souvenir! Lend me some money, please? I’ll pay you back when I win!” 

“I’ll buy you a dumb souvenir—just get over here! Our nation’s future is at stake!” 

I composed myself as I watched Aqua being dragged off. Now that the goddess of bad luck wasn’t sitting next to me anymore, I should be able to get my groove back. 

“Kazuma, Kazuma, the way to get back what you lost is to make a biiiig bet! All the chips you have left!” 

“No way! Unlike you, I’m trying to be serious about this! Hey, don’t grab my chips! Darkness, get her out of here, too!” 

While Darkness handled Megumin just like she had Aqua, I put down a bet on Black 8. 

“It’s on!” 

That night. 

“Ooh, Kazuma, Kazuma. You were so cool today. Hey, you know what? There’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you…” 

“Heap all the praise on me you want; I’m not going to give you any money. Besides, you’d just copy my bets… Oh look, right on schedule.” 

We were heading back to the inn after a day of winning really, really big when something totally predictable happened. 

“Hey, you there. Got a moment?” Several masked men blocked our path. 

When Iris saw them, she looked up at me with genuine respect. “Elder Brother, that’s incredible! You even foresaw this!” 

“Right? I told you, they’ll one hundred percent try to ambush us. These guys are hired muscle from the casino.” 

The men shook their heads almost frantically. “N-no we ain’t! We’re bandits who heard you came into a lot of cash! Leave the money with us and no one gets hurt. C’mon—we’ll spare your l—” 

I ignored the man and took out some Bind wire. “All right, guys, let’s tie up these suckers and get one of those magic bells that jingles when you tell a lie! If the country or the casino is behind this, we’ll make a big stink about it and squeeze even more money out of Elroad!” 

That caused not only the men in front of us but, for some reason, my companions, too, to stare at me wide-eyed. 

“K-Kazuma, you… So this is why you wanted to take dark back roads to the inn. And why you had Aqua buff you and why you insisted on full armor and equipment even though we were just going to the casino…,” Darkness murmured. The men took a collective step back and held a whispered conference: 

“This could be trouble. I feel like we’re the ones who got trapped here.” 

“And ain’t that a Crimson Magic wizard over there? Plus two girls with blond hair and blue eyes. And you know what that means…” 

“Shit, there are nobles here?! A lotta nobles are nothing to sneeze at!” 

Well, this wouldn’t do. 

“They’re thinking about running away,” I announced. “Don’t let ’em! They’re worth a fortune! Don’t hold back! If worse comes to worst, we’ve got Aqua’s Resurrection!” 

Then I turned toward the men…! 

“Run for it! This guy is trouble; he said he’s got Resurrection or something! He’s gonna eat us alive!” 

“Don’t let ’em catch you; run like the wind!” 

“Wait! Wait for me!” 

I guess I was right about these guys, because they ran for the hills. 

“…You know, Kazuma, I’m not sure I like you bringing Resurrection into all this.” 

“Aw, I didn’t really mean it! I was only trying to scare them! Seriously, I don’t have the nerve to… Geez, why are you looking at me like that? It’s true!” 

Suddenly I was the villain, and I had to walk things back in a hurry. 

After that, I started going to the casino on a daily basis. 

“He’s heeere!” 

The blood would drain from the manager’s face as soon as he saw me. 

At first, I think they assumed I couldn’t keep winning like I had been. Whenever I would show up, the manager would just watch from afar, storm clouds on his face. But as the days went by and the winnings I took home got bigger and bigger, he started to realize this was no laughing matter. 

“Honored customer? You’re so strong, and I’m afraid if we allow you into our establishment any more, we’ll go broke. We’re prepared to offer you a small honorarium, but I must ask—” 

“This is a state-run casino, isn’t it? You can’t go broke. In the black, in the red—it doesn’t matter. Plus, the prince himself told me to cheer myself up at the casino. Get a load of this: It’s a special VIP card he gave me.” 

“Th-the prince?! I—I can hardly believe…” 

I ignored the flabbergasted manager and went back to making my customary outrageous bets. 

Several days after that. My bags of betting money had come to look sort of like a snowman, and I was starting to think I had about enough in there to make up the additional support funds. 

“H-h-h-honored customer. Let me be quite honest with you. We are considering closing the casino for a while, starting tomorrow. Seeing as you seem to be, er, one of our most regular regulars, sir, I thought we should let you know…” 

“Aw, is that right? Well, I came here ready to stay a few years to make all the money I needed, so I don’t mind waiting. But if the casino’s closed for too long, isn’t that going to impact the country’s bottom line?” 

“A few y-years ?” 

I had them so desperate, they were ready to close the place to get rid of me. 

“Sir, I beg you! Please! Please, no more! My superiors take me to task every single day! Please forgive me!” 

“Aw, don’t worry about it. I’ve got the prince’s blessing, after all. You got a problem, take it up with him.” 

At long last, we had simply reduced the manager to tears. 

We were on our way to the casino that morning for another day of gambling when we were met by a messenger from the castle. 

The messenger brought us to the castle, where we were admitted directly to the audience chamber. 

“I must humbly beg you to go back home.” 

Those were the first words out of the prince’s mouth when he saw us, his head bowed low. It hadn’t been that long since we saw him last, yet he looked haggard, beat down. Maybe it was my imagination. 

“Hey, hey, you were the one who told Iris to go cheer herself up at the casino. And that’s exactly what we’re doing. When we feel cheerful again, we’ll get out of here.” 

“Stop, we can’t afford to have you pick us clean like this! Any more and it will be considered the same as if we had given you the support money!” 

Well, yeah. 

“So you call yourself the country of casinos, but when somebody wins big, you send them home? That sounds pretty sketchy to me. We’re just enjoying ourselves at your establishment. You got a problem with that?” 

“Hrrgh… Listen. Elroad has circumstances of its own…” 

Yeah, you keep alluding to them. But that didn’t have anything to do with us. 

“These circumstances, what are they exactly? Could you possibly tell us about them?” Iris asked, stepping forward. 

The prince looked unsure for an instant but then said apologetically, “No, I’m afraid they—” 

He didn’t make it to the end of his sentence. 

“This nation of ours is engaged in negotiations with the Demon King.” 

The prime minister looked at us with total calm, despite the staggering thing he’d just said. The crowd didn’t so much as stir, indicating that everyone in the room already knew about this. 

“Lugkraft, you…!” 

The prime minister kept speaking, cutting off the nervous prince. “Our nation is conducting peace talks with the Demon King’s army. They would prevent his forces from moving against Elroad even if they should triumph over Belzerg. Our side of the bargain is that we will no longer provide you aid in your struggle against the Demon King.” 

He sounded so…nonchalant. Darkness bared her teeth at him. “You monster, you can’t trust anything the Demon King says! As a member of the human race, you should be ashamed of yourself!” 

“But it remains a fact that Belzerg has reached an impasse with the Demon King’s army,” the prime minister said to the obviously enraged Crusader. “You’re at a stalemate, and there’s no way to know which of you will prevail. In such circumstances, when one receives an offer of non-harm in exchange for neutrality, it would be foolish to dismiss it out of hand.” He frowned so that he at least seemed apologetic. 

It wasn’t like I couldn’t sympathize; I didn’t want to have anything to do with the Demon King, either. I was puzzling over how to wrap this up neatly when Darkness exclaimed, “You trust the Demon King…?! Let me tell you something about him: The Demon King will abduct a woman the moment he sees her—any woman, even a child—and make her his plaything. He’s a despicable creature who kidnaps princesses and female knights, all to subject them to the most hideous depredations. That’s the truth about your ‘king’!” 

“S-such impudence! Wait, where did you even get a story like that? Truth be told, my experience at the negotiations was that the great king was a very amiable fellow, a demon of the most trustworthy type…” 

I thought the idea of a trustworthy demon sounded pretty questionable in its own right, but anyway, the prime minister was obviously keen on the Demon King. But… 

“Where did I get it? I think that story is one of the more well-known ones… Some people also say that he’s into little girls, some say that he’s the biggest pervert on the entire continent and loves freaky role-play, and some even say that he’s gay. I mean, I’ve heard all kinds of stories…” 

“Who has been spreading these ridiculous rumors?!” 

For some reason, all this really seemed to tick off the prime minister, but Aqua, standing there with a big grin on her face, announced, “That was the Axis Church! My children have been telling the stories I made up about him.” 

“Say, are you sure it isn’t your fault the Demon King is so bent on attacking us?” I said. 

The prime minister held his head and shook when he discovered that this was the doing of the Axis Church. A strike against someone you had chosen to trust was essentially a strike against you, so I could understand why he might want to make excuses for his negotiating partner. But still… 

At that moment, Iris said, “Um, Prince Levy? I think I’m starting to see the situation here. You’ve been told that when Belzerg is defeated, Elroad will be next, and if you want to avoid that fate, you must work with the Demon King. Isn’t that right? If, as the prince of this nation, you’ve considered the matter and feel this is the best way to survive, then I won’t press you on it any further.” As ever, she sounded sweet and selfless, eager not to say anything that might hurt her listener. “So I beg you to put your mind at ease. I’ll speak to my father to ensure this will not harm relations between our countries going forward… I think of myself as, if nothing else, a fine judge of character—did you know that? I’ve known from the moment we first met that you don’t actually hate me, my prince. I don’t say that to sound pretentious. It is just a feeling.” 

The prince looked at the ground when he heard that. 

“The royal family of Belzerg is very strong,” Iris said. “So much so that we would not be defeated by the Demon King’s army even without support. So…” Her voice was gentle, like she was comforting a wounded child. “Please don’t look so pained.” Then she gave an absolutely innocent smile. 

“…I’m given to understand that in the wider world, I’m known as the idiot prince,” the young man admitted, sitting down on his throne. He looked at everyone around the room; I don’t think any of us was expecting this change of topic. “They say I wash my hands of politics to spend all my time gambling.” Finally, he turned to Iris, who was standing with her mouth open, and gave her a grin that, for once, made him look like a boy his age. “How about you make one more bet with me? No tricks this time. And if you win just one more time… I’ll place my bet on Belzerg defeating the Demon King!” 

“M-my prince?!” the prime minister said in an agonized voice. But the prince was already pulling out a coin, hiding it behind his back. Then he thrust out his closed fists at me. 

“So which hand is it in?” 

That night—it was that awkward time when it was too early to go to sleep but too late to start anything else. 

I assume I don’t have to spell out how my little contest with the prince ended. 

The prime minister threw a fit, but His Majesty’s entourage looked surprisingly happy about the outcome. For all the rumors and talk, they seemed pleased that the person they served had finally made a decision of his own. 

I had a feeling the “idiot prince” talk might die down after this. 

So, in the end, defense payments for the fight against the Demon King would continue as they always had. We were also promised a large sum of money in the near future to help with an offensive. And on top of all that, Iris was bestowed with the nickname “Dragonslayer.” So it was a pretty great result all around. 

…There was just one thing still bothering me: The prince seemed a little too interested in Iris. He had been putting on the whole mean-guy act since our first meeting merely to drive a wedge between our two countries, but after everything was resolved, we had another big feast, and this time, he seemed pretty darn friendly. 

That’s right: There was an out-and-out reconciliation between the two of them. 

I thought back to my original plan. After all, the whole reason I’d come along in the first place was to keep Iris from being given away to some know-nothing from nowhere. I’d been relieved to discover on our arrival that the prince himself didn’t seem very interested—but now I recalled my mission. 

“What to do? Maybe I should use Steal on the little punk right in front of Iris and leave him half-naked? …No, that would be bad for Iris’s education, showing her something sick like that. But this is a prince we’re dealing with. I can’t get too rough…” 

I was muttering to myself, in bed in the room the prime minister had given me for tonight, when it happened. There was a soft knock on the door and a voice from outside. 

“Kazuma, are you there? There’s something I’d like to talk about. May I come in?” 

It was Megumin. I hadn’t locked the door yet, since I wasn’t planning on going to sleep for a while, so I just called, “It’s open!” 

“I’m sorry. I know it’s late…,” Megumin said quietly as she came in, her cheeks a faint red. I wondered what she could want. Was she here to thank me for what I’d done for Iris? Yeah, the two of them seemed to be up to something on the sly. This would be the perfect opportunity to quiz her about it. 

…But just as I was thinking that: 

“Ahem, may I sit next to you?” Megumin asked, and then without waiting for an answer, she came and seated herself on the bed. Geez, she was sitting awfully close to me. 

…Then it hit me. I remembered something from before. What had I said to Megumin? I think it was: “If you ever feel like you’re finally free of the bad feelings surrounding you and that woman, and you come to me just because you want to be with me, I won’t have any reason at all to say no.” 

And she’d said: “Is that so? When that time comes, then, I’ll visit your room again.” 

My heart rate shot through the roof, but I said as calmly as I could, “S-sure, go ahead. And what brings you here tonight? Can’t sleep and looking for someone to play a game with? I think Iris is a better opponent for you, closer to your ski—” 

Megumin slid closer to me, cutting me off. Maybe it was excitement that made her eyes look so red; it was obvious from her expression that she wasn’t going to get any of my jokes right now. 

I swallowed. She said, “I want you to sleep with me tonight. Or…would you…rather…not…?” Her voice got smaller and smaller, her hand squeezing mine gently as she looked away in embarrassment. 

At long last, the day had come. 

After so much waiting and delay, the moment of my triumph was here. 

But calm yourself: The first thing to do was to lock the door, make sure no one could barge in. Then, as the older partner and the guy, take the lead, totally cool and not freaking out at all. 

I put my hands on Megumin’s shoulders, shifting her gently away from me, then went to lock the door… 

“Um, Kazuma? I’m not as, er, big as Darkness. Is that…going to be a problem?” 

“No, no! I’m a man who can love big and small equally. Please don’t take me for such a small-minded person.” 

Megumin pulled back a little at my somewhat combative answer. “I—I see. In that case…er, I’m somewhat embarrassed, so perhaps you could avert your eyes?” 

“Uh-uh.” 

“Th-that makes it harder for me,” she said, thrown by my immediate answer. “The room is still bright. Please, just a little…” 

Fine, I guess all I could do was obediently close my eyes. I at least wanted to lock the door, though. Otherwise, who knew what meddling, moment-spoiling buffoon would show up? 

So, still somewhat worried but also full of anticipation, I closed my eyes. And at that instant… 

I went unconscious. 

“…Could… But you…” 

“…No, Dark… I… And you…” 

I could hear a man and a woman arguing. I tried to force my pounding head to sort out what had happened… 

“?!” 

That was when I realized there was a ball gag stuffed in my mouth. What was worse, my hands were securely cuffed, and I had been tied with a rope to keep me from moving. I couldn’t toss, couldn’t turn, couldn’t wriggle my way out, and when I used my skills to help me see in the dark, lo and behold, I was in a goddamn closet. 

Not this agaaaaaaaiiiiinnn! 

As I struggled in the cramped space, I heard the voices once more. 

“B-b-but, Kazuma, we come from such different stations in life—it’s not that simple… I mean, of course I’m not saying I hate you or anything! I just think maybe it’s a little soon for this kind of thing…” 

That was Darkness’s voice. But while I was still trying to figure out what she was babbling about, I heard the other voice from outside the closet, and it made my blood run cold. 

“Forget social station! I throw away my social standing and swear to love you and you alone, Darkness. So come on, let’s—!” 

It was my voice. 

“You throw away your social standing? What would that even mean for a commoner?” 

“Huh? Wh-what?” 

That dumb stuttering was definitely my voice; I knew it all too well. 

“You’ve been acting a little strange ever since earlier. We’re alone together in my room, yet you’re so calm and composed. I don’t like it.” 

Damn her. I wanted to burst out of this closet and lay her out flat. There was such a thing as overconfidence; she couldn’t expect me to be a pushover forever… 

…Well, okay, maybe for a while yet. 

“N-no, I’m definitely nervous being alone with you, Darkness, y’know? But come here. Look into my eyes—” 

There was my voice again. But before it could go anywhere with what it was saying, Darkness interrupted. 

“…Hey, you haven’t looked at my chest once since you came in here. What’s with that? I can’t imagine that, in these circumstances… You aren’t the real Kazuma at all, are you?!” 

“Hrk!” 

I was really starting to worry about what exactly Darkness thought of me. I didn’t know quite what was going on out there, but I surmised it was some kind of doppelgänger using my voice. I wasn’t sure whether to be thrilled that she knew enough to see through it or enraged that she would say such awful things about me behind my back. 

“Now we’ve come too far. I’ll just have to overpower you! This may be his room, but have you noticed he’s not around? And if you resist me now, I can’t promise he ever will be again…!” 

Crap, things were going south in a hurry here. Knowing Darkness’s pride and her love for her friends, I was sure she would… 

“Wha…! You monster, taking hostages is no fair! Wh-what do you plan to do to me with those handcuffs and that rope? Tie me up?! Do you mean to handcuff me, then tie me up, and then do the most awful things to me?!” 

“I don’t particularly intend to do anything awful to you; I’ll stop at tying you up… G-geez, you’re making this unusually easy.” 

“Hrk—it doesn’t matter what happens to me, but leave my friends out of this! Oh, these handcuffs are so cold…! Hey, you, keep using that voice and say, ‘Heh-heh, that’s a good look on you, Darkness! You know what happens next, don’t you?’ Give it a touch of arrogance.” 

“Why, you… A-ahhh, forget it. Here, rope’s next, so stop squirming! Hey, I’m not doing anything weird to you, so quit blushing!” 

“It’s just, you’re doing this , with that face…! Hey, what do you plan to do with me? You’re not going to stuff me in that cramped, dark closet, and then…!” 

I could hear her voice getting louder, and then the closet door opened. 

Darkness and I found ourselves eye to eye. 

“…Let me guess. You heard the whole thing?” 

I nodded. 

So there I was in the closet with Darkness, a gag in her mouth and a blush of shame on her face, the two of us looking at the handsome guy in front of us. 

“Now then, allow me to enlighten you as to who I am and why I’m doing this.” He loomed over us, looking just like me if I were cool as a cucumber, apparently bent on monologizing even though he could have easily kept his mouth shut. 

My face, which is to say his face, started to melt until only a dark, humanoid silhouette remained. 

“My name is Lugkraft, the doppelgänger. Chief of the Intelligence Bureau of the Demon King’s army. And let me tell you, you’ve put me through the wringer.” 

The monster with the prime minister’s name had a featureless blob of a face, no eyes, or nose, or mouth. But he began to talk to us, despite the fact that we hadn’t asked him for any exposition. 

“It was more than thirty years ago now. I was finally accepted into Elroad’s civil service after many, many attempts, and then I spent every day working like a dog. My colleagues were happier at the casino than the office. The royal family was mad for gambling and so were the nobility. You have no idea how I toiled, with them divesting their assets at the gaming tables day after day… There were times when I thought it would do more for the Demon King’s cause merely to leave this country to its own devices.” 

I thought he was going to brag, but it turned out to be a sob story. Normally, this was where the villain would share his evil plot with the captured hero right before sending him to his doom. But apparently, this guy just had some things he wanted to get off his chest. 

Lugkraft, with his tendency to work instead of gamble, quickly gained the trust of the royal family. That was all according to plan. But once he was given a high office and near-complete control of the country’s politics, he realized the state the nation was really in. Elroad was collapsing under a pile of debt. The royals and the nobles were willfully ignoring it, just gambling away each day. 

“Do you see? These people had gambled away the fortune amassed by their first king at games of chance and had brought the country to the brink of ruin. And how did they come back from the precipice?” 

I guess Lugkraft loved his job, because he worked really hard at it. He had been sent as a spy, but his inherently diligent nature and overachieving streak led to a meteoric rise through the ranks. At last, he forgot he had ever been a double agent and dedicated himself to the betterment of Elroad. It was only when he arrived at prime minister, the highest post in the land, that it occurred to him. 

“I realized that maybe I hadn’t needed to do quite so much work.” 

I see. He’s not diligent; he’s just stupid. 

“Having become prime minister, I finally went into action. Yes: The moment had come for me to work on behalf of the Demon King. I’m aware you’ve been spreading rather salacious rumors about him, but the truth is that he’s a fine, upstanding individual whom I’m proud to serve…” 

This tale of woe and work and pride went on for a while longer until Lugkraft finally gave a contented sigh. “Phew. I’ve wanted to unburden myself about all these frustrations for so long. I thank you for listening to me.” 

So he was just complaining. 

“Ahem, now then, I’ve been considering how best to take my revenge on you lot, who have reduced all my decades of effort to nothing. At first, I was seized by an almost irresistible desire to kill you, but I forced myself to reconsider.” 

This sounded like it was going somewhere strange. Darkness, trapped beside me, seemed to have a bad feeling about it, too. 

“I thought of the thing you would hate most of all. Namely, for harm to come to your little princess, Iris.” 

At that, Darkness exclaimed “ Mrrff, mrrf! ” and squirmed violently. But she was tied up so securely, she could hardly move. 

“Ah yes, that’s the look! That’s the look I wanted to see on your face! Ha-ha-ha-ha, I’ll just leave you two here. I shall now assume your identities, find your other friends, and tie them up in the same way. And then, once I’ve told them the same thing I’ve told you, I’ll head to Princess Iris’s room!” Lugkraft looked right into my eyes. “I’ll have to bear with your pathetic body a while longer. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha, yes, that’s it! The pain! The suffering!! Fantastic!!” 

What a jerk , I thought as he assumed my form and left the room. 

Darkness and I tried struggling for a while, but we quickly saw that we weren’t going to be forcing our way out of this one. Lugkraft had been careful to close the door, too, so no one could hear us in there. Why couldn’t our resident moron show up and spoil this moment? 

Come to think of it, what had Darkness been doing in my room at this hour? 

“Mrf! Mrrrf!!” 

Whoops. Darkness, the gag still in her mouth, had tried headbutting the door but to no effect. She was on the brink of tears with the thought that her beloved mistress might come to harm, when something in her eyes changed, like she’d had an idea. 

Could we roll out of here? Maybe with a little more struggling? 

I made eye contact in an attempt to ask these questions, but Darkness didn’t seem to understand; she just edged closer, her eyes bloodshot. 

“Hrmf, mfff!” 

Sorry. I don’t know what you’re saying. 

I tried to communicate that fact to her, but Darkness kept huffing and struggling. Finally, inching forward like a caterpillar, Darkness brought her face closer to mine. 

Er…really, really close. 

As in, here we were in a crisis, practically cheek to cheek. Heck, she was almost pressed up against me—and look how close our lips were! I had no way to object that this wasn’t the time to be doing this; I just had to abandon myself to— 

“Hrgh!” 

“?!” 

She bit down on my ball gag. Despite the gag in her own mouth, Darkness was trying to use her teeth to pull the one out of mine. I started nodding in time to her movements—toward me, away from me. Until finally…! 

 

“ Kindle !” 

The gag loosened just enough that I was able to utter a single word of magic. The fire spell caught on my gag, setting it alight…! 

“Eeeyow-hot-hot-hot!” 

The gag eventually crumbled to cinders, but not before scorching my bangs. I wanted to cast Freeze on my forehead, but there was no time for that. 

“Darkness, I’m going to use fire magic on you now. If I use Kindle on the ropes that are holding me, it’ll take time for them to burn away, and I might not even be able to cut through the scorched ropes. But you…” Darkness nodded vigorously, as if to say she understood already. “ Kindle !” 

I set the ropes holding her on fire. 

We ran down the gloomy hallway without so much as a light. Darkness and I tried to navigate the castle, free of our bindings but still handcuffed. 

“Okay, Darkness, where’s Iris’s room?!” 

“No idea—it was the prime minister who found places for us. The only room I know about is yours!” 

So we didn’t know where Aqua and Megumin were staying in this huge castle, either. 

I took the opportunity to ask Darkness something that had been bothering me. “Why did you know where I was staying? And what were you doing there so late? I know the prime minister wanted to tie us up so we wouldn’t get in his way; did he tell you to come to my room?” 

That produced a flinch from Darkness. “A-about that… Look, you did so much for us on this trip, again… This time, I thought maybe I could reward you with something less childish, not just a kiss on the cheek…” 

“Perv! I knew you were Pervi ness! We’re in the middle of a crisis and you were making a booty call! You sick, twisted woman!” 

“Y-y-you’ve got it all wrong! I wasn’t going to go that far! I was planning on something a little more soft-core…! And anyway, it meant I was able to save you, so it was for the best, right?!” 

I did seem to remember Darkness saying something back at the inn about wanting to thank me properly this time. I wished she had waited until we were back home to do something so important. Not that I was one to talk, seeing as how I had been about to cross the final frontier with Fake Megumin just a few minutes earlier. 

“Ahhhhh!” 

I knew that voice! An idiot who was willing to point and shout at me, never mind how late it was. 

“Now I’ve found you, you sexual-harassing NEET!” 

“So this is where you’ve been! You are the lowest, the worst, the vilest!” 

Aqua and Megumin, in their pajamas, emerged from the darkness. 

“‘Sexual-harassing NEET’?” That was a new one. What was with these girls? “Hey, don’t go around acting like I’m some sort of criminal. I don’t have time for your little games! Where’s Iris’s room? Do you know? This is an emergency. If you know, then spill it.” 

Aqua and Megumin looked at each other. “Iris’s room is just up ahead, but I think you owe us an explanation first. I never imagined, Kazuma, that in the middle of the night, you would sneak into Aqua’s room of all places.” 

I practically exploded at that. “Don’t screw with me! I have the right to choose who I want to be with!” 

“That’s rich, after the way you came into my room and tried to chat me up!” Aqua said. “If Megumin hadn’t come by for a visit, I don’t know what you might have tried!” 

Darkness and I exchanged a quick nod. 

“Look, we need to get to Iris’s room! And I didn’t sneak into Aqua’s stupid room! I never touched her, even back when we were sleeping in the stables together! Even at my favorite shop, she’s the only one I’ve never picked!” 

“You should be ashamed of yourself! You sounded so passionate! And when I shot you down, suddenly nothing happened? If you really wanted to get with me, there are ways, you know—like giving me all your money or bringing gifts of expensive wine! Then I might at least let you hold my hand!” 

I seriously wanted to smack this dumbass. 

Better yet, I wanted to wring Lugkraft’s neck for putting me in this position! 

“That was a fake me who was talking to you, a doppelgänger! A shape-shifting double has infiltrated this castle! And he’s after Iris!” 

Aqua and Megumin looked at each other again. 

“Hey, so you mean all those nice things you said about my blue hair, that was an imposter talking the whole time? You didn’t mean that weird stuff you said about how I would be perfect if only I didn’t belong to the Axis Church?” 

“And you told me that I would be perfect if only I didn’t belong to the Crimson Magic Clan, and I won’t be satisfied until I’ve blown you away for that.” 

They guided us along, all the while saying things I would have been happier not hearing. 

Quit it! I don’t want to know how that jerk tried to hit on you! Seriously, stop already! 

Given his modus operandi, would he actually try to chat up Iris, too? He was convinced she was my little sister, so I didn’t really think so, but…! 

“This is it! This is Iris’s room… Hey, you can hear something from inside.” 

Crap, he was already in there! 

Darkness and I got ready to kick down the door when—! 

“ Exterion !!!” 

That happened. 

A brutal slash flew directly over my head. An instant later, the door came crashing down, and… 

“E-Elder Brother?!” 

There stood Iris in her pajamas, blushing furiously. However Lugkraft had tried to get to her, it had caused her to draw her sword—along with a black puddle I assumed was the former prime minister spreading on the floor. 

“I can’t apologize enough!” 

The next morning. After everyone learned about the fuss in the castle, we went back to our inn. And then we returned to the castle when it was light again. 

“Um, Prince Levy. We know you weren’t involved, so please don’t…” 

The young prince had thrown himself to the ground despite the fact that we were in front of all his retainers, and now Iris was trying to cheer him up. The fact that the prime minister had been a doppelgänger had already spread beyond the castle and was the talk of everyone in town. As for Iris, she wasn’t just the Dragonslayer but now also the savior of a country that had nearly been taken over by a shape-shifter. 

Any and every citizen of Elroad was aware that this savior was betrothed to their prince, and it had the entire town in a state of celebration. 

“I’m sorry! It was all because of my own foolishness. Argh, no wonder they call me the idiot prince! If you hadn’t come here, Princess Iris, Elroad would have been subjugated by the Demon King…!” 

The prince had been like this for a while now. The news about Lugkraft’s identity had been shocking in proportion to how important he had been in this country. Everyone who had previously dismissed Iris as a countrified runt now practically worshipped her, to the point that you almost couldn’t be sure who really ran this country anymore. 

Now Iris stepped to the center of the audience chamber, smiling at the prostrate prince. 

“Your Majesty. Royalty shouldn’t be too eager to bow the head, you understand?” 

At that, the prince jumped to his feet and coughed loudly. “Y-yes, of course. But we have, I must say, incurred a great debt in this instance. Our nation won’t forget what we owe to Belzerg. Ask us for anything you need in future. Ahem…” He hesitated for a second, then went on. “Because Belzerg and Elroad are friends and allies, of course.” Then he looked away, embarrassed. 

Advisers and Iris alike turned beatific gazes on him, and the whole audience chamber was filled with a sense of harmonious accord. 

Darkness, squinting at Iris as if she were too bright to look at, stepped up beside the princess. “Good, now we can consider this matter resolved. All loose ends have been tied up, our friendship has deepened, and the ultimate outcome was positive. We ask for your continued goodwill in the future, Prince Levy.” 

“Indeed. We can only support you from back here, but that we will do to our fullest ability. What a truly fortuitous outcome. I owe a great deal to Princess Iris’s elder brother, as well. I can’t approve of his tricking me, but that was a valuable lesson in itself.” He seemed to be in such high spirits that it felt like our first meeting had been with a different person. “To he who will one day be my own elder brother, I extend a permanent standing invitation to come here anytime and use this castle like his own house.” 

I didn’t really follow. But since nobody seemed like they were going to say anything, I decided to take it on myself to give the prince a word of warning. 

“What makes you think I’m going to be your older brother? You must be wrong in the head to get an idea like that.” 

It was like time in the audience chamber stood still. 

“………Er? I’m sorry, but you are Princess Iris’s elder brother, aren’t you?” 

“Sure am. I mean, informally speaking. We don’t have a blood connection.” 

The prince cocked his head. Was it that hard to understand what I’d said? 

“No blood connection? What… What are you talking about? Are you not Prince Jatice? But then…who in the world are you?” 

“I’m maybe the number one adventurer in all of Belzerg: Kazuma Satou.” 

Even then, the prince didn’t quite seem to be putting the pieces together. “…I see. It’s complicated; is that what you’re saying? Well, even so, considering Princess Iris reveres you as an older brother, I suppose I, too—” 

Maybe he really was an idiot. 

“Hold on there. You dissolved your engagement to Iris, remember?” 

Now time really stopped. 

“Hey, hey, you notice he’s not moving a muscle? I wonder if he’s okay.” 

“Ahem, I believe we should leave him be. Kazuma, there are certain things you ought not to say. Why would you go out of your way to tell him what everyone else has danced around?” 

As Aqua and Megumin whispered to me, the light returned to the prince’s eyes. 

“A-ahhh, about that… I didn’t really mean it! I was just trying to drive a wedge between Belzerg and us so Princess Iris wouldn’t want me…! The prime minister had me fooled, too, and it was the ultimate sign of our alliance and friendship…!!” 

Now he was downright desperate, the exact opposite of the way he’d been during our first meeting. The prince turned beseeching eyes on Iris. She looked at me, troubled, for only a second. 

“…Belzerg and Elroad shall be friends forever and ever. So let us just be friends as well.” 

“Wait, whaaaaaaat?!” 



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