Chapter 3
May Everything Be Left to This Capable Adviser!
1
Last night was awful.
Aigis’s shouting brought the entire household running, and Chris and I had to flee without the chance to steal anything at all.
I was pretty sure nobody saw us, but I’m never entirely comfortable being on a wanted list.
I got back home before dawn, and when the excitement of the episode had finally worn off, I lay down to…
“Good morning! Hey, Kazuma, wake up—it’s morning!”
…try to sleep, only to be rudely interrupted.
Aqua’s announcement came just as I was burying myself under the covers, so I flung open the door and lit into her.
“Do you know how early it is?! I haven’t slept a wink all night, and I’m finally going to get some rest, so pipe down!”
She normally slept almost as late as I did, but I had a suspicion as to why she was up so early on this particular day.
“Oh, you haven’t slept, Kazuma? I guess that makes sense. After all, I already know why.”
I was stunned to hear her say that. I was sure no one had seen me come back to the mansion—could she have noticed me?
For that matter, how did she know I had been out thieving?
Maybe she wasn’t the complete idiot I took her for.
“You were too excited to sleep because you knew preparations for the festival were starting today! Don’t worry. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about—it’s a festival, after all!”
I guess I was the idiot for thinking I had to be wary of her.
Aqua, full of excitement, pulled the curtains open with a whoosh and tossed me some clothes to change into despite my unwillingness to do so.
“Can’t the festival preparations wait until afternoon? Why do they have to start so early…?”
“Kazuma, what are you talking about? We’re adventurers, aren’t we? We’re preparing for monster hunting, obviously!”
…?
“Weren’t we talking about preparations for your festival?”
“That’s exactly what we’re talking about.”
I had no idea what we were talking about anymore.
“Darkness and Megumin are ready already! Come on, Kazuma—get it together! Otherwise we’re all going to be late!”
Be late?
Seriously, what was going on here?
I changed my clothes, as instructed…
We arrived at the Adventurers Guild, and I opened the door to discover it was packed inside.
“…Look at this. Why would there be so many people here today?”
The place was overflowing with adventurers looking at the bulletin board for work.
This made zero sense.
It hadn’t been that long since we had all gone and hunted the Kowloon Hydra together. Their purses should have been stuffed.
And yet…
“Those going to hunt the Lesser Wyvern nesting in the mountains, over here, please! We especially need a Thief who can use Bind and, given that this is a flying enemy, an Archer who knows Deadeye! The reward is commensurate with the enemy’s strength! We have six more spaces available!”
“Bug-type monsters are swarming the forest! There are a lot of them, so we need plenty of people! This is going to be a large-scale hunt involving about a dozen people—any class, any level!”
“There are also a lot of herbivorous monsters on the plain—I do hope some of you will help take care of them. If left to their own devices, they’ll attract the huge monsters that prey on them; we need to get rid of them before that happens. The Guild is currently offering a variety of free items to support this effort! The hunt reward is also greater than normal! This is your chance to make some easy money!”
“Hey, what’s going on here?” I asked.
Aqua replied, “Obviously, the festival can’t be held safely if we don’t get rid of the monsters around here, so everyone’s in a frenzy. Strong monsters appear in the winter, but in the summer, it’s weak monsters that are the most active. This season even sees an increase in hunt rewards—it’s a great opportunity for adventurers to save up a little money.”
Huh, okay.
But that still didn’t really explain why everyone was here instead of lounging around after the windfall from the hydra.
…Ah. I saw a group of adventurers I recognized and went over to them.
“What’s up, guys—you’re here, too? I know Dust doesn’t have any money, but why are the rest of you with him? You should be rolling in cash.”
It was the party of Dust and his companions.
Keith, checking to make sure his bow was in good working order, looked at me, a little puzzled. “I would have expected you to be first in line for a hunt this big, Kazuma.”
…Why me?
“Yeah, it’s kind of weird that you’re not more excited about this, Kazuma (Mr. Regular-at-That-Shop). This time of year, most male adventurers forget everything else and go on these huge hunts.” This from Dust, who was sharpening his sword with an uncommonly serious expression.
“What’s the big deal? Are you guys that excited about the festival?”
“Festival? Ah, the female adventurers are busy clearing out the monsters around here so the festival can be held. A lot of the ladies are faithful Eris followers, you know. But for us men, it’s not like that. All the guys here want to go into the forest to hunt monsters.”
The forest? Wouldn’t around town be a much better place to hunt monsters than in the woods…?
Come to think of it, with all the other adventurers working so hard, maybe we could just take it easy.
I was thinking it was getting about time to go home.
There was one male staff member handing out support items to everyone in the crowded Guild who said, “Everyone, hunting the monsters that are currently swarming the woods is an especially serious responsibility, so please do your best! Whether or not we can enjoy a nice, peaceful festival this year is in your hands! Please help with our monster overpopulation problem…!”
Apparently, this was his way of encouraging the adventurers.
“…Say,” I said, “how are killing these monsters and having a pleasant summer related?”
Aqua looked at me, puzzled. “Hmm? Because if there are too many monsters around, people won’t be able to work in the nearby woods, right?”
“Yeah, I get that, but that would be more than just a problem for the woods, right?”
Megumin had a response to that. “Cicadas.”
Just one word, spoken with fear and loathing.
Cicadas.
So the singing, insectoid heralds of summer existed in this world, too.
“Yes,” Darkness interjected, suddenly looking very serious. “If there are too many monsters in the woods, the cicada catchers can’t do their jobs. If the cicada catchers can’t do their jobs, then obviously the cicadas fly over to town. And the cicada migration usually happens to coincide with festival season.”
“Okay, but who cares about cicadas? Aren’t they a quintessential part of summer? They live in the ground for ages, then in summer they pop up and make their raucous-yet-short-lived music. Don’t torment them just because they’re a little annoying. That’s human ego at work, and I hate that kind of thinking… In order to do my part in leaving those bugs alone, I’m going to go home and go to sleep.”
As I spoke, I grabbed Darkness and Megumin both by the collar in order to drag them with me.
“Oh yeah,” Aqua said, crossing her arms. “I forgot that you’re a stupid jerk who doesn’t know the first thing about this world, Kazuma. Well, listen to me. The cicadas here are on steroids. Japanese cicadas live for about a week. But the ones here, hopped up on magical energy and vitality, can live for up to a month.”
Okay, so they liked to live large.
“So what? I’m sure there’s some kind of catch, right?” I said. “Like maybe the droppings they leave behind when they start flying smell really bad or something. But hey, even bugs have to answer nature’s call. And so what if they live for a month? Leave the poor things alone.”
Megumin and Darkness looked at each other. They seemed to wonder if I was being serious.
“Excuse me, Kazuma,” Aqua said. “There are two major differences between the cicadas here and the ones in Japan. For starters, the cicadas here are much louder. I’d say several times as loud as the ones you know.”
So they’re louder. Big deal.
…Wait, actually, I can see how that would be kind of annoying…
“And also…the cicadas here chirp all night as well as all day.”
That sounds super-annoying!
2
We were in the woods near town.
A Guild staff member was directing a great many adventurers from the center of the forest.
“All right, frontliners with confidence in their Defense, cover your bodies in monster-attractant potions, please. Kindly bear in mind that although we’re dealing with insect-type monsters, there are a lot of them, so don’t let down your guard!”
Apparently, a quest like this was called a Large-Scale Hunt. When a group of monsters had grown too numerous for a single adventuring party to deal with, several parties would come together under the direction of a Guild staff member to get rid of them.
Normally, staff didn’t go out in the field, but it seemed they could and would when a leader was needed in cases like this. To be fair, many adventurers were people who liked to do things their own way and didn’t have a lot of patience for cooperation; without Guild staff to lead them, an effort like this could quickly descend into bickering.
As was happening now, for example.
“I, as acting governor, shall draw off all the monsters! Yes, this is my very duty as protector of the people! So give me all your potions!”
“No way—these aren’t just for attracting monsters. If you use too much, you’ll get attacked by everything under the sun.”
“Th-that would be exactly what I desire!”
As would happen when you had someone like this involved.
“Hey, perv, don’t get in the way of Guild business,” I said. “You only need to protect our party.”
“Ohhh! But summer monsters are so cute! I’m begging you, Kazuma, for pity’s sake…!”
I grabbed Darkness before she could make any more demands and dragged her away.
Including my party and me, there were about thirty of us gathered there. It looked like most of the parties were made up of four or five people. The toughest-looking members of each group were dousing themselves with potions.
Darkness followed them, taking the potions she’d been given, and…
“…H-hey, you… Were you listening to the Guild person?”
Darkness was taking the potions, of which she seemed to have received more than her fair share, and applying them liberally to herself.
Despite my annoyed tone, Darkness replied, “Heh-heh. I can’t spend every day telling you to work and then fail to stand in the vanguard myself. Crusaders are living shields. I’ll take on every attack. But hey, it looks like you’re actually kind of into this today. I’ll keep you safe, so go slaughter the enemy with complete peace of mind!”
Darkness actually sounded kind of cool. Maybe she was really excited to finally be on a quest again. She gave a fearless smile, full of confidence.
“Well, obviously,” I said. “When it comes to the safety of the townspeople, I’m sorry, but those monster cicadas are just going to have to die. I think you’ll find I’m a little bit different today—just watch and see!”
Darkness was right: Somewhere along the line, I had gotten pretty fired up about this.
When I had learned how the cicadas of this world behaved, I understood why all the other guys were so eager to do this.
They were cicadas.
That’s right: If they cried and chirped all night, then of course a certain establishment specializing in sweet dreams would be unable to provide their services.
And apparently, this would go on for an entire month.
Darkness and I seemed to have set the tone.
“The both of you are full of vim and vigor, I see. In that case, I shall show you that I will vanquish more monsters than anyone. Kazuma, just you watch!”
Megumin gave an equally confident smile, as if she thought she was competing with us.
I knew how this sort of thing went. Obviously, next would be…
“…? What? Why’s everyone looking at me?”
“Huh? …Oh, no reason. I was just thinking that this is right about when you usually get carried away and do something stupid.”
Aqua, who was acting surprisingly mature, replied, “Excuse me, but just what do you take me for? I am capable of learning, you know. Wait and see. You three are getting carried away, and by the end of this hunt, it’s going to cost you… Whereas I, ever intelligent, have learned. I’ve learned that getting carried away never leads to anything good.”
“?!”
I could hardly believe my own ears. Was Aqua—the same Aqua who could get us in trouble no matter what we were doing, who could attract the undead just by standing around—was she…?!
To see Aqua grow up like this caused the tears to well in my eyes…
“?! Wh-what’s wrong?! What on earth is going on?! Hey, Kazuma, why are you crying?”
I averted my eyes from Aqua’s anxious jabbering, rubbing them gently, full of appreciation for my companion’s genuine growth.
Maybe Darkness and Megumin couldn’t hear what Aqua and I were saying, because they were looking at us in confusion.
“All adventurers! The first wave of monsters has arrived! We have plenty of insecticide ready. Let the hunt begin!” the Guild staff member’s voice rang out.
Insect-like monsters were approaching us, loosing earsplitting cries as they moved to attack the people who had enemy-attractant potions slathered all over them.
“Ugh! Wait…! There’s so many of them! Backup, somebody!” an adventurer shouted.
I looked to see them being attacked by a flying beetle the size of a small dog. And that was plenty big enough to be terrifying.
I’d heard that the horns of a flying beetle could punch through the windshield of a moving car. I didn’t know what made the beetles around here so much bigger, but they seemed likely to be proportionately more troublesome.
As I watched in contemplation, the flying bugs plowed on. They twisted their little bodies as if they were going to start spinning, their horns thrusting upward…!
“Hrgh?!”
One adventurer took a horn to the stomach and started writhing in pain.
There was a screech of metal; the adventurer had been wearing armor. But even so…
“Eeeyowch! Dammit, he stabbed me in the stomach, even if it was only a little bit! Watch out—they’ll punch right through cheap plate mail!”
As the adventurer fought back tears, I saw the bug lodged firmly in his armor.
These beetles really knew how to hit where it hurt!
Other adventurers quickly teamed up to extract the beetle from the first guy’s armor. At the same time, the wounded man began to glow faintly.
“Huh…?! …Ooh, healing magic!” The adventurer was surprised to discover his pain disappearing; maybe Aqua had healed him.
Next, the bodies of all the adventurers acting as our shields began to glow as well. Aqua was casting support magic on all of them.
What’s with Aqua today? She’s actually being useful…!
I was seized by a mixture of surprise and admiration.
“I can handle twenty of them! Twenty, I say!! Bring me more, more!”
Smack in the middle of those acting as our shields was my very own Crusader, stopping more attacks than any of them and shouting happily while she did it.
Today, Darkness seemed reliable and even a little bit cool, just like she’d said she would be.
My companions were showing sides of themselves I’d never expected. Far be it from me to be the only one who didn’t get in on the action.
I took the insecticide I’d been given by the Guild, which came in a device made of bamboo and shaped a bit like a water pistol.
Then I squirted it at the oncoming bugs.
Adventurers around me did the same thing, trying to support our protectors.
It wasn’t just horned beetles flying at us. There were creatures that looked like stag beetles and others that looked like praying mantises. There was a variety of others as well, all of them much, much bigger than normal. You might think they were just bugs, but at that size, they definitely qualified as monsters.
As the casualties piled up, Aqua did her best to keep healing. She wasn’t even getting all carried away; she was quiet and businesslike. I brought my insecticide to bear, hoping to back her up, when I felt a tug on my sleeve.
“Is it not time yet? Kazuma, has my moment not yet come?!”
Megumin, seeing everyone else hard at work, was getting impatient to let off her explosion. I was sure she was eager to show what she could do. But…
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’ll have a moment today. We’re in the middle of a forest, remember? If you use your magic, you’ll take out half the trees in the area. So just be quiet and—”
“Explosion!!!”
Megumin intoned her magic spell as if she had never had any intention of letting me finish.
From high above our heads came a massive roar and a blinding flash of light.
A violent wash of air came down along with them, leaving behind it a bunch of toppled adventurers and Darkness.
Apparently, the small bug-type monsters couldn’t withstand the force of the shock, because they had all dropped to the ground and stopped moving.
There was a lot of moaning going on. Aqua had managed to recover and was hurrying busily from one person to the next, casting healing magic.
Megumin, from her place collapsed on the ground beside me, had only this to say:
“Megumin has leveled up.”
“You dumbass!” I sat up, angry, and dragged the all-too-pleased Megumin up with me. “Why the hell would you do it when I said not to?! Just look at this mess! You need to apologize to everyone right now!”
“It’s because you told me I would never have a chance here, Kazuma. The adventurers of this town are already accustomed to my explosions, so they’re fine.”
Megumin was boldly defiant, and what was worse, she was right: The adventurers scattered on the ground were pulling themselves to their feet without so much as a word of complaint.
This is some group…
As I approached them, Darkness was trying to get up off the ground, but her heavy armor was giving her a rough time.
As she lay there struggling, she said, “…What’s this? My body is tingling.” She looked puzzled…
I glanced at her armor, and my eyes just about bugged out of my head. “Holy crap…! Your armor! You’ve got ants all over your armor!”
Darkness’s landing spot on the ground was swarming with ants. This was probably what came of ignoring the staff and slathering herself with every enemy-attractant potion she could find.
I took a step back, but Darkness tried to catch the eyes of Aqua and me. “Ahh…! Wai— Kazuma, help me! It—it tickles! The ants must be getting into my armor; hurry and spray me with insecticide, or Create Water, or…!”
With her armor on, she couldn’t scratch herself, but neither could she quickly take her armor off—so she was reduced to thrashing and yelling.
It sounded like a pain to deal with, and besides, she’d brought this on herself. I ignored her.
The Guild staff member, who had also been knocked over by the explosion, stood up without a word, perhaps accustomed to us rowdy adventurers pulling stunts like this. “Good work, everyone; now get ready for the second wave…”
…Second wave?
The Guild person sounded casual, but along with the announcement, we could hear a distinct humming of insect wings. The shaking and quaking from the explosion had presumably upset the rest of the bugs in the forest.
“…Well, this is no good.”
“Waaaaah, Kazumaaa! I have a really, really bad feeling about this!” Aqua, belying how calm she had been all day, cried to me with an expression of distinct unease.
She wasn’t wrong, though: We soon saw hundreds of bugs, who were all very angry that we were invading their territory…!
“Fall back!” I shouted. “Fall baaack!” The adventurers and Guild staff around me scattered in all directions.
“—Ohhh… Sniff… And I tried so hard this time… I was a good girl and didn’t get carried away or anything, and still…”
The lot of us was on the road home.
I heaved a sigh, dragging along Aqua, whose hair was in disarray from the swarm of insects. Riding on my back was Megumin, who was still in awfully high spirits over having taken out an entire army of monsters all by herself.
Although they had ultimately ended up in some danger, the rest of the adventurers had been part of a major hunt in relative safety. The massive reward for slaying all those monsters would be split equally among everyone, so they were all looking pretty happy, too.
And then there was…
“Mn… Unf…! Pant… Pant… Kazuma… K-Kazuma, this is an entirely new sensation… This is completely new to me…”
Maybe there were still ants in Darkness’s armor, because she was bright red and running her stupid mouth—and despite her complaints that it hurt-tickled until just a little while ago, she seemed altogether pleased with the situation at the moment.
Remind me again why I gave up everything I owned to rescue this pervert.
3
The days after the hunt were both busy and fulfilling. Mornings, we would go out hunting monsters, and in the afternoons, we would busy ourselves with preparations for the festival.
I wasn’t normally big on monster hunting, but for the sake of my beloved shop… Er, I mean, for the sake of the upcoming festival, it hardly seemed much to ask.
Maybe even a hikikomori like me wanted to experience the fun of a school culture festival?
I met with the other leaders of the downtown district on a near-daily basis, giving them a wealth of advice, all purely from the innocent desire for this celebration to succeed.
One Week Until the Festival
“—As your adviser, I think it would be an excellent way to increase sales if all your salesgirls were wearing swimsuits!” I slammed the table with my fist, my adviser passion burning.
“I think that’s a fine idea, a fine idea indeed, but! If we overdo it, won’t the police have something to say about it?!”
“How can you have a festival if you’re afraid of mere words?! As our esteemed adviser says, it would certainly increase sales! And what self-respecting merchant knows of a way to increase sales but doesn’t take advantage of it?!”
“I’m sorry, but I think the president’s concern is warranted. It would be problematic if the desire for short-term profit caused next year’s festival to be curtailed in any way… Damn! If only there was some excuse to get those girls in swimsuits…”
The president was worried.
The other council members were arguing.
And as I watched them, a plan came together in my mind.
“I’ve got an idea.”
That changed the tone real quick.
“You do?!”
“What is it, dear adviser?!”
I looked back at them. “The celebration this year is partly the Aqua Appreciation Festival. That’s right: The name of the goddess of water is on the marquee.”
Everyone drew a collective breath.
“So we have salesgirls in swimsuits here and there, and we splash them with water. Then we explain that we had them wear swimsuits because you can get them wet. Besides, I hear the festival is held at the hottest time of year. Well, we wouldn’t want anyone to get heatstroke, would we? If anyone tries to object, we just say, ‘So when they collapse from overheating, you’ll take responsibility?’ Bureaucrats hate the word responsibility—that’ll quiet them down.”
“Brilliant! Mr. Adviser, you’re a genius!”
“When this festival is over, I want you to come be an adviser for my establishment!”
The council chamber was filled with the sound of applause.
“—Hey, Kazuma,” Darkness said. “The festival committee sent us something that says ‘Guidelines for Heatstroke Prevention and Outline of the Aqua Appreciation Festival.’ You’re a member of that committee, right? What’s going on here?”
“Oh yeah, it’s supposed to be real hot during the festival. They’re going to be spraying water here and there to keep people cool, and you can’t expect the salesgirls to wear their usual work clothes in that situation. What if the water made their underwear transparent? Swimsuits will keep anyone from being embarrassed. I never got a chance to be part of a festival like this in my own country. So it’s really important to me that this one succeeds…”
“O-oh, I see. Sorry, my gut instinct thought something weird was going on. But if that’s the case, then I understand, and I give my permission. You’re right—this is the first summer festival we all get to experience together. Of course we want it to succeed.”
And thus I managed to get Darkness, still not quite accustomed to being governor, on board.
Three Days Until the Festival
Not everything went so smoothly for me as adviser. I had some pretty serious arguments with the operations committee as well.
“All of our explosion-magic users have been sent to reinforce the vicinity of the capital against recent activity by the Demon King’s army,” the president of the committee was saying. “We simply don’t have the firepower for fireworks this year. We’ll have to cancel them.”
That provoked a vicious response from me.
“Idiot! How can you even think of canceling the fireworks?! Fireworks mean YUKATA, get it?! And a festival isn’t a festival without YUKATA!!”
“Please, Sir Adviser, calm down! When you say yukata, do you mean those yukata? The famous light summer robes from a far country?”
“It’s just fireworks and YUKATA. Is it such a big deal?”
“I understand that you’re looking forward to these robes of yours. And I’ve heard that it is customary to wear yukata while watching fireworks displays. But without any users of Explosion available, I don’t think there’s anything we can do. I don’t even know if there are any users of blasting magic around here…”
“Just lobbing a Fireball up in the air won’t amount to much…”
I looked around at them, and that was when I hit on a plan.
“I’ve got an idea. One of my party members knows explosion magic.”
“No, absolutely not! That blast would obliterate the entire festival!”
“I take it back—you’re no genius! You’re a fool!”
“We should never have asked a man like this to be our adviser. What was I thinking…?”
The committee set about ridiculing my plan.
I grabbed the president by the collar of his shirt. “Just say that again, you jackass—you’re the one who oughta quit! A fireworks display is central to every man’s romantic fantasies! It’s an absolutely crucial part of any summer! Watching fireworks with a girl in a yukata! It’s just the moment where you can casually take her hand and she won’t even mind—and you want to skip it?! What the hell are you thinking?!”
“Then come up with another plan, you little shit. A useful one! Hey, you’d better lower that arm—does an adventurer dare to commit violence against a civilian?”
“Let’s get him! He may be rich, but he’s not strong! Don’t let him get away!”
Like I said, we didn’t always see eye to eye.
“‘Application for Permission to Use Explosion Potion’…? Hey, Kazuma, what do you plan to use something like that for? Isn’t that dangerous? Hey, wait a second… Why are you covered in bruises?”
“We need the potion for the festival. Everyone’s hopes are riding on me; I can’t let this celebration fail.”
“R-right. You look so serious; you must mean it. I’ll grant permission. But…seriously, why are you so badly injured?”
“There are some things a man just has to fight for. These wounds are marks of pride for me. I got them defending what matters most.”
“Um, okay, then. I won’t ask for the details. Something tells me it’s better that I don’t.”
Persuading Darkness to go along with what I wanted was just one of the many tasks that filled my days.
I realized, on reflection, that I had never really gotten to experience a culture festival in middle school. Maybe it was selfish of me, but this was a way of getting back just a little bit of the student life I had never gotten to enjoy. To be perfectly honest, the payment I was receiving as adviser was secondary.
I turned away from Darkness, who still looked a bit concerned, and headed for my room. Along the way, I offered up a prayer that this festival would go smoothly.
…Until the Festival
At long last, the festival would be held the next day, and this was the final day on which the committee would meet. During this brief time in which I would culminate my role as adviser, I brought a plan to the companions with whom I had argued and fought so much.
“Where I come from, there was a place called Asakusa that used to hold a Samba Carnival. Girls in provocative costumes would dance wildly while parading down the street…”
“Don’t lie to us! Whoever heard of such a festival?! You’re just saying whatever you want! What kind of adviser are you? You’re just some horny kid!”
“The other day, he claimed that there’s a festival where women carry around a giant sculpture of the male member—preposterous! A festival like that would be madness!!”
The other members of the committee were getting restless, but I pounded the table as I made my rebuttal. “It’s true, every word! Don’t go around calling people liars when they aren’t! And come on, the Eris Festival is just too plain! You’re really telling me the whole thing consists of everybody going to the Eris Church to pray? There’s got to be something else, something eye-catching—portable shrines slamming into one another or something!”
“Festivals are sacred occasions, not the insanity you’re imagining!”
“Making money is certainly important, but I think we’re at risk of losing something even more valuable!”
“The ideas you come up with are too over-the-top! I’m not saying there can’t be a little bawdiness, but can’t you be subtler?!”
That night…
I was having my now-customary discussion with Darkness…
“Hey, Kazuma, do you have a moment?” she said.
“I guess. What’s up?”
“I don’t understand what this proposed ‘costume parade’ is.”
I had been expecting as much.
“They say the goddess Eris comes down to our world in an assumed form and does things for the benefit of the people here without anybody knowing. You’ve heard that story, right?”
“Yeah, sure… It’s a famous fairy tale among Eris followers. That’s why every year at this time, the town is full of people dressed like Lady Eris, so she can incarnate herself in her true form to come enjoy the festival. No one will know it’s her among all the costumes.”
Huh, and here I thought everyone was just into cosplay. I didn’t know there was a story like that behind it.
“Well, the costume parade is based on that custom, but it’ll help spice up the festival a little bit. The costumes don’t have to look like Lady Eris. They could look like a hero, or a queen, or the goddess Aqua, or anything at all. In my country, we had a festival called Comiket, and you’d see all sorts of cosplay there.”
“I—I see. I guess the part about wanting to make things more exciting makes sense to me. But still…this festival is about honoring a goddess, and I’m a little concerned about this application for permission to dress up as a succubus…”
“What are you talking about? Remember, this is a big festival. Goddesses aren’t the only ones who want to get out and about sometimes. It’s a festival, so why worry? If you have a few girls in sexy costumes wandering around town, just chalk it up to having a good time.”
“A good time… Hmm? Wait, hang on. What are you talking about? It almost sounds like you want beings other than the goddess to be able to join in…”
“Don’t think about it—just sign the stinking paper. This is a special request from the male adventurers of this town! Plus, if we can get this idea approved, I know some lovely ladies who promised to do real succubus cosplay!”
“Who exactly are these lovely ladies? And why are you so intent on this?! Fine, fine, I understand! I just don’t know what kind of girls would dress up like that…”
And so, as frantic as it was, preparations for the festival proceeded as planned.
Until finally, the day arrived…
4
“All right, Axel, I know you’ve been waiting for this! Are you ready? It’s time for the Eris and Aqua Appreciation Festival!”
“Whoooooooooo!”
The MC’s voice echoed from a magical amplifying device. At the same moment, magical spells were thrown into the sky to celebrate, and they were matched on the ground by cheering and shouting.
“Is it morning already…?”
It was the day of the start of the festival.
In an attempt to make up for the time spent working all day every day, since the night before I had been binging the game Aqua brought back from Crimson Magic Village. The ruckus outside alerted me that morning had come.
I came downstairs, famished, to find Megumin eating breakfast by herself.
“Good morning, Kazuma. Aqua and Darkness and now you—everyone’s up very early this morning.”
“I’m not exactly up; I’ve just been playing a game in my bed since last night. Are you telling me Aqua and Darkness are awake already? I don’t see them anywhere. Did they go out?”
“Aqua was too excited to sleep all night, so she went out as soon as it was light.”
Like a kid who couldn’t wait to go on a field trip.
“When I told Darkness that Aqua had left, she dashed out in a hurry. I think she was going to make sure the Axis Church didn’t pull any weird stunts.”
“Life’s been rough for her since she became acting governor, huh? Are you going to go see the festival, Megumin?”
“No. I am thinking of going to see Yunyun, who likely has no one to take her to the festival and is presumably on the verge of tears by now. I will wander back and forth nearby, not specifically offering to go to the festival, teasing her with her inability to just come out and invite me. Would you like to join me, Kazuma?”
“Geez, if you’re gonna go that far, then just go with her. I’m gonna take an all-day nap, then check out the shops in the evening.”
“What you’re describing does not sound like a nap, but… By the way, Kazuma, are you available on the third night of the festival?” Megumin had finished her breakfast and was calmly sipping some tea.
“The third night? I’ll probably be checking out the shops again. Why?”
“Oh, it’s just that there’s a fireworks display on the third night. I can’t imagine a fireworks display involving the Axis Church could possibly occur without incident, so we won’t be sure until the day of… But if it is safe, would you like to go see it with me?”
Before I could answer, Megumin disappeared into the kitchen with her breakfast utensils.
…Hey, there is going to be a fireworks display, isn’t there?
Going to see a festival fireworks display with a girl.
Whoa, it’s almost like normal adolescence!
That night…
Unable to sleep because of the unexpected “fireworks event,” I found myself uncharacteristically intimidated by the bustle of town.
Crowded public spaces were the natural enemy of the hikikomori.
And the closer I got to the merchant district, the more crowded it became.
At the entrance to the Axel merchant district, a huge curtain had been hung, inscribed with the words ERIS APPRECIATION FESTIVAL in towering letters.
The words AQUA APPRECIATION FESTIVAL had been added beside them in much smaller letters.
Thinking I should start by seeing how things were going, I headed for the area set off for the Axis Church.
It was full twilight, and the town was ablaze with lights. The streets of the business district were even livelier than usual, full of adventurers and townspeople and vendors and every type of person. There were shop stalls everywhere you looked and a whole lot of noise.
I hoped Aqua’s area would be just as exciting.
Unfortunately, over by where Aqua and her friends had their shop, it looked like some kind of disagreement had broken out.
5
“I’m afraid you simply cannot sell something like this without permission! Why must you Axis disciples always be nothing but trouble?”
“‘Something like this’? How rude! Our Lady Aqua was so kind as to come up with the idea for this shop, and you come here and badmouth it?!”
Cecily was the one involved in the fight. She was in the middle of an argument with one of the policemen patrolling the festival.
“Hey, you, what are you doing?” I said. “I told you to make things exciting, not get in a big fight. Why is it you people can never be satisfied if you’re not getting yourselves in trouble with the police every time I look away?”
Cecily looked like she was about to be arrested. When she saw me, she exclaimed, “Oh, perfect timing! Listen to me, good Kazuma, this man is giving me trouble—he wants me to shut down this shop!”
“What do you mean, ‘trouble’? There’s no way I can permit this!”
What in the world could they be fighting about?
I glanced at the shop in question to discover a washbasin full of water, with tadpoles swimming in it.
“…What’s this?”
The animals looked awfully large for tadpoles.
In that moment…
“Lady Aqua told us. She said goldfish scooping was essential at festivals. We didn’t understand exactly what goldfish scooping was, but I’ve tried to re-create it as best I can. I couldn’t find any wild goldfish, so I settled for tadpoles and opened this shop…” As Cecily spoke, she looked at me as if begging me to do something.
What was the point in fishing for tadpoles? In fact, wait a second, weren’t these…?
“Hey, aren’t these a little big for tadpoles? Are they really just tadpoles?”
As if in response, the officer said, “Come on, you can’t sell young Giant Toads here! They’ll grow up before you know it! If you sell these small ones, in a few months the town will be overrun with frogs!”
“Let’s put some insecticide in this pool,” I suggested, following my first instinct, but Cecily tried desperately to stop me.
“Please don’t destroy my shop! Lady Aqua was sure you would be happy to experience such a nostalgic pastime! Don’t you love goldfish scooping?!”
“Yeah, emphasis on goldfish. Who would want to catch these ugly things? If we put them back in the wild, they’ll grow up and cause all kinds of problems, so if you don’t want me to just kill them, then get rid of them somewhere far, far away from here! Didn’t you guys insist that if I got you permission for this festival, everything else would be fine?”
Cecily snickered at that. “Surely you don’t think this is the only shop the Axis Church has here? For the sake of this day, we enlisted Axis followers from all over town to put their heads together!”
Cecily began pointing, highlighting more than thirty shops of all different types. Startled to realize there were more Axis followers than just Cecily in this town, I thought of certain other species where the presence of one was likely to indicate thirty more.
Surprisingly, though, there were a lot of visitors at each of the stalls, and it looked genuinely lively. There was an instant where I almost admired them and what must have been a great deal of hard work—until I noticed there was something odd about those shops…
“Who wants to try grilled kraken?” one woman shouted. “Young krakens grilled up just for you, a most unusual treat! Try one; they’re delicious!”
“Hey, isn’t this just normal grilled squid? It doesn’t taste any different…”
“What are you talking about—have you ever tried real kraken? This is what it tastes like, I assure you. You have the guarantee of the Axis Church!”
“Come one, come all, and see what’s in my stall! Behold the creature caught by one very brave Axis disciple: a bizarre half-breed, the offspring of a fishy merman and the half-human, half-fish mermaid! …Oh! Honored customer, you mustn’t turn violent inside the shop!”
“Like hell. Gimme my money back! It’s just a big fish in a tank!”
“I told you: It’s the offspring of a merman and a mermaid!”
…Well, that went south in a hurry.
“Do your sharpshooting here! Hit the target right between the eyes and win a—”
“Hey, the character you’re using for a target looks just like Lady Eris! Does your blasphemy against her know no bounds?!”
“Huh, Eris followers trying to antagonize us on the very first day of the festival! Patrolmaaan, come over here, please! I need you to arrest this Eris follow— Hey, what’re you doing? You’re supposed to get rid of this woman, not my shop…!”
………So you had one guy already getting shut down by the police.
And then there was—
“Hey, lady, is this a real dragon?”
“Yes, of course it is. There’s a craze for dragon raising in the Axis Church right now, you know. Only five hundred eris each. You should buy one.”
And then there was the moron who had painted some lizards she’d caught nearby and was trying to convince passing kids they were dragons.
“Huh? Five hundred eris? That’s my entire allowance. I won’t be able to buy anything else, so forget it. Plus, they look an awful lot like lizards.”
“That’s your choice, I guess. But then these poor little things will be leftovers. And you can hardly just release an unsold dragon into the wild; it would be much too dangerous. They’ll have to go to a shelter somewhere… And if they still can’t find owners, I’m sure they’ll have to be put down, the poor dragons…”
Cowed by this ridiculous charade, the kid started to sweat.
“N-no way! Those are just lizards, aren’t they?! You can set them loose anywhere!” He looked like he was about to cry, but the idiot running the shop decided to appeal to the goodness in a child’s heart.
“Heavens no, these are genuine dragons! Are you sure you won’t buy one? Can you live with yourself, not doing that for them?”
“Ergh… B-but if I buy one, I won’t have any allowance left…”
“So you won’t buy one, is that it?! Believe me—you’ll regret it! Oh, you poor dragons, now you’ll go to a shelter for sure!”
“I’ll send that dumb chick of yours to a shelter! Grah! What do you think you’re doing to these kids, you jerk?!”
I smacked Aqua on the head.
6
“You were the victim of a fake dragon–selling scheme, and then you turn around and try to victimize others the same way?”
“What are you talking about, Kazuma? Don’t you know? A little bit of ripping off and swindling is par for the course at a festival. Doesn’t that ever happen in Japan? And also, I’ll have you know that Emperor Zel is a genuine dragon.”
I put my head in my hands, our resident lizard vendor, Aqua, in tow.
I still hadn’t found a single serious stall. I should have known it was a mistake to leave things to this group. Even with me diligently fanning the rivalry between the two churches, Aqua and her friends were simply too much of a risk.
“What you guys were up to doesn’t even count as ‘a little,’ you idiot! Not only have you not made this festival more exciting, you’ve pissed off all our customers! And on top of that, Darkness said she was going to be looking around the festival personally. When that hardhead gets wind of this farce, you’d better believe the Axis Church will never be allowed to participate in a festival again.”
That last detail seemed to finally alert Aqua to the gravity of the situation.
“W-well, how about this one, then? Come here, Kazuma—I’ve got faith in this shop! There’s nothing shady about it, and it’s making more money than anyone else!”
She dragged me over to a particular shop. It was a little stall in the far corner of the area that had been dedicated to the Axis Church.
To my surprise, there was an actual crowd around it.
…When I got a good look, though, my knees buckled.
There, her face drawn, was Chris.
“Chris was just wandering around, looking like she had plenty of free time, so I asked her to help out with this shop!”
What is she doing? I mean, seriously.
Why was the goddess of the Eris Church helping out at an Axis shop?
Chris was sitting there, hugging her knees, her expression dead. She waved to me weakly.
It looked like she was running some kind of lottery.
“Hey, another one! I want another one!”
“Wait your turn; I’m first! I’ve put a lot of money into this already!”
You bought a ticket, and if you got the lucky number, you could get back several times what you put in. It was a simple concept, but nonetheless, the shop had a lot of visitors, and for some reason, everyone was really getting into it.
One man held up several eris coins, then picked one of the three tickets Chris held out to him.
Tremblingly, he checked the number…
“Dammit, lost again! Hey, show me the other two!”
Chris did as he asked, revealing the numbers on the other two tickets. Both of them were winners.
Ah, so only one out of three lost. Most games like this involved a one-in-three chance of winning, but this shop actually gave customers the advantage.
But yet…
“All right, this time I’m going to win! I don’t see anything fishy going on here, which means I have to get lucky eventually!”
“There’s no sign that blessing magic’s been cast anywhere, so why do we always lose…? Come on—let’s quit this.”
“Just one more time! I don’t even have to make back what I put in; I’d be happy just to win once! I can’t leave with nothing but misses!”
There was every indication the customers were at an advantage, yet they kept losing—and that both upset them and made it impossible for them to back out.
It was too bad for them, but they were facing…
“Okay, this is it! O Lady Eris, goddess of good fortune, please let me pick a winner this time! If I don’t, I swear I’ll convert to the Axis Church!”
“What?! W-wait just a second!” Chris exclaimed, but it was too late.
The man was already grabbing a new ticket…!
“This is the one! …Aaaarrrggghhh, dammit!! Screw stupid Lady Eriiis!”
“H-how could you?!”
I guess the guy lost again. He threw the ticket to the ground, shouting, while Chris sat there ready to cry.
“Excellent work, Chris—I knew it was worth forcing you to help me with this! Not only did you run the game, you even earned the Axis Church a new convert! You know, I got this really weirdly shaped rock from the Kowloon Hydra’s cave, and I’d be willing to give it to you to thank you.”
“I don’t want it! Aww…my precious follower…”
I really couldn’t fathom what she was doing here. Apparently, Aqua had come along with one of her selfish requests, and Chris hadn’t been able to say no…
Then along came Cecily—the one who had previously been fighting with the police—completely ignoring the shocked Chris.
“Lady Aqua, what should we do…? Now that that one die-hard has given up, all the rest of the customers are following him… Perhaps it’s time to resurrect my gelatinous-slime stall?”
“You’re right… That might be our only choice.”
“Hey, you two, quit trying to sell weird crap. I’ll share a nice little piece of info with you!”
7
Bah, how did this happen?
I hadn’t had any intention of doing any real work, but at this rate, the Axis people weren’t going to be any match for the Eris followers. I’d wanted them to liven things up—but they were just going to ruin everything and get kicked out.
The Eris Church, on the other hand, seemed pretty pleased with itself, able to set up its stalls while spending no more than the price of materials.
There were choral groups singing songs of praise to Eris and people giving toasts and offering thanks to the goddess.
It didn’t seem very, well, new. If anything, it felt like an old, established festival, and to look at the Eris followers, smiling and drinking wine in honor of their deity, it started to seem perfectly natural to have an Eris Appreciation Festival…
“—Come on, Kazuma. What am I supposed to do?”
“This is when you pull out those party tricks of yours—for once, your powers can come in handy. Once you’ve attracted enough customers, then come help with the cooking. Cecily can entertain the guests. Chris, maybe you could help us cook.”
“Oh-ho, so I’ll be drawing in customers,” Aqua said. “You can trust me on that.”
“I just need to rely on my looks and give those men the hard sell, is that it?” Cecily said. “Leave it to me.”
“Oh, come on, do I still have to help?!”
After I had given instructions, I set about cooking. The smell of sauce drifted through the merchant quarter. People must have been drawn to it, because eventually…
“All right, next, please! Large green seaweed with plenty of mayonnaise! Hey, Aqua, chop some more cabbage for me! And, Chris, get on that pork!”
“Hey, Kazuma, why can’t I work the pork?! This cabbage is too lively to handle!”
“I’m not exactly a cabbage expert myself! Come on, Lowly Assistant—I can do the grilling, so you handle the cabbage!”
Aqua was involved in a life-or-death struggle with the vegetables while, despite her complaining, Chris was chopping the pork skillfully.
“No choice, I guess,” Aqua said. “Watch closely, Chris, and see how I wield this butcher’s knife! …Mm, summer cabbage is so crispy. It’s my favorite.”
“Munch… Hmm, I think I like spring cabbage better. Winter cabbage is too violent for my tastes, and fall cabbage has too much of a tendency to fly away…”
“We’re drowning in customers, and you guys are eating our supply?! Here you go. Thank you for waiting. One extra-large pork bits with noodles al dente!”
Once I started cooking, the stall grew more popular before my eyes.
The menu was that quintessential and beloved Japanese festival food: yakisoba, or fried noodles.
Thanks to the Japanese people who had come to this world, various earthly foods had made their way here, too. But although a lot of famous dishes like miso soup, fried chicken, and hamburgers were available, there were some that still hadn’t been accounted for.
“This yakisoba is delicious!” one of the customers declared. “The sauce—mm!”
“I couldn’t agree more—just smelling it makes me hungry!”
“Hey, man, hit me with an extra-large cabbage with al dente noodles and plenty of mayo!”
“Thank you very much; your order will be right up! Hey, Cecily, give me an order slip for that… Don’t you eat the cabbage, too!”
Yakisoba sauce was apparently something new to the people of this world, and everyone seemed to be enjoying it. Maybe even the Japanese visitors who knew how to cook hadn’t had any sauce recipes.
You didn’t see a lot of specialty cuisine around here—things like curry or okonomiyaki sauce, stuff where you had to mix a bunch of spices together.
So why was I able to make yakisoba sauce? Well…
“A food stall staffed by someone with the Cooking skill! This is one serious festival! Will the Axis Church be participating again next year, by any chance?”
“Isn’t the chef Kazuma Satou? He’s a pretty well-known adventurer. Guess he can cook, too.”
That’s right; I owed it to the skill I had picked up earlier.
I had taken the Cooking skill in hopes of raising my overall standard of daily living, but I had never expected it to come in handy at a time like this.
It wasn’t a skill that most of the Japanese imports here took.
Or rather, it was one they couldn’t take.
Because a bunch of OP cheaters would never deliberately stay as Adventurers, the weakest class.
The Eris Church seemed to value tradition in their festival, so I decided to go up against it with something more contemporary. The novelty, or maybe just the sheer unusualness of it, seemed remarkably well received, not to mention the fact that Cecily was casually wrapping the orders in application forms for the Axis Church.
Aqua’s eyes sparkled as she took it all in.
“You hear that, Kazuma? They’re praising Axis followers! This is all so fresh and new to me!”
“Who wants gelatinous slime on the side? Sweet, jiggly gelatinous slime!”
“Stoppit—that stuff’s illegal! No weird toppings! Fa-ha-ha, how about that, Aqua? A human doing a little honest work is making all the money! No rip-offs needed—honesty is the best policy! …Heck, with how popular this place is, maybe I should open a real restaurant! I know I already have so much money I never need to work again, but I just can’t stop smiling!”
“Say, Lowly Assistant… It sort of seems like people are shifting away from the Eris booths and coming over here. I’m starting to question what I’m doing here…”
That night…
All of the Axis stalls got written up, with one exception: a modest yakisoba shop.
8
“—All right, so here are the sales for today.”
““““Whaaaaaa—?!””””
The staff of the downtown council had gathered in the council chamber. When the sales for the first day of the festival were reported, all of us, including me, let out a shout.
“That’s nearly twice an average year—this festival is a huge success!”
“Our dear adviser was exactly right—getting the Axis and Eris Churches to go at it paid off big-time! Not that the Axis Church seems to have made a lot of money, but they sure provoked the Eris Church to take it up a notch.”
“Gosh, it might have been nice if the Axis followers had worked a little harder, but this is still a strong result. There is one bright spot on the Axis side, though—this place calling itself Yakisobaya did really well. I hear it only just started this evening, but it’s going to open earlier tomorrow. That means we can expect even better sales from it.”
There might have been a lot of fighting in the run-up to the festival, but with results like this, everyone was all smiles as they looked at me. Apparently, because the merchants were handling this festival in lieu of the governor, a portion of any taxes raised during the festival would be paid out to them as a reward. And of course I, as adviser, was entitled to my share.
Frankly, to those of us on the committee, it didn’t matter which of the churches “won” the festival, as long as we made money.
“About the fried-noodle place,” I said. “Honestly, most of the Axis places were kind of worthless, so I re-created a dish from my country and sold that. You can count on me, as your adviser, for tomorrow, too. As a matter of fact, I have a special plan.”
““““Oh-ho!””””
The collective gaze turned to one of admiration.
“That’s our Mr. Satou. I’ve heard you were connected to the recent success of Wiz’s Magical Item Shoppe, and now I’m sure the rumor was true!”
“Ah, I can only tip my cap to such great success in such a short time!”
“I hope we can expect more of the same tomorrow!”
Heh, all this praise is kind of embarrassing me. I just wanted to re-create a Japanese-style festival.
“Well, just you watch. As your adviser, tomorrow, I’m going to get really serious.”
““““Ooooh!””””
And so the first day of the festival came to an end.
9
“…Hey, Kazuma. Are you perchance thinking of going to help the Axis Church?”
It was day two of the Eris and Aqua Appreciation Festival. It was still dark out, but people were already starting to gather in the downtown area.
As I prepared to leave the mansion, Darkness spoke to me in a leaden tone, with noticeable bags under her eyes.
“Yeah, that’s the plan… What’s with you? You look awful.”
Darkness twisted around sleepily on the sofa. “I’m not surprised. I never dreamed being the governor would be so much work… This is suffering unlike anything I experienced before the festival. Did you know some moron released young Giant Toads into the lake that the Kowloon Hydra used to live in? I don’t know what they were thinking… And then there were complaints of swindling at some freak show, and a haunted house where Axis followers dressed up as zombies and molested visitors…”
Crap. I recognized some of those problems.
“Then there were the reports of Axis disciples pushing over the shop stalls of Eris followers, demanding money from them to operate, a request for male staffers in swimsuits, and one place tricking kids into buying colored lizards…!”
I decided to make Darkness a cup of tea.
She took the cup and sipped at it listlessly, then let out a weak sigh.
“Thanks… I feel like I’ve aged a lot in the last few days…”
“That’s rough… But just think: This is exactly how I feel every time I have to deal with the problems you guys cause. I mean, granted, I have a sneaking suspicion I was somehow involved with most of the trouble you had yesterday, but I think you’ll find today is a lot easier. Hang in there a little longer.”
Darkness must really have been feeling beat down, because her eyes started to brim at my show of comfort.
“Th-thank you so much…! At least you understand me…! On reflection, I see now how much trouble I’ve always caused you… Wait a second, what was that last thing you—?”
But I didn’t have time to listen to the rest of whatever Darkness was saying; I had an Axis Church to energize.
When I arrived at the Axis Church area, I found a huge crowd but for totally different reasons than yesterday.
“Welcome, one and all! Get your yakisoba right here—festival food from a faraway land!”
“Wild octopus, caught in the forest and grilled for you! Thick-chopped and crunchy!”
“Shaved ice here! Delicious shaved ice!! We have strawberry, lemon, pineapple, red bean, and gelatinous-slime flavors!”
Okay, so there were some subtle differences, but what I saw before me looked almost exactly like a festival in Japan.
Aqua was quick to find me and rushed over clutching an ice bucket. “Oh, Kazuma, you’re late! Just look at this crowd! The ice you made in the afternoon is all gone! I’ll produce some water, so hurry up and freeze it!”
The various stalls looked just like what you would find in Japan—all right, maybe not just like them, but if they were a little weird in some ways, they were also definitely popular.
Excellent! I smell big sales today.
And that meant more money for me, the adviser.
“Looks like you’re in high spirits today. If you acted like this all the time, you’d have way more followers. Isn’t it nice to make people happy?” I grinned at Aqua as I used Freeze to produce ice.
Aqua, for her part, was smiling in a way I rarely saw from her. “Yes, and it’s all thanks to you, Kazuma. Look how my dear Axis followers are smiling.” She spoke with an earnestness I hadn’t expected. “Kazuma, Kazuma! I’m so glad we were able to have this festival. Thank you for helping the Axis Church.”
Then she gave me an innocent smile.
…Man. Did she go crazy from the excitement or something?
I thought about the cicada hunt, how she had learned that getting carried away only led to tears. There was something weird about Aqua recently.
Was it Emperor Zel?
Had having a child forced her to grow up?
Doubtful. She liked to go around calling that thing her kid, but all she had done was incubate an egg.
Still, as someone who stood to benefit financially from the success of this festival, I felt kind of conflicted to receive such sincere gratitude.
Changing the subject, I said, “S-say, you guys must be making out like bandits from all this popularity, huh? This would be a great opportunity to use the profits to build a cozy little Axis Church building, don’t you think?”
“Honestly, we’re not making all that much money. Remember what you said yesterday, Kazuma. ‘A human doing a little honest work is making all the money! No rip-offs needed—honesty is the best policy!’ We decided to take that to heart, and our business model today is to sell a lot of stuff at small profits. And the festival committee asked us to contribute some money this year, since we’re participating and all—so when all’s said and done, we’re actually still in the red.”
Honest to God, what has happened to this woman? When did she get so intelligent?
So it turned out the Axis Church still wasn’t making a profit.
It was then that I remembered it had been my idea to have both churches contribute money to the festival.
“…Er, yeah. But y’know. Keep selling, and you’ll be in the black in no time! I mean, look how popular you are! Actually, I’m surprised a church as poor as yours was able to come up with the money to participate in this festival in the first place!”
“I paid for that out of pocket. Don’t you remember the bounty we got for beating the hydra? Between that and what was in my piggy bank, I made it work somehow. I wanted to build Emperor Zel a gorgeous dragonhouse, but I guess that can wait.”
“……Oh—oh really?”
“What’s wrong? If you’re not feeling well, I can cast Heal on you. You’ve been working so hard lately, Kazuma, my friend. Here, just hold still. I’ll whip up an especially powerful one just for you.”
Then she smiled and Healed me with all her strength.
I was back in the council chamber, the second day of the festival safely concluded.
Talking to Aqua had opened my eyes.
She just genuinely wanted to enjoy the celebration. Compared with that, what did I want? To put salesgirls in swimsuits to indulge my own lust, to pit two churches against each other to make myself a little cash?
…I made up my mind.
I would tell Aqua everything that had gone on and apologize to everyone, quit my job as adviser, and enjoy the festival myself, starting tomorrow.
Yeah, tomorrow was the third day of the festival, when the fireworks display was planned. I would check it out with Megumin, lend an ear to the gripes of the long-suffering Darkness, and have a drink of wine with Aqua.
That was what was going through my mind as I opened the door, ready to announce my resignation…
“Ah, we’ve been waiting for you, esteemed adviser!”
“Take the seat of honor, sir!”
I entered the room and froze. The grinning committee members urged me to sit at the head of the table, but that wasn’t what got my attention. My gaze was fixed on the other people in the room.
“Good evening, honored regular! The council members have just been telling us how hard you’ve been working.”
“Thank you for your patronage, honored customer! We heard it was you who got the okay for people to dress up as succubi during this festival!”
Yep: It was two of the succubi who ran my favorite shop.
The president came up behind me where I stood frozen and gave me an encouraging squeeze of the shoulder as he sat me in a chair.
What was going on here? What was this? This was dangerous. It was very dangerous.
Specifically, what was dangerous was that the succubi weren’t dressed the way they normally were.
This had to be their real appearances: one older succubus and one loli succubus, both dressed in sexy black bodysuits and wearing alluring smiles.
I still couldn’t tear my eyes away from them as the president whispered to me. “I see you’ve met them before. These people run a small café here in town. As merchants in the downtown district, they supplied some of the salesgirls in swimsuits for the festival, and it seems they want to thank our adviser personally for getting them permission to dress that way…”
Uh… That would actually be kind of a problem.
After all, I’d just come in to say I was quitting as adviser.
I’d seen how hard Aqua was working. I had to be decisive.
If I entertained this meeting, I would just get carried away again. Be strong, Kazuma Satou! Are you so easily swayed?!
Even when you’re being thanked by sexy succubi?
“A festival calls for a drink, so let the two of us serve you. Heh-heh! You won’t be going home tonight. You’re one of our best customers, and we want to take good care of you!”
I grabbed a cup sitting nearby and let the older succubus, who had worked her way over to me, pour me a drink.
Then the president raised his glass.
“To the health of our honored adviser and to our continued sales! Let’s have a toast from our adviser as well!”
I stood up, sandwiched between the two succubi, and proclaimed, “May we all have great happiness and even greater profits! Cheers!”
““““Cheers!””””
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