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Kyou kara Ma no Tsuku Jiyuugyou! - Volume 7 - Chapter 7




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KKM Novel 7, Chapter 7

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The random is strong in this chapter XD

Illustration found on Portrait of a Demon King.


Chapter 7


      Aiko Sixteen, sixteen sheep, Enatsu’s 21 Pitches. (1)
      The last one will come in real handy for a baseball brat, but I don’t know about the first two.  Besides, there’s a good chance that people without experience won’t be able to handle sixteen sheep.
      Because all the horses, cows and machos were rented out and there weren’t any other animals at hand, we on Team Caloria have no choice but to use sheep to pull our vehicle.  In this world, four sheep equals the power of one horse so to reach the speed of a carriage pulled with four horses, we have roped together sixteen sheep.
      Our Sheep Master, Miss Mary, has been training us both gently and severely.  However, we only have a day and we students are a noble third son who seems to have not had any contact with livestock whatsoever and the Gurrier (grilled) lamb loving Josak.  And then there’s me who hardly even wears any wool.  There’s no way that we can easily control the sheep and our training has been high stress since the morning started.  The non-magic-powered military tank – which wasn’t any different than a small carriage although it seems to be made of a light and durable material – was carried here in a hurry, but our crucial towing animals weren’t obeying orders.  If we can’t get them to line up properly, we can’t belt them all together.
      “… It’s hopeless, this slow movement.  Just looking at it is making me tired.  Besides, I can’t even imagine sheep pulling a carriage.  I can only imagine them eating paper.”
      “Shibuya, that’s what black goats do.”
      “What are you talking about, eh?  ‘Seep’ are made for running eh, yeah.” (2)
      If the school system goes 6-3-3, then Miss Mary is around a 1st year middle school student.  Like she was a committee chairman from the school of hard knocks, she swings about her thick braid when she turns her head.  She’s cracking a whip with a snap-snap as she stands on top of a high boulder.
      That whip is definitely for sheep.  It’s probably for sheep.  It’s for sheep, right!?
      “‘Seep’ who don’t run are just plain old ‘seep’ eh, yeah.  They just eat grass and get fat and have their fur sheared.”
      “You say that, but I think the value of sheep is in their fur, Miss Mary.  Ah, the value of a man isn’t in their fur, though.  I don’t think these thin legs were made for running around in… whoa.”
      I had given the thigh of a nearby, gray sheepy a squeeze.  Plump and firm.
      “… M-muscles.”
      The full body, 100% wool disguise was hiding an impressive muscular figure.
      “Whaddya think?”
      “Forgive me, Chairman.”
      The young Sheep Master had her hands on her hips and had a look of pride.  Surrounded by about five sheep, Wolfram was screaming while they chewed on his blonde hair.  The mother apologized to Flynn with a calm smile as she watched from afar.
      “I’m sorry, she’s always been mischievous eh, yes.  Especially since these are the first sheep that Mary’s looking after eh, right.  She’s really excited to teach them eh, yeah.  If they get a nice ranking in this tournament, their value as carriage animals will go up eh, yes.  Then, they won’t be chopped up for meat and they’ll be able to enter into sheep races as running ‘seep’ eh, yes.”
      No ma’am, I think she’s already passed straight through ‘mischievous’ territory.
      Josak got kicked.
      “If you cross over into another’s lane and get in the way of the ‘seep’ you’ll get kicked right into the sand eh, yeah.  While you’re racing, the trick is to pass others on the outside, not the inside eh, yeah.”
      “This is hard… Sheep racing is too hard!”
      “It’ll be fine!  It’s 400,000 horse legs to the goal in Lambert.  You’ll get the hang of it before you get all the way there,” Flynn said.
      “Horse legs..?”
      Even if we do miraculously figure this out before we get all the way there, if we don’t master this until we get near the goal it’ll be too late.  Somehow we have to get the basics down today and learn at least the bare minimum to control the sheep.
      I’m starting to feel the pressure.  Even though the tournament is tomorrow, my headache and nausea didn’t go away with a good night’s sleep and I can’t even properly prepare for the race.  On top of that, this place reeks of kerosene more than livestock.
      “Damn, my head hurts.”
      “Shibuya, why don’t you try singing?  There was a movie where a pig did that right?  A chant to manipulate the sheep.  Lamb chop, lamb chop, laaaaamb lamb lamb lamb chop, mutton mutton – like that.”
      “Guhaah!”
      “Whoa, Wolf got kicked!  Murata, that song, that’s not the right song!”
      “Hm, I can’t remember it.  What was the pig’s name?  Dave?”
      “Okubo…  Quit it, I like Spector a lot better.  And it’s not Dave.” (3)
      “Babe?”
      Ruth.  Wait, this isn’t a famous name game.
      Let’s stop trying to use the Great Sage’s wisdom when it comes to animals.  He grew up in an apartment after all.  The only pets he’s had are angora guinea pigs and electronic pets.  If you consider two mongrel dogs as the descendants of wolves, then I have a slight advantage when it comes to taming wild animals.
      “Nmo!”
      T-Zou, who had been by my side watching over my progress, slowly gets to her feet.  The downy hair on her nose bristles and she lets out a war cry into the sky.
      “Nmonmo! Nmonmo! …. Nmonmosshkamameeeeyoooo!
      T-Zou learned a new song!  Her repertoire has went up by one.
      “The world’s… eh!?”
      Fifteen sheep fall into step and move to the side.  They form a perfect line in front of the non-magic-powered military tank, ‘So Light It’s Like a Dream.’
      “Whoa, that scared me.  What happened?  T-Zou, what kind of sheep are you?  A Merino?”
      Light brown face with a white T-Zone.  Her rectangular pupils always look like they’re laughing.  Miss Mary jumps down from her boulder and starts petting the sheep team leader standing at the front.
      “Awesome!  You’re awesome eh, yeah!  You’re the legendary ‘Seep’ Queen aren’t you, eh!?  Yeah!”
      The Queen of the Sheep gives a little ‘ehe~’ snort.
      “I don’t believe it eh, that the ‘Seep’ Queen is real eh!  I thought it was just a miracle in stories eh, yeah!”
      I’ve never even heard of it in stories.  I don’t say that retort out loud.  After encountering The Sheep Legend, Miss Mary is overcome with emotion.
      “If you’re here you’ll definitely win eh, yeah!  There’s no way ‘seep’ will lose to horses eh, yeah.  You guys are alright.  Your running training is over.  You can just leave everything to this one right here eh, yeah!”
      “Whoohoo.”
      After hearing that questionable proclamation that our training course was over, I couldn’t put much effort into my shout of joy.  I feel conflicted.  She would know best, but are we really leaving everything to a sheep?  While the Sheep Master was praising T-Zou like Mutsuguro, she stood up straight. (4)
      “Okay, next is parallel parking eh!  Things will be really crowded during the race eh, yeah.”
      “Eh!?”
      Parallel parking with sixteen sheep.  It’s scary just thinking about it.

-----


(1)    Aiko Sixteen is a movie from 1983 about this girl named Aiko who was on her high school archery team.  Then this other girl also named Aiko joins the team and she’s awesome and everyone wants to be like her, but then they find out she used to be pregnant and suicidal.  Enatsu’s 21 Pitches is a nonfiction essay about the 21 pitches in the ninth inning of a baseball game that Yutaka Enatsu of the Hiroshima Toyo Carps pitched.  In short, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YUURI IS TRYING TO SAY HERE O.O  I’m thinking he was just saying sports stuff with numbers in the title, but if it’s not and you’ve cracked the reference puzzle, please tell me!
(2)    Mary is mispronouncing the word for sheep, ‘hitsuji,’ and is instead saying ‘shitsuji’ which means butler.  It is written in a way to signify that it is just how Mary says the word and it is not a pun.   Actually, a few other people say ‘shitsuji’ as well so it seems to be part of the regional dialect.  Anyway, because of how the ‘hi’ sound is pronounced before a ‘t’ sound, ‘hitsuji’ does actually sound a lot like ‘shitsuji’ and it can sometimes be hard to hear the difference.
(3)    Hiromoto Okubo is a former player for the Seibu Lions.  His nickname was Dave which is why Yuuri just automatically said his name.  Dave Spector is a TV producer in Japan from America and he appears as a commentator on a lot of Japanese TV shows as the token white American guy.  That being said, he’s a pretty cool foreign talent.  He’s smart and his Japanese is really good and he doesn’t act like a super douche.  Some of the other foreign talents on TV are reallyembarrassing x.x
(4)    To put it simply, Mutsugoro is like the Japanese Steve Irwin.  He’s also known as Masanori Hata and he was the director of The Adventures of Milo and Otis.  He’s an animal lover and researcher who did all sorts of wacky stuff on TV, but he has also published numerous animal related essays and books, travels around the world a lot and also does a lot of animal paintings.


 

*.*.*.*.*



      When watching television, all good children should turn on the lights and watch from a distance.  Also, sheep should limit themselves to one hour a day.  There is the rare possibility of muscle strain when interacting with sheep.
      “Ugh… I messed around too much…”
      When I woke up early the next morning, my legs and arms were stiff.  I’m not out of shape because I’ve been doing daily sit-ups and squats, but my body had stiffened and I couldn’t get out of bed.  It seems that racing with a sheep carriage utilizes muscles not used in baseball.
      While I was hunched over in a strange position eating breakfast, Murata designated me as the representative in the written contest.
      “Huh!?  But my grades in modern language are horrible and I won’t be able to read the questions with this country’s over-fancy writing!”
      “You’ll be able to read them if you take your time.”
      “Even so!  I’m bad at writing too.  It ends up looking like a snail crawled across the page.  Wolf’s penmanship is so much better and if the question is about Shimaron literature then Josak would be best because he lived here until he was twelve.”
      “Lord von Bielefelt seems fairly high-strung.  He probably has lovely penmanship.  But Shibuya, how is it going to look if the representative for Caloria uses High Demon letters?  Won’t that leave a bad impression on the examiner?”
      “Ah, that’s uh…”
      I look at the back of Wolfram’s blonde head.  Thanks to the frequent low blood pressure of pretty boys, he’s been sitting there collapsed on the table.
      “Right?  Your unique writing, to put it nicely, can pass for a blank nationality.”
      To put it rudely, it sucks.
      “Then Josa…”
      “Your Majesty, this is hard to say, but while I was here in this country I didn’t receive anything like an education.  Therefore, my knowledge is all from The Great Demon Kingdom’s military schools and the only books I’ve read lately arePoison Lady Anissina.  I’m a grown adult and it still makes me so scared I don’t want to go use the bathroom.”
      With a ‘see?’ from my proud friend, I ended up walking towards the assembly hall for the knowledge portion of ‘Use your knowledge, speed and skill to win!  The World’s Best Fighter Tournament.’  Only those taking part were allowed to enter and it was like I was being sent off by my parents at a school entrance exam.
      Considering that it’s a fighting tournament, if you want to win in the ‘skill’ section you can’t just send in regular old prodigies for the written test.  Of course, there are probably a few in here who are accomplished in both martial and literary arts, but there is a high percentage of muscles and it feels like the entrance exam to a sports university or a meeting of the heads of all of the sports clubs.
      From what I can see, there are just shy of fifty people in their seats.  If this is how many teams there are, winning this will be about as hard as Koushien. Flynn has said that ‘this is our chance!’, but it seems like there are a lot of people here with that attitude.  (1)
      “Hey!  Hey let me say one last thing!”
      When I turn around, Murata is shouting just outside the entrance with his hands cupped over his mouth.
      “Are you listening!?  No matter what happens, be proud of your country’s culture and education!  Okay!?  Don’t forget your pride!”
      “Yeah yeah.”
      Murata’s voice echoed around the assembly hall.  Everyone was now nodding with renewed determination.  Don’t yell out such useful advice at the top of your lungs.  If possible, I’d like you to secretly whisper it to me when the two of us are alone.
      When I sit down in a random seat, a man came to silently stand next to the desk.  He had his arms crossed over his yellow and white military uniform and had long flowing, soft locks of hair – a Shimaron soldier.  I look around in surprise and see that one of them is standing near every seat.  Even if this is an anti-cheating measure, this one-on-one system is harsh.
      As soon as the scheduled time comes, some cheap paper was passed around.  On the top line there was only one short question printed.  Just as I thought, I couldn’t read it right away.  I discreetly close my eyes and run my finger along the question.  Thanks to the archaic printing technique, the letters were slightly raised.  What a relief.  It looks like I’ll be able to decipher this.  There’s no rule prohibiting ESP and other skills so this won’t be considered cheating.
      ‘Compose an essay in the provided space below about the history of our great kingdom of Shimaron’
      “… History?”
      Even when I say that in English the meaning is the same.  It’s nice that I was able to read it but now I’m baffled.
      This question isn’t of a level that has anything to do with me failing world history.  There’s no way I’d know the history of Shimaron.  Like I’d know!  I’m fuzzy on my own country’s history – now both Japan and The Great Demon Kingdom – so why would I be learning anything about other countries?  I’m not proud of it, but I don’t even know the name of the president.  Um, was it not a presidential government?  When I look around, careful to move only my eyeballs, I see that everyone around me is moving their pens.  Damn it!  This was really a gamble.  All of you are probably those types that say ‘Man, I didn’t study at all’ but you actually study at home all the time.  Ah, endless solitude.  In this infinitely expanding universe, am I the only one who is unfamiliar with Shimaron’s history?
      “… Space, the final frontier…”
      The scale is too big for the introduction to an explanation of a single country’s history.
      What did Murata say?  ‘Be proud of your country’s culture and education.’  That’s useless.  That shit – excuse me – excrement is useless.
      Shimaron has never taken center stage in any of my history classes.  That’s only natural.  There is no country like that on any continent on Earth.  Maybe I should just make up something that sounds a lot like this place and pray that there’s some stuff that happens to match up.  If it subjugated an entire continent, maybe I should use Napoleon as a model and then just change out all the pronouns.  Or maybe Alexander the Great.
      “It’s no use… I can only remember a face that looks like Sylvester Stallone…”
      I’m such an idiot.
      Now that it’s come to this I have to use my last resort – the plan that many desperate college students have used to get through hundreds of tough spots.  According to my older brother, you should at least write this down when the answer isn’t in your head.
      “‘How to make delicious curry’… there.  First, cut an onion into slices the width of a pinkie finger… and slowly fry them with oil in a frying pan until they turn golden brown…”
 



      I don’t know if this is true or not, but this seems to be worth academic credits in my brother’s university.  However, if the professor doesn’t like carrots, they won’t read it if you include them in the recipe.  In exams for religious classes, you have to pay attention to what meat you use.
      In order to fill up the huge answer section, I write every last ounce of knowledge I have.  Garam masala, nutmeg, turmeric, naan bread, chapathi bread, pickled vegetables.  Subtle seasonings of chocolate and instant coffee.  The differences between Indian style curry and European curry and their deliciousness.  The scientific theory about why it’s milder the next day, how to heat it if there are potatoes included, uses for leftover roux and how to store it, even why you must absolutely never feed curry to dogs.  I’m pouring all of the curry trivia I’ve accumulated during my sixteen years of eating habits into this critical moment.
      When my answer sheet was filled in with black, the pen in my right hand was covered in sweat.  I had been staring so intently that both of my eyes hurt.  I have an absolutely ludicrous sense of accomplishment.
      “Phew.”
      I’m even breathing roughly through my nose.  When someone who looks like a supervisor rang a bell, the soldier standing next to me picked up my answer sheet.  He seems to be serving as an examiner as well as he just starts to scan through it.  The man reading my answer is making troubled sounds.
      “… Mm… huh… umm… This is… unique writing.”
      “It’s delicious,” I say hopefully in a small voice.
      “So you compared our country’s liberation and unification history as well as the influx of foreign cultures adding to our elevation to an even more advanced civilization to a local dish…?”
      That was an unexpected, favorable interpretation.  It’s nothing so extravagant, but you must try making it at home at least once.
      “Hm, splendid!  You can leave immediately.”
      “Seriously!?  This passed!?”
      “Seriously!”
      I kicked back my chair to stand up, grabbed my coat and ran off.  Strangely, there were only a few people leaving and the majority of the examinees were sitting in their seats with irritated looks on their faces.
      “I wonder why.”
      “They envy the history of the great kingdom of Shimaron and have foolish points of view.  They wrote as if they blindly believe their own countries were just and completely lack gratitude and respect for the blessings we bestowed upon them.”
      “Ahah, I see.”
      They irritated the examiners.  But, I can understand how they feel.  Even if they’re ordered to praise the people who subjugated them, it’s not something they can do easily.  Even though they’ve prepared themselves for the important race coming up, the resentment they had pent up came gushing forth at this petty occasion.  With some trivial words…
      “Ah!”
      I slowly replay Murata’s speech.
      Be proud of your country’s culture and history.  One more time. Beeeeeeeeee prooooooud oooooooof yoooouuuur coooooountry’s… including echoes.
      Was it Murata’s fault that those people got riled up and criticized Shimaron?
      “No, there’s no way.  No way.”
      In the first place, the advice to be proud is meaningless to me since I know hardly anything about this world’s history… Was that advice not meant for me, but was instead meant to rile up everyone?
      “N-no way, no way, there’s just no way.”
      Anyway, I’m lucky.  Because I don’t know much about the circumstances here, I was able to write down an answer that the examiner was pleased with.  It’s not a very pleasing strategy, but when in Rome, do as the Romans do.  Memorize the recipe for curry.
      It’s cloudy when I run outside and the area was full of parallel-parked racing vehicles.  Each team had their own lead animals tethered up.
      Horses, cows, dogs, wild boars, macho men.
      “Hey!”
      I swing around my coat and run towards the flock of soothing animals.
      “I’m awesome!  I am so awesome… What are you doing, Flynn?”     
      The stout-hearted female feudal lord from Caloria had tied up her silver hair and was wearing a plain cap.  Accompanied by the young Sheep Master, Miss Mary, she was gripping a pair of enormous sewing shears.  It’s the most dangerous item in a common citizen’s sewing kit.
      “Wait!  We can talk this over!”
      “I was just about to shear T-Zou’s fur.  This is an ancient battle pattern passed down amongst the Plainsmen.  See, I did her face too.”
      There were eyebrows drawn on the face that was forcibly turned in my direction.  Eyebrows like the kind people draw on dogs.  Seeing T-Zou’s face turned into an old man’s gag drains me of all of my strength.
      “You’re going to shear her too?  Well, sheep are around for their wool but don’t do it.  It’d be too sad if she ended up like a poodle in this cold weather,” I said as I pushed my way through the tons of sheep.  “Isn’t that right, T-Zo- whoa!”
      Three unlucky numbers have appeared on her creamy skin.
      666
      “Okay yeah, don’t shear her!  No, no, no!”
      “Eh?  This is a very lucky number.”
      “The sheep are fine as they are.  Anyway Flynn, we’re off to Lambert.  It’s a shame that women can’t watch, but you should wait on the Dugald ship because it will be safe there.”
      “Okay.”
      I scrambled up into the tank.  Flynn turns her head towards me and extends her hand.
      “I’ll put on a good show as Norman Gilbit.  Then your husband’s reputation will go up too.  Caloria’s social status might improve a bit as well.”
      “… Why are you willing to go so far?”
      Our cold fingers almost touch, but we miss each other by a few millimeters.
      When it comes to talking about her country, she loses her confidence and the tone of her voice falls.  I don’t have confidence either.  I don’t think I can properly answer that question.
      “Well… I don’t know.”
      Why?  I wonder why.
      “Hey!”
      An official whose uniform looked like it was about to burst at the seams around his chest came near with an accusatory look.  The only thing cute about him was his waist-length, curly hair.
      “Josak, you drive.”
      “Hey you there in the ‘seep’ carriage!  Wait!  There’s obviously a problem with your weight.  Unless you add to your load you will be violating the rules of fair play.”
      Well since it’s called ‘So Light It’s Like a Dream,’ it’s probably much lighter than the other racing vehicles.  But there were no regulations on the weight of the vehicle’s body and we didn’t have to report how much the riders weighed to anyone.
      Wondering how we’re going to get through this situation, I give a low groan as I grip the reins.  In the meantime, several racing vehicles started moving one by one.  Inside the horse-drawn carriage that passed by our side, I caught sight of Maxine and the beautiful twins.  In my impatience, I couldn’t think of a good plan.
      “Okay, then we’ll take on some luggage for a handicap… gah!”
      “Murata!?”
      When I look around, I see that the soldier serving as an official has wrapped up my friend in a blanket and is tossing him in as luggage.        Things might be going as he planned because he’s now holding his sides as he laughs wholeheartedly.  Surprised by the sudden impact and indecent laughing, the sheep start running all at once.
      “Whoah!  Where- where are these guys going!?  Not that way!  Don’t turn right, go straight!”
      “I forgot to tell you eh, yeah!  ‘Seep’ have no sense of direction eh, yeah! You have to control them well eh, okay!”
      Sheep have an extremely bad sense of direction!?  Tell us important information like that before we make an agreement!
      “It can’t be helped, Shibuya.  Lambs getting lost is just common knowledge.  It was even written in the Bible 2000 years ago.”
      “I’m Buddhist so I don’t know anything about that!”
      When I pull on the reins with all of my might, T-Zou takes notice and turns back for a split second.
      “Nmoshkashte (Wrong way)?”
      When the leader adjusts her angle, they all promptly return to the proper course.  That’s a relief.  Just as one would expect from the legendary sheep, Queen of the Sheep, the sheep with 666 on her back.
      Murata throws a wet blanket on my compliments.
      “Huh?  But that might be 999.  Galaxy Express Sheep-9.” (2)
      If it was 777 then either coins or feces would start pouring out.


-------

(1)    Baseball reference, of course~  Koushien here refers to the Summer Koushien (the National High School Baseball Championship) in which 49 schools participate.  It’s held in Koushien Stadium, hence the nickname, and it is a major televised sports event in Japan.  I don’t even like baseball and I ended up watching it.  You can't escape XD
(2)    Mini joke on Galaxy Express 999 which is an anime/manga.   The 999 is pronounced ‘Three-Nine’ so ‘Sheep-9’ fits nicely ^-^  The story is about this guy who is travelling on a train (999) running through space in order to obtain a mechanized body at the train’s last stop and thus live forever.



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