Chapter 1
May There Be Resolution Because of This Grave Letter!
1
—I want to bear your children.
I froze, tea dribbling from my lips. Yunyun sounded so passionate.
She stood trembling in front of me, her face red and her fists clenched. It looked like I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t move. Everyone else stood with their mouths hanging open, too. How could they not after such a declaration?
“Hey, Megumin, could I make a different move? If you let me take it back, I’ll give you this weird-shaped rock I found in the bath at Arcanletia…”
No, I take it back. One person was ignoring our conversation, completely out of touch. Across from the stiffened Megumin, Aqua was holding one of her pieces and fretting.
I collected myself and wiped the tea from my mouth. In her astonishment, Darkness had let her cup tilt too far, spilling tea all over the rug.
I put my own drink on the table, straightened my collar, and turned to Yunyun.
“…What did you just say?” I asked.
Burning red, she replied, “I—I said I want to bear your children!”
Guess I didn’t mishear.
“…Personally, I want a girl first,” I said.
“N-no! A boy! It has to be a boy first!” she said.
Gosh, and here I thought Yunyun seemed like the quiet, submissive type. I guess she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind after all. But there were some things even I couldn’t bend on. A man wants to hear his daughter call him “Dad”…!
Megumin seemed to come to, because she suddenly stood up. “Now wait just a minute! Who cares whether it’s a girl or a boy?! How are we even talking about that already? Yunyun! What in the world has gotten into you? Do you even know what you’re saying?!”
“Sh-she’s right! Yunyun, was it? Listen to Megumin! I don’t know what happened between you and Kazuma, but don’t let him mislead you! Do you know what kind of man he is?!”
There went Darkness, impugning my reputation.
“Huh? Hang on a second! Yes, that’s it! If I take this Crusader I thought I didn’t need and move her here…!”
Aqua was still completely oblivious to the commotion, off in her own little world with her game pieces. Her opponent, Megumin, was busy shaking Yunyun by the shoulders.
“Please, recover your sanity! Then again, I know how you sometimes charge ahead, blind to what’s around you! I beg you to tell us what is going on—slowly and clearly!”
Yunyun, on the verge of tears under Megumin’s shaking, yelped, “W-well! Well! Y-you know! If Kazuma and I don’t have a child, the whole world will—! The Demon King will—!”
“I see,” I said, “this is about the world, is it? Never fear. Say no more. Leave the world and the Demon King to me. Yunyun and I just have to have a child, and that will somehow take care of the Demon King and save the world—is that right? Well, far be it from me to deny the pleas of the distraught.”
“Why, you impossible—! I recall you fighting us tooth and nail when we wanted to go on a quest the other day!”
“Indeed! Why would you choose now of all times to start having a heart? In fact, perhaps you should have some doubts about such an out-of-the-blue plot development!”
“Keep it to yourselves,” I told the two interlopers. “What’s with you guys, anyway? This is between Yunyun and me, and we don’t need any kibitzers. I’m finally getting popular with the ladies—so butt the hell out!”
“Look who’s talking! I mean—I am not a kibitzer! My friend is getting involved with some weird guy. How can I not say something?”
Megumin was having none of it, so I returned fire.
“I’ve spent every minute in this world surrounded by gorgeous younger women and gorgeous older women, and nothing has happened! How’s that for weird? Aren’t we heroes who’ve conquered general after general of the Demon King? Solved every problem we’ve come up against? The girls should be lining up for me by now! Adventurers should be begging for my autograph! Hey, Darkness! If you’re really nobility, how about you get me an award or something for all my great deeds?”
“H-hey! Don’t say that! It doesn’t count if you’re the one calling your deeds great!”
Yunyun, watching our argument heat up, finally panicked and jumped in. “E-everyone, please calm down! I’m sorry! I started this—please, just take it easy.”
“I heard it was normal around here for people to get married between the ages of sixteen and twenty! And that you can get married as young as fourteen or something! Megumin, if Yunyun was a classmate of yours, she must be fourteen already, right? Then there’s no problem! Perfect, it’s perfect! Oh, the joy of not running afoul of the law! Oh, the freedom from accusations of liking one too young! I think I might actually be starting to like this world! Or what? Did you guys want me? Do you feel the flames of jealousy burning now that Yunyun and I are an item? Then come out and say it, you stupid passive-aggressive—!”
“Why, you—! Darkness! Let’s get him! I want to wring his scrawny little neck!”
“You got it! Let’s teach him to keep his mouth shut, permanently!”
“Oh, you wanna go, huh? Don’t forget, I’ve got Drain Touch. So wherever I touch you, it’s legitimate self-defense! Not sexual harassment!”
I waved my hand threateningly at them, and Megumin raised her eyebrow. And just as it looked like she was about to attack—there was a tug on her cape.
“Come on, Megumin, it’s your turn. Look at this—I’m super-proud of this move. Come on, get over here!”
“Explosion!”
“Eeeyikes!”
Before Aqua could give her cape another tug, Megumin shouted “Explosion!” and flipped over the game board without even looking.
“Aww… We really need to ban the Explosion Rule,” Aqua said, picking up the pieces now littering the carpet. Megumin ignored her, instead jabbing her staff in my direction.
“I strive every day to become the strongest of all wizards. Whereas you, Kazuma, have miserable stats. Even without using magic, I shall defeat you easily!”
“All right, now I’m feeling it. You know the best thing about me? Despite those crummy stats, I’ve still managed to defeat a whole list of powerful bad guys. I don’t plan on breaking that streak for one Explosion-obsessed moron . And that muscle-headed Crusader over there? As if.”
“Muscle-headed Crusader?!”
It looked like war was about to break out when Yunyun, teary-eyed, exclaimed:
“Megumin, listen to me! Crimson Magic Village—our home—is going to be destroyed! ”
2
“It’s not much, but have this tea.”
“Th-thank you very much.” Seated on the sofa as she accepted the cup from Aqua, Yunyun finally seemed to have calmed down a little.
“Now, what is this all about?” Megumin asked. “I am not pleased to hear our village is going to be destroyed. Could you kindly explain?”
Numbly, Yunyun passed her an envelope. Megumin pulled out a two-page letter and began to read.
“A letter from your father, Yunyun? The clan chief? ‘ By the time this letter reaches you, I will be dead ’?” Megumin’s expression darkened little by little as she ran her eyes over the message. Its contents were enough to upset anyone. The Demon King’s army had set up shop right near Crimson Magic Village, with the general and plenty of subordinates in tow. And apparently, it wasn’t just any general, but one who could withstand magic. And at that moment, the village had no hope of eliminating the army’s base…
The letter explained that, for the honor of Crimson Magic Village, the clan’s leader would go out and do battle with the Demon King’s general. And…
“‘ I leave you my place as chief of our clan. You are the last of the Crimson Magic Clan in this world. Do not let it die out… ’ Just a moment!” Megumin said, thoroughly annoyed. “I can assure you there is at least one other surviving member of the Crimson Magic Clan!”
“Never mind that!” Yunyun said. “Keep reading! There’s another page.”
“‘ On the day the village fortune-teller predicted the town’s destruction by the army of the Demon King, she also glimpsed a ray of hope. She foresaw that Yunyun, the lone survivor of the Crimson Magic Clan… ’ Once again, why are you the lone survivor of our clan? What do they think has happened to me?!”
“Shut up and keep reading,” I snapped.
“‘…Yunyun, the lone survivor of the Crimson Magic Clan, would set off to train in hopes of defeating the Demon King. In a starter town, she would meet a certain man. Irresponsible and totally powerless though this man was, he would become her partner in life.’”
Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin were all staring at me.
“Hey, what’s everyone looking at me for? What, you think I’m this irresponsible, totally powerless guy? Yunyun, don’t tell me you came here because of that?”
Yunyun glanced away.
“Okay, I’ll keep reading now. ‘ …And time would pass. The child born of the survivor of the Crimson Magic Clan and the man she met would grow into a young man. He would follow in the footsteps of his adventurer father, setting out on a journey. But he would not know—he himself would be the one to bring low his clan’s age-old enemy, the Demon King… ’”
“““?!”””
I wasn’t the only one who caught my breath at that. Aqua and Darkness gulped, too.
“M-my kid is gonna…?”
“W-wait just a second! This is completely out of left field! Come on, Kazuma, you’re way too much of a skeptic to buy into something like fortune-telling, right?”
“This is real trouble! This is real trouble for me !”
While I stood there agape at the vastness of the destiny that had been entrusted to me, Darkness and Aqua seemed upset about something.
Hold on. They can’t actually be jealous, can they? Wh-what, seriously?
Aqua was putting the bitter in this bittersweet moment.
“I don’t have that kind of time! I need to defeat the Demon King now ! Wait until Kazuma’s kid grows up?! How long will that take? When can you call someone a young man, anyway? Not until he’s, like, three years old, right? Please, let’s just pretend this little prophecy never happened!”
Or maybe it was just all bitter now.
Anyway, did she want to send a baby to defeat the Demon King?
“We have a very talented fortune-teller in our village! So this prophecy…”
“You’re right. Leave it to me. I’ll do what I have to do to save the world.”
“Y-you impossible man!” Darkness shouted. “Is this really what you want?! In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never been able to make a snap decision—why today?!”
She had me by the collar and was bringing her face way too close to mine when Megumin suddenly remarked, “There is one more line to this letter. It says, ‘ Chronicle of the Hero of the Crimson Magic Clan, Chapter One—by Arue .’”
“““?!”””
Darkness, Yunyun, and I all stopped and looked at her. Aqua peeked at the letter.
“Let me see that. Oh, hey, the handwriting is different from the first page. That must be a letter from Yunyun’s dad. This page has a postscript. It says, ‘ P.S. Postage is expensive, so the chief let me use the same envelope as him. I’ll send you chapter two when it’s ready. ’”
“Aaaaaaaaahhhhh!!” Yunyun snatched the letter and threw it away. “Waaaaah! I can’t believe this! Stupid, stupid Arueeeeee!”
Yunyun was throwing a tantrum on the floor, and I was completely lost. “Hey, someone explain what’s going on here! Who or what is Arue, and what happened to my kid? What’s the plan? You wanna do it right here, or should we go to my room?”
“Yes, you should go to your room,” Megumin said, “and go to sleep. Arue is a classmate of ours. She fancies herself a writer or something. She’s…a bit strange.”
Darkness looked immensely relieved. “Phew, so it was just a story? …Hmm? Hang on—what was that first page about, then?”
“I suppose it is probably true. The Demon King has wanted revenge against the Crimson Magic Clan since long ago, so it seemed likely he would show up one of these days. He must have finally decided to make a serious attempt against our village.”
“Hey, what about the man over here? You got me all fired up and now—nothing? Yunyun! Yunyun and I were about to begin our torrid, bittersweet love affair…”
“No you weren’t,” Darkness said. “Seriously, you’re in the way. Go hang out with Aqua or something. And Megumin, how can you be so calm? Aren’t you worried about your family and your classmates? Your hometown is in a crisis!”
This caused Yunyun to look up from her weeping. “R-right!” she said. “This is no time for tears. Megumin, what are we going to do?! I think the village really is under attack. How can we help?!”
Megumin looked at the two girls. “We are the Crimson Magic Clan, which even the Demon King fears. I don’t believe our people will be so easily subdued. And we have you with us, Yunyun—the chief’s daughter. No matter what happens to the village, that means the clan will not die out. So think of it this way. The people of the village will forever be in our hearts—”
“You rat, Megumin! How can you be so detached all the time?!” Yunyun turned to me with tears in her eyes, her face flushed. “L-look, I… I’m sorry about that weird stuff I said. I mean, you’re the only guy I know, and…”
“Y-yeah, sure. It’s fine. The important thing is what we do next. Your home’s in trouble, right?”
Yunyun wiped away her tears. “Yes. I plan to go back to Crimson Magic Village. After all, my…f-f… My f-f-friends…are…there…”
She could barely get the word friends out of her mouth. Maybe it wasn’t the right one.
“Anyway, I’m sorry for the trouble, everyone. And Megumin, I’ll…see you later, I guess.”
And then she walked out the door, shoulders slumped. We watched her leave.
“…Kazuma, are you really just going to let her leave like that?” Darkness asked. “You were so hot and bothered and obsessed with showing off that I was sure you would say you’d go with her or something.”
“They’re under attack by the Demon King. If I went with her, I’d only get in the way. Plus, it’s dangerous and scary, and we just got back from a trip, and it sounds like a pain to go on another one. But…I guess if Megumin is really worried about her, I’ll have to try to help.”
“Th-this from the man who normally cannot say enough about all the generals of the Demon King’s army he’s defeated! Anyway, why should I be worried about Yunyun? She is my rival, remember? Practically my enemy.”
Megumin pointedly kept her back turned to us. Darkness and I smirked at her. We started whispering.
“Hey, for someone who hates her enemy so much, doesn’t she seem pretty fidgety?”
“Quiet, Kazuma, Megumin knows herself. Maybe you should try to convince her…”
We finally earned a glare from Megumin.
“Hey, Aqua,” I said, turning to her, “why don’t you say…something…?”
“Zzzzzzzz…”
Aqua was on the couch, fast asleep.
I guess maybe all of this was too hard for her to follow.
…Eventually, Megumin went up to her bedroom, still sulking. Left in the living room, Darkness turned to me.
“Seriously though, Kazuma, are we just going to leave her? This girl Yunyun, isn’t she Megumin’s friend? I’ve heard she’s strong, but…”
“Don’t worry about it. She’s a legitimate Crimson Magic Clan member. She can use advanced magic and everything. To be honest, she’s probably safer by herself than with us bumbling along with her. Remember, our party includes an undead magnet, among other things.” I shot a glance at Aqua, who was curled up on the couch with a trail of drool coming from her mouth.
Anyway, Megumin might be acting stubborn now, but it was only a matter of time…
—That night.
I had finished dinner and was lounging in my room when a hesitant knock came at my door.
“Come in!”
The person who entered in response to my invitation was, of course…
“…Kazuma. I would like to talk to you. Do you have a moment?”
Megumin stood there in her pajamas, working her mouth like she wanted to say something.
“Awfully late for a chat. You sure you didn’t get all fired up fighting about Yunyun and come here to make up…physically?”
“I-I’ll clock you for that! Ever since I turned fourteen, the sexual harassment has been nonstop with you!”
Megumin was red and sputtering. I sat cross-legged on my bed, waiting. I mean, I had a pretty good idea of what she was going to say…
Megumin cleared her throat. “I— Ahem. I couldn’t care less about Yunyun. But in fact, I have a younger sister…”
I didn’t say anything.
“And so, while I really do not care even a little bit about Yunyun, I am very concerned about my sis— What are you smirking at?!”
Megumin’s bald-faced attempt to pretend she didn’t care about her friend had brought the thinnest of smiles to my face.
3
The next morning, I was showing everyone a map of the area around Crimson Magic Village that I’d gotten at the Adventurers Guild.
“So that’s the story. This hot-cold type said she wants to go home, so I’m thinking about a little excursion to the Crimson Magic Clan’s town.”
“Who are you calling hot-cold?! I told you, my sister…!”
I put a hand on Megumin’s forehead to hold her at bay and kept talking.
“Word is that the village is currently engaged with the Demon King’s forces. So here’s the plan: we scope out the place from a distance, and if it looks as dangerous as the letter said, we go straight home. If we run into anything that even looks like the Demon King’s army on the way there, we go straight home. Also, we do everything possible to avoid any battles with monsters. Sound good?”
“Another one of your delightfully pessimistic plans, Kazuma!” Aqua said. “Well, fine. We may have just gotten back from a different trip, but I’m willing to go save Megumin’s hometown!” She clenched her fist in anticipation. Our recent string of victories over officers of the Demon King seemed to have given her an uncharacteristic confidence.
“Crimson Magic Village? That place is a paradise just bursting with powerful monsters. And it’s under assault by the forces of the Demon King…! Ahh! What shall I do on the day when their numbers overwhelm me and I am captured? Listen, Kazuma, when that happens, forget about me! Think only of yourself!”
“Don’t worry; I’ll be more than happy to leave you behind. Don’t follow us home, okay?” I shot down Darkness as her mind wandered off on another tangent. The three of us collected our luggage—we hadn’t even unpacked from last time—and left the house.
Normally, we would have just headed for the carriage station, but I had a little plan in mind for this trip.
“Hey, Kazuma, where the heck are we going? Weren’t we supposed to follow that Yunyun girl back to her village?”
“Yunyun left on a carriage just after noon yesterday. We’d never catch up. And I’m sick of carriage rides anyway. There’s somewhere else I want to go.”
Even as I answered Aqua, the little shop that was my destination came into view.
“…Erk. This is where you wanted to go? As… As a follower of Our Lady Eris, I’d rather avoid this place… I mean, it’s…”
“Hello, hello, hello! Young man whose business experience sadly does not contribute to his level and young woman whose only worth lately has been the power of her family’s name! And if it isn’t our thug-slash-priest with her insufferable corona of light and the gimmicky clan member who knows only gimmick magic! You could not have come at a better time.”
“…where this guy works!”
“Gimmicky clan member?!”
Darkness and Megumin took turns sounding put out as the employee wearing an uncanny mask greeted them from the corner of the store where he was cleaning. I had come here because I wanted to finish the business negotiations we had been putting off, and because there was something I wanted from Wiz…
Vanir swept around behind me, ushering me into the store. He crinkled his brow but otherwise ignored the flurry of quick little jabs courtesy of Aqua. I didn’t see Wiz anywhere. But I did hear a quiet sniffling from somewhere inside…
Her unsettling employee kept pushing me along.
“What do you mean? Have you got something weird in stock again? Let’s be clear: I’m not here to buy anything.”
“Now, now, don’t say that. I know some of my wares have been less than satisfactory, but even I have my moments. I have something I’m sure you’ll be very interested in.” Now that he had us inside, Vanir held out a small box with the lid open.
“…? What’s this?”
“A magical item that repels the undead. Just open the lid, and a divine aura will keep them at bay for at least twelve hours. I recall you are accompanied by a most unusual someone of whom the undead are especially fond. In fact, I believe it made your life rather difficult on your recent excursion. If you had one of these, you could sleep in your bed or in the fields or anywhere with complete peace of mind!”
“Hang on, ‘most unusual’? You’re not talking about me, are you?”
Undead repellent, huh? I had to admit it sounded useful on the surface…
“And what’s the catch? Don’t pretend there isn’t one.”
“Oh, but there isn’t. I suppose—well, the price might be considered a little high for a consumable, but that’s it. It’s very effective! I just keep this lid open, and our fog-brained shop owner can’t come out of the back room. She’s been in there crying all day—it’s that good!”
“You mean that’s Wiz I’ve been hearing this whole time? Put that thing away! Why did she even order something like that? …Tell you what, though, it does sound like it would be good to have around. Give me one. I’ll be needing it right away.” I pulled out my wallet, thinking about the camping we’d likely have to do.
“Always a pleasure doing business! One undead repellent. That will be one million eris!”
“That’s highway robbery! At that price, I should just fight the damn zombies!”
Vanir ignored me, assiduously putting a new box into a bag for us.
“Why worry, my honored customer? After all, you’re going to be a rich man soon! I’ll buy the intellectual property rights to all your inventions thus far for three hundred million eris! Does this agreement look acceptable to you?” He pulled out a contract as he spoke.
“Three hundred million eris…! If he got that kind of money, he’d never work again! He’d become a worthless lump! But then again, even that might not be so bad…” Beside me, Darkness looked worried. I’m sure I had no idea what she was muttering about.
On either side of me, Aqua and Megumin were tugging on my sleeves, wearing ingratiating smiles.
“Kazuma! My dear Kazuma. I dream of having a pool in our house…”
“I want to get an MP Purifier Machine. It is supposed to aid in the recovery of Magic Points.”
“Oof, nothing like a whiff of money to bring out the gold diggers. Pools and magic purifiers sound really expensive, and I’m not rich yet. For now, go see if you can find any items we might need for this trip.”
At my urging, the two of them happily began rooting through the shop’s item collection.
For my part, I decided to take the lump sum for the rights to my intellectual property. With my propensity for getting caught up in risky goings-on, I figured it was best to take the money and run while I had the chance. In a single year, there had been two separate incidents in this town—a high-ranking Demon King general and a mobile fortress. You couldn’t be too careful.
“Okay, just take the cost of that undead repellent thing out of my three hundred mil. I’m assuming I won’t be able to get the money right away?”
“Sadly, no. The woebegone working-Lich weeping in the back room had to go and order these ridiculous things—that means outlay is in short supply. To put it bluntly, we have no money. Oh, don’t make that face. I will have plenty of capital next week—I’ve invited investors to come to town.”
Next week, huh? Starting next week, I would be the town’s richest man!
“Oh, now that you mention it, I wanted to talk to Wiz. Could you go get her?”
With a hangdog expression, Vanir closed the lid of the box that had been releasing a white mist into the air. He opened a window to clear out the place, and finally Wiz emerged from the back room. She smiled and welcomed us. Until just recently, the exertions of our trip to Arcanletia had left her with one foot in the next life, but now she looked back to her normal, deathly pale self.
“Hey, Wiz, feeling better? Sorry to keep bothering you. We’re not really here to shop today—I’ve got a favor to ask you.”
“…? A favor? Me?”
I nodded. I told her what was going on in Megumin’s village and explained exactly what I wanted.
“I see,” she said at length. “So you just need me to Teleport everyone to Arcanletia?”
To reach Crimson Magic Village, first we would have to go through Arcanletia. And this Lich, who for an undead was awfully fond of baths, had fallen in love with the city on our trip and set it as one of the destinations of her Teleport spell.
While Wiz and I were talking, everyone else had been looking over her stock.
“H-hey, Vanir. What’s this ‘monster-attractant potion’? If you were to, you know, smear this all over your body, what would happen?”
“That potion is intended to be administered orally. When you drink it, I guarantee not only monsters but townspeople, relatives, even your own friends will attack you out of a sudden hatred. I should think it would be very much suited to your— ahem —preferences. You’ll take one?”
“…Even my family and friends will hate me…? Hrm. I can’t have them hating me forever, but depending on the duration of the effect, maybe…”
“…Oh-ho. This says here that these potions temporarily strengthen the effect of a specific magic spell. Do you have any that make Explosion more potent?”
“Mm. The only booster potions we have in stock at the moment are for binding magic and swamp magic. The Bind booster potion increases the spell’s area of effect, so you become as paralyzed as your enemy. The swamp booster likewise makes the effect larger, so the caster is among those who drown.”
“Well, that will not do.” Megumin turned her attention to another product. “What is this strangely lifelike doll?”
“That’s a Vanir doll. A fine piece of work that contains a shard of my own mask to scare away evil spirits. It’s currently the only product that’s actually selling. Granted, it cackles in the middle of the night, but it certainly does its job. What about you lot? There are no evil spirits in your house, but you do have a spectral resident. Want to try one?”
“It cackles at night?” Megumin said. “And this is supposed to assure you that there aren’t evil spirits around? Anyway, Aqua would never sit by if there was a ghost in our house.”
“Megumin, didn’t you believe what I said? I told you—the ghost of a little noblegirl lives in that mansion! I haven’t cleared her out yet because I felt bad for her. I’m just letting her enjoy herself!”
“Oh yes. I remember. This is the ‘ghost’ who drinks all your wine?”
“You, too, Darkness? Aww, please believe me!”
Geez, what a noisy bunch…
As I tried to tune out what was going on behind me, Wiz had a dreamy look on her face.
“You know, I visited Crimson Magic Village for some acquisitions once. I went to call on a very famous magical-item merchant named Hyoizaburou, but unfortunately, he wasn’t in…”
Almost instantaneously, Megumin appeared at my side with a little yelp of shock.
“E-excuse me, but did you say ‘Hyoizaburou’? Th-that is, how long ago did you go to the village?”
“That would have been…about two years ago, I guess? Oh yeah—when I went to his house, a pretty girl answered the door. She looked a lot like you, Miss Megumin…”
At that, Megumin grabbed her head and curled up into a ball.
“What’s the deal?” I asked. “Something wrong?”
“N-no… My rash decision seems to have cost him his business…”
As I was trying to fathom what Megumin was talking about, sounds of a struggle came from behind me.
“Don’t touch my products, you menace! If you lay a finger on my potions, they’ll turn to water!”
“That’s some way to talk! I thought customers were supposed to be treated like deities! Speaking as an actual goddess, I should know! So how about a little less sass and a little more groveling?”
“You’re a pathetic deity and a terrible customer! How dare you give me lip when you go around making my stock worthless! Hey, Wiz! I heard what you were saying. Hurry up and teleport these troublemakers before they do any more damage!”
Wiz gave a helpless smile at Vanir’s tirade and began preparing her spell.
“Hey, kid.” Vanir leaned in toward me as I watched Wiz work. “Let the all-seeing demon give you a word of advice—my way of thanking you for a pricey purchase.” He took a breath. “Once you reach your destination, a time will come when one of your companions will confide in you about some confusion. What you say may change the path that person takes in life. Think carefully and be sure the advice you offer will leave no regrets.”
Gosh, that sounds awfully important. Even if his “advice” is terribly suspicious.
I ended Aqua’s endless stream of complaints, and the four of us gathered in one spot.
“All right then, everyone,” Wiz said. “I wish you a safe journey! Teleport !”
4
I found myself squeezing my eyes shut as Wiz cast her spell. When I opened them again, Arcanletia, “the city of water and hot springs,” was there in front of us. I hadn’t expected to ever come back here—let alone almost immediately after we’d left.
“Hey, Kazuma! Kazuma, hey!”
“Oh no. We’re not staying here a minute longer than we have to. I don’t want anything to do with your followers.”
“Aww, what is your problem?”
We decided to stick around long enough to try to get some information from Yunyun, as well as to placate Aqua, who, perhaps naturally, was eager to stay a night.
Yunyun had left the previous day. She must have gone by carriage, but even so, the distance from Axel to Arcanletia couldn’t be covered in a day, even if you departed early in the morning. My guess was that Wiz’s Teleport had gotten us here ahead of her.
…But when I suggested we wait and meet up with her, Megumin gave me a dour look.
“Kazuma, I am not going home out of concern for Yunyun. I am worried about my sister, as I told you. So I think we should move on immediately. Knowing Yunyun, she will have no trouble catching up to us.”
So she was sticking to her story about her sister.
…What a pain.
In the end, we decided not to stay in Arcanletia and set off for Crimson Magic Village instead. Personally, I was just as happy to be out of reach of the Axis Church’s crazy “missionaries.” But then again, the road to the village was supposed to be so dangerous that even merchant caravans wouldn’t use it. The Crimson Magic Clan members themselves got around using Teleport. In other words, there was no need to risk losing a convoy for them.
We put Arcanletia behind us, heading for Crimson Magic Village along the road.
“It’s about two days’ walk from here to the village. There are a lot of dangerous monsters on the way, so we’ll be relying on Kazuma’s Sense Foe skill,” Megumin said.
Frankly, I was terrified at the prospect of camping out with all those monsters around. I wanted to cover as much ground as we could while the sun was up.
“Leave it to me,” I said. “I took care of a few little enemies on our last trip, remember? It actually made my level go up. I had plenty of skill points, so I picked up a thief skill called Flee. It allows you to escape battle at any time.”
“Hey, doesn’t that only affect you, Kazuma?” Aqua said. “Are you saying that anytime you sense an enemy, you can just run away by yourself? That’s not what you’re saying, is it?”
We trundled along with Darkness up front and Megumin, Aqua, and me behind. I was ignoring Aqua’s uncharacteristically perceptive questions.
“Kazuma,” Megumin said, “aren’t Adventurers supposed to level up easily? We had that whole intense battle with the Demon King’s general, and you only got one level? I jumped straight up to 33!”
“Hey, put that card away before I throw it away. It’s not like I have a choice. You can take out the boss and all the small fry in the area in one big blast, but I have to make do with my bow and this sword with its weird name.”
We were still arguing as we proceeded toward a forest—and Darkness stopped in her tracks.
“…Eep. There’s someone there…”
I followed her gaze and saw a green-haired girl sitting on an outcropping of rock near the forest entrance. She was waving as if she’d just noticed us.
Is she here alone?
…Then my eyes went to her feet. Her right ankle was wrapped in blood-soaked bandages. The sight made me wince.
She was looking at us with upturned eyes. I felt one of my skills activate.
…What can I say?
Except…this world is really absolutely, positively no good!
“Aww, you’re hurt. Are you okay?” Aqua was approaching the girl solicitously. I grabbed her shoulder, drawing a look not only from her but from Darkness and Megumin as well.
“My Sense Foe skill is tingling. That’s a monster in disguise.”
“““Huh?!”””
I ignored the girl’s imploring expression. While staying mindful of our surroundings, I pulled out the Guild’s map of the road to Crimson Magic Village. It included information about the monsters you might meet on the way. I checked to see if any of them fit this girl’s description…
There it is.
“Leisure Girl.” That had to be her.
“Come on, Kazuma, she’s looking at you all sad and stuff… I kind of can’t help wanting to go cast Heal on her.”
I refused to loosen my grip on Aqua’s shoulder. Instead, I reviewed the info we had on this creature.
“Leisure Girl: This plant-type monster does not do direct physical damage. However, it will attempt to provoke strong protective feelings in passing travelers to lure them closer. Its advances are difficult to resist, and once you give in to your sympathy for it, you will remain its prisoner until you die. Some maintain that this monster is actually highly intelligent, but this is not certain. We request that adventuring groups who encounter this monster exterminate it, difficult as that may be.”
“Kazuma, sh-she’s looking at me,” Darkness said, sounding unusually irresolute. “Look at those big round eyes! Are you sure it’s a monster?”
“While travelers are near this monster, it will display a highly relaxing smile, making it difficult to leave. If an attempt to withdraw is nonetheless made, it will begin to cry. The more good-hearted the traveler, the more dangerous this monster is.”
“K-Kazuma, that girl… She is waving ‘bye-bye’ to us and struggling to put on her bravest smile so as not to cry… Surely, one little hug would not hurt?”
I let go of Aqua and grabbed Megumin by the collar.
“Once ensnared, it will come closer to its prey, making it difficult to avoid. While hunger might normally prompt a traveler to move on, a further danger of this monster is that it will share its own fruit with such famished captives. The fruit is in fact quite tasty. But it is almost entirely devoid of nutritional value, so one will continue to lose weight no matter how much one eats. Travelers suffer pangs of conscience to see the little girl offer them her own fruit, eventually cease to eat at all, and die of malnutrition.”
“Hrk…! Even if it is a monster, to walk away from someone injured…!” Darkness couldn’t stand it anymore; she started approaching the Leisure Girl. But since the map said the creature didn’t do any physical damage, I let her go and kept reading.
“Some element in the Leisure Girl’s fruit seems to interfere with the nervous system, because eventually hunger, fatigue, pain, and other danger signals cease to be sent to the body. As a result, the creature’s prey enters a dreamlike state, wastes away, and dies. Some elderly adventurers, seeking a peaceful death, have deliberately gone to this monster’s habitat, which is where it gets its name. After the death of its prey, the Leisure Girl puts down roots over the deceased traveler and draws nutrition from—”
…I stopped reading. Somewhere along the line, Megumin had escaped my grip and joined Aqua in walking toward the girl. All of them were aware it was a monster and not exactly eager to touch it quite yet, but they were definitely in kind of a daze.
The Leisure Girl looked at them with eyes full of fleeting hope: You’ll really stay with me? My companions, their protective impulses stirred by her expression, were flexing their fingers in anticipation.
“It looks like this monster doesn’t do physical damage,” I said. “Instead, it plays on people’s emotions and starves them to death before running its roots into them.”
At my words, the three of them drew even closer to the Leisure Girl, wearing placid expressions. I had to wonder if they were listening to the part about being starved to death.
“I’ll take care of your poor boo-boos!” Aqua said. But a moment later: “Huh? These aren’t injuries at all. These aren’t even bandages—just something that looks like them.”
That prompted me to come take a closer look, too.
The Leisure Girl wore clothes like you might see on any young kid around town. She had bare feet and was smiling happily to have everyone clustering around her. When I got close, I realized the rock she was sitting on was part of her fake body, too. A branch-like thing extended from the back of it, and a small fruit was growing there. The clothes, the blood-soaked bandages—all of it was just a trick to get people to feel sorry for her.
What kind of monster would impersonate an injured little girl? I mean, come on.
That was what I was thinking, anyway. Beside me, my three companions were busy fussing over the Leisure Girl. Megumin held her hand out gently, and the creature looked at it with anxious eyes that said, Can I really?
She clasped the outstretched hand, and her face blossomed into an expression of pure bliss.
That seemed to be it for the three of them.
Crimson Magic Village might have been in danger, but this thing was its own kind of trouble. I thought back to the warning from the monster info. “ The more good-hearted the traveler, the more dangerous this monster is. ” And: “ We request that adventuring groups who encounter this monster exterminate it, difficult as that may be. ”
I stood in front of the Leisure Girl and drew my katana-ish sword, Chunchunmaru.
When Aqua saw me, she hugged the Leisure Girl protectively. “What are you doing, Kazuma?! You can’t possibly mean to farm this sweet little girl for experience points, can you?”
Excuse me, but that’s a monster. A deadly one.
Megumin, still holding the creature’s hand, gazed at me beseechingly. “I, too, know of the Leisure Girl. But surely you wouldn’t hurt a being in the form of such an adorable child? People say you are a demonic monster and morally bankrupt, but I know you also care about your friends and have the occasional moment of kindness. I know you wouldn’t do something like this… Would you…?” You’d think she was pleading with her parents not to take the kitten she found to the animal shelter.
…Geez. I mean, it’s not like I’m doing this for fun.
Darkness sensed my hesitation, but she seemed to remember that we were dealing with a monster. “…No,” she said. “If Kazuma has decided to eliminate this thing, then that’s what we should do. I went to it because I thought it was injured, but this monster doesn’t have any wounds. That means this is all a cunning disguise. If we leave it here, who knows what kind of damage it will do down the line?” As she spoke, she drew her great sword, taking up a stance against the Leisure Girl.
At that, the Leisure Girl spoke in a voice so soft it was hard to hear, stumbling over her words like a child.
“…You’re gonna…k-kill…me…?”
She clung to Megumin’s hand and looked up at Darkness without ever leaving her rock. Tears welled in her eyes, and she started to tremble.
So it can talk…
Quaking so hard her great sword rattled, Darkness silently implored me with the exact same expression as the Leisure Girl.
Geez, you too? What am I supposed to do about this?
I pushed the immobilized Darkness out of the way, stepping forward with my sword in my hand. Aqua stood in front of the Leisure Girl to block me, shadowboxing to keep me at bay.
…Some goddess. Getting all chummy with a monster…
The Leisure Girl looked anxiously at Megumin, still holding her hand, and then gave me a terrified glance.
“…He’s gonna…k-kill…me…?”
The sight of that questioning, teary-eyed look hit me somewhere deep in my heart. Three companions and one monster all watched me.
Keep it together! This monster took human lives. If we didn’t do something about it, someone else might become its victim. Not to get all philosophical, but wouldn’t letting it live be the greater evil?
Or would it be worse to kill it?
Grrrrrraaagh!
I stabbed my katana into the dirt, nearly pulling out my hair. Aqua, seeing the turmoil within me, said:
Thanks, that’s just what a mature, responsible person would do. Not.
And anyway, everyone needed to just hold on a moment. There was one more reason I couldn’t let the Leisure Girl go.
And that was Megumin’s village.
We were headed straight into the jaws of the Demon King’s army, his generals, and his minions. And while I had zero interest in fighting them, I wanted to get every level I could scrounge up—just in case. If the Leisure Girl lived here, in a country this dangerous, then it had to be worth some serious XP.
Darkness, Aqua, and Megumin all watched my internal battle. So did the Leisure Girl, wearing an uneasy look.
I had a good cause. If I didn’t take out this monster, other people might get hurt.
…Gaaaaaaah, damn it all! I don’t have any choice—forgive me! It might look like a person, but it’s a monster! A monster! A monster…!
Seeing me stand there, apparently doomed to be locked in battle with myself forever, the Leisure Girl whispered, “You’re in…pain. I’m sorry, it’s…because I’m…alive, isn’t it?” A smile flitted across her face. “I’m a…monster. I cause…trouble…just by being…alive.” Tears began beading in her eyes. “This is the first…time in my…life…I’ve been able to talk…to a human.” She brought her hands together in front of her chest, as if she was praying. “And it looks like…it will be the…last. I’m glad you…were the one I…talked to… If there is…such a thing as rebirth…I hope I won’t…be a monster…in my next life.”
…Sheesh. How could I kill that ?
5
We continued on our way, leaving the Leisure Girl behind us.
Hey, don’t judge me. I guess it might get someone in trouble later—but I don’t value human life so highly that I could kill a monster that looks like a little girl and says things like that.
Sigh. I supposed she probably would get someone else passing through.
Even after we left, everyone acted as if something was tugging on them from behind. Aqua and Megumin would barely go forward, making my life difficult.
Aww, man! I feel bad leaving it, and I would have felt bad killing it. What a rude monster.
Then again, she did say this was the first time she had talked to a human. Maybe that meant she hadn’t captured any other victims. So maybe letting her go was…the right choice…?
“Anyway, Kazuma, I’m so glad to learn you have a shred of humanity left in you,” Aqua was saying. “I thought you were about to go, ‘I’ll make experience points out of you!’ and then cast Kindle on her or something.”
“We really need to have a talk about who exactly you think I am. You all knew I was never gonna do it, right?” I looked to Darkness and Megumin…
““…””
The two of them averted their eyes uncomfortably, not saying a word.
What I wouldn’t give for companions kind and loving enough to understand me.
…Huh? “Hold on a second. I just realized how dangerous it is leaving that Leisure Girl on this road.”
The thought of kind and loving companions had reminded me of Yunyun, who would be coming this way later. She had no friends, she was already the lonely type, and she was given to showing compassion to those around her. If she saw that thing…
The Leisure Girl had said we were the first humans she had talked to. That meant Yunyun definitely hadn’t been by already.
“You look whiter than Wiz,” Aqua said. “You have a stomachache? There are some bushes over there. Don’t worry; we’ll give you some space.”
“You are so wrong! Look, you guys go on ahead. I need to talk to that Leisure Girl.”
“What?! H-hey, Kazuma—?!”
With Aqua’s confused shout ringing in my ears, I dashed back the way we had come.
6
It hadn’t been five minutes since we’d left the Leisure Girl behind. If I ran, I would be there in no time. Then, as foolish as it might be, I would have to try to ask her not to bother the red-eyed girl who would be coming down this road—not even smile at her.
My mind kept spinning as I went. If I could get that concession from her, maybe I could even persuade her not to lure any travelers at all into her trap.
…Yes! That was it! I could ask the Axis Church in Arcanletia to send that sweet monster regular sustenance so it wouldn’t have to attack anyone. I was going to be a gazillionaire when I got back to town anyway. I could spare enough to keep one monster fed. I was practically giddy with these thoughts as I went rushing back…!
When I got to where we had met the Leisure Girl, I could see she was talking with someone. I immediately activated my Ambush and Second Sight skills to check out what was going on.
She was speaking to a woodcutter. He must have lived in Arcanletia…
The woodcutter was advancing on her, ax in hand. Did he mean to kill her…? I slipped forward, leaving my Ambush skill active, trying to hear what he was saying.
His voice was all too clear. “Argh… Damn! I’m sorry! Forgive me! But we woodcutters know that if we find one of you, we have to get rid of you…!” He was practically weeping.
So he was going to kill her! I deactivated Ambush—
“I’m a…monster. I cause…trouble…just by being…alive.”
—or I was about to, when I heard the creature speak…using the same words as before.
“This is the first…time in my…life…I’ve been able to talk…to a human.”
The exact same words.
“And it looks like…it will be the…last. I’m glad you…were the one I…talked to. If there is…such a thing as rebirth…I hope I won’t…be a monster…in my next life.”
“Ahh! I can’t do it!” the woodcutter exclaimed. “Damn it all, I just can’t do it!” And then he turned and ran.
I stood dumbly in the shadow of the trees, not even turning off Ambush.
What’s going on? Didn’t she say I was the first human she had talked to?
“Pfah, there goes another one. And that woodcutter looked so meaty. There would have been plenty to feed on there…”
With the woodcutter gone, the Leisure Girl seemed to be talking to herself. She spoke in fluent, perfectly formed words.
I snuck around behind her and deactivated Ambush. The Leisure Girl didn’t know I was there.
“Baaah… Shit. Come on, food, where are you? Maybe I’ll have to settle for photosynthesis. And it’s cloudy. What a pain in my ass…”
Still muttering, she lay down and stretched out as if to catch as much of the sun as she could…
…and her eyes met mine, as I stood directly behind her.
““…………””
For a very long moment, we looked at each other wordlessly. Then the Leisure Girl blurted, “Could…we p-pretend…that didn’t…happen?”
“I know you can talk normal, you slimyyyy—!!”
When I got back to Aqua and the others, they were taking a break right where I’d left them. Maybe they’d been waiting for me.
Aqua smiled as I came running up. “Well, you look like there’s a load off your mind! What happened? Something with you and that monster? What did you go back for, anyway?”
I gleefully showed her my Adventurer’s Card. “Have a look at this! I just jumped three levels! That oughta do me some good when we reach Megumin’s village.”
The trio froze. Followed immediately by…
“Waa—waaaaaaaaaaahhhh! Kazuma, you monster! You morally bankrupt demon! Now I see why Vanir likes you so much! You’re worse than he is!”
“No… No… No, oh no… This is all my fault… If I hadn’t bragged so much about all those levels I gained… If I hadn’t teased Kazuma about it… Maybe that…poor thing…would still be alive! O damnable pride…!”
I was trying to get Aqua and Megumin to stop wailing long enough for me to explain when I registered Darkness standing stonily to one side. I gave her a quizzical look.
“It must have been painful,” she said. “But you did your duty as an adventurer. Forgive us for making you bear this burden alone…”
Her expression was pained, and she was completely serious.
It took me a full hour to explain.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login