Epilogue
We watched the capital of Elroad grow smaller in the distance.
“Hey, has it occurred to you that we didn’t actually get to enjoy any sightseeing?” Aqua asked from the rearmost seat of the lizard-drawn carriage.
“What, you worry about that now ? You, the one who has the absolute highest probability of causing a scene anywhere we go?”
“Now just a minute, you night-stalking NEET. If I’d had a little more allowance, I could have had more fun! When we get back to Axel, I want you to raise my allowance! I’ll cover one of your turns cooking dinner in exchange…”
Grrr…!
“What did you just say?! ‘Night-stalking NEET’?! As if I was even interested in you! Think of all those nights we spent together in the stable! Did I ever do anything to you?!”
“I heard all the fap-fapping from your side of the stable! You were sleeping right next to a gorgeous woman, yeah? Don’t try to tell me I wasn’t the subject of your little fantasies, you lying NEET!”
What a biiiiiiiitch!
For the first time in a while, my anger reached the boiling point. Despite the fact that the carriage was going full tilt, I worked my way from the driver’s bench to where Aqua was seated in the back, bent on reducing her to tears. She must have sensed the danger, because she held up her hands in surrender, but it was too late. Just when I was about to really let her have it, though—
“Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Iris, seated next to Megumin, burst into very strange laughter. “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha ha! Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
Completely disarmed by my little princess, I gave up on punishing Aqua and sat down beside her instead. “If you want me to forgive you, you’ll do the cooking all this week, right?”
“Sure, but get ready for natto three times a day.”
Iris, looking happily at Aqua (who clearly didn’t feel the least bit bad), said, “I was right. Every day is wonderful when I’m with you, Elder Brother. I can’t thank you enough for taking this quest.” She smiled an innocent smile.
“Aw, don’t mention it. I had a great time, too. What really shocked me is that you were the only one to see through that fake me. And you haven’t even known me as long as anyone else here. What’s wrong with the rest of you? How long have we known one another?”
An objection came from the front of the carriage. “Hold it, Kazuma, I saw through him, too! He had me going for a little while there, but then I realized it couldn’t be you!”
“You’re even worse! The stuff you made him do when he wasn’t even me! All he had to do was give you the tiniest push!”
Megumin and Aqua both looked pointedly away.
“As I told Prince Levy, if there’s one thing I’m confident in, it’s my ability to read people,” Iris said, smiling with assurance.
“Hey, Iris, I see your eyes cloud over when you call Kazuma ‘Elder Brother’…”
“Sure! You claim to see with unclouded eyes, Aqua, but you couldn’t tell me from a monster in disguise. You still think you deserve that nickname? Huh?” While Aqua was busy covering her ears and pretending she couldn’t hear me, I remembered something that had slipped my mind all this time. “Oh yeah, Iris, you were so busy with work, you never got to hit the town. It’s not much, but I brought you a little souvenir.”
It was the kiddie ring I’d bought in town. It cost only four hundred eris, and unfortunately, I’d forgotten to look for anything more expensive. I was a little afraid Iris wouldn’t want such a cheap toy, but her eyes opened wide.
“Really? I can have this?”
“Sure. You’re missing that ring you always used to wear, right? I can tell—that spot on your finger is kind of white. I thought you might like this one instead.”
She took the cheap souvenir, cradling it tenderly with both hands.
“Kazuma, Kazuma, do you have anything like that for me? I think I’m just about the right age to, you know, receive a certain type of ring.”
When Megumin predictably butted in, I pulled out the item I had prepared for this very occasion. “Here, Megumin, I’ve got Elroad rice crackers for you. I don’t mind saying they cost more than Iris’s ring.”
“……………”
Megumin sat with the bag of rice crackers in her hands, a complicated series of emotions playing over her face. I ignored her.
“Oh, Kazumaaaa, what about me? Did you get a souvenir for me?”
“For you, I’ve got a rock from that gold mine we chased the dragon out of. It’s kind of shiny, like maybe it’s got some gold in it.” I handed her the stone, which might or might not have had any gold in it, and Aqua took it without complaining. She examined it intently. Maybe she liked the shape.
I noticed Darkness shooting furtive glances our way from the driver’s bench, but she was driving; I would worry about her later.
Come to think of it, unlike Iris, the girls had all been with me when I went into town. Why was I giving them souvenirs?
But just as I was thinking that…
“Hee… Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!” Iris, gazing at the ring like it was a genuine treasure, started laughing. “Elder Brother! Er, I mean… Ahem, that is…”
She couldn’t quite get the words out. Finally, she braced herself and took a deep breath.
“Thank you, Big Bro.”
And then she smiled from ear to ear.
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