Chapter 2
May I Reeducate This Intelligent Girl!
1
The world was shrouded in darkness; it wouldn’t be unusual for most people to be in bed around this time.
But despite the hour…
“““Welcome back, Your Highness!”””
A host of servants offered a greeting almost as though they’d been waiting for us.
We were in the great hall of the castle in the center of the country’s capital. I could barely process any of it for wondering how I’d gotten myself into this. I could only follow the princess’s lead.
She and White Suit showed me to a luxurious room on one of the castle’s upper floors. Then White Suit said she had to make a report and disappeared somewhere, leaving the princess and the mage woman and me.
The people we had passed on the way didn’t give me any perturbed looks; they just offered a slight bow and went about their business. Not to be too self-deprecating, but are they sure they want to leave someone like me alone to wander the castle freely?
What to do, what to do? I really wanted to go home. Never mind the fact that until just a little while ago, I’d been so taken with the princess that if she had asked me to be her personal knight, I would have seriously considered it.
As I stood there, still panicked over my sudden kidnapping, Iris whispered to her mage. The woman nodded and then said to me with a smile:
“‘Mr. Kazuma Satou, welcome to our castle. As you’ve been invited here as a guest, there’s no need to stand on ceremony or take undue consideration. Please make yourself at home. For the time being, this room shall be yours. Now, then. More adventure stories!’ …So sayeth the princess.”
“I’m sorry, Miss, uh…Miss Mage. Could you, um, come here for just a second?” I retreated to one corner of the room and gestured to the mage.
“Yes? Oh, you can call me Lain. There’s no need to be particularly formal with me. I’m a noble after a fashion but from a very small house, not worth comparing with the Dustiness family. As a friend of Lady Dustiness, you practically rank higher than me.”
“Okay, then. Miss Lain. Can I ask you something?”
“No need to be formal. You don’t have to afford me any special form of address at all… Anyway, yes, what is it?”
She sounded a bit disappointed, but she was an older, noble mage, and a woman to boot. I didn’t have the nerve to call her by her name alone when we’d only just been introduced. Especially not after White Suit had spent the entire time at Darkness’s house berating me for being rude. And now I didn’t have Darkness to cover for me in the event of any faux pas. Even if Lain said it was all right, I couldn’t help hedging my bets.
With one eye on the princess, who looked a little bored, I said quietly, “So, uh, Miss Lain. I’d like to get an explanation somewhere along the line here. I know the princess said she invited me as a guest, but…this is really a kidnapping, isn’t it?”
“No, you’ve really been invited as a guest. Not kidnapped.”
“I’ve totally been kidnapped!”
Lain ignored my interjection but leaned a little closer and whispered:
“…I can tell you, I’ve never seen the princess act this way in her entire life. She’s normally an upstanding member of the royal family and doesn’t cause trouble for anyone. And there’s no one in this castle who’s of both the right age and the right social status to play with her. Please indulge this first act of selfishness and stay to be her playmate for a while. Won’t you?”
……Ummm…
“That’s not really the point. To be completely honest, I pretty much told her all my adventure stories earlier. Maybe you could be so kind as to tell her that so she’ll let me go home? Just say I’m fresh out of stories.”
So Lain went back over to the princess and whispered all this to her.
Eventually…
“She says…‘I brought you here as a little bit of payback to Lalatina for slapping me.’” Beside the mage, Iris was listening to this with a certain despondence. “‘And also because you and Lalatina and your friends looked like you were having a lot of fun, and I was jealous… I’m sorry for suddenly doing something so selfish. Please, will you play with me? Even for just a few days?’”
…Okay, that’s pretty sweet. Really, all they’re asking is for me to be the princess’s playmate for a while, right? And if I say no, she’ll just get upset, and then Darkness’s reputation will be down the drain, right? Can’t let that happen.
“…All right. Okay, then, why don’t I tell you a little bit about Darkness…I mean, Lalatina? Miss Lain, if you could be so kind as to explain to my friends that I’m staying here for a little bit? I wouldn’t want them to worry.”
She agreed to my request and left. Suddenly, the princess and I were alone in the opulent room.
Well, sort of. Two female knights stood just outside the door, probably the princess’s bodyguards. But still, a lot of unsettling questions ran through my mind: Did they really want to leave a girl of her age alone at night with a young man? Especially some weirdo they’d just met and dragged here? Even if I explained this was all the princess’s doing, I couldn’t imagine the king or the other VIPs taking this lightly if they found out.
The princess seemed to read my thoughts. She smiled and said, “My father is with my older brother and the generals, heading for the town where they’re going to make their stand against the Demon King. And nobody will get upset about a little thing like this… When it’s just the two of us, you can talk to me just like you do to Lalatina—or Darkness, I guess you call her. Please, tell me everything about life outside the castle.”
She sat on the bed, eager to listen.
2
White Suit came back after she had finished delivering her reports and taking care of procedures.
“Pardon me. Your Highness, I’ve made the arrangements. Mr. Kazuma, you’re our official guest now, so please, be at liberty here in the castle.”
I was right at the climax of the story I was telling.
“And then Darkness says, ‘Erg… H-how did this happen…?’ And then, naked as the day she was born, she goes around behind me, red up to her ears, takes my towel, and filled with shame, she…”
“And? And what?!”
“And what, indeed! Teaching Princess Iris things like that—do you want me to cut you down?!”
White Suit took in the sight of the princess, lying on the bed listening to me with rapt attention, and jumped between us as if to cover her. Her sword was out of its scabbard as she shouted at me.
“H-hang on a second! Just a minute! Iris said she really wanted to hear—”
“How dare you! You, a lowly adventurer, presume to refer to Her Highness without so much as a title of respect? You will call her ‘Your Highness’! And you will speak to her with proper formality!”
G-geez, this lady’s a pain!
“Stand down, Claire. I told Master Kazuma that he could call me by my name, and further that he should speak naturally to me. B-but anyway. Master Kazuma, what did… What did Lalatina do, naked and embarrassed and with your towel? You must tell me!”
“No, Your Highness! You mustn’t listen to such stories, and Master Kazuma, you mustn’t tell them to her! A-anyway, surely the rumors that you and Lady Dustiness were in the bath together are—are only rumors, aren’t they?”
The princess had been lying on the bed, her fists clenched in eager anticipation of the outcome of my tale. She urged me to continue. I sat on a chair and spoke to White Suit, aka Claire, who seemed every bit as intent on hearing my story as Her Highness was.
“I haven’t said a single untrue thing. If you don’t believe me—well, a castle this big must have one of those, you know, those bells like they use in big-city police stations during interrogations to find out if you’re telling the truth. The ones that ring when you tell a lie? You could bring in one of those if you want.”
That seemed to convince her I was telling the truth. For the moment, Claire put her sword away, but she glared at me and said, “Let’s say I believe you. I admit I’ve done nothing but doubt you since our meeting at Lady Dustiness’s manor. But all the same, I must ask you not to tell Princess Iris such stories!”
“I’m of the impression that the decision of whether or not to listen to my stories is Princess Iris’s to make. Surely Her Highness’s handmaiden is not the one to mete out orders. Consider her royal disappointment at being interrupted just when she was listening with such interest! Go on, scat! I’m gonna finish my story, so beat it!”
“You think I’d let you finish a story like that? And I am no mere handmaiden! I am Claire, eldest daughter of the Sinfonia family, a house no less noble than that of the Dustinesses, who seem to be so fond of you. I am Princess Iris’s bodyguard, and…”
She started babbling on about her accomplishments. I ignored her, instead saying to Iris, “Well, if White Suit here says that story is off-limits, how about a different one?”
“Wh-White Suit! You barbarian, you shall refer to me as Lady Claire! Argh, I am so sick of you! I can’t imagine how much Lady Dustiness must suffer every day…”
Claire’s aggressive attitude must have registered with the princess, because with evident disappointment, she said, “I guess we don’t have a choice… It’s a shame, but we’ll have to postpone the rest until another time.”
This obedient declaration earned a sigh of relief from Claire. I see—I guess Iris really is a good little girl most of the time.
“All right, something else, then. Once Darkness and I had a duel, and whoever lost would have something awful done to them. So let me tell you what happened when I won…”
“Y-y-yes, absolutely! I want to hear that one!”
“A-absolutely not! Your Highness, you must not listen to this man! He is a bad, bad man!”
3
It must have been past midnight. Claire had been listening to my stories along with the princess, blowing up at me, then blowing up at me again, and finally, for a change, blowing up at me. It kept her very busy.
But all that rage must have finally tired her out, because she had collapsed on the bed where the princess sat and fallen asleep.
As for the princess, my stories must have really struck a chord with her, because she was still listening intently, showing no signs of getting sleepy. We had really hit it off, and formalities were out the window. However, I had long ago run out of both my own stories and those about my friends.
“Really? Tell me more about this ‘culture festival’ at this ‘school’ of yours!”
“More? Well, it’s just for kids about your age, Iris, and they do all these presentations. Like, some of them might set up a pretend café.”
Our conversation had turned to the country I’d come from. I just told her it was somewhere very far away, omitting the fact that it was also in another world. The princess seemed awfully jealous just hearing about my life at school; she had never even seen Japan, but she already looked like someone thinking fondly of home.
There were no monsters; kids her age got to study and play in peace every day. It was a life that had seemed totally boring to me, but for her…
“Your country sounds like so much fun! It’s like something out of a dream. I can’t believe it… But trying to run a pretend café with people my age? What do they do when some derelict comes in and says he won’t pay? And isn’t that an awful lot of people working one location? Do they really make enough profit to cover everyone’s salary?”
She seemed to think I’d had a life worth envying.
I smiled at the princess—she was so much younger than me. “The point of the ‘café’ is to have fun. They’re not really out to make money. It’s…almost like playing make-believe. Everyone wears their school uniforms and tries to attract customers. It’s all in good fun.”
The princess looked more envious than ever—but also just a little sad. And I guess that made sense.
This girl was royalty. She had no commoner friends, and she’d never been to school.
In this world, it seemed like no one except the highly intelligent Crimson Magic Clan, with their unique culture, had compulsory education. It wasn’t on a big scale, but the clan did make sure everybody attended school from the time they were small. From that perspective, maybe they really were ahead of the curve.
…Even if they were also completely insane.
“School…,” the princess whispered, longing in her voice.
I said casually to her, “If you like the idea that much, how about you start a school here? I’ll bet it couldn’t hurt. And it would definitely help the nation as a whole.”
Just for a second, the princess looked like she was going to say something, but then she stopped.
…?
As I was wondering what was going on, a clanging bell shattered the night’s quiet. It caused Claire to spring up from where she was sleeping. She collected herself quickly despite the rude awakening.
“…Ugh, again?” she muttered, then jumped off the bed and rushed out of the room.
What? What again?
Before I could ask, a voice boomed through the town. It sounded like the emergency quest announcements we occasionally got in Axel.
“Demon King army attack warning! Demon King army attack warning! All knights, sortie immediately. All adventurers are to help preserve public order. Come to the center of town and prepare to repel any monster attack. All high-level adventurers, we request your cooperation!”
The announcement had brought a sad smile to the princess’s face.
“You see how it is. We don’t have the leisure to focus on schooling,” she murmured.
Then I remembered something Aqua had said to me before we came to this world.
She’d told me things were tough here because of some guy called the Demon King.
4
“The night attack by the Demon King has been repelled. We thank all adventurers for their cooperation. Compensation will be offered to all those who participated in the battle. Please stop by the desk at the Adventurer’s Guild to claim your reward.”
The announcement came less than an hour after Claire had run out of the room. They’d dealt with things surprisingly quickly. But this was supposed to be the capital of this country. If the Demon King could just launch a night attack any old time he wanted—didn’t that speak to a pretty dire tactical situation?
What were all the reincarnated cheaters from Japan doing? They needed to step it up!
I guess they probably wouldn’t want to hear that from me, given how little help I would be to them. Sheesh! I’d love to just leave the front lines behind me…
Maybe the look on my face gave me away.
“…Thank you for such a pleasant chat. Once the sun rises, you can have Lain take you back to your town. Would you apologize to Lalatina for me? I did take you away without asking… We’re not exactly on the front lines of the war with the Demon King, but attacks like this do occur from time to time. It’s not entirely safe.”
It almost sounded like the princess was concerned for me.
Even if I stuck around, I couldn’t protect this city. I couldn’t even help. I felt bad for the princess, but it would be best for me to get out of the line of fire as quickly as I could.
“Thank you for going along with my bout of selfishness today, Master Kazuma,” Iris said. “Perhaps you could…tell me more adventure stories some other time?” She gave me a girlish smile.
Damn, she’s pretty cute.
She spent all her time surrounded by servants and officials, never having any friends her own age to play with. I guess a story now and again wouldn’t hurt…
Her lovely, innocent face left me feeling a bit awkward. I smiled back at her, trying to hide it.
“Well, sure. To be honest, I’m pretty much a coward, so I’d like to go home as soon as I can. But for you? I’ll make sure to do lots of interesting things, and then I’ll come tell you about them.”
She looked at me, genuinely thrilled. “Hee-hee! Thank you. Somehow…you…remind me of how my older brother used to be. I do have an older brother, you know, but in a royal family, even close relatives turn formal after a certain point. He and I don’t talk like this anymore… The truth is, I wish you could stay a little longer, but it wouldn’t be fair to ask any more of you…”
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” She’d said it so casually.
With some embarrassment, she answered, “…Huh? Er, um…I…I really wish you could stay a little longer…”
But that wasn’t what I’d been asking about.
“I…I said this is how it used to be with my older brother…”
“That. Kindly say that again, please.”
“Y-you remind me of my elder brother,” she said hesitantly.
“Not so formally, if you don’t mind.”
Then she said it.
“You’re like my big brother…”
I decided to stay at the castle.
5
Tok, tok.
A knock came at my door, a thoughtful knock that wasn’t so loud as to upset the person in the room. I opened my eyes at the sound, confused to find myself in a strange place.
“Master Kazuma, are you awake? I’ve brought your breakfast.” The voice on the other side of the door jogged my memory of the events of the previous night.
That’s right. I had decided to live in this castle, starting today.
“Good morning. I’m up.”
That brought an acknowledgment from the other side of the door, and then a white-haired old man in a tuxedo appeared. I sat up in bed, and the old probably-a-butler wheeled in a cart loaded with food.
Let’s call him Sebastian.
“For breakfast today, we have Lesser Dragon bacon and fried eggs and a vegetable salad with plenty of fresh asparagus. Please choose any bread you like to go with it. The vegetables for the salad were picked just this morning. Asparagus has a high Attack value, so please take care that it doesn’t bite back.”
The old man set the food by the side of my bed while running down a menu that offered any number of chances for a smart remark. It was shocking enough to think that a dragon, the king of any fantasy world, might show up in bacon form, but powerful, aggressive asparagus was unsettling, too.
Maybe I should start with the easiest food. That would be the eggs.
And so, with impeccably poor grace, I leaned over in bed and speared the fried eggs with my fork.
“Kyuu!”
…Kyuu?
I froze when the eggs gave a cry. Slowly, I looked down at my plate, but at that moment, another knock came at the door.
“Come in,” I said, giving up on the eggs. The door opened gently.
“G-good morning…”
There, half-hidden in the shadow of the door, stood Iris, speaking softly and acting a little embarrassed. She looked over at me but hesitated to come in.
Well, this is a new side of her. I wonder what’s going on.
The women in my circle surely would have stood in front of the door crying, kicked it down, or threatened to blow it up with magic if I didn’t come out.
“Good… Good morning, Your Highness. We were talking until quite late last night—I’m surprised to see you up so early.”
“Um, so long as we’re in the castle, I’d be happy if you wouldn’t be so formal with me, if possible…”
We exchanged these hesitant greetings, then looked at each other awkwardly. I had been less formal yesterday, but that was in the middle of the night, and there had been kind of a weird tension between us.
Iris seemed to be a little calmer, too, now that it was morning. She was shooting me little glances, looking a bit embarrassed.
“You think? Okay, let’s go again.”
“Right! G-good morning, Big, um, Big Brother…!”
Big Brother! Those words made the tension rise in spite of the early hour, but if I made a stir about it, I would frighten Iris. Minding my gentlemanly manners, I got out of bed and gave her an indulgent smile. Maybe my mature behavior made her feel shy, because she went just a little bit red. It was adorable.
“Morning, Iris.”
“…Um, thank you, but…please put on some pants…”
Once I was fully dressed and had eaten, I went on a walk through the castle with Iris.
“You’ve got it all wrong, Iris—I swear I’m not some kind of weirdo. I just didn’t have any pajamas, so I was sleeping in my underwear this one night…”
“I understand! I know that now, so could you please stop talking about it, Elder Brother?”
Iris hadn’t called me Big Brother since the events of that morning. It was Elder Brother now, a term with a definite sense of distance.
When I asked what I should be doing in the castle, I was given to understand that I should just talk about things that Iris didn’t know or that might catch her interest.
“So I should kind of think of myself as your teacher, then.”
“No, you shouldn’t. Claire and Lain are my teachers. You’re more of—maybe a playmate?”
Beside me, Iris’s apologetic voice grew smaller and smaller, and finally she looked at the ground.
This girl was the most important person in the castle at the moment, so I wished she would be a little clearer on what she wanted. Maybe I could do something about this shyness. Iris had finished higher education, which made her strangely adult—maybe she was trying to be considerate toward those around her. She well understood how much power the royal family held and how much consternation she could cause for those around her with just a single self-indulgent demand.
Lain, the mage, had said that dragging me to this castle was the first selfish thing the princess had ever done. Apparently, she’d done it partly as a way to get back at Darkness, but at the same time, if all I had to do was be the royal playmate in order to earn a rich life in the castle, well, that didn’t sound so bad.
Lost in conversation, Iris and I found ourselves at the castle gardens. There were some parasols set up there, along with chairs and a table with a board game on it.
“Actually, I don’t have any lessons today, so I thought perhaps we could play this game together…” Her invitation was hesitant, as if she was afraid I might refuse.
I sat down and started lining pieces up on the board. “I’m not one of your servants, Iris, so don’t expect me to let you win after putting up a little fight. When I play, I play for real. They haven’t yet made a game I’ve lost at. You sure you wanna do this?”
“! Y-yes! That’s just what I want! Nobody in the castle will ever play against me—maybe they think they’re being polite. But I don’t mind losing! I really don’t, so please, give it everything you’ve got!”
“I like your spirit! Now, you won’t cry when I beat you, right? If you do, I bet I’ll get in a lot of trouble. Okay, here we go! If we’re really being serious, then we should start by wishing our opponent luck. Good luck!”
“Good luck!”
Then I made my first move…!
“Uh… Um, it’s getting dark out. Do you think maybe we could stop for today?”
“As if! Think you’re gonna win and then just ditch me? I told you, when I play, I play for real! I finally know all your little quirks, so now it’s just a matter of time till I beat you. Oh, and incidentally, don’t hold back just ’cause you want to wrap up, okay? If you let me win, I’ll know!”
“I know I was the one who wanted to play in the first place, but you can be an awfully annoying person, Elder Brother!”
“Whatever! I hate this stupid game anyway! One of my party members loves this game, but every time I get teleported, it drives me nuts!”
“Well, saying that to me doesn’t help much, does it?”
As we sat there arguing over the game board, Claire came running up to us, her face pale.
“I come back from getting dinner ready, and what do I find?! How dare you speak to the princess that way! Acknowledge your defeat like a man and come eat dinner before it gets cold! It isn’t your place to cause trouble for Princess Iris!”
“Damn it all! Thanks a lot, Claire. We’ll finish this tomorrow! And I’ll win for sure!”
“You child! You’re being such a child, Elder Brother!”
“Elder Brother?! Y-Your Highness, do you mean him?!”
Only the heated argument between Claire and me disturbed the tranquil, aristocratic atmosphere of the castle.
And that was how I became the princess’s playmate.
6
I could hear Lain talking in the room.
“—and so for that reason, members of the royal line have been born with more pronounced talents than the common people. Taking the hero who defeats the Demon King as a husband is more than simply a reward for that hero.”
Apparently, they were in the middle of history class. But it didn’t matter to me; I knocked on the door anyway.
“…Master Kazuma. I’m very sorry, but Princess Iris is studying right now. Perhaps I could ask you to come back later.” Lain, the instructor, spoke without letting much emotion show on her face.
“How much later is later? Five minutes?”
“Erm, no. Today, Her Highness will be busy with history class until evening.”
I peeked into the room. Iris looked at me and fidgeted. I guess no one had ever invited her to come play before, and she was happy about it. But she couldn’t really say that she wanted to quit class and go have fun, so there was a bit of trepidation mingled with her happiness.
“Sure, okay, fine. I’ll be killing time outside, then.”
“Thank you, please do. If you’ll excuse us, then…,” Lain said with a relieved sigh.
I left the room. Iris looked a bit disappointed, but there were some things even I didn’t have a choice in. I went into the garden and set up shop right outside the room where Iris was having class…
“I wiiish I could flyyy in the skyyy like my bamboo dragonflyyyy!”
I took out the bamboo dragonfly, a product I’d developed that Vanir had nixed, and began singing an advertising ditty at the top of my lungs. I was just sending it up into the air when the window flew open.
“Master Kazuma! Princess Iris is finding it most difficult to concentrate on her studies, so perhaps you could find somewhere else to sing and play!”
I passed the time trying my best to make study impossible. Finally Iris rushed out, class apparently over.
“Elder Brother, what was that magical device you had?! It looked like so much fun! Let me…try it…too…”
She really had come running; she was out of breath.
“Oh, you mean this? It’s a state-of-the-art magical device imbued with wind magic. It has unlimited uses. Just spin it around like this, and you can make it fly as many times as you want.”
“Wow! A magical device with unlimited uses is practically a divine item!”
She was so quick to believe what I’d told her. I gave her the bamboo dragonfly.
“How about we play a game? If you can meet a certain condition, I might give this to you as a present…”
“R-really?! Tell me, tell me! What condition?”
Ten minutes later…
“There! Checkmate! I wiiiin!”
“Uh-huh, you sure do. I lose. Gosh, Elder Brother, you really are like a child.”
“What’s this? Such arrogance, even in defeat. Well anyway, here’s the dragonfly, just like I promised.”
“Th-thank you! But…can I really have it? All I did was play a game at a one-piece handicap, and this is a powerful magical item…” Iris held the bamboo dragonfly carefully in both hands and spoke to me apologetically.
At that moment, someone called out to us.
“So this is where you’ve been, Your Highness. You went running off and left me, your poor bodyguard, and I’ve been looking for you ever since… Ah, Master Kazuma. Is that a bamboo dragonfly you have? I met an adventurer with a rather odd name once who made me something similar.”
Apparently, Lain had been looking all over for Iris, who had dashed for freedom as soon as class was over.
“You know who made this magical item, Lain? It’s wonderful, practically divine…!”
“Magical item? No, that’s… It’s just made of cut bamboo. It’s a children’s toy—anyone who knows how can make—”
Before Lain could finish, Iris’s eyes welled up with tears and she glared at me. “Elder Brother, you liar! This won’t stand—that win of yours doesn’t count!”
“Hey now, what did I say yesterday? I said I was playing as hard as I could and still couldn’t beat you. And I also said that if you can’t win on skill, you have to find some other advantage over your opponent. Today I homed in on your ignorance of the wider world to craft a successful strategy… You can’t not recognize your loss—that would make you the child!”
“! W-well, let’s play again, then! Let’s play right now! I’ll even take the handicap!”
“Whoops, it’s almost dinnertime. Look, here comes Claire to get you. I guess I’m undefeated today!”
This time, it was the opposite of the day before: Iris insisting on a rematch, and me trying to weasel out of it.
That was how Claire found us when she came to announce dinner.
“Do you mean to win and then just ditch me?! That’s no fair! Play me again! Claire, tell him! Come on, please?”
“Hey, Claire, what’s good for me is good for Iris, right? Tell her to just accept her loss and eat her dinner before it gets cold! Come on, out with it! You can’t let her off just because she’s the princess!”
Claire was caught between us, completely lost as to what to do.
“…I’m saying, don’t you ever want to leave the castle, Iris? I don’t mean just to go to towns like Axel or whatever. Don’t you want to see the mountains and the rivers? There are so many things we don’t know about this world. You might meet a demon with a weird reputation among the local housewives or maybe a friendly Lich who only eats bread crusts.”
Iris’s classes went until only noon today, so we were on the terrace of her room on the top floor, drinking tea and playing a game.
“Anytime I leave the castle, a whole unit of knights comes along to keep me safe,” Iris said. “And I’m not permitted to leave the capital without any attendants… Plus, there’s no way there are demons or Liches like that. Please don’t make too much fun of me just because you take me for a sheltered little girl… I’m teleporting to this space.”
She moved one of her pieces across the board, keeping a dubious eye on me as she did so. Apparently, yesterday had taught her to keep her guard up when dealing with me.
Beside me, Lain was pouring tea into my empty cup, not participating in the conversation.
I slid my piece along the board. “You look awfully suspicious. You know, there are things in this world that don’t conform to common sense. For example, normally you catch fish in the sea or in rivers, right? But did you know you can catch mackerel in fields?”
“You’re lying again!”
“No, it’s true! When I worked at a tavern, they told me, ‘Go to the fields out back and get some mackerel!’”
“I… I think maybe they were just making fun of you…”
As Iris offered this rude remark, Lain whispered in her ear, “Your Highness, Master Kazuma isn’t lying. You really can catch mackerel in fields.”
“Really?! Really… I would sooner believe dogs could fly…”
“I don’t know about any flying dogs,” I said, “but I know a cat who breathes fire.”
“This time you’re definitely lying! You liar! I knew you were a liar!”
“No, seriously, it’s true! It’s my friend’s pet!”
“M-Master Kazuma, that does strain credulity…”
“You too, Lain?! Dammit, why will no one believe me?!”
As I pounded the table in frustration, Iris said, “You let yourself get distracted, Elder Brother. Just as I planned! Looks like I win!”
And then she put me in checkmate with a girlish grin.
7
Over the course of our time together, Iris had gotten a lot better at rolling with the punches. So much so, in fact, that I started to wonder what had happened to the sincere, docile girl I’d first met. Sheesh, I mean I’m glad she’s learned to have a little fun, but I can’t help feeling like I’m the butt of her jokes these days.
And I was supposed to be a gamer, here. So how come I kept losing at our games? Maybe it was time to show her who was in charge again—if I wanted to have any hope of recovering my authority as the big brother.
It had been nearly a week since I’d come to this castle. Just as Iris had taken a shine to me, I was happily becoming accustomed to castle life.
Guess it’s past noon already.
Iris would be in class until three o’clock today.
I had just woken up. I made no effort to get out of my nice, soft bed but only sat up and clapped my hands twice. The sound caused a white-haired butler in an impeccable suit to appear.
“You called, Master Kazuma?”
“Yes, I’d like my morning coffee, Sebastian.”
Sebastian was my personal butler.
“I’m Heidel.”
“I’d like my morning coffee, Heidel.”
Apparently, Heidel was my personal butler.
Then, having asked for my coffee, I buried myself back under the covers. There should be one more person coming to take care of me sooner or later—my maid, Mary, would be in to change the sheets. But far be it from me to just get out of bed and let her change them. Making the maids’ jobs more difficult was a well-accepted custom among nobles. At least, I was sure that was what Darkness had said when I was making her be my maid. And anyway, it would be a perfect way to pass the time until Iris finished her lessons.
After a while, there was a knock on the door, just as I expected.
“G’morning, Mary. If you think you’re just going to waltz in here and change these sheets, you’ve got another think coming. Now, if you have any desire to change my bedding and get on with your work, repeat after me: ‘Please, Master…’”
But it was Darkness who came into the room.
“‘Please, Master,’ what…? Go ahead, Kazuma, say it. Tell everyone what you had in mind.” The voice belonged to Aqua, looking exasperated and following behind a shockingly serious Darkness. Megumin was with them.
“P-please, Master, give me the honor of…changing these sheets you’ve imbued with your fragrant aroma…”
“‘Fragrant aroma’?” Darkness said. “So you still haven’t lost your natural talent for sexual harassment. Hey, stop looking all embarrassed and finish your sentence! Don’t you want everyone to hear?”
“F-forgive me…! What are you guys doing here anyway?! This room is supposed to be my sanctuary! Who gave you permission to come in?!” I asked defiantly.
The Crusader gave me a dark frown. “Why am I here? I’ll tell you why—to take you back home! Geez, you think you can just lie around making trouble here? Let’s go! Just when I think I’ve imagined the worst thing you can possibly do, you come up with something even more awful! Think of poor Megumin! All the sleepless nights she’s spent, terrified that you were caught up in some life-threatening danger and would never come back to us!”
“I w-w-was not that worried! I’ve just had some late nights recently. Please spare me your misunderstandings!”
I wanted to interrogate the panicky Megumin a little further, but there was an even more important topic to address.
“Come home with you? As if! I’m Iris’s royal playmate! And my life here at the castle is wild, and fun, and stable, and I’ll thank you not to disturb it!”
“You moron! There’s no such thing as a royal playmate! Listen up, Kazuma, and I mean listen very closely: There is no reason for you to be at this castle. And if you think some nobody from nowhere can just hang around at the royal castle as long as he likes, you’re crazy!”
“Fine! Then I can be Iris’s tutor or something! Our little princess doesn’t know the first thing about the ways of the world—but I can fix that! Hey, how about you join her lessons? You’re the only person I know who might be even more sheltered than she is!”
“Y-you impossible man, are you seriously—? Tutor, my ass! Lady Claire told me all about the weird influence you’ve been having on Princess Iris! How you do the most inappropriate things during her lessons about military affairs and strategy! How you exploit her vulnerabilities…! Unlike adventurers, royals and knights don’t use dirty tricks! Don’t teach her to fight like you! Come on, Aqua, say something to him!”
Darkness passed the conversation to Aqua, who came toward me angrily with her hands on her hips.
“She’s right, Kazuma—it’s not fair that you’re the only one who gets to live in a castle! Defeating the Demon King’s generals was a team effort! If you get to live in a castle, I want to live in one, too! It’s only fair!”
Darkness shoved back past Aqua, who seemed to be off message. “On second thought, Aqua, don’t say anything to him! You’ll only make things harder.”
“Oh-ho, what’s this? You lost to me before—you want to challenge me again? I thought maybe you had some brains despite being a pampered little noble girl, but now I see you’re not a quick study. I’m going to live my wild and fun life in this nice, safe castle, and you guys had better just go home if you don’t want me to send you back in tears!”
“…Fine. A challenge it is, then. Everyone, please step out of the room.”
Darkness was wearing only a one-piece dress. She didn’t even have a weapon.
As Aqua and Megumin scuttled out of the room, I started to smile.
“Are you serious? No weapon, no armor—you really think you can win? One billowy dress is all you’ve got. And you know I have the ultimate antipersonnel weapon. One shot of my Steal is all it’s gonna take.”
“Try me,” Darkness said, unimpressed. She might have thought it was a bluff.
“…Maybe you don’t understand the position you’re in. You’re wearing next to nothing at all. If I use Steal about three times, it will be nothing at all. If you stop right now, I might still see my way to forgiving you—”
“I said, try me.” Darkness cut me off and took a step forward.
“Y-yeah, sure. Don’t joke around, okay? I’m really gonna get you.”
“Then do it, if you can! It’s just the two of us here! You want to strip me? Then strip me!”
Geez, she’s really serious all of a sudden!
“Wait! Okay! Let’s talk things out!”
“There’s nothing to talk about. My mind is already made up! Some mild sexual harassment I can put up with, but you’ve crossed the line hoping to intimidate me! Well, do your worst! Strip me naked, attack me, whatever you want! Just do it—if you’ve got the nerve!”
“I knew it! I knew you were the pervy one! I’m calling you Lewdness from now on! Ahhhhhh, it’s gonna break! You’re gonna break it! It was a lie! I’m sorry! S-somebody help me!”
Darkness had my arm in a viselike grip. With my face smooshed into the floor, all I could do was call for help from someone outside.
The answer came from…
“U-um, Lalatina… Please…! Don’t hurt him too badly…”
Apparently, Iris’s lessons had ended early, and she had come to play. Now she looked at Darkness beseechingly.
Darkness had slapped her once already, yet she didn’t hesitate to try to save me. My dear little sister.
“Your Highness,” Darkness said, “you mustn’t go too easy on this man! He’s a lecherous wolf in sheep’s clothing! As soon as he sees a woman, he wants to get in the bath with her or use his skills to steal her panties. That’s who you’re dealing with here. I’ll sacrifice myself for you, Your Highness, but you must escape…!”
The moment Iris left, this girl was sure to put me through hell.
Specifically, she would flay me alive.
Well, don’t assume I’ll just play the underdog forever…!
Iris didn’t say anything but just looked sadly at the ground.
“Erk… Y-Your Highness…”
Guess Darkness couldn’t resist her, either.
I looked at Iris’s downcast face and exclaimed, “Oh! See how sad you’ve made Her Highness? This is the most awful— Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!”
“Quiet, you! …Your Highness, please listen to me. This man has a mansion in Axel; he’s actually somewhat well-known as an adventurer. He also has friends back home, people who worry when he goes missing. I admit it—we all came here because we were worried about him. Could you please give him back to us?”
Iris still looked unhappy, but she gave a little nod.
“…I understand. I’m sorry for being so selfish…”
No! Hold your ground, Iris! Hold your ground! Don’t just give in—you’re the most powerful person in this castle! Throw a royal tantrum!
Iris finally managed to look Darkness in the face.
“Say, Lalatina. Maybe we could at least…throw a going-away party? Just tonight…?”
She spoke hesitantly, almost apologetically.
8
It was a royal banquet, and an especially lavish one at that.
“Hey, Kazuma, these are delicious! The organic wild melon things with ham on them? These melons are still fresh—they’re practically jumping off the plates!”
“Kafuma! Kafuma! Dese ahh—gulp—great, too! High-quality pudding over vinegar rice, topped with wasabi soy sauce! I have no idea where this cuisine came from, but that rich sweetness and thick sauce really go together.”
As I watched my companions stuff their faces at the buffet table, I realized how out of place us commoners really were.
I had changed into a suit, and the girls were wearing dresses (all borrowed from the royal wardrobe), so we looked the part. But our behavior pretty much reeked of peasantry, and the other guests obviously weren’t fooled.
In one corner of the banquet hall, several hired bartenders were customizing cocktails for each guest. Aqua, apparently tired of going back for refills all the time, had simply dragged a table full of food over to the bar so she could do all her eating and drinking in one place.
Beside me, Megumin had taken a clean dish and was carefully piling food on it.
And as for the person who would normally have reined us in before things got this bad…
“Lady Dustiness, to think that one so disinterested in parties as yourself should be at an event like this—what a surprise! I’m certainly glad I showed up for the feast tonight. What a wonderful chance to see your most radiant visage!”
“Lady Dustiness, how is your father, Lord Ignis? You know, I served him for a time when I was young…”
“Ah, Lady Dustiness! I shall thank Eris, the goddess of good fortune, for my meeting you here tonight! I’d heard rumors of your beauty, but never did I imagine…!”
“The rumors don’t do you the slightest justice! You outdo even the legendary Monoctus flower, which is said to bloom just once every hundred years—and the even more legendary Moongrass! Actually, I know of a store that you would like very much. Perhaps you’d let me accompany you after the party?”
“As if she would go with you! Your status is much too low to escort Miss Dustiness. Milady, you must let me…”
A crowd of nobles surrounded Darkness, all offering her praise ingratiating enough to set your teeth on edge. But Darkness, being noble herself, knew how to handle it; she took in everything with a polite smile while gently rebuffing the various advances.
“Thank you all so much for your kindness. It’s true I’m unaccustomed to parties. I hope you’ll be so kind as to understand…”
It was enough to make me want to butt in and ask who she was and what she’d done with Darkness.
She stood there playing the demure girl, but there was a slight twitch in her cheek. It looked like maybe she’d had about all she could take.
But I was surprised at how popular she was. There were lots of handsome young guys around her, all golden hair and blue eyes.
……
“So this is where you’ve been, Lalatina! Oh! But you’re so popular, Lalatina! Well, that dress certainly does look lovely on you, Lalatina…”
I slid up next to her and started using her real name as often as I could. The shock caused her to spit out her mouthful of wine.
“Cough! Ack! H-how rude!” she exclaimed. As the surrounding nobles goggled at her, Darkness, her eyes swimming, dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a handkerchief. “What brings you here so suddenly, my adventurer friend Master Kazuma Satou? Calling me by that name here will leave me most distraught. I see you like your little pranks as much as ever, but you’ll cause people to misunderstand the relationship between us.”
Outwardly, she kept the sweet smile on her face, especially emphasizing the words adventurer friend.
Seriously, who is this?
Her words sent an obvious wave of relief through the gathered nobles.
“Ha-ha, the way he suddenly called Miss Dustiness by her first name really surprised me. Now I remember, Miss Dustiness, you’re an adventurer, aren’t you? Protecting the people from monsters and indulging your own preferences at the same time. Heavens, I almost took you two to have a special relationship…”
“You’re completely right. But I’d expect no less from one of Lady Dustiness’s companions. Gifted even at joking. I admit I’m jealous of him, being able to call Lady Dustiness by her name, even in jest.”
“Truly! …On that note, Miss Dustiness, do you have a betrothed yet? If not, I happily offer myself as a candidate to become one of the lucky few who can call you by your first name…”
“Get in line! I’ve been pressing my suit with the Dustiness household for ages!”
The nobles went back to chatting up Darkness, but even as they tried to throw one another off, none of them made any attempt to leave the conversation. I guess that’s what you can expect from a bunch of powerful rich boys. They have plenty of self-confidence, and there’s no end of them.
I was just considering dropping another bomb under the guise of teasing when it happened.
“Miss Dustiness has achieved a great deal these past years. Surely there must be someone more suited to her than you lot.”
This rather uncivil remark came from a man who suddenly broke into the conversation. He looked vaguely familiar. He was a big, rotund, middle-aged guy with hair everywhere except his head.
“Gracious, Lord Alderp! Such a barbed greeting…”
How could I forget that face? It was the lord of Axel, the guy who had tried to pin a crime on me and have me put to death.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
“Y-you!” Alderp spat. “Thanks to your dropping Destroyer’s core on my mansion, my house is still under repair! I’m staying in my house here in the capital until my residence in Axel is fully rebuilt. And anyway, I’ll have you remember your place, commoner! You shall address me as Lord Alderp!”
Geez, he even has a second house? He really is rich.
“Tell us, Lord Alderp. Who is this person you think would make a more suitable match for Miss Dustiness than us? Rumor says that you yourself are more than a little obsessed with her. Surely you don’t think…?” said one of the nobles who had been talking to Darkness, in a voice thick with irony.
“It’s not myself, of course. And not my son, either. Whatever might have once been appropriate, now, given Miss Dustiness’s family status and all the things she herself has achieved, I can think of only one man who could match her.”
He looked very confident about this. Just one man who could match all the things Darkness had done?
“You mean me?” I said.
“That’s enough out of you! You’re going to cause me nothing but trouble. Go play with Aqua and Megumin!” Darkness snapped, her facade slowly crumbling as I pushed her further and further.
Alderp ignored us; he spoke with a broad smile. “I refer to the man personally leading the army with His Majesty the king against our demonic enemies—the firstborn prince, Lord Jatice. In principle, Miss Dustiness must take a husband in order to ensure the continuation of the Dustiness family name, but if they had enough children, one of the younger ones could inherit the Dustiness household.”
None of the nobles, listening silently, looked especially pleased about this.
“Prince Jatice has been fighting on the front lines for some time now, and Miss Dustiness has lately established herself with a succession of victories against generals of the Demon King. They both can already be considered heroes of our country. Being brought into the royal castle would be a fitting reward for Miss Dustiness’s deeds. And I have no doubt their children would be strong and beautiful and fine. What do you all think? Are they not a most appropriate couple?”
Darkness had said this old man had an unnatural fixation on her, but he almost sounded as if he had finally given up on his unreachable flower.
“He… He’s not wrong…”
“True, there would be few better matches…”
The gathered nobles began to disperse, not very enthusiastically. Darkness looked like she was about to say something…
“Hey!” I exclaimed. “So what does that make me, chopped liver? What about us? Lalatina, are you just going to throw me away?!”
““““?!””””
This drew a stunned reaction from everyone around.
“Gah, what the hell is wrong with—! Ahem, Master Kazuma, you think of the most outrageous pranks, but I believe I’ve already told you how much trouble your little jokes cause for me in places like this…”
Darkness smiled as she spoke, reaching out for my arm as if she were just drawing close to a friend of hers.
I dodged her neatly.
“Lalatina, think of the idyllic days we’ve spent together! Always living in the same house—we’ve even bathed together, haven’t we? You washed my back, didn’t you?! Why, just the other day, we played that game where you call me Master, and I—”
“Young Master Kazuma, jokes have their place, but you’re really going too far!”
Darkness pursued me, no longer worried about what it looked like, reaching out for me with both hands.
“Oops! Are you sure about this, Lalatina? Do you really want all these nobles to see your beastly strength? You’ll have to become a bride someday, won’t you? Even though I know I’m making that hard on you. As a noble, you’re reaching the age where it’ll look bad if you don’t get married, right? But Young Lady, if you reveal your outrageous physical strength here, you might scare off all your suit— Ow, ow, ow!”
“Goodness, ever the showman, aren’t you, Master Kazuma? I’m not putting any strength into this at all, and yet your cries of pain are so believable! I wonder what they’d sound like if I really put some muscle into it. My level’s gone up recently. Want to find out what I can do?”
“My joke went too far, Lady Dustiness—!”
9
I wasn’t really trying to be mean, mostly. I just got a little annoyed seeing all those guys around Darkness, and I wanted to throw a wrench in the works. I didn’t really want to date her myself, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of a close female friend of mine belonging to someone else.
I mean, I know I was the one trying to press Darkness at a matchmaking meeting not long ago because I had my eye on the reward—but now that I didn’t need the money, I found I wanted to scuttle any potential courtship.
I must admit, it was pretty selfish, even for me.
This banquet was supposed to be a going-away party for me, but with Darkness getting so much of the attention, I was all but forgotten.
It wasn’t like I was eager to be the center of attention for noble guys, and I definitely wasn’t feeling lonely. For some reason, all the noble ladies were firing questions at Aqua and Megumin: What shampoo did they use? What kind of soap did they like?
Well, as long as it kept them busy, that was fine.
I was not the least bit jealous…!
I found myself in a corner of the banquet hall, shrinking into the wall as I watched everyone make a big deal over everyone else.
“Gosh, what are you doing all the way over here?” It was Iris.
“Iris! Thank goodness, I knew I could count on you! Kind, sweet, considerate Iris! It’s so lonely being by myself at a party like this—thank goodness I have my dear little sister, Iris!”
“G-gosh…”
My fervent praise evoked only a mutter and a blush from the princess.
Hmm? Lately, she hadn’t hesitated to give me a piece of her mind over just about anything, but she was acting awfully shy today.
Her face still red, Iris lined up next to me against the wall. It looked like that obnoxious Claire wasn’t following her around everywhere for now, maybe because the party was in the castle.
As she looked out at the elegant banquet hall, Iris said, “The castle will be much quieter tomorrow. Who will make Claire mad or annoy Lain?” She didn’t move from the wall as she spoke.
“It’s only taken a week for those two to pretty much learn to hate me. Anyway, won’t the castle be better off quiet? Every day at my mansion is chaotic. If I could have one wish, it would be to live an uneventful life.”
Iris glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and smiled sadly.
…Whoa. Just one little lonely gesture, and my heart starts thumping? What’s with this? Am I that easy?
“I know I’ve treated you like a little sister basically since the moment we met, but you seem to have gotten pretty attached to me in the last week, too.”
I tried to change the subject and avoid drawing attention to the fact that my pulse was racing over a twelve-year-old girl.
“Has it been a problem for you?” she asked, barely looking up at me, and my pulse only quickened.
“N-no, no way. I’m totally happy about it, you know? I just…can’t imagine what would ever make anyone like me.” I somehow managed to keep my voice from scratching with nervousness. Iris giggled.
Then she said, “I’ve never met anyone like you before. I’ve had lots of servants, but there was no one who was totally fearless, and rude, and obnoxious, and willing to tell a princess like me all kinds of dirty things, and who wanted to win at any cost in a totally immature way…”
“H-hey, I didn’t ask you to tell me what you don’t like about me. I was trying to find out why you would like me.”
I was definitely getting a little confused here.
“And that’s what I’m talking about, isn’t it?” She smiled brightly.
Stupid, adorable princess!
Eris, Iris—why must there always be a wall between me and the sanest girls around here?
I mean, not that I saw Iris as anything more than a little sister. She was twelve years old, for crying out loud!
“By the way, about our game—I believe I won more times than you did, so it’s my win overall, right?”
“The hell it is! Those later games were fifty-fifty, and if anything, when I won, my victories were by a landslide. If we could have kept playing, I definitely would have racked up more wins.”
“Maybe you could finally just admit that you lost? You’re being a kid right to the end, Elder Brother!”
“Well, only a kid would gloat about beating a kid in a game!”
Iris and I tired of talking after this bit of argument, both of us settling back against the wall. Sheesh, she just wasn’t going to let it go, not to the bitter end.
But really, these days, Iris somehow seemed to be enjoying herself when we argued.
For a while, we didn’t talk about anything. We just looked out at the party.
Over the last week, we’d talked and argued and laughed together about many things. But for some reason, standing there at that moment, we didn’t do any of that. We were just silent.
Aqua and Megumin continued eating and drinking ravenously, while Darkness remained surrounded by her crowd of noble admirers.
“I’m sure I’ll never forget this week I shared with you.” Iris sounded almost like she was talking to herself as she watched the party. “I’m jealous of Lalatina. You all must have so much fun every day…” She sounded so lonely.
…I’m really surprised by how close we got in just a week.
I was going to go back to Axel, and starting tomorrow, this girl would have to suppress herself in order to do her duty as part of the royal family and go back to playing the good little girl who never said anything selfish.
…Isn’t there some way for me to stay in the castle?
Maybe they could take me on as a knight? No, I was so pathetic that even with Iris’s and Darkness’s connections, it would be hard to get into a unit of knights. And when they eventually chased me out, it would be for being a bad influence on Iris and bringing no benefit of any kind to the castle.
Hmm. Maybe a general of the Demon King could conveniently attack right now? I could gallantly defeat them, and once everyone was recognizing how useful I was to have around, they wouldn’t mind if I made a slightly selfish request.
I just needed to gain a bit of renown in the capital. It didn’t have to be anything big. Then there might not be so much opposition to me…
As I stood there quietly fretting about this, Iris spoke up.
“I’d like to try being an adventurer, like Lalatina. The royal family has always been known for having good magical abilities and excellent training. I might not be able to be a Crusader like Lalatina… But maybe I could at least be a Wizard or a Priest? Or maybe… Maybe I could be a Thief and be like the righteous thief everyone’s been talking about recently! But I guess Claire would get pretty angry if I told her I wanted to become a thief…” Then she giggled.
“Wait, what did you say everyone’s been talking about?”
I raised my head suddenly, and she looked at me, surprised. “You don’t know about the righteous thief, Elder Brother? As the story goes, there’s a thief who breaks into the houses of evil nobles and steals all the dirty money they’ve made. And then the next day, a huge donation is left in front of the orphanage run by the Eris church. That’s why everyone thinks this thief is on the side of justice.”
A righteous thief…
“A royal like me probably shouldn’t be calling someone who goes around committing theft ‘righteous.’ But…I think it’s kind of cool, you know? Being a royal myself, I guess maybe the thief will try to steal from me sometime. But even so, I can’t help admiring them a little bit.”
Her eyes sparkled as she spoke. It was enough to make me jealous of this thief, and even though I had no idea what they looked like, I kind of wanted to catch them.
…Catch a thief?
“…That’s iiiiit!!”
10
“Darkness! Darkness! …Oh, perfect, Claire’s here, too.”
“Wh-what? You again? I thought I told you to go away. I’m busy.”
“D-do you need something, Master Kazuma?”
I ran up to Darkness and Claire, clearly interrupting their conversation.
“Hey, I heard this rumor! Something terrible is happening in the capital right now!”
Both of them gave me quizzical looks.
“Terrible?” Darkness said. “I guess you could call it that. Some adventurer has gotten the country’s princess to start calling him ‘Elder Brother.’ If His Majesty finds out, don’t be surprised if you end up beheaded again.”
“Lady Dustiness is right,” Claire added. “I have no intention of defending you in front of His Majesty when he gets back from the front lines. I’m going to tell him exactly what went on in this castle.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about! And anyway, I was just helping a lonely little girl pass the time while her father was away! But more importantly!” I tried to make myself as audible as possible to the other nobles. “The terrible thing I’m talking about is the righteous thief stalking the streets of the capital! I’ve heard! I know all the nobles who live in the capital are targets!”
“Y-yeah,” Darkness said, “it does sound like that thief tends to hit nobles who are openly malicious…”
“And what about it, Master Kazuma?” Claire asked.
Confronted by two very puzzled high nobles, I jabbed my thumb at my chest. “This righteous thief everyone’s talking about or whatever? I’m gonna nail ’em.”
““Huh?””
Darkness and Claire looked at me blankly. The nobles nearby were clearly unnerved.
“He’s going to catch the thief? The one the capital’s police force and knights have been investigating but still haven’t found a single clue about?”
“Who is this guy anyway? He’s been hanging around the banquet hall all night. Frankly, I’m worried about him.”
“Shh! He may not look like much, but I gather he’s one of Lady Dustiness’s companions…”
“Him?! That guy who looks more like a run-of-the-mill citizen than an adventurer?”
“Isn’t he the NEET masquerading as Princess Iris’s playmate? The other day, I saw him force his maid to wait out in the castle garden because he wanted to sleep until evening.”
You all know I can hear you, right?
But I ignored the whispers.
“I’m, you know, I’m on pretty good terms with Darkness, and she’s a noble, right? That means that for me, no matter how righteous this thief might be and no matter how popular they are as a defender of the defenseless, they’re my enemy. I mean, Darkness’s house could be next!”
“H-hey! My family hasn’t done anything to deserve being targeted by that thief!”
Darkness tried to protest her innocence, but I balled up my fist and exclaimed, “Come on, Darkness! We’ve brought down generals of the Demon King—we can solve a little mystery! It must be fate that brought us to the capital! Righteous or not, stealing is stealing. We can’t overlook it!”
Darkness didn’t seem entirely convinced, and she fixed me with a dubious stare. “Y-you’re not wrong, but… You’ve never had a moral compass before. Why now? What are you plotting?”
“I, uh, just thought that if I caught this thief, maybe I could hang out at the castle a little longer…”
“Wh-why, you…!” Claire sounded absolutely exasperated, but before she could finish what she was saying…
“That’s wonderful!” one of the nobles exclaimed, then began clapping. One after another, the rest joined in.
“That’s Lady Dustiness’s companion for you! Er, not that any of us are worried about being targeted by the thief, of course…”
“I hear this man has defeated several generals of the Demon King. I’ll bet he catches a dozen thieves before breakfast!”
“I, too, have no reason to fear the thief, but the capture of such a ne’er-do-well can only be good! Again: no reason for me to worry, though!”
What a transparent bunch.
…But still, this was good for me. Catching the thief would be my pretext for staying at the castle. If I actually did manage to make good on this project, I could probably stick around as long as I wanted, and I might even get a reward for my effort. And if I didn’t catch the thief, well, investigations can take a long time, and I could be with Iris in the meantime.
Behind me, the princess was watching; her eyes were glittering with expectation. I never realized she was so eager to see her beloved elder brother at work! Well, just leave it to me! After I loll about at the castle awhile longer, I’ll get around to stopping that villain eventually!
Claire looked at me, thinking about something for a moment, then she gave a nod and clapped her hands. “I see. Then here’s the plan, Master Kazuma. You’ll pick a noble house that seems a likely target and stay with them in order to stake out the place. If you really do manage to catch the thief, then we might be able to consider letting you stay at the castle.” She turned to the nobles. “I hope all of you will cooperate with Master Kazuma’s investigation!”
…Huh?
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login