Kyou kara Ma no Tsuku Jiyuugyou! - Volume 9 - Chapter 2

Chapter 02

You know what Yuu-chan? Mama gets the feeling that Yuu-chan's pheromone level is on the decline recently. Not Doraemon, nor 21emon (1) but pheromone.
They say the girls will come flocking to you, if you have lots of it!

(1) ‘Doraemon’ and ‘21emon’ are mangas from the same manga artist. Pun on how the two titles rhyme with ‘pheromone’.

So starting from today, Mama is going to cook pheromone specialties everyday for the sake of Yuu-chan's popularity! Oh no, no need to thank me!! What is crucial in both diet and rehabilitation, is the will to succeed and the support of the family!

We begin tonight! Look here, this is Pheromone Specialty No.7!
Liver delicacies and beef tripe stew~ coming right up~!

"Urgh... mom... that's 'hormone'..."  (2)

(2) The Japanese word for cooked intestine (of cows and pigs) is pronounced as 'hormone' . Originally it stood for ‘things to be thrown out’. Pun on how it rhymes with ‘pheromone’.

Not to mention that with 7 different ingredients, the smell resembled something out of this world. An odor reminiscent of the incident attacked my nose, and I snapped my eyes open instantaneously. Some record breaking recovery time.

"Wha- what's this..... urgh!!!"

My eyes are stinging.
My lungs feel as if they’re being polluted by the air I inhaled. My consciousness is swimming in and out of reach again. Ignoring the pain I looked around, but the darkness made it difficult to tell where I was.

Just a moment before, I was standing inside a pool at my friend’s school fair. The late October wind was a little chilling, but the afternoon sky was clear and blue. Now however, the sky is dark and the smell so foul that it is impossible to breathe.
The world seems different.
Very, very different.

Which could only mean one thing.

"Am I back?"

Was I successful? Have I finally managed to return?!!!

"Yeah I did it! I finally came ba-- Ouch!!"

While jumping to my feet in joy, I banged my head into something. The ceiling here was very low. Not that I had many to begin with, but the shock just now probably killed 80% of what little brain cells I had.

I'd thought it was a bit cold; it turned out my back and pants were all soaked.
And it was not even clean water, but some disgusting gooey liquid flowing slowly across my legs. Very annoying. Inferring from the smell and the narrow space, this here is probably the sewer, explaining the pitch-darkness.

Keeping in mind that this was a sewer, I concentrated my efforts on seeing - and it turned out it wasn’t so completely dark as I thought. In the distance I could see a spot of light, maybe that was the exit. Then I realized I was enclosed in a circle by a large number of small beady red eyes.

Are- are these rats?!!

"Woah--!! Tokidoki (3) Rat World (4)!!!"

(3) ‘Tokidoki’ is an onomatopoeia for the sound of heart beats. Also used to emphasize anticipation or anxiety.
(4) Yuuri’s parodying Disney Land, in reference to Mickey Mouse most probably.

My muscles tensed.
You couldn't find this many rats even in the dream world in Urayasu (5). Not only are they all over the ground, but there are also several hanging on the ceiling too. Apparently some of them have wings.

(5) Urayasu is the area where Tokyo Disney Land is located. ‘Dream world’ is referring to Disney Land.

To inform them of my non-resistance, I raised my hands next to my face.
This time I stood up slowly as to not bump my head into anything.

By now I've gotten used to the dimension-crossing Star Tours, and I can deal with being landed in the most embarrassing situations. But this is just too much.
A smelly sewer inhabited by rats and bats, this is the worst ever. Like a lost child, I know that it's safest not to wander away from the landing point and to wait for people to come and find me. However, in an unbearable environment like this, I can't just stay put and wait.

Because there's definitely some kind of gas leaking here.
Dunno if it's methane or butane, but if someone was to light a match here, the manhole cover will fly off... or rather, would be blasted away.
Nope, I can't even think of jokes to cheer myself on.
This is really serious.

In order to make my escape quick, I began to move forward little by little.
Unless I want to join the ranks of rats and bats, I need to calculate my moves carefully.
Darn, if Doraemon was here right now, he'd gladly have his ears bitten instead of mine. (6)

(6) Doraemon is the cat-looking robot from a manga of the same name. It is said that he lost his ears when a mouse bit them off.

"Help me Muraemon~~ (7) .... Wait, where's Murata?!!"

(7) Murata+Doraemon.

Even though they were with me at the moment of Star Tours, I know from experience that the principle - school master - vice principle trio haven’t been dragged over to this world.
The everyday bystander is not to be involved - that is the rule of Star Tours.
But Murata Ken's different. He is definitely an involved party.
Hell, his association with this world runs far deeper than my own.

He was flung along the last time, so there's a chance he was swallowed up by the whirlpool too. If he is out there cold, I can't leave him behind.
But it was still too dark. In this darkness, there was no other way but to feel him out with my hands and feet.

"Murata... you there? Answer me if you are!
Yes, if you're here; no, if you're not~"

"Heee~~ hiii~~"

I heard a weird moaning sound coming from somewhere near my feet.

"Wa- was that a 'yes', or a 'no? Make your answer cleaar!!"

"Hiii~~ hee~~"

I can't tell whether you're there or not, from just 'hiii~~hee~~'.

"Well, I guess that's closer to a 'no'. I'll take it that you're not here and move on, okay?"

.......is not what I should do as a decent human being.

"Hii~~ hee~~"

The answer sounded more like rasping breath than an actual voice. Maybe the gas had done something to his throat.
Moving my right foot forward a bit, my toes came into contact with something warm. I picked it up using my thumb and index finger - it was sleek, no, very slippery to the touch.

Keeping distance from the red eyes encircling me, I searched with my hands.

Legs.
Two human legs bent like scythe.

"Murata?!!! Why did you take off your pants?"

Last I saw you, you still had your uniform on...
Right, this isn't the time for this.
First we have to get out from this hellhole of a sewer somehow.

Because it was so dark that I couldn't tell where his head was, I pulled him up by the ankles. Dragging him onto my back, I began to pave through the darkness, careful not to agitate the small guys who were declaring their presence by the blinking of red eyes.
I prayed for the white light far ahead to be our escape.
O the fragrant and benevolent god of the sewers, give us light!!!

Finally, with the sound of flowing water, the white spot gradually grew bigger.
The air around me became fresh, and the breeze was warm from the sunlight.
From a distance I heard the voices of people. They were calling my name.
A clear ringing voice of a boy, and a ghastly shriek that ruined the naturally beautiful voice.

"Where are you Yuuri!!!"

"Your Majest-------y!! Your Majesty, where are you----!!! I, von Kleist Gunter, will run to your side this instant------!! Aah, I remember, the first time I saw Your Majesty was at a village near the borders. Ever since that day I have been your captive, and my heart, like that of a 70 years old maiden, has nurtured reverence for Your Majesty…"

"Shut up Gunter, don't go babbling about yourself!!!!"

This natural gag comedy duo is Wolfram and Gunter.
I felt the weight lifted off my shoulders, and my footsteps got lighter.

The brick-built sewer ended here, the grey sewage-water spilling into a small river. There was a small embankment, next to which a lake was sparkling in the sunlight. Nearby there were several benches and boats. So it seemed to be a park of some kind.

Which is to say this is Shinmakoku Sewage Park?

The stench is too awful for it to be a picnic spot.
But, that makes it safe to have fried dumplings for lunch. (8)

(8) Apparently, Japanese fried dumplings smell of garlic, which gives you bad breath.

"I’m here--!!!"

I walked into the sunlight and shouted to them who were standing below me.

The overprotective tutor and self-proclaimed fiancée both turned their heads at my shout.
One was examining the swan boat while the other was ransacking through the contents of a waste bin. They were, in their own ways, doing their bests to locate me.
I take offence at their choice of search spots though.

“Am I a trash of some kind or something….”

“Yuuri!”

“Your Majesty!”

Familiar face, familiar voice; the two came running towards me.
Lord von Bielefeld Wolfram’s golden locks were shining under the sunlight. His emerald green eyes reminiscent of a lake, are trained on me. From the half open lips, I can almost hear the words ‘Welcome back’.

Ahh, I’ve finally come back. According to Earth time I’ve only been away for 2 months, but I’ve really missed this place.

“I’m back Gunter, Wolfram….”

“You’re late bimp!!!”

Wait a sec.
Just now instead of ‘Welcome’, did you say wimp?
Not only that but, you mispronounced it, didn’t you?
The tension broke with an almost audible snap, and the energy drained out of my body.

“…is that how you greet someone who’s just returned? Thankfully, Murata here on my back is also… yikes! Sorry Murata, I dropped you!!”

The load on my back fell to my feet, creating an elaborate splash of sewage-water.
Lord von Kleist pointed behind me excitedly and exclaimed.

“What rare occurrence! A Mer-princess!”

‘Scuse me?
Since when was it that my friend came to be called a ‘princess’?
Dumbfounded, I looked down and saw that the thing rolling in the shallow stream of water was not human, but a tuna with human legs. It was beating the water with its tail-fin.
Very fresh.
On the place of a head is a fish-face, complete with gills.

“Uwah!! Muraken, what happened to you?!!!! Legs!!! There’re legs on this fish!!!”

“Your Majesty, that is because she is a Mer-princess, an aristocrat of the ocean. 
Of course in this case, ‘princess’ doesn’t refer to her birth; all the males are called ‘king’ and the females ‘princess.’ They are loyal subjects of Shin Makoku and to Your Majesty, so you need not worry yourself over having called them ‘fish.’”

I sincerely apologize for mistaking you for a tuna.

“Mer-princess instead of Mermaid…. Eh? How’d you know she’s a princess?”

“That is simple, she has beautiful legs. As Your /highness can see, no leg hair.”

Said the tutor, proudly.

“Hmph, Yuuri, you sure are a wimp. How can you not know the proper way to hold a Mer-princess? Watch, this is how a gentleman should hold a lady.”

With those words, what Wolfram demonstrated was the ‘take a photo with your catch’ pose.
If you call that romantic, all the fishers who’ve caught big catches would qualify as certified gentlemen.

I entered the back gates of the castle still drenched in sewage; even the horse was turning its head away from me. 
That I’d appeared in the sewer was top-secret, so there were no soldiers making fuss over my arrival. Though it’d been a while, Blood Pledge Castle was as majestic as always, and I could almost hear the imaginary orchestra playing music in the background.

“Yuuri!!! Yuuri, I missed you!!!”

“Greta!!! I missed you too my cute angel!!!… eh?”

I squatted down and waited to embrace the small brightly smiling figure running towards me.

“Yuu…. stinks!!!”

The lovely girl halted midway and pinching her nose, took one step backwards.
Daughters sure are merciless.

“What happened Yuuri?!! It’s like your body’s rotting away.”

“I’m not decomposing.”

The girl with sun-tanned wheat-colour skin and wavy reddish-brown hair relaxed her creased brows, and hugged me.

“But I still like you anyhow!!!”

“Oof.”

I was taken aback by her enthusiasm and fell on my backside, hitting a bone. Yet it didn’t hurt. What’s a bone or two, so as long as my darling daughter loves me?

“Eeeh, you really stink. Even so, it’s okay! Bad smell is nothing against love. Greta’s love won’t change even if Yuuri rots away and becomes a zombie!!!”

“But I’m not rotting!!!”

“No, but really.”

This girl from foreign lands, who’d become my adopted daughter through certain circumstances, pressed her head to my clothes, not the least bothered with her hair getting wet.

“….I was worried. You disappeared into thin air. I... I thought I’d never see you again… like mother… and Greta would be all alone.”

Her delicate shoulders were shaking.
Oh the treachery!
Making a child cry!
Shibuya Yuuri Idiot Harajuku Fuuri, you worthless person!!!
Say you’re sorry, get down on your knees and apologise to Greta!

I wrapped my arms around the warm body, and held her tight.

“I’m sorry Greta, it’s all my fault. Never again will I do such a dange…”

I halted, swallowing the half formed words.
Could I honestly promise her that I wouldn’t be reckless in the future, even when facing a decision of great consequences?
Greta must have sensed my hesitation, and she did her best to put on a bright smile.

“I don’t believe you---. You say that, but Yuuri’s going to disappear again. It’s okay, Greta’s gotten used to it. I don’t fret over it too much anymore.”

“I really, really am sorry.”

“It’s fine. Yuuri being safe is enough for me. Even if you scare me by disappearing, it’s okay as long as you come back.”

“Yeah.”

“But, still I think that...”

Out of nowhere, she lowered her tone and whispered.

“….that I don’t want to let go of you tonight.”

“Whaaattt----!!!!???!!”

Who- Who taught Greta such an indecent thing to say!!!!!
I think the shock just blew a hole in my chest.
Coughing vehemently, I apologized.
You meant ‘this time’, not ‘tonight’ right? Right?

*Cough* “G- Greta…. I’m sorry for worrying you, but….”

“But Father, we‘ve promised to leave those words unspoken - thus Greta cannot but cry herself to sleep.”

Unsettled, I looked upwards, and noticed the third son raising his thumb.

“Wolf!!! Is this your doing?!! There’s nothing ‘Nice’ about this!!!!”

“Nope, this is a signal for ‘once more.’ However cold a king may be, such words from his beloved daughter must surely be enough to persuade him to scatter his bones in this country.” (9)

Is scattering bones the norm in Shin Makoku? (9)

(9) The expression, ’to bury one’s bones (somewhere)’ has the meaning that the person is permanently settling down in that place of choice. The Shin Makoku counterpart to this expression seems to be ‘scattering’ instead of ‘burying’.

Accompanied by hurried footsteps, a tall man stepped into the room. The baritone spoke out tersely when he noticed me lying on the floor with Greta attached to me.

“I see you’ve arrived.”

“Gwendal.”

Thank to the pervasive stench he seemed to have caught on, but instead of pinching his nose or holding his breath, he simply added another wrinkle to his brow, his expression unchanging. He was probably used to this sort of smell, from undergoing certain experiments.
Indeed, a man like him who presides over others would be in a league of his own.
From his mouth came the words of rationality as usual.

“Wat habbend, diz sdench.”

Wha-, you- you stopped breathing with your nose.
Even I’m a little hurt, when greeted with such avoidance.. And I’m supposedly dense.

“Oh Your Highness, do not make such a distressed face. The stench of sewage is nothing! As an evidence, I, Gunter am perfectly fine.”

“….. You, you have a nose bleed.”

The bleeding is a far greater threat to you, than my sewage smell.

“You guys have issues with coordination, I tell you…
It’s not that I mind being called back - after all, I am the King, ain’t I?
Just that, could you fix that wormhole to someplace permanently? I’d really like to land in a more normal and safe spot you know!!!”

“Sowy abowt det yor eighess.”

Gwendal mumbled, looking not in the least apologetic.

There’s always a depth to Gwendal’s ‘Your Highness.’
Even when it’s spoken in a nasal voice.

The eldest of the ‘in fact-quite-alike’ Mazoku Three Brothers does not have complete faith in me. I don’t think he’d try to get rid of me, but unlike his two younger brothers and the zealous tutor, he never shows me reverence as one would to a king.

Well, it’s not that I want to be treated like royalty with etiquette and all that stuff. 
But, I do wish he’d trust me a little more.

To you, I might still be nothing more than a simpleton, easy to control and just as easy to replace. 
Yet now, having lost a trustworthy ally, I need the trust of everyone on my side.
Though for sure I’d get harsh comments on just how immature that line of thought is.

That was why I was startled when he took my right hand into his, bowing his head.
Sir Gwendal von Voltaire spoke up, his face solemn and devoid of ridicule.

“I had not the opportunity in Caloria, so let me express my relief and gladness on your safe return. And of the incident concerning Sir Weller… I ask for your forgiveness in place of my foolish brother.
I am prepared to accept whatever punishment you bestow.”

“…Er…”

Even more than me, it was the youngest brother, Wolfram, who’d gone all white and freaked out as if he was about to scream, ‘What has happened to you, Gwen!’
No wonder. That, just now, was a statement of apology. A bit high-handed, but still, him asking for forgiveness from a wimp like me was unexpected, given how he is normally.

The one feeling at unease is, however, me - the one who was being apologized to. 
It’s not like I have any intention of putting the blame on the eldest, being pressed for judgment.

I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I ended up giving my thoughts on the situation.

“It’s tough being the eldest, huh.”

Gwendal quirked his eyebrow and let go of my hand, expression odd.
His voice low and shrewd as always.

“What I wish to request is a temporary moratorium. The crimes of Conrart, who has fled to enemy lands disregarding his duty to protect the king, and of myself, having been unable to prevent this from happening, are severe. I understand that no half-done punishment would appease your anger.”

“Wait, I never said anything about you being responsib…”

“However, currently our country is in a diplomatic crisis. We have called for you because of this emergency. It is not that I wish to delay the verdict, but the matter of the country is urgent…”

“Now hold on!!! Listen to me Gwen!!! I told you, I don’t think any of this is your fault. I wasn’t even thinking about punishing you. As for Conrad…”

I spoke the name, as if swallowing something especially bitter.

“Whichever country he goes to, whatever he does… that’s his own choice. If he is intent on changing jobs, that’s just that. I don’t have any right to stop him. Eh, that is to say, freedom of occupation? I’m saying the right thing, right? Right?”

Like freedom of academia or freedom of religion or Lady Freedom (Statue of Liberty).
I racked my limited vocabulary in search for a suitable word.

Lord von Voltaire attempted to speak, but I cut into his words and continued.

“In fact, I’m the one who should be apologising. In Caloria… in Shimaron too, I’m sorry for acting on my own accord. You’re angry… no, you’re probably very mad--… but I had no choice. There was no other way. I know, I know, it was dangerous and thoughtless and all that. What you say is right. I’m sorry!! I’ll sit through your lecturing!!”

“I already got the scolding.”

Wolfram put his hands up in exasperation. His brow was creased in the exact same place as his brother’s.

“The incident in Caloria was my and Grier’s fault for not stopping you. Don’t bring it up anymore. I do not want to remember it.”

I imagined the last-born son being reprimanded in mid-low stereo tone, caught between two tall men. I couldn’t help but laugh a little, despite the direness of the situation.

“And, for making you send out a rescue team… that… I didn’t think it’d become such a big mess. You had to spend a lot of money, right? How much does it cost to get a helicopter?
Making you send out a boat… Uwahh just how much tax have I wasted? I’m really sorry. I’m such an amoeba.”

“Oh, no, Your Majesty----,” wailed Gunter.
He must have been so angry that he couldn’t find his words; the handsome guy stood silently with his mouth still open.
Because of my obstinacy, a hideous portion of the national budget seemed to have gone to waste. I guessed my head-bowing apology was nowhere near sufficient.

“…. but thanks for coming for me….
By the way, I’m kinda late in asking, but, what happened to that nasty box?”

On cue to the question, everyone raised their heads and the atmosphere changed in an instant.

While barely escaping from Big Shimaron, we managed to swap the ‘box’ with a fake one and had the real one brought back with us.

In this world there are four things that should never be touched.
One of them, was the box we had taken, ‘The End of the Wind.’
Traveling through Caloria it was definitely in our possession, but for me who was Star Tour-ed away in the ship’s kitchen, the box’s final whereabouts was still a mystery.

Lord von Voltaire reverted to his usual solemn expression, his tone also returning to the usual commandeering one. Seeing him acting his usual self was quite reassuring.

“We are holding an important meeting concerning the matter. A round table meeting; and Your Majesty’s presence is required. However you probably do not wish to present yourself in your current condition. Hurry up and wash yourself!!! Make use of this stench remover ‘Not-stinky-anymore-kun’ Anissina left behind.”

“Not-stinky-anymore-kun?!!!”

That name surely sounded dangerous, but I could feel the love in the attached suffix ‘-kun’.
Pushing me into the bath, the eldest brother muttered in a tortured voice.

“The talks are already on the roll.”