Chapter 2
May There Be a Friend for This Crimson Magic Girl!
1
“Hey, Kazuma. Where’s Darkness? Isn’t she home yet?”
Aqua was curled up on the sofa in front of the fireplace, which she’d claimed as her exclusive territory. She sounded almost bored.
It had been several days since the trial. Lord Alderp had summoned Darkness to fulfill her promise…
She had gone out last night and still hadn’t yet returned.
The thought of how Alderp had reveled in leering at her, the ugly glint in his eyes—it made my chest tighten.
Then again, this was the person whose instincts and, uh, preferences made her practically throw herself at a general of the Demon King’s army. Maybe she actually wanted this.
I didn’t have any romantic feelings to speak of for Darkness. It didn’t matter to me what she did or who she did it with.
But she’d been away all night to “fulfill a promise.” That meant she was at the inn where that lord was staying, and right about now they were…
“Aaaaaaahhhhhh!”
“Yeek! What? What? Don’t scare me like that, suddenly grabbing your head and screaming! You’re always a little crazy, Kazuma, but today you seem extra weird.”
Aqua was cowering at my sudden outburst.
Then in walked Megumin with…something.
She didn’t say anything to the two of us about the commotion we’d been making, just silently held the thing in her arms.
You know, I’ve been wondering about that thing for a while.
“Neeow!”
It was a cat. Megumin was holding a cat.
And she was staring silently at me.
“Are you trying to say you want to keep that thing in the house?”
“…Yes. She is quite tame and will not cause trouble… May I?”
It was the little black cat I saw periodically with Megumin. I had no idea where she usually kept it.
Nestled in Megumin’s arms, the cat squinted happily.
“I guess I don’t see why not. I don’t think anyone in the house is allergic to cats. Hey, she’s pretty friendly.”
When I reached out my hand to the cat Megumin was holding, the cat laid a paw sweetly on my finger.
It was a pretty rough world out there. And in a party full of problem children, we could all use a little stress relief. A heartwarming addition to the cast would do us all some good.
“Yowch! Why does she only scratch me?! Look at her… That black fur, that rotten attitude. I think I sense an evil aura here!”
Aqua was incensed that the cat had taken a swipe at her when she tried to pet it.
I took the cat from Megumin to protect her from the blue-haired beast. I set her on the carpet, keeping my back to Aqua to shield her.
Come to think of it, we had some fish left over from breakfast.
“Hey, Megumin,” Aqua said. “What do you call your evil little magic friend, anyway?”
“Chomusuke.”
I took the fish off the table, plate and all.
“…Wait. What did you say her name was?”
“Chomusuke.”
I leaned over toward the black cat—I mean, Chomusuke—with the leftover fish in my hand.
Life with such a messed-up owner isn’t easy, huh…?
I set the plate down, but Chomusuke didn’t eat the fish right away. Instead, she gave it a delicate sniff.
“Hey, Megumin,” Aqua said, “isn’t that cat a girl? Doesn’t she need a more girlie name?”
“No. Her name is Chomusuke.”
With the girls babbling behind me, I watched Chomusuke.
Watched her exhale a tiny flame to grill the fish.
……The hell was that just now?
I sat on the carpet hugging my knees as Chomusuke dug in to the leftovers.
“Hey, Aqua,” I said quietly. “Do the cats around here…breathe fire?”
I mean, the cabbages fly. Why shouldn’t cats breathe fire?
“What in the world are you talking about? Are you feeling all right?”
“Cats do not breathe fire,” Megumin added. “Cats go meow .”
“That’s right. And they like fish, and they’re very cute.”
Thanks. I already knew all that.
“I swear I just saw this thing breathe fire, though. She grilled the fish before she ate it!”
“…Kazuma. I think you need some rest.”
“You did go to jail and then endure that trial. It is a lot to deal with.”
“I’m telling the truth! I’m not crazy!”
As I pointed at Chomusuke and yelped, Megumin cut back in.
“By the way, what were you two so excited about earlier? Darkness isn’t a child anymore—she can stay out all night if she wants. You should both calm down.”
Clearly, I had failed to convince her.
“You seem pretty laid-back about this. Do you know what could be happening to Darkness right now? I’ll bet Lord What’s-His-Face is doing something awful to her at this very minute!”
Megumin just snorted.
“With Darkness, not even a lord could… I—I mean, there are certainly lots of unpleasant rumors about him, but Darkness can hold her own as an adventurer. I don’t think it would be so easy for him to force himself on her.”
This idiot! She didn’t get Darkness at all!
“Geez, you’re such a kid! You’ve known Darkness for how long? And you still don’t understand that perv! I’m sure she’s blushing and saying something like, Hrk! You can do as you wish with my body, but you can’t have my heart! I refuse to give in to you! ”
“?!”
Megumin hugged Chomusuke, who was still nibbling on the fish, apparently grasping the situation for the first time.
“Wh-wh-what do we do? Darkness—Darkness might be in trouble! What do we do, Kazuma?!”
“She’s been gone since yesterday, right? A whole night’s already passed—we’re too late. When Darkness comes back, just be nice to her like you always are, okay, guys?”
“S-sure! That means don’t ask what her most recent step on the stairway to adulthood was like.”
“Darkness! Ohh, Darkness!”
Aqua clenched her fist in a You can count on me gesture while Megumin stood and moaned.
If Darkness hadn’t done what she did, they’d probably have executed me by now. No amount of thanks would ever be enough.
Arrrgh, dammit!
Again, I wasn’t, like, in love with Darkness or whatever. But still…for some reason, it just made me really angry.
It was kind of like how when one of your female friends gets a boyfriend, it can cause some pretty confusing feelings.
At that moment…
“Kazuma Satou! Kazuma Satou, are you there?!”
There was a shout, then the front door opened.
It was Sena, her face red, her shoulders heaving with ragged breaths as she flung open the door.
“H-hey, I don’t have to prove anything yet! Sorry, but I don’t have time for you right now. My friend—”
“You don’t have time for me?! Cram it! I knew you were an agent of the Demon King all along! I can’t believe I let you play us again!”
Setting aside the false accusation, everything about her behavior gave me a bad feeling. Trembling, I asked, “P-played you how…?”
“The frogs! The frogs all over town are supposed to be hibernating for the winter!”
She seemed to be talking about Giant Toads, low-level monsters that were sort of a local nuisance. But I didn’t know anything about…
“You cannot just accuse a person of everything, you know,” Megumin said, sounding like she was spoiling for a fight. “You suggest we can control monsters and summon them out of their hibernation? Then show us the proof!”
“According to a Guild employee’s report, the frogs appear to have surfaced because something frightened them. Something like the explosion magic that has been used near town repeatedly the last several days and has caused so much trouble for residents.”
I grabbed Aqua and Megumin by their collars as they attempted to flee deeper into the house.
“Wait, please hear me out! I only did it because Aqua ordered me to! I am the perpetrator, true, but Aqua is the mastermind!”
“Megumin, you traitor! I remember you being pretty into the idea when I suggested it! Behold my power or whatever!”
I kept hold of their collars as things quickly headed south.
“This isn’t the time for a stupid argument! We’re going to clean up your mess.”
2
The whole town was white with snow.
“Nooo! I don’t want to be eaten by a frog! Not agaaaaiiin!”
Snow disturbed only by Aqua’s tortured shrieking.
“I’m surprised the frogs here don’t slow down at all in this cold. They’re as quick as ever. Everything around here is just a bit too hardy—including the vegetables,” I reflected as I watched a Giant Toad chase Aqua all over the winter wonderland.
“In this merciless world, every living thing struggles at all times to stay alive. We should learn from them. We must get stronger and stronger to survive.” Next to me, Megumin looked completely serious.
Even though everything below her shoulders was in the mouth of a Giant Toad.
Perhaps it was her extensive experience in the throats of these frogs that allowed her to remain so calm. She didn’t fight back, just let things take their course.
She had already used up her Explosion for the day, taking out a number of the pests.
Notwithstanding the powerless Megumin, the Giant Toad seemed to have had its fill and was completely still. Maybe Megumin’s staff was caught in its mouth.
“Hang tight. I’ll get you out of there.”
I hefted my sword and turned toward the creature that was busy digesting my Wizard.
“It’s all right, I can wait till you’ve taken care of the one chasing Aqua. It’s cold out anyway. This toad is nice and cozy.”
I had thought Megumin might be normal except for her Explosion mania, but maybe she was worse than I’d realized.
“Y-you seem awfully calm, given that one of your companions is being eaten by a toad and another is being chased around.”
Sena sounded a bit miffed. She had come along to keep an eye on us, even as she tried to keep a safe distance.
Well, she could say what she wanted. This was par for the course for us.
Instead of rescuing Megumin, I jabbed my sword into the ground and traded it for my newly purchased bow and arrows.
The golem I’d defeated during our assault on Mobile Fortress Destroyer let me level up twice in one fell swoop. I’d mulled over how to invest the skill points I got and realized that while we had a good, strong tank in Darkness, there was no one in our party who was capable of ranged attacks. We had Megumin, true, but she had only one blast in her, and she was as likely as not to catch Darkness in the area of effect.
That meant it was my time to shine as an Adventurer—a weak class, but able to learn all kinds of skills.
Taking advantage of this unique ability, I had asked Keith, the Archer, to teach me Bow Proficiency and Deadeye.
Bow Proficiency, as the name implied, allowed me to use a bow immediately. And Deadeye increased the range of ranged attacks. It also made you more likely to hit your target the higher your Luck was, so it was perfect for me.
I drew my bow and used Deadeye to take aim at the frog chasing Aqua.
“Kazuma! Quick! Quiiick!” Aqua shouted when she saw me.
You know what? I think I’d rather watch this a while longer.
When she saw I wasn’t making any move to shoot, Aqua came dashing toward me, so in fear for my life, I shot the toad in the head.
The bolt brushed Aqua’s hair and drove straight into its target.
Aqua, almost in tears, continued straight toward me.
“Okay, Megumin. You next.”
“Hey, Kazuma, were you waiting for me to get eaten? Were you?! And didn’t I feel that arrow touch my hair? That’s my best feature!”
I ignored her verbal deluge and pulled my sword out of the ground.
“Does their fighting style always put them at such risk of their lives? C-could people like this really be in league with the Demon King…?”
Behind us, Sena was taking notes on the fight and muttering something.
I was about to fall on the motionless toad and rescue Megumin when—
“W-wait, please! T-toads—”
Megumin, still sprouting from the frog’s mouth, suddenly raised a sound of alarm.
Aqua and I turned around.
“…Ah.”
Suddenly we realized there were three new Giant Toads behind us.
My back had been nice and dry right up till then, but now a cold sweat began to trickle down.
Oh man. This made four Giant Toads altogether. We didn’t have enough people to be food—I mean, decoys—for all of them.
If I could just get some distance, I could pick them off one by one…!
“Aqua, it’s time for a two-pronged strategy. I’m going to put some space between us and try to take one of them out. You go back to being the bait.”
“No way! I’m sick of these frogs chasing me! You be the bait this time!”
“You idiot, your attacks aren’t strong enough to stop them! If we can take one out, there will only be two left. Then you and Sena can distract them!”
“What?! I’m just your observer; I’m not supposed to get inv— Are you suggesting you would use a bystander like me as a decoy?!”
Somewhere in the middle of Aqua’s crying and Sena’s shouting, I could hear Megumin.
“Pardon me, but I now seem to be sliding down this frog’s gullet bit by bit. If someone could perhaps rescue me…”
“Gaaah, I wish Darkness were here! The frogs can’t swallow her and her armor! When the hell is she gonna get back?!”
I locked eyes with the frog swallowing Megumin and raised my sword—!
“ Light of Saber !!!”
A clear voice rang out across the snow.
At the same moment, a beam of light shot toward the frog consuming Megumin.
The beam passed through the monster’s body. There was a beat, and then it fell clean in half.
I was pulling Megumin clear of its mouth when—
“ Energy Ignition !”
The voice came again.
The three frogs closing in on us spontaneously combusted. The blue-white flames engulfed them as if their bodies had caught fire from the inside.
As the aroma of grilled frog drifted by, I contemplated how little I wanted to carry the goop-drenched Megumin on my back. Instead, I used Drain Touch to give her my scant MP.
She managed to stand, albeit with a pronounced wobble.
Her attention rested on a girl in a black robe, maybe a year or two younger than me.
I’d never seen her before, but she was staring at Megumin.
“That was Advanced Magic…! This beginner town has…someone who can use skills like that…?”
With Sena exclaiming behind me, I bowed to the new girl.
“I don’t know who you are, but you saved us. Thanks.”
She glanced at me and blushed just a little. “I didn’t s-save you, all right? I just couldn’t let some toad be the one to finish off my rival. What would I do then?” she murmured, looking at the ground.
“Ooh, you know Megumin?” Aqua asked, her enthusiasm restored now that the frogs were gone.
“Yeah, I guess… I mean, we’re rivals… Megumin! It’s been a while. My training is over and I’ve come back, just like I said I would. As you can see, I can even use Advanced Magic now! It’s time for you to fulfill the promise we made! After all this time, everything will be settled today!”
She jabbed a finger at Megumin, looking genuinely thrilled.
Man, this was some dramatic twist.
As for the girl being called out…
“I’m sorry… Who are you again?”
“Whaaat?!”
This dispassionate answer from the goop-covered Megumin provoked a cry of surprise from the new girl.
I couldn’t help noticing the newcomer reminded me of our Arch-wizard somehow.
Her black robe and black mantle looked a lot like the ones Megumin had on.
She carried a silver wand and wore a dagger at her hip.
A little taller than Megumin, she was maybe a little better proportioned overall.
And while she was clearly set on what she wanted, she also appeared to be on the quiet side. Not bad-looking at all.
If she’d been in Japan, I could easily have pictured her as class rep or president of the student council. She had the look of the classic overachiever.
Her hair was tied with ribbons, and she had those distinctive red eyes.
The very same ones as Megumin.
“I-it’s me! Your classmate from the academy at the Crimson Magic Village! You were number one and I was number two? And—and I said I was going to go learn how to use Advanced Magic?” The Crimson Magic Clan girl pointed to herself, desperately trying to jog Megumin’s memory.
Wait, what was that she just said? That sounded big.
“Hang on a second. Did she just say you ranked first at school?”
Megumin only chuckled.
“Why so shocked? When I first met you, did I not tell you that I was first among the spell-casters of the Crimson Magic Clan? It is your fault for not believing me. But now that we have known each other all this time, surely you understand.”
“Yeah, that’s…a pretty hard story to buy when you’re standing there covered in frog spit.”
“Wh-what?!”
“Hold it, you two!” The new girl broke into our argument. “Megumin, it’s me! Do you really not remember?! How I would always challenge you on tests and everything at school, and you would always say that if there was going to be a duel, there had to be a prize, and make me wager my lunch? I can’t count the number of lunches you stole from me that way.”
Wow. Megumin did that?
I stared at her, and she glanced away.
“Hey, if you guys are going to be a while, mind if I go ahead to the Guild? I want to get them to take care of these frogs before the meat goes bad.” Aqua indicated the cooked monsters.
Frankly, I wasn’t thrilled that she was leaving me alone in this situation. But at the moment, we needed every bit of spare change we could get, and it would be better to let Aqua handle things. Anyway, this meant Megumin and I could head straight back home, and she could wash off the amphibian stink that much sooner.
“Hmm. It looks like there’s a lot going on. I’ll call it a day for now, as well… Kazuma Satou, I admit you looked like an Adventurer today, but I haven’t dismissed the possibility that this was all an act to throw me off. I don’t trust you yet.”
And with that, Sena fixed one final glare on me, then headed to town with Aqua.
3
Left to handle things myself in the snowy field, I turned again to Megumin.
“So, this girl says she knows you, and you…don’t know her? She seems pretty familiar with you. You sure you aren’t acquainted?”
“I do not, and she has not even told us her name, which is most strange. She must be one of those ‘sharks’ you told Aqua not to get involved with no matter how badly we needed money. We should avoid her.”
She took my hand and tried to lead me away.
Seeing the two of us about to go, the girl said in a panic, “H-hold it right there! F-fine! I hate to do this in front of a stranger, but I’ll give you my name! …I’m Yunyun. An Arch-wizard, wielder of Advanced Magic. And future leader of the Crimson Magic Clan…!”
Blushing furiously as she said all this, Yunyun flung out her mantle with a dramatic fwap .
Apparently, there was some rule that Crimson Magic Clan members had to act overly dramatic when they announced themselves.
Observing all this, Megumin said to me, “So, you see? She’s Yunyun. Daughter of the current leader of the Crimson Magic Clan and next in line for the succession. Also, my self-proclaimed rival when we were in school.”
“I see. I’m Megumin’s party member, Kazuma. Nice to meet you, Yunyun.”
“S-so you do remember! W-wait, what? Kazu…Mr. Kazuma…? You aren’t going to laugh at my name?” Yunyun asked timidly, taken aback.
“So your name’s a little odd. That doesn’t say anything about you. I even happen to know of someone who’s notoriously known as the crazy explosion girl, even though she’s already got the weirdest name you ever heard.”
“Me? Are you talking about me? I have not heard that nickname! When did I get that nickname?”
A strange but clearly surprised look came over Yunyun’s face. “I see. I should have expected it, Megumin. You found some good friends. Nothing less from my rival.”
Something seemed to have improved her opinion of me.
“Say, if we’re going to chat together, how about we do it somewhere else? You don’t just want to stand here, do you?”
At my suggestion, Yunyun’s eyes went wide, and she took a step back from Megumin and me.
“Oh yeah! I almost forgot after Megumin tried so hard to pretend she didn’t know me! Megumin, I came here to settle things with you! I’m going to be the leader of the Crimson Magic Clan someday. How can I sit confidently on that throne if I can’t win against you? And above all—”
Yunyun stood, jabbing a finger in Megumin’s direction.
“I’ve learned Advanced Magic, just like I promised. All I have to do now is beat you and claim the right to call myself first among the spell-casters of the Crimson Magic Clan. Then no one will be able to object when I become leader. No one will be able to say I didn’t earn it! Now, Megumin. Duel me!”
The resolve in her eyes was unmistakable.
“I don’t wanna. It’s cold out and I’m freezing.”
Megumin made this sound like a perfectly ordinary response.
“Wha—?” Yunyun stiffened.
“Are you? Let’s go home, then. I’ll heat the bath. You can go first. Then let’s all have a nice meal.”
I made to leave with Megumin, but…
“W-w-w-wait a second! How can you do this to me? It’s been so long—how can you be so cold? Megumin, duel me! I’m begging you!”
Yunyun was panicked, beseeching.
Finally, Megumin sighed.
“But I’m out of magic for today. I used up all my MP. Do you intend to challenge me by magic anyway? Heh-heh-heh, I think you’ll find you’re underestimating me. Just now, my power vaporized eight of these foolish frogs in a single blow. Can you match that, Yunyun?”
As Megumin growled this delusionary nonsense, Yunyun looked at me in surprise. She probably wanted some sign whether it was true.
“I guess that’s true, more or less.”
Though conveniently putting aside her total inability to move afterward.
Yunyun lowered her eyes to the ground and swallowed, a little paler than before.
“You have been away and probably don’t know, but…have you heard? How day after day of my magic so frightened the general of the Demon King that he emerged from his castle, and how I then slew him? Or how my Explosion obliterated the invincible Mobile Fortress Destroyer?”
Yunyun’s head swiveled back and forth between Megumin and me, looking more and more anxious.
Well, I guess she isn’t technically lying.
“It is true that the Demon King’s general emerged because of Megumin’s magic, and that she struck the final blow on Destroyer.”
It’s all in how you spin it, as they say.
I wasn’t sure Yunyun’s face could get any whiter.
“E-e-e-e-even so, I will have a duel! I must…! Even if I have no chance of winning, I will fight you again and again!”
Despite the tears glistening in her eyes and the note of fear in her voice, Yunyun was clearly not going to change her mind.
Megumin heaved another deep sigh.
“…I can see I have no choice. I’ll tell you what we’ll do. I can’t use any more magic today. So how about martial arts? You were always better at that anyway. You seem to be something of an adventurer now yourself. I assume a written test won’t be enough for you anymore. We will use no weapons. Victory and defeat will be determined by who gives in first. How does that sound?”
Yunyun wore an expression of open surprise.
“Are you sure? I mean, at school you hardly ever came to martial arts class… Surely you’re not trying to make this easy for me? I mean, you would show up as soon as lunch break started and make a big show of walking in front of me so I would challenge you and you could take my lunch…”
“…So you were pretty terrible, huh, Megumin?”
“It was a matter of life and death for me. Because of my home situation, her lunches were my lifeline. If I had challenged her myself, would it not have been little more than extortion?”
Yunyun closed her eyes.
She took a deep breath, then put on a lovely smile.
“Fine. I accept those terms. And someone once told me that a proper duel needs a prize! I’ll wager this manatite crystal. It’s very pure, a top-class item! Any mage would fall all over themselves to have it!”
Yunyun brought out a small jewel.
Judging by the name, it must be full of MP.
Megumin nodded in satisfaction.
“Very well, I accept! Come at me, then, any way you like!”
Megumin spread her arms threateningly.
Yunyun, for her part, dropped into a low stance and made a fist.
Physically speaking, Yunyun looked like the clear favorite. She was ahead in height and physique, plus she had a well-balanced proportion of muscles on her slim arms and legs. In contrast, Megumin didn’t seem likely to be good at hand-to-hand combat by any stretch of the imagination. Honestly, she looked like a completely average girl and a less-than-average Wizard.
Yunyun slid forward, closing up space.
Megumin continued to stand with her hands raised, as if she might give her rival a hug at any time.
“…Hey, Megumin. Hang on a second. Your body looks kind of…shiny. Is that…”
“Yes. This is frog spit!”
Megumin was quick to answer the hesitant question.
Yunyun scrunched up her face, but the other Wizard went right on.
“You saved me earlier. My entire body is covered in frog secretions. But why do you hold back? Come at me! The moment you get near, I shall grab and pin you!”
Having made this announcement, Megumin, her arms still wide, began to creep forward, but for every step she took, Yunyun took one back.
“M-Megumin? Th-this isn’t funny… You’re joking, right? Th-this is just a strategy to shake my confidence and make me give in. Right? You always used to do that. Y-you can’t fool me anymore…”
Yunyun slowly backed away, trying to maintain her bluff. Megumin, red eyes sparkling, slowly edged forward.
She had the look of a kid playing a prank on a close playmate.
“We’re friends, aren’t we? I believe a friend is one who shares your trials…”
Finally, Yunyun turned and ran.
Megumin gave chase.
“I give!” Yunyun exclaimed. “I give up! I’ll give you the manatite—just don’t come any closer!”
4
Megumin successfully gooped Yunyun to tears and sent her on her way. We were on the road back home.
“Oh, Kazuma. Here. It will fetch a good price. Use it to help pay off our debt.”
She handed me the manatite crystal she had just won.
I recalled Yunyun saying any mage would fall all over themselves to get it.
“Are you sure? You don’t want to use it? Not that I know how it works.”
To my surprise, Megumin chuckled.
“Manatite crystals are quite helpful. They shoulder some of the MP burden when you use magic. But they are a consumable. A crystal of this size and purity could never power my Explosion. These gems are precious to your average magic user, but a great mage like myself has no use for them.”
I see she managed to work in a little pat on the back for herself there…
“Doesn’t that worry you? I know I’ve asked you before, but don’t you want to learn some non-explosion mag—”
“No.”
“Didn’t think so.”
Her answer was immediate. I heaved a sigh.
Well, what else was I going to do? This little incident just went to show that even Megumin could step up sometimes.
…Right?
That Yunyun girl had used Advanced Magic. It made for an impressive show and took care of those frogs no problem.
Not only that, but she was pretty and stylish.
Compared to such a striking spell-caster…
“…What? What are you sighing about? …Crimson Magic Clan members excel not only in magic but in Intelligence. Shall I guess what you are thinking at this moment?”
Megumin regarded me with suspicion when I sighed.
………………
“…I was thinking how much prettier you are than that girl.”
“Oh, thank you! Such thoughtful praise deserves a hug!”
“N-no, don’t! You smell like frog! Keep away!”
When we got back, we discovered Aqua wasn’t home yet. Nor was there any sign of Darkness, whom I would have expected by now.
I made a beeline for the bath, deeply conscious of my goopy back.
“Ugh… It stinks… I’ve never been less happy to get a hug.”
“You may wish to be more grateful. There are people who pay money to be hugged by a slimy girl,” Megumin said nonchalantly as she followed behind me.
When I started to enter the changing room, Megumin tugged on my sleeve.
“…What do you want?”
“I hate being slimy. Let me go first.”
“Well, I don’t like it, either, and it’s your fault I got this way. Anyway, I have to go first so I can heat the bath. Our tub works by magic, remember? You don’t have any MP left, so how would you keep the water warm? I bet the MP I shared with you would barely be enough to make it lukewarm. So just go sit by the fire until I wash up.”
I shooed Megumin away, and she shot me a dirty look.
“If I sit by the fire, the goop will dry on my robes, and then I’ll never get the smell out. Haven’t you ever heard of ‘ladies first’? Show some chivalry!”
“Me, I’m for equality of the sexes. You can’t crow about how special women are when it’s convenient, then turn around and get upset at men. And if you want to be treated like a lady, start by waiting until you’re old enough to actually be a lady.”
“Hey! Are you treating me like a child?! I’ll have you know that we are only three years apart! In ten years we will be twenty-six and twenty-three, and that is not much of a—”
“The future’s the future and the past is the past. I live in the present. And at present, you just look like a little kid to me. No ifs, ands, or buts. I’ll take my bath now!”
As I spoke, I ducked into the bathing area, lit the water heater with a bit of magic, and peeled off my slime-covered shirt.
“This man bares himself in front of me!”
Megumin drew back a bit, but I wasn’t worried about some kid seeing me shirtless.
“You want to see any more, you’re going to have to pay. No haggling.”
The Wizard bit her lip in frustration, then gave a snort as if she’d thought of something.
With a triumphant smile on her face, she began to taunt me.
“…I understand now. You don’t see me as a woman, Kazuma. Well, let’s bathe together, then! If I’m nothing more than a child to you, that should be normal enough.”
“Yeah, I guess it’d be just as refreshing to be in there together. All right, I’m going in now.”
“What?!”
Megumin was the one who’d brought it up, but my nonchalant agreement seemed to catch her by surprise.
“P-pardon me, but is this not the part where you say in embarrassment, I-idiot, we can’t do that! and then politely allow me to go first?”
“Why should I follow a hackneyed old script like that? Just so you know, unwritten rules don’t carry much weight with me. For example—just for example, now. Let’s say you fell in love with me, but I was being mobbed by other girls, and you got jealous and decided you were going to try to beat it out of me—you better believe I’d fight right back. When I do something, I do it right. And don’t you forget it.”
“…I can see I’ve underestimated you, Kazuma. But I shall not fall in love with you, so there is no need for concern. I’m also not quite sure this is the appropriate time for the expression, ‘When I do something, I do it right.’ But I shall let that pass.”
Perhaps Megumin finally saw she had lost, because she started to leave the changing room…
“What’s this? All that taunting and now you’re going to leave me in here alone? Sheesh, you really are just all talk. And you wonder why I treat you like a kid.”
“All talk?! Me?! What a thing to say! I’ll show you! I can get in a little bath! Now stop hiding behind that towel, Kazuma, and get in the tub!”
“Hey, quit it! Stop trying to yank my towel off, you perv! Why are you so strong, anyway? Did Yunyun ever tease you for being like a boy? Have a little decency, will you?”
Once she had dramatically ripped off her robe and covered herself in a towel, Megumin strode boldly into the bathing area.
Huh?
I thought I saw some kind of pattern peeking out from underneath the towel in the vicinity of her butt.
“This water is lukewarm! Give it some more magic! Come on, hurry up and come here!” The Arch-wizard had dipped one hand in the water and was shouting for me.
Maybe it was just my imagination? …Oh well.
5
“Ahhh…”
“Ahhhhh… Maybe a midday bath isn’t such a bad idea every once in a while. I feel like I could just drift off to sleep…” I sank up to my shoulders in the huge tub, stretching my arms and legs luxuriously.
The size of the bathtub was the best thing about this house.
“Are you sure we shouldn’t have stayed with that Yunyun girl? You guys hadn’t seen each other in, like, forever, right?”
“I’m sure we’ll meet again. She does consider me her rival, after all.”
Megumin, also submerged up to her shoulders, rested her chin on the edge of the tub and closed her eyes, enjoying the water.
“Yunyun, huh? I guess it is kind of a weird name, but she’s a cute girl. Plus, she seems to have a lot of sense for being a friend of yours.”
“The way you phrase that makes it sound as if you think I do not have sense. She is the same age as me, you know. Do you not see her as a child?”
Chin still resting on the edge of the tub, Megumin opened one eye at me.
So she and Yunyun were the same age… I looked afresh at the girl lounging in the tub with me.
“…Hey. I will have you tell me what you were thinking when you looked at me just now.”
“I was thinking everyone grows up at different rates, that’s all— Hey, stoppit, don’t do your Explosion chant! I know you don’t have any MP left, but you’re still gonna give me a heart attack!”
I put my chin on the edge of the tub in imitation of Megumin.
“So she’s thirteen, huh? I don’t go for girls more than two years younger than me, so thirteen-year-olds are out. If she were fourteen, at least that would make her middle school second year and me high school first year. That’s almost doable.”
I was just sort of talking to myself, but Megumin replied anyway.
“Second year middle school and first year high school? I don’t know what you mean, but I will be fourteen next month. Will you stop treating me like a child then?” Her eyes remained blissfully closed as she spoke.
“No way, really? Your birthday is next month? Wait—fourteen? So you’re gonna graduate from your jailbait persona?”
“Who are you calling jailbait? And I don’t recall ever adopting a persona like that! …What? What is it? Why do you look so—?”
The girl I’d treated as a sort of ill-behaved younger sister had suddenly started to seem like an ill-behaved younger schoolmate instead.
“Wh-what do I do now? Suddenly this situation seems kind of embarrassing…”
“What do you mean? You changed your mind? Stop it—I’ll get embarrassed, too! Anyway, does just one year make that much difference to you? I mean—stop stealing awkward glances at me!”
What was the story here? Why was my heart pounding?
All of a sudden, I realized I’d gotten myself into a pretty tight spot.
“Hey, why are we in this bath together anyway, Megumin? If you really think about it, isn’t this kind of…bad?”
“You’re saying that now?! Stop it! Why would you turn all levelheaded now?”
Megumin scuttled backward, trying to put as much distance between us as she could. I tried to do the same thing in the other direction.
“I mean—what if someone sees us here? There’s no way to play this off as a joke. It’s exactly at times like these when someone who can’t read these kinds of situations—”
So, naturally, right at that moment…
“I’m hooome!”
…we heard the voice of somebody famous for not being able to read any situation.
“You jinxed us, Kazuma!”
“This isn’t the time to be pointing fingers! One of us has to hurry and get out of here!”
Megumin and I both jumped up to leave the tub at the same time, then both sank back down in embarrassment.
“Why are you trying to leave with me? Are you trying to see what my wet towel reveals? Are you not worried I will see what yours does?”
“Hey, I’m getting out of here, so you stay in the water. Wait—the key! Please tell me we locked the changing room…”
“N-no, we didn’t! And you know this is when Aqua will come straight here. Wh-wh-what do we do? Do something, please!”
Whatever the hell the options even were, obviously the first step was for one of us to get out of the bath.
If Aqua found us here, I was sure she would come up with some slanderous nickname for me—loliNEET or loli-lover or who knows what.
“Kazumaaa! Megumiiin! I’m hooome! Aren’t you going to greet me? I brought the money we got for the frogs!”
Her voice was getting closer.
I sprang out of the tub and zipped toward the changing room.
At the sound of my footsteps, Aqua seemed to realize where I was.
“Kazumaaa! …Oh, taking a bath?”
An instant before the changing room door could open, I summoned all the magical power in my body, and with my right arm outstretched, I focused on a spell like I never had before.
“ Freeeeze !!”
With my entire store of magic behind it, the spell froze the doorknob instantaneously, while I, my MP spent, collapsed to the floor in the wave of exhaustion that followed.
“Kazuma, I left your and Megumin’s money on the table, okay? When you’re done with your bath, let’s go get something to eat!”
Then she walked away, never even trying to open the door.
…Of course she didn’t. She knew I was in here. What did I think this was, a manga?
“A-are you all right, Kazuma? Did you use up all your magic? I mean…that was a close one. We almost—”
“I almost got certified with a Lolita complex! That was really a close one… Hey, Megumin. Sorry, but could you dry me off? I can’t move, and I don’t want to catch a cold…”
I couldn’t see Megumin from where I lay prone on the floor. But…
“You say you will be considered a jailbait lover for getting in the bath with me? I shall have you explain this! You make awfully bold demands for someone who can’t move a muscle!”
“Hey—hey, stop that! What are you doing, taking my towel off?! Now who’s the perv?! Hey— A-Aquaaa! Aquaaa! The jailbait won’t leave me alone!”
6
Aqua did burst in to help me, and when the dust settled, I had acquired the nickname of loliNEET.
We ate our second, strangely lonesome dinner without Darkness.
And then, the next morning…
“What, you two are up already?” I asked as I came into the living room.
The night before, we had concluded that going on quests without Darkness was dangerous. So today was going to be free time for all of us.
In the end, Darkness hadn’t come home yesterday, either.
I knew she’d said that lord was obsessed with her, but did he actually kidnap her?
Or had something unexpected happened…?
If she didn’t come back tonight, I would take matters into my own hands.
I was wandering around town, on the hunt for food after deciding it was too much trouble to make breakfast, when I spotted a certain Crimson Magic Clan girl.
She pattered along by herself, casting a greedy eye at every food stall.
Finally she stopped and gazed at a place selling grilled kebabs.
A moment later, a customer came up, laughed with the clerk, then bought three skewers.
That seemed to help her make up her mind. She made for the stall and bought three, just like the last customer.
…I got the impression she had never ordered street food before and wasn’t sure what to do.
I thought about calling out to her, but seeing how she was stuffing her face, I decided to leave her be.
“I’ve heard there have been some weird monsters around town lately. They’re not that strong, but…”
“Oh yeah, I’ve heard that, too. They look really strange, and if they see a moving object, they latch onto it and then explode. You’re talking about those things, right?”
I overheard this conversation between two adventurers while I strolled around town, after getting breakfast from a random shop.
Weird monsters…?
I mean, personally, I find all the monsters around here weird.
But it might be worth keeping in mind anyway.
Such were the thoughts running through my head when I saw that same familiar girl again, this time loitering in front of a shooting-gallery stall.
This wasn’t quite like the carnival target-practice places in Japan, though. It featured a real bow and arrows with blunt tips.
Many of the customers enjoying the game were couples. The guy would win a prize and hand it to his girlfriend.
This area must be the place to go for dates around here. And this particular stall seemed to be marketing itself to people sharing a romantic time together. That much was obvious from the prizes.
Maybe the girl was embarrassed to be there alone, because she waited until every one of the couples had left and the stall was deserted before she stepped up to try her hand.
She evidently didn’t know much about archery, though, because none of her shots came anywhere near the prize she wanted.
She kept handing money to the stall owner to try again, until finally a couple came up and began shooting, and the girl returned the bow and awkwardly made to leave.
Hmm…
Let’s think this through, here. My party includes this girl’s rival, so I guess we’re not necessarily on the best of terms, but…
“Hey,” I said, nearing her.
“…? Oh! Um, Mr. Kazuma, hello…!”
With barely a glance Yunyun’s way as she greeted me, I marched straight up to the shooting-gallery owner and handed him some money.
“ Deadeye !”
With my sniping skill, I was able to get the prize for Yunyun with one shot.
It was a samurai-like plush toy. As it tumbled off the shelf, I thought it looked somehow like General Winter.
“Here. This is the one you wanted, right?”
I handed it to Yunyun with feigned disinterest.
If I had been in her shoes, I wouldn’t be surprised if I fell in love with me on the spot.
Yunyun’s cheeks went a pale red, and for a second she didn’t seem sure she could accept the toy.
But then a smile spread across her face, and she said joyfully, “Th-thank you very much…!”
“I’m sorry, sir, but the sign clearly says Archers and the Deadeye skill are not allowed. You can keep the prize, but I’ll need you to pay double the fee…”
Apologizing and forking over more cash to the shopkeeper, I probably didn’t look as cool as I would have liked.
“O-okay then, I’ve got to go find the rest of my party. See you later.”
Partly due to my embarrassment, I raised a hand to wave good-bye to Yunyun…
“What? Oh… Um…”
Yunyun reached out a hand forlornly as if to stop me, but then drew it back and readjusted her arms around the plush figure. She bowed instead.
“Th-thank you again for this General Winter toy!”
So it was General Winter.
The trauma of my own death at his hands left me feeling like I’d been shot with an actual arrow, but I decided to try to look pleased.
I parted ways with Yunyun and went back to looking around town.
My party members being as obvious as they were, I figured I’d run into them sooner or later, but…
“Step right up! Who’s our next challenger?!”
I turned toward the voice to see a large crowd.
My curiosity led me closer. Everyone else drawn by the voice seemed to be unusually burly.
When I got close enough, I could see…
“All right, me next!”
A beefy muscleman, probably an adventurer himself, stepped out of the crowd. He was in civilian clothes, so I couldn’t say exactly what his class was, but he clearly belonged on the front line.
The man took the hammer from the shopkeeper, and…
“YAAAAAAHHHH!”
With a tremendous shout, he brought it crashing down.
The object of his blow was some kind of rock.
The hammer struck it, sending up little sparks. But as for the rock itself…
“Damn. Still no good, huh?”
The man’s rueful words were right. The stone didn’t have a scratch.
At that, the shop owner raised his voice again:
“Another good man unable to prevail! The prize money is going up to one hundred and twenty-five thousand eris! Ten thousand eris a try! Every time someone fails, another five thousand is added to the pot! Is no one here confident in his strength? Use all the magic you want! Test yourself against Adamantite! Anyone able to break it is qualified to call himself a first-rank adventurer! Who will accept the challenge?”
I see. Boy, they’ve got everything around here.
Given how I had occasionally thought of starting a business myself, this place had a lot to teach me.
Still, with my skills and strength, I didn’t see myself putting a dent in that Adamantite.
Suddenly, as I stared into the distance, I saw her for the third time that day.
“We meet again, Yunyun.”
She was by herself as usual, clenching her fists as she intently watched the adventurers slam the hammer into the stone. This time I greeted her openly.
At first I wondered whether, as Megumin’s self-proclaimed rival, she might see me as an enemy, too, but judging by how things had gone earlier, she didn’t dislike me that much.
When she saw me, she exclaimed happily, “Oh, Mr. Kazuma! Thank you again for getting me that plush toy. Look at this! They claim that rock is Adamantite!”
Maybe they didn’t have street games like this in the Crimson Magic Village.
“Yunyun, you can use Advanced Magic, right? Think you could break that stone? They say magic’s allowed.”
“Me? Against Adamantite? I’m afraid not,” Yunyun said. “You would need to blow it up with some extremely powerful magic. Explosion might be a little much, but you’d need some kind of explosive magic, or at least blasting magic, to get the job done.” She smiled ruefully.
As we were talking, yet another challenger showed up, failed, and went on his way.
Before I knew it, the prize was more than two hundred thousand.
The crowd got bigger and bigger, and the barker got more and more excited.
“Maybe Adamantite was too much for the adventurers of this town! I came when I heard you had felled Mobile Fortress Destroyer. Are you going to let this stone go unshattered? Come on now, step right up! Have we no challengers?!”
As he heckled us at the top of his lungs, adventurers began giving one another little shoves, urging their peers to try their strength.
Everyone knew it was just a ploy on the barker’s part, but they also couldn’t stand that no one had managed to break the rock.
As the gathered adventurers exchanged glances, a young woman slipped out in front.
There stood my party member, puffing out her chest importantly. Her usual robe had been replaced with a black dress meant for streetwear.
The look on her face was as satisfied as the day she had brought down Destroyer.
“Your challenger,” she declared, “has appeared.”
No sooner had Megumin said this than all the other adventurers there, including me, rushed to hold her back.
7
“Hey! Is this any way to treat a young woman who has not even done anything yet?”
I had Megumin pinioned so I could clap my hands over her mouth if she started chanting.
Each arm was in the firm grasp of an adventurer.
“Hey, man, now that this kid’s here, you better close up shop! The whole town knows she’s crazy for explosions. She won’t be able to resist your challenge!”
At my urging, the stall owner began to clean up, his face pallid and drawn.
At the sight of the owner making his escape, Megumin began to struggle.
“Ohh! But I can break that stone! My Explosion will annihilate it!”
“Run, man! Run as fast as you can!”
“Yeeeek!” The owner snatched up his supplies and departed with haste.
Megumin watched him go in disappointment.
When I was sure he was a safe distance away, I let her go.
The crowd began to disperse.
“Geez,” I said to Megumin, “I already can’t take my eyes off Aqua. Speaking of which, isn’t she with you?”
“No. She said she had somewhere she wanted to go, so we split up. With all the money this town has received for annihilating Destroyer, we’ve been flooded with people hoping to take advantage, right? A little while ago, she had set up next to some street performers and was offering to do a better show for free than the one they were charging for. I believe they were in tears.”
Actually, I…kind of feel sorry for them.
I wanted to do something to help, but I also wanted to avoid getting caught up in anything else.
I felt bad, but those performers would just have to manage on their own.
That was when Megumin tugged on my sleeve.
“Since we are here, how about we walk around town together? There are stalls all over. I considered wandering around intimidating shopkeepers.”
“A-and here I thought you had more sense than that. Notwithstanding the explosion-crazy thing.”
Amid this banter, as the two of us got ready to leave, a small voice came from behind us.
“Um…”
I turned around. Yunyun was watching us forlornly.
“…Wanna come with?”
For a second she looked thrilled—then she glanced at Megumin and seemed a bit stricken.
“I—I came here to beat Megumin, not to get all buddy-buddy with her! Thank you again for your help at that archery stall. I really appreciate it! …But I certainly won’t go with you!”
Then, hugging that unsettling plush toy to her chest, she backed away a step.
“You heard her. Let us go, Kazuma.”
“S-sure…”
We left Yunyun, who had pointedly turned her back to us.
“……Ahh……”
With a deep, lonely sigh and a slump of her shoulders, she trotted away.
She glanced over her shoulder as if she’d felt a tug on her pigtails…
…and found us, following not far behind and eating a crepe-like thing we’d gotten at a nearby stall.
“U-um…why are you following me?”
“I thought I might be able to witness the familiar sight of your tears when the loneliness finally got to be too much for you.”
With that, Yunyun leaped at Megumin.
8
“Yunyun, you were always known for being embarrassed about your name despite being a member of the Crimson Magic Clan. At school you usually ate by yourself. I would parade around in front of you while you ate because you were so happy to challenge me…”
“Now, hold on! I d-don’t think…it w-was…that bad… I—I mean, I do feel like we fought every day, but it wasn’t because I was lonely. I even had friends.”
The three of us headed for the edge of town as we chatted.
Why? Because in the course of our conversation, these two had decided to duel again.
At Yunyun’s words, Megumin stopped dead.
“Doth mine ears deceive me? Yunyun… friends ?”
“Wh-what? Of course I had friends! You knew them, too, Megumin. Funifura and Dodonko and everyone? They’d always be like, We’re friends, right? and then I would pay for their meals…”
Aww, man. I don’t wanna hear any more.
Basically, it sounded like this girl was the one sane person in a village full of crazies, and it hadn’t made her popular.
What a tragic backstory…
“And how do you plan for us to duel today? Being able to use only Explosion, I would prefer to avoid a magical contest.”
“Good question… Wait, I mean, don’t you think it’s about time you learned some other magic? I’m sure you’ve earned some skill points since we were kids.”
“I have. Every last one of them I have put into raising the potency of my explosions along with high-speed incantations…”
“You nut! Why are you so obsessed with explosions, anyway?”
Yeah! Preach, sister!
“But this is a problem… How are we ever going to duel…?”
“Whatever you like. I am no longer so childish as to be worried about these games,” Megumin said.
Yunyun frowned to hear this detached pronouncement from my jailbait friend.
“Oh, you’re not childish, are you? I recall we once had a contest to see who could grow the fastest. If you’re not a kid anymore, we could do that again…?”
It was a good try, but Megumin wasn’t biting.
“No, that is not what I meant by saying I am not childish. You see, I am so close to Kazuma here that we have already been in the bath together.”
“?!”
“H-hey! What’s wrong with you, spreading that around?!”
“?!!?!?!”
Yunyun had turned bright red and was working her mouth open and shut.
“……I-I’ll give you this one todaaaaay!”
And with that, she ran off crying.
Megumin and I didn’t move for a moment. Then the little Wizard took something out and began to write.
When I leaned in for a better look, she seemed to have some kind of notebook.
She wrote down today’s date and a white circle of approval.
“Another victory.”
“Y-you call this a victory…?”
After the weeping Yunyun had vanished, Megumin and I decided to head back to the house, too.
“Oh, welcome home. Hey, look at these. One of the performers in town said he didn’t need them anymore and gave them to me. I guess he’s going to go back to his home and take over the family farm or something. I didn’t really follow. But it seems to be my lucky day!”
When we got back, Aqua was sitting on the couch in the living room with some juggling rings and an air of self-satisfaction.
Rings she had gotten by shattering a performer’s heart.
I was about to tell her not to ruin people’s lives, but…
“Darkness still isn’t here. I wonder if she’ll be back tonight,” Megumin murmured despondently, watching Aqua juggle the rings.
But no. She wasn’t.
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