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Chapter 1 

An Awakening for This LoliNEET! 

 

That day, a shock ran through the nation. 

Belzerg, which shared a border with the Demon King’s territory, had always been a martial country. And now their princess had come back from a neighboring land with the sobriquet Dragonslayer. 

My party had gone to Elroad as Iris’s bodyguards, and boy, had it earned us a lot of trouble. Trying to get money to help us fight the Demon King had been like pulling teeth, and then I had ended up in a gambling contest with the prince before the whole thing culminated in a dragon hunt. And then it turned out the prime minister of the place had been a doppelgänger all along—a fact we discovered, thus saving the country from peril. 

And how had I contributed to all this? Mostly I had given the prince the runaround with my ridiculous gambling game, but the practical effect was to add a new chapter to my legend. Plus, I had been able to take care of the absolute most important thing while we were there, which was to scuttle Iris’s engagement. 

And so everyone lived happily ever after, right. . .? 

“Welcome back, Master Kazuma! I can see I misjudged you! What you’ve achieved is beyond anything I could have hoped for!” 

After we had brought Iris safely back to the castle and given our report in the audience chamber, we were greeted by “White Suit” herself, Claire. She was practically glowing. My friends, showing uncommon sensitivity, all stood back and watched quietly while Claire and I chatted. 

“Oh, really,” I said, “it was all thanks to Iris’s hard work. I hardly did anything at all.” 

“Such humility. . . In my mind, I was prepared to give up every penny of support from that country, so long as my dear Iris was free of that betrothal. But you got her out of the marriage, and got us our money, and saved their country in a moment of crisis. They’ll owe us a lot for a very long time!” Claire’s voice was virtually cracking with emotion; I guess for once she was being honest with me. 

“Claire! How can you believe the breaking of my engagement would be more important than the money to support our military?! Without that funding, we wouldn’t be able to resist the Demon King!” 

“I have my priorities, milady. As long as you’re safe, dear Iris, this nation and the Demon King can both go fu— Owww, ow, ow! Milady Iris, your journey seems to have made you uncharacteristically violent!” 

Iris had looked like she was going in for a hug, but she ended up strangling Claire. The bodyguard turned to us, the little girl still hanging from her neck. “In any event, you truly have acquitted yourselves with distinction. I will give you any reward in my power—just say the word.” She looked completely serious, but her face was growing redder and redder as Iris cut off her oxygen supply. Nonetheless, Claire seemed quietly but unmistakably happy. 

A reward, huh? 

In her own way, Claire was a lot like me, at least when it came to her intense affection for Iris. 

“I think the reward’s already been settled, don’t you?” I said. Claire looked surprised, but then she remembered the promise we’d made before I set off for Elroad. In exchange for me breaking Iris’s betrothal, she was going to tell me stories of the princess’s childhood. It was the smallest of promises, but still. . . 

“Yes, I daresay you’re right, Master Kazuma. Tonight, let me hold a banquet in your honor. And there, I will make good on your reward.” She gave me a knowing look and said, “I’m going to keep you up all night.” 

“““What?!””” 

Everyone but Aqua and me sounded positively shocked, provoking a little smile from the lady in the white suit. . . 

“What’s with this woman? Never seen anyone do a worse job of holding her liquor!” 

We were about ten minutes into our banquet, and Claire, who’d had about half a glass of wine, was already looking like she wasn’t long for this world. Maybe this particular banquet hall had been designed to cater to the Japanese people who showed up here, because it had been floored with straw tatami mats, even if they weren’t very convincing ones. 

“Urgh. . . Master Kazuma, I’m s-sorry. . .,” Claire mumbled, her face red. She might have had a weird thing for little girls, but she was also a good noble daughter. I didn’t exactly object to having her lean against me to keep herself upright. You ever have one of those moments when some beautiful girl falls asleep on the train and slumps against you? It was a bit like that. 

“When did you and Claire get so close, Elder Brother?” Iris came over, holding a glass of juice and sounding a little cross. 

“Ooh, whatsa matter, Iris? Jealous? Don’t worry—your big bro is only into gorgeous ladies with great bodies. So. . .” 

“. . . . . . . . .” 

There was a long pause. Er, gee. . . I guess when I thought about it that way, Claire kind of was my type. Iris was staring me down, and I found I didn’t know what to say anymore. Eventually, Iris squeezed in between Claire and me, resting her drunken bodyguard’s head on her knees. Boy, was Claire ever going to regret getting so drunk later. 

Iris ran a hand over Claire’s head, not looking at me as she said, “Elder Brother, what will you do when this banquet is over? Are you going to go back to Axel?” She was so quiet, she almost sounded like she was talking to herself. 

“Hmm, good question. I’ve been so busy banishing dark gods and keeping you safe and everything. A guy likes to take it easy once in a while.” Though, to be fair, “once in a while” was a better description of how often I went on adventures than how often I took it easy. 

“. . .If all you want is to relax, couldn’t you do that here? We have many empty rooms. There’s no need for you to hurry home, is there?” Iris still wouldn’t make eye contact with me; she looked down as if checking on Claire. But now it was obvious what she was really after. She used to literally hide behind Claire, never say anything for herself, always speak through her attendants, and just generally seem like a very quiet girl. Now she could be quite demanding, although I couldn’t imagine who she had gotten that from. As charming as it had been to see her looking around sort of nervously and trying not to upset anyone, personally, I liked this more natural Iris better. 

“Well, Iris, if you insist, maybe I’ll stick around a little longer.” 

I’d gone toe-to-toe with a lot of the castle’s soldiers the time I broke in here pretending to be a thief. My face had been hidden, and I’d been trying to use a fake voice, but I could never be sure when someone might recognize my look or behavior and realize who I was. So as happy as I was that Iris adored me so much, sticking around too long would definitely be flirting with danger. 

“I wish. . .” 

Iris’s voice broke into my thoughts. She spoke quietly, her stare still focused below eye level. 

“I wish I could live with all of you. . .” 

Then and there, I decided to stay at the castle. 

“G’morning, Dragonslayer.” 

“Elder Brother, please stop with this ‘Dragonslayer’ business. . . Everyone in the castle calls me that, and believe me, I would stop them, too, if I could. . .” Iris blushed and looked at the ground. 

At Claire’s invitation, we had been given rooms in the castle. That’s right: The long, lazy days spending time with Iris that I had never stopped wishing for were finally back. 

“Iris, Iris, listen. A dragonslayer isn’t something that just anyone can be. It’s the sort of thing countries throw parties to celebrate, right? Claire was practically bursting, she was so excited. Wouldn’t shut up about how she always knew you were going to be a big deal.” 

“Please don’t pay Claire any mind—she’s already been to my room several times to make me repeat the story of how I slew the dragon.” 

Not coincidentally, Claire had been to my room every day, too. Iris had killed the so-called Golden Dragon in a single blow, so there wasn’t too much to tell besides “Iris nailed that dragon with some kind of awesome power,” but Claire would show up every night before bed simply to hear me say that. She hadn’t been nearly so happy at first; she had spent a lot of her time muttering about me putting her precious Iris in danger. But by now, she was well and truly over the moon for the story of Iris’s exploits. She was so excited, in fact, that she didn’t seem to care that we spent day after day living the dissolute life at the castle. And she was so thrilled that we had broken Iris’s betrothal that sometimes we ended up drinking all night as she told me stories of Iris’s childhood. 

“All right, your bro is going to wash his face and get changed. You wait in the courtyard. Let’s have the maids make us some tuna-mayo rice balls and have a little picnic.” 

“Okay! I love tuna-mayo rice balls!” 

Iris had acquired a taste for junk food on our little trip and had taken to having her staff prepare it for her. At first, I’d seen them giving me the stink eye, like What did he feed our future queen? but when they saw how happy Iris was digging in to this stuff, they couldn’t stay upset. As for Iris, I’d bet that after eating nothing but fancy-schmancy palace food for so long, it was a breath of fresh air to get to just enjoy eating something with her friends. 

“Very well, Elder Brother. I’ll see you in a few minutes!” Iris said and then went off to arrange lunch. 

So passed our first three days in the castle. I had been going with Megumin on her daily explosions, but I wasn’t alone. 

“Surely you needn’t accompany us as well?” Megumin said. “In fact, I can hardly countenance exposing the princess of our very nation to the dangers beyond the town walls.” 

“Don’t worry so much. Earning the title of Dragonslayer seems to have gained me a bit more leeway in going out and about. And with all the powerful monsters around the capital, I’m much more concerned about Elder Brother.” 

Yep, Iris had started coming along with us, too. She and Megumin had seemed weirdly close ever since we returned from Elroad. The way Iris occasionally slipped into calling Megumin “Chief” or something nagged at me, but in any event, I definitely thought these were the two girls who had the highest Affection for me right now. Maybe Iris insisted on joining us because she didn’t want to leave Megumin and me alone together. 

Not to sound too full of myself, but with these two girls, I felt like I could get somewhere if I really wanted to. All it would take was a little push. 

. . .Okay, maybe not with both of them. Megumin was one thing, but even I wasn’t enough of a lolicon to try to put the moves on Iris. But in the future, when Iris, y’know, grew up? Definite possibility that she and Big Bro might get married. Come to think of it, maybe the most important thing to do right now was to stick around the capital so I could chase off any other guys who might be interested in her. Then I would gradually go from her beloved big brother to someone she thought about as a man, and then finally. . . 

“Kazuma, we’re here, yes? This is my favorite explosion spot. Monsters like to hide in the shadows of those boulders, so I get to let off a satisfying blast and collect scads of experience points.” Megumin had come to a halt, and now she was looking me square in the eye. 

Oops, gotta get my head out of the clouds. 

“Okay, well, do your thing and let’s go home. . . By the way, I’ve been wanting to ask both of you: How do you feel about me?” I tried to make the question sound as natural as I could. Nice and cool, keeping eye contact. 

“Well, that was very sudden. What do you mean by that? Your eccentricity has come to the fore with all the time you have had to kill recently. I think, for example, that you and Aqua might be well advised to stop going to the courtyard and taking it upon yourselves to prune the shrubbery. Aqua creates artifacts of horticultural genius, but that dog you fashioned, Kazuma, has not been well received.” 

That was supposed to be a bear. 

As if Megumin wasn’t bad enough, Iris piled on, too: “Elder Brother, no matter how much time you have on your hands, you must stop going to the training grounds and giving the soldiers random tips. . . It would be one thing if you had the strength to back up your instruction, but you’ve only earned a reputation among the troops as ‘some strange visitor who talks a lot more than he wins’. . .” 

“Let’s forget about what I’ve been doing or not doing—I have to pass the time somehow! Look, what I meant was. . .you know. Do you like me or hate me or. . .something in between? Just, you know, in general terms. I want to hear it from you personally.” 

So much for acting natural. I looked at each of the girls in turn. 

“As I’ve said more than once, Kazuma, I quite like you. What brought this on all of a sudden?” 

“M-me too, Elder Brother. I l-l-l. . .li. . .” 

“Okay, got it, Big Bro is sorry. A for effort, Iris; I’ve heard all I need to. And, Megumin, glad to know you still feel the same way.” I tried to act as nonchalant as I could. 

 

“I must say, Kazuma, something seems a little unusual about you today. Of course, you are unusual every day, but you sound even stranger than is typical.” 

“Er, really, Elder Brother, you’re being a little. . .creepy. . .” 

“Hush, Iris! You may think such things, but you mustn’t say them!” 

Okay, so this wasn’t quite how I’d envisioned this conversation going. My heart took some minor damage, but it wasn’t that different from what I’d expected. I wondered what might happen as these two got older. If they would start fighting over me. 

“Look, girls, there’s room enough in my heart for both of you. I’m not going to forget about the other person, so don’t you worry.” 

“Iris, I do not understand quite why, but I feel a flash of anger. Let us give this man a bit of a beating before I do my daily explosion.” 

“You are very creepy today, Elder Brother. Did you eat something you shouldn’t have?” 

Notwithstanding such slings and arrows, my new life resting on my laurels in the castle was mostly pretty peaceful. . . 

My days as a castle-dwelling NEET started early. 

“Heidel! Heiiidel!” 

Why? Because now that I had butlers and maids keeping me in the lap of luxury, I didn’t want to waste one minute of my time sleeping. 

“You called, Master Kazuma Satou? Would you, perhaps, like your morning coffee now? Or will you have breakfast in bed? For the first meal of the day today, we have miso soup with foie gras, just as you requested, sir.” 

Heidel, the same butler who had been assigned to me before, was a very quick thinker. 

“Breakfast in bed sounds good. But bring me my coffee first. And—” 

“Shall I summon your maid Mary, ensuring she’s wearing her shorter-than-average skirt?” 

Heidel, my man, it’s like you’re reading my mind. I wanted to slap him on the back. I guess that’s how you get to be a servant for royalty. 

“That’s my butler, Heidel. I love that you remember what I like.” 

“And for my part, sir, I could not be happier that you seem to have remembered my name. Allow me to place a flower vase somewhere precarious to make it easier for you to tease Miss Mary.” 

Ahhh! I loved a man who knew his business. I nodded in satisfaction, took a delicate sip from the coffee Heidel had prepared for me, opened the newspaper, and started scanning the headlines. 

Now that I was living in the castle, I was practically a celebrity. 

“So I see there are more Snow Sprites than usual. The Guild is even raising the bounty on them in hopes of avoiding an especially harsh winter. That won’t be good for the harvest next year. Heidel, take some money from my bank account and buy some futures.” 

“Yes, Master Satou. And for which goods would you like to buy these futures?” 

Which goods? 

“. . .Uh, you know, stuff that seems likely to be affected. Crops where the harvest is going to suffer if it gets cold.” 

“Yes, sir. I will take care of it.” 

That was my Heidel; he would never embarrass his master. 

“Good, you do that. By the way, what’s my schedule look like today?” I quickly recovered and resumed sipping my coffee; Heidel pulled out a notebook. 

“Your first morning appointment is with Lady Aqua. The two of you will be looking at the treasures in the royal treasury and pretending to be an appraisal team. After that, you will execute Operation: Wild Party in the castle courtyard using Lady Aqua’s party tricks. The stated goal of the operation is to interfere with Lady Iris’s studies. . . Ahem.” He flipped the page and continued expressionlessly. “In the afternoon, you and Lady Megumin will go outside the city for one of your ‘explosion experiments.’ After that, you’ll be taking in the armor shop with Lady Dustiness.” 

I set my coffee cup on the table beside the bed, shaking my head in annoyance. “Sheesh, another busy day. And what about the evening? Any plans then?” 

“None, sir. Lady Dustiness has been invited to a banquet, however; will you accompany her?” 

Wow! Just how capable was this guy? 

“Crash a party and stop Darkness from getting chatted up by any of the other guys? Better believe I’ll be there.” 

“Very well, sir. I will make the arrangements.” Heidel bowed and began to remove my breakfast dishes. 

“Good morning, Master Satou. For breakfast today, we have miso soup with plenty of truffles, just as you requested. How does it taste?” 

“Like miso.” 

“I see. I will prepare your coffee, so please enjoy your soup while you wait.” 

I’d been in the castle for a week. I was good and used to the celebrity lifestyle now, my days packed but fulfilling. 

“Heidel, what’s my schedule like for today?” 

“This morning, you and Lady Megumin are going to the city newspaper to insist they let you write a special column. After that, Lady Aqua has invited you to help promote her Axis Church. In the afternoon, Lady Iris and Lady Dustiness have asked if you might join them in defeating monsters in the vicinity of the capital. And come evening, Lady Megumin is hosting an Explosion Appreciation Party to light up the night sky.” 

Heidel managed to reel all this off without so much as breaking his stride as he got my coffee ready. I sipped my drink and shook my head. “Cancel that afternoon monster hunt. Tell Iris I’ll get serious about hunting with her starting tomorrow. Then move Megumin’s Explosion Appreciation Party up a bit. I expect Darkness will have another party tonight, and I need to be able to go with her.” 

“Yes, sir, I’ll see that it’s done. Incidentally, Lady Dustiness has spoken to me about your attendance at her social functions. She wishes you would stop. . .” 

Heidel was very competent, but when it came to what women wanted, he could be a little dense. I wagged a finger at him. “You have a lot to learn, Heidel—that’s called being a tsundere. You pretend to hate what you really like. When she says Don’t come, that means Come.” 

“I see—I have indeed been naive, sir. I admire your great experience of the world. Very well. It would not do for you to appear at the party empty-handed. Shall I arrange for a giant cake to be sent as a surprise for Lady Dustiness?” 

Ahhh, this guy caught on fast. Now it was my turn to be impressed. “That’s a great idea; you do that. . . No, wait. That’s not interesting enough by itself. Let’s do this: Have them make a cake big enough for me to hide inside. We send that to the party and ask for Darkness by name. While she’s trying to figure out who could have sent it, the cake bursts open and I pop out from inside. What do you think?” 

“I think you have the mind of a fox, Master Satou. I can practically envision the surprise on their faces now. I will see that it’s done.” 

Then Heidel bowed and left the room. 

Two weeks had passed since I’d become a celebrity, and I was well established at the castle by now, but there was one thing that bothered me. 

“Good morning, Master Satou. For breakfast today, we have miso soup with caviar, just as you requested.” Heidel placed a tray with my breakfast beside my bed. 

“Heidel, I appreciate how you go out of your way for me. Really, I do. But. . .there is one thing I don’t quite find satisfying about this life.” 

Heidel looked at me in surprise, then bowed his head. “My sincere apologies, Master Satou. As a matter of fact, I have already observed this dissatisfaction in you.” 

Ahhh, sweet competence. Heidel could even tell when I was unhappy. 

“You are displeased with miso soup every day, are you not?” 

“No! No, I’m not! I mean, now that you bring it up, there is something strange about this soup! I know I ask for expensive ingredients every day, but why do you put them in the soup? Like this! When you put caviar in miso, it all ends up tasting like salty miso soup!” I looked Heidel directly in the eye. “Level with me. Am I imposing on you all?” 

“. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .I should hardly think so, sir.” 

“Why’d it take you so long to answer? Hey, don’t look away from me—what’s going on here?!” 

I had become accustomed to receiving words of thanks and praise from everyone in the castle; they were all grateful for what I had done for Iris. But after two weeks, they were starting to give me looks as if to say, How long is this guy going to stick around? 

Heidel could barely bring himself to answer my question. “Master Satou, you have some inkling?” 

“Inkling—there’s a butler word. You remember that cake we had for Darkness’s party? They said they were way too scared to eat any cake when they didn’t know who’d sent it, so they sent it right back with me still inside. . . As for any other ideas, maybe the only thing I can think of is Iris—” 

I had been about to go on, but I was interrupted by a knock at the door, and my favorite maid, Mary, came in. 

“Pardon me, Master Satou. Lady Dustiness is calling for you. She wants you to go to the reception room—she says it’s urgent.” 

“We’re going home.” 

“Nuh-uh.” 

I was in the reception room, where I had found Aqua weeping and proclaiming she didn’t want to go back; Megumin looking very resigned; and Darkness keeping all of our luggage together, more than ready to leave. I’d had a pretty good guess as to what Darkness was going to say when I was told she was calling for me. She said it, and I had my answer ready to go. 

Darkness heaved a sigh. Maybe she’d known all along what I was going to say. “Come on, Kazuma. I know you’ve enjoyed your two weeks in the castle. Everyone’s been more than hospitable to you, right? At first, they were so grateful, they were happy to have you here, but I think you’re wearing out your welcome. And it’s no surprise, considering you spend every day lazing about and doing whatever you want. You’re finally building up a little bit of credibility; do you want to let it go to waste over something like this?” 

As she spoke, Darkness handed me a sheaf of papers. The seals were already broken, meaning she wanted me to see what was inside. 

“‘Dear Mr. Kazuma Satou. When I grow up, I don’t want to be like the hero with the magic sword or like Prince Jatice. I want to be like you. My mom says you’re from the weakest class but that you still managed to beat all the bad guys and that you’re awesome. I want to be awesome like you.’” I gave her a questioning look. This was just a fan letter. 

But it wasn’t the only one. “‘Dear Mr. Satou. My father was reading the newspaper. He said they wrote that you saved Lady Iris from disaster. Thank you very much for helping my beloved lady Iris. When I grow up, please let me be your bride.’” This one was from a young girl. The unsteady handwriting made me think of someone young and innocent, like Iris herself. 

I looked at letter after letter, until I finally came to the last one. “‘Dear Mr. Satou,’” it said. “‘I heard you are very weak. That’s what my mom and dad said. But they also said you are mysterious, because even though you’re very weak, you’ve defeated more of the Demon King’s generals than anyone else. I don’t understand hard stuff like that, but if you worked so hard even though you’re weak, then I think you deserve to take a break. Please look out for yourself and live a long time. Thank you so much for helping Lady Iris!’” 

I was starting to feel warmth spreading through me as I finished the letters. Darkness chuckled as she watched me. “How about it? Are you really going to merely hang around here like that kid says? Here, Aqua, stop whining and read these.” She took the letters from me and shoved them at Aqua. “Kazuma, you’ve started to make a name for yourself—that’s the guy I knew was in there all along. Just hang tight; when we get back to Axel, I’ll fawn over you as much as you like.” Darkness looked triumphant but also sort of. . .happy. 

“Huh, and to think, you never used to have any tricks but seduction and intimidation. You’ve grown so much. Fine, no way I can stay here when you put it like that. But I’m an awfully selfish guy. I’m going to expect lots of fawning when we get back.” 

“Leave it to me! At the very least, I’ll wash your back, eh?” she said, and we grinned at each other. 

“Hey, that is quite enough flirting and making eyes at each other while the rest of us are watching. I must ask you to remember where you are. Save such shenanigans for when you are at home.” 

“We aren’t flirting! L-look, it’s like I told Kazuma when we were in Elroad: I still haven’t thanked him for all the help he’s given us. . . I mean, as a noble. . . Um. . .” Darkness’s voice got quieter and quieter, and she seemed to shrink into herself. Megumin, her eyes flashing red, smacked her on the shoulder. 

“You are older than I am, and yet, you just cannot seem to get it together! It is time for you to be clear about things, Darkness—what is this business about washing his back? You’ve already tried to sneak into his bed, so come out and say what must be said, as I have done! And then I will strike you down with all my strength!” 

“You will strike me down?! Megumin, your feelings and mine are completely. . . Well, look, I have my position as a noble to think about; I have to find a partner from a good background. . .” The sight of Darkness twiddling her fingers and seeming to get smaller and smaller as Megumin shook harder and harder appeared to do nothing but incense the mage. 

“It was only just recently that you were absolutely refusing any potential matches at all, and now you hide behind the excuse of ‘background’?! Pathetic! Kazuma, say something to— Kazuma? What are you grinning about?” 

As I watched the two of them, it occurred to me that I could finally and truly stand unashamed in the ranks of the great harem protagonists. I mean, a couple days back, Megumin and Iris had been pretty encouraging when I asked how they felt about me. 

Look, I’m not dense. It was more than obvious that Darkness felt a little something for me, even if she couldn’t bring herself to say it. I wanted to see the two of them fight over me. In fact, throw in a grown-up Iris and make it a three-way slugfest. 

Was this how popular guys felt all the time? At last, I understood why all those guys with their girlfriends said that the sweetest, the most bitter, the most joyful part of a relationship was that moment before the love really blossomed, when you were just starting to notice each other. 

After all, once I committed to one of them, I wouldn’t get to see them argue like this again. Normally, this might be where I tried to break in and calm things down, but. . . 

“I could sit here and watch this all week.” 

“You impossible man!” Megumin exclaimed, changing her target from Darkness to me and launching herself at me. 

Then it happened: “I’ve decided. Kazuma, I’ve decided!” Aqua, who had been reading the fan letters until that moment, suddenly stood up. “Remember what our original goal was here? We were going to defeat that awful Demon King and bring peace to the world! These children’s letters have reminded me of what we came here to do! Now, come on, Kazuma—let’s get back to Axel and grind out some levels! Turning your weak self into a bona fide hero is my duty as a goddess! And as the goddess of water, I swear to give these children a future!” 

For a moment, I wondered what in the world she was talking about, but then I remembered how impressionable she had always been. But heck—right at that moment, I actually sort of almost nearly felt the same way. “Well said, Aqua. Let’s head home to Axel and get back to doing quests, like real adventurers. And once we get our groove back, we can go after the Demon King. The world is watching us. Children are cheering us on. We wouldn’t want to disappoint them!” 

We needed to get back to basics. I had spent weeks flailing around, but now it was time to remind myself of the day I had become an adventurer. The joy I had felt at first coming to this world, the vow I had made that here I would live a productive life. 

“That’s my Kazuma! I knew you didn’t deserve to be called Lolima like everyone’s been doing!” 

“Who’s been calling me that?! God, I’d rather they call me Cad-zuma or Kaz-scum-a. . . Anything but that!” 

Darkness and the others went back to Axel that day—without me. I meant to go with them, I really did. But when I saw how lonely Iris looked, it broke me. 

I’ll stay only one more day. 

Iris had been so busy being feted as a hero that we hadn’t gotten to spend a lot of time together, so I’d told my friends that I wanted to talk to her that night, just the two of us. Darkness and Megumin had given me wry smiles—they obviously knew what I was thinking—but they went along with it. 

And so. . . 

“It’s been a while since you came to my room, Elder Brother. Come on over here. I’ll get out some of the snacks Claire brought me.” 

After dinner, I had gone to Iris’s room. I stared around her chambers in amazement: They were big enough to host a small party in there. I noticed Iris quickly shove something from her nightstand under her pillow, as if she had realized it should be out of sight. 

“Ooh, what’s that? Sneaking around? Ahhh, I know—hiding the royal porno, are we? Hey, I get it—you’re of a certain age. Just be careful the maids don’t see it, or they might throw it away on you.” 

“That’s not what it was, Elder Brother. I don’t even possess any such thing! Here—what I was hiding was this ring!” She quickly pulled the thing back out from under her pillow, revealing that it was the ring I’d bought her as a souvenir when we were in Elroad. “When I try to wear it, Claire says royalty is better than such cheap trinkets and she tries to take it off my finger. So I can only wear it when I’m asleep. . .” 

When I saw how sweet and shy Iris looked, it nearly convinced me to stay at the castle for the foreseeable future, but I told myself not to get distracted. I’d promised everyone I would stay only one extra day, and then I would go home. If I tried to tell them, Oh yeah, guess I changed my mind, those three would probably cut me out of their collective life. 

With a great effort of will, I managed to avoid looking Iris in the eye as she gave me that soul-destroying frown of sadness; instead, I concentrated on the ring she was clutching in her hands. 

“Yeah, I guess I should’ve gotten you something more expensive. It’s not like I don’t have the money, but that was the only thing they had in the store. Sorry about that—Claire would be singing a different tune if I could’ve gotten you something nicer.” 

“No, I like this one. Expensive rings all have those huge, gaudy rocks on them, but this one is small and ever so cute.” Iris put the ring on her finger and looked at it with genuine joy. 

Ugh, no! Every word she says, everything she does, threatens to shake me of my resolve. Stay strong, Kazuma Satou—this girl is your little sister. My little sister. 

First of all, I’m not a lolicon, so while Iris might possibly be someone I could be interested in when she grew up, she was absolutely not someone I could fall in love with now. Plus, I had Megumin, whom I’d been getting a good vibe from recently. Was it really this easy for me to get swept away in one pleasant moment? I was starting to lose faith in myself. 

“W-well, hey, as long as you’re happy, that’s what counts. Bigger question: What do you want to do today? You wanna play that board game? . . .Ooh, wait, come to think of it, I picked up a card game in Elroad. I’ll lend you my B deck, so let’s play that.” 

I was about to head off to get my cards when Iris pulled on my sleeve. “Stop, let’s not play any games tonight. I finally have you to myself for once, Elder Brother. I want to hear some stories.” And then she smiled shyly. 

“. . .So I said to him, ‘If you’re playing games at this time on a weekday, you and I aren’t enemies. Come on—join our guild. Your true friends are waiting for you. . .’ And that’s how I got this guy, known as Mr. Destruction, to switch allegiances to our side, making us the strongest guild around. After that. . . Well, a lot happened, and that guild broke up, but I’ll tell you about that another time.” 

“Wait one minute, Elder Brother—you’re going home tomorrow, so we don’t know when ‘another time’ will be! At least give me some hints about what happened!” 

Iris and I were sitting on her bed, and we were taking a nice long walk down memory lane. Of course, I was mostly talking about myself. Iris had spent so much of her life shut up in the castle that she hadn’t had a lot of exciting experiences, and she really liked to hear me talk about my past. 

“Okay, you got me—but just a little, understand? . . .One day, a new member joined our guild. Her name was Dark†Angel. And that was all it took: One girl would be the beginning of the end of our guild.” 

“That’s no fair, Elder Brother. You can’t start a story that interesting and then stop! What did the girl do?! If you don’t tell me, it’ll keep me up all night wondering!” 

This wasn’t a story I was exactly proud of, but for some reason, Iris had gotten fixated on it. 

“I’m not eager to tell you a lot of the details, but. . . Okay, I’ll give you one word. Princess.” 

“‘Princess’? . . .Oh! Could it be? Did this princess fall in love with one of the members of your guild. . .?” 

Players of Japanese MMOs sometimes talked about “the princess play,” where a single girl shows up and throws a wrench into a group of guys—that’s what I had been talking about, but Iris picked up on it remarkably quickly. I’d been hoping to throw her off the scent, but she saw exactly what I meant. 

“You’re a quick one. Yeah, that princess made life pretty awful for us.” 

“I see. She certainly would, given the difference in status between you. . .” 

As I was talking, though, I could see something in her hand. She noticed me looking and shyly held it out. “Here, please take this. I learned how to make it from the chief. . . I mean, from Miss Megumin. She said it’s a traditional Crimson Magic Clan charm. With all the trouble you seem to get caught up in, Elder Brother, I thought you could use one. . .” 

It was a charm just like the one Megumin had given me some time ago. She’d said something about putting a lock of magically powerful Crimson Magic Clan hair in it or something. 

“Hey, thanks. Believe me, I’d love a nice, quiet life, but trouble always seems to find me. ’Course, to be fair, it’s usually my friends causing it.” 

I put the charm in my pocket, and Iris said happily, “Once you go home, Elder Brother, I won’t be able to go on any more adventures. . . But I hope you at least let my charm go with you.” 

The smile she gave me then was tinged with loneliness. 

“. . .All right. It’s been a good chat, but it’s awfully late now. I’m going to head back to my room.” 

We’d kept shooting the breeze about this and that, sort of hoping to dispel the sweet but slightly awkward mood in the room after Iris gave me that charm, and all of a sudden, I’d realized it was almost midnight. If I stuck around any longer, Claire was really going to let me have it. I was about to stand up from the bed, but. . . 

“. . .I don’t want you to.” 

I found Iris holding tight to my sleeve, stopping me. 

“S-sorry, I kind of have to. But it’s okay; I’ll be back. Claire might get angry and the guards might try to stop me, but I have this pendant I got from Darkness. Claire took her clan crest back, but the Dustiness crest should be more than enough to get me into the castle anytime I want. So—” 

“No, don’t. I don’t want you to just be a visitor sometimes. I know I said my charm could go adventuring with you, but what I really want. . . What I really want is to go with you myself. I want to take another trip, another adventure, with you and everyone else. I want to find out what’s out there!” Like a child bursting with emotion, Iris went on. “Teach me everything you can! Those few weeks traveling with you were more fun, more fulfilling than twelve years of living in this castle. Please don’t leave me here. Please let me—” Then she stopped, as if she had suddenly realized what she was saying. Dejected and curling into herself, Iris looked so much smaller than the name Dragonslayer. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m being selfish. . . You somehow make me act like a little girl, Elder Brother. But I’m a royal princess, and my duty is to my people.” 

She was a princess, and she had probably spent her entire life being told to control herself. Obviously, no one was exactly going to scold a person as important as Iris. Okay, maybe Claire or Darkness, but they both had an overprotective streak, and Darkness spent most of her time in Axel anyway. 

“Iris, you’re only twelve. You should act more like a little girl. Didn’t I tell you? Royals are supposed to be selfish and demanding. Take a page from the life I’ve been living the last few days. Enjoy yourself, even if it means making other people miserable.” 

And then the princess, who was far stronger and more disciplined than I was, said, “Elder Brother, you mustn’t indulge me so. If you stay here one moment longer, I’m afraid I’ll be truly selfish and demand that you never leave.” She was smiling, but tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes. 

. . .Damn, this doesn’t look good. 

No, this wasn’t going anywhere good—I wouldn’t be able to stand it at this rate. 

“Until the day you defeat the Demon King, Elder Brother, I swear I won’t be demanding or selfish toward anyone. So. . .” 

Ohhhh man, this was bad. Specifically, the way my heart was pounding over this child was bad, bad, bad. 

“So tonight, just this one night, indulge me a little.” Iris clung to me, and that was bad, too. What was worse was that she was royalty; she could have snapped her fingers and changed the legal age of— 

No! Not the time! Or the point! Iris was my little sister, and I was not a lolicon! 

I was seriously going to run out of excuses at this rate. Take Megumin—she might have been legal in this world, but the average Japanese person would definitely have considered her out of bounds. 

Iris, oblivious to the struggle within me, hesitantly nuzzled her little body up against me. I knew her parents didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her; she probably didn’t know how to be close to someone like this. She realized she was stronger than average, though, so when she tightened the hands that were holding on to me, she did it ever so slowly. . .! 

“I w-w-wouldn’t mind indulging you every night, but. . .!” I was going to screw up and say something stupid from sheer nerves again! And what was I going to do about everyone waiting for me back in Axel? I couldn’t just sit here with Iris hugging me forever! And what about my vibe with Megumin? If I didn’t come home tonight, I bet that would go sour. 

And also— 

“Elder Brother. . . No, I mean. . .” 

And also, think carefully, Kazuma Satou. You’re going back to Axel, right? Remember the letters from those kids—that was only a few hours ago. 

That’s right. The Demon King. I had to defeat the Demon King—not just for them but for Iris. And for this whole w-w-world. . .! 

“. . .Big Bro.” 

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

“I love you. . .!” 

That settles it. I’m staying here. 

It had been a week since Aqua and the others had returned to Axel. I’d sent them a letter when I decided to stay at the castle. It described how I wasn’t coming back to Axel after all. How I planned to live in the castle forever, so they could dispose of my stuff and whatever was left in my room however they saw fit. I said I was sure they didn’t need me, a weak-ass Adventurer, to defeat the Demon King and that I would be cheering them on, if only from the sidelines. 

Within the day after I sent that letter, I got an answer from Darkness. It told me to quit with the stupid jokes—I could practically see her sneering at me from the page. She probably really thought I was trying to squeeze out one more day because I couldn’t bear to leave Iris by herself. The letter told me to let “Lady Iris” down as gently but as quickly as possible (Don’t make her cry, I was instructed) and to come back home. 

Three days passed. 

The letter I got sounded a little more serious this time. 

Two days after that, I got another one, worded sharply enough to cut. 

And that brings us to today. There was a knock at the door to my room. “Master Kazuma, might I speak to you for a moment?” 

It was Claire. I nodded to Heidel, who was pouring my tea, and he hurried over to open the door. 

“Claire. Whaddaya want?” 

“‘Whadda’ I want? What a brusque way to speak to me—surely you already know why I’m here.” Claire sounded like she was trying to hold something in, choosing her words carefully as she talked to someone to whom she owed a great deal, namely me. “I’m sure you’re aware of your reputation among the castle staff by this point?” 

“Sure I am. I know people have been making slanderous accusations that I have no heart, but it’s all right—I’m too mentally strong to let that bother me. I survived my cousins’ teasing during the Festival of the Dead and my uncle’s lectures at New Year’s, so I think I’ll be fine.” 

Claire kind of flinched at that, like she really had to force herself to bite her tongue. “I see; that’s wonderful. Knowing how much personal fortitude you have and how much you’ve already contributed to our country, I have another favor to ask of you.” 

“Oh yeah? What have you got in mind?” 

I hadn’t always been Claire’s biggest fan, but when it came down to it, she wasn’t so bad. After all, both of us adored Iris. If there was something I could do for her, then I wanted to help. 

“Something only you could possibly do!” A sneaky little smile came over her face as she spoke. 

From behind her, someone said, “It’s been quite some time, Master Kazuma.” A wizard entered the room: It was Lain, Iris’s tutor. I wondered what could have brought both her and Claire here at the same time. 

Lain spoke as if in answer, but it sounded like the words genuinely pained her. “Ahem. . . I recognize that you worked very hard in Elroad to help our beloved Iris, Master Kazuma. And since you’ve been around to chat with her every night, our lady has grown ever more cheerful and seems to truly enjoy her life. . .” 

Claire picked up the thread. “Yes, definitely. She seems to be having fun every day. And we’re grateful for that. In the capital, we never know when the Demon King might attack, so we can hardly let Lady Iris out of doors. I can only imagine how hard it must be for a sensitive young girl like her. . . You have no idea how grateful I am to you for helping to take that burden off her shoulders even the slightest bit. And when I thought your heart might already belong to Lady Dustiness. . . But. . . But even so. . .!” 

What on earth were Claire and Lain trying to say? 

At that moment, there came yet another knock on my door. It was already open—maybe they were just being polite? 

The face that peeked into my room then was my little sister’s. Her melancholy look had vanished completely. I’d been teaching her some Japanese lately, and she’d been soaking it up like a sponge. Now, with perfect diction, she said happily: 

“Big Bro, aren’t you going to get yourself in trouble, sleeping so late? It’s wicked gorgeous outside. I made us some packed lunches, so why don’t we go eat outside, for real, though?” 

When Claire and Lain heard that, they both bowed their heads and exclaimed tearfully: 

““Master Kazuma, please, please go home!”” 

No way. For real, though. 

“He went that way! Get him!” 

Several hours later, believe it or not, I was being chased around the castle by armed troops. I could hardly remember ever having thought so fast or fought so hard. 

. . .Well, maybe once. And come to think of it, Iris had been involved that time, too. 

“There’s only one of him, but don’t underestimate him! He’s defeated several generals of the Demon King and some major bounty heads—there’s no telling what he might do!” 

The voice belonged to Claire, who was leading the chase for me. Maybe her shout was what inspired the soldiers in front of me to freeze in place. 

“Sir,” one of them said, “we can’t let you go any farther!” 

“Please stop fighting and come quietly. . .!” 

Yeah, as if. I kept my hand concealed in my bag as I murmured quietly, “Create Earth.” 

It was the prelude to a favorite tactic of mine. 

The soldiers in front of me were obviously confused. “Wh-what are you—?” 

“Wind Breath!” 

“Hrk?! Gaaaghhh?!” 

“My eyes. . .!” 

The blinded soldiers fell to their knees. Hmm. . . I could see one of them carried a rope, presumably for tying me up. I grabbed it—the poor guy was in no condition to stop me—and resumed running. 

I had to shake these guys somehow and get to Iris. I couldn’t go home, not yet. If I could just make it to Iris, I could sucker her into—er, I could persuade her to help me out here. 

A soldier grabbed my arm, and I slapped my hand over his nose. “Create Water!” 

“Hrgh!” He teared up as water shot into his nostrils. 

“M-Master Kazuma! The way you’ve been fighting. . . Is it possible. . .?!” 

Claire seemed to be dangerously close to putting the pieces together. And whereas I had thought I had been doing a pretty good job of running away, I suddenly discovered I was in a cul-de-sac. I registered that the alleyway I’d ducked into was a dead end at the same time as I heard Claire’s familiar voice from behind me. “. . .Sheesh. It seems perhaps I’m not the fine judge of character I thought I was.” 

I looked back and saw Claire flanked by several soldiers, all ready for a fight. I had to get past them, had to get to Iris. With that resolve in my heart, I confronted the woman who stood in my way. “It’s a real shame, Claire. That wine I drank while you told me stories of Iris’s childhood tasted really good. If we’d met some other way, we might have been friends.” 

“Master Kazuma. . . Believe me, I regret having to say good-bye to you this way. And I do owe you my thanks for at least one thing. You saved Lady Iris from a dangerous magical item, and I’m grateful for that. However. . .” 

“. . .However what?” 

Claire replied by drawing her sword. Ah. Someone was feeling peppy today. All right, then. . . 

“The one thing I can’t forgive is you stealing Lady Iris’s ring,” Claire went on. “I think I’ll have it back now. That ring is not for you to have. If you refuse to return it, I merely need to reveal your identity to the world. Yes, it will hurt Lady Iris terribly, but in this case, I’m left with no choice. If you don’t want to see that happen, then kindly give it to me. . .” 

If she was so into this, it would be plain rude of me not to be just as serious myself. “You can’t reveal my identity. I mean, think about it: The guy Iris loves so much that she sees him like a brother turns out to be a thief? Big black eye for the royal family. So let me tell you how it’s gonna go, White Suit. You’re gonna let me through there and I’m gonna walk away, or else I’m going to leave you here in tears.” 

Claire asked, “. . .And e-exactly how would you do that?” She had been so high-and-mighty until this moment, looking down her nose at me—but now she didn’t even seem angry; in fact, she looked deeply worried, like she was on the verge of tears already. What was with the change of heart? Was it because she had realized I was the thief who had broken into the castle? Or because today, she had finally seen me fight with her own eyes? 

Well, I didn’t care about the reasons. I was going to get to Iris and continue her “education.” That was what I promised myself as I showed Claire the rope. “I’ll tie you up with this rope using my Bind skill; then I’ll start using Steal on you until you beg me to stop!” 

“Eeeek! J-just a second, now! Wait, I say, Master Kazuma! You may forget it, but I am the daughter of a noble house! You would n-never do such a thing to me right here in public. . .w-would you. . .?” 

I gave the rope a few threatening spins in the air. “Let me tell you a few stories, points of reference for what I would or wouldn’t do to a noble girl. I once gave Darkness a good dunking in some water, and another time I tied her up and dragged her behind a carriage. Believe it or not, your call.” 

“Fall baaaack!” Claire exclaimed, her face screwed up in terror. But her soldiers did the opposite; they started to inch forward. With a bunch of them all coming at me at once from head-on, there wouldn’t be much I could do. 

“Leave this to us, Lady Claire! We’ll handle this man. . .!” 

There were four opponents. They had already seen me blind the other soldiers. I probably couldn’t get away with doing the same thing twice. 

“Now, sir, we’d like you to come with—!!” 

“Bind!” 

I didn’t let the soldier finish, immediately using my Bind skill. The soldier brought up his sword, but it wasn’t that easy to cut the rope that was flying through the air. Man and weapon both were ignominiously tied up. 

I hadn’t put a lot into the skill; he would be cut free sooner rather than later. But that little opening was all I needed! 

“I’ve got you!” another soldier shouted, reaching out for me. 

“Wind Breath!” The spell put him off-balance—only for a second, but I didn’t need much to escape the encircling soldiers. 

“Parlor tricks, that’s all he’s got! Don’t be afraid, men—go for him all at once!” Whoever was shouting, I guess he was the captain or something. 

“H-halt! Don’t do it! This man—!” Claire was exclaiming frantically, but it was too late. I lunged at my opponent, sticking out one hand as if reaching for a handshake. The guy gave me his hand reflexively—and I Drain Touched him dry. 

“Grgh?!” 

He collapsed to his knees; the other soldiers, unsure what had happened, stopped where they were, watching me carefully. That was all the invitation I needed to run past them. . .! 

. . .Which was when I discovered more than a dozen soldiers waiting for me. 

“That’s as far as you go, Master Kazuma. We have you surrounded! Now, kindly return to Axel Town with me—I’ll teleport you myself!” Lain, accompanied by the soldiers, looked a little pale. Claire emerged with two more men from behind me. 

Crap! There had to be something I could do! 

But it was all for nothing; I could see that Lain’s people had me completely encircled. 

Man, this is way too many soldiers to just get lucky against. But there were still so many things I hadn’t taught Iris. . .! 

“Come now, Master Kazuma,” Lain said, sounding exhausted. “Quit this useless struggling and go home. . . In the last hour and change, some of our people have been injured slipping on the ice you made, several more have been tied up with Bind, and at least one appears to have had the magic sucked clean out of him and is unconscious, though I have no idea how you did it. I’m almost impressed that one person could cause such chaos. It reminds me of that thief who broke into the castle. . .” 

“Hff. . .hff. . . I c-can’t. . .can’t believe this man. . .,” Claire added (I had given her the slip more than once), sounding equally spent. “I see now why Master Mitsurugi lost to him two separate times. I see it so clearly, it hurts. . . I have no idea what skills he has, but he seems to be able to tell where we are almost before we arrive and can then disappear even when we should have him cornered. . .” 

I guess she was talking about my Sense Foe and Ambush skills. My Read Lips and Second Sight abilities let me tell from a distance what orders she was giving, and when it seemed like they had me, Flee came in handy. But now it was starting to look like all my tricks had been for naught. 

Then again, if I had been the sort of normal guy who would let things end here, then I would never have defeated all those generals of the Demon King. 

Claire saw that I had stopped moving and took that as an indication that I was giving myself up. With an expression of relief, she came over to me. . . 

“Hey, Lain, how about a trade?” 

I kept up my whole not-resisting act as I spoke to the wizard. Even so, I saw Claire’s expression tighten when I said that. Lain raised an eyebrow. 

“If I remember correctly, you’re from a minor noble house, aren’t you, Lain? You know what close friends I am with Darkness—and you know I’m in good with Darkness’s dad. We’re so tight that he asked me to take good care of his daughter. In fact, the Dustinesses trust me so much, I’ve got a pendant with their crest on it.” 

Lain swallowed heavily at that, but Claire was almost hysterical. “Stop it! Don’t listen to him, Lain! Don’t let that man get into your head!” 

“. . .And Iris and I are such good friends, we call each other by our first names. So you can see how much she adores me—do you really want to tear us apart? Is that what Iris would want? You do me a little favor here, then in the future, Iris and House Dustiness will both remember how nice you were to me. Fortune beckons, my dear Lain.” 

“Ignore him! Even if you win some favor from the Dustinesses, you’ll be in my bad books! And I’m a terrifying enemy, Lain! Oh, and! And! Think of Lady Iris’s future—she may like this man, but he isn’t good for her! You know that as well as anyone—so long as he’s with her, Lady Iris is going to get worse and worse! Just think of how she’s been lately!” 

Caught between Claire and me, Lain looked confused. I guess the soldiers she had with her were some kind of personal guards of hers. They wouldn’t move to arrest me until they had the word from her. And if they were frozen in place, it meant Claire and her troops couldn’t move in on me, either. 

Lain stood there, looking from me to Claire and back, sweating and dithering. She was obviously deeply conflicted—one more good push should do the trick. 

“You’re a smart girl, Lain, so think it over. Wouldn’t a guy who’s defeated bounty heads and generals of the Demon King be helpful to have around? You’ve seen how powerful I am, right? I can spend my time here at the castle being Iris’s playmate, and if you guys wind up in a pinch, I can come to your rescue. I’m great at thinking up strategies and finding people’s weak points and stuff. . . What do you say? There’s no downside, is there? Iris is happy because she gets a playmate. I’m happy because I get to be with Iris. The whole country is happy because they get one more stalwart adventurer to keep them safe. And you, Lain, are happy because the Dustinesses and Iris love you. Sound good? What more could a person ask for?” 

“. . . . . .” She didn’t say anything. 

“Lain, don’t you fall silent! Don’t you clap your hands like, Oh, that makes sense! . . .F-fine, I understand! Lain, I think your house has incurred some debts, has it not? Let my family take them over! They amount to tens of millions, I believe, yes? Not a bad deal, is it?!” 

I could tell I’d had Lain hooked, but Claire’s offer was starting to bring her back. She bowed her head at me and whispered an apology. When Claire saw that, she finally relaxed a little, an expression of relief coming over her face. 

And if I had been just any adventurer, that might have been it. 

But I wanted to show them precisely how resourceful I could be. 

“Listen to me, Lain. My personal fortune is better than a billion right now. You understand what I’m—” 

“G-get him! Don’t let him say another word!” 

Before I could finish, I heard a shout from Claire, who had sneaked up behind me with her troops. 

“Hey, that’s no fair! You’re not supposed to attack a guy during negotiations! Hey, Claire, you want me to grab your panties again? You’re so quick to threaten Lain, but just think about what it would mean to make an enemy of me!” 

“I know, Master Kazuma—believe me, I know! At this moment, I’m more scared of you than I’ve ever been of any political opponent or monster I’ve ever faced! You have real ability, you’re a smooth talker, and you have powerful connections. I knew you had substantial personal wealth, too, but I never imagined. . .!” 

Nonetheless, Claire gestured to her men to take my arms. 

“Lain, did you bring the memory-erasing potion like I asked?” 

Memory-erasing potion? The heck? I was deeply disturbed by the sound of that, but the soldiers just held my arms even tighter. 

“I never wanted to have to do something quite this brutal, but you absolutely will corrupt Lady Iris if we let you stay with her. And if we simply forced you to return home, you would no doubt harbor a grudge against us. I have no idea what that might lead you to do, and as I believe I’ve made clear, that thought scares me. I’m very sorry, but I’ll have to ask you to forget everything since the day you agreed to go home with Lady Dustiness. Yes, everything that’s happened since you read those children’s letters and got all fired up. . . Now, Lain!” 

Whoa, hold on. 

They were going to make me forget everything since the day I agreed to go home? That would have to include the part where Iris told me she loved her big bro. . . 

“Y-yes, milady. You’re sure? This potion has the potential side effect, if you’re unlucky, of turning you into a blithering idiot. It was considered so potentially inhumane that it was outlawed. . . A-are you certain you want to do this?” Lain came up to me with the potion even as she let slip a bombshell about what it could do. . .! 

“S-stoppit! Don’t make me drink that bizarre crap! Remember this—you’re lucky it’s the middle of the day! I do my best work at night. With my Sense Foe and Ambush skills and my ability to see in the dark, I can get into any mansion in the world, and as long as I have a bow, I can snipe you from as far away as I like! Don’t you forget this! Don’t forget!” 

“Q-quickly! Lain, give him the potion now! Yikes! This man is terrifying! He’s saying he hasn’t even been operating at full capacity! Come to think of it, he didn’t use that awful Freeze move that nearly suffocated Master Mitsurugi. He’s been holding back on us! Quickly, Lain! Get rid of those memories, right up to this very moment!” 

“I’ve been a bodyguard for a long time, and I’ve never seen anything like this man! Q-quickly, now! Come on, Master Kazuma—open your mouth. . .!” 

So there I stood in a corner of the castle grounds, with soldiers holding my arms behind my back, as two noblewomen closed in on me and tried to force my mouth open. Someone just passing by might have thought I had it pretty peachy, but this was no joke! 

“Kindle!” 

“Owww! Hot, hot, hot! Oh no, he put a hole in my favorite cloak!” 

“So you insist on continuing the struggle to the bitter end. . .! You are truly a man to be feared, Master Kazuma! Lain, I’ll buy you a new cloak; just get your Teleport incantation ready! I’ll handle getting the potion into him!” 

Claire grabbed the potion and came toward me, but she looked like she was the one who was cornered. Try to at least look like you’re in charge, lady! 

Lain was quickly chanting her spell and Claire had the potion at my lips when it happened. 

“Big Bro!” 

Maybe all the commotion had attracted her. She was still a ways off, but Iris was running directly toward us with tears in her eyes. 

You know how it goes: Something awful is about to happen to the princess when the hero shows up and rescues her in the nick of time. That’s exactly what this was, except crucially, the roles were reversed. 

Iris took one look at me standing there covered in guards and said, “Claire, what do you think you’re doing to Big Bro?! I am wicked mad right now! Stop this immediately, or I’ll totally never forgive you!” 

“Lady Iris, I must ask you to stop—stop using these words wicked and totally and Big Bro. I understand and accept your royal rebuke. I’m now going to give this man a memory-erasing potion and send him back to Axel!” 

“I will so not forgive that!” Iris said, slapping at the soldiers in her way as if in hopes of stopping this herself. 

“I will so not forgive you, milady, if you don’t stop talking that way!” 

“The tic seems to have infected you as well, Lady Claire! Teleport is ready to go; just say the word!” 

Dammit, I was so close! 

“Elder Brother!” 

Iris realized we were out of time; she planted her feet and called my name at the top of her lungs. “Elder Brother, if ever we meet once more, I’ll never let you leave my side again!” 

What a heartening thing to hear from my dear little sister. 

“Yeah, Big Bro’s going home, Iris! But the next time I show up at the castle, believe me, I’m never gonna leave!” 

“He still doesn’t understand the position he’s in! Now, Master Kazuma, open your mouth! Lain, the instant I give him this potion, get him out of here!” 

Claire dumped the potion into my mouth. It must have been serious stuff, because my head immediately felt heavier, and everything started to go dark. . . 

“When you remember me, write me a letter! I’ll be waiting for you, Elder Brother—I believe you’ll defeat the Demon King one day. . .!” 



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