Chapter 2
May I Make a Harem of These Lustful Beast-Eared Girls!
1
As the curtain of night descended, we found a place by the side of the road. We cleared away the biggest rocks so it would be easy to sleep and laid out our sheet. It was about the size of a picnic blanket—and that was pretty much how we were using it.
We couldn’t have the powerful monsters around here noticing a campfire, so instead we agreed to sleep huddled up in the dark. After I opened the undead repellent we’d bought from Vanir, we put everyone’s provisions in the middle of the blanket, resting our backs against the pile.
We couldn’t see the light of the stars, maybe because of the cloudy weather. But thanks to my Second Sight and Sense Foe skills, I could tell if a monster was coming even in the dark. That meant guard duty fell to me. And because I might have trouble dealing with the threat by myself, the others stood guard with me in turns. Megumin drew the first shift.
“…Kazuma, can you really stay up all night?” Darkness said from the gloom. “Granted, with your skill set, we appreciate your standing guard, but…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ve always been good at all-nighters. Where I come from, we pull them all the time.”
“Now that you mention it, Kazuma, where do you come from?” Megumin asked. “You and Aqua both. I’d love to hear about your home country. Based on your inventions, it’s clearly a place with many useful magical items. I keep wondering what kind of life you lived there. What kind of life—what kind of sacrifices—awarded you such a talent for staying up all night…?”
I could feel Darkness looking at me, too, Megumin’s words having piqued her interest.
What kind of life I lived, huh…?
I thought back on my peaceful life in Japan. Sitting and talking at night like this reminded me of school trips. The nostalgia was almost too much to bear. I slowly began to speak.
“Let’s see… Well, I really owned in that world.”
““‘Owned’? Owned what?”” Megumin and Darkness said together.
I see they don’t have that word in this world.
“I guess it means, you know, someone at the top of the pile. My friends had a bunch of nicknames for me. ‘ Kazuma, the guy with all the luck. ’ ‘ Kazuma, the guy who’s always there if you overdo it. ’ That sort of thing… They really depended on me. My buddies and I would assault fortresses and take down huge bosses. Man, it was a good time… All-nighters? All the time. Didn’t eat well, slept two hours a day, then it was off on another monster hunt.”
Darkness sucked in an admiring breath next to me. “Th-that’s amazing… Fortresses and bosses…! No wonder you always come up with good ideas, with all that experience. That’s really something!” She sounded excited, full of genuine respect.
Even Megumin got in on it. “I would not normally believe such talk from you, Kazuma, but somehow… Somehow it just feels like you’re telling the truth. I really do sense confidence and fondness for such memories from you…”
Then, from directly behind me, Aqua spoke up.
“…Hey, Kazuma. When do I get to tell them that you’re talking about some online game?”
“Never. Please?”
2
Darkness told me that if anything happened, I should wake her up—I could be a little rough if I wanted to, she said—and I agreed I would find an awful way of alerting her if she was needed. Then Megumin and I went on guard duty.
“…You know, I have to wonder just what this awful way of waking someone up is. You know, there is a certain line you should not cross with your party members. You understand that, don’t you?”
“Let me tell you something about men, Megumin. When you say there’s a line we can’t cross or a wall we can’t climb, that makes us want to cross it or climb it more than ever… The bigger the obstacles in our lives, the higher the mountains we have to climb, the more we want to face them down! It’s like that.”
“No, it isn’t! Please don’t act like we are talking about something optimistic and motivational here! I’m not sure I feel safe being on guard duty with you…”
Megumin’s agitated outburst provoked some groggy sleep-talk from Aqua.
““……””
The two of us went quiet, not wanting to wake her. I let out a small sigh of relief when I heard her breathing calmly and evenly again.
“By the way,” Megumin started in a soft voice. “Going back to what we were talking about before bed…” She went on hesitantly. “You come from another country, don’t you? …Do you never go back home?”
“Truth is, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. And if I did go back, I’d probably end up being a lazy bum again. Just recently, I’ve started to think maybe this life isn’t so bad. When we come back from Crimson Magic Village, I’ll get the three hundred million eris from Vanir and be a rich man. Then we can all be lazy bums, just enjoying ourselves.”
Being a NEET here wasn’t so different from being a NEET in Japan. It seemed like it was mostly a question of whether you were a burden on your parents. Japan had video games, and computers, too, but it didn’t have succubus services. Those seemed like the major differences.
Defeating the Demon King and going back to Japan?
It had started to seem like a pretty impossible idea. And anyway, sure, I wanted to see my parents again, but I was good and dead in Japan…
If I brought down the Demon King, I could wish for anything I wanted. Maybe I could get something better.
Megumin gave a small sigh of relief at my words.
“I see… I like this life, too. Exactly as it is. The way we all get in trouble but then somehow find a way out—it’s a fun way to live, and it’s enough for me.”
I was about to ask how getting in trouble all the time counted as “fun” when she said:
She let out a small breath as she slid closer to me. She squeezed my hand in the darkness. Her own hand felt cold.
Why am I so nervous?
Wait, what the hell? This is some bittersweetness right here!
What was with this girl? Why had Megumin suddenly taken my hand without any context? First Yunyun wanted to have a baby with me, and now this? Maybe I really was finally getting popular with the ladies.
Memories of my romantic life flashed before my eyes. The first girl I had ever loved. How, in grade school, we had promised to get married when we grew up. How, in the summer of our third year of middle school, I saw her riding with a ne’er-do-well upperclassman on his motorbike. How, full of feelings I couldn’t explain, I stopped going to school so much and lost myself in online games instead. How I didn’t even want to sleep after that—just kill monsters until the sun came up. How eventually I had reached such heights that more people had heard of me than not…
I had spent the best years of my life training in online games. I had wasted the days when I was supposed to be enjoying the blossoming of romance at school. And now here I was, with a beautiful girl practically pressed up against me, my hand in hers.
Yikes. What was a guy supposed to do in this situation? Was she telling me to make a move on her? Should I say something suave? I had never thought much about Megumin in that way, and I didn’t have any romantic feelings for her now, either—I mean, she was still too young. But didn’t she realize that a virgin with zero experience with women wouldn’t be able to just shake it off when a girl did something like that?!
I collected myself and got ready to offer some smooth line…
And then I noticed it.
“…zzzzz…”
While I’d been sitting there, anxious and confused, Megumin had slipped into the even breathing of sleep.
……Stupid, stupid kid!
3
“…Geez, with you and Megumin making all that noise last night, I couldn’t sleep a wink!”
“Look, I apologize for the noise, but I only did it because jailbait here fell asleep in the middle of her watch. And anyway, what are you talking about? When I tried to wake you up for your shift, you didn’t even budge! Darkness ended up taking your watch instead.”
“I just heard that you’d done something really awful to Megumin when she fell asleep on her shift, so I thought maybe if I fell asleep—but then I was so excited about what you might do to me that I couldn’t sleep…”
“Errgh… I—I can’t believe what you did to me…”
True, there had been more than a little commotion the night before, but at least we’d made it safely till morning. We had a light breakfast and then walked along, arguing, with no suspicions that anything would go less than according to plan.
“Aww, crap…”
But now I stood smack in the middle of the road, staring dumbly at the huge field that spread out in front of us. There wasn’t a single obstacle, mean ing my Ambush skill was useless. We’d been relying on Megumin, but if we used magic in such an open space, the sound could easily attract more mon sters. And the only way to Crimson Magic Village was through this field…
Even with Sense Foe active, we would be so exposed that any monsters would probably be on us before my skill could be of any use. No choice, then. This was the time to use Second Sight. I wouldn’t try to use Sense Foe at all and instead just spot the monsters before they spotted me.
“Okay, I’m going in alone. You guys stay wherever you can make a quick getaway. Aqua, give me a speed boost so I can escape if I need to.”
Even if a monster did get to me, Aqua’s speed buff plus the Flee skill I’d learned the other day would allow me to draw the enemy off while the other three waited somewhere discreet. I took off my chest armor, gloves, and greaves, handing them to Aqua. I wanted to be as light as possible if the need arose. To reduce my weight even more, I gave her all my weapons, except my dagger.
“You look like you’re set on running at the first sign of trouble,” Aqua said archly. “Brave as ever.”
“There’s no way I could fight the monsters around here head-on,” I said. “I looked at the monster info, and they all sound like serious trouble. No guarantees they’ll come one at a time, either. So you’re right—combat is absolutely a last resort for me.”
The monster info had referred to One-Punch Bears, along with griffins, Fire Drakes, and a rogue’s gallery of other creatures with very intimidating names.
Well, except for one. It was highly recognizable, and in video games and manga it was always a small fry. So if I had to meet anything, I hoped it would be that.
I got ready to set off. “All right. Follow me, but keep a good distance. Just be sure not to lose sight of me. I’ll gesture if there’s anything out there—then you guys run.”
“Got it!” Aqua said. “You can count on me!”
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that gestures mean nothing to you. Darkness, Megumin, you’re up.”
The two of them nodded.
4
The road ran through a huge field. I proceeded along it by myself, lightly armored and carefully looking around for any sign of monsters. From time to time, I looked over my shoulder to make sure the girls were still following me. All good so far. I wanted to be especially careful of any fliers. The info had mentioned griffins, but I didn’t see any circling shadows.
We had seen the shapes of several huge monsters in the distance, but we had successfully avoided them. All good. We just needed to get across the field and link back up.
And then…
A human shape stood smack in the middle of the field. Whoever it was didn’t seem to have noticed me yet, but I also couldn’t think of any reason for someone to be standing in the middle of this field. That meant it was probably a monster.
I managed to pick out what it was while I was still at a distance. It was the only thing that seemed out of place in an area crawling with deadly enemies.
An orc.
These bipedal, pigheaded creatures were very fertile and could breed all year round. Their body type made it possible for them to breed with most other humanoids, meaning that if they captured you, life could get very unpleasant. Some people even said that if it looked like they were going to capture you, it was better to just kill yourself.
In games and such, orcs tend to rank with kobolds and goblins at the bottom of the monster totem pole. I couldn’t imagine why they were listed in the monster info here. Compared to the massive foes we had been working so hard to avoid, it hardly seemed like there was a reason to bother going around this guy. True, I had only my dagger, but from what I could tell, the other guy didn’t have any weapon at all. Plus, I could absorb his HP with Drain Touch—and anyway, there was only one.
I decided to get close and take him out with a single blow from my dagger. I started advancing toward the silhouette, which seemed quite a ways away. I walked boldly, making no effort to hide myself. Then again, in this huge open field, there was nowhere to hide in the first place.
When I had gotten a good deal closer, the monster must have noticed me, because he started approaching me. I reflexively tightened my grip on my dagger. Then I heard something behind me.
“…zu…ma…! Kazu…!!”
I turned around to see what was going on and spotted Aqua and the others shouting something at me. I couldn’t quite tell from this distance, but Aqua and Megumin seemed to be making some kind of gesture. It took me a moment, but eventually I figured out what they were trying to say.
Run!
But I faced front again. It was just one orc.
The orc was pretty close now, and staring straight at me.
Disturbed by my companions’ actions, I muttered, “ Create Earth !” in a quiet voice, hiding some dust in my left hand so I could blind the orc if need be. When I glanced back, I saw Aqua and Megumin gesturing more frantically than ever. Run! Run!
If anything, it’s you ladies who ought to be running , I wanted to tell them. An orc was more likely to go after women than after a man like me. But then again, since I was going to drop the thing right here, I guess it didn’t really matter whether they ran or not.
I turned back to the orc. It was close enough that we could see each other’s faces now, and it seemed more human than I’d pictured an orc looking. It had the ears and snout of a pig, but the structure of its face wasn’t so different from anyone else’s. And it had actual clothes on—probably stolen from some unfortunate traveler. The most surprising thing, though, was that it had a head of hair. Messy hair, yes, but there it was. Despite the green skin, it could easily be mistaken for a human at first glance.
“Hello! I say, you manly man! Want to have a little fun with me?”
Apparently, it was a female, because the words that came fluently out of its mouth were high-pitched.
…Gosh. This really was not at all the way I imagined orcs. I didn’t even know they had females. I mean, sure, they were supposed to be super fertile, but I had heard they could breed with other races…
I glanced at her again. The form was humanoid, but that was definitely a monster. I felt kind of bad for her—she had gone out of her way to make me an offer—but I was not broad-minded enough to see her as a potential partner. As nonchalantly as I could, I said, “I’d rather not.”
And there it was. The first time in my life a woman had propositioned me, and I’d turned her down.
The orc showed no change of expression, despite my refusal. “Oh no? That’s a shame. I do so prefer when they’re willing.” Then she grinned, baring her teeth. Besides the messy hair, she had yellow teeth and was distinctly rotund. Snout or no snout, I couldn’t say I would have been interested.
Also, what was that about being willing?
“Listen,” I said, “it seems like you can talk, so let me make you an offer. I’d like to get through here. If you let me by, I’ll share some of my rations with you… What do you say?”
Food could be a powerful motivator… Such was my naive hope, anyway. Come to think of it, what was that dried meat we had? It wasn’t pork, was it? I’d hate to make her commit cannibalism.
As I stood mulling this over, the orc’s mouth began to water. Wow. I guess food was a good move.
…So what she said next pulled that rug out from under me.
“I don’t care about that. This area belongs to us lovely orcs. And when it comes to men in our territory, there’s no such thing as the one that got away… Aren’t you interesting? You don’t look like much at first glance, but I feel a potent survival drive from you. I have a good nose for these things. I bet you and I could have very strong children… Sure you don’t want to have a little fun?”
…………Um.
It finally started to sink in that she wasn’t kidding. Nearing the end of my rope, I looked back at my party again. Two of them were continuing to make the run gesture. Only Darkness, apparently oblivious to the situation, seemed to be wondering whether to join me in battle.
My backward glance gave away my companions to the orc.
“Oh, friends of yours? …All females? I’ll pretend I didn’t see them. As for you… Let’s see. Three days. Spend three days at our village, won’t you? Tee-hee-hee! It’ll be like having your own little harem. We’ll give you a taste of heaven on earth. Although to be fair, most of the men we catch end up tasting heaven in the afterlife, too!”
Looking at the leering orc, I felt an instinctive terror and chanted my magic.
“ Wind Breath !”
“Grah?!”
The wind magic carried my handful of dust straight into the orc’s eyes. Blinded, she howled and bent over double. I rushed up and reached out—not with my dagger but with my bare hand, grabbing the orc.
5
I used Drain Touch to absorb the orc’s HP to within an inch of her life but didn’t kill her. Seeing how I’d been up all night, it was the perfect time for a little vitality boost. The orc had said something about a village, though. I was afraid that if I finished her off, her friends might come looking for me. So I left her alive. But after a few minutes of walking along, I sensed something behind me. I turned around to see Aqua and the others rushing up toward me.
“…What’s the deal? If you get this close to me, then I’m not going ahead anymore, am I? Keep back a little!”
“What are you talking about, Kazuma?! You felled an orc! And this whole field is their territory! They’re going to be after you until you can escape!” Megumin said, agitated.
…Doesn’t she get it yet?
“If they’re after me, that’s a good thing. Remember how I took off all my armor and weapons? It was so I could play the bait. I don’t want to see orcs cap ture you guys and, you know…do all that awful stuff orcs do to their captives.”
Orcs were renowned for their sexual appetites. If my party members fell into their hands…well, I didn’t even want to think about it.
“Now I remember,” Aqua said. “You don’t know the first thing about this world, do you, Kazuma? I’d almost forgotten what a pathetically uninformed moron you are. Well, looks like it’s up to me to fill you iiirrggh!”
I grabbed Aqua’s cheek before her tone could get any higher or mightier and looked to Megumin to clue me in.
“…Kazuma, listen carefully. There are no male orcs in this world.”
“Say what ?!” That wasn’t me. That was Darkness, who apparently found this to be a tragedy.
“All the male orcs went extinct ages ago,” Megumin went on. “Male infants are born from time to time, but they die of physical exhaustion at the hands of the females long before they reach adulthood. So there are no pure-blooded orcs left—they’ve crossbred with every species they can get their hands on, taking the best genes from each. You can hardly call them orcs anymore. Anytime a male—of any species—wanders into their territory, they drag him back to their village and do the most unspeakable things to him. They are men’s natural enemies! …And, Kazuma, you…” She seemed to have trouble getting out the last part of her explanation.
“W-wait just a second, orcs are supposed to be the natural enemies of female knights!” our Crusader piped up. “What happened to those lustful orc men who go after women…?!”
“All gone.” Then Megumin resumed her previous thought. “Kazuma, you brought down an orc female. The orcs want the best men with the strongest genes. You succeeded in stopping one of them, which will only prove to them that they can’t afford to let you go… Look. Just like that.” Ignoring the stricken Darkness, Megumin pointed into the distance.
A crowd of orc females was lined up together, with the one whose HP I had drained at the very front. I knew Megumin said orcs had the best genes from every creature, but surely she couldn’t have recovered so quickly?
Not all the orcs had pig ears. Some of them had cat ears or dog ears, manifest proof of the orcs’ interbreeding.
“You really are a catch!” cried the one I had KO’d. “To knock me senseless! I’m in love now! …And I’m keeping you! I hope you’ll come quietly—I’m going to have your babies for sure!”
Now, that made my hair stand on end. And no sooner had she spoken than the whole horde of them charged at me!
“Huh?! Hey! Wait just a— Eeeyaaaaaahhh!”
Give me a break! Fine… I have to do them in before they do me!
Without another moment of hesitation, I thrust with my dagger, but the orcs, with all their excellent genes, dodged it without breaking a sweat…!
“Wonderful! This won’t take a moment. Just lie still and close your eyes…!”
They easily knocked the dagger from my hands and shoved me to the ground.
I was a fool. I was a fool to think orcs couldn’t be as powerful as everything else around here!
“Help meeee! Megumin, do the usual! Take them all out at once!”
“If I use Explosion while we’re standing this close, it will catch us as well! Darkness! Stop moping already and do something to help Kazuma …!”
“We can talk!” I exclaimed desperately as an orc reached out for me. “Let’s talk!”
“Pillow talk? Happily! Well, spill it. Tell me about all your embarrassing habits! Pant! Pant! Pant! Pant! ”
Breathing heavily, the orc tore at my jacket.
Drain Touch!
I just needed to use my skill to render the creature powerless. I reached out from under where the orc had straddled me, but she merely batted my hand aside and seized my wrist. For good measure, she gave my palm a wet lick. As if my hair wasn’t standing up already.
Seriously, God! What do I have to do for you to forgive me?!
In a voice nearing a scream, I made a last-ditch appeal…!
“W-wait a second! Stooop! Your name! I don’t even know your name or how old you are! This might be my first time, and if I’m going to lose my virginity to you, I think—I think we should at least be introduced! My name is Kazuma Satou!”
“I’m Swatinaze, just turned sweet sixteen! Now I’ll get introduced—to your whole body! Let me meet your little man!”
“He’s very shy! In fact, I think we’ve learned plenty about each other for today! So let’s just stop n— Aaaahhh! Aqua! Aquaaa! Help meeee!”
“Kazuma, nooo!”
I was screaming like a little girl, and Aqua was just plain screaming, when—
“ Bottomless Swamp !”
I knew that voice. A series of shouts followed it. Still collapsed on the ground, I turned my head toward the shout and saw the orcs mired in a giant swamp. And behind them…
“Yunyun! It’s you! Waaaaah!”
At the sight of the Crimson Magic Clan girl, I started sobbing with relief.
“?!” The orc who had mounted me gulped. She seemed to be confused by the swamp that had suddenly appeared and swallowed her friends. She got off me, watching Yunyun closely.
I fled, by which I mean crawled, toward Yunyun, my face still wet with tears.
“Yunyun! Yunyun! Thank youuuuu!” I wept, clinging to her.
“Eep…! Mr. K-Kazuma?! It’s all right, you’re safe now, so please don’t cry… Ooh… You’re…going to get snot all over my…precious…robe…”
Yunyun seemed to feel a little awkward, but I couldn’t quite catch what she was saying. The orc never took her eyes off the wizard, except for a glance at her companions in the swamp. She seemed to want to help them but wasn’t able to make a move with Yunyun there.
Aqua came over near where I was curled up on the ground. “I’m so glad you’re safe, Kazuma… K-Kazuma?! What are you doing?”
I clung to her ankles, weeping afresh. I had never been so terrified in all my life, not even when facing down the generals of the Demon King.
“Okay, it’s all right, shh. It must have been very scary, but you’re all right now. We’ll protect you,” Aqua said, patting my head. I was kind of embarrassed to admit that she was actually making me feel better.
I glanced at the orc and saw Yunyun flare her cape dramatically (if with a hint of embarrassment). She thrust out her wand and declared:
“ My name is Yunyun, Arch-wizard and wielder of advanced magic! One of the top five wizards of the Crimson Magic Clan, and she who shall be its chief…! You orcs have made a settlement near our village. Because we are good neighbors, I will let you go this one time. Now take your friends and be gone!”
At this, the orc tore a strip from her clothes and used it as a rope to rescue her drowning companions.
“Kazuma,” Yunyun called, “now’s our chance. Let’s go!”
6
When we had gotten out of the orcs’ field and into a forest, we decided to take a little breather.
“With you along, Yunyun, none of these monsters are scary at all! We can walk all over them!” That was Aqua, just begging to trip a flag.
But I did understand how she felt. Yunyun and her advanced magic were definitely heartening.
For my part, I hadn’t left Aqua’s side since earlier. Somehow it made me feel better, being with someone I’d known for so long. My behavior seemed to perplex her, but for once she didn’t complain. I was thankful that she let me hang around her.
Really, really thankful.
It seemed like my experience with the orcs had pretty well traumatized me. I changed my ripped clothing and reequipped the items I had handed to the others. Then I turned toward my savior.
“Yunyun, thank you again. Really, you can’t imagine how grateful I am. For the rest of my life, when someone asks me, ‘Who’s your hero?’ I’ll say ‘Yunyun’ without missing a beat. That’s how grateful I am.”
“A-all right, already! It’s starting to sound like you’re making fun of me…,” Yunyun said, clearly as embarrassed as she could possibly get.
I hadn’t loosened my grip on Aqua’s feather mantle the whole time I spoke.
“By the way,” Yunyun went on, “what’s everyone doing here, anyway? Megumin, did you finally decide you were worried about the village?”
“Y-yes! My little sister! I got very worried about her. She is so quick to do very dumb things.”
“Oh—oh yeah. She loves to fight so much, even though she can’t use magic.”
Yunyun seemed to swallow this hook, line, and sinker. The rest of us, however, all had huge smirks on our faces.
“Wh-why is everyone looking at me like that?!” Megumin said, angrily turning her back on us.
I cradled a mug of coffee in my hands, sipping slowly. Bit by bit, it helped heal my heart, which had been so badly wounded by my encounter with the orcs. Wrapped in my cloak, I stared at each of my companions.
“…All four of you have such lovely faces!”
In the woods lining the road, the others froze at the sound of my voice.
“Wh-what’s going on?” Aqua said. “Kazuma is always saying and doing weird stuff, but today he seems worse than usual!”
“S-stay calm,” Darkness answered. “He’s planning something; I know it. He loves to build you up just to bring you down. Don’t act happy, or you’ll be walking right into his trap!”
Sheesh. Rude.
Megumin still had her back to us, but she glanced over her shoulder at me, working her mouth as if to say that she agreed with Darkness. And Yunyun just seemed startled, her cheeks red.
I had never felt more relieved than now, after escaping those orcs. I looked at my four traveling companions and took another breath.
“You all really are very beautiful, aren’t you?”
“ What is he doing?!” Aqua said. “Seriously, what? He’s acting super weird!”
“I told you, Aqua, stay calm. Start by casting healing magic on him!”
Darkness and Aqua were on the verge of panic, and Megumin looked like she was keeping her guard up. Way, way up.
I looked at Yunyun, beet-red and staring at the ground, and relished the joy of having escaped the orcs.
7
“Megumin, when we were in school, you were always the best in Magic Studies and had the most MP. The villagers wouldn’t stop talking about how gifted you were. Everyone expected so much of you… I hate to think what will happen when they find out you became a failure of a wizard who can only use explosive magic…”
“Hey, I shall have you cease calling me a failure of a wizard! In terms of sheer magical power, I am undoubtedly first among the Crimson Magic Clan. I am not spouting falsehoods! I shall not have you speak ill of the explosive magic to which I have dedicated nearly my entire life.”
We had broken camp and set off down the road again.
“But what good is it?! You can’t use it in a dungeon, because the whole place might come crashing down on your head. It’s great at long distances, but you can’t use it when the enemy gets close, because you might blow yourself up along with all your friends. It uses an unsustainable amount of MP—even as a high-level wizard, you can only do it once. And the one thing it has going for it, the power, is always going to be overkill! Nobody takes Explosion because it just eats up all your skill points, and for what? A gimmick!”
Yunyun and Megumin had been at it for a while. Apparently, Megumin hadn’t actually told anyone in the village that she could use only Explosion. Yunyun was trying to do damage control, but she wasn’t having much success…
Megumin turned to face her squarely. “…Oh, you have done it now, Yunyun! You have said something unforgivable. Something worse than insulting my very name!”
“I-is that how it is? Okay, you and me, right here and now. I’m done losing to you, Megumin!” Yunyun backed away from Megumin, keeping one eye on the other wizard. Megumin took a single look at her, and…!
“Kazuma. Let me tell you all of Yunyun’s dirty secrets. Did you know that we Crimson Magic Clan members are born with a tattoo on our bodies? Its exact location varies from person to person, but Yunyun’s, believe it or not, is on her—”
“Stop it! How can you say that to Mr. Kazuma?! Never mind that—how do you know where my tattoo is?! You can’t use your Explosion here, Megumin. And with no magic, I won’t have any trouble getting you good!” Almost in tears, Yunyun charged at Megumin, but Megumin easily dodged her.
“Aqua, buff me! I shall show her what it means to be gotten good!”
“Why—why, you! You’re a cheater, Megumin! You always were!”
That’s when it happened.
Perhaps drawn by the sound of the girls fighting, an unpleasantly screechy voice came through the trees.
“Hey, over here! I knew I heard people this way!”
“It looks like the enemy’s heard us!” Darkness hissed, crouching down. “Both of you be quiet now!”
“It is Yunyun’s fault! She keeps shouting! She gets angry so easily.”
“You’re one to talk, Megumin! You always just go ahead and do whatever you want without ever thinking about the consequences! Chomusuke hasn’t even been trying to come out from under your hat for I don’t know how long!”
“What was that?!”
“Will both of you please shut up?! If you keep shouting, they’ll find us! Tell them, Kazuma!”
As Megumin and Yunyun continued their argument, Darkness placed a hand on each of their heads and shoved them into the bushes. They stopped arguing but kept making angry eye movements and gestures at each other. I exclaimed:
“That doesn’t matter right now! You have to tell me where Yunyun’s tattoo is!”
“They’re here; I found them! They’re hiding over here!”
“You impossible man! You impossible, impossible man!”
8
“I found two Crimson Magic Clan members! The others look like human adventurers. Hey, over here! Get over here! Two little Crimson Magic kids! This is our chance! What a haul!”
The monster was wearing armor. It had pointed ears, reddish-brown skin, and it was slim rather than muscular. A demon. A single horn grew from its forehead, and its glittering eyes were fixed firmly on Megumin and Yunyun.
Off to its side, Aqua and Darkness stood up from where they’d been hidden in the bushes, and…!
“Huh? Are you pretending to be a low-level demon or something? You look ridiculous! What are you, a washout who couldn’t even make the bottom of the demon ranks? Whatever! Exorcism magic doesn’t even work on monsters as pitiful as you. Aren’t you lucky to be such a loser! I don’t have time to act like I care about you. Come back when you make full demon. I’ll pretend I didn’t see you here, so get. Get!”
I couldn’t tell if she was taunting it or trying to intimidate it. Either way, the demon ground its teeth at her. Darkness wordlessly stepped forward, drawing her great sword.
Given that this creature was wearing armor, it must have been part of the army of the Demon King, currently at war with the Crimson Magic Clan. We were getting close to the village, so it wasn’t surprising that we would run into the foot soldiers. This one was clutching a short spear in hand and staring at us in fury, red face growing even redder.
And then a crowd of similar creatures appeared behind it. They all carried different items, but they were clearly armed. Monster soldiers.
Hang on—this isn’t good. I mean, there were five of us and…a lot of them!
“You think you’re letting me go, huh, priest? …You’ve got two little Crimson Magic kids right there—ain’t no way we’re missing out on this! Chop ’em up, boys!”
There had to be at least twenty monsters backing him up. But Yunyun took a step forward…
“ Light of Saber !!”
As she yelled, she made a diagonal slicing motion through the air with her hand. A ray of light followed the motion. As it passed through the demons, they suddenly found parts of their bodies missing or they just collapsed right to the ground.
The demon we had been speaking to wasn’t taking this well. “S-surround them! Circle up! They can’t stop all of us at once! Everybody dogpile and get that Crimson Magic wench first!”
Darkness stepped between Yunyun and the demons who were trying to surround her to fend them off. Aqua was busy casting buffs on our Crusader.
“You have some nerve, Yunyun, referring to my magic as a gimmick! It’s been a long time since I got to show you just how powerful a gimmick can be!”
“What? Stop! You’re not going to—?!”
“ Explosion !!”
Completely ignoring the frantic Yunyun, Megumin let loose on the soldiers who were watching from a distance, catching a huge number of them in a titanic blast.
The other demons goggled as they got a close-up view of her power, trees pulled by the roots and flung around. When the dust had settled, all that was left was a massive crater.
“Did you see my most profound magical technique?! Do you still have the gall to call it a mere gimmick? What do you think, Kazuma? How many points for that explosion?!”
“Minus ninety! How stupid can you be, just up and using your magic like that?! There are still bad guys here! I can’t pick you up and run away!”
“M-Mr. Kazuma,” Yunyun said, “while you were talking, a bunch of new enemies noticed the noise and came over here!”
Despite what I’d said, I struggled to heave Megumin off the ground.
For some reason, Aqua was out front now, looking more confident than she had any right to. “What are you doing?! You actually think you can fight them?!” I shouted, using Drain Touch to transfer some MP to Megumin.
She cocked her head at me. At first I thought she was giving me a questioning look, but then I realized she just wanted to crack her neck.
She kicked the ground a few times, took a little bow, and made a fist. “Heh-heh! You know who I am. Surely, you don’t think healing magic is all I’m good for? I am the great Aqua! All my stats are maxed out! What’s a few low-level demons? I could take on that whole crowd with one hand tied behind my back. Just watch—I do have my goddess-like moments!”
…This is bad.
It was already all too obvious to me what was going to happen. I increased my MP transfer to Megumin, giving her my shoulder to lean on and standing her up.
I looked at the Demon King’s soldiers. The explosion had given them a fright, but they had pulled themselves together and were tightening their circle. At least we had Yunyun on our side, but there were just too many of them. We didn’t even know how many of them there were, and I didn’t know how well I could run with the magic-less Megumin in tow.
“Aqua, we’re getting out of here! Don’t just stand there striking stupid poses; let’s go!”
She was standing there, striking a variety of stupid poses in the direction of the enemy. I turned around, about to order a general retreat, when I heard Aqua mutter, “…Oh.”
I turned back around. In the distance, I could see even more agents of the Demon King heading our way at breakneck speed. They weren’t even carrying their weapons—they had thrown them aside so as to reach us faster.
……?!
I was just wondering who they could possibly be when…
…suddenly, four people in black robes appeared out of thin air.
No, not all of them wore robes. Two were in something like black motorcycle outfits. Some of them held short staves, and some had no weapon at all. There might have been more people hidden nearby, but I could see only the four of them. And while their weapons and clothes were mismatched, there was one thing they all had in common: their red eyes.
All four of the black-clad newcomers had deep crimson eyes, just like Megumin and Yunyun. They were from the Crimson Magic Clan.
They must have been hiding themselves with magic—that was how they’d seemed to appear from nothing. And the Demon King soldiers who were headed our way at such a fearsome pace—it wasn’t that they had noticed us and were coming to attack; they had realized the Crimson Magic people were there before the rest of us had and were trying to beat feet.
As if to prove me right, the enemy screeched to a halt, looking in confusion first at the pursuing Crimson Magic Clanners, then at the four of us. They must have decided we would be easier to handle, because they turned toward us and prepared to charge…!
But then…
“May your flesh vanish without a trace—in the dark fire born from the abyss of my heart!”
“Argh! It’s no use; I can’t hold back anymore! You shall be the sacrifices that calm the tumult of destruction within me!”
“Now sleep forever…fast in the embrace of my ice…!”
“Go into the next life. I shall not forget you… I shall carve you into the memories of my soul forevermore…!”
Those were chants of…well, not magic. They had to be catchphrases or something. The Crimson Magic wizards must have had buffs on their physical abilities, because they caught up with the soldiers in no time. Then they all began the exact same chant. One of the Demon King’s soldiers stuck out a hand…!
“P-please— Wait— Wait just a—!”
He tried to say something, but the Crimson Magic Clan people had already finished their incantation.
“ Light of Saber !”
“ Light of Saber !”
“ Saber !” “ Saber !!”
As they called out, their knife hands began to glow. They carved through the air, then thrust at the Demon King’s minions. And in the space of a moment…
All that was left on the field was a pile of bits.
Holy crap! These Crimson Magic Clanners are scary as hell!
So scary that the Demon King’s soldiers, who had vastly outnumbered them, went running for their lives. So scary that I was even a little afraid to make a smarmy remark about how all that dark-fire and icy-embrace stuff ended up seeming kind of irrelevant.
Then one of the Crimson Magic Clan people looked at me. It was the man who had mentioned flesh vanishing without a trace. “We followed the Demon King’s strike team here when we heard the rumbling from that explosion,” he said. “But to think we would find you, Megumin and Yunyun! What are you doing here?” His tone was weirdly conversational.
Megumin responded in kind, getting unsteadily to her feet. “If it is not Bukkororii, the cobbler’s son. It’s been a long time. We heard the village was in trouble and came rushing back.”
“Trouble?” Bukkororii said, giving Megumin a puzzled look.
…Huh?
I noticed the other Crimson Magic Clan people were looking at me with interest. Then the man called Bukkororii said, “Megumin, are these your adventuring companions?”
Megumin nodded, looking more than a little pleased. This brought a stern frown to Bukkororii’s face, and he gave a dramatic flourish of his robe.
“My name is Bukkororii! First among the cobblers’ sons of the Crimson Magic Clan! Arch-wizard and wielder of advanced magic…!”
Well, that self-introduction certainly came out of left field.
In the old days, this might have been where I would have tuned out, but my experience with Megumin and Yunyun had given me a bit of tolerance for these things.
“A pleasure to meet you,” I replied, striking a genial tone somewhat like Bukkororii’s. “My name is Kazuma Satou. Learner of many skills in Axel Town and occasional opponent of the Demon King’s generals.”
““““Oooooh!””””
All four of the Crimson Magic Clan wizards seemed duly impressed.
“Wonderful, absolutely wonderful!” Bukkororii exclaimed. “Most people have the strangest reactions when they hear our Crimson Magic names, but you…! To think that an outsider should answer us in kind!” The others nodded emphatically.
“…Kazuma, you seem to get along awfully well with Bukkororii and the others. I wish you had responded so readily when I introduced myself!” There was something strange in Megumin’s voice, and I wasn’t sure how I should respond. Normally, I might think it was a hint of jealousy, or maybe nervous excitement. But given that I was talking to an older guy, I couldn’t imagine what she was jealous of.
…But Crimson Magic Clan people could be sensitive. Maybe I had touched a nerve.
What was going on? She wasn’t jealous, but I didn’t think she was especially happy, either. It was hardly as if we were about to break out into a romantic comedy or something.
As I was still trying to puzzle this out…
“My name is Aqua! Venerated being and she who shall finally destroy the Demon King! And my true identity is the goddess of water!”
…Aqua suddenly launched into a totally uninvited self-introduction. She seemed to have taken to Crimson Magic Clan ways very quickly.
““““Oh, really? Good for you.””””
“Hey, what gives? Why does everyone always do this to me?!”
Ignoring Aqua and her whining, the Crimson Magic Clan people looked expectantly at Darkness. She said falteringly:
“M-my name is L-Lalatina…F-Ford…Dusti…ne…ss…of Axel Town, and… Nnngh…”
Despite her obvious desire to please, being the center of attention slowly sapped her ability to speak.
Don’t hurt yourself.
As Darkness stood with tears of embarrassment beading in her eyes, turning red and muttering to herself, Bukkororii smiled widely and began to chant a spell in a loud voice.
“Lovely friends you have, Megumin,” he said. “We’re still a ways from the village. Come, outsiders, we will guide you. Let’s go by Teleport!” And then he intoned the spell.
I suddenly found my vision warping and dizziness assailing me as the scenery changed in the blink of an eye.
We found ourselves in a tiny hamlet, the very definition of idyllic . As the rest of us took it in, dumbstruck, Bukkororii gave us another broad grin.
“Welcome, outsiders, to Crimson Magic Village. And to Megumin and Yunyun—welcome home!”
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