1 Before The Battle
Off in the distance is a huge expanse of trees.
The Great Garam Forest.
As the name implies, it’s a ridiculously large forest.
Even from this far away, it stretches in either direction as far as the eye can see.
We members of the demon army, disguised as the imperial army, are currently marching toward that forest.
Or more specifically, toward the elf village at its heart.
It’s time to settle the score with Potimas, our longtime enemy.
Natsume and the imperial army have already arrived at its border, where they’re cutting a path for the rest of us.
Thanks to an, um, expansion pack that I generously added to his brain, Natsume now does whatever I say.
And with his handy-dandy Seven Deadly Sins skill “Lust,” he’s brainwashed the top brass of the empire into doing whatever he says.
So he’s been able to bring the imperial army all this way, and we in the demon army are basically going along for the ride, disguised as part of the imperial army.
Demons don’t really look any different from humans, after all.
Since we’re all decked out in imperial army duds and boldly marching in broad daylight, it’s been surprisingly easy to get away without being found out.
Besides, we already got our story straight with the people who would normally be the biggest pain if they did find out: the Word of God religion, which has encompassed most of humanity.
They also happen to see the elves as a mortal enemy who must be destroyed at all costs, after all. Nothing would make them happier than the demons and elves fighting it out.
I’m sure they’re not thrilled that we’re borrowing the imperial army, humanity’s main defense force, in the process, but they obviously decided that it was worth the possible sacrifice if it meant crushing the elves, or more specifically their leader Potimas.
So we don’t need to worry about the Word of God turning against us in this battle.
We’re not perfect allies now or anything, but it’s a temporary truce, and an equally temporary alliance.
The enemy of my enemy…you know the rest.
Which means we can focus all our energy on destroying Potimas without worrying about anyone else.
It’s finally time to settle things once and for all.
…And yet.
Even with this crucial showdown looming before us, the mood is weirdly relaxed.
“Ooooh~”
“Right here? Is this the spot?”
In our horse-drawn, or rather spider-drawn carriage, my voice cries out as the Demon Lord mercilessly attacks my weak spots, sounding like she relishes it immensely.
Just to make things clear in advance, we’re not doing anything dirty!
It’s just a massage!
And I don’t mean that kind of massage, I mean a literal, health-related, perfectly normal massage!
It’s not dirty in any way!
IT’S NOT DIRTY IN ANY WAY!
I’m saying that twice to stress how serious I am!
Look, I’ve been putting in serious overtime setting the stage for this showdown for ages now, really busting my butt.
So as a show of gratitude, or something, the Demon Lord is personally giving me a massage.
And I gotta tell you, it feels great.
“Ahaaa~”
As the Demon Lord’s hands skillfully find the spots that feel best, I can’t help but let out a few noises, okay?
You’d never guess it, but the Demon Lord is actually super multitalented.
She’s a great cook, too.
Since she’s lived such a long time, she’s picked up all kinds of tricks, much like you’d from a wise old granny.
“Hiyah!”
“Guh?!”
“Who’re you calling an ancient hag?!”
“I didn’t say—gwuh?!”
As if reading my mind, the Demon Lord hits me with a shiatsu attack!
I didn’t call her a hag!
I called her a granny, but that’s all!
Besides, it’s true she’s lived a long time! That’s just a fact!
“Hiyah!”
“Hoomph?!”
Her fingers apply even more pressure!
Excuse meeee? Miss Demon Lord?
You know your stats are around ninety thousand on average, right?
If you really wanted to, you could crush a person into a pulp with your fingers alone. You do realize that, don’t you?
So please don’t go poking at my pressure points with that kind of strength!
If you hit anyone else with those Fingers of the North Star, they’d probably go “HIDEBU!” and explode into a puddle of blood, manga-style!
So basically, we’re messing around in our spider-drawn carriage, but I imagine most people would question if we should really be acting like this before such a major battle.
But hey, we’ve taken care of all the setup we could manage, and since the demon army is currently on the move, there’s not much else we can do.
Sure, we could try and speed the army’s progress along, but Natsume’s imperial army is stuck up ahead because of the forest anyway.
We can’t very well march through the whole forest in such huge numbers, so they should be in the middle of clearing a nice path for us right about now.
Normally I imagine it’d be pretty tough to cut a path through this massive forest big enough for a whole army, but with the stats and skills that exist in this world, logging is a relatively simple task.
If I really wanted to, I could unleash a killer fist or two of my own, and blast the trees out of our way easily, roots and all.
Even without going that far, the imperial army is using its various strengths to cut through the forest faster than would ever have been possible on Earth.
Still, it’s obviously gonna be a lot slower than marching across level ground.
In other words, there’s no point rushing the demon army when the imperial army is still in that process anyway, because we’d just catch up to them.
Which would be a problem.
Because the majority of the imperial army doesn’t know that we’re the demon army.
Natsume’s brainwashing is really only in effect on a small amount of the top brass; most of the soldiers are just doing as they’re told.
Naturally, there’s no reason for those soldiers to know that the other unit following behind them is actually the demon army.
They just think we’re a normal part of the imperial army.
Now, given that the demon army really is wearing the imperial army uniform and everything, I don’t think anyone would figure it out from far away.
But if we actually met up with them, we wouldn’t be able to hide that something is off.
For one thing, the demon army doesn’t normally wear this uniform; we just threw them together in a hurry for this particular campaign.
Up close, I’m sure it’d be clear that our troops aren’t used to it, like when you can tell a new employee is wearing a suit for the first time.
But there’s a way more obvious discrepancy than a minor detail like that.
Demons speak their own language, after all…
As soon as they overheard a single word of that language, it’d be game over, man…
Not to mention that we’re riding in a spider-drawn carriage right now!
I’m pretty sure they don’t have those in the empire!
What kind of a carriage uses arch taratects instead of horses…?
Using something this ridiculous looking is definitely gonna give away that we’re not a normal army.
So yeah, we have to make sure we don’t catch up to the imperial army.
Which is why we’re taking our time with the march.
Besides, it’s safe to assume that the battle we’re heading into is going to be a tough one. It’s not a bad idea to relax while we can instead of wearing ourselves out for no good reason.
What would be the point of showing up physically exhausted and mentally drained?
That’s why the Demon Lord and I are taking it easy and encouraging the demon army to do the same by slowing their pace: to conserve energy.
So what about the imperial army up ahead, you ask? Well, they’re basically sacrificial pawns, sooo…
All we really need them to do is thin the elves’ numbers and disturb their ranks a little bit.
There’s no way an army of ordinary humans can contend with the elves’ real strength, anyway.
As long as the imperial army can thin out the surface part of their forces, then they’ve done their duties well enough.
If they can draw out the elves’ real strength, namely the mechanical weaponry Potimas is hiding, that would be even better.
And sadly, if they accomplish that, the imperial army’s gonna get decimated…
To be totally honest, I think most of their soldiers are gonna die.
If they’re already doomed, what’s the point in worrying about their exhaustion and all that, y’know?
Nope, we just need them to part the waters for us, so to speak.
Or the trees, in this case.
“Mm…”
At that moment, the Demon Lord’s hands stop their massaging.
“…Again?”
“…Mm-hmm. So it would seem…”
The Demon Lord pulls away from me and takes her seat, looking somewhat annoyed.
Then she starts talking to herself.
“Hello? Ah, okay… Mm-hmm…”
To an outside observer, it might look like she’s lost her mind, but she is actually conversing with someone.
It’s not like she’s receiving some weird signal that only she can hear.
…Although I guess it might be, in a way.
But, well, you know…
The Telepathy skill lets you have a sort of phone-like conversation with someone far away, but in this case…she’s talking to Vampy.
At the moment, Vampy is traveling with the imperial army, and apparently she’s reeeally bored since they’re stuck cutting through the forest.
And since she’s bored, she’s started sending us Telepathy calls at incredibly frequent intervals.
Not only to the Demon Lord, but to Mera and Mr. Oni and so on just as frequently.
If you calculate based on how often she’s been talking to the Demon Lord, doesn’t that mean she’s been talking to someone with Telepathy at every waking moment?
How needy can you get?!
Sure, Vampy probably doesn’t know anyone in the imperial army, and she’s not exactly the type to try and make friends on her own. So I’m sure she’s bored with no one to talk to, but still…
Phelmina’s with her, but those two get along like cats and dogs.
…Hmm?
Wait a second.
Wasn’t there one more person traveling with Vampy?
That guy who fell madly in love with her at the demon academy, chased out and screwed over his own fiancée Phelmina to make himself a bachelor, and on top of that begged and pleaded with Vampy until she finally made him a vampire, and thus her underling?
His name’s Wald, but hoo boy.
According to my calculations, Vampy is spending most of her time using Telepathy to bother the rest of us, which means that she’s refusing to converse with Wald, who’s presumably right next to her…
That’s rough, buddy.
He threw away all kinds of things to become a vampire out of his love for Vampy, and this is how she treats him…
Then again, since Phelmina is one of the things he threw away, maybe this is just karma?
Hrmmm…
His attachment, or rather obsession, is certainly a bit stalker-y, and someone who’s secretly super antisocial like Vampy wouldn’t know how to handle someone coming on so strong.
Even though she comes on super strong to the people she likes…
Luckily for me, I’ve lost all my skills, so she can’t contact me with Telepathy.
The Demon Lord, Mera, and Mr. Oni are just gonna have to deal with Vampy’s boredom on their own.
They’re all really nice deep down, or they wouldn’t answer her in the first place.
…Although maybe they’re just using that as a distraction, too.
After all, we’re about to face Potimas himself.
To be totally honest, there’s no way of knowing if all of us will survive.
I definitely don’t think we’re gonna lose, that’s for sure.
I’ve made an almost unnecessary level of preparations to ensure our victory.
But there’s no such thing as an absolute guarantee.
Just like I’ve been preparing for all I’m worth, I’m sure Potimas has been doing the very same.
In fact, he’s been doing that for ages and aaaages, since long before we reincarnations were born into this world.
I still don’t know all of Potimas’s secrets.
So there’s no telling what might happen.
Just to be extra clear, I seriously don’t think we’re gonna lose.
But I can’t say for sure that there won’t be any losses.
In the worst-case scenario, I might be the only survivor.
That’s how intense this fight is probably gonna get.
Maybe Vampy has picked up on that, too…
“Demon Lord.”
“Hmm?”
“Give Vampy a message for me.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t worry, we’re gonna win.”
The Demon Lord blinks back at me for a moment, but then she grins and starts talking again.
“Message for ya from White. ‘Don’t worry, we’re gonna win,’ she says. Aww, isn’t it nice of her to try to comfort you in your time of need, widdle Sophia?”
Excuse me.
Did I ask you to say that last part?
Judging by the smirk on her face, this is obviously a premeditated crime, that jerk.
“Oof.” The Demon Lord winces and tilts her head. “…She yelled at me and hung up.”
I can absolutely picture Vampy spewing a rapid-fire volley of insults and hanging up in a huff.
She’s so easy to read, that one.
In spite of her high stats, Vampy is pretty simple-minded deep down.
No idea how she turned out like this…
I’d like to have a word with whoever raised her.
“Aww, she’s sooo cute.”
The Demon Lord barely stifles a laugh.
…Come to think of it, she was basically Vampy’s substitute parent in her infancy, huh?
That totally explains how she ended up such a weirdo.
“Hiyah!”
OWWWW?!
The Demon Lord flicked my forehead!
Again, if you did that to anyone but me, their head would fly right off!
“You were thinking something insulting again, weren’t you?”
Grrr!
I can’t even claim that’s a false accusation because she’s right!
“Y’know, White, at a glance you seem hard to read, but it’s actually very easy.”
The Demon Lord gives an exaggerated sigh.
…It’s not like I try to be particularly hard to read, but it’s still kinda surprising to hear that.
“What are our chances of winning this next battle?”
Her expression turns serious as she asks this.
I guess that means we’re done joking around.
So I give her my honest assessment.
“One hundred percent.”
“…Then what are the chances that we survive?”
“……”
By “we,” I assume she means herself, Vampy, Mr. Oni, Mera, and the puppet spider sisters.
The rest of the masses probably don’t count in this case.
“Since you didn’t answer right away, that must mean the chances aren’t 100 percent. See? Easy to read.”
I don’t know how to respond to that.
“You really are too soft on the people you care about, White.”
The Demon Lord smirks.
But her expression quickly turns serious again.
“But you’ll have to drop that softness for this battle in particular.”
“……”
“This is war. There will be casualties on both sides. And we’re betting our own lives on this, too. If we die in the process, that just means we weren’t strong enough.”
“What, so you don’t need my help?”
“I didn’t say that. But you shouldn’t go overboard trying to help us. Just focus on making sure we win.”
…It’s not like I don’t understand what she’s trying to say.
But even so…
“If I can help you, I will.”
“…Then I’d better make sure I don’t cause you any such trouble.”
I don’t think I can bring myself to abandon the Demon Lord and the others.
I know she thinks I’m being soft, but if anything, this is for my own sake.
I don’t want to be left with regrets or anything like that.
So I amend my statement:
“Our chances of winning with everyone surviving are 100 percent.”
I won’t accept any other kind of victory.
Let’s do this.
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