Epilogue 1 — May There Be Thanks and Blessings for This Goddess!
The sun had well and truly set when I arrived at a party venue in the downtown district.
“You’re late, Kazuma; we’ve all gotten started already! Come on over here!”
I guess it wasn’t quite what you’d call an after-party. More of a shindig to close out the event on the last night of the festival.
The party venue they had rented out was now filled with people who had been a part of the recently concluded festival. That meant everyone from councillors and staff to members of the Eris and Axis Churches.
I found a seat next to Aqua. “Hey, isn’t having you and them in the same room like having a goddess and a devil in a cage together?”
Aqua grimaced at my simile. “Listen, Kingpin NEET, I think it’s going overboard to compare the children of the Eris Church to devils. And we’re celebrating the end of the festival here, aren’t we? My children always make it a point not to fight at a party.”
Actually, I had been thinking of the Axis Church people as the devils, but whatever.
Plus, just like Aqua said, the Axis followers in the room weren’t harassing the Eris people—in fact, they were pouring drinks and generally having a good time.
“Is there any chance you guys would always be this nice if we just let you party all the time?”
“I can’t shake the sense that you’re making fun of me, but you’re not wrong. By the way, for your reference, the same is true of me. If you want me to behave, just bring me expensive wine every day.”
“So you finally admit you’re the cause of half my problems around here.”
I recognized various people around the party hall. There was the priestess Cecily, rubbing her drunken-red cheek up against a girl from the Eris Church; there was Wiz drinking and eating with Vanir (why? Had he been part of the staff downtown?), who had brought Yunyun along.
And…
“Come on, Darkness—drink up! You too, Megumin!”
“Why do you always get so excitable when there’s wine involved? D-don’t try to get Megumin to drink! Here, I’ll take her share!”
“Darkness, I am no longer a child, so please let me enjoy this moment with a little alcohol! I’m even old enough to get married! Oh, Kazuma, you’re late. You tell her, Kazuma! I’m just two years younger than you, so we’re practically the same age!”
And there was Chris, her face red, sitting with Darkness and Megumin.
Did all goddesses love parties?
“It’s way too soon for you to start drinking,” I said. “And the difference in our ages is back to three years, because guess what? Today is my birthday!”
That’s right: Today marked one year since I had come to this world.
I knew it was kind of sad to announce your own birthday, but frankly, I wanted everyone to celebrate me.
I turned to Aqua expectantly.
“Hmm. Congrats, I guess? So, Kazuma, where’s my present?”
Ah, sweet words of celebration…
“…Your present? What are you talking about? Why would I give you a present?”
“Oh, that’s right, Kazuma. I forgot you’re a big dummy who doesn’t know anything about this country’s customs. Well, let me enlighten you. Around here, on their birthday, a person is so grateful to everyone around them for helping them survive another year that they give presents to all their friends.”
No way. Stupid, rotten country.
Then again, in a world full of monsters out to shorten the average life span, I guess it made a certain kind of sense…
“There is no such custom,” Megumin broke in. “Happy birthday, Kazuma. When we get home, I’ll give you something wonderful.”
No sooner had Megumin spoken than I tore into Aqua. “Why, you, telling believable lies, you’re just an old hag of indeterminate age whose birthday we don’t even know! How about you tell me your birthday and how old you are!”
“Waaaaahhh! Kazuma said the unforgivable—again! I really will punish you this time!”
As Aqua and I chewed each other out, Darkness, who was using a handkerchief to hold her glass, said, “Kazuma, happy birthday. I’ll also give you some kind of present when we get home. I’m sorry—if I’d known, I could have had something for you already.”
“Awesome, thanks. You’re right; maybe I should’ve said something earlier. Megumin had her birthday without me even knowing it, and I’d like to celebrate the next one properly. For that matter, Darkness, when’s your birthday? I know you’re a noble, even if you’re not much of one—I’ll bet you throw a wicked party.”
Darkness suddenly started acting a little funny. “Uh… M-my birthday? …Well, that’s, it’s, uh…”
As Darkness sat there with her eyes brimming, Chris said nonchalantly, “Darkness’s birthday is way over, I think. Didn’t you have some huge party back around spring? Say, Lowly Assistant, why didn’t you and your friends come?”
Darkness twitched, and everything fell into place for me.
“You deliberately didn’t invite us to your party because you were afraid we would cause trouble! You thought we would do something to the other nobles!”
“Is that true?!” Aqua exclaimed. “That’s terrible! Come to think of it, Darkness, you wanted us to leave before that Iris girl could give us our awards, too!”
“Let’s give her what’s coming to her!” Megumin said. “Let this misunderstanding young noble receive her comeuppance!”
Darkness was practically in tears under this concerted assault. Chris was watching the whole thing with a bit of a smirk; then she tugged on my sleeve as if to suggest we take a walk.
“That sure got out of control fast… Ugh, I heard from Darkness, okay? She said you were the ringleader in all this.”
The words came suddenly, and a little bit sullenly, from Chris as we were walking around outside the party venue, me enjoying the cool night breeze against my wine-warmed face.
This was after I’d had Eris herself appear in her own beauty pageant.
I guess having a goddess show up was a pretty big deal, and people had used magic and messenger birds and post horses, every method available, to let the surrounding towns and even the capital know what had happened.
According to the council members, it was likely that from now on, Axel, the town where the goddess appeared, would be treated as a holy place by the Eris Church.
“Y-yeah, I’m really sorry about that. I’ll keep helping you with your Sacred Treasure search, so please forgive me… But the councillors told me something. They said that after this, the Eris Appreciation Festival has to go on, no matter what.”
Chris looked pleased about that. “Oh yeah…? Then between that and the way you and Aigis rescued me on that stage, I guess I can forgive you!”
“Oh, thank you, Goddess!”
As we bantered back and forth, we wandered through a town still enjoying the last embers of excitement from the festival.
I gathered that after Aigis safely escaped the beauty contest, he had started to listen to Chris. They would soon be trying to find him a master, someone to whom they could give him as a trump card against the Demon King’s army. Aigis hoped for a Sword Master, and Chris hoped to grant his wish as best she could.
And so it seemed like both our latest Sacred Treasure search and the little Eris-versus-Axis showdown had turned out okay.
When I reviewed everything in my mind, though, I couldn’t help being struck by how much influence a real goddess could have. I mean, we were just walking around, and…
“Sigh… I wonder if she could still be somewhere in town—Lady Eris. I’ve adored her ever since I first saw her picture…”
“Even if she were still here, she would never show herself to a blackhearted sinner like you. She would pick a devout, pure follower like me.”
“Oh, you’re not so great. You used a teleport service to get here as fast as you could after you stole your girlfriend’s dowry.”
“Jerk, I came to get Lady Eris’s blessing on my marriage—my girl even said it was okay, you hear me?”
Just a couple of guys talking on the street, and they were talking about Eris.
As we passed by, I said, “…You heard ’em, Lady Eris. It’s probably fine if you don’t bless them, right?”
“I’m not Lady Eris; I’m Lady Chris, Lowly Assistant. All I could do right now is swipe some treasure from your house to pay back the dowry that guy took.”
Then both of us broke into laughter.
Maybe it was the stopping and laughing that caused the people behind Chris to suddenly run into her.
The culprits were a pair of small sisters, each carrying a lovely flower.
“S-sorry!” one of them said.
“We’re very sorry!” added the other quickly.
Chris replied, “I’m the one who should apologize, just stopping suddenly like that! Are you both okay? You didn’t fall down, did you?” She bowed her head again.
The flower belonging to the girl who looked like the younger sister had fallen to the ground. Chris hurriedly picked it up.
“Gee, I’m sorry! I made you drop your chris!” Then she picked up the purple flower and handed it to the girl.
“Chris?” I whispered, eyeing the bloom. “…Is that the name of that flower?”
“Sure it is. This kind of flower is called a chris. In the language of flowers, it represents the resolve to never give up.”
The girl who appeared to be the older of the two made a sound of admiration. “Wow. Hey, why do you have a scar on your cheek? Does that mean you’re an adventurer? My daddy said adventurers are all ruffians, but then how do you know about flowers?”
Out of the mouths of babes: Chris was at a loss. She scratched her scar shyly. “Um… This scar, I got it while fighting the bad guys, the Demon King’s army. And yes, I’m an adventurer, but there are some of us who are decent people. Like this guy here.” She looked at me and giggled. “And that flower’s the only one I know anything about. See how it’s the same color as my eyes? I adore the chris flower.”
She leaned over and looked at the girls, then brought the flower up to her face to smell the aroma.
“Wow, that’s neat. We’re gonna offer these flowers to Lady Eris. Big Sis and I used our allowance to buy them.”
“Yeah, they say Lady Eris likes this flower, too!”
“Huh! I’m impressed with you, knowing what Lady Eris likes! But I think if Lady Eris knew that little girls like you were using their precious allowance to bring her an offering—well, she’d certainly be happy, but she’d be a little concerned, too. So I think she’d be perfectly pleased if this was the only offering you two brought her.”
“Really…? But we wanted to thank Lady Eris.”
“Thank her…?” Chris looked puzzled.
“Yeah, that’s right. Our mommy said that the reason everyone can live in peace here is because Lady Eris bestows powers on people to resist the evil Demon King.”
“And she said Lady Eris works hard, but nobody knows about it. So we wanted to say thanks to her and try to encourage her.”
Hearing that, Chris said, “I-is that right…? Well, from now on, I think Lady Eris would be very happy just to know how you feel, even without any offerings. I’m sure she would thank you for encouraging her.” She still seemed like she wasn’t completely sure what to say. But she scratched her cheek again with an expression that was both embarrassed and deeply relieved.
The younger girl looked at her and said, “…Come to think of it, your hair and eyes are the same color as Lady Eris’s, aren’t they?”
Kids could be surprisingly perceptive.
Chris was looking a little panicked, but meanwhile, the older girl was also looking studiously at her hair.
…But it wasn’t like they’d really caught on to her true identity, right? It was just one of those silly things kids said.
Whatever the girl may have thought, she suddenly held out the flower she was holding. “We have my little sister’s flower to offer still, so I want to give this to you. Thank you, adventurer, for always keeping us safe from monsters!”
“Thank you!” her sister added, both of them smiling widely.
“Ah-ha-ha, w-well, this is unexpected. Th-thank you; thank you both…!”
Receiving this surprise present from the little girls had made Chris beet red; she struggled to return their smiles as tears welled up at the edges of her eyes.
The girls smiled even wider and ran off. “See you later, Mr. Adventurer!”
“Bye-bye!”
“Huh?! Hey, hold on! I’m not a ‘mister.’ I’m a ‘miss’!”
This second, less pleasant surprise brought fresh tears to Chris’s eyes, although for a different reason.
“So tell me. The name Chris…”
Chris brought the flower to her nose, closing her eyes and enjoying the scent.
“That’s right. I got it from this flower.”
Then, looking happy, she watched the two girls go.
“You’re sure you didn’t just change one sound from Eris to Chris.”
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Chris glared at me, the flower still pressed to her nose.
“I’m looking at you like…like someone who does everything she can on her own without anybody knowing. The one person I can really respect.”
“…Er, oh. Well, uh, I guess that’s okay, then.” Chris looked away from me quickly, then picked up her pace as if ready to hurry on home.
“Ohhh, are you embarrassed? You’re embarrassed, aren’t you, Chief?”
“Who’s embarrassed? Hush up, Lowly Assistant, and give me a moment to hear myself think.”
“When you turn your head away like that, I can see that your ears are bright red. You really are adorable, Lady Eris—will you marry me?”
“You are very loud and very annoying, Mr. Kazuma. If you keep teasing the goddess, you’re going to bring down divine punishment on yourself. And please don’t say such things so nonchalantly—I’ll tell Megumin and Darkness that you proposed to me.”
Chris still wouldn’t look at me, and she was still red up to her ears.
“Say, Lowly Assistant.”
“Yeah?”
Chris was walking along with her flower, holding it as if it were a precious treasure.
“…Thanks. For a lot of things.”
She was a goddess whose hard work had just been rewarded by two of her smallest believers, and although she spoke quietly, her words were full of emotion.
I went after my friend—my friend whom I couldn’t quite resent, who was worth teasing every now and again.
And I was just a little bit sorry that this troublesome, obnoxious festival was over…
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