Chapter 4
May I Have One Last Night with This Noble Daughter!!
1
My voice was practically shaking as I declared to the two girls:
“And so we will now begin our strategy meeting regarding how to break in to a carefully guarded mansion and meet Darkness! Although I already have a pretty good idea!”
After I got home, I had explained the situation to Megumin and Aqua. Now the three of us were facing one another in the living room.
“Gosh, Kazuma, your voice is practically shaking,” Aqua said. “Darkness’s marriage to that lord who looks like the offspring of a pig and a bear is the talk of the town. I know Darkness has some strange tastes, but this is a bit too ridiculous even for her. Normally I would expect her father to put a stop to this. I wonder if something happened to him. I don’t like this at all. Especially the fact that it’s all just like that stinky, stupid demon predicted.”
Aqua was sitting on the sofa, cradling her egg with an unusually serious face. It was true; Vanir had claimed that Darkness’s family, including her father, would soon find themselves in trouble.
No normal person would believe in fortune-telling. It was half-truths at best. But this was a world with magic and curses.
“Do you believe that prediction, Kazuma? I see that despite your wealth, you’ve been industriously developing new products, just like that demon told you to. I hate demons less than Aqua does, but I agree that they help no one for free. All these predictions and warnings must benefit him somehow. If we could just go back to Crimson Magic Village, I have a friend who’s a very experienced fortune-teller…”
I didn’t know what to say to Megumin, because I didn’t know how I felt. Granted, I wasn’t sure it was wise to go around believing everything a demon told you. And yet…
“I don’t think Vanir is just making things up, although I’m sure he’s not telling us the whole truth, either. I don’t know what benefit it is to him if we rescue Darkness. Look, guys, I won’t try to pretend anymore. The reason I’ve been working so hard on new products is because I hoped, if something really did happen to Darkness, that one of them might help us help her. Anyway, it’s not like I have anything to lose from a little research and development, even if the prediction doesn’t come true. That’s all I was really thinking…”
Darkness wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, and she had probably done this impulsively, thinking that if she sacrificed herself, everything would be better. That was what Vanir had told Darkness in his prediction. If I had just heard it from some random palm reader on the street, I might have forgotten about it. But this…
“Whatever the case, there are a lot of things we can’t be sure about yet,” I said. “For now it’s just thirdhand information, something Rin told us she heard. We have to get in touch with Darkness and talk to her ourselves if we want to know what’s going on. Her letter only said she was leaving the party, so I didn’t want to pry into her business too much, but we’ve had our fair share of trouble at Alderp’s hands. We need to talk to Darkness and find out what’s happening, even if we have to force our way inside. What do you say? Are you with me?”
Carried along by my enthusiasm, Megumin and Aqua nodded intently.
I recalled our (former) resident idiot saying at one point that as noble marriage prospects went, Alderp was enough of a sleazebag to rate a “not bad” from her. I hated to say it, but we couldn’t even completely rule out the possibility that something had happened to her father and Darkness had initiated the marriage proposal herself.
She really could say the stupidest things sometimes. Like when she tried to foist herself on Beldia, or the time she was thrilled to be possessed by Vanir. Or the time when we were on our way to Crimson Magic Village and she was really and truly shocked to learn that the male orcs had all been wiped out.
And then there was the way she ushered herself out of our party with nothing but a letter. Now that I thought about it, she had caused us an awful lot of worry during our time together.
But whatever. In this case, we had to get the details straight from the Crusader’s mouth. While we were at it, I figured I would ask her what was up with that letter.
I wasn’t eager to go demand to know what was happening on just the strength of a letter, but after what Rin had said, what choice did I really have?
Right… What choice at all?
I swear I wasn’t in the least bit thinking about a chance to get revenge for all the anxiety I’d suffered. I definitely wasn’t a little excited at the thought of breaking into the Dustiness mansion or because this was the perfect pretext to see her again.
Oh-ho, Darkness, just you wait…
I was just sitting there thinking. Why was Megumin smiling at me? Even Aqua looked as if she was seeing something unusual.
Finally, she said, “Hey, Kazuma. You’ve been so crabby lately. Right now you finally look…happy.”
She sounded almost pleased about it.
2
“All right. Now’s the perfect time. Aqua, if you please.”
The time, specifically, was two o’clock in the morning. We were at the Dustiness mansion, though not at the closely watched front or back gates. We were off to one side, where there was no entryway at all.
An iron fence surrounded the entire mansion. I was peeking in between the bars from a shadowy spot on the road.
At my signal, Aqua began quietly chanting some magic spells. Buffs, support magic. Incantations to strengthen my body and muscle me up. I even had her raise my physical and magical defenses, although I didn’t know if I would need them.
Then she intoned a spell I didn’t recognize.
“Versatile Entertainer!”
A pale light surrounded me for a moment. Was this another buff?
“What’s that one do?”
“It makes you a better artiste,” she said.
Without a word, I gave her a smack. I ignored her tearful attempt to strangle me in return; instead, I pulled a bow from my back. My arrows were tipped with hooks, like the ones we had used so successfully against Mobile Fortress Destroyer. The ends were wrapped in cloth so they wouldn’t make a sound when I launched them onto the roof.
“Okay, here goes.”
After some discussion, the two of us had decided that I should go in alone. I was the one with Ambush and plenty of other skills suited for infiltration, like the one that let me see in the dark. Sure, this was a noble’s mansion, but I had broken into a royal castle before. This was nothing.
I wasn’t looking to hurt anyone, so I didn’t bring any gear besides my bow. And even that I would hand off to Aqua to take home after I had set my arrows in place.
“Remember the mission,” Aqua whispered. “Knock out Darkness and kidnap her!”
“Sh-should a member of the clergy really be saying that sort of thing?”
“She is right,” Megumin piped up. “Darkness being who she is, I’m sure she will be stubborn about telling us what’s going on. Feel free to be a little rough with her if you need to!”
“Why are you both so excited about this?”
As Aqua and Megumin looked on, I readied an arrow and used the Deadeye skill to launch it as close to the top of the roof as I could. My aim was true: There was a soft click as it caught on an edge. We all stood frozen for a moment, but nobody seemed to have noticed the sound.
I tied the rope to one of the bars of the iron fence, then I said to the girls, “Untie that once I get to the roof. If any guards notice this rope, they’ll know someone’s broken in. You guys go back to the mansion and wait. I’ll figure out some way to get home.”
They nodded. I gave the rope another tug to be sure it was secure.
Okay! Time to get this show on the road.
I worked my way smoothly up the rope as if I were an Army Ranger. With my usual perfectly average physical strength, it would have been a challenge, but Aqua’s strength-enhancing buffs came to my aid.
I got up on the roof, then signaled to Aqua. Down below, I saw her undo the rope. I used my Sense Foe skill to check if there was anyone around. It also helped me locate a nice empty room inside the house. I intended to use the rope still dangling from the roof to enter the room from a second-floor window, but I found the window locked.
Times like this, however, were when my modern-day knowledge came into play.
“Kindle.”
I clung to the rope with one hand, creating a flame with the other and passing it over the glass. There was no fuel around, so my MP limited the amount of fire I could make, but I produced one flame after another. Finally, the glass was hot enough…
“Freeze,” I whispered. The temperature of the glass plummeted, and it shattered with a gentle tinkling. I kept watch to see if the noise had attracted anyone’s attention, but it didn’t look like it.
The old burn-and-bust was a classic way of breaking and entering, although it usually involved a lighter and some water. I had learned about the method on the Net back when I was in my full-on fantasy-escapism phase, during which time I was interested in collecting dangerous knowledge I had no intention of using. Who knew the random trivia I’d absorbed back then would come in handy one day?
I fit some fingers into the newly made hole, then wiggled my hand, clearing the glass around the lock bit by bit. Finally I had a hole big enough to undo the latch; I popped the window open and slipped inside.
Now I was safely in. The question was how to find Darkness’s room.
Should I sneak into the hallway and check each room individually? No—even with my Ambush skill, the chance of being spotted by a guard was too high. Well, what about—?
“Did you hear something?”
“Don’t think so. I hope you were only imagining it…”
The voices were just outside the door. In a panic, I closed the curtain to conceal the broken window and swept up the shards of glass on the carpet. I could hear the key in the lock as I dove under the bed and activated Ambush.
Then I heard the door open, followed by a voice that was at once relieved and exasperated. “See, Norris? It’s nothing. You have to get over that anxious streak of yours. Well, forget it. Let’s hit the kitchen and you can make me something to eat.”
“I-I’m sorry. I was sure I heard something breaking…”
The door closed, and the men’s footsteps receded down the hall. I didn’t move a muscle. Given what they had said about eating in the kitchen, they were probably a couple of the mansion’s guards. That definitely nixed the idea of checking every room.
How about this, then? I head to the kitchen those guards mentioned; announce that the young lady, Lalatina, has asked for food; then trail them right back to her room!
Okay, there were all kinds of problems with that plan. I couldn’t let anyone see my face, and I didn’t think I was enough of a vocalist to impersonate one of those guards.
I’ll bet Aqua could pull it off, what with all her stupid party tricks…
Party tricks.
I had an idea. That one guard, his name was Norris, right? I cleared my throat.
“My name…is…Norris?” I said, trying to sound like the guard. I was astonished by how convincing my own imitation was. I sounded so much like him that it actually creeped me out a little. I had been sort of curious to try out the entertainer buff Aqua had cast on me earlier.
“O-oh no, this is bad… Yes! It’s Darkness. Definitely Darkness. No matter how you slice it, it’s Darkness!” I could even imitate her voice!
Perfect! I could make use of this! I would have to apologize to Aqua when I got home.
……
“My God, Kazuma, you’re amazing! Make love to me!”
I spent a moment having a little fun with the voices of Darkness and my other companions until, with a start, I realized I didn’t have time for this. I was in danger of losing sight of my objective. I had never wanted a tape recorder more in my life—but right now the important thing was to find my Crusader.
I decided to start with the kitchen. I crept out of the room and made sure Ambush was still active…
I tailed Norris and his friend to the kitchen. After I was sure they were gone, I went up to the door. I cleared my throat and thought of Norris’s voice. Then I gave a hurried knock on the door and started yammering:
“I’m sorry, it’s me, Norris! I forgot, the young lady asked me to bring her dinner! I have to get back to my post—please ask someone to take her food to her!”
I mentally apologized to Norris, whom I had never even met.
The voice on the other side of the door was almost wry. “Hell, Norris, you’re always so much trouble. Jumpy and forgetful! Fine, we’ll make sure she gets it. Get back to work.”
“Thank you!” I said, trying to sound as rushed as I could. “You’re the best!” Then I made a show of noisily scrambling away.
In fact, however, I ducked behind some nearby furniture and waited for the kitchen staff to come out. I had waited quite a while when I finally sensed someone emerging from the kitchen…
3
“Young Lady, I brought your dinner,” the staff member said, knocking on a door. I watched him from the shadows.
So that’s Darkness’s room. Excellent.
The guy knocked several times before the door finally opened. It looked like Darkness had already gone to sleep. She was wearing a dark-blue negligee, and her hair was loose. She rubbed her eyes as she poked her head out of the room.
The staff guy quickly looked away. “Erm, Norris said you’d requested something to eat.”
Darkness gave him a sleepy look. “I don’t recall doing that.”
Startled, the kitchen guy bowed his head. “I-I’m very sorry, then, ma’am. My apologies for bothering you so late!” He excused himself as quickly as he could. Darkness, still looking a bit perplexed, closed the door.
The staff member, hanging his head, walked right past where I was hiding. A little while later, confident no one else was coming, I knocked on the door of Darkness’s room.
“Young Lady, please wake up. I know how late it is, but a man named Kazuma Satou has appeared and is demanding an audience with you,” I said in Norris’s voice. A moment later, I heard movement from inside…
“I thought I told you,” came Darkness’s voice, “if anyone named Kazuma, Aqua, or Megumin comes asking for me, you are absolutely not to let them in. And in the middle of the night, for crying out loud… Oh, for…for Eris’s sake…!” It sounded like it hurt her to say this, but like she was also secretly happy.
“But, Young Lady,” I replied, still in the guard’s voice, “this Mr. Kazuma said that if we didn’t let him in, he would reveal all of Miss Lalatina’s dirty secrets to the entire Guild…”
I could hear a happy laugh at that. “Heh! He hasn’t changed,” Darkness said. Then her voice grew quieter. “Tell Kazuma he can do whatever he likes. They’ll never see me at the Adventurers Guild again anyway.”
……
“But, Young Lady, at this very moment that man is in the front hall, spreading untoward rumors among the staff. He claims that your abs have become too ripped lately, and that’s why you’ve refused protein in your meals.”
I heard a clatter.
“Also, he says that not long ago you were in an adorable dress, smiling, and he hopes we will ready such clothes for you now.”
I heard another clatter. It seemed to be the sound of something breaking. Then came Darkness’s voice, shaking violently. “Th-th-th-th-those rumors are just lies! Made up! Pure fiction! Tell the staff not to be taken in by his stories!”
…………
“Truth be told, he’s saying even worse things. May I repeat them, Young Lady?”
After a moment, Darkness said, “Let me hear it.”
I took a deep breath. “He alleges that although the young lady is a virgin, night after night her untrammeled sexual urges cause her to—”
The door flew open, and there was Darkness, cheeks burning and tears in her eyes.
Then our gazes met.
“?!!?????!??!??”
Her eyes were the size of dinner plates, her mouth working open and shut.
Got her!
4
I clapped my hand over Darkness’s mouth and pushed her backward into the room. Eyes wide, she grabbed my hand with both of hers and tried to pull me off.
“I’ve got Aqua’s strength buffs on me—you won’t get rid of me that easily!” I hissed in her ear. I used my free hand to shut and lock the door. The sound of the key in the lock caused Darkness to spasm for some reason.
I kept one hand tight over her mouth so she couldn’t cry out. With my other hand, I grabbed her right wrist, then I did a quick scan of the room. It was dark, presumably because she’d been asleep until a second ago. Only starlight, filtering in through the window, illuminated us. Was I going to have to pin her to the floor to get her to listen to me?
Then I noticed the big bed behind her. Summoning all my enhanced strength, I lifted Darkness up.
“?!”
I was pretty sure she never expected weak li’l ol’ me to pick her up with one arm. Maybe Aqua really wanted me to bring Darkness home, because her buffs today were above and beyond.
With one great bound, I shoved Darkness onto the bed. There was a gentle fwump as she sank into the mattress. I inserted myself between her legs, taking care not to get kicked.
Good. Now we can finally talk without her fighting m—?
Darkness let all the strength out of the hand that had been gripping my arm, letting it flop down onto the bed. Tears were beading at the corners of her moist eyes, and in the faint light of the stars, I could see her cheeks were flushed. Her flustered breaths trickled out between the fingers of the hand I still had clapped over her mouth.
…Whaaa…?!
Hang on, this was one dangerous situation! How about some resistance? A little more fight? What am I gonna do if you just let me have my way?!
With Aqua’s wholehearted support magic behind me, I didn’t think I would lose to Darkness in a contest of strength. But now that she was looking totally defenseless and resigned like this… Well, that caused its own problems!
In the quiet shadows, I whispered, “H-hey, Darkness, don’t get the wrong idea, okay? I know this is one hundred percent weird, but it’s just— You know. I only came here to talk to you, so don’t think I’m trying to break into your room for…any other reason, all right? H-hey! Open those eyes! Don’t act all resigned to your fate! Stop it! You’re making this way more awkward than it has to be! Stop it, I said! This is—this is all kinds of dangerous!”
Dangerous for who? Dangerous for me. If I went back and said I broke into her room so I could talk to her, but she was so hot that I just got carried away and crossed that line… I think it would be a vicious cycle of Explosion and Resurrection for as long as they could manage.
I shook Darkness violently, keeping my hand over her mouth.
“Fine, then just lie there and listen to me! I busted in here so I could ask you what the hell is going on, okay? I’m going to take my hand away now. Don’t shout or anything. I’ve only come to talk, all right?”
My pleading caused Darkness to open her eyes slightly and nod.
Phew…
For some reason, I was more nervous than I had ever been in any of our battles.
“All right, I’m letting go now. Remember, no screaming.”
Darkness nodded again. I positioned myself so I could slap my hand back down if she started to yell, then slowly pulled my hand away.
Free of my grip, Darkness turned her head to one side as if she was embarrassed.
“You think…maybe you could look away, too, Kazuma? Are we really going to have a conversation staring into each other’s eyes from this close? In this position?”
I quickly looked in the opposite direction from Darkness. “Y-yeah, sure, you’re right. S-sorry I couldn’t find us a better place to chat! But why would you leave us a letter like that anyway?”
No sooner had I let my attention slip away from Darkness than she exclaimed, “Perrrverrrt! I’m being atta— Hrmgh!”
Argh! She got me! Dammit, I can’t believe I let my guard down!
I shoved my hand back over her mouth, but it was too little, too late. I could already hear a commotion from the hallway. Somebody was coming this way, fast.
Crap, crap, crap, what am I gonna do?!
Although she was once again silenced, Darkness looked up at me with a taunting triumph in her eyes. The laughter in her expression was unmistakable.
Stupid, stupid Darkness!
“What’s the matter, Young Lady?! I’m going to open the door now!”
A key scraped in the lock…
Gaaah! How I hate that victorious look on her face! But if she thinks I’m out of ideas, she’s got another think coming…
“No, don’t! I’m not decent! I’m sorry—I was just, uh, playing, and I got so excited I couldn’t contain myself and cried out!”
When she heard my voice, Darkness’s eyes got huge. That’s right: I was impersonating her.
“Er… But I really must confirm your safety, miss. And what do you mean by ‘playing’ at this time of night anyway?”
He didn’t believe me. I didn’t blame him; he probably thought the invader had forced Darkness to say all that.
“Playing! You know, as…as adults sometimes do, at night, by themselves… Don’t make me say more; it’s too embarrassing!”
“Young Lady…?!” The voice on the other side of the door choked.
At the same moment, Darkness grabbed my right hand with her free one.
“Or perhaps…,” I said, “…is checking on me just some sad excuse to see me in my least presentable state? You twisted perrrrrvert!”
Darkness, staring daggers at me while tears flew from her eyes, gripped my arm so hard she seemed ready to break it. It was enough to send my voice up an octave, at which the panicked interrogation from the hallway resumed.
“Wh-what’s going on in there?!”
Fighting against the pain, I replied, “N-nothing! I just forgot to turn off this strange magical toy! Ahhh! Oh! I’m gonna break! I’m going nuts! Any more, and I’ll—I’ll really break!”
“P-pardon me, Young Lady! I m-m-must excuse myself!”
The footsteps rushed back down the hall. Darkness’s shouting (or rather, my shouting in her voice) seemed to have attracted a small crowd, but whatever the guy said to them, I sensed them dispersing.
Somehow I withstood the pain in my arm; I looked down at Darkness, who was quaking and crying, and smirked at her.
5
Darkness started jabbing at the hand I had over her mouth. She seemed to be saying, I won’t scream again, so let me go. When I finally pulled my hand away, she let out a deep breath.
I looked at the arm Darkness had grabbed and saw a huge hand-shaped bruise. Without Aqua’s defensive buffs, it probably really would have broken.
In an exasperated tone, Darkness said, “Sheesh. You’re as awful as ever. Now look what you’ve done. Every servant in the household is going to think I’m some weirdo who— Hmm—?!”
That was as far as she got before she started shuddering.
“You’re thinking that wouldn’t be half bad, aren’t you?”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
A time like this, and she still— Sigh.
“All right, spill it,” I said. “What’s with leaving the party? Aqua and Megumin are worried sick about you, you know. You at least owe us an explanation. We’re—”
—your friends is what I was about to say, but I suddenly felt embarrassed to act so…involved.
Darkness, as if oblivious to my feelings, only laughed. “There are some things I can’t tell you because you’re my friends. It’s nothing all that important anyway. Just a family matter. This household borrowed money from that lord. My father was supposed to repay it a little bit at a time. But he hasn’t been in the best of health lately, so Alderp has started pressing the matter. He wants to know if my father can really repay him before he dies. He also said that if I would marry him, he would forgive the debt. That’s it. That’s the whole story.”
“That’s it,” my ass.
“You mean your family is in debt to that moron? Hang on, I thought your dad was supposed to be some kind of VIP in this country. Couldn’t he go to the king for money? And anyway, it’s almost—” I snapped my mouth shut.
Almost like…
“Like I’m being sold to pay my father’s debt? Yes, that’s exactly what it is. But that’s not so strange among noble houses. The daughter of one family is sent as a bride to another. It’s nothing more than that.” Darkness sounded as if it really was nothing to her. When she saw my expression, she went on. “Don’t make that face, Kazuma. You know what kind of men I like. I think that lord wants to make me his own the moment he gets the chance. He’s shoved aside all kinds of traditional ceremonies to hurry up the wedding day. He’s so frustrated, I don’t think he’ll even be able to wait for our first night together. He looks like he might just take me in a back room somewhere. Heh! Do you think he might starve me? Refuse to give me food or water? It’s enough to make my heart pound…!”
She laughed. She was trying to fool me. Pretend it was a joke… Well, if it was as funny as that, why did she look so sad?
“So that was why you were so hell-bent on us defeating the hydra by ourselves. And I had to go and get all those people involved… How much is this debt? I could—”
“Please don’t say you’ll pay, Kazuma. I’m a noble. Nobles are supposed to protect the common people. Have a commoner repay my debt using money he earned at the risk of his life? I would sooner choose to sell myself. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. The debt is so large that even your current resources couldn’t cover it.” She stared straight at me as she spoke.
I was still on top of her. In the starlight, I took a fresh look at Darkness, whom I hadn’t seen in so long. Her proud, stubborn blue eyes gazed back at me. Her golden hair was splayed across the bed, glowing faintly in the reflected light from the heavens. Her breathing still wasn’t quite under control from the struggle earlier, and a bead of sweat dribbled down her cheek.
With each hard inhale and exhale, her chest, covered only by her sheer nightgown, rose and fell, making its presence inescapably obvious. The fight with me had caused the straps of her negligee to fall down off her shoulders. Her whole body was warm…
Panicked, I mentally intoned some magic spells to help clear my head.
My mom half-naked, rolling around in the living room…
When I realized that underwear belonged to my grandmother…
Dust’s butt in red panties…!
I beg of you all, give this heart of mine a moment’s peace!
The magic had its effect; I was startlingly calm. Right, now I could deal with this a little longer.
Looking up at me, Darkness smiled gently and whispered, “Can you imagine stealing such a rich prize right from under Alderp’s nose? How about it, Kazuma? It’s just the two of us. Shall we make adults out of each other?”
The magic suddenly stopped working.
Calm down, Kazuma Satou! Think!
Darkness is just saying that because she’s all set to be a bride. She’s given up; she doesn’t believe she’ll ever see me again.
It can’t end like this, can it?
No, it can’t. I’ll never let someone like him have her.
That meant it wouldn’t be right to cross that final line here and now. What, was I ready to be Darkness’s boyfriend?
Hell no! Get it together, Kazuma Satou! Remember what you came here to do!
As I tried to keep myself from falling apart, Darkness gently took my hand and began drawing it closer to her body…
She seemed to be at a loss where exactly to go with it. Maybe she couldn’t quite bring herself to put it directly on her chest.
I looked at her anxious face, hesitated for about two seconds, and then…!
I decided not to worry about what came next and just let the moment sweep me along.
Darkness put my hand gently on her stomach and shivered. She closed her eyes. I knew this was the time to say something really smooth. I ran my hand over her pale, supple skin and said…
“Wow. Your abs really are ripped.”
6
Darkness and I faced each other in the star-washed room.
Her eyes were bulging and her fists were up, ready to fight. What had happened to the sexy times I was about to have?
“I’m sorry! I said I’m sorry! I just wasn’t thinking! Geez, I couldn’t stand it any longer!”
“I’m not always just playing at being upset, you know! You have a woman who’s ready to give herself to you, who’s totally committed, and you humiliate her like that?! Don’t think you’re going to get off so easily. You’ll be lucky if you get off alive!”
“Young Lady,” I said, “such base threats are beneath a woman of your station.” Then I dropped the fancy-butler act and said, “Geez. If you were in love with me, why didn’t you just say so?!”
“Who said anything as stupid as that, you big, dumb stupid-head?! Now I’m really angry! And stop calling me ‘Young Lady’!”
Darkness flew at me even as she shouted. My speed was buffed like everything else, and I easily avoided her.
I heard footsteps in the hall again. That was it. We could only make so much noise in the middle of the night before there was no more throwing them off.
“Ha-ha! How about that, Kazuma? The house staff is on the way! If they find you in here, believe me, you’ll suffer. Forcing your way into a noblewoman’s bedroom? If I don’t intercede for you, all the smooth talk in the world won’t keep your head on your shoulders. So how about a little kowtow and a nice heartfelt apology?”
Apparently, my avoiding her attack had pissed her off even worse. I could practically see the steam coming out her ears. I could sense a whole crowd outside, and there was a fevered pounding on the door.
“Young Lady! Young Lady, we’re coming in now!”
Darkness held her arms wide, preparing to grab, and then she jumped at me. Even under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have had any real trouble getting away from her, but with Aqua’s spells, there was no way I could lose.
And all this after I had worried and worked so hard to get here. If she thought I was going to give up now and beg for help, boy was she wrong!
“Come at me, Erosader! That’s right—you’ve got nothing but your hot body and your stamina and your muscles! I’m from the weakest class of all, and I can overpower you! Can and will—and I’ll leave you a crying wreck, just you watch! You saw me get serious back in the capital—you want some more of that?”
I said every word of this in Darkness’s own voice. Then I caught her hands in mine and we leaned into each other.
“D-don’t you steal my voice!”
“Y-Young Lady?! What on earth are you doing in there?!” The voice on the other side of the door sounded very confused. Fair enough: Darkness and I did sound identical now.
The key scrabbled in the lock. I glanced toward the door and shouted, “No, you mustn’t open it! Your sweet Lalatina isn’t wearing a shred of clothing! You mustn’t look at meeee!”
“Whaaa—?! S-sorry!”
For a second, the key went silent. I took the opportunity to use Drain Touch on Darkness, stealing her vitality. But she was a cut above mere royal knights; a quick Drain didn’t even make her flinch. She just gripped my hands even harder, her face turning red.
“Spare me this ‘you mustn’t’ nonsense! In my own voice, no less! Hey, don’t listen to him! He’s an invader, using magic to make himself sound like me!”
“Y-yes, miss! Right away, miss!”
The key started up again.
Damn it all!
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Victory goes to me this time, Kazuma! I haven’t always bested you in our battles, but how satisfying to triumph this one last time!”
I was draining her even as she spoke, but she was holding her ground.
One last time? Screw that! Now I’m really not gonna lose!
I let myself go limp; Darkness, who had been leaning into me, pitched forward. I took the opportunity to free my left hand and slammed it down on her back.
I didn’t make any effort to sound like anyone but myself as I bellowed, “Freeze!!”
“Nnngaahh!”
Darkness yelled and quaked as the ice magic suddenly assaulted her skin. Her face was still flushed and her body still trembling as she collapsed to her knees. I wrenched my right hand away from her, and—
“Young Lady!” The door flew open with a bang, but I was already pointing my palm in the direction of the entryway.
“Create Earth!”
It was the simple blinding tactic I so often used. When Darkness saw the pile of dust in my hand, she knew exactly what I was planning and tried to warn the staff.
“Everyone cover your—”
—eyes! is what she was going to say, but I was too fast.
“Wind Breath!”
A magical gust sprang up.
7
Kazuma here.
I’m an adventurer from Japan.
My dream is to live free and easy with so much money that I never have to worry about anything again. It’s a simple dream, and until this moment, I have lived a life of peace.
“Did you find him?! He’s not in the shadows over here! Our enemy has the Ambush skill, so be sure to check even the dark corners where nothing appears to be! Capture him—do not let him get away! In the name of the Dustiness family, I charge you to find that man and bring him to me!”
“““Yes, ma’am!!”””
At that moment, I was trying desperately to figure out a way to put some distance between me and Darkness, who had well and truly lost her mind.
“Kazumaaaaa! Where are you? If you turn yourself in like a grown-up, I’ll let you off with ten of my full-strength punches. But if I have to find you myself, you’ll have it way worse than that.”
Darkness, veins bulging as she shouted, was standing directly behind me. I was crouched down with Ambush on, creeping along the hallway.
It looked like every ounce of blood in Darkness’s body had gone to her head. She was in no fit state to talk, so I was going to call it a night. Anyway, I had a feeling that if she caught me now, she might legitimately kill me—knowing that Aqua could just resurrect me again.
I ducked into a nearby room, one that I thought might conceal a way out of the house. Luckily for me, the door wasn’t locked.
Okay. Now out the window…
Just as I was creeping toward my exit, a small voice came from the bed in the middle of the room.
“Is… Is someone there…?”
It was Darkness’s father. Even in the poorly lit bedchamber, I could see how thin his cheeks were, how pale his skin had gotten.
“Oh, it’s you…,” he whispered. “Imagine, seeing you here in the middle of the night… I see… My daughter has truly been blessed with fine friends…” His bony cheeks lifted in a smile.
Apparently, my mere presence was enough for him to figure out what I was there for. I guess they didn’t call him the kingdom’s confidant for nothing.
Even so, he looked nothing like he had the last time we’d met. He had been so full of life; now he smiled weakly. What kind of illness could ravage a man so quickly?
Footsteps hurried down the hallway.
“Sir, I’m sorry to ask a favor when you’re so ill, but your daughter is very, very angry right now. Do you think you could talk her down for me?”
The old man laughed merrily from his bed. “Is that right? She’s kept herself locked away in her room for so long. Is she finally feeling well enough to get angry?”
I really don’t think most fathers would laugh at that.
…And I had a thought.
“Sir. I’ve heard the story—how this family is indebted to Lord Alderp. But I have trouble believing someone like you would ever borrow money from someone like him. And your lifestyle doesn’t look that extravagant, either. So why the debt…?”
This was my chance to question Darkness’s father about the things that had been bothering me. I felt bad interrogating him when he was in such poor health, but Darkness wouldn’t tell me what was going on; maybe her dad would.
“…Mm. Young Kazuma,” he said after a moment, “I knew you were intelligent. Perhaps I really shall entrust my daughter to you. I’m very sorry, but…please take her. Take her and run away somewhere safe.”
What the heck was he talking about? I ask him about a debt, and he tells me to elope with his daughter?
“I’ll pass, thanks. That one’s a miss for sure. In fact, it so happens that I’m in this room because I’m trying to run away from your daughter. Very ladylike young woman you’ve raised there.”
“Ha-ha! Indeed. Ladylike and kind. Purehearted and shy, and loath to cause anyone trouble.”
He ignored my sarcasm and even seemed to be proud of his daughter. Whatever was making him sick, it looked like it had affected his brain. I wanted to ask him if we were talking about the same person, but I kept my mouth shut.
Darkness’s dad looked right at me. His body might have been wasting away, but there was still a powerful light in his eyes.
“Please don’t ask me why. My daughter knew about the debt when I entered into it, but— Well, if she isn’t here, then that’s that. I can sell the house; it will bring a fair amount. Anyway, I’m exploring various possibilities. The debt itself may yet disappear.”
So… Did that mean the debt was unjust? Whatever. Dad was capable enough to take care of that.
“It’s my daughter. She’s the one who’s rushing to give herself away. I wish only that she be stopped. Young Kazuma, if I understand correctly, my daughter does not think ill of you. Perhaps my pride misleads me, but I believe she is a worthy young woman herself… Do you agree?”
“Oh. Uh, what a question. She just told me a few minutes ago that she was going to murder me.” Anyway, there was something more important to deal with now. “Tell me what’s wrong with you. We have an excellent Arch-priest… Er, well, excellent at magic anyway. She can even use Resurrection. I don’t know what’s ailing you, but I’ll bring her here.”
Darkness’s father just smiled faintly at that. “No… It’s hopeless. Illness can’t be cured with healing magic, and those who die of illness can’t be brought back with Resurrection. Sickness has to do with our allotted life spans. No miracle can touch those who have lived out their lives. Whatever the cause of our end, we should be happy to run our race and go to the gods. So you needn’t look so somber.”
I hadn’t realized I had let my thoughts into my expression.
“Could you at least let our Arch-priest look at you? I mean, for your health to fail right at this particular moment…”
“You suspect His Lordship has poisoned me?” Dad finished the thought before I could.
…That was exactly what I suspected.
I had seen how Alderp lusted after Darkness. It was completely plausible that he was behind this…
“I’ve already investigated the possibility. It was the first thing I did. But there was no sign of poison.”
…I knew he was a sharp one. He had probably considered scenarios that hadn’t even occurred to me.
“Still?! You still haven’t found him?! Kazuma, get out here! And explain to these people that you were just imitating my voice! I didn’t say those things!”
A wry smile crossed Darkness’s father’s face when he heard his daughter in the hallway.
“I’m asking you… Take care of her.”
N-no thanks… Really…
“Can’t you ask the king to intercede on your behalf or something? You’re a big deal in this country, right? If Alderp is trying to stick you with an unjust debt…”
The old man closed his eyes and shook his head gently. “Perhaps I could, but my daughter would still end up married to him. Where did she get such tenacity? If I went to the king, my daughter would only chastise me for using the people’s taxes in such a way and insist that she go to wife to settle the debt.” He paused, then murmured, “How did I raise someone so uncomprehending?”
My question exactly, sir. Ex-act-ly.
I really wished he could do something about his stubborn daughter…
At just that moment, the door flew open, and there was Darkness, nostrils flared, glaring in our direction.
“Heh-heh-heh… So this is where you’ve been hiding. Ha-ha-ha! Now, what am I going to do with you…?”
“Hey,” I said, “there’s a sick man here. Keep your voice down. And get your head together already. I came here on behalf of the party because we were worried about you!”
Darkness showed no sign of having heard me; she looked like a woman possessed. “No excuses! For someone who’s worried about me, you sure succeeded in destroying my reputation in record time! This is a matter between noble houses. A commoner like you shouldn’t get involved. Go back to your mansion and make some more of your weird little toys!”
Why, this obnoxious—!
“Forget about the stupid debt already!” I said. “Why can’t we just run away from it?! Why can’t we all just start over somewhere new? Anyway, you know as well as I do that if I slink back home without you, those two—especially Megumin!—are gonna do something terrible for sure! Don’t be surprised if the whole ceremony goes down the tubes on your wedding day!”
“Just you try it—I’ll have them arrested, and you as a coconspirator! Don’t like it? Then keep a leash on your party! I’m not going to run away! If I did, the burden would just fall on someone else! Forget it, you and I have other business—!”
Then she charged at me. It looked like she was bent on settling our score before she got married.
Crap, she’s really gonna murder me!
I spun on my heel and made for the window.
“You stupid, dense, obtuse—! Fine! Do whatever you want! But don’t think I’ll be there for you when you get all weepy!” I aimed a flying kick at the glass portal. “You want my help, feel free to come by the mansion and apologize! I’m so sorry for worrying you, dear, sweet Kazuma! you’ll say! Please, please help m— Grrf!”
The window glass was stronger than I’d expected, and it failed to give way under my kick. I had to body-slam it to get it to shatter, but that threw me off balance, and I went tumbling to the ground.
We were just a couple of stories up, but with no chance to break my fall, I slammed into the ground—never a pleasant experience. Darkness ran to the window and looked down at me.
“A-are you all right, dear, sweet Kazuma?! If you apologize—I’m very sorry, Lady Dustiness; please help me—we won’t begrudge you healing!”
Her shoulders were shaking. She was barely restraining her laughter. I forced my body to move, starting to climb the iron fence to escape the guards who were coming this way after the commotion.
“D-damn you, Darkness! I’ll never help you again unless you apologize to me with tears in your eyes! Argh, stay back! Create Water! Freeze!”
As I tried to get in a final parting shot at Darkness, who was watching all this with glee, I laid down a trap for my pursuers and fled for my mansion.
8
“Hrrgh-gh-gh-gh! Aqua! Aquaaaaa! Heal me! Heal me right nowwwww!”
I barely understood how I made it back to the mansion. I went up to Aqua, who was dozing on the living room sofa, her egg in her hands. Darkness hadn’t pursued me to the house, maybe because she couldn’t stand the thought of seeing Aqua or Megumin.
“…Yawn. Huh? Kazuma, you’re a mess! Were you able to see Darkness? How did you end up like that? Did you say something stupid again?” Aqua used some healing magic as she fired questions at me.
Wait… Why does she look sort of…happy to see me like this?
Our conversation woke up Megumin, who was sleeping on the sofa next to Aqua.
“Welcome back, Kazuma. Whatever happened to you? Did you say something foolish again? Were you able to convince Darkness to come home?”
Now I know how you two see me.
Aqua’s magic made my injuries better in a flash, but it couldn’t do anything about the empty feeling in my heart. Still frustrated and indignant, I headed for my room on the second floor.
“Forget about that jerk,” I said. “Unless she comes crying, ignore her! I don’t know what’s going to happen to her—and I don’t care.”
Aqua and Megumin looked at each other.
“Aww… But Darkness and I had a promise to build a little house for Zel when he hatches…” She looked down sadly at her egg.
Megumin said, “I don’t know what happened, Kazuma, but is this really the time to pout? Do you at least know why Darkness has to get married?”
I stopped on the stairway. “Debt. Her family owes a bunch of money! And if she marries Alderp, he’ll forget all about it!”
“Erk… Debt?” Megumin said. “I don’t know how much she owes, but I’ve already sent money back to my family, so I don’t have very much on me right now…” She looked into her wallet, which was stuffed with coupons and membership cards, and let out an anxious sigh.
“Well, you know what they say about a friend in need,” Aqua added. “If she really needs money that badly, I can break open my piggy bank.”
Sure, like that would help.
I didn’t know how much the Dustinesses owed, but if it was enough that Darkness had to get married to settle the debt, then it was a lot. More than Megumin and Aqua could make up with their pocket change.
I turned my back on them and resumed the trek to my room. “She’s decided what she wants to do. Leave her alone and let her do it! Either she comes back here weeping and apologizing, or I forget I ever knew her.”
“Kazuma, this isn’t the time for theatrics!” Megumin said to my back. “Darkness is going to be married off! Can you really live with that?!”
Why don’t you ask her?!
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login