Chapter 5
May There Be an Explosion for This Hateful Relic!
1
“Wake up. Hey, wake up!”
Someone was shaking me as I came to. I guess I had just been having a nightmare. A nightmare where an androgynous demon with a sick sense of humor had…
“…Eeeeeyaaaagh! Stop, Sylvia! Stay away from me! I’ll kill you! Don’t think I won’t!!”
“C-calm down, already! Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’m not going to do anything to you. I’ve already given those Crimson cretins the slip, so I’ll set you free soon. You did let me go yesterday, yourself.”
That eased my anxiety somewhat, though I still didn’t let down my guard. It was then that I realized there was no one else around. The place we were in looked sort of familiar…
“This is the entrance to the storage bunker underneath Crimson Magic Village,” Sylvia said. “The one they say has a weapon that might very well destroy the world.” As she spoke, she took out some kind of magic item.
“…What’s that?” I said warily.
“Hee-hee. Surely, a man like you at least has an inkling? Perhaps the name will give you a hint—it’s called a ‘barrier breaker.’”
I put two and two together in a hurry. “So that half-assed infiltration effort was an attempt to steal the weapon.”
“Ah, I knew you would figure it out. This place is supposed to house a magical weapon of unimaginable power. And from what I hear, it has some special property that makes it especially dangerous to the people of this village.”
Wh-what kind of weapon could that be?
“Yeah, but from what I hear, there’s a special seal on this place that no one can break. And nobody knows how to use the weapon anyway.”
“Oh really? Well, not to worry. The barrier breaker I have here is an especially strong one, even by demon standards. Even a seal placed by the gods themselves would— Huh? Th-that’s strange…” Sylvia, crouched in front of the storehouse, sounded confused. “My barrier breaker isn’t showing any reaction! What is this? This isn’t a magical seal at all! N-now what do I do…?”
Sylvia was giving her item a dirty look. From beside her, I peeked at the so-called seal. It was a touch panel for entering a code, with alphabetic and numerical keys, as well as direction buttons like on a game pad. On the top part of the touch panel were words I recognized.
“‘Ko-nami Command’…? Does it want you to enter the Konami code?”
“Y-you can read this ancient writing?!”
I didn’t know what she meant by that. It was just regular Japanese. And the “Ko-nami Command” was just the Konami code.
“It’s not ancient. This is how they write where I come from. It wants you to enter a famous cheat code, the Konami code, as a pass—”
I tried to cut myself off before I could say any more, but Sylvia grabbed my hand.
“You are an even better man than I thought. Are you saying you know the secret to cracking the seal that has thwarted even the Crimson Magic Clan and me?”
“I—I may be a pretty crappy adventurer, but still… Do you think I would really spill my guts to the Demon King’s army that easily? You saw that Arch-priest with me. She can use resurrection magic, so nothing you can do can scare—”
“There are more ways to make a man talk than to scare or torture him. Hee-hee. My talents as a lover have been lauded as every bit as pleasing as those of a succubus. How long do you think you can endure my ministra—?”
Before Sylvia had finished talking, I’d punched in the code.
There was a mechanical rumble, and the heavy door began sliding open.
“…Are you sure you can live with yourself after that?” Sylvia said. “Well, never mind. I don’t have time to waste anyway. It’s so dark in here—I wonder what’s waiting for us.” She was trying to ready a light.
She had her defenseless back to me. I might not have had a weapon, but didn’t she seem just a little too trusting? Although with nothing but my bare hands, Drain Touch was about the only attack I had available to me.
“Hmm? I wonder if I dropped it when I was running away. Well, shoot. I can’t see very well when it’s completely dark like this…”
Then it hit me. In this situation, there was no need to fight. I snuck up behind Sylvia.
“I’m sorry, but do you have a light or—”
I wasn’t really listening to what she was saying.
Thump.
“Huh?”
I shoved her straight into the pitch-black storehouse.
2
“?! …! …!!”
I could hear Sylvia shouting indistinctly from the other side of the door, which was now safely closed again. She was pounding on it, too.
“Kazuma! Are you all right?! Where’s Sylvia?!”
I turned around and saw Megumin and the others running up from behind me. I saw the familiar faces of Yunyun and Bukkororii, too—Megumin must have gone and gotten them.
“You guys missed all the fun. My brilliant idea means Sylvia is now trapped inside. It doesn’t look like you can open it from the inside. Give her a month or so to cool off, and I bet she’ll calm down.”
Megumin seemed to be listening to the faint, enraged voice from within, then said, “Y-you locked her in?! Well, I suppose the weapon won’t work, seeing as no one knows how to start it. But I’m amazed Sylvia was able to break the seal.”
…I decided not to mention that I was the one who had gotten her in there.
“Y-you’re going to leave her to starve? I know she’s the Demon King’s general, but don’t you think that’s a little bit too much?” Darkness seemed to feel real pity as she listened to the hammering from inside.
“Sylvia escaped us more than once—and you got her!” one of the Crimson Magic people said. “Well done, outsider!”
“These people have gotten the better of three different generals of the Demon King already. I guess Sylvia was no match for them!”
While the gathered Crimsonites heaped praise on me, Aqua said, “Hey, Kazuma, isn’t there supposed to be a really dangerous weapon in there? Are you sure we should leave her with it?”
The Crimson Magic Clanners were quick to respond.
“Heck, even we couldn’t figure out how to use it. What’s Sylvia gonna do in there?”
“Yeah, if she manages to use that weapon, I’ll do a lap of the village on my hands!”
“Now, then! Who’s up for a drink?!”
“…Hey,” I said. “What is it with these people? Are they saying that stuff on purpose? Does the Crimson Magic Clan go looking for trouble? Can they never be satisfied until they’ve tripped every flag they can think of?”
“W-well, I will not deny that my tribe likes to get itself into trouble. But don’t worry. It’s quieted down in there. Perhaps she ran out of oxygen.”
I hadn’t noticed until then that all the spitting and cursing from inside the bunker had stopped. I had to admit it gave me a bad feeling—but what could be wrong, huh? I mean, it was common knowledge that no one could work the weapon in there…
“Hrm?” Darkness said, shuffling her feet. “Kazuma, does the ground seem a little shaky to you?”
“Whoa! This is trouble! I’ve got a bad feeling! I think we’d better get out of h—!”
“Aww, what’s the rush, Kazuma? We defeated another general of the Demon King. Hey, I know you kind of took care of this one on your own, but we’re a party, so— I mean, you’ll share the reward, won’t you? Right? Heh-heh! I wonder what I’ll buy with the reward for Sylvia!”
The sight of the increasingly giddy Aqua convinced me that something was definitely, for sure about to go terribly awry.
“Why does it have to be a flag with you every single time? Hey, Megumin, Darkness! Pull out! In fact, ask the Crimson Magic people to teleport us back to Axel right n—”
Even as I spoke, the earth seemed to swell up, and suddenly we found ourselves in a cloud of dust. And there in the hazy moonlight was…
“Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha! You really put one over on me, boy! Did you think walking out with that weapon was our only goal? My name is Sylvia! And as you can see—”
The lower half of her body looked like a massive metal snake.
“—I can merge anything, weapon or whatever, with my body! I am the Demon King’s general, the one and only Growth Chimera, Sylvia!”
She gave a triumphant holler.
“Mage-killer! She’s got Mage-killer!”
The Crimson Magic Clan people began screaming.
Mage-killer?
“Eeeyiyiyiyiyikes! This is bad, Kazuma—this is very bad! Let us get out of here, right this minute!” Megumin, pale-faced and lacking any of the bravado she’d shown just a few minutes earlier, was tugging desperately on my sleeve.
Wait a minute. I’d seen how powerful these Crimson Magic wizards were. Surely, they had some kind of trump card—?
“Gah! Not Mage-killer!”
“Forget the village! There’s no hope!”
“ Teleport !”
Or not.
“Megumin, tell me what is going on here! What’s this Mage-killer? Is it dangerous? Is it the weapon that might destroy the world?!” I shook her violently, keeping half an eye on the fleeing wizards. Megumin had never been much for adversity…
“The weapon that might destroy the world? No, that’s not it…! But Sylvia has merged with Mage-killer, which is almost as dangerous…!” This explanation came courtesy of Yunyun, looking every bit as pale as Megumin. “Mage-killer is the age-old foe of our Crimson Magic Clan—an anti-wizard weapon that’s totally unaffected by magic!”
Well, crap.
3
We evacuated with the other Crimson Magic Clan members to the Devil’s Hill, the one so popular with couples. From there, we looked out over Crimson Magic Village, now engulfed in flames.
“Our village… It’s burning…”
I looked toward the source of the voice and saw a girl wearing a bandage over her eye like Megumin, watching sadly from the hill, as if fixing the image in her mind.
In the village, Sylvia, in her lamia-like form, had spewed fire from her mouth to turn the village crimson in another sense. Many members of the Crimson Magic Clan were capable of using Teleport, so there were no human casualties. But flames continued to devour the buildings of the village.
It hurt my heart to see it. Was it because I had broken that seal? But what choice did I have? And everyone had told me that nobody knew how to use the weapon or even start it…
“How in the world did Sylvia manage to break that seal, anyway?” I twitched at the voice. “Maybe she had a barrier breaker. But those aren’t supposed to work on this seal…” As the voice continued, I surveyed the burning village, my heart pounding.
“Whatever the case,” the village chief said with a grim look, “our only choice now is to abandon the village. I hate to let the Demon King win, but as long as we’re alive, we can start again.”
…Oh man. Things were looking really rough here. Was it all my fault? Was it because I had been so eager to get rid of the seal?
“H-hey, Megumin, can you really not do anything about Mage-killer or whatever you called it?” I said, agony in my voice.
“As I told you, Mage-killer is—as its name implies—an anti-wizard weapon. Magic has practically no effect on it. Once long ago, someone went on a rampage using it, and it is said that our ancestor was somehow able to destroy it using the weapon that is now kept in the underground storehouse. Since it was there, we decided to repair Mage-killer and seal it back up down there as a memento…”
“Why would you deliberately keep something so dangerous, and for such a dumb reason? …Wait a second. Did I hear you say that you have a weapon that can counter Mage-killer?”
It was the obvious strategy. If you were going to use poison, you’d better have an antidote. They were keeping a way to destroy Mage-killer on hand, just in case. The ancestors of the Crimson Magic Clan must have decided to keep the weapon around, on the chance Mage-killer ever needed to be destroyed again. So if we used it…
But Megumin apparently read my thoughts. “…Kazuma. Nobody knows how to use this weapon that’s supposed to be able to stop Mage-killer. We do possess a text that should explain how to operate it, but even our village chief can’t decipher the letters…” She kept her eyes fixed on the burning village.
This was the Crimson Magic Clan, known for their intelligence. I was sure they had given this a lot of thought. If magic didn’t work on this thing, then honestly, I didn’t have many cards to play. I could see Sylvia, transformed into something resembling a giant metal snake, tiny in the distance. If she wrapped those coils around anyone but Darkness, they would be crushed instantly.
…There just wasn’t anything we could do.
At that moment…
“Hmm… Then I will play the decoy to draw off Sylvia. If I have the backing of some of the Crimson Magic wizards, she won’t be able to do me in so easily.”
This idiotic proclamation came, of course, from our resident muscle head.
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “Don’t you understand that there’s nothing we can do here? Are you just stupid? Even goblins know to stay out of a fight they can’t win. Are you dumber than a goblin?”
“I-I’m going to have a few bones to pick with you when we get back to Axel! You’ll pay for all these nasty things you’ve said to me! I’m telling you, I have a plan here.”
…A plan?
“While I’m distracting her, you and Aqua sneak into the storehouse Sylvia demolished. You can both see in the dark, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Then bring out that weapon.”
“…Did you not hear the part about nobody knowing how to use it? Have you even been listening to anything we’ve said?” I asked in exasperation.
“Of course I’ve been listening,” Darkness said, “and before you ask, I understood it all, too. But if we can figure out how to work the weapon, maybe we can do something. If there’s any chance at all, then it’s better than standing here, twiddling our thumbs. Don’t worry—I don’t know what exactly this weapon is, but as the daughter of nobility, I know much about magical items. I once broke my father’s magical camera and put it back together, you know.”
I had to admit, it wasn’t what I’d expected from Brawn for Brains. I stood there reeling with surprise.
“…That is a good idea,” Megumin said. “Let us try it.” This surprised me, too. I would have expected her to be more opposed than anyone.
“I’ve always liked a good high-stakes twist!”
“Yeah, my favorite thing! For outsiders, you sure seem to understand a lot about us!”
Not just Megumin, but all the Crimson Magic people seemed to be getting on board. Darkness’s idea seemed to play right to them. Normally, I would have had no part of something so dangerous, but I couldn’t get the girl with the bandaged eye out of my mind.
Dammit. Fine. I would just go in there, get the weapon or whatever, and get out. If that was what it took to clear my conscience…!
“Hey, there’s a general of the Demon King running amok in that village! Count me out! I’m a support type; I do my work from nice, safe places like this hilltop!”
“Oh, shut up and come with me! I’m not finding that thing on my own.”
And so I dragged Aqua, kicking and screaming, toward the underground storehouse next to the mysterious building…!
4
In order to draw off Sylvia, the Crimson Magic wizards attacked her with magic from afar. When she got too close, they would widen the distance again before returning to the assault. But magic really didn’t affect her, and they were doing no damage.
“Resistance is futile. Haven’t you had enough? I thought you all were supposed to be smarter than this,” she taunted them, coiling her metal body. Now that she finally held the upper hand, Sylvia seemed intent on tormenting them to let off her anger. But for all her jeering, she wasn’t able to get close enough to the wizards to land an attack, and she seemed to be getting tired of it.
She moved awfully slowly—maybe she wasn’t used to her new snake body yet. She turned toward a group of wizards and took a breath. Her eyes were filled with death and hatred, and she breathed out a stream of searing flame. But instants before the fire enveloped them, one of the members of the group chanted a spell.
“ Teleport !”
And they simply disappeared.
The groups combined teleporters and attackers, with the teleporters preparing their chants ahead of time so the spell could be invoked at any moment.
Sylvia, infuriated by her prey’s escape, turned her eyes on a lone girl. She was the closest one to Sylvia, but Sylvia hadn’t been able to focus on her during the magical drubbing. Now she gave chase. Apparently, she’d decided to take the wizards out one by one.
A man watching this from afar gave a scream. It was Bukkororii, leader of the anti–Demon King strike patrol.
“S-Sylvia, stop! I beg you! Don’t lay a hand on her!”
Sylvia’s quarry stood with a wooden sword in hand, drawing a bead on her enemy. I thought I recognized her. Hadn’t she been using really powerful magic to fight the village’s attackers alongside Bukkororii? She must have been his girlfriend or something.
Bukkororii had fallen to his knees imploringly, looking at Sylvia and the girl who faced her. Hearing his pleas, Sylvia broke into a grin of unbridled joy.
“This from the ones who so gleefully murdered my own minions. Consider this payback! Oh, but don’t worry. I won’t stop with this girl. I’ll kill you and your family! I will burn this village to the ground! …Now prepare yourself!”
Sylvia ignored Bukkororii’s howl, closing in on the girl. After being at the mercy of the Crimson Magic Clan for so long, she was finally going to be able to get her revenge.
The girl holding the wooden sword flashed a brave smile and called out to Bukkororii, whose expression was growing darker by the moment. “Run… At least one of us should escape. I shall expend the last of my strength against Sylvia so that you can flee!”
Aww, for crying out loud! I break that seal to save myself, and now people are getting hurt…!
Sylvia stood ready to attack. The girl stared back at her with intense resolve.
“I’ve still got an ace up my sleeve, Sylvia! Take a good look! And…” She glanced over at Bukkororii, and the most fleeting of smiles crossed her face. “Please, Bukkororii… Forget about me. Live your life; be happy…”
“Soketto, how could I ever?! Please, Sylvia, stop this! Soketto, I l—!!”
Geez, that’s enough! Enough already…!
“I like a girl with spunk. Show me this ace of yours! No magic can hurt—”
“ Teleport !”
As Sylvia shouted, the girl called out the word and disappeared. At that, Bukkororii, who had looked like a broken man just a second before, stood up, brushed himself off, and gazed calmly at Sylvia.
Sylvia, having lost her target just as the battle was heating up, muttered forlornly:
“I hate you Crimson Magic Clan people.”
…I feel ya.
5
A Crimson Magic man stood in front of Sylvia, blocking her way. With a somber expression, he said, “ Sylvia. What a terrible form you’ve assumed. Now I shall have to use the ace up my sl — Eeeyow! H-hey, that’s hot! It’s only polite to let a person finish his dramatic monologue before you attack him!”
Sylvia had interrupted him in the middle of his proclamation with a blast of her fire breath, and he scrambled to get out of the way.
“I don’t have time for your little games anymore! If you don’t want to fight, then you’d better disappear for good!”
Sylvia was beginning to lose her cool at the Crimson Magic Clan’s hit-and-run tactics. But she was far enough from the underground storehouse. Now was our chance. I would have liked nothing better than to run away, but it was my fault the seal had been broken.
“Okay, here we go. Darkness, if those wizards get themselves in too much trouble, you take care of them. They’re powerful, but they’re still wizards. When they run out of MP, they won’t be able to use Teleport to escape anymore.”
“I understand. You can count on me!” She gave a firm nod.
Beside her, Megumin asked, “Wh-what should I do? I cannot use Teleport, so I don’t know if there is much I can do to buy time…” She looked up at me uneasily.
“We’re keeping you in reserve in case we really need you. You said Mage-killer isn’t impervious to magic, just very hard to damage with it, right? We know advanced magic doesn’t work, but has anyone tried using Explosion on it yet? It might just be enough to do damage.”
That was the excuse I gave her anyway. I didn’t want to make her use her magic this time. I remembered what Yunyun had said, how bad it would be for Megumin if the villagers discovered she could use only Explosion.
My bluff must have worked, because Megumin gripped her staff tighter as her breathing intensified. In the distance, the Crimson Magic Clan wizards were still distracting Sylvia…
“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! What’s wrong? Let’s see just how fast you can teleport!”
“Wait, I’m not done chanting—! Everyone, watch out! She’s getting quicker!”
…Uh-oh, Sylvia was more used to her body now. The wizards weren’t really distracting her anymore; she was simply chasing them.
“Okay, Kazuma, just leave protecting the storehouse to me. You can look around inside in perfect safety.”
“Stop trying to ditch me and come on!”
I grabbed Aqua, who was determined to weasel out of her part in the plan until the bitter end, and used Ambush to allow the two of us to sneak past the magical battle with Sylvia.
At length we arrived at the bunker and entered through the hole Sylvia had made getting out. A glance back at the general herself showed that she was still focused on chasing down the Crimson Magic Clan. Maybe it was the nearing dawn that accounted for the light I could see on the far side of the mountain—but inside the bunker, it was pitch-black.
Aqua and I, both capable of seeing in the dark, slipped into the underground storehouse. Now we just had to find the—
“…Geez. We’re supposed to find that thing in here ?”
The storehouse was an absolute mess of magical items. We didn’t know whether the weapon was even here, let alone which one of these things it was…
“Hey, Kazuma, hey! Look at this!” As I stood there fretting, Aqua happily brought me something she had picked up. I took a look…
“If it isn’t a Game Girl! What’s an ancient piece of gaming equipment like that doing in a place like this?” It was a portable gaming device that had been popular in Japan before I was born.
Aqua set the thing on the floor and started rummaging through a pile of magical items. “If there’s a game system, there must be games around here. Hey, Kazuma, if we find a copy of Ristet , can I have it, please? I’ll let you play.”
“We’re not looking for video games; we’re looking for a weapon! Do you see anything weapon-y around here? …Wait, what even is this place? Why are there so many things from Earth here?”
The vast majority of the magical items were actually various kinds of video-game machines. As a gamer, I felt my heart skip a beat, but this wasn’t the time. All the consoles seemed a little off, too, as though an amateur had been struggling to make them…
Aqua beckoned to me from a corner of the room, where she seemed to have discovered something.
“Kazuma, look what I found.” She showed me a diary. I came up beside her, peeking at the pages. They were full of what the Crimson Magic Clan people would have called ancient letters.
…That’s right. The diary was written in Japanese.
Aqua began to read…
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. Crap! They found out about this building. Luckily, they don’t seem to understand what the things are that I’ve made. If they realized I had spent the country’s research budget creating video games and toys, who knows what they’d do to me?
I started connecting the dots. Some Japanese guy who got sent here before me must have set up this facility. That was why you had to enter the Konami code to get in. Maybe this diary would offer some kind of clue for us.
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. The bigwigs who barged into my paradise wanted to know what my game was good for. I could hardly tell them it’s just for amusement. So I put on the straightest face I could muster and lied through my teeth. I told them it was a weapon that could very well destroy the world. “Th-this…?” asked one of the researchers. She flipped the switch on the Game Girl, and I could see her jump when it went da-ding! She’s a tough lady—and she’s afraid of a little game machine?
…?
Why was my stomach twisting?
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. They told me they were going to dramatically expand my budget. In return, I was to create a weapon that could fight the Demon King. Seriously? I’ve already made more than enough use of the cheat I got when I was sent to this world. I’ve done my part for this country. They can ask for whatever they want—but it won’t do any good. I put on my most serious face and said, “War will not solve anything,” etc., etc. But my colleague just gave me a smack. She huffed that we were “at war with the Demon King” and I “had work to do.” And that’s true enough. But what the heck kind of weapon could fight that monster?
I had a bad feeling, all right. I remembered the last time we found a half-assed diary like this… But bad feeling or no, Aqua read on.
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. I think I’ll make a giant humanoid robot. One that can transform! I submitted the plans, but they angrily told me to be serious. Even though I was being serious! I just stuck a finger up my nose and shot back, “Well then, we’ll just make it huge and resistant to magic.” And they went along with it! Is that really all it takes? They told me to draw up some blueprints—but what am I going to model it on? …Huh? Is that a stray dog? And not a moment too soon. He’s perfect. It’ll be a dog-shaped weapon, and I think I’ll call it “Mage-killer.”
…Dog-shaped weapon?
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. The higher-ups were very happy with my blueprints. They said, “Ah, yes, a snake. Much easier than having to build legs. Excellent idea.” Excuse me, but that’s supposed to be a dog. I know I’m not the best artist, but are they blind? It’s a dog with a long metal body… Actually, I guess it does kind of look like a snake.
……………
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. Testing has begun. I got it to move, but the battery just doesn’t last. I pitted it against some members of the Magic Clan, but it quickly stopped moving. They all seemed to be pretty scared of it, though, for no apparent reason. That’s great. I’ll tell them this weapon is too powerful to leave in human hands and shut it up in this building. It has no batteries, so it won’t work, but maybe someday I can make it part of a chimera and turn it into a living weapon. Then it wouldn’t need batteries, plus that would be wicked cool.
Okay, I think I’m starting to get the picture. The guy who wrote this diary was probably the same guy who built…you know.
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. I’ve come up with a new weapon to fight the Demon King. Well, it’s really just a human modification. I asked around this country for volunteers to undergo augmentation surgery, and I got so many applicants, I had to pick by lottery. They’re practically obsessed with modifications here. Are they sure about this? I told them their memories would be gone after the surgery. I explained to my participants that it was just a simple procedure to allow them to use magic to the greatest possible extent. They, in turn, asked me for all kinds of ridiculous things, like could I also make their eyes red, or could I put serial numbers on them or something. Does everyone around here think like this?
It had better be the same guy, because I would hate to think there was more than one person out there who would write crap like this.
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. The augmentation is finally done. My subjects came to me saying, “Master, give us new names.” Who the hell is this “master”? Why are they so into this? I didn’t want to be bothered, so I gave them random names. They seemed awfully happy about it, though. I kind of wonder about their sanity. But they’re strong—really strong. The bigwigs seem happy again. I’m moving up in the world—I’ll be head of research starting tomorrow. Frankly, I would rather have a nice, fat bonus than a fancy title. Since I’d gone to the trouble, I figured I would give a name to these enhanced people. I called them the “Crimson Magic Clan,” after the color of their eyes. My colleague told me that was way too obvious. Damn her.
“Whaaat?!” I exclaimed without meaning to. Aqua stopped reading and looked at me. “S-sorry,” I said. “Go on.” The Crimson Magic Clan were modified humans? This had gotten really heavy all of a sudden…
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. The Crimson Magic Clan members are begging me for a weapon to counter Mage-killer, which they consider the greatest threat to their existence. I mean, it doesn’t even work. I didn’t build it to threaten them, and it doesn’t have any batteries. But no matter how many times I explain this to them, no one will listen to me. What is this, the enhanced human equivalent of the “terrible twos”? Fine. I built them a weapon. I wasn’t going to think too hard about it at first, but I got a little too into it, and it’s actually something now. Maybe this weapon really could destroy the world. It’s kind of a laser cannon. It doesn’t use electromagnetic acceleration or anything, but I can’t come up with a good name, so for the moment I’m dubbing it the Railgun (tentative name).
…Okay. Not so heavy.
Month Such-and-Such, day So-and-So. My Railgun (tentative) is awesome. Super awesome. Honestly, it might be too awesome to handle. I meant for it to be a simple weapon shot with compressed magic, but when I let the Crimson guys fire off a round, I was surprised by just how destructive it was. It was downright frightening. It probably won’t have power like that for long, though. I just kind of threw it together from whatever parts I could find. It looks likely to just fall apart after a few shots. It could be really dangerous in the wrong hands, though, so I think I’ll shut it up here, too… Actually, the length is almost exactly right for a drying pole. Man, am I in trouble now. Everyone is riding high because the “Crimson Magic Clan” thing worked out so well, and now the higher-ups want to use their exploding national budget to build a supersize mobile weapon. Do they think it’ll be that easy? What a bunch of morons. Not that it has anything to do with me.
…Welp, no doubt now. The author of this diary…
“That looks like the end… Hey, I think I recognize his handwriting from somewhere.”
…was definitely the scientist who built Mobile Fortress Destroyer and then went full skeleton inside it. Judging by what he wrote here, he must have gone on to build it after this.
“Of course you do. You read the diary in Mobile Fortress Destroyer, right? It’s got to be by the same guy.”
At that, Aqua gave an excited clap of her hands. Did she have a special talent for identifying handwriting or something?
…Hang on a second.
“Hey, so was the diary we found on Destroyer written in Japanese, too?”
“Uh-huh.”
“What do you mean, Uh-huh ? You didn’t think you should mention an important fact like that?!”
“Y-you never asked!”
I pressed my fingers to my aching head. “Dammit! So you’re telling me all this—Destroyer, Mage-killer, everything—was because of some OP Japanese guy you randomly sent here, whose name you can’t even remember?! You would send a ham sandwich here, wouldn’t you?!” I stopped dead. “Just a minute.”
Aqua gave me an inquiring cock of her head.
“I never really thought about it before, but just how old are you, anyway? You have to have been a goddess since at least before Mobile Fortress Destroyer was created.”
Aqua dropped the diary on the ground with a thump . “…Kazuma, what kind of answer do you expect, asking a goddess her age? You’re seriously headed for divine punishment, you know that? …Let me explain something to you. That room where we first met? The flow of time is slowed way down there. Meaning it’s not even possible to express my age in years as you know them. Okay? So don’t ask again. You try another question like that and I really will give you a taste of divine retribution, Mr. Kazuma Satou.”
She sounded unusually serious. I muttered, so quietly that she might or might not hear me:
“I get it. You’re old, huh…”
“Whaaaaat?! You take that back! Who are you calling old?! Time is slower where I live than where you live, so I’ve been around longer than you, that’s all! Take it back! Waaaaah!”
Everything I laid eyes on here was something that, as a gamer, I was desperate to take home with me. But this wasn’t the time. I was pawing through the mountains of gaming equipment, looking for the Railgun (tentative).
“Dammit, where is that stupid Railgun? He said it’s the size of a drying pole; there’s no way we could miss it!”
“Hey, Kazuma, time moves differently in Japan than in the divine realm or even here. For example, a month in Japan is just about an hour in the divine realm. But it could be several months in this world. You see? So when it comes to my age… Hey, are you listening?”
Aqua had been going on with what sounded like excuses for a while now.
“I don’t care about that! Just help me look, already! Do you see a rail gun anywhere? About the length of a drying pole…”
…The length of a drying pole?
Rail gun?
Hang on. I was pretty sure we saw something that fit that description somewhere in the village not too long ago. Yes! At the clothing store, the one Cheekera ran…!
“Aqua, I’ve got it! I know where to find the weapon!”
But as I turned toward Aqua…
DA-DIIING!
“Hey, look, this works. It seems to use magic instead of batteries, though. I wonder how many games it has? I’d love to take them all home.”
I silently took the game machine from her, raised it way over my head, and…
“Graaaaaaahhhhhh!”
“Nooooo! My Game Girl!”
6
I dashed through the village, burning embers swirling through the air.
…And I could hear Aqua’s shrill voice behind me.
“Give it back! Give me back my Game Girl! We’ll probably never be able to get another one in this world! You owe me big! You have to pay me back with the money you get when we go home! Three hundred million is cheap as the price when you consider that was an irreplaceable, one-of-a-kind object!”
“Will you shut up about the games already?! We’ve got bigger problems! And it wasn’t yours anyway—you just found it on the ground! How can you be so much older than me and still act like a spoiled child?!”
“Ooh, you’re really pushing it, mister! I told you, celestial beings don’t age! You’ll regret ticking off the goddess of water! I’ll curse you so your toilet doesn’t flush, and your shower suddenly turns cold, and…!”
I ignored Aqua as she listed off the infantile “divine punishments” she planned to inflict. In the meantime, we finally arrived at the clothing store.
In the garden, the dull silver rifle-slash-drying-pole was waiting for us. From Destroyer to Mage-killer, the guy who built this stuff clearly had a homicidal streak. What was this doing here, anyway? They should be stashing it somewhere safe. What a bunch of idiots there were in this village. I could lecture them all day about using something this dangerous to dry their clothes.
The gun was a bit over three meters long. I tried to lift the shimmering silver weapon, but it was too heavy for one person to carry alone. I had Aqua help me.
There was some ridiculous-looking thing stuck to the back of the rifle, maybe a device to absorb magic. Railgun was a laughably obvious name for this thing, but it did have the look of a futuristic weapon.
“Okay, now we just have to get this back to the Crimson Magic Clan people, and… Huh?”
I suddenly noticed a vague sense of apprehension in my chest. The sounds of destruction that had been so prevalent a moment before had gone quiet. I looked around in confusion, and it was easy to spot Sylvia’s massive body in the village. Far in the distance, she had come to a stop.
7
We brought the rifle closer to Sylvia, taking care not to be noticed. She had gone stock-still and was staring intently at a single point. And what she was staring at was…
“Isn’t that Yunyun?! What is that girl thinking…?”
There was Yunyun, standing on a huge rock and glaring down at Sylvia. I had a notion why she was facing down Sylvia all alone. The other Crimson Magic Clan people were out of MP. But that didn’t seem to be the only reason they were all gathered around to observe.
“Yunyun…”
“Yunyun is going to…!”
“Yunyun, the daughter of the chief, will…!”
They were watching her the way you would watch your personal hero. In the midst of it all, one of them muttered, “Yunyun’s a weirdo who’s embarrassed to even proclaim her own name. What’s going on here…?”
Aqua and I watched, too, swallowing heavily.
Sylvia closed the distance, flashing Yunyun a taunting smile. And here I’d thought she was through letting the Crimson Magic Clan provoke her. What was this? My questions were answered by the conversation that followed, as well as the object the girl showed to the chimera.
“…It’s true. The Skills field on your Adventurer’s Card doesn’t show any spells for teleporting through space… But are you sure you should have told me that you don’t have any way to run like a scared little animal?”
I didn’t know what they had said to each other before we arrived, but I could take a good guess. Yunyun had gotten Sylvia’s attention by telling her that she was unable to teleport. Sylvia, after all, was clearly sick of having the Crimson Magic wizards disappear on her at the last second. And now Yunyun was deliberately admitting that she couldn’t. That rock looked like a difficult spot to escape from, too. She might be able to jump down, but even if she hit the ground running, she would never get to her friends before Sylvia caught her. I knew all about charging in headlong, but this was ridiculous…
I was about to call out to Yunyun when I felt a tug at my elbow. I looked and found that Megumin had arrived, leading Komekko by the hand, along with a dejected-looking Darkness.
“Kazuma,” she said, “did you find the weapon? When we realized Komekko was not at the evacuation point, Yunyun decided to distract Sylvia like that to buy us time to go back to the house and get her…”
I looked at Komekko. She seemed a little dazed; she had obviously just woken up. Apparently, she’d slept through the entire commotion until just a moment ago.
That girl was going to be trouble one day.
“I’m glad you were able to get her. You’ll be happy to know that we found the weapon. But what’s with you, Darkness? Did something happen?”
“At first I was able to bait Sylvia just like we planned, but… But before long, she said she didn’t have any interest in fighting a woman who was all defense and no attack…”
Aqua patted Darkness’s hanging head.
Apparently, once Sylvia had realized Darkness couldn’t actually fight, she’d decided to go somewhere else.
Well, we had more important things to worry about.
“I get it; everything sucks right now. But listen, we have to help Yunyun before—”
“No!” Megumin said. “You must not interfere! She has something up her sleeve. It’s all right. Judging by the flattened grass around that rock, help is already there. Let us simply watch!” Her eyes shone with anticipation.
Help was already there? But it didn’t look to me like anyone was even trying to get close to Yunyun.
For some reason—maybe because the rock she was on came to such a narrow point—Yunyun was standing on one leg like a crane, perfectly balanced.
“My name is Yunyun! Arch-wizard, wielder of advanced magic…”
Then, just for a second, she glanced at Megumin, standing next to me.
“…first among the spell-casters of the Crimson Magic Clan, and she who will one day be chief of this village!”
“What did she call herself?!” Megumin exclaimed in shock. It looked like there was a bit of rivalry for the title of first among the Crimson Magic Clan spell-casters.
All crimson eyes were on Yunyun. Her usual timidity was gone. She whipped back her cape in a dramatic flourish.
“Sylvia, general of the Demon King! As the daughter of the chief of the Crimson Magic Clan—I shall show you a secret spell known only to members of the chieftain’s line!”
With one hand, she raised her wand high, then murmured something briefly to the heavens. She must have incanted some kind of lightning magic ahead of time, because an unmissable bolt of blue light crashed down behind her out of the clear dawn sky. It was an effect worthy of a hero’s entrance.
As Yunyun stood there striking her pose, the thunder still rumbling in the air, I realized that the onlooking Crimson Magic Clan members were weeping.
“…Oh…! …Sniff…! ”
Even Megumin had tears in her eyes.
…Huh?
Right when I had run out of ideas, everyone else in the village suddenly seemed to be getting excited.
“Yunyun! Yunyun has finally awakened!”
“Yunyun, daughter of our chief, is coming out of her shell at last!”
“Awesome! Yunyun, you’re so cool!”
“Yunyun is waking up to the power within her!”
“That’s my student! I trained her! That’s it, Yunyun, use everything I taught you!”
Yunyun’s dramatic display really seemed to have played well with this audience. I had always felt like Yunyun was kind of on her own, but with this, she had been truly recognized as part of the village.
In other words, the one sane girl had fallen from grace.
* * *
Yunyun’s desire to save everybody had clearly banished her embarrassment for the moment. But I would have to keep an eye on her, because I was pretty sure that when she came back to her senses later and realized what she’d done, she would get so upset she might try to kill herself.
Our newly confident Yunyun stood facing down Sylvia, unflinching. Just for a second, she glanced at the air next to her—but there was nothing there.
“What’s wrong, little Teleport-less girl? Secret techniques and special abilities—you Crimson Magic Clan people are all talk. And what are you, their spokeswoman? Where is this secret spell of yours?”
Sylvia’s taunt showed she was starting to get impatient, but still Yunyun didn’t move an inch. Sylvia started to slither closer. Still, Yunyun didn’t budge. Finally, Sylvia coiled up her body and snapped herself straight like a bow, launching herself at the rock where Yunyun stood.
Even more quickly than Sylvia could strike, Yunyun jumped down from the rock and set off at a dash. Sylvia, by now thoroughly vexed at Crimson Magic Clan members getting away from her, shouted, “You think you can run? I won’t let you go! I won’t—”
Sylvia looked mad with joy at the prospect of the chase, but then, still perched atop the rock where Yunyun had been a moment before, she stopped dead. It was almost as if she had found some invisible thing blocking the way. I squinted to see what was going on, and suddenly two people appeared out of thin air in the direction Yunyun had gone. It was Bukkororii and Soketto.
One of them had been using light-bending magic right up until that moment. And if there were two of them, that meant the other must already be prepared with a Teleport spell.
Yunyun ran up to them. Sylvia reached out a hand, panicked.
“No…! You can’t—!”
“ Teleport !”
Bummer for her.
As the Crimson Magic Clan looked on apprehensively, Sylvia began visibly shaking.
“……Heh-heh-heh… Ahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha! So much for the all-powerful Crimson Magic Clan! You’re nothing but talk! You haven’t shown me any magical power whatsoever! You and everyone associated with you are just a bunch of spineless losers!” She couldn’t stop laughing. Was she angry-mad or was she crazy-mad?
The others and I hid at a safe distance.
“Aqua,” I said, “she’s wide open now. Get ready to fire. You remember that spell you used earlier that left her dress all torn up? We’ll compress that and shoot it out of this thing. They only asked us to get the weapon, but I think we can put a nice, dramatic finish on this.”
“Ah, my time to shine at last, huh? Sounds good. I love a plum assignment.”
There was no call to monologue or give Sylvia any warning. It was her fault for leaving herself open. Aqua nodded, magic at the ready. I used Ambush to conceal our intent to attack and Deadeye to take aim. I pointed right at Sylvia, who was still crowing wildly. Time to show off the skills I’d learned sniping in video games.
“ Sacred Exorcism !” The moment Aqua spoke, the magic absorber on the back of the rail gun sucked up her magic.
“ Deadeye !!”
I immediately pulled the trigger that would launch the compressed magic at Sylvia…
…and nothing happened.
“ Huh?” I pulled the trigger several times— click, click —but the gun didn’t look like it was going to shoot anything at all. “Aww, c’mon!” I exclaimed. “What’s wrong? Is it broken? Is the safety on or something…?” I gave the rail gun a hearty shake, but it didn’t seem to help.
“ Sacred Exorcism ! Sacred Exorcism !!” As I looked at the gun, befuddled, Aqua kept chanting her spell. Maybe it amused her to see the thing absorb her magic.
Hrm. This gun had been serving as a clothesline for who knew how long. It wasn’t as young as it used to be.
“Let me have a look. I know how to fix these things,” Darkness said, and then gave the gun a solid smack.
Was she really the product of a high-class education and noble breeding?
“If you’re going to hit it, try a little higher,” I said. “Right—there. Maybe the magic is plugged up inside or something.”
“Wait,” Megumin said, “is that the weapon? It looks suspiciously like the drying pole Cheekera was so proud of. Anyway, perhaps there is something non-magical stuck in it. Shall I go find a pole to clean it with?”
Darkness continued to pound on the rail gun while Megumin wandered off to find something to help muck out the barrel.
“Hey,” Aqua said in the middle of all this, pulling on my sleeve. “Heeey…!” She was pointing at something in the distance.
“What? What is it? Try your magic again. Maybe the last one, I don’t know, isn’t compatible with this thing or something. Try a different spell this t—”
As I spoke, I followed Aqua’s finger to find that Sylvia, eyes bloodshot, was looking right at us.
“Well, now, what are you up to? What have you got there? Such an interesting little toy!”
It was obvious that I was her new target.
8
“Just wait right there, little boy! Set down that thing you’re holding and walk away. Call it a Demon King general’s intuition, but I’ve got a bad feeling about that item.”
Sylvia’s silver body slithered straight for us, completely ignoring the Crimson Magic Clan wizards who tried to hold her back. She seemed to have guessed that my rail gun was dangerous.
What was I going to do? Was there someone I could foist the gun off on?
“Waiiit!” Aqua exclaimed from behind me, Komekko in her arms. “Your stats are so much lower than mine—how come you’re so fast when we’re running away? Is this what you took the Flee skill for? Wait! Don’t leave me!”
Somewhere along the line, Komekko had picked up Chomusuke and was cradling her, just as Aqua was cradling Komekko.
This girl was going to be serious trouble.
“What’s going on? Hurry it up! Darkness, you’re falling behind—you need to lose some weight!”
“Dammit, don’t say it like that! Say my armor weighs too much!”
I didn’t know when Darkness had had time to equip her armor, but now it was slowing her down. As she fretted about my choice of words, Sylvia closed in, almost on top of her. This wasn’t getting me anywhere! The gun was too heavy. I had to get rid of it…!
“Running won’t save you, Kazuma Satou! And you, Crimson Magic Clan, hear this! From this day forth, you may count me your most feared enemy! Wherever you hide, I will find you, and I will squeeze the breath out of every last one of you! No matter where in the world you build your new home, I will come and destroy it!” Her words echoed around the burning village.
If we handed over the rail gun, maybe she would give up on us…
“I tell you, Crimson—or should I say Coward —Magic Clan! You and everyone you know shall live the rest of your lives with the ever-present fear of an attack, never knowing when I might strike!”
This failed to get a rise from any of the Crimson Magic Clan wizards, who didn’t appear to have taken any notice of Sylvia’s threat. From the way they had linked up with Yunyun to the way they used Teleport, I was starting to wonder if maybe these guys had some smarts after all. If only we could get them to put that intelligence to better use.
“My big sister is not a coward!”
A shout loud enough to drown out Sylvia’s cackling resounded through the village. It came from Komekko, still holding Chomusuke and still resting in Aqua’s arms. It kind of bothered me that Chomusuke looked sort of out of it and appeared to have teeth marks on her, but now wasn’t the time to worry about that.
“It is indeed hard to let such an insult pass. This quarrel is between the Crimson Magic Clan and the Demon King. If I give you the weapon Kazuma is holding, will you let these three go?”
If it wasn’t our short-tempered wizard, whose boiling point could be achieved with a warm breeze. She had suddenly stopped running and was pointing her staff at Sylvia.
Sylvia slowed at the sight; she licked her lips and smiled.
“Well, if it isn’t Kazuma’s undistinguished little friend. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you use any magic yet. What’s your specialty? Teleport, or some other kind of port?” She smirked.
Megumin responded flatly, “I have not told you my name yet, have I? My name is Megumin. And I am truly first among the spell-casters of the Crimson Magic Clan.”
Apparently, she was still miffed that Yunyun had tried to steal her title. But she didn’t give her name in the usual bombastic way. She spoke calmly and quietly. Sylvia looked surprised.
“You’re unusual for a Crimson Magic Clan wizard… No shouting and posing? I know how much your kind loves theatrics.”
Megumin didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at Sylvia’s taunt.
And in the middle of it all: “My big sis is awesome! She could even blow away a Dark God with her magic!” That was Komekko, still in Aqua’s arms.
Megumin glanced at her sister and gave a half smile. “I’m sorry. Please look after Komekko. She would go after the Demon King himself if you took your eyes off her. As for me, I will go use my special magical technique to rid us of this enemy.”
“H-hey,” I said, trying to stop her, but she paid me no mind—only took off the bandage over her eye. I thought she’d said it would be bad for her if the village found out she could use only Explosion. As I stood there worrying, Sylvia laughed again.
“Ah, the famous ‘special magical technique.’ How many times have I heard that?”
The other members of the Crimson Magic Clan started whispering, too.
“What’s going on? That’s Hyoizaburou’s girl. She used to have more style.”
“If she’s going to use special magic, she ought to build up to it a little more!”
“Yeah, where’s the pizzazz? The panache?”
They didn’t realize that Megumin really did have a serious trick up her sleeve. I had said we were keeping her in reserve, but that was just so our hot-blooded mage wouldn’t use her magic where the villagers would see. Megumin was raring to go, but I hated to see her use her Explosion at the wrong moment—to let her secret out when we weren’t even sure it would work. Plus, I didn’t have any confidence that I could run away while carrying the MP-less Arch-wizard.
“…Hey, Megumin, there’s something I have to tell you…”
“Kazuma—”
I was hoping to convince her to hold back, but she spoke at the same moment I did.
“—Aqua told me that…that you can read the ancient letters written in the underground storehouse.”
That gave me a shock. Why would she tell Megumin something like that?! For that matter, if she was bringing this up now, it could only mean…
“I’m sorry you always have to clean up our messes,” she said with the tiniest of smiles. “Just for today, let me clean up yours.”
…These Crimson Magic types really are smart. I finally understand that all too well.
Megumin’s eyes shone scarlet. Sylvia looked amused by her.
“Are you ready, little girl? I don’t suppose you’ll come at me on your own. I’ll chase you, and then you’ll run away or Teleport or who knows what.” There was a challenge in her voice. But our short-tempered wizard listened impassively, her staff at the ready.
Sylvia wasn’t the only one who grew suspicious at this. All of the onlooking Crimson Magic Clan members wore dubious expressions.
…We were in for it now. I had never seen Megumin so serious.
I knew how powerful her Explosions could be. The rest of the Crimson Magic Clan was just close enough that they might get caught up in the blast. But hopefully it wouldn’t be bad enough to kill anyone. And if Megumin could fire off her spell without causing any innocent casualties, she wouldn’t hold back.
“All of you, run!” I shouted. “Get as far away from Sylvia as you can! Seriously, get out of here!” But for some reason, this only provoked an Ooh from the assembled crowd.
“That’s Megumin’s friend for you! He may be a stranger, but he knows how to ratchet up the tension!”
“No kidding… You see the desperation on his face? He doesn’t even look like he’s acting!”
None of them was taking me seriously…
“You idiots! There’s some majorly powerful magic brewing! You have got to get out of here!”
Sylvia—and the whole Crimson Magic Clan—laughed at this. What did they think this was, stand-up comedy…? I gave up trying to convince them—whatever befell these guys wasn’t my responsibility anymore. Darkness and I rose to stand beside Megumin.
“Don’t worry, Megumin,” Darkness said. “If your Explosion doesn’t work, I’ll hold off that snake lady. Just the thought of those metallic coils squeezing me…!”
“Can you not even keep it together at a time like this?”
“I’ll stay as far away as I can—to keep Komekko safe!” I grabbed Aqua as she made a bald attempt to escape. I set the rail gun at my feet and drew my katana.
These antics brought a faint smile to Megumin’s face. And then, calmly and quietly, she began the chants for Explosion.
As they caught the sound of her incantation, all the Crimson Magic Clan members, watching from afar, immediately fell silent. That was experts in magic for you. They seemed to know what was going on. Why Megumin had been avoiding drama.
With drawn faces, the Crimson Magic Clan wizards all began evacuating. Sylvia was looking from one of them to the next, unsure of what was going on. For almost a year now, I had heard Megumin’s chants every day—more times than I could count. I had a pretty good idea of when she would be finished.
Eventually, perhaps because of the magical power welling up in Megumin or maybe because of the way the other wizards were reacting, even Sylvia seemed to catch on that all that talk about a special technique was no joke. Constantly having her prey escape from her seemed to have left her drained. She almost looked frightened in the face of Megumin’s absolute seriousness.
“A secret technique? Pfah! Y-you can explode me, or blow me up, or use whatever high-level magic you like on me! Now that I am one with Mage-killer, I can take anything you throw at me! And when you see that you’ve failed, then you will all meet your end!”
Sylvia made this pronouncement with both arms crossed in front of her face.
Megumin opened her crimson eyes wide, pouring all her magic into a single spell.
“ Explosion !!!!”
An overwhelming magical power surged through her staff, blasting out from the tip.
“Wha—?!”
When she realized what spell Megumin had used, Sylvia’s face contorted in terror as the light from Megumin’s staff lanced out…
…and was absorbed by the rail gun at my feet.
““““Huh?””””
We weren’t the only ones to exclaim—the other wizards and even Sylvia cried out at this completely, totally unexpected turn of events.
At the same moment, Megumin, her magic spent, collapsed onto the ground.
Sylvia, enraged by the fact that we had managed to actually threaten her, shouted, “Try to intimidate me, will you, you little brat?! When I get my hands on you, I’ll tear you limb from limb!”
I guess that was the male part of her talking. She was rushing at us, steam practically coming out of her ears. I guess Hell hath no fury like a Sylvia scorned. I liked her feminine side better!
“Dammit! This stupid piece of junk just doomed us all!”
“K-Kazuma!” Darkness said. “Sylvia’s coming! You take Megumin and get out of here. Then come back and rescue me—but maybe let me endure my fate at Sylvia’s hands for an hour or so first.”
“Dear Kazuma! As a goddess, I must protect this precious little life called Komekko—so I’m getting out of here! Bye!”
Some friends!
“Hey, something’s going bleep bloop .”
Komekko suddenly spoke up from where she was cradled in Aqua’s arms beside me.
I followed her gaze and noticed that the little display on the side of the rail gun read, FULL .
I thought back to the diary. This weapon compressed magic and then shot it out. It wasn’t broken at all; it just hadn’t had enough magical power stored up to fire a shot.
I grabbed it, aimed it at Sylvia’s onrushing form, and…
“Sylvia, general of the Demon King! When you arrive in the netherworld, say hello to the other generals for me! Remember my name—it’s BOOM !”
…I delivered the most dramatic line I could and made to pull the trigger. But Komekko, reaching over from where Aqua was holding her, got there first.
The rail gun gave a massive kick, and a bright light burst from the muzzle. Sylvia raised her silver tail as a shield, but the light punched right through it and then through her, leaving a gaping hole in her chest.
Even then, it showed no sign of stopping. The beam of light flew straight on to the sacred mountain behind Crimson Magic Village, colliding with it and knocking off a part of it…
…and with a blinding flash and a deafening roar, the light disintegrated the piece of mountain.
The heat of the shot had twisted the barrel of the weapon. I tossed it aside at the same moment that Sylvia’s huge body fell to the ground with a heavy thump .
Lying there on the verge of death, Sylvia spat blood and murmured distantly, “…Wh-what? Is… Is this how it ends for me?”
At the sight of her, everyone, even the Crimson Magic Clan wizards watching from a safe distance, stood dumbfounded.
Just then, Komekko jumped out of Aqua’s arms and struck a pose.
“My name is Komekko! First among the beguiling little sisters of the Crimson Magic Clan! And she who is stronger than the general of the Demon King!”
Aww, man! She stole my moment!
9
When Sylvia had breathed her last, the Crimson Magic Clan said they would take care of the body. Given that she had merged with Mage-killer, they thought they could put her remains to good use making items that would repel magic. Talk about finding the silver lining.
As for the village, which just that morning had been all but leveled by Sylvia’s attack…
“What’s going on here?” I said in amazement as I watched things being rebuilt with incredible speed. All the rubble had been cleaned up with magic. Golems had been temporarily made from bedrock, and they were helping with building projects. There was even a six-armed demon that had been called using summoning magic, a carpenter’s tool in each of its six hands…
“…Hey, Megumin. What’s the deal? How can you rebuild so fast?” The outrageousness of the entire Crimson Magic Clan came home to me again.
“Is this fast? I do not know how long it takes to rebuild other towns, so I cannot say.”
“Well, about how long do you think it’ll take before the village is completely back to normal?”
“Perhaps three days, I suppose.”
Three days?!
A general of the Demon King razes your village, and you put everything back in three days?
“But I saw this girl with a super-sad look on her face going, ‘Our village… It’s burning…’ And I felt really guilty, and—”
“That is most strange. Everyone in the village should know that a few burned-down buildings are easy enough to repair. What kind of person was this?”
What kind…? I’m pretty sure she was wearing a bandage a lot like Megumin’s…
“…That’s her,” I said, pointing at a girl with a covering over her eye who just happened to walk by at that moment.
“What’s her?” the girl said. “You want something with me, outlander? ’Sup, Megumin, I’ve been looking for you.”
“Oh, Arue. I have not seen you in a while.”
It looked like Megumin and the bandaged girl knew each other.
Wait—Arue?
“Megumin, take a look at this. I just finished it—it’s chapter two of the Chronicle of the Hero of the Crimson Magic Clan . I’m especially happy with the scene where Crimson Magic Village burns. It’s pretty much my masterpiece.”
The scene where the village burns…?
Arue…?
I knew that name…!
Wasn’t Arue’s stupid letter the reason…
“Oh-ho? Let me have a look—”
…we even came here in the first place?!
“It’s youuuu !”
“Ahhhhhh!”
I grabbed the paper she had given to Megumin and tore it clean in two.
“Ahhh! My… My masterpiece… The gem I pulled a week of all-nighters to craft…”
Megumin patted Arue on the shoulder as she scrambled to collect the scraps of paper I’d dropped to the ground.
“Arue, I thought nothing could move you. I have never seen you like this before.”
“This is all your fault…!” I said. “Do you know how eager I was—how overjoyed—and then how devastated?! All because of you! How dare you play with a man’s heart like that!”
“M-Megumin, who is this brute?! Is this how you greet someone you’ve never met before? You’re going to give me a heart attack!”
“I’m the one who almost had a heart attack! You and your ‘Our village… It’s burning…’! As if it really meant something to you! Screw your ‘chronicle’! While we were all out there putting our lives on the line, you were shut up in your room writing this junk?! Do you have any idea what heartbreak I suffered because of that stupid story you sent Yunyun?!”
“Stupid story?!”
“Both of you, calm down. How can two complete strangers act so…familiar—? Hey! Both of you! If you insist on fighting, I shall let my newly increased level do the talking!”
10
It was our last night in the surprisingly rapidly rebuilt Crimson Magic Village.
“Kazuma,” Megumin said, “what’s wrong? You seemed in such a good mood when we were all having dinner together. Then you go out, and when you get back, you look ready to tear someone’s head off.”
It was true; my face had been stormy since earlier. “What’s wrong?! I’ll tell you what’s wrong! That ‘Mixed Bath’ down the street? False advertising! It’s not mixed bathing! It’s not even a bath!”
Megumin seemed to understand what I was saying.
“Ah,” she said, “you went there, did you? That building is for tourist use. Every traveler who visits the village goes at least once.”
“What is the problem with this village?! Even the bathhouse is like some sick joke! Man! This is the worst trip ever.”
Sylvia was defeated, and we had cleaned up the rest of the Demon King’s forces in the area. The village had been rebuilt, and everything seemed to have a nice little bow on it…
“Really? I quite enjoyed myself this time.”
Megumin rolled over next to me in bed as she spoke. I would really have liked to just sleep quietly on our last night here, at least, but I ended up stuck in Megumin’s room again. Yuiyui didn’t even have to manipulate everyone. Megumin volunteered—she said it was better than having another Sleep spell cast on her. If she had been that straightforward about it in the first place, maybe I wouldn’t have had such a strong urge to sexually harass her.
Darkness voiced her usual objections, and she and Hyoizaburou soon found themselves in dreamland. And I found myself lying in bed next to Megumin.
“Well, good for you. As for me, I mean between the orcs and Sylvia, I seem to be attracting a lot of, y’know, unwanted attention recently.”
“It is just coincidence. I have had a similar experience the last few days.”
“S-sorry again…”
When I thought about how I had acted, I couldn’t quite bring myself to look at her.
Beside me, Megumin snickered.
“If you’re feeling guilty, you could… I know. Tell me an interesting story. I’d really like to hear something about your home country.” Then she turned toward me…
“…so I thought as fast as I could, and I said to the girl next door, ‘Take this money, buy some chocolate, and bring it to my house on the day. You can keep all the change.’ It went perfectly. My little brother only got the one chocolate, from our mom. And I got two: one from our mom and the one from that girl. And so the long battle between my brother and me came to an end, and I taught him not to mess with his big brother.”
Megumin, who had listened raptly to my entire story, said, “So in other words, you won by paying off a girl. I’m actually glad to know you’ve always been that way… But what an odd custom. Is it really such a bad thing not to get any chocolates on that day?” She seemed very interested in this, the darkest of days on my country’s calendar.
“A bad thing? Let me put it this way. If you told me I had one chance to go back in time, I would find the guy who started that tradition and wipe him off the face of the earth. That’s how bad it is for guys who don’t get any chocolates. And even if you survive, where I come from, you have to give a gift in return.”
“…A gift in return? How does that work?”
I explained to her the awful truth. “So, say you get chocolates from a girl. A month later, you have to give that girl a gift worth three times as much as what you got. How bad is that? And if you don’t, it’s pretty much social suicide with any girl you know. If you don’t give anything to her, she’ll point at you and laugh behind your back. But if you do, then you’ll end up broke! And that’s the story of the terrible event known as Valen-something-or-other.”
When I was finished, Megumin cocked her head as if in surprise.
“Why didn’t you get any chocolates, Kazuma? It is true you have a number of tremendous flaws as a human being, but even so, I do see good things about you when we’re together. For example, you’re very…very…kind? No, that’s not it. Sincere…? No, not that, either… Huh? Hmm… You’re rather skilled at getting along in the world. Wait, but then again, there was all that debt… Huuuh?”
Oh, “huuuh” yourself. Try a little harder. I’m sure you’ll think of something.
“…Well, you may be manipulative, but despite everything, you do look out for your friends. I don’t hate that about you.”
I look out for my friends, huh? Isn’t that just what girls say when they don’t really see you as a member of the opposite sex? Like “You’re a nice person”?
Then again, since I wasn’t looking for a love connection here, I guess I didn’t really mind. What with the trauma of the orcs and everything with Sylvia—well, anyone would be a bit suspicious when it came to being noticed by someone who looked like a member of the opposite sex. So I didn’t care, even if she couldn’t come up with a single heartfelt word of praise!
“If I ever go to your country, Kazuma, I’ll give you chocolates on that day. You can make sure your brother sees them.” She sounded relaxed and friendly, in her own way.
“You weren’t listening. I said that on Whatever-tine’s Day, girls give chocolates to boys they like . If you go around giving chocolates to every guy you’re sort of friends with, you better believe they’ll get the wrong idea, and then you’ll be in trouble. You’re kinda cute, so if you were too generous with the candy in my country, people might start thinking you were easy.”
In response, she said:
“But I do like you, Kazuma.”
She said it so easily, as though it was no big deal.
“Wait, let’s go over that again. Say that one more time.” I wasn’t going to let myself think I had heard something really important when I hadn’t.
Megumin, tucked in so just her head peeked out of the covers, gave a strange little giggle. “I don’t not like you, Kazuma.”
“Hey, that’s not what you said! My memory isn’t that bad!”
This just made Megumin laugh again.
“Kazuma. Hypothetically—”
“What is it? Hypothetically what? I’m ready; bring it on.”
Was she about to let the mood take her and confess her true feelings for me? Could it really be? Sylvia was gone; there was nothing that could disturb us tonight.
Megumin seemed to muster her resolution. “ Kazuma, if you could have a… ”
Yes? A what? Go on! Keep talking!
I all but trembled with anticipation. Megumin asked quietly:
“…a truly great wizard, would you want her?”
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