Chapter 4
May I Have a Just Cause for This Sleepless Night!
1
The next morning…
We saw Megumin’s parents off to work and then had our breakfast. We were lounging around in the living room when Aqua turned to Megumin, who had come back from Yunyun’s house, and said, “Megumin, Megumin! Since we’re here, I want to do some sightseeing around the village.”
“Sightseeing? You know this place is under assault by the Demon King, right?” I said in annoyance. Given the way the Crimson Magic Clan forces had walked all over the Demon King’s army the day before, maybe it shouldn’t have surprised me that Aqua would come up with the idea.
“Fine by me,” Megumin said. “Since the village doesn’t seem to be having any trouble, we could also just teleport back to Axel—but if you want to tour a bit, we could hang around here today and then go back tomorrow.”
If that was how our resident Crimson Magic Clanner felt…
“Oh, hey, there’s someone around here who can teleport back to Axel?” I asked. “Great, that’ll make our trip home easier.” Especially for me. This meant we wouldn’t have to go back through the orcs’ territory.
“You sound awfully happy, Cad-zuma ,” Aqua said. “All right, then. I’m going to have Megumin show me around. What does everyone else want to do?”
“Not a bad idea. I’m free; maybe I’ll go with— Wait, what did you just call me?” I turned to Aqua, but she only gave me a puzzled look.
“Did I say something unusual?”
“N-no… Must’ve been my imagination… I guess…? Never mind. What about you, Darkness?”
She looked up from where she was making some repairs to her armor, but she didn’t bite. “There’s somewhere I’d like to go. A very skilled smith lives in this village. As a lover of fine armor, I want to pay him a visit. You have fun sightseeing, Trash-zuma .”
“Okay, gotch— …What did you just say?”
“Just Aqua and Ka-sleaze-ma , then. This village has lots of interesting things to see, so you’ll never get b—”
“Wait just one darn second!” I bellowed.
Aqua gave me another perplexed stare. “What’s wrong, Cad-zuma ? Upset your little trick on Megumin last night didn’t work out?”
Apparently, the others had already found out what had happened the night before. I put my hands together in front of my face, bowing my head deeply. “I’m very sorry… !!”
But hey, I was a healthy young man—how was I supposed to resist in a situation like that? I mean, with a young woman in bed next to you, it would practically be rude not to do something, right? I explained all this to them as fervently as I could, but…
“I think you could do with another orc attack.”
Megumin looked at me like garbage she was ready to throw out.
2
Some time later, after copious treats at the only café in town, Megumin was finally ready to be civil to me again. She brought me to one place in particular…
“The hell?”
Such was my first impression.
She had taken us to what seemed to be a shrine. “This is the guardian deity of this village,” she said. I took a close look at it.
“This is a cat girl in a swimsuit.”
The object of local veneration, housed deep in the shrine, was a figurine of a cute girl.
“Long ago,” Megumin said, “one of our ancestors allegedly saved a traveler who was being attacked by a monster. In gratitude, the traveler gave him this and said, ‘This is a god to me, more precious than my own life.’ No one knows what god it is, but we venerate it like this just in case it helps at all. The traveler also supposedly told our ancestor how to build the shrine.”
That traveler had to be Japanese. No question.
“Hey, Kazuma, it kind of ticks me off to see people worship a figurine the same way they’re supposed to worship me.”
“You’re the one who sent him here with this thing. You owe the Crimson Magic Clan an apology.”
Our reactions mystified Megumin. The next place she took us was…
“This is a holy blade said to bestow great power upon the one who draws it out.”
“Now, that’s more like it! I knew Crimson Magic Village must have some awesome stuff!”
She brought us to a stone with a sword stuck in it. And the chosen one who pulled it out would gain the legendary power of—yadda, yadda, yadda. You saw this sort of thing in games all the time.
“Hey,” I said excitedly, “can I try?”
“Sure, if you want, but it’ll be a while before it’s possible,” Megumin said. “Plus you have to pay a fee to the blacksmith if you want to try, and you only get one attempt, anyway. You should probably wait.”
It’ll be a while? Pay a fee to the blacksmith…?
“Oh, I get it. You mean it’ll be a while until the seal weakens, allowing the chosen one to pull it out…”
“That sword is a holy blade our blacksmith made to bring in tourists. The magic that keeps it stuck in there will only break when the ten thousandth person tries to pull it out. So far we’ve only had about a hundred challengers. The smith made it roughly four years ago.”
“Hasn’t had very long to build up its legend, huh?” I said dispiritedly. Aqua went to take a look at the sword.
“Hey, I think I could break this seal with my magic. Can I take this home with us?”
“P-please don’t. Our town needs all the tourist attractions it can get.”
Megumin took us to a small pond shaded by trees.
“This is the Wishing Pond. There is a legend about it. It is said that if you make an offering of an ax or a coin, you can summon the goddess of gold and silver or something. Apparently, even today, people occasionally toss in axes or coins on account of this legend.”
As legends went, that one sounded awfully familiar…
“We don’t have the faintest idea who started the story, but if our kindly blacksmith didn’t routinely dredge the pond, it would be a pile of metal by now.”
“…Just out of curiosity,” I said, “what does the kindly blacksmith do with all the coins and metal he salvages?”
“He recycles them into weapons and armor, of course.”
I had a pretty good sense that I could finger the perp on that rumor.
“Now for our next tourist trap… Huh? Where is Aqua?”
Now that Megumin mentioned it, I didn’t see her anywhere. Then, just as I thought I saw ripples on the surface of the Wishing Pond…
“…I take my eyes off you for one second, and look what you do!”
Our self-proclaimed goddess’s eyes were just above the waterline. She must have dived in when I wasn’t looking.
“Well, Megumin said there were coins down here, so I thought I’d have a look… Hey, when tourist season comes around, you could hire me as your temp pond goddess.”
“Fine, I’m going to fling an ax at you. See if you can turn it into gold.” I looked around for something to throw, but Aqua just splashed some water at me.
“Come on, you two—stop playing around. Let’s move on!”
The next thing Megumin showed us was a totally normal-looking underground entrance. It seemed a lot like the entrance to a nuclear shelter…
“This is an underground facility that is home to a weapon that could very well destroy the world. When did this facility get here? No one knows… It’s said to have been made at the same time as that mystery building over there…”
Megumin pointed to a huge structure of some sort. It was an enigma, all right… I wondered what it was. It seemed to be made of concrete.
“What’s the mystery building?” I asked. “What’s it used for?”
“It is indeed a mystery. What is it for? Who built it, and why? And when? All mysteries. Looking around inside didn’t give us any clues, so we call it the mystery building.”
What was it with this village?
“A weapon that might destroy the world, huh…? Could be serious trouble. But I guess the Crimson Magic Clan is made up of expert wizards. Any seal they put on it wouldn’t be easy to break. There’s probably no safer place for it,” I muttered.
“Hey, Megumin, don’t you have anything more, like, awesome sitting around here?” Aqua asked.
“You are just a bit too late. We used to have ‘The Tomb of the Sealed Evil Spirit’ and ‘The Place with the Sealed Unknown Goddess,’ but with this and that, the seals broke—you know how these things are—and…”
“The seals around here aren’t worth squat, are they?! Is this world-destroying weapon really safe?!”
“Y-yes, it’s fine. The seal on that building is a riddle written in ancient letters no one can read anymore, and you have to enter the answer in order to break it… D-don’t look at me like that! I swear, it’s okay!”
Megumin said there was somewhere she wanted to stop by and led us to a particular store. It appeared to be a clothing shop. The sign had some old clothes drawn on it, and through the glass door I could see a shop owner wearing a black robe and a baleful look. The owner glanced at us as we entered.
“Welcome to— Megumin. Hmm? Could those be out-of-towners you have with you?” He fixed us with an intense gaze. Aqua quailed under his stare and tried to hide behind me.
Wh-what was going on? Had we done something wrong? Maybe this guy had a bias against strangers or something. As my heart pounded, Megumin simply nodded.
This caused the proprietor to jump up, giving the cape he wore with his robe an impressively capable flourish despite the tight confines of the store.
“My name is Cheekera! Arch-wizard and wielder of advanced magic. First among the clothing-store proprietors of the Crimson Magic Clan!”
Apparently, there was a certain etiquette to introducing yourself here. After he had made this solemn pronouncement, the shopkeeper gave a satisfied smile.
“Again, welcome! My, but it’s been a long time since we had travelers in here! How long has it been since I got to proclaim my name? Ah, that was invigorating. Thank you.”
…They find that invigorating?
“My name is Kazuma Satou… So you’re first among the clothing-store proprietors of the Crimson Magic Clan, huh? That’s pretty neat.”
The owner seemed to like this, because his grin grew even broader. “Indeed! Granted, this is the only one in the village.”
“Are you kidding?” I spat out instinctively.
“There aren’t that many stores around here to begin with, you see,” he said. “I run the sole clothing store, and there’s only one place to buy shoes. None of the other shops have any competition, either.”
I thought I recalled Bukkororii saying he was the son of the foremost cobbler of the Crimson Magic Clan or something. Megumin saw me wrinkling my nose and looked away uncomfortably.
“Well, that aside, what brings you here today? Something you need?” Cheekera said.
“I’d like to change to a new robe,” Megumin said. “Do you have any just like this? I got it from Yunyun a long time ago, but it’s annoying to have only one.”
At that, the proprietor took a careful look at his own outfit.
“A robe like that? I happen to have some, freshly dyed.” He led us out to where the robes were drying on a pole. There were several that looked like the one Megumin was wearing.
“All right,” she said. “Give me all of them.”
“All of them? Ho-ho. I see your tastes have gotten more bourgeois, Megumin… Met some success as an adventurer, have you?”
“Well, do not be surprised if you start hearing my name around the village pretty soon. Anyway, this robe is rather my trademark, and I wouldn’t want a bunch of people to run around wearing it… Hence, my soon-to-be-rich friend, Kazuma, kindly make with the cash.”
“Y-you little… Hmm. I guess there’s no telling when we’ll be back here. Fine.”
The shopkeeper, giddy with the thought of selling all his stock in one fell swoop, started gathering the robes off the drying pole. Now that I saw the simple rack more clearly, I couldn’t keep myself from saying, “Hey…”
“…? Yes?” Megumin gave me a look as if to ask what was wrong with the apparatus.
“Are you—? I mean— What the heck is this thing you’re using to dry those robes?”
“Ah, my dear customer, do you know what this is? This is a drying pole passed down in my family for generations. A precious thing that never rusts.”
So the proprietor smilingly informed us…but when Aqua saw it, she said with great interest, “This is obviously a rifle.”
And so it was. An imposing long-barreled rifle—just about the size of a drying rack, for which it was being used. I guess no one here would take it for a weapon.
Wait, though. The “deity” at the cat-ear shrine, this rifle, that concrete mystery building… Just what was going on in this village?
3
We left the store and wandered around the village some more, until we finally ended up resting amid the brush on a small hill.
“What a great view,” Aqua said. “I should have packed lunches for us.”
“If you want to drink in the scenery, there is an observatory on top of that mountain,” Megumin said. “There is a magical item there capable of allowing one to see things that are extremely far away, so that we can peek into the Demon King’s castle at any time. I am told the bedroom of His Majesty’s daughter is a popular object of observation.”
“You people really are good-for-nothing! You’re even trying to make money off the Demon King’s castle?”
“Hey, Megumin,” Aqua called from where she’d sprawled in the grass. “This is nice and all, but you said you would take me somewhere with some ambience.”
“There is ambience here! This is called ‘the Devil’s Hill.’ Couples who swear their love to each other here are subject to the devil’s curse and shall never break up for all eternity. It’s a romantic tourist spot and very popular with lovers…”
“What in the hell is romantic about that?!” I demanded. “More like terrifying! Oppressive! …Hey, what’s that?”
From the hilltop, you could see the whole village clearly. And over by the entrance, a little to the side—just past the wooden fence next to Megumin’s house, a dark shape was moving. I activated my Second Sight skill to get a better look, and…
“Whoa! Megumin, the Demon King’s people are over there! Aren’t they awfully close to your house?!”
Megumin’s house was in a corner of the village, a little removed from the other residences. And just beyond the wooden fence there, a group that looked suspiciously like part of the Demon King’s army was assembling. There was no warning announcement, which probably meant the Crimson Magic Clan hadn’t noticed them yet.
“Where, where? They certainly are persistent, aren’t they? To come right back after we beat them so soundly… I wonder what their objective is. From the way they’re sneaking around, I doubt they want to attack people. Maybe they’re trying to get to one of the buildings in the village.”
One of the buildings…?
“Didn’t you mention a tomb with a dark god sealed up in it or something? That sounds like the sort of thing the Demon King would be interested in. But you said the seal was already broken, right?”
“Unfortunately, yes. So I can’t imagine what they would be after in our— Wait! Could they be trying to get to the deity in Cat-ears Shrine…?!”
“If that thing is really the Demon King’s highest goal in life, then he and his army and this village can all just go to hell together.”
But in that case, what did they want?
“What about that potentially world-destroying weapon?” I suggested.
“I doubt it. Unlike the other buildings, that one has a special seal, and anyway, nobody knows how the weapon is supposed to work.”
Why did they even have something like that around here?
“Whatever. Nobody seems to know they’re there. At this rate, they’ll get into the village! We have to go warn everyone!”
“That’s Kazuma for you,” Aqua said. “Always big and brave, as long as there’s someone else around to do the fighting.”
I don’t care. She can say whatever she wants!
4
We gathered everyone we met in the street and brought them back to Megumin’s house. But there, we heard…
“What’s this girl doing?! Where’d she even come from? What does she even want?!”
“Lady Sylvia! This woman won’t go for help, and she doesn’t have any powerful attacks—I don’t know why she’s even here. It may be a trap. Please stay back!”
The forces of the Demon King had broken through the fence, but now Darkness and her great sword confronted them.
“So long as I have sight in my eyes, you shall not pass!” she shouted. “If you want to get through here, you’ll have to do it over my dead body—but I won’t lose to the likes of you, so you are out of luck!”
“What a pain in the butt this girl is. No attacks but hard as a rock! She oughta just give up and run away! Lady Sylvia, let’s forget about this freak and just do what we came here for!”
Apparently, Darkness had gotten home before us, had heard the enemy breaking in, and had been trying to buy us time. Stymied by Dark ness, the Demon King’s forces had breached the fence but couldn’t get into the village. I wouldn’t have expected Darkness to do something like that, and I had to admit with a touch of admiration that she had actually grown up a little.
“Way to hold them off, Darkness! We’re here to help you!”
“K-Kazuma?! Aww, you’re here already…?” She sounded downright disappointed.
More fool me for being impressed.
“First the orcs turn out to all be female, and then the general of the Demon King around here is a woman, too!” she shouted. “All right, you! If you’re really minions of the Demon King, then prove it! Overpower me! Make me call you Master or something!”
“Hey, quit while you’re ahead,” I shouted. “You almost looked really cool for a second there.”
The Demon King types facing down Darkness paled when they caught sight of the crowd of Crimson Magic Clan members I’d brought along. Suddenly, their general—Sylvia, was it?—came out in front, as if to cover them.
“Impressive… You deliberately bungled your attacks, making us think you weren’t a threat—and all the time you were just waiting for your friends to get here. Judging by the defense and endurance you’ve showed so far, you must be a pretty high-level Crusader… Was your total inability to hit any of my subordinates just another ploy to keep me from guessing your true strength? If we had realized how high your level was, we would’ve retreated a long time ago… Nice work.”
“…Uh…yeah. I—I guess you sure…figured me out…”
Our little princess, trying to play off the enemy’s mistake despite being a terrible liar, kept glancing to me for help. I had a whole squad of powerful Crimson Magic types behind me. Well, if they’d misread Darkness, maybe I could press home our advantage.
“Sylvia, right? That Crusader there is my comrade. She’s an animal—she even withstood a massive explosion in our battle with Vanir. For you to grasp her true power in such a short time—well, I have to say, I’m impressed…”
“Megumin, why is Kazuma saying all that weird stuff?”
“Shh! It seems interesting. Let’s see where this goes. Maybe he’ll talk about us, too.”
Beside me, Aqua and Megumin were whispering to each other.
Okay. Far be it from me to disappoint Megumin.
A shocked look came over Sylvia’s face. “…Vanir? I’d heard he went to Axel Town and never came back. So you —?!” The Demon King’s forces took a step back.
“Yup. Megumin here struck the final blow.” That did more than startle Sylvia. It even set the Crimson Magic Clan people abuzz. Megumin got a little smirk on her face.
“That’s not all,” I went on. “The Dullahan Beldia. The Deadly Poison Slime Hans. Even that infamous bounty Mobile Fortress Destroyer…! We did ’em all in!”
“Y-you did what?! …I’d heard Beldia had been taken down, but Hans? When—? But I guess his regular reports from Arcanletia did dry up not long ago, so it’s probably true…!”
This village was just a few days distant from Arcanletia. It made sense that they would be in touch with each other. Now that she sensed some credibility in my words, Sylvia began gnawing fretfully on her lip.
“…You seem to be the leader of your party. Perhaps you could tell me your name.”
M-my name, huh? I definitely did not need the Demon King’s army learning my name. I could only assume there would be wanted posters out as soon as they could draw them up.
“…My name is Kyouya Mitsurugi! Remember it well.”
“Mitsurugi! …Yes, that makes sense. Mitsurugi, wielder of the magic blade. I’ve heard of you. You do have a rather odd sword with you. I suppose you must be him. Although I had always heard him described as an exceedingly handsome lady-killer, whereas you… To be fair, you’re about my type… But with you here on top of these Crimson Magic types, I could be in real trouble. I don’t expect you could find a way to let me escape for today?”
How polite of Sylvia to let herself be fooled by my sword into thinking it was Gram—Mitsurugi’s weapon. As for Mitsurugi, I figured he could handle a wanted poster or two. Heck, apparently the Demon King’s army already knew him by name.
“…He just can’t come through when it counts, can he? And then he pretends to be someone else!”
“I guess he got a bit too full of himself with all these Crimson Magic people here. I’m a little worried…”
Stupid peanut gallery.
“I take your point,” I said. “I’m sure we could finish off the lot of you right here, but then it might look like I only beat you because I had the Crimson Magic Clan behind me. And how would that burnish my legend? You may begone for today… That is, if my Crimson Magic friends agree?”
I gave a bold smile, and…
“Thank you kindly, Mitsurugi—catch you next time! Then we’ll settle this! My name’s Sylvia—general of the Demon King! Okay, everyone—retreat!”
The Crimson Magic Clan people went flying after her:
“Don’t let her get away! Lightning Strike !”
“ Light of Saber !!”
“Let’s catch her and use her for our magical experiments!”
I watched Sylvia and her minions as they disappeared into the distance, and then I gave a deep and profoundly emotional sigh.
“The Demon King’s general Sylvia, huh…?”
“Hey, Kazuma,” Darkness snapped, “how long are you going to keep up that stupid act?”
5
“This is one awesome lady! Arrows, magic spells—they just bounced off her!”
That evening…
We were back at Megumin’s house, where we planned to spend another night. Dinner was over, and everyone was singing Darkness’s praises for her work that day.
“A-aww, it was… Any Crusader could have…” Darkness was not used to this kind of adulation. She was sitting stiffly in a formal posture in the living room, accepting Komekko’s comments with a show of intense embarrassment.
“We heard all about what you did, Miss Darkness—how you stopped Sylvia from getting into the village. What a brave and stalwart party! It gives us that much more confidence in entrusting our daughter to our dear Kazuma. Speaking of which, about the room assignments for tonight…”
Yuiyui sidled up to me as she spoke. But something was bothering me.
“Um, where’s Mr. Hyoizaburou?”
“Oh, hubby said he had lots of work to do, so he was going to sleep in his workshop,” she said easily. “Now I’ll go get the bath ready.” And then, in a flash, she was gone.
The way I remembered it, at dinner Hyoizaburou had said, “I’m worried about our daughter. I’ll sleep with our guest Kazuma tonight.”
…Was Mom at it again?
“In any event,” Megumin said, “that little speech you gave was pretty cool, Kazuma. Next time we really will settle the score with Sylvia!”
“Yeah,” Darkness said. “Actually, I visited the smith today—he’s pretty talented—and I asked him to make me a new type of armor that he said is in vogue right now. It should be ready in a few days. Ooh. I’m looking forward to my armor and our battle with Sylvia…!” Both girls had their fists clenched.
To which I bluntly replied, “Don’t be dumb. We’re going home tomorrow, remember? We’ve seen all the sights and everything—there’s absolutely nothing left for us in this village. Let’s take off first thing in the morning. I can’t wait to lounge around the house.”
““Whaaaat?!””
Both Megumin and Darkness seemed surprised by this. Aqua, who was drinking wine and popping peas into her mouth, said, “After all that badass talk, you’re just gonna run away? After she specifically said you would meet again?”
“Look, I admit I’m a little loathe to leave behind such a hot general, but we need to think of our personal safety here. A nice, cushy NEET lifestyle is waiting for us at home. Why would we go out of our way to stay here and tangle with a general of the Demon King?”
“Why— Why, you! You mean all that cool talk was only posturing?!”
“You had such a dramatic exit—and you’re just going to go home?! That’s ridiculous, even for you!”
“Are you kidding?” I said to them. “I took a stab at acting cool exactly because I knew we were going home tomorrow. I knew we wouldn’t see her again. Why the hell else would I antagonize a general of the Demon King like that? I was in this nice, safe village with a whole squad of Crimson Magic people at my back. How else could I have done that?”
“This man is the worst! He is irredeemable!”
“You! Can you live with yourself as a human being?!”
Megumin and Darkness flung insults at me, but I just blocked my ears and ignored them.
“Everyone, the bath is ready,” Yuiyui said, coming back in. “Oh… What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I said. “Hey, I call first bath.”
“Hey! Don’t you dare try to run!”
“This isn’t over!”
The girls continued their abuse as I hightailed it to the tub.
When I got back to the living room after my bath, feeling refreshed, Aqua was making her way to her assigned room, looking almost as invigorated as I felt.
“Huh? Why do you look like you just got out of the bath?”
“I went to the one outside. They told me there was a bath right nearby—the one with the big sign that says Mixed Bath .”
Wait a second, I hadn’t heard about anything like that. And here we were going home tomorrow! What should I do? I was just wondering if I should delay our departure for another day, when…
“Megumin, where do you think you’re going at this hour?! I won’t allow a girl of your age to stay out all night! And you just came back this morning!”
“This house is the most dangerous place in the village for a girl my age! And anyway, you’re just going to try to make me sleep with Kazuma again, aren’t you?”
“Oh, Kazuma is a good match. Trust your mother. He’ll be everything we hope for…”
“How blind must you be?! Wait. You do know what he’s like, and you still— Oh, he’ll be everything you hope for, won’t he!”
I heard the dulcet tones of Megumin and her mother shouting at each other in the doorway.
“I don’t know what’s going on with them,” Aqua said, “but I’m heading to bed. Seems like Darkness conked out after she got back from the bath, too.” She gave a tired little yawn—maybe the wine had gotten to her—and retreated to her room.
I looked and saw Darkness, who had indeed fallen asleep in a somewhat unnatural position. This was definitely Yuiyui’s work…
“This discussion is over! I’m going to Yunyun’s house!”
“You’ll never walk out that door! Ankle Snare !”
“Wh-what?! You would use magic on your own daughter?! And you call yourself my moth—”
“ Sleep !”
A dull thud accompanied her voice. Yuiyui turned to me, all smiles.
“I’m very sorry, Kazuma, but my daughter seems to have fallen asleep in a most unusual place… Do you think you could help me carry her to her room?”
6
Oh man, what am I gonna do?
Seriously, this was getting out of hand. Next to me, Megumin was breathing evenly.
“Hey, Megumin. You’re just pretending to sleep, right? I know you’re awake.”
There was no answer. Not that I expected any.
After everything that had happened the night before, I thought— maybe I should just go with it. I’d always been the kind of guy to just let circumstances sweep me along. I was already here; maybe I should just keep going.
I thought back to the time at our camp when Megumin had held my hand. As I listened to her breathe deeply in sleep, I gently took her hand under the covers. It felt cool and pleasant.
…I stopped and thought. If I went any further now, I would just be a common criminal. What I needed was a legitimate excuse for snuggling up to Megumin under the covers.
…A light bulb went on in my head.
The night before, when Megumin had woken up, I had explained that I was in the bed because it was cold. Well, I just needed to make it more than an excuse. I needed to bring the room to a temperature that would be unbearable outside our blanket. And I knew just how to do it.
Yes. Although I hadn’t known it at the time, it was probably for this very moment that I had acquired this power. Still holding on to Megumin with my right hand, I popped my head and my left hand out from between the sheets and chanted some magic at the room’s window.
“ Freeze !”
I put my whole heart, and most of my MP, into the spell. It easily froze the surface of the window, creating a sheet of ice several inches thick. The temperature in the room immediately took a nosedive.
Yes! Perfect!
With the window frozen shut, Megumin couldn’t escape through it like she had the night before. My plan was flawless. Sometimes I impressed even myself.
As I lay there, silently elated—
“…Hmm…?” Megumin stirred, maybe disturbed by the noise of my incantation.
“Morning. Did you sleep well?”
“…Good morning. Huh? Is this my room?” Her hand still in mine, Megumin looked around, still half-asleep.
Then she realized we were holding hands.
“—!! You’ve finally done it! You finally crossed the uncrossable line! Animal! Kazuma, you beast! I always thought you were a milquetoast who, though you might dabble in light sexual harassment, would never cross that final line even if you wanted to—but I see now!”
She practically flew out of the bed, ranting at me with tears forming in her eyes.
“Now, just a minute! I haven’t done anything! Don’t you think you’re making a big deal over a little hand-holding? Look around—it’s even colder than it was last night! I must have instinctively taken your hand so I wouldn’t freeze to death!”
It was only then that Megumin seemed to notice how chilly it was in the room and started shivering. Then, after a cursory investigation of her own body, her face turned red.
“T-truly? That is, given what happened yesterday, I can’t say I’m quick to believe you.”
“Idiot. You know how long it’s been since your mom dropped you with that Sleep spell? And I’ve completely behaved myself the entire time.”
“H-have you really? I apologize, Kazuma, this was my misunderstanding. I should have realized. If you had the nerve to cross that line, you would have been all over Darkness long ago, as we have had so many party betting pools on… I’m sorry. It was rude of me to judge you like that.” She was wreathed in a moonlight halo as she apologized.
“It— It’s fine. But you know, you could do with thanking me one of these days. I mean, how often have I saved your skins even though it always just gets me in trouble?”
I was going to continue, So this is the least you can do . But when I looked at Megumin’s face in the light of the moon, somehow the words wouldn’t quite come out.
“…Thanking you? Yes, I suppose so.”
Normally, when Megumin looked at me, it was with anger, or annoyance, or even pity. But right now, she wore an expression I rarely saw from her: the genuine smile of a fourteen-year-old girl.
H-huh?
Confronted with that smile, I suddenly felt an anxious twisting in my stomach.
“…Thank you for taking in a wizard who could only use Explosion and had nowhere to go in Axel Town back then. Thank you for always carrying me home when I use up all my magic and can’t move. Thank you for letting me stay with the party, no matter how much trouble I cause.”
Megumin was usually so prickly and confrontational. But suddenly she was pouring her heart out to me. Her skin, pale against her black hair, had flushed just a little red. Her crimson eyes—the source of her clan’s name—shimmered, giving her a real air of the magical.
Seeing me flounder, she teased, “What’s wrong? I just thanked you. You asked me to—and now you’re getting all embarrassed?”
I was wondering the same thing. I actually found myself feeling extremely awkward. After the way she normally treated me, for her to suddenly offer such gratitude like this—well, I wasn’t quite sure how to take it.
Despite my internal confusion, I said, “…Y-yeah, you’re right. Y-you know, I—I mean, we give each other a lot of grief, but you guys help me out an awful lot, too. To put it in Crimson Magic speak, I guess… My name is Kazuma Satou. First among the weakest class in Axel and always getting in trouble. And one who will soon have a bunch of money, and then plans to live a fun and weird life with you guys… S-so…I hope you’ll hang in there with me.”
Megumin giggled at the way I started to get embarrassed about halfway through, but she said, “And I hope you’ll stick with us… Incidentally, it really is exceptionally cold tonight. Well, I guess the wind does come in through the cracks in an old house like this. You… You really won’t do anything, will you? It’s cold, and I’d like to get back in bed.” Still a little red, Megumin nestled under the covers.
What with the feeling in the air, this gave me a fresh bout of anxiety. Well, it is awfully cold. Guess there’s nothing else to—
…That was when I remembered the iced-over window.
How would I explain it if she noticed? I had suddenly and finally managed to raise my stock around here. If she saw that window, it would tumble right back down. What the hell was wrong with me? Why had I done something so impetuous and stupid? I’d gotten a little desperate.
As I lay there worrying about all this, Megumin cuddled right up to me. Much closer than when she’d just been lying there before.
“…M-Megumin, y-you’re kind of in my personal space…”
Now I was anxious for a totally different reason than before, but Megumin said, “You’re always more than happy to sexually harass me, but I snuggle up to you and you get a yellow belly? Anyway, you already said you wouldn’t do anything, right? So what’s the problem?”
Of course. No problem.
No problem at all.
But after that conversation, right when she seemed to trust me so much—if she saw the frozen window after all that, I had a feeling it was going to earn me more than a little name-calling.
While I was still thinking about this, I felt something chilly around my right hand. This time it was Megumin who had taken my hand in hers.
“…H-hey. Should a girl your age really be, you know—so aggressive? It’s just like back at our camp. You suddenly do something like that, and my heart starts pounding… You know, I heard Darkness saying to your parents yesterday that putting you in a room with me was like putting a little lamb in a cage with a starving animal.” I found myself sweating despite the freezing temperature. My voice had jumped an octave with nervousness.
Megumin exhaled. “Darkness said that? But she told me that you were a timid little rabbit who would just try to joke his way out of any situation when the opportunity really came up.”
That bitch!
“Hey,” I said, “what do you and Darkness usually talk about when you’re together? I promise I won’t get angry.” Megumin appeared a little bit ill at ease, then pointedly looked away from me. “…Come on. I know it’s got to be all no-good stuff.”
“That’s between us. A-anyway, let’s get to sleep. We’re going back to Axel tomorrow, right? We should get home early so we can take it easy.”
Look at her trying to weasel out of this.
…Then Megumin, who had been so happy to burrow under the covers, said with a touch of embarrassment, “…I need to use the toilet,” and climbed back out of bed.
…Hang on.
“Your mom magically locked us in again tonight, so—”
—we can’t get to the bathroom , I was about to say, but Megumin gave a tired smile.
And then…
“That mother of mine. Oh well. I’ll just go out the window agai—”
…she looked at the window and stiffened.
I covered my ears and buried myself in the blanket in a fetal position. Yes. This moment called for my Ambush skill.
Megumin, meanwhile, was looking blankly at the window.
“…Kazuma, what in the world happened here?”
“…General Winter went by earlier. Froze it right shut.”
Megumin ripped off the covers I was trying to hide under. “What is the meaning of this, Kazuma?! You did this, didn’t you? I know you did it, but I cannot imagine why! Why would you freeze my window?!”
Yow, was it cold without that blanket!
Still curled up, I tried not to look at Megumin.
“…If I tell you, will you promise not to get mad?”
“Explain yourself, or the ice on this window will seem warm compared to the frosty looks everyone will be giving you tomorrow morning!”
I confessed everything.
“…Kazuma, are you a complete moron? I can never tell if you are brilliant or an utter idiot. I take back all the gratitude I gave you earlier.”
“There’s nothing I can say. I have no idea why I did something so stupid, especially after yesterday.”
Maybe all this travel was messing with my brain. Megumin gave the ice on the window a tap. I had put everything I had into that Freeze spell; it was too thick to break through with a little smack.
Instead, Megumin walked over to the door. “Unlock this at once!” she shouted, pounding on it. “Come on, open—! Mom! Mooooom!” But other than Megumin’s yelling, the house was dead silent. There was no hint of anyone waking up.
Shivering, I pulled the covers back over myself. “Give it up. It’s freezing. Let’s go to sleep. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything—trust me. And if you really can’t wait to go to the bathroom, there’s an empty bottle over there. ”
“What is it with you and offering me empty bottles?!” Megumin demanded, squirming. “And I might have trusted you up until a few minutes ago, but now I think you really are dangerous! Argh…!”
Man, what happened to those good vibes?
“Look, I’m sorry, my bad. I won’t do anything! I was kind of confused when I froze that window shut, but I see how stupid it was now. I’m sorry,” I said.
“At least get out of bed to say it,” Megumin said in a defeated tone. Maybe the cold had finally gotten the better of her, because she crawled back under the covers.
“Whoo!”
Megumin interrupted my celebration. “Kazuma. This will come back to haunt you tomorrow morning.” Her crimson eyes sparkled dangerously.
Well, a great man of the past said, “ Don’t worry about tomorrow until tomorrow .” That was sage advice. Megumin had taken my hand earlier, but now she lay as far away on the bed as she could and turned her back to me. We looked like a husband and wife going through a rough patch.
“…Hey. Aren’t you cold? I sure am. Come closer.”
“…Geez. It was so nice earlier. I wish we could go back to that.” Megumin sighed.
As quietly as I could, I intoned, “ Freeze .”
“Did you just say you were cold and then use ice magic?! Just how desperate are you to sleep next to me?” She sounded both frustrated and angry. “ Sigh… There’s only one pillow. You use it, Kazuma. But in exchange, I will borrow your arm.” And then she slid up next to me.
“H-hey, after all that, you just glom on to me? I’m not— This isn’t easy for me, either, you know.”
Megumin, the covers pulled up almost over her head, buried her face in my chest. “I think I’ll tell Darkness that you really are a timid little rabbit who tries to joke his way out of any situation when the opportunity comes up ,” she said, giggling.
…What?
Did this mean Megumin wasn’t as upset as she let on…?
I knew it! It’s finally my moment to be popular with the—!
And just as I was starting to get excited, my thin hopes were firmly shattered.
“The Demon King’s forces are attacking! The Demon King’s forces are attacking!! Elements of his army may have already infiltrated the village!”
…Ain’t that just my luck.
7
The commotion, sadly, caused Megumin’s mother to unlock the door to our room.
I left Megumin’s house with only my sword at my hip—but when I left, who should I find but a badly injured Sylvia.
“ Pant… Pant… Just a little— A little farther…! …My, fancy meeting you here! Now I am impressed. I sent my minions everywhere, but you figured out where I was headed and came to stop me. Didn’t you, Mitsu?”
“Cram it, lady.” I edged toward Sylvia, holding my sword low, in nothing but my pajamas and my bare feet.
“‘Cram it’? Magic sword or no, do you, a mere human, think to speak to me like—?”
“Damn right I do! Now pipe down, or I’m gonna beat you six ways from Sunday! I was having a moment , and you ruined it! Do you even know what time it is?! What the hell is wrong with you, bothering people at this hour?!” I cut her off and shouted at her as though I’d never been so angry with anyone in all my life.
“Oh! I-I’m sorry—!” For just a second, Sylvia looked genuinely abashed, but she quickly collected herself. “Wait a minute! That’s some gall you have, scolding me. I’ll teach you a lesson—you and your little friend there!”
At that, I looked behind me. At some point, Megumin had arrived, holding her staff. Sylvia’s animal-like yellow eyes shone. At first glance, she just seemed like an attractive human woman, but I realized now that I wasn’t sure what she was. I had seen her out and about during the day, so she probably wasn’t a vampire. The tips of her ears were kind of pointy. Maybe she was a demon or something.
She didn’t have any obvious weapons, but there was some kind of ropelike thing at her hip. I wondered what she used it for. Channeling my anger at having been interrupted in the bedroom, I stood in front of Megumin to protect her. Sylvia gave a little click of her tongue, a bewitching smile on her face.
“Oh my, could this be what I interrupted? I truly did wrong you.” Even as she taunted us, Sylvia didn’t take her eyes off Megumin and me. She kept glancing at my sword—she was probably still mistaken about who I was.
“Hey! What’s all the racket? I’m trying to sleep. Did Megumin sleep-Explosion something?”
Aqua, apparently roused by the noise, abruptly appeared in the doorway.
“Aqua! The Demon King’s general is attacking! Go get Hyoizaburou or Yuiyui!” That sent her scrambling back into the house.
I had my sword. I wanted a chance to get at least one good swipe in at Sylvia for ruining my moment.
“Don’t think I’ll go easy on you just because you’re pretty! I’m all about gender equality—I’m not afraid to drop-kick a woman in a fight!”
“Aww, not going to hold back for little old me? I appreciate the compliment, though. I might just end up flirting with you instead of fighting!”
I wanted to use my trusty dirt-and-wind combo, but I had exhausted most of my MP on that boneheaded stunt earlier and wasn’t in a position to do much spell-casting. I took the backpack I had grabbed when I came rushing out of my room and threw it to Sylvia as if passing a ball. She didn’t try to dodge and caught it easily in one hand.
“Oh? What’s this? A present for me?”
I followed up the pass by charging in with my sword, but despite virtually having one arm tied behind her, Sylvia managed to catch my sword with her free hand.
I know she’s one of the Demon King’s generals, but geez!
Now that she had my sword, she wasn’t letting go. But a strange look came over her face.
“…This is your magic sword? And that technique—pathetic.” She looked at me. “Are you really the Mitsurugi? Is this actually the enchanted blade Gram?”
Crap! My sword and my swordsmanship are gonna give me away… No, wait. Maybe I can keep bluffing…!
“That is Chunchunmaru.”
“…Guh?”
Before I could say anything, the very bestower of the name broke in. “That sword is called Chunchunmaru. It is a storied and legendary blade. Please do not pretend it is anything like Gram, the allegedly magical sword whose real origin nobody knows.”
“…Heh-heh. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You aren’t Mitsurugi at all, are you? Why don’t you tell me your real name—and why you thought to hide it from me.” Sylvia was laughing, but I didn’t see what was funny.
“…My name’s Kazuma Satou. I gave you a fake name because I figured if I told you the truth, you’d put out wanted posters for me or something.”
“Ah-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Aren’t you a sharp one! I think I like you.”
She nearly bent double laughing. Something about my answer must have really tickled her.
That was when the door flew open again, and Aqua looked out.
“Hey,” she called, “Megumin’s mom was trying to wake up Darkness. I told her to come right away!”
Before I could answer, Sylvia tugged on my sword, which she was still holding. It was too sudden for me to let go; I stumbled forward, straight toward her. I hurriedly tried to drop my weapon, but it was too late. I went flying face-first into Sylvia’s chest. She tossed the sword away and pulled me tighter into her bosom.
Thaaaank y—
Wait! This was no time for gratitude. This was a trap!
Even if I did have my face buried in a beautiful woman’s giant, almost bare, generous yet somehow balanced bosom, that didn’t mean— Yes, thank you .
I made some half-hearted attempts to resist, but—
“Just stay still! Bind !”
I was pretty sure I had seen that skill once before—hadn’t a Thief adventurer used it? Could Sylvia be a Thief general of the Demon King?!
So it was that I found myself bound to Sylvia by the rope she had had at her waist, my head nearly submerged in her cleavage. It occurred to me that I would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life this way.
“I’ll be keeping this boy as a hostage. I don’t know why you didn’t use your spells on me, little Crimson Magic girl, but if you try anything now, you’ll take him with me!”
“Wha…?! K-Kazuma! Don’t worry; you’ll be— Ah, yes, you are indeed just fine. In fact, you look strangely happy.” There was a cold gleam in her eyes. This was 100 percent not my fault, however, and I hoped she would help me. She could take her time, though.
“What’s this?!” Aqua exclaimed. “You seem like some kind of demon! And I don’t stand by and let demons take my— My— Hey, Kazuma, what are we to each other? I’m not sure what cliché to use in this situation! Anyway, I won’t let you have him, even if he does look pretty pleased there!”
She fired some kind of magic in an attempt to stop Sylvia. I guess she wanted a catchphrase to say or something? This village must be really getting to her. I wanted to tell her to call me her irreplaceable friend or party member or whatever she wanted and just stop Sylvia—but with my face still in the valley between her breasts, it was hard to talk.
…On that subject, what had been going on with me recently? I mean, from the moment Yunyun had said she wanted my baby—first her, then the orcs, then Megumin and Sylvia. Granted, the orcs were kind of a negative, but there were definitely more pros than cons on this list. I guess it really was my moment to get popular. Or maybe my one redeeming feature, my good luck, had decided this was its time to shine.
In any event, I was stuck there between Sylvia’s boobs when she said, “Your breath is getting awfully hot there, young man. You wouldn’t want to overheat, would you? If you behave yourself, I’ll give you a reward later.”
Yep. Definitely my moment.
“A-actually, it’s a little hard to b-breathe…!”
I was happy, there was no doubt, but I was also starting to suffocate. I was fumbling around, trying to find a good way to get some air, when…
“ Sacred Exorcism !”
There was an explosion of magic from Aqua, who was trying to take advantage of Sylvia’s momentary lapse in concentration. A huge, glowing pillar appeared around Sylvia and me and stretched toward the sky. Of course, it enveloped me along with her…!
“?! Aaaaaahhh!”
Sylvia made a startled sound and began screaming. But even though the demon-cleansing light had caught me up, too, I didn’t feel a thing. Nothing happened to me—but in sharp contrast, Sylvia’s dress was in tatters.
“Oh, now you’ve done it…! I had that dress specially made from the skins of lesser demons, and you ruined it…! Too bad for you I’m not some simple devil. That wasn’t pleasant, but it was nowhere near fatal. A word of advice, though. The next time you attack me, this boy’s life is forfeit!”
Pretty much half-naked now, Sylvia quickly broke my bonds, spun me around, and pulled my head back into her chest. Maybe she was responding to my protests that I couldn’t breathe. How nice of her.
“ My name is Sylvia! Chief of the Monster Strengthening and Development Bureau and one who has augmented and changed my own body! Yes—I am the Growth Chimera, Sylvia! And I’m taking this boy with me! Now, sweetheart, how about you and I become one again? Bind !”
…Now she’s going ‘My name is Sylvia!’ too? I think she’s been battling these people too long.
At her shout, the rope wrapped us up again. Frankly, with no weapon and my enemy directly behind me, there wasn’t much I could do. So without any serious show of resistance, I put my hands up like I was giving a cheer and let the rope do its work.
“K-Kazuma! Give him back, you—! …Hey, Kazuma, you’re not deliberately letting her tie you up, are you?”
“No,” I said flatly, the back of my head pressed once more against Sylvia’s chest. She was tall enough that even with my head at her chest level, my feet couldn’t reach the ground. I just dangled there.
What was this sudden satisfaction and comfort I felt? It was like I had finally found the peace and stability I had been missing.
Megumin was just shooting me an ice-cold glare when I heard a familiar voice.
“Hrk…! How could I be caught so unprepared at a moment like this…!”
I looked toward the speaker. There was Darkness, appearing a bit Spartan without her armor, breathing hard. She wore only a thin black shirt and tight skirt and had her great sword in her hand. Yuiyui must have woken her up before she came running.
Darkness, the sleep still in her eyes, moved forward to cover Aqua and fixed Sylvia with a stare.
“Know this, general of the Demon King! The people of this house have already gone to call other members of the Crimson Magic Clan. It’s only a matter of time before reinforcements arrive. So let go of that worthless young man you have pressed to your chest, closing his eyes in bliss, and be gone! And if you must take a hostage…please…take me! Take me instead of him! Please let me be your hostage instead of Kazuma!”
Sylvia gave an amused smirk at Darkness’s outburst. “Goodness, what a nasty little boy. To have two such close friends! But, no deal. I’ve grown rather fond of him. Now, you—Kazuma, is that it? Have you ever considered throwing in your lot with the Demon King’s army? I think you and I could get along very well.” As she spoke, she gave me a friendly pat on the head.
“…Hey, what’s going on here? When did Kazuma get so buddy-buddy with our archenemy? Look, she’s patting his head and everything,” Aqua said with an annoyed sigh.
“…Kazuma,” Darkness said, “what are you doing there, anyway? …Don’t tell me you let her surprise you. I get it—her chest distracted you, didn’t it? Sheesh, you’re so predictable. Oh well, hang on, I’ll be right there and rescue—”
“Ah, don’t bother.”
…………
““““Huh?””””
All four of them seemed taken aback by my rapid-fire reply to Darkness. Leaning my head into the luxurious sofa that was Sylvia’s ample bosom, I said, “That’s right. I said don’t bother. Listen, all of you. Especially Darkness. You haven’t exactly been very nice to me lately. But Sylvia here says she’s fond of me! You know, it’s been so bad lately that I was already wondering if it was about time for me to defect to the Demon King. How about you apologize? I work my butt off for this party—so apologize right now. Megumin already told me earlier how grateful she is for everything I do all the time. Come on, I haven’t got all night!”
I was trying to channel Aqua when she wanted something. Darkness seemed flabbergasted. “L-look, Kazuma,” she said. “That’s not funny. A-and, well…maybe I have been a little rough on you lately. And maybe I should’ve been a little more generous with what I said about you to Megumin’s family. I’m sorry. Oh yeah. You said a while ago that you wanted an award? Well, you really have done some good things. All right, when we get back to town, I’ll—”
“Show me you mean it! You think you can win me over with some shiny trinket at this late hour? Take a look around. Miss Sylvia here is tempting me into the Demon King’s army with a very generous offer, if you know what I mean. And what do you have going for you? Come on, tell me!”
Darkness, looking a bit shaken after I interrupted her, said timidly, “My… My defense?”
“Wrong! What you’ve got going for you is a seductive body that won’t quit! Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about!”
“Hey, this guy is a lost cause. He’s sounding really weird. I think we should just let the Demon King have him.”
“I—I don’t think we can. Whatever we may think of him, he does have a way of coming through when it counts.”
Aqua and Megumin were holding a whispered conference. No doubt they were plotting a way to rescue me. Darkness looked embarrassed; she seemed to be trying to cover herself with her hands.
“I—I don’t…! I’m not trying to… seduce …!” She looked on the verge of tears.
“You damn well are!” I shouted. “Man, that body is wasted on you! Listen! Tonight, my Luck is as good as it’s ever been! This may be the most popular I’ll ever be with the ladies! So apologize! Apologize so that I don’t just let my newfound esteem from the fairer sex lead me away with Sylvia! For example, you could… Yeah…!”
Psst.
The next two pages reflect the original
Japanese orientation, so read backward!
Sylvia, somewhat nonplussed by the stuff coming out of my mouth, put her hand on my head again.
“Very good… I can see you’re as good a man as I took you for! Ooh, I really do want to take you back to the Demon King’s army! But don’t bully your little Crusader friend too much, okay? You should be a little more sensitive to a lady’s feelings.”
“For a demonic creature, you seem to know an awful lot about the heart of a human woman,” Darkness said, glaring at Sylvia. “I can’t begin to guess at a demon’s age, but do you have a lot of experience as a woman?” Her sword was at the ready as she tried to draw Sylvia into battle.
“Goodness, but of course. I understand both sexes.”
Ahhh, the wily ways of a beautiful demoness. Of course she would know it all…
Sylvia gave me another pat on the head.
“After all, I’m half man myself.”
She said it as though it was no big deal.
“…Say what?” I asked uncomprehendingly, turning toward Sylvia.
Maybe something somewhere in the village was burning, because a faint light had come into the sky. It was just enough for me to notice something I hadn’t before. On Sylvia’s chin, and especially around her cheeks, there was just the slightest facial hair.
“Oh, didn’t you hear me?” she said. In her pointy right ear, a blue earring sparkled… “I’m a chimera. This bust you seem so enamored of is something I whipped up for myself.”
Again, as though it was no big deal. I struggled to pretend I hadn’t heard her. I tried to keep myself from processing the words.
I mean… Didn’t this mean…this was a man’s chest I was so excited about…?
Huh… But…?
“…K-Kazuma?” Megumin asked uncertainly. “S-stay with us, all right? All right? Just hang in there. You’re fine, just…stay calm…”
I thought back to something I had heard somewhere, long ago—of a man with a piercing in his right ear.
“You really are quite the man, though…,” she said. “Why, just stroking your head like this, I can feel the excitement in my chest and my…”
The difference in our heights meant my butt was just even with Sylvia’s nether regions. And…
“Miss, uh, Miss Sylvia… Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it’s almost like I can feel something…pressing against my butt…”
And with a certain embarrassment, Sylvia responded with the words made famous by so many manga and anime in Japan…
“Yes, something is.”
My heart just about stopped.
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