Log Horizon - Volume 8 - Chapter 4.7

7 
Abruptly, interrupting their conversation with Roe2, a lump of heat appeared. 
It was Burned Stake, one of the Odysseia Knights’ attack spells. Even through a layer of air, the high heat became pressure and bore down on its prey, dashing the wyvern it targeted out of the sky. Pebbles and dust mingled with the hot air, and Touya shielded his eyes with his left arm. When he looked over, Minori, Roe2, and Serara were protected by the faint gleam of barrier spells. That was enough to satisfy Touya, and he released a sharp flash from his right arm. 
He’d activated Izuna Cutter without a weapon, and it became a whirlwind, ripping apart the area in front of him and clearing his field of vision. Then he saw the Odysseia Knights retreating toward them en masse and the flock of wyverns. 
“What are they doing?!” 
The words were almost a yell, and they came out involuntarily. 
In order to keep the damage to the town to a minimum, they had to keep moving forward as they fought. Hadn’t the Odysseia Knights moved away from the town to fight because they knew that? Until just a moment ago, both sides had been evenly matched. Although the Wyverns were large in number, they were all around level 50, and so even without the Knights’ disturbing suicide attacks, the wyverns and the level-90 Adventurers had been keeping each other in check. It had looked like a battle of attrition, and for that very reason, Touya and the others had watched, white-knuckled, with the town at their backs. 
However, in the moment they’d been distracted by Minori and Roe2’s conversation, that balance had crumbled easily. 
The wyverns glided low, slicing through the wind with the moaning sound unique to living creatures, one never heard with airplanes or helicopters. Touya drew his weapon and slashed at one in the same movement, intercepting with Helm Splitter, but the blade only slid over the tough hide. 
The wyvern’s level might be far below the Odysseia Knights, but it matched Touya’s, and on top of that, it was a party-rank monster. It wasn’t an opponent he could defeat with one attack. That said, the fighting was too confused for him to gather aggro. 
“Ruuuun!!” 
Beyond Touya, who screamed fit to burst his throat, a steel dragon slammed into the base of a ruined building like an enormous throwing axe. The whole building shook with the impact, leaning like an ancient tree. 
If People of the Earth had been hiding in that building, there had definitely been casualties. In fact, People of the Earth had burst out of the surrounding buildings, their eyes wide with terror. They’d realized that this area was no longer safe. It wasn’t clear whether anyone had been hiding in the building, which was beginning to crumble, but there were definitely still People of the Earth in the area. 
“Touya, over there!” 
Serara was pointing at a black shadow. A Nightshade Servant. Touya had no idea what they were doing here, right in the middle of combat, but that wasn’t the important part. What was important was that the thing several Nightshade Servants were lifting up, then slamming into the ground, was Boreas’ Moving Temple. 
It was clear that they had been the ones who’d broken the Odysseia Knights’ battle lines. However, on the other hand, the Nightshade Servants were attacking the wyverns as well. Although their movements conveyed intelligence, their actions were filled with the intent to plunge the battlefield into further chaos. 
“Erg! I’m going!” 
“Oh! Touya?! Ah, wa-wait! I’m going, too! Wolfie!” 
Touya, who’d broken into a run, put on a burst of speed. 
Lone Dash was a Samurai special skill that greatly increased Touya’s movement speed for a brief time. Ordinarily, the skill was adjusted to suit the support spells provided by the rear guard. When combined with Electric Flash, it was possible to leave any companions far behind. However, Touya flung away even that hesitation and charged at the Nightshade Servants. 
In the midst of concentration so fierce it narrowed his field of vision, he used Floating Boat Crossing, leaving the whistle of the wind behind him. Soujirou wouldn’t teach him attack skills, but he’d been almost obsessive about drumming the walking method into him. Lowering his body using this method, he remembered the attitude Naotsugu had taught him: Get a good look at the enemy’s positions, then seize a place for yourself right in the center. 
Twisting his body through slight openings, he ran as though he was skimming the ground, vigorously cutting loose with his katana. He swung Whirlwind Cutter like a cyclone, sending the Nightshade Servants flying. 
“Touya!” 
With a cry that was almost a scream, Serara ran up to Touya and cast Pulse Recovery on him, even though she was still out of breath. As his scrapes faded, Touya glared at the Nightshade Servants with blazing eyes. 
The Moving Temple at his feet was probably unusable. 
It was emitting a sound like a low moan, and from time to time it ejected gouts of crackling lightning. It was obvious that mana was leaking from the destroyed parts. 
From what Touya had seen, the Odysseia Knights had been guarding three or four Moving Temples. That meant they wouldn’t be wiped out immediately just because this one had been destroyed, and they probably even had spares. 
However, even so, there was no doubt that these Moving Temples were vital points for the Odysseia Knights. The Nightshade Servants were edging back, as if they were keeping wary eyes on Touya’s gaze. Their movements were strangely human, and it was creepy. Touya felt malice in them, a spiteful intent to throw the battlefield into confusion. 
…But those Nightshade Servants were shattered by a single, enormous attack that plowed into them from the side. Without even taking proper aim, a maul that was over two meters long and looked a bit like an industrial tool had pulverized the group. The Adventurer who held it was swaying on his feet, and tarry-red blood leaked from the gaps in his armor. 
The armored Adventurer probably held an important position among the Odysseia Knights. Touya swallowed hard at the sight of the level-90 destruction that had been inflicted right in front of him. He’d known an attack at that level was strong, but its power was insane. The circular dent in the ground seemed more like the result of an impact from construction machinery than a person. 
Touya watched the knight with wary awe. However, the other man ignored Touya, or rather, he didn’t even see him. Turning toward the wide avenue on unsteady feet, the man shouted: 
“From this point on, we move the battle into the town!!” 
Behind him, he knew Serara had gulped at those terrifying words. 
“Nightshade Servants have appeared! Kill them all! As long as we keep the wyverns earthbound, they’re just targets. Lure them into the buildings and kill them! Kill them all, don’t let a single one escape! Kill, kill, and die!” 
A wordless answer went up from the knights. 
At the arrogance of it all, something inside Touya finally snapped. 
The roiling emotion he’d kept shut inside ever since they crossed the Boxroot Pass burst forth, overflowing, raging with a force he couldn’t control. 
“Touya?!” 
He’d struck the knight’s armor with his fist. His fist shuddered and ached. 
He didn’t care; he hit him again. 
As he’d expected, hitting the heavy metal armor was like punching a dump truck. He wasn’t sure whether the other guy had even noticed. 
“Hey!” 
However, as Touya struck, he also yelled. Compared to this giant, imposing man, his own arms and legs seemed as skinny as disposable chopsticks, but he didn’t stop. 
“Hey!” 
He’d gotten worked up, and he couldn’t control his cracked voice. As he struck him over and over, his fists split and bled, but were healed by the dancing light of Pulse Recovery. 
“Hey!!” 
On the third yell, the Adventurer stirred slightly, as if he’d finally noticed him. Touya felt it, even though, due to the helmet, he couldn’t tell where he was looking. 
“Why? Why are you doing stuff like that?! Why…? They’re all gonna—why are you like that?! The Nightshade Servants, and the wyverns, and the Odysseia Knights!” 
The feelings were too strong; they burst inside him, and he couldn’t turn them into words. 
In response to the pain, Touya squeezed his weaponless left hand into a fist near his chest. It was a gesture he’d repeated over and over again in his wheelchair. However, this wasn’t like before, when he’d stared at the ground. Touya didn’t even spare a glance for the pain. Instead, he lifted his head and glared at the knight. 
“Why are you doing crap like this?! People live here!” 
“We don’t live here.” 

It was a curt response. 
The words made him so mad he thought he might go crazy. 
“That’s not what I meant! Why are you so… There’s gotta be some other way, right, brother? Another way to fight, a better way—” 
“Kids should mind their own business.” 
“Why are you doing that? It’s basically suicide! You know you guys could do better…” 
In the end, that was what it was: 
What Touya had felt had been unfairness. 
These people had to be able to fight some other way. There had to be another way to do it. 
The Odysseia Knights were level 90, and adults. If they were adults, shouldn’t they be able to do better than this? Even in a hell where Touya, who was just a kid, could only grit his teeth, they ought to be able to do something. 
He’d had to be quiet and obedient to avoid causing trouble for his family. He’d learned to clown around so that they wouldn’t worry about him. All the time, at any time. No wonder he’d been caught by Hamelin. He’d been doing as he was told in order not to cause trouble for adults, so it was almost as if he’d intentionally let them trick him. It was all Touya’s fault for being a kid. Because he was a kid, because he was weak, his wishes slipped through his fingers. Or rather, he wasn’t even allowed to wish in the first place. 
The rage at this unfairness, the stuff he’d always held in check, roiled up. Touya had cursed himself for being a child for a very long time. Adults were able to determine their own lives, and yet… 
He hated being treated like a kid. He couldn’t allow it. 
He remembered Dariella’s white fingertips with a twinge. 
The soft sensation as they’d combed his bangs off his forehead. 
The fist he used to strike this knight was an extension of that past. It was true that Touya was a kid. However, if this Adventurer was going to call him “a kid,” shouldn’t he show him something else? If he was a proper adult, he should have shown Touya the answer Touya wasn’t able to find. 
If he didn’t, Touya’s heart would break. 
“It’s none of your business.” 
“That’s not what I’m saying!” 
He lashed out at the man, letting the anger inside him take control, but the man stopped his fist with his iron gauntlet, then squeezed it hard. Touya wouldn’t budge, and the man leaned forward a little, speaking to him in tones that seemed to be cursing him. 
“It’s not suicide. Nobody dies in this world. That means there’s no such thing as suicide. We want to go back—we’re going home. If we die, we get to see our families. Did you know that? If you die, you get to see just a little bit of our old world. You get to dream about that world. That place has to be connected to it.” 
It was like a voice that blew from a long-term care ward at night. 
A voice reminiscent of the dim blue light late at night in a ward that held patients who would be in the hospital for a long time, a ward that almost never got visitors. A voice that had nowhere to go. 
Touya had been burning with anger, but at the sound of that voice, he felt terror, as if he’d had icy water dashed over him. 
“Listen. I was supposed to get married in summer. Once that happened, I was planning to quit this game. I even went to a condo exhibition. I’m going to have a wife. I can’t keep messing around with this kid stuff. I’m going home.”  

The man matched the angle of his helmet to Touya’s face, as if he were peering into it. 
However, Touya sensed that the man’s eyes weren’t looking at him; that they weren’t actually seeing anything at all. The knight in front of him wasn’t seeing this world anymore. 
“Next time the rent renews, I’m moving. My girl’s kind of a pain; she wants to move out of her parents’ house, and she keeps griping to me about it every day. I have to get hitched soon and bring her over to my place. She’s high-strung, so I’ve gotta take care of her. Over there. See? Even you hate this farce, right?” 
If Touya said he didn’t want to go back, he would have been lying. 
But it wasn’t that he wasn’t toughing it out. 
Still, Touya knew: There were some words that shouldn’t be said. He might be a kid, but he was a guy. There were words guys just had to swallow. Once, those words had been, “I want to play soccer.” Touya had gotten used to swallowing them. Life was much better if everyone was smiling. 
Why didn’t this guy understand that? 
His raging emotions overflowed. Tears poured over his cheeks. 
“The world is always the real thing. There are tons of people who are living like it’s important!” Touya howled. 
As he spit out the words, the idea that this was all he could say made him feel hopeless. 
“Quit spouting crap. There’s no way in hell this world is the real thing. Like there’s any reality where you don’t die even if you die? If you die, you have to actually be dead. If you die and stuff doesn’t go quiet, it’s a game. Because people like you don’t die, because you let ’em call you ‘Adventurers’ and butter you up and then live on and on and on—because you people won’t die, we can’t get out of this world.” 
“That’s not true. I don’t know what you guys think, but this world is—” 
There was something he wanted to say. 
The young knight was wrong. 
He wanted to scream, Is whether we die or not really that important?! 
He wanted to ask the guy if he’d ever died in the old world. Of course he hadn’t; there was no way he had. If he’d died, he wouldn’t have been playing Elder Tales. He wanted to yell, Who decided that if you die it’s real and if you don’t die it’s a game? 
Touya remembered getting hit and sent flying like something out of a cartoon, and the way the asphalt had shredded him like grated radish. He’d seen for himself that his bones were white. Not only that, he’d seen his trapped pelvis tilted at a weird angle. 
Touya had seen death. It meant “the end.” The driver who’d hit Touya had passed away in the next bed over in the ICU. After a long, painful stretch of rehab, Touya had recovered enough to live in a wheelchair, but the driver hadn’t made it through the night of the crash. 
The university hospital where Touya had been was almost like the netherworld. 
Late at night, through a painkiller-induced haze, the hospital ward had looked as still as the grave. Someone died practically every day, and speechless patients were carried in. The nurses were all kind in a professional way, but none of them said much. Touya’s attending physician was an individual whose gloomy expression seemed stiff, as if it had been pasted on. From what Touya knew, hospitals were entrances to the next world, and the people who lived there were beings halfway between the dead and the living. 
…And so Touya knew death. 
After all, for a little while, he hadn’t been alive. 
That was why he wanted to tell this guy that this was the wrong way to resolve things. 
If he wanted to get back to the old world where death had been, if he was seriously thinking about death, then he really shouldn’t do anything suicidal. He shouldn’t be able to fight a battle in which all the People of the Earth might die. He wanted to scream that at him. 
But Touya couldn’t voice a single word of those feelings. 
He’d glimpsed the young man’s dull eyes through his helmet, and he recognized them. They looked like Touya’s when he’d been told he’d never walk again. They weren’t the eyes of the living. 
“If you’ve got a problem, report it to the admins. At worst, I’ll get banned. And if you don’t, you go die, too.” 
Shoved away, Touya looked up at the world from a pile of rubble. 
The battle around him was growing fiercer every moment, and the world of death was expanding.