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| KKM Novel 7, Chapter 5
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| <-- Previous Chapter Can Greta be any more adorable? Seriously. So anyway, I decided to just keep Shinzoku as Shinzoku and define the term in the text because any name I came up with sounded weird ^-^;; There was another name in this chapter different from the Chinese > English version: Donierson > East Nilzon Oh, and once again I got the picture for this chapter from Portrait of a Demon King. Chapter 5 Poison Lady Anissina and the ‘Corsit’ of Instinct (1) At night she may be Poison Lady Anissina who wanders about graveyards, but during the day she is in Working Woman ‘Moad.’ Poison Lady Anissina is amazing when she ‘chainges’ into this ‘moad.’ She does math at the speed of sound and speaks at the speed of light. No one can hear what she says. She is undefeated! Watch out! The greasy fingers of her male boss are on Poison Lady Anissina’s back! This is ‘sekshual harasmint’! Gyaaaaa! It was the echoing scream of the male boss. The sharp, bared teeth of the ‘corsit’ swooped down upon the man’s fingers. Closing the book she was reading, Greta lifts her chin. “Hey Anissina, what’s a ‘corsit’?” “It is part of a woman’s underwear. However, in our kingdom it is not used as underwear but as support for the lower back and spine. And also, Greta, is it not ‘Instinct’ but ‘Desires.’ Poison Lady Anissina and the Corset of Desires.” (2) “Hm, then what’s ‘sekshual harasmint’?” “It is when someone bothers you based on your sex. It is subtly different from Haley Joel Osment.” (3) “Who’s that!? A guy!?” Finding an opportunity to use the comeback she had learned, the child swung her feet delightedly. “He seems to be an actor that His Majesty likes. In any case,” whipping around her flaming red hair tied high up on her head, Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff places both of her hands on the desk. Her light blue eyes were shining with well-founded confidence and brimming with the spirit of experimentation. “Now that His Majesty’s safety has been verified, you have to catch up on your studies as soon as possible. When our beloved Majesty returns, he will certainly be disappointed if you were completely off track.” (4) “I know.” After blinking her long eyelashes a few times, the little girl once again opens the thick book. It was written to be read aloud to others so the contents were amusing and drew people in. However, there were a few words that a child of about ten could not understand. “But what sort of thing is ‘sekshual harasmint’?” “What sort of thing…” Lady von Karbelnikoff was, at this very moment, in a very serious situation in regards to child rearing. The first lesson in sex education. A proper sex education for women was exceedingly important. If possible, it would be best if it was a coordinated effort between the parents and the educators at both home and school so that it can proceed at a natural pace. In this situation, Anissina was neither Greta’s parent nor teacher and she had no obligation to explain in detail. However, with the aforementioned parents (the unique couple of His Majesty and the Spoiled Prince) and the educator (who is most likely Real Günter while she is in this kingdom) in the situations they were now in, it is likely impossible for a proper sex education to be coordinated. On the contrary, it was not unthinkable that that lot would try and tell a happy fairytale about babies being carried by flying skeletons and being thrown into cabbage patches. It is impossible to grow once you have false knowledge. On this one occasion, The Red Devil will extend a helping hand. “To start off, I will explain about the stamens and pistils of rafflesia.” This is going to take a while. “I know about that already. Mr. Shiny and his wife already told me how children are born.” Poison Lady Anissina suffers a small shock. Hyscliff’s household was quite open in this way. “That’s not what I meant. I wanted to know what kind of things become that. Is it ‘harasmint’ when Yuuri gives me a biiiiig hug? It makes me happy, though.” “That is an expression of love. There is nothing wrong with that.” “Then what about when Wolf gives Yuuri a biiiig hug?” “That is also, in a way, an expression of love. There is nothing wrong with that.” “Then what about when Wolf teases Yuuri and calls him a wimp?” “As long as the part before ‘imp’ is a ‘w’ it is alright.” ‘L’ is a no-no. (5) “Okay, so then what about when you pounce on Gwen from behind and tie his arms behind his back?” “That is a capture. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.” The sound of quick footsteps and a trailing scream come echoing from the other end of the long hall. “Ahhhhhhhhh!” With his waist-length hair trailing behind him parallel to the floor, Real Lord Günter von Christ runs past them. The hems of his long pants are rolled all the way up and even his thighs are completely exposed. “His Highness! His Highness is-----!” He ran past the open door with a speed that surpassed the wind. Before that thought could even pass their minds, His Excellency Lord Gwendal von Voltaire, face red, rushed after him screaming as well. “I’M TELLING YOU NOT TO SCREAM ABOUT IT!” … Anissina turns on her magic-powered water heater. “Spring has come.” “Yeah, it’s springtime.” ------ (1) Here we go with the Harry Potter titles again! This one is a pun on Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The Japanese title is Harry Potter to Honoo no Goburetto. Anissina’s book is titled Poison LadyAnissina to Honnou no Corusetto.ALSO, this is Greta reading so some words are misspelled on purpose because Greta’s not the best reader yet. (2) Instinct is ‘Honnou’ and Desires is ‘Bonnou.’ (3) Haley Joel Osment is an actor. Most people know him as the kid in The Sixth Sense. He does the voice of Sora in Kingdom Hearts too~ Anyway, ‘sexual harassment’ in Japanese is actually a borrowed phrase from English so it is written as ‘sekushuaru harasumento.’ Normally this is shortened to ‘seku hara.’ So, the end part ‘-shuaru harasumento’ sounds a little like ‘Joel Osment’ in Japanese --> ‘joeru osumento’. (4) More puns. In Japanese conversation, it’s not uncommon to say someone’s name instead of ‘you.’ Anissina actually says ‘When our beloved Majesty returns, he will certainly be disappointed if Greta were completely off track.’ Greta in Japanese phonology becomes ‘Gureta.’ The word (+ conjugation) for ‘to go off track’ Anissina uses here is ‘gureteitara’ so it’s a small joke. Extra info: ‘Gureta’ by itself is the past form of the verb. (5) OMG I LOVE WHEN JOKES JUST WORK! So, this joke is actually almost EXACTLY THE SAME IN JAPANESE. It’s really exciting. Anyway, explanation: The word Wolfram uses for wimp all the time is ‘henachoko.’ So, the original went as such: As long as the next part after ‘henyachi’ is ‘yoko’ it is alright. ‘N’ is a no-no. ‘Henyachin’ is a Japanese word for limp penis. And, because of how the Japanese writing system works, putting a small ‘yo’ after a ‘chi’ makes it ‘cho’ so it would be Henyachoko<-->Henachoko. (Although, I will take this opportunity to tell you all that ‘henachoko’ doesn’t actually mean wimp even though that’s what the fandom has made it (which is also why I translate it as wimp). It actually means ‘novice/rookie’ so in a way Wolfram is actually calling Yuuri a n00b all the time, not a wimp.)
The largest ocean port in the mainland of Big Shimaron, East Nilzon, was decorated in cheerful colors. All of the buildings were painted a vivid white and yellow and the roof tiles and street pavement were a warm ocher. A lot of the ships returning to port were painted white as well and it was instantly apparent which ships were from other countries. Most of the people’s hair was light brown with the occasional golden brown and chestnut mixed in. Just like the emissaries sent to Caloria, the soldiers all had long hair flowing in the wind. I headed to Flynn’s cabin to tell her that we arrived. Ever since Flynn had suffered the sexist attitudes of the Shimaron coast guards who told her that they would not allow her to travel the seas without a man to claim responsibility for her, she had secluded herself in her room. However, what shocked her even more was that I resolved the troublesome situation by appearing in disguise with Norman Gilbit’s mask. In the extremely short version, I simply said this: “All of you, you should bet on Caloria instead of Big Shimaron. You’ll make enough money to run wild for the rest of your lives.” The bunch of ruffians that were serving as the coast guard laughed and let the ship by. They’ll probably bet on Big Shimaron in The World’s Best Fighter Tournament, but maybe they’ll buy one betting slip on Caloria. Simply because the one earnestly thinking about her country is a woman, she’s laughed at and rejected, but with just one idiotic phrase like that from a man we get let right through. To be honest, it’s depressing. “Flynn, don’t pay any attention to that ridiculous law. It’s time to-” “AH!” With a shrill scream like an old lady, she throws her bed sheets. “How dare you enter a woman’s room without asking for permission!” “… Did you just hide something?” “I-I didn’t hide anything. Hurry up and get out. I’m in the middle of changing.” Despite what she just said, she already has her jacket on. None of her luggage is open either. She’s pushing the door closed with all her strength, but over her shoulder I see a bulge under the bed sheet she threw. “You’re hiding someone in your bed, aren’t you!?” “I’m not hiding anyone. There’s no one here!” “Liar, look, the sheets are shaking. You’re smuggling someone on board! What, is he your boyfriend? If so you should have just said so from the begin-” “KYA! No! It’s not my boyfriend!” “D-don’t tell me you wished on a monkey paw to bring your dead husband back to life and started a horror story!” (1) “Who’s a monkey!?” Then, the sheets moved. Thinned by over-washing, the sheets rose up in a showy fashion with a narration by Sadatomo Matsudaira. (2) “Nmo?” “Huh?” A pink nose suddenly poked out. Why a sheep!? Why T-Zou!? “See I told you. It’s not a lover or my husband.” Giving up on trying to push me out, Flynn reluctantly let go of the doorknob. As if staying still was pushing her to the limit, the ball of 100% Wool jumped up and down on the bed. Easily finding me, she rushed at me from a dangerous angle. “Ooph! Settle down T-Zou! Sit! I said sit! Why did you bring her along again?” “If I left her in Caloria, what would we do if she was mistaken for food…” “Eh? But lamb meat… I guess you eat that, huh?” This sheep who was brown only on the T-Zone of her face was rubbing her face and horns on my stomach. She’s very excited. “And besides-” “Nmonmonmonmonmoshkashteeeeee!” “-might come in handy.” “That’s ridiculous. This is ‘Use your knowledge, speed and skill to win! The World’s Best Fighter Tournament’ isn’t it? Where is there any place to squeeze in a sheep? Now-” “Nmoshkashteee!” “-were to be of use… let’s see, ah, it would only be her being warm if we slept outside?” It seemed like Flynn did not want to leave T-Zou behind on the ship as she was doing her best to contradict me. “But wha-” “Aaaanmoshkashteeee!” “-the final match is a sheep show? What will you do then? You won’t find a valiant and fluffy girl like this just anywhere.” At the very least the sheep is living up to her description. Thrusting my fingers into the high-class furball, I scratch behind her ears. There’s no way that the last event in an international tournament that occurs once every four years is going to be a livestock show. What’s strange is that Flynn, a human from Caloria, did not know the details of the tournament. Even though Caloria is a territory of Small Shimaron it has the qualifications to enter so it wouldn’t be strange if she knew what sorts of contests are involved. “You said you’d never participated, but you don’t even know what’s involved? Isn’t it broadcast on TV or the radio… no guess not. But you have something like newspapers right? And besides, you’re the wife of a feudal lord so wouldn’t you be invited as a guest?” “Of course not! Women and children are not allowed in the arena. If they are found there they are put to death. If you’re not a… natural-born Shimaron citizen you can’t watch the finals.” “Eh?” I suddenly had a mental image. A stadium filled to capacity and overflowing with spectators, all of which are handsome adult men. Resounding and bold cheers with indecent jeers and jokes mixed in. The winner is embraced by an older man and receives his blessings, the loser is dragged from the stadium by another older man. There are angry roars following him out and rotten eggs are thrown at him. It’s passionate, too passionate. And cold… filthy, too filthy! “According to rumor, those who make it to the finals fight naked with only their bodies as weapons, their tempered bodies clash together, the glistening sweat and all sorts of bodily fluids fly through the air all the way to the spectator seats-” “Hold up! That’s really like the old Olympics! Someone should have told me that sooner!” This is bad. Really bad. Do I really stand a chance with my lame pecs..? Ah this sucks! I’m gonna look so bad in comparison. In the first place, the bodies of baseball players are fundamentally different compared to other sports, especially martial arts. Muscles like Kiyohara has are the exception and there are a surprising amount of players with soft body types. Wait a minute, if we’re talking about a face like Matsui’s then he might win. But hold up, it’ll probably take at least five more years for me to get a body like Kazuo. (3) “… I doooon’t waaaanna enter anymoooore!” “Are you okay? Are you going to start doing sit-ups?” That’s like starting a diet the day before getting weighed. No matter what sort of dangerous doping I did, there’s no way I’d get muscles overnight. “What are the two of you doing alone tog-… What’s wrong Yuuri? Your eyebrows are all wimpy,” Wolfram says as he rushes in. For a moment he forgets his anger. “Naked… Wolf… naked in front of a stadium full of people…” As he watched me mutter dazedly, the pretty boy boasted proudly – even though he was supposed to be all spoiled and high-strung. “What are you so depressed for? It’s nothing to worry about! It’s something that all men go through at some point. If all the spectators are naked too then it will just be a naked festival. Maybe everyone at the arena will come together and have a huge party.” Everyone at the arena will… bleagh! “Stop imagining the details!” I yell. “Um, I’m sure this isn’t the case, but do you really intend to go all the way to the finals..?” Flynn nervously interjects as she pets T-Zou. “Why are you asking something obvious like that now?” It means something to participate in the Olympics, but there is a greater meaning in victory in The World’s Strongest. ----- (1) Reference to The Monkey’s Paw by William Wymark Jacobs. It is a short story about a married couple and their son who come into possession of a monkey’s paw that grants three wishes, but the wishes come true in horrible ways. (2) This is a joke involving the previous sentence. Sadatomo Matsudaira is an announcer for the public broadcasting network, NHK. He was the host for a show that ran from 2000-2007 called ‘Sono Toki Rekishi ga Ugoita’ which means ‘Then, history moved.’ (3) These are baseball players. Kazuhiro Kiyohara and Kazuo Matsui were both in Yuuri’s favorite team, the Seibu Lions. Here’s a spoiler to their pictures: [Spoiler to pics]
We found an adequate spot in the middle of the crowded harbor and just barely managed to dock The Red Starfish. According to the rules of the sea, we flew this country’s flag in a conspicuous location. Nevertheless, bright red ships seem to be rare so we were immediately identified as foreigners. When I headed up to the deck to disembark, Captain Sizemore came up to me without making a sound and handed me a small parcel. "Your Majesty, His Excellency Gwendal instructed me to give this to you…” “Gwen did? What is it? A knitted hat?” I untie the ribbon with a little mascot figure attached and open the ridiculously meticulous wrapping. Inside was a pair of winter sports goggles and a cap that Lord von Voltaire had hand-made. This was definitely knitted by hand. Definitely.The tag just says ‘Made’. “… Don’t abbreviate that.” “If I may be so bold, Your Majesty’s hair is of an exceedingly noble color so…” “Yeah yeah, I know. I’ll put it on, you want me to put it on rig-… I-It has ears!?” No wonder I thought it looked familiar. On both sides of the reddish brown knit, adorable bear ears were sticking out. It’s an indispensible item for hatching bearbees, the number one rare animal that you want to hug and snuggle in bed with. "This is too embarrassing to walk around with on my head nogisuuu!” (1) It’d be better to just stay as the masked man. “Can’t you just turn it inside out?” Taking the hat from my hands, Murata flips it over. There are strange lumps sticking up now, but the ears are on the inside and they don’t stand out. “Like this.” “You’re right! You’re a genius, Muraken! That’s The Great Sage for you.” To think that the wisdom of the Sage would come in handy in a place like this. Actually, I hope that it will come in handy in other situations as well. I pull the cap with the ears on the inside down to my eyebrows and hide my eyes with the winter goggles. Now if I just had a mask that covered my mouth I’d totally feel pumped up to take part in the Winter Olympics. “Nice, Shibuya. You look like a convenience store robber.” And it’s all for nothing. Because it’s a high-speed boat, when we let down the gangway the continuously passing people suddenly gathered around the sides of the ship. If the uniformed guards hadn’t stopped them, we wouldn’t have been able to make our way through them. The masses are yelling things that are hard to understand and they bare their fists at us. “You’d think that foreigners wouldn’t be so unusual for an international port like this.” “Well it’s the last day of registration for The World’s Strongest Fighter Tournament. Anyone arriving is probably a contender.” Flynn took in the sight of the crazily yelling people and narrowed her eyes. “To them, everyone is an enemy.” There is hatred and ridicule in the crowd. At the same time, the contempt they have for their vassal nations is rearing its head. “… Can’t they be more cheerful? For sportsmanship.” “Seriously. If only every international tournament was cheerful. Okay, we should probably take care of our entries as soon as possible. It’d be suspicious moving around with a bunch of people so just Gurrier and Captain Sizemore should be fine for bodyguards,” said Murata. Six people and one animal walk down the gangway and enter the Big Shimaron stronghold. In spite of the guards holding the crowd back, the angry voices from the people do not stop. Maybe they’re insults specific to this place because I absolutely do not understand any of it. Or rather, when I try to consciously focus on the words to understand them, it all sounds like a buzzing in my ears. Kind of like when I ruptured my eardrum. They are definitely human voices, but they sound like tens of thousands of bees swarming in my brain. I might just be thrown off balance from seasickness, but I feel bad and my feet feel heavy. Rather than making me feel better, when I step onto solid ground I get even more nauseated. Swallowing an unnatural amount of saliva, I try to fool myself out of my discomfort for a moment. For the time being, I turn to talk to Murata to distract myself. “This is cool. It’s totally like we’re the visiting team. Where are the elementary school kids to cheer on Caloria?” “Having one school to one country was an excellent idea. But away teams are treated like this everywhere. Oh look, there’s a bunch of hand signals with fists they’re sending us. Those guys in the group on the right are all lifting their pinkies.” Now that he mentions it, their pinkies are sticking straight up on the fists they’re waving in the air. “So are they going ‘Yay! All of us have girlfriends!’ or something?” (2) “In a way they’re challenging us to a fight.” “We should hold up our thumbs and pinkies and be like ‘Hey give us a call!’” There was a small shriek behind us. Someone had grabbed Flynn’s blonde hair. “Flynn!?” “I’m fine, I’m fine. He stopped them.” The well-bred third son looked astonished. Even though she was an enemy, as a man he probably couldn’t tolerate another man pulling a woman’s hair. The other people reached out to Murata and me as well, but we bent backward, stooped forward and did some Matrix moves so we managed to dodge the harassment. It seems that not even the Big Shimaron citizens would think to lay their hands on Josak or Sizemore. Strangely enough, even T-Zou was successfully keeping the hands away by wildly snorting and growling threateningly. When I tried growling as well… I got depressed because I looked like a weirdo. As we got out of the port and entered East Nilzon and stopped being instantly recognized as new arrivals, no one paid much attention to us. Once you get through that 'baptism' upon entry, it seems you can move about quite freely. “We only have the afternoon left so we should go register first. Hey,” the stout-hearted Calorian woman says as she lowers her voice and grabs my sleeve. “… We may need Norman Gilbit again. If so-” “Okay I’ll wear it. If necessary I’ll change into the masked man at any time.” “Thank you.” Like I suspected, the buildings are all painted white and yellow and only the roofs and ground are a bright yellow. They were mostly two story shops but there were also some three and four storied houses with lemon yellow walls. There were people of all ages milling around and they were living as they saw fit. There’s a group of housewives chatting on a street corner, squealing children running around, old men reading newspapers at a café-like shop, groups of men laughing at bars. At first glance, the men were mostly soldiers and the women were mostly workers. The people carrying the food they just bought are women and the sellers are also women. Everyone has soft, brown hair and their eyes, although the darkness varied, are all brown as well. There is an overly gaudy plaque on the water fountain in the square. “Happy birth...” “No. Nothing like that is written there,” Wolfram said. “For the honor of the great kingdom of Shimaron, We will provide. The King for the citizens. God for the King.” “I’m surprised you can read that thick and fancy writing, Murata.” While Flynn and Sizemore were submitting the registration papers, we went near the spraying water to get some fresh air. It would be nice if the buzzing in my ears and the light nausea I’ve felt since disembarking would ease up a bit. Then, I saw two children sitting in a gazebo on the other side of the square. They are really white children. “…. Got a chill.” “What’s wrong?” Wolfram asks instantly when he notices his partner shiver. It looks like he wants to continue with ‘You better not have caught a cold right before this important match.’ “How’s your temperature? Let me feel your forehead.” However, I can’t tear my gaze away from the gazebo without windows or walls. There is a pure-white and very pale curtain of light spreading around the two children. Or else the boys – or girls – are emitting something like phosphorescence from their bodies and hair. I can’t tell from this distance. But I feel like I still wouldn’t be able to tell if I went right up next to them and squinted my eyes. The two of them raised their right wrists at the same time and beckoned me over. The part of my brain that makes me suspicious won’t work correctly. I can’t even wonder why they’re calling me or if the pain in my chest is love. I can’t fight it. I don’t think it strange that I can’t fight it. At that moment, a shrill electronic noise sounds and my feet stop as I come back to myself. “Hey you, turn your cell off… oh, I don’t have one,” I chide myself jokingly to hide my embarrassment. It wasn’t the ringtone on my cell phone, but my brave travelling companion the digital-analog G-shock. It hasn’t been that long since I started using it, but this is the first time it malfunctioned and the alarm when off at this time of day. “Shibuya!” “… Hm… huh!? Eh, um, what!?” “Where are you going?” “Where? To those twins over there…” I finally realize how incredibly close I had come near them. Now that I have a better look, I can see that the twins sitting next to each other in symmetrical poses are girls around eleven or twelve. They’re identical down to the color of their hair, their waist-length hairstyles, their clothes, their facial expressions, the angles of their smirking lips, their bare feet, the rhythm they’re swinging their feet – everything except their voices which I haven’t heard yet. Even the timing that they waved at me and the length of their eyelashes. “… It would be best not to get involved with them,” Wolfram said as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He’s sweating in this cold weather. Now that I think about it, there’s a cold sweat running down my own back. When I automatically glance at Murata’s face, he once again has a serious expression. “I agree with him. It would be best not to come into contact with them.” “Wh-why? They’re just completely normal girls a little older than Greta… or maybe not…” The girls’ hair is almost completely white. Unlike Flynn’s platinum blonde, their hair is almost white instead of silvery. They might have gotten that pale cream color if they bleached their fine, blonde hair over and over again. Either that or they were born with that color and it’s reflecting the light around them. Like Mr. Spock, their bangs are longest in the middle of their forehead instead of on the sides and their large, wide-set eyes are emphasizing their childish charm. When I look closely, their irises are a deep gold with flecks of green. That’s far more unusual than black. Besides their faintly flushed cheeks, the downright abnormal whiteness of their chins and jaws can be described by a joke my mother made on a Sunday: “The wakame in the miso soup is so transparent it looks like you can see right through it.” They’re inhuman in every way.
Their limbs are thin and flexible and they have on large, unbecoming shoes. “They’re cute… or rather, beautiful aren’t they.” But even so, it’s a different type of beautiful compared to the demons with Lady Cecilie, The Pheromone Beauty, as representative. Even when faced with the super beauty Günter, I had never broken out into a cold sweat as someone with an average face and figure. However, just by looking at these girls, my throat is closing up. What am I so nervous about when these two twin beauties invited me over? I turn my back on them and speak in a low voice to Murata and Wolfram. “This is the first time I’ve seen one, but are they by chance elves?” “‘Alves’? What are those?” Wolfram asks. “Shibuya, you play too many video games. Elves are imaginary creatures.” “Huh?” Even though this is a world with kappa and fish people, elves are imaginary creatures!? Giving a small laugh at my idiotic expression, Murata lowers his voice. “If you look closely, their ears aren’t pointed. If you think for a moment it’s obvious. Elves in RPGs or fantasy stories are better than humans in every way. If that sort of species existed, the world would be controlled by them.” “How rude. I don’t know what kind of people those el… el… ‘elbs’ are, but there’s no way that we demons would be inferior to them!” It seems the former super-elite from The Great Demon Kingdom could not simply let that comment pass. “Then those two are normal humans? If so, their beauty is a bit different.” “Yeah, those girls are definitely not human. If I had to guess, I’d say they’re Shin-” It happened when the intellectual Murata was about to teach me a new word. “Big brother!” When I turn around, the two girls in question are smiling with their hands joined together. After staring them in the eyes for three seconds, I hurriedly turn back into the discussion huddle. “They just said ‘big brother’!” And in a cutesy way you could tack a heart on the end of. Who!? Who is the big brother!? The eldest son of the Murata family speaks first. “I’m an only child.” “I only have one older brother.” “I have two older brothers… Yuuri! Do you have a hidden sister this time!?” “Don’t say something scary like that! First of all, I’m cosplaying as a convenience store robber with goggles on. Like a sibling separated at birth would recognize me? And what about you? Maybe Lady Celi got a new lover and… hey, you know she said that she wanted a daughter.” “Mother, don’t tell me you laid your hands on a Shinzoku…” The youngest son was at a loss for words. The twins call out to us again as we stand half bent over talking to each other. “Big brothers!” Smile. Smiiiiile. “Th-they just said ‘big brothers’!” “That means all three of us are their brother!?” “Being suddenly called ‘big brother’ by a beautiful young girl in a foreign land…” I’ve heard of situations like this before. “I got it! They’re little sister characters! But that set up is for getting a bunch of little sisters, not for suddenly getting three big brothers… ah.” My stalker fiance’s eyes have gone wide and my schoolmate is laughing. Damn! Did I just reveal I borrowed my brother’s dating games? “Don’t say such infuriating things. There’s no way that something unrealistic like that would happen,” says Wolfram. “Actually I like the priestess characters more,” Murata chimes in. “… Well excuse me…” “It really doesn’t matter, Young Masters. But I think they’re just calling you over.” The calmest one was Josak who apparently has no interest in the little sister type. They probably have patient personalities because the two girls are still waving at us. “Good afternoon, big brothers!” Their voices and timing are identical and it’s like only one person is talking. “H-hello.” Wolfram whispers ‘They’re Shinzoku, the people of heaven. You had better not get involved with them’ in my ear. By ‘people of heaven’ does he mean gods? Then… those girls are gods? It seems that two female-shaped gods are taking a rest in a public square in this land of Big Shimaron. If we went to a sushi place nearby, the shopboy’s god will definitely be there. Even though I’m a baseball brat without the slightest shred of religious piety, my speech turns formal when standing before a god. (3) “I apologize for not having a monetary offering even though I do not have the pleasure of meeting you outside of the first month of the new year.” The twin gods giggled. And then, they spoke in a peculiar way. “Fortune telling?” “Hm? As in, do I believe in it?” The god on the right wordlessly takes my hand. Just when I thought she was going to read my palm, she grasps my thumb instead. The feeling of nausea spreading throughout my stomach and chest gets stronger and the veins in the back of my head start pulsating like I have an extra heart there. I reflexively try to snatch back my hand, but it feels like my joints will disconnect and I can’t pull away. “Ow-” I hold back the scream that almost passed through my throat. She has a marvelous grip strength for being so thin. Without paying attention to the pain I’m in, she asks a point-blank question. “The World’s Strongest?” “As in, am I entering? Yeah, that’s the plan. Of course I’m entering.” After that, the two of them continue in concert. Victory? Possible? Hope? They’re not going to let me finish talking? It’s annoying, like reading subtitles in a movie. “Too bad.” “You’re suddenly giving me a divine prophecy!? That’s a bad omen.” “Big brothers, will get injured.” That’s an even worse omen. The twins quite cheerfully turn to look at each other and keep laughing. They’re definitely divine and beautiful, but… I can’t think of a word to describe it. Even if I furrow my brows and think really hard, I can’t make up for my limited vocabulary. It’s like they’re finding the misfortune of others amusing or like they don’t think of people as people or something along those lines. The deep golden eyes of the god on the left look over my goggles and peer into my eyes. ‘I’m found out,’ I thought. “King?” “K-k-king!? I’m definitely not a home-run batter! Although if you can tell someone’s batting statistics just by looking at their face and thumb I absolutely want you to become my team’s batting coach!” “Not by face. Soul.” I panic and try to pull back my thumb, but I’m being held with unexpectedly powerful strength. I can’t pull free. “Hey!” Wolf grabs my arm from the side and fixes the girl with a cold glare passed down from his brother. “Let go.” “You.” “You. This person, subordinate?” The former Crown Prince falters for a moment after being gazed at by the other god. In order to say that he isn’t someone who would obey someone else, I open my mouth but the twins beat me to it. “Even though you have the talent to become a king.” “Even though your soul was exceedingly noble before this life and before the last.” “Well of course, he used to be a prince- ouch! Wolfram, what? Violence is…” I notice his bloodless face. The pure-blooded demon from a famous noble family, the son of the previous king, is glaring murderously at the twins. But in his profile, I see an emotion different than anger. He probably remembered the horrible way he met me. The girls were laughing. From deep in their throats, cheerfully. The sweat I’ve been building up flows down my back in a single line. It seems these twins who are so beautiful they give me the chills aren’t actually gods. “It’s true. In you, they’re collected. Right?” “Right. Your past lives, we can see them.” “Hey you two, if you can tell just by looking, why did you grab my finger? By any chance are you harassing me? … Wolf, you don’t have to listen to these little sexual harasser girls. That fortune-telling doesn’t mean anything. Anyone can tell that you’re a prince on a white horse just by looking at you. Whether you’re good at skiing is a different matter.” I’m basically just a muscle head so I don’t have the slightest bit of persuasive power. It’s times like these that the Twin Black Great Sage comes in handy. Please resolve this issue. “Oh really?” After humming a verse of El Bimbo, Murata takes 2, 3 steps forward. Damn it, he’s in Tokyo Magic Robinson Mode. “So you can see the past lives of a soul just by looking at someone’s face. Amazing, Magic Robinson, jealousy.” Wondering why the BGM didn’t stop, I notice that Josak has continued whistling it. It was out of tune due to him not being overly familiar with the song and it had thus become strangely upbeat. “As someone also in the business, I simply have to try this. Okay,” he sticks his chin out at the pair, “tell me my past life.” “… You.” There was a long and heavy silence. The two girls are shaking slightly and grasping each other’s hands. After a while, the girl on the right opens her mouth, but she’s not smiling cheerfully anymore. “Scholar? “Bzzt, wrong. In my past life I was a female porn star in a series called Sister Christine’s Sweet Trap. Well then, what about before that?” “… Scribe?” “Bzzt, wrong again. Before that I was a combat medic in World War I who had quite a tough time. Hey, you’re not getting anything right. But I’m sure just being beautiful, twin sister fortune tellers brings in plenty of customers anyway.” The girls’ transparent white skin flushes red like paint was spilled on them. The hand grasping mine was trembling. Facing their first defeat must be quite mortifying. Forget that, Murata. What was up with your past life? What do you mean Sweet Trap? What’s a Sweet Trap? It happened when the beautiful twins clenched their fists and looked like they were about to let loose a string of unseemly insults. From the other side of the spray of the water fountain, a man in a foreign country’s military outfit appeared. “Jason, Freddy, did something happen?” It was a harsh voice more mature than his age that I would never be able to forget even if I tried. The two girls he called out to stood up in sync. “Maxine!” Nigel Wise Maxine. The worst man in Small Shimaron. “Their names are Jason and Freddy even though they’re twins? … They should have been Osugi and Piiko.” (4) Once again, what Murata chooses to comment on is slightly off the mark. --- (1) I’m sure pretty much everyone has seen the bearbee episode, but just in case, nogisu is the sound bearbees make. They were introduced in KakkaMa in the story I’m currently working on translating ^-^ (2) Lifting your pinky is a hand signal that means girlfriend. Extra info: The thumb means boyfriend. (3) There is a Japanese story called Kozou no Kamisama by Shiga Naoya that was translated into English as The Shopboy’s God. It’s about a boy who goes to a sushi shop on the way home from an errand but finds out that he doesn’t have enough money to eat there and goes away. A nobleman who saw this happen buys some sushi and brings it to the boy. However, the boy didn’t realize that someone had seen him walk away empty handed and while he’s trying to figure out how this man knew he wanted sushi, he decides that the man must be a god. The boy then believes that this man will appear whenever he is in trouble. The story ends somewhat prematurely because the author would have felt bad for the boy when he discovered that the man wasn’t actually a god. (4) Osugi and Piiko are actors who are twin brothers. As for Freddy and Jason… I’m pretty sure that Freddy vs. Jason and their respective franchises were released worldwide, but just in case, Freddy and Jason are horror movie villains who ended up mortal enemies XD |
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