Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku o! - Volume 4 - Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

May We Be Saved from This Suspicious Incident! 

1 

You could get food on the first floor of our hotel. 

“It looks like the dangers of this town are really risky,” Aqua said as we ate our classy, healthy, and surprisingly delicious breakfast. 

The dangers are really risky? What does that even mean? She should learn how to use words. 

“You were up all last night crying. What are you on about now? The biggest danger to this town right now is your special power. Don’t use any of the baths except the outdoor one attached to our room, okay?” 

That caused Aqua to smack the table. 

“Listen to me, will you?! I don’t go around purifying hot springs just for fun! I dumped all of Darkness’s expensive bubble soap in the bath at home as an experiment, and even then I cleansed it right away. So of course I would purify a hot spring.” 

“What?! You used all of it?! I brought it back special from the Capital!” 

Aqua ignored Darkness’s pained exclamation and continued. 

“But it’s weird. It took ages to purify the special bath at the Axis Church. And I have superstrong purifying powers. For example…” 

Suddenly she stopped speaking and stuck her finger into the cup of coffee I was about to drink. 

Instantaneously, the black coffee became clear hot water. 

Everyone looked at Aqua. She cocked her head. 

“…See?” 

“‘See’?! You dumbass, go get me a new cup of coffee!” I demanded, setting down my mug, but Aqua just licked the tip of her finger. 

“That’s how it usually goes. If it took that long to purify the bath, it must mean it was really polluted… And don’t you think the quality of the hot springs around here has suddenly gotten worse? Maybe it means the Demon King, unable to defeat my Axis Church in open combat, is trying to steal away the precious wellspring of their faith!” 

““Oh. Wow.”” 

“Please believe meeee!” 

Darkness and Megumin offered a simultaneous non-answer, and Aqua pounded the table. 

Her reaction practically caused question marks to appear over their heads. 

“So some hot springs have gone bad,” Darkness said. “What makes you so sure it’s the work of the Demon King’s army?” 

“I know people try to keep their distance from the Axis Church and often find it generally disagreeable, but who would go to that kind of trouble?” Megumin said. 

It does seem like an awful lot of work… 

Dammit. I guess that meant the guy I’d seen in the bath yesterday really was an agent of the Demon King. He did say something about having messed with the bath in the Axis Church. I was glad that Aqua had accidentally thwarted that plan and all, but… 

What should I do? Should I tell everyone? 

But if I did, I was sure it would blow up into this huge thing. We would have to report it to the Adventurers Guild in this town, and we would have to spend our time helping out, too. 

Our precious vacation would go down the drain, and we’d end up having to deal with yet another of these obnoxious Demon King types. 

Call it intuition, but those two in the bath yesterday seemed really powerful. 

I mean, they had marched right into the heart of the Axis faith to soak in the baths, and they were apparently planning to bring it all down with only the two of them. 

As for me, just the other day I fell out of a tree and died trying to fight the weakest monsters in the area. I didn’t think I was much of a match for them. 

“I’m going to stand up and defend this town! You’ll all help me, right?” Aqua said. 

“Sorry,” I answered, “I’m busy, uh, walking around town and stuff.” 

“I got quite enough firsthand experience of the fearsomeness of Axis disciples yesterday. I don’t need any more today. I shall stick with Kazuma,” Megumin said. 

Neither of us had the slightest interest. 

“What?! Why?! You can go for a walk anytime! And, Megumin, how can you hate my sweet little followers so much? D-Darkness, surely you…” 

“Er…I’m, uh… You know…” 

“Pleeeease!” 

“Okay! I’ll help you! I’ll do it! Just get away from me before you purify my grape juice!” 

Something occurred to me as I watched Darkness cave to the weeping, clinging Aqua. 

“Hey, isn’t Wiz up yet? She seems like a soft touch, especially with you. I’ll bet she’d go along if you asked.” 

“I spent all night crying on her shoulder. By morning, my tears had made her pretty much transparent. So I think I’ll let her rest for now.” 

“Help Wiz before you help the town! It’s your fault she’s done nothing but sleep since we got here!” 

After Megumin and I watched Aqua drag Darkness away, we settled down to deciding what to do for the day. 

For a resort destination, there was surprisingly little to see around here. 

We could certainly just wander around, but that seemed it would invite the flood of “evangelists” again. 

As I stood there thinking, Megumin gave a let’s go tug on my sleeve. 

“If we have no particular place to go, then please accompany me to set off an explosion outside town.” 

“We came all the way here, and that’s what you want to do?” 

Megumin’s daily explosion was practically part of the scenery in Axel, but a sudden blast would probably disturb a tourist trap like this. 

Oh well. If we got far enough away from town, it shouldn’t be a problem. 

So I told Megumin I would go with her for her explosion, and she sipped her juice happily. 

“Good morning… Oh… You’re all up so early…” Wiz appeared, groggy and pale and disheveled as she dragged herself into the room. 

“Morning. You feeling better? I heard Aqua had you vanishing.” 

“Yes… For a moment there, I thought I saw one of my party members from my adventuring days waving to me from across a river… But I’m doing okay now.” 

Sounds like she really had it rough. Wasn’t that what they called a near-death experience? 

Come to think of it, can undead even have near-death experiences? 

“Got anything in mind for today, Wiz? Megumin and I were planning a trip out of town.” 

“I didn’t have any particular plans… So you’re thinking of leaving? The monsters that live around here are pretty strong, you know. If it’s all right, maybe I should come with you.” 

I was so grateful that she’d said that. And I hadn’t even had to ask her. 

“Absolutely! I’ll feel so much safer with a real wizard along.” 

“Hey! Would you mind informing me as to where this fake wizard might be?!” 

2 

Before we headed out of town, we decided to amble around a bit, since we were here and all. 

We had yet to encounter any overzealous Axis types. 

Megumin walked ahead of us in high spirits, Chomusuke on her shoulder. 

I watched her stride along as I asked Wiz beside me, “Hey, Wiz. Earlier, you mentioned a party member from your adventuring days. And it got me wondering… Why did you become a Lich? I know I’m not really one to talk, but I feel like you’re one of the few halfway mature people in Axel. I’m just not sure what would drive a famous adventurer to go against the laws of nature and become a Lich.” 

I knew my question probably came out of nowhere, but I’d been wondering about this for a while. 

I’d met another Lich beside Wiz: Khiel, in that dungeon. He had said he became a Lich when he had no other way to protect the person he loved. 

Wiz thought for a moment, then said, “That’s a good question… It’s a long story, so maybe I could wait to tell it until Lady Aqua is with us, too?” 

She smiled innocently. 

Well, if that was what she wanted… 

I had no idea what her story was, but it was possible that knowing it might soften Aqua’s attitude toward her. 

I agreed we could wait for the self-proclaimed goddess. Wiz smiled. 

“Good. Maybe we could get Mr. Vanir to join us to talk about the old days. He and I had quite a battle once, when I was an adventurer.” 

Now that I want to hear. 

And I’d certainly like to know how she went from an epic battle to friends with that guy. And now that I was thinking about it… 

“Hey, what’s with this ‘old days’ business? How old were you when you became a Lich?” 

“I was twenty.” 

Huh. 

“I see. I guess that is about how old you look. So how long has it been since then? I mean, how old are you now?” 

“Twenty. I haven’t aged since becoming a Lich.” 

“No, but I mean…” 

“I’m always going to be twenty, no matter how many years pass.” 

“A-all right.” 

She didn’t seem to want to pursue the subject, so I decided not to press her. 

You weren’t supposed to ask a woman’s age, anyway. 

Then suddenly Megumin spoke up from ahead of us. “I have been meaning to ask you, Wiz. Are there others in the Demon King’s army beside you who can use Explosion? I mean…any other large-breasted young women?” 

Well, that came out of left field. 

“No, as far as I know, I was the only one in his army who could use explosion magic. But I haven’t been to the castle for a very long time, so it’s possible someone else came in after I left…” 

“I see. That is good to know.” Megumin breathed a sigh of relief. 

Except that wasn’t good at all. 

“Hey, what do you mean ‘large-breasted young women’? Don’t just end the conversation like that. Explain it to me, too.” 

“You are such a… Well, it’s nothing important. One of the reasons I came to Axel was because I had heard there was a female spell-caster there who could use Explosion. I guess that must have been Wiz.” 

“Hmm. And what do the big boobs have to do with it?” 

“You could at least say ‘a woman with big boobs’ or ‘a well-endowed spell-caster.’ Anyway, she’s the person I’m measuring myself by. I hope to meet her one day…” 

“…Measuring yourself by? You mean, like, in terms of bust size?” 

“I shall kill you now.” 

I shoved my hand against Megumin’s forehead to keep her away as she threw herself at me, staff raised. 

“Huh…? I could swear I just saw someone I knew…” 

Wiz was looking toward the most hot-springs-dense part of town. I followed her gaze and saw… 

“Okay, Megumin, Wiz! Let’s zip on out of town, fire off our spells, and see some sights!” 

The vision of him inspired me to hustle the two of them out of there. 

The guy Wiz thought she recognized was the one having a suspicious conversation in the bath the day before. 

Now I was sure: If Wiz knew him, he was unquestionably connected to the Demon King. 

Please, stop already! I’m just a totally normal, totally weak adventurer with no powers or anything! Please, please don’t let me get dragged into anything else dangerous! 

“That is a good idea. We should go sightseeing once I have released all my pent-up explosive energy for today. Wiz will help us stay safe. Let us find a monster and explode it!” 

“Oh, Mr. Kazuma, there’s no need to rush! …Hmm, who was that, anyway?” 

I couldn’t let Wiz and that guy run into each other. I couldn’t say quite why, but I was sure it would be trouble. 

3 

Maybe it was because of the abundance of pure water in this area, but as soon as we got out of Arcanletia, we found a vast forest. 

“Let us go to that forest! I’ll bet there are scads of monsters there! Let’s hunt some of them! Come on, quick!” 

Wiz and I followed after the unusually bloodthirsty Megumin. 

I activated my Sense Foe skill, and what do you know? Sure enough, I detected plenty of monsters in there. 

“Boy, the place really is crawling with them. Actually, it seems like they know we’re here. I wonder why they don’t attack us.” 

I could sense them, but I couldn’t see them. 

“They’re probably cautious because we just came out of Arcanletia,” Wiz said. “Most of the people who come from the city are Axis followers, so… I’ve heard even monsters keep their distance from them.” 

Axis disciples must be the loneliest people in the world. 

“Or…it could be because I’m here. It’s possible they avoid Liches instinctively.” She gave a sad smile as she said that. 

I do have a tendency to forget that Wiz is actually one of the generals of the Demon King’s army, even if a rather lackadaisical one. She might not look like much, but you don’t get a job like that for no reason. 

I also recalled how when Beldia showed up, and then again with Vanir, the weaker monsters near town stayed hidden, keeping clear of our powerful visitors. It was entirely possible they were keeping their heads down, intimidated by Wiz’s power. 

I had been living in Axel for a while at this point, but I had never heard of any monsters actually invading the town. I wondered, a bit surprised, if it had something to do with Wiz living there. 

“Hrm. Well, no choice, then. I will just find a spot over there somewhere to perform my explosion. I so wanted to take out some monsters, and perhaps raise my level to boot…” 

After this obnoxious pronouncement, Megumin began intoning her magic. 

She had a huge amount of magic power in that little body. 

I still couldn’t fathom how someone could be powerful enough to use a spell like that and then waste it in a field someplace. I honestly believed there was a variety of ways to use it that might have benefited society. 

As I mulled over this, Megumin finished her preparations. 

“Explosion!!” 

She really had chosen a random place. A magical blast blossomed, shaking the air and rumbling against the earth. 

Trees were uprooted, the ground heaved, and with a swath of destruction, Megumin left her mark on the forest. 

The woods filled with noise as the sudden tremors sent every bird scrambling out of every tree. 

“Phew! Shall we go back now? I will need a ride, of course.” 

The perpetrator of the massive blast was calmly lying facedown in the dirt. 

She seemed so sure about that piggyback ride. For a moment, I considered leaving her there. 

“You need a ride every time. Can’t you use your magic a little more efficiently? Here, I’ll give you some of my MP, so get up and walk.” 

I used Drain Touch to transfer some of my magic. Maybe I didn’t transfer enough, because Megumin still wobbled noticeably when she stood. 

Then she checked her Adventurer’s Card, and a smile came over her face. 

“Ooh, it seems I caught several unsuspecting kobolds in that blast. They’re listed in the space for monsters I defeated today.” 

…Uh-oh. 

Weren’t we just talking about how my level was the lowest of all of ours right now? And it still was, even though I had gained two levels after our battles with the Lizard Runners and the Dashing Hawkites. Maybe I should use the skill points from those levels to get a decent attacking skill that might help me level up even more. 

I was still ruminating on the possibilities when: 

“…Hmm? Something’s coming this way. And fast, to judge by Sense Foe.” 

“Oh? Perhaps it was drawn by the sound of my explosion.” 

Whatever it was, it was approaching from the depths of the forest. Even with my Second Sight skill, I could see only a dark shape. 

Wait… 

I knew that shape. 

This was a monster that coexisted with weaker creatures like goblins or kobolds. It basically looked like a saber-toothed tiger covered in black fur. 

“Haaaarrrrr!” 

It was the natural enemy of the novice adventurer: the Beginner’s Bane. 

“Wiz! Wiz! You gotta do something!” 

“Snipe it, Kazuma, snipe it!” Megumin cried. “There is still enough distance—you can stop it!” 

“I left my bow with the rest of my equipment back at the hotel!” 

“If I ever said you were reliable, I take it back! If that is your attitude, you will be lucky to be half my level!” 

“Moron! Who got that thing’s attention in the first place?! Maybe I oughta just Drain my magic right back and leave you here!” 

“Calm down, both of you! I’ll handle this somehow. You both just keep back.” Wiz stepped forward as if to protect us both. 

I decided to do what little I could, using Create Earth to make some sand I could throw in the creature’s face. 

Megumin stood close behind me. 

Wiz showed no sign of using magic, despite the onrushing Beginner’s Bane. 

“Hey—hey, Wiz? Wiz?” 

“Oh no!” 

Before our eyes, the Beginner’s Bane jumped on Wiz. 

The monster was as big as a cow; it easily pinned her to the ground. 

As Megumin shouted behind me, I raised my hand and prepared to use wind magic to blow dust into the thing’s eyes… 

““Huh…?”” 

The enemy on top of Wiz was suddenly sound asleep. 

She crawled out from under it. I would have expected her to at least be scratched up from when the monster first attacked her, but there was no sign of injury. 

“Now I remember,” Megumin said. “Liches only take physical damage from magical weapons. And they have the ability to inflict a variety of status conditions on their opponents beyond their basic ability to drain HP and MP. Poison, paralysis, sleep, and curse. Wiz didn’t even need magic to deal with this enemy.” 

Wow. Liches are really something. 

Aqua might be able to make her translucent, and Vanir might be able to fry her—but those things seemed so irrelevant now. 

“Phew… Well, shall we head back?” Wiz brushed the dust off her clothes and smiled. 

4 

When we got back to town, there was a huge crowd right in the middle of the leisure district. 

“What’s going on? Is there an event or something?” 

“I wonder. Given this is a tourist town, perhaps they have some performers or something to entertain visitors.” 

Megumin and I, our interest piqued, made our way over. 

“…Oh, that’s Lady Aqua. What’s she doing there?” 

Aqua stood smack in the middle of the crowd. 

What was she up to? She stood on a wooden box, holding something that looked like a megaphone. Next to her, Darkness was bright red and trembling from embarrassment. 

I recognized the object in Aqua’s hand as an item enchanted with wind magic, but what was she doing with it? 

As if to answer my question, Aqua began shouting. 

“My beloved Axis followers! The Demon King is working to destroy this city even as we speak!” 

Darkness hung her head in embarrassment. 

“How, you ask? He has poisoned the city’s hot springs! I have confirmed that many baths have already been affected!” 

Had she spent the entire morning just going to hot springs? 

“What are you talking about? I was just in one of the hot springs, and I’m fine,” an onlooker said. 

Aqua nodded assiduously and replied, “That’s because I’ve been around to each one and purified it. All the baths in this area are safe. But this isn’t over yet! That’s why I have a request for all of you. Please do not go in the baths until this incident is resolved!” 

That set the crowd muttering. 

Aqua poked Darkness, standing next to her. 

On the verge of tears, the Crusader twitched as if she was about to say something, but then she kept quiet. 

An old guy pulling his vendor’s cart along commented, “Miss Priest, this is a hot-springs town. And it’ll be a ghost town if you tell everyone not to go in the baths.” 

“He’s right. Why would the Demon King poison our bathwater, anyway?” 

The people began whispering among themselves. 

“It’s—! Because he wants to get rid of this city’s tourism industry, so the Axis Church won’t get any more money! That’s right! The Demon King is afraid of you Axis believers! I promise this is not just something I’m making up because I’m bitter about being the only one who can’t go in the baths! Now, honorable Axis followers—!” 

Then… 

“There you are! Hey, you! What did you do to the hot spring at my hotel?! It’s turned into regular hot water!” 

From beyond the crowd, a man stood glaring at Aqua. Probably the owner of one of the hot springs. Along with him were several other guys with alarming expressions. 

“You were right—she is here! Grab her, everyone! She’s been playing an awful trick at all the hot springs—she turns them into plain water!” 

“Yeah, maybe she’s the one the Demon King sent to try to destroy our town!” 

Sigh. 

How did she expect to help the city if she went around sabotaging all the hot springs? 

“N-n-no, I’m not! There’s a reason for this! Please, listen to me! Those baths I purified, there was poison in them! I admit, I might’ve gotten rid of the special minerals along with the poison—but it was all to help you…!” 

“If that’s true, you could have at least said something to us! Anyway, there’s no way you could purify so many baths! Word is, you waited until there was no one there before you got in the hot springs. Then you snuck in and changed our bathwater for regular water!” 

“N-n-n-no, I didn’t! If anyone had seen me doing my purification, they might have realized who I really am! And then there’d be an awful commotion—!” 

This was not good. She was going to say something she shouldn’t at this rate. 

“Hey, Megumin, Wiz! Let’s get out of here before those two notice us! Just pretend we have nothing to do with this!” 

“What?! Are you simply going to let this continue? I think you are the only one with any chance of helping—say something to them!” 

“Lady Aqua looks ready to cry! Mr. Kazuma, if this keeps up—!” 

As they spoke, I looked over at Aqua. 

One of the hotel owners began shouting. “I’d say there’s already a commotion! And it’s already awful! So who are you, really? Maybe an agent of the Demon King?!” 

“Huh?! N-no! Come on, Darkness, don’t just sit there—say something! Just like we discussed! You say, ‘O Axis Church! Axis Church, please help us!’ Don’t be shy—say it!” 

“A-Axis Church, p-please…,” she whispered, red-faced in front of the massive crowd of onlookers. 

I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. 

“Argh, fine! I’ll reveal my true identity here and now, then! O honorable Axis disciples! My name is Aqua! Yes—Aqua, goddess of water, the very deity you revere! My sweet believers, I myself have come to rescue you!” she announced from the top of her box. 

The crowd, which had been simply watching until that point, went dead silent. 

“…Okay. Time to go. Quick, Megumin.” 

“…This will not do. I thought perhaps this situation could be resolved until a moment ago, but I was wrong. Let us get out of here!” 

“W-wait! Mr. Kazuma? Miss Megumin? What about Lady Aqua and Miss Darkness…?” 

As Megumin and I started sneaking away, a wave of taunts rose from the crowd. 

“Pshaw! What a scoundrel!” 

“Sure, she has blue hair and blue eyes—but the gods still won’t be happy that she’s pretending to be Our Lady Aqua.” 

“Throw her in the lake! If she’s really the goddess of water, she won’t mind!” 

“Waaaah! Stop! It’s true! I really am a goddess!” 

“Oh! R-rocks…! St-stop throwi—! Aqua, get behind me…!” 

““………”” 

“Hey, where are you two going…?” Wiz asked. “Lady Aqua is…!” 

As the crowd began to stone Aqua and Darkness, Megumin and I made our escape. 

We took the long way around to get back to our hotel. By the time we arrived, Aqua was already there. 

“Waaaaaaahhh!!” 

Apparently, she had been crying the entire time. Had she even stopped crying since she arrived? 

“L-Lady Aqua, here’s some warm milk. Have a sip and t-try to calm down a little…” 

Wiz was trying to comfort the weeping Aqua in the middle of the big room where the girls were staying. 

Nearby, Darkness was contentedly sipping some black tea, somehow looking refreshed despite all the scratches and cuts covering her. 

They had been stoned and ridiculed—one more reason for our pervert to love this town. 

Maybe we should just leave her here. 

“It’s too muuuuch! I’m trying so hard to help everybody! How could my own followers throw rocks at me?! Waaaaah!” 

“Lady Aqua, p-please calm down! Your holy power gets stronger when you’re agitated, and I might start to disappear…!” 

A frantic Wiz was trying to offer some hot milk to Aqua. She glanced at it and sniffled. 

“…I want wine.” 

“You aren’t actually that upset, are you?” 

Aqua looked up at me, her face a little clearer now that Wiz had shuffled downstairs to get some alcohol. 

“That doesn’t matter. There is definitely a plan afoot to destroy this town. Several of the hot springs I visited were very polluted. If any guests had gotten in those, they would have gotten sick or worse.” 

“Aqua,” Darkness said, “I trust your skills as a priest if nothing else, and if you’re so insistent about this, I’m sure it’s true. But if you can’t even say who did it, what’s the use?” 

“She is right,” Megumin said. “Why not just report it to the Adventurers Guild or the manager of the hot springs and let them handle it?” 

At that, Aqua ground her teeth in frustration. This involved the Axis Church, and she probably wanted to handle it herself. 

I knew how she felt about her followers, but given how they had just treated her, why bother saving them? 

“Oooh… But if this goes on, my sweet little followers will…!” 

Aqua clung to one end of the table, teary-eyed. 

Sigh. I guess I’ve got no choice… 

“Tomorrow, I’ll help you out. But we have to avoid anything that might turn into an actual battle, okay? Once we find the perp, we leave the rest to the Adventurers Guild. Got that?” 

She was positively ecstatic. 

5 

“All right, I’ll just stay here. The rest of you, be safe!” 

The next morning… 

Wiz said good-bye to us as we left for the city’s Adventurers Guild. 

We were leaving her at the hotel as a point of contact. 

Our plan was to split up to gather information and let one another know if we found anything. That meant we would need some way to get in touch. So with Wiz at the hotel, the four of us made for the hot springs. 

“I don’t know,” I said. “I wonder what we’re going to do about this criminal. Even if we do spot someone suspicious, we can hardly have him arrested unless we actually catch him poisoning a bath or something.” 

Not that I didn’t have a good guess as to who was behind it. 

It had to be that tan brown-haired man who was at our hotel. 

Since our chance encounter earlier, I had seen neither hide nor hair of either the woman or the man anywhere. 

The woman had said she couldn’t relax in the baths here anymore, so maybe she’d skipped town. Which possibly meant the man was acting on his own now… 

“Heh-heh-heh! Just leave it to me. As a matter of fact, I’ve already put a plan in motion to catch the criminal! How’s this? Our target has to enter the baths several times a day, right? After all, the best way to poison a bath would be to go in as a regular customer.” 

Wow, Aqua was actually using her head for once. She puffed out her chest as she spoke. 

“So I went around with a survey, asking the owners of a number of hot springs to recall what kind of customers had come by.” 

“Gosh, you’ve really gone above and beyond this time…” 

Maybe this was really how much she cared about her followers. I wished she would exert this sort of effort all the time. 

“I see. Not even tourists and aficionados would visit that many hot springs in a single day. This will allow us to narrow it down to the people who were seen at the most baths.” Megumin, as usual, caught right on. 

“And if somebody on that list left a lot of trouble behind him, that would be our guy.” Darkness, too, sounded suitably impressed. 

“Exactly! Now I just need to go to the places where I dropped off the survey and collect the results!” 

Seriously. I wish she were like this every day. 

I think all of us were surprised to see Aqua functioning so well. 

We split up, each going to different hotels to find out the results of Aqua’s questionnaire. Then we met up again in a public park and spread the sheets out on a bench to compare them. 

“Okay, the results are in!” Aqua said. “The person seen at the most hot springs was…” 

A woman with light-blue hair and eyes, wearing a light-purple feather mantle. 

“So you were the culprit all along,” I quipped. 

“Was not! Just hold on. Yes, I went to a lot of hot springs, but that was to purify them! Look at the responses from the hotels where there were problems. They must mention who the last person was to go in before the trouble started—that person is the most suspicious!” 

As Aqua instructed, we checked the surveys from the affected hotels to find the last visitor to each one. 

A woman with light-blue hair and eyes kept turning the hot springs into regular hot water as a prank… 

“…That’s you again.” 

“I don’t get it! Why is this happening?! This didn’t help at all!” 

“Wait, hold on a moment.” Megumin stopped the sniffling Aqua, who was on the verge of shredding the questionnaires. She picked up the papers with an unusually serious look. 

“See this? ‘A man with short brown hair and tan skin.’ After Aqua, he was the most frequently sighted person. Are men usually this interested in bathing?” 

Huh. Well, I guess the Crimson Magic Clan was renowned for its intelligence, if nothing else. 

“So I guess he’s our man,” I said, taking the questionnaires from Megumin and trying to affect nonchalance. “Muscular, tall…” 

“…Hey, hang on a second,” Aqua said. “Why do you guess that? How would you know? Kazuma… Could it be? Even though you’re always acting mad at me, you were actually so worried that you were quietly investigating to make sure I was all right? Really? Don’t tell me you’re one of those hot-cold types?!” 

Her eyes were sparkling, and she seemed genuinely keen to hear the answer. 

“Nah. I happened to overhear him in the bath the day we got here. ‘Now that awful sect is done for. Our plot to destroy their precious bath is done. Right now, everything is going to plan at the other places, too. If all goes well, we need only wait. We’re long-lived—what’s ten or twenty years to us?’ You know, something like that. Just… Yikes! Grrgh! What are you doing?!” 

Aqua was suddenly strangling me. 

“That’s important! Why didn’t you say something sooner?! If you had told me about that right away, I could have skipped all this work!” 

“Hey, stoppit already! We came here to relax, didn’t we? Why does every single thing we do have to end up with us risking our lives?! It was obviously going to turn into a huge pain in the neck, and I didn’t want to go out of my way to get dragged into it!” 

“Listen to you! Have you no pride as an adventurer?! This is obviously an evil plot by the Demon King, isn’t it?!” 

“You trash! Aqua, I’ll hold him down—you punch!” Darkness hollered. 

“H-hey, stop! Stoppit! You really wanna go? Don’t underestimate me…!” 

6 

“Erg… Awful… To think the tables could’ve been turned so thoroughly,” Megumin said from where she rode on my back. I had stolen all her MP with my Drain Touch, and she sounded at once exhausted and envious. 

“What a good-for-nothing guy…” Darkness sounded equally tired, her face covered in mud courtesy of Create Earth and Create Water. 

Aqua, her hair frozen in places, stood in front of us and held out a sheet of paper. 

We had finally arrived at the Adventurers Guild. Based on her questionnaire and my report, Aqua had drawn a photorealistic portrait of our target. We had come here to ask for help catching the guy, but… 

“I understand, but, ma’am, the only evidence you have is something you claim to have overheard by chance. That’s not much to arrest someone on. It might be one thing if you were adventurers of long standing in this town, but we barely know who you are. We can hardly just take your word on it. You’ll have to bring some more convincing proof…” 

The receptionist at the Guild was not buying our story. 

No surprises there, given a bunch of strangers just appeared all of a sudden and said, “Arrest this guy.” 

Aqua, however, leaned in close to the Guild employee. 

“Hey! If you live in this town, that means you’re an Axis disciple, right? I want you to look closely at my face. Does it look familiar from anywhere?” 

“…? I’m not actually part of the Axis Church, but now that you mention it, I do feel like I’ve… Oh! In the amusement district! You were the backup dancer at that one shop, right?” 

“What?! No! As if I’d ever work at a nasty place like that—as the backup, no less!” 

I couldn’t quite follow Aqua’s train of thought, but something suddenly occurred to me. 

Our self-proclaimed goddess couldn’t get herself recognized in a town that was supposed to be packed with her own followers. But we had someone even more famous with us. 

“Hey, Megumin, play along with me for a moment.” 

“Play along? What do you mean?” 

As I spoke, I transferred enough MP to Megumin that she could stand on her own. She slid off my back with a perplexed expression, and I gave Darkness a little push forward. 

“Do you know who stands before you?” I asked. “This is the honored daughter of ‘the kingdom’s confidant,’ the great Dustiness family! Her Ladyship Lalatina Ford Dustiness! Hardly some mere unknown adventurer!” 

““What?!”” 

Darkness seemed every bit as surprised as the receptionist. 

Megumin figured out immediately what was going on and stood tall next to Darkness. 

“Now, Young Lady. Show this hardheaded employee the proof of your status!” 

“Huh?! Megumin, you too?! Ergh… I’m not so sure about bringing my family’s reputation into this…” 

Darkness didn’t really want to make use of her rights as a noble, cringing as she pulled out her pendant. 

It was the same one she had brought out during my trial. And it had the same effect any famous character has when they suddenly reveal their true identity. 

“Th-that pendant! I-I-I’m very sorry! I’ll have this man arrested immediately!” 

The necklace had an instantaneous, almost theatrical effect as the receptionist hurriedly snatched the picture from Aqua. 

“Way to go, Darkness! That’s how to throw your noble weight around!” 

“A-Aqua! Keep your voice down when you say things like that!” 

“A-all right! In accordance with your honorable instructions, we’ve taken careful note of this man. If anything develops, we’ll contact you at your hotel.” 

“Th-thanks. Let us know how it goes.” 

The employee bowed to us repeatedly as we left the Guild. Darkness shrank apologetically. 

From behind her, I called, “Oh, by the way. I hope the Dustiness family can pick up the tab on our expenses here.” 

“?!” 

7 

We had finished all the necessary paperwork and were heading back to our hotel. 

“You stinking—! You obnoxious—!” 

Darkness was still angry. 

“Aww, what now? I’m sorry, already! Fine, if it’ll make you feel better, we’ll have Aqua pay all the fees for the paperwork.” 

“What?! Why me?” 

“That’s not the issue! You can’t just go throwing around my family’s name whenever you want…!” 

“Hey, Aqua. Darkness’s family has enough trouble raising a prodigal daughter. Throw them a bone. Think of it as the fee for saving your church.” 

“Aww… Fine. I get it. I know how rough Darkness’s family has it. I’ll pay.” 

“Grraaaahhh…!!” 

“Yikes! Wh-what the hell? Stop it!” 

I dodged Darkness’s sudden attack and then took up a stance from which I might be able to reciprocate. 

“Gosh, what are you two making such a fuss about? People are watching, you know,” said Megumin. “And, Darkness, I suppose you are a noblewoman, as far as it goes. Show a little restraint…” 

“‘As far as it goes,’ my foot! I am a noblewoman. Sheesh…!” 

She seemed totally exhausted for some reason, and I threw a few empty punches in her direction. “You remember how you were, like, no help at all with Destroyer? Well, here’s your chance to protect some citizens like a good noble should.” 

“Whatever! You’ve done nothing but make fun of me this whole time!” 

“Oops, what a lackluster attack! You couldn’t hit me if I were standing still!” 

“Hit you? I’ll kill you!” 

“Again I say, calm down! People are looking at us!” Thus it was Megumin who finally talked Darkness down from her fury over my taunts. 

“Geez. You’d think knowing I was nobility might change your attitude toward me a little bit, but noooo…” Her annoyance was plain. But under her breath, she added, “People tell you they don’t care, but everyone’s a little wary around you when they find out…” 

She sounded almost glad that we didn’t treat her differently now that we knew. 

“Noble or not, you are still Darkness. Why should our attitudes change? And anyway, the Crimson Magic Clan pays no heed to station. We will speak our mind to any noble or king.” 

“Megumin…” 

“In my country, people complained about politicians all the time. And personally, I don’t care about social status or even gender. So I’d sure never feel obligated to fawn over a noble who’s barely making ends meet like you.” 

“K-Kazuma, you too? …Wait a second, what was that about barely making ends meet?” She snatched me by the collar with a glower. 

I ignored her, instead looking to the last member of our party. “Come on, Aqua. Say your part. Tell her you’ll never let status come between us or whatever… Hey, what’s that you’re making…?” 

I trailed off as I saw Aqua deftly creating something as we walked along. 

Was that clay she was holding? Where had she been keeping it? 

Wherever it had come from, she was completely absorbed in making a sculpture from it. 

“This? …Oh, I’m just copying Darkness’s pendant from earlier. Here, look. Can’t tell the difference, can you? With this, we can pretend to be members of Darkness’s family and get anything we want… Oh noooo!” 

Darkness seized the lump of clay and flung it away. 

“Welcome back! How did it go?” 

Having returned to the hotel, we filled Wiz in on the details. 

We’d given the information on our suspect to the Guild and then made sure every bathhouse in town got a copy of it, so there was nothing else we could do. 

The guy would probably be careful about going to any of the hot springs, and we couldn’t very well just hang around town. In the end, we decided to do what we had come here for in the first place: enjoy the baths. 

“It was an awful lot of work. But I’m glad we were able to stop the Demon King’s plans before anything happened… Hey, Darkness. You’re a sheltered noble, so you probably don’t know this, but among the common folk, when guys and girls go on a trip, it’s tradition for them to bathe together at least once. We’re leaving tomorrow, so we’d better hurry up and keep the custom.” 

“?! I-I’ve never heard of a practice like that!” 

“Like I said, it’s something the lower classes do. You nobles wouldn’t know about it. If you really want to bridge the gap between our status and yours, now’s the perfect chance.” 

“Is—is that a real custom…?” 

“No, it is not,” Megumin interjected. 

Just as I was dodging an attack from a red-faced Darkness, we heard an urgent knock. 

“Yes, who is it?” 

Aqua opened the door to find the employee from the Adventurers Guild clearly out of breath, presumably from running here. 

“Wh-what’s going on?” I asked with rising unease. 

“It’s terrible! The hot springs…! Every hot spring in town is suddenly welling up with poisoned water…!”