Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku o! - Volume 6 - Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

To Become a True Big Brother 

The morning of the next day. As dawn came, the capital was in an uproar. And why shouldn’t it be? The “righteous thief” had broken into the castle and, with a crew of just two people, stolen a magic item from the princess. And on a night when a bunch of powerful adventurers were staying there, to boot. 

The story of the smash-and-grab by a silver-haired boy and a masked man spread like wildfire. 

Which brought us to now. The capital as a whole wasn’t the only place full of commotion. So was the room I was in. 

“D-D-D-D-Darkness, calm dooowwnnn! I swear there’s a perfectly good explanation if you’ll just— Yowww! My head! My head’s gonna come clean off!” 

“Yeah, listen to us already! Just let us explain, and you’ll say, Oh, now I understand exactly why they did it! Please! I’m gonna die any minute here!” 

“Oh, I’ll listen! You’d better believe I want to hear what your excuse is this time. I’m just blowing off some steam first. Since you claim to have a good reason, I won’t squeeze with all my strength yet!” 

Chris and I, answering a summons from Darkness, were in a room at the inn, getting a taste of her Iron Talon. 

“Darkness! D-Darkness! I can’t talk… I can’t t-talk like this!” 

“Stoppit! Chris dragged me into it; she’s the one you want! She’s the chief, the mastermind!” 

Darkness had one hand on my temple and another on Chris’s, and she was squeezing. She looked startlingly serious. 

“Wh-wh-why, you impossible—! Eeeyow, ow, ow, ow! N-no, Darkness, listen! My lowly assistant was totally into it! It’s true I’m the one who came up with the idea, but when things turned ugly, I said we should get out of there—he was the one who decided to keep going!” 

“Wrong, Chief, wrong! I’ve only been in the Righteous Thief Brigade for one day; I’m definitely at the bottom of the ranks!” 

“Quit calling it that! It’s not a brigade; it’s just the two of us! And that means there are no ‘ranks’!” 

Still grasping our temples, Darkness had forced us to sit formally on the floor, where each of us proceeded to enthusiastically blame the other. Darkness was watching us, angrier than I’d ever seen her. 

“All right.” 

““?!”” 

Darkness’s icy voice cut through our argument. 

“Talk. Fast.” 

Between us, we explained how it had all happened. 

After she had heard us out, Darkness heaved a sigh. 

“…What am I going to do with you two? Why didn’t you tell me? If you had come to me to begin with, you wouldn’t have had to pull that ridiculous stunt. I would’ve listened to you.” 

“I appreciate it, but we’re talking about a Sacred Treasure that lets you switch bodies. It could even be used to gain eternal life. When I heard about it, I wanted to run to the authorities, but Chris warned me that the more powerful the person, the more they would want it. Even the royal family might misuse it.” 

“I—I said I thought we could trust you, Darkness! But when I tried to tell you, my lowly assistant was all, ‘Hey, stop! Darkness is a noble, too. If the other nobles find out you’re the thief, she could be in real trouble!’” 

“Hey! Wh-why, you—!” 

As our feud started up again, Darkness let out another sigh. “What’s done is done. Thankfully, I’m the only one who’s figured out who you really are so far. Chris, your silver hair draws too much attention. You need to get out of the capital immediately and head back to Axel. As for you, Kazuma… You’re coming to the castle with me right now.” 

“What?! …Argh! My head really hurts where you had a grip on it! Sorry, but I’m going to stay here and rest.” 

“Quit playing these stupid games and come with me! We have to go get Megumin and Aqua and say our good-byes to Princess Iris!” 

“Yeah, I get it, but the castle’s still on high alert. I don’t know about walking right in… I might screw up again. Or what if they suspect me, and they bring out one of those bells that rings when you lie? It’d be bad news!” 

Chris scratched her cheek and gave me a friendly smile as I crossed my arms and Darkness started dragging me away. 

“Well, s-see you then, Lowly Assistant. Fight the good fight! Oh, and the Sacred Treasure we took? I put it somewhere no one would ever find it, so you don’t have to worry about that. I—I guess I’ll show myself out, then…” 

“Hold on, Chris,” Darkness said. 

“?! Y-yes, what is it?” 

“Is that everything you’re hiding from me? You’re not holding back anything else?” 

“…Well, um…” 

“You are, aren’t you?! What is it? What aren’t you telling me?! We’ve known each other a long time—long enough that I can tell when you’re feeling cornered! You scratch that scar on your cheek—just like you’re doing now! Spit it out! What are you hiding this time?” 

Chris, reeling from this barrage of questions, looked to me for help for some reason. But I had no idea what it was she wasn’t telling Darkness, so I couldn’t do anything— 

Then she pointed at me. 

“My lowly assistant—he stole something besides the Sacred Treasure!” 

“Whaaaat?! You traitor!” 

“You stole something else?! So you really are just a common thief! What did you take?! Hand it over!” 

Resigned, I slowly handed over a book. Darkness skimmed through it. 

“You impossible…” She seemed to crumple a little. 

Chris muttered, “Oh yeah… I forgot you grabbed that, too.” 

“Huh?” 

“…Oh-ho? There’s more?” Darkness stood up again and stretched out her hand to me. 

What other treasure did I steal? What could she possibly…? 

“Wait, I get it! Geez, you meant this? The thing I got when I used Steal on Iris?” 

As I spoke, I gave Darkness the item I had stolen from the princess. It was a ring she’d been wearing. Given the way it had glowed when she’d pointed it at Chris and me, it was probably some kind of magical item. 

For a moment, Darkness held it in the palm of her hand, frowning intently at it. “…?! You—you… Y-y-you took this from Princess Iris?!” 

“Y-yeah… I mean, what’s with the reaction? It’s even scarier than if you were mad at me! I mean, it’s just a ring, right? Don’t scare me, okay?” 

Darkness stared distantly at the ring a moment longer, then carefully passed it back to me. 

“Listen to me, Kazuma. Do not lose this ring. Take it to your grave, where no one will ever find it.” 

“Quit it already! I-if it’s that big a deal, we can go give it back right now. Say we found it someplace.” 

“Out of the question! This is a ring given to children of the royal family on the day they’re born. It never leaves them—not when they’re sleeping, not when they’re bathing. The only time they remove it is when they get engaged and they give it to their betrothed. If word got out that a thief stole it and some adventurer picked it up…! …Even if you returned it with the best of intentions, they would probably kill you, just to make sure nobody else would ever know.” 

“Yikes! Way to freak me out. Hey, Chris! Where do you think you’re going? You’re the one who got me into this mess. Sneak into Iris’s room and put this back!” 

“No way! I’m scared! Why does your Steal always take the worst possible things? And Darkness, you’ve changed. When did you start hiding evidence? I remember how dense you used to be, but I guess you’ve learned something about getting by in the world… I can’t shake the sense that you’ve been corrupted by my lowly assistant.” 

“Wha…?! H-hang on—I know I’m not very self-aware, but have I really changed that much?! I’m more worried about the princess being corrupted…” 

Apparently, this was all shocking to her. I ignored the other two, holding the ring up to the light. 

“…No choice, I guess. When we get home, I’ll bury it in the garden or something. I don’t think anyone will find it there.” 

“Don’t be stupid! That ring was Princess Iris’s precious possession! You have to take care of it—don’t ever be without it! And also don’t ever let anyone see it!” 

“What sort of twisted game is this?! Ahhh, fine, I get it. Give me back my other treasure, too. I mean, it’s too late to return that one, either, right?” 

““……”” 

Chris and Darkness looked at each other. 

When Darkness and I arrived at the castle, I was like one of the walking dead, courtesy of the living hell I’d been through. 

“Come on, stop shuffling! You can’t slump in front of the princess!” 

“Sniff…sniff… Whyyyy? Why’d you have to burn it…? I saved this country and nobody even knew… It was my one reward…” 

“Get over yourself. You look pathetic. That ‘lighter’ or whatever of yours sure came in handy. Yeah… I could see this being useful.” 

“I didn’t make it to do that, though! Sniff…sniff… My treasure…!” 

I’d meant to keep the book for myself, but the two of them had burned it in front of me. I couldn’t summon the energy to do anything at all. 

Chris said she was going to make herself scarce before somebody decided to be a hero and arrest the silver-haired thief. She said she would come back to Axel when she was good and ready, so I’d probably see her again. Maybe it hadn’t worked out so well, but I actually enjoyed partnering up with her, just a little. When they find out who I am and put out an arrest warrant for me, maybe we really should form a Righteous Thief Brigade. 

All this was running through my mind as I followed Darkness through the castle. Finally, she stopped in front of Iris’s room. 

“…It’ll only be trouble if I bring you in there looking like you do now. I’ll explain about the Sacred Treasure. You just wait here.” 

“What’d you even bring me for, then? I’m not in a very good mood right now. If you dragged me all the way out here just to leave me standing in a hallway, I might end up wandering the castle, and who knows what I’d do then?” 

“What are you, a kid?! Fine, but don’t cause any trouble! I plan to explain the dangers of the Sacred Treasure and tell them that the righteous thief’s goal was to save Princess Iris—it’s almost the truth. If you screw this up, believe me, it won’t go easy for you!” 

I shoved past Darkness as she blathered on and opened the door to the room. 

“You stupid, stupid—! What kind of person doesn’t even knock?! …Your Highness, it’s me! Lalatina! We need to talk to you, urgently!” 

Darkness and I entered the room to find… 

“Well, it was easy peasy for me! I sealed that Sacred Treasure right up, and now no one can use it again. So relax! Sheesh, those thieves didn’t know what they were in for!” 

“As a member of the Crimson Magic Clan, expert in all things magical, I offer my assurances as well. That was quite the impressive Sacred Treasure, but no one else can use it now. In other words, this case is open-and-shut!” 

Aqua and Megumin stood there in front of Iris and her entourage, looking awfully pleased with themselves despite the fact that they didn’t really do much this time. 

Lain breathed a sigh and said with a relieved smile, “Nothing less from Miss Aqua and Miss Megumin! That really puts my mind at ease. When you told me about the item’s true power, Miss Aqua, I was as pale as a ghost!” 

“But what do you think those burglars wanted? Their reputation among the populace wouldn’t suggest they meant to misuse the item, but… Hmm? Lady Dustiness and…you.” 

Claire, for her part, didn’t sound any nicer than usual. 

Aqua, it appeared, had already told them how dangerous the Sacred Treasure was. 

“I investigated that Sacred Treasure and learned that it is in fact immensely dangerous. We came to warn you, but it looks like there’s no need,” Darkness said, apparently relieved not to have to go through with her little act. 

Then, from the center of the clump of people, Iris spoke. “Do you suppose those two came to help me? That they knew about the necklace’s true power and believed that if they made the danger known, someone might put it to evil purposes?” For some reason, she was staring right at me as she spoke. 

Is this the part where it turns out she knows the thief’s true identity? 

“Your Highness, I’m sure you’re overthinking it. I know they call those thieves righteous, but even a burglar with a conscience wouldn’t deliberately put himself in danger just for something like that.” Claire closed her eyes, almost regretfully. “If one did, I would have to admit he was a very impressive man.” A note of respect mingled with the regret. Claire had become pretty much my least favorite person, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit of newfound affection for her at this. 

“Who do you suppose those two really were, though?” Lain asked. “I like to think I’m well acquainted with our higher-level adventurers, but I can’t think of anyone quite as capable as them. Especially that masked man… I only faced him for a moment, but he was able to destroy my staff from a great distance.” 

Yikes. I love a good pat on the back, but this is getting awkward. 

“Yes! That masked man!” Megumin said. “He was very cool, was he not? That mask and black outfit—a man after my own heart! Next time I see him, I must get an autograph!” 

“M-Miss Megumin, you might remember that we’re talking about a criminal! …But I have to admit, he was something else. He stopped Master Mitsurugi in the blink of an eye, to say nothing of about half the royal knights, even though he wasn’t so much as carrying a weapon…” 

Megumin and Claire both sighed wistfully. 

Well, crap. What do I do? I really want to brag that it was me all along. 

“Kazuma, what’s going on? That smirk on your face is giving me the creeps.” Aqua was still cradling the bottle of wine. One of these days I was going to have to take it from her. 

Aqua’s words caused Claire to fix me with a glare. “She’s right. What are you grinning about? You missed your big chance to catch the thief. Not that I think you would have lasted a minute against that masked man. Ah… Why did someone like that have to become a thief? If only he wasn’t a criminal, he would be more than welcome here… I wish I could meet him again…” She blushed ever so slightly as she said this, the first girlish act of behavior I had ever seen from her. 

So was she going to condemn me or praise me to the heavens? I wished she would make up her mind. 

…Then Iris threw in her two cents: “Yes, that righteous thief really was manly, wasn’t he?” As she spoke, she fixed me with a stare. 

Wait a second. What’s going on here? She really must have figured it out…right? 

“This is just my own flight of fancy,” Iris said, “but I’m convinced those two thieves really did do all that because they were worried for me. I’m afraid I may have…fallen rather in love…” 

Okay. Definitely time to reveal my true identity. 

Darkness noticed me digging in my bag, ready to pull out the mask, and made a vigorous finger-across-the-throat gesture to cut me off. I was about to hit her with Drain Touch to keep her out of my way, when— 

“I wonder where he is now? My silver-haired chief…!” 

I let my hand drop back to my side. Of course that was who she was talking about! 

Iris looked at me as I stood there, frozen. Her face flushed. She lowered her eyes to the ground, her narrow shoulders shaking. 

…Hey, she’s not laughing, is she? 

Then the shaking stopped, and she looked up again. She saw my irritation. Her voice trembled just a bit: 

“E-Elder Brother. May I ask…one thing of you?” 

“Y-Your Highness?” Claire seemed confused by the electrified atmosphere. 

Other than dragging me here in the first place, Iris had never shown any sign of selfishness toward me. Now her fist was clenched, her face serious, as though she had come to some decision. 

But just as she was about to speak, Darkness said, “Your Highness. Before you make your wish known, there’s something I want to say to you.” 

Everyone looked at her. Darkness dropped to one knee but shot a glance at me. “This man, Kazuma Satou, has bested many generals of the Demon King. It may even be he who one day defeats the Demon King himself. It is an immensely difficult task, one no ordinary person could achieve… Please, when you speak, bear in mind the challenges he already faces.” 

Whoa, where had this come from? She thought I might defeat what? 

“Defeat the Demon King? Really? Elder Brother, do you truly seek to topple the evil ruler?” Iris, too, seemed completely serious. 

No, I don’t! That’s obviously completely impossi— 

“Well, uh, I mean, if the opportunity comes up, then maybe…I could, you know…think about it? I guess?” 

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say it to her face. 

Behind her, Claire snorted as if this was the stupidest thing she had ever heard. 

But… 

“I see… I’m sure you can do it, Elder Brother. Please give everything you’ve got to defeating the Demon King. I wish you every success!” 

And then Iris smiled as wide as the sky, and no one was able to say anything at all. 

I take that back. One person was. 

“Elder Brother this, Elder Brother that! Why don’t you just stop it already? You have an actual elder brother, you know! Get all sweet and cozy with him! I can’t help feeling oddly threatened by that form of address! One day I am going to bury the Demon King—Kazuma need not even be there!” 

It was Megumin, who was very worked up for some reason. 

“W-well, Elder Brother is Elder Brother! If I call Elder Brother ‘Elder Brother,’ what’s wrong with that? And anyway, it would be pointless for you to defeat the Demon King; I want Elder Brother to do it!” 

“I told you to stop using that name, and you immediately used it five times! That amounts to throwing down the gauntlet!” 

“Y-you wanna go?! I’m w-warning you, the royal family is very strong!” 

Darkness and Claire rushed to separate them before things could get any worse. 

“Quit it, Megumin! Weren’t you best friends with Princess Iris just the other day? And now you’re starting a fight?! What’s gotten into you?” 

“Your Highness, please calm down! You’ve never even been in a fight before—what’s gotten into you?” 

I tried to calm her down by changing the subject. “So what was it you wanted to ask me for? Go ahead, anything at all.” 

I was actually pretty curious. What with the way she’d been acting, maybe she would ask me to stay in the castle…! 

“Oh yeah… My wish…” 

She was the one who had brought it up in the first place, but now she paused, almost as if she had to think about it. 

“Our game isn’t over yet. I hope you’ll have another round with me sometime.” 

And then she smiled like a mischievous little girl.