Arita unconsciously paid closer attention when he heard the name "Hirose". The source of the conversation was a newbie who had just joined the office workers this year. He was a easy-going man who only knew how to talk well and think quickly to get out of his problems. Arita didn't dislike him, but he avoided his type. After they succeeded in a rather big event, both field workers and office workers were finished with all their work. It had been 2 weeks since he had called Hirose and warned him. He didn't feel the repellent gaze upon him anymore, but the incident left a scar in Arita's heart. He would've been creeped out if Hirose came and sat next to him today, too, but Hirose didn't show up at the small bar they rented out.
[Even today, Hirose-san didn't come because he said he had some work left. He's so rigid~. He could just do it tomorrow, you know.]
The newbie was facing Arita across a long table at the party. He was pretty drunk, and he took advantage of the chaotic atmosphere to wrap his arm around a girl's shoulders while he rambled on.
[He'd politely teach me if I ask him something, and he'd even humble himself to someone like me. I think he's a good person, but to the point of making him look retarded. I know he works really hard, but he's mad slow. He's always 『Hey, Mr. Turtle』mode. He'd do the extra work until almost ten. I'd never be able to keep up with that.]
I know, the girl sitting next to him giggled. The more he listened, the more irritated Arita became. It wasn't that he was standing up for him, but he couldn't stand to listen to some no-good newbie babbbling whatever he wanted about Hirose who worked so diligently. Arita emptied alcohol contained in a tiny China cup.
[I'm the one who trained Hirose, but from the beginning his work sense was pretty good. Compared to other three, he never made mistakes in his documents, nor did he ever mistype anything.]
[Oh, Team Leader, were you listening? How mean~]
The newbie seemed to realize the intentional thorn hidden in his words. He gave a troubled laugh while he glanced up at Arita sideways.
[I wasn't particularly bad-mouthing Hirose-san. Please don't tell on him.]
If that's not bad-mouthing, what the hell is that. He seemed to notice that Arita's cup was empty since he quickly picked up the bottle and poured out his drink. Arita's colleague sitting nearby started talking to him, so while he was engaged in conversation with him, others seemed to have returned to talking about Hirose because he occasionally heard his name.
[He might lack some excitement as a date, but a person like Hirose-san is great to get married to.]
[What? How come?] The newbie asked, surprised. The girl placed her index finger against her lips briefly.
[Because he's really sweet. He won't cheat on you, and he's hard-working. He's probably really good to his woman.]
The newbie slightly wrinked his brows.
[But won't he be boring as a man?] He ironically asked, and the girl meaningfully smiled.
[Hirose-san said his hobby his photography.]
[You mean those weird ones-?]
At the newbie's condescending tone, the girl lifted up her eyebrows angrily.
[He said they're scenaric photographs. Whenever he has a break, he said he'd drive by himself to mountains or sea and take pictures as a hobby. That's really cool.]
Was his hobby photography... I think I heard about that before. Arita cocked his head, sipping at his drink that had completely cooled.
[Oh!]
His colleague turned to look at him.
[What is it, Arita.]
[No, nothing.]
He suddenly remembered. When Hirose was still a newbie... There was a time when he was helping him out with the extra work. It was at the end of June, and depressing rain showers continued. Every day work ended past 11, and even weekends were filled with seminars and left-over work. They returned home only to sleep. Hirose never whined about anything before, but in front of Arita, Hirose said complaints that were atypical of him. Hirose's profile looked wane as he sighed over the keyboard. He seemed really tired.
[This is the hardest part of your career. There's nothing you can do.]
As he comforted the crest-fallen newbie and taught him work, Arita sympathized deep in his heart. This was the hardest period for a newly accepted workers. Arita had that experience, too. In Arita's case, he had been so stressed out that he developed ulceers in addition, but...
Hirose sighed while drinking the coffee that Arita handed to him.
[I became sick and tired of just going back and forth between work and home every single day. I'd like to drive my car to relieve my stress, but I have absolutely no time to do so. It's June right now, so Kurono's mums should be a sight by now.]
[Kurono should be pretty far away. Doesn't it take four hours by car?]
When Arita asked that, Hirose tilted his head.
[That's true, but if there is no traffic, you can get there by three. Last year I went to see them with my college friends, but it was raining that day so I had so much trouble making sure my camera stayed dry.]
[Camera?]
[I was in the Photography Club back in college.]
[Oh... So you take nude pictures and stuff?]
Hirose laughed at Arita's question.
[Depending on the person, their subject is different. There WAS one who specialized in female nudes, but I liked scenary photographs. Usually I went to the mountains or rivers and took pictures of only those.]
[...I used to camp out a lot, too, but recently I haven't been to anywhere at all.]
[Why don't we go somewhere together when we have some time off? Mihirodake or something.]
Hirose gently smiled at Arita.
[Sounds great. We should go.]
He lightly said 『Let's go』, but it wasn't like he specifically thought about where to go with Hirose. He just answered 『Let's go』 because that seemed like the right thing to answer in that atmosphere. That's where the conversation ended, and Hirose didn't ask him again, and Arita totally forgot about that conversation. If they didn't bring this topic up, he wouldn't have even remembered. Arita bitterly smiled, thinking that Hirose's plans did bring some effect. Arita definitely started to pay more attention to Hirose than before. Even though the feelings were completely different from "attraction"...
It was only for a brief period that they could relax because the event ended. Not even a week passed before they became busy with end-of-the month summaries, so November passed by in a chaos. Recently the Sun started to set quickly, so as soon as 5 PM passed when all works were due, outside started to darken. After six it became completely dark. Arita realized this one day when he returned to the office. He noticed show windows on the streets that were decorated with red and green all of a sudden. It has been one month since he had talked to Hirose at the conference room. After that, they have never spoken to each other. Arita was avoiding Hirose as much as he could without making things awkward, and Hirose didn't approach or talk to Arita needlessly. Calling him up and talking to him had quite an effect, as he didn't bother him with burdensome gazes, either. At the first weekend of December, when trains became most clogged because of rush hour, Arita sighed for umpteenth time as he stamped the presented document. When he handed the document over, the female worker who received it worriedly glanced at Arita's face.
[Aren't you overworking yourself, sir?]
Arita wondered if his face looked so tired that even others would worry about him, and lightly hit his cheeks with ends of his hands.
[It's been so busy lately. But I'm okay. It's not a big deal.]
That kind of faking-strength did not seem to convince her, since the female worker didn't budge from Arita's desk.
[It's been concerning me since this morning, but Team Leader, you look so pale. Shouldn't you better go back home for today?]
It's been already two hours since work hours were over. The remaining workers could be counted on one hand. Come to think of it, the work he was doing now could wait until Monday. Arita bitterly smiled and placed the remaining documents in his desk drawer. The watching female worker sighed, looking relieved.
[I'm sorry for worrying you. The end-of-the-month things to tie up and playing golf and drinking with clients during the weekends left no time for me to rest at all.]
[Must be hard for you.]
[I have to go towards Hikago area tomorrow as well...]
The female worker frowned a little.
[Clients again?]
[Oh no, it's a personal business. Recently my uncle's health had worsened.... He's only in his fifties, but I think his time is near. I was going to go visit him at the hospital tomorrow, but my car's going through an inspection and I couldn't manage to borrow a car. Just thinking about being shaken up in a train for three, four hours, going back and forth, makes me heavy-hearted.]
The girl seems to come to herself when she heard the short chime indicating that it was half past seven, and she stated 『Don't push yourself』 before she returned to her seat. He had no intention of complaining to someone else, but he said such useless things. He was probably psychologically weakened because he was so tired. Arita quickly gathered up his things and said good-byes to the remaining workers before he hurriedly left the office. When the elevator arrived at the ground floor and he reached the automatic gates at the company building's entrance, Arita naturally stopped. The streets were faintly lit with street lights. The leaves of the trees lining the streets widely shook. Passing woman's long hair wildly blew in the wind. He thought about having to walk to the station in this fierce wind and taking the crowded train, tossed here and there. Just thinking about it made him sick. When he made up his mind and took a step forward, someone called his name. The automatic door swung wide open, and then quickly closed. The brown leaf that flew in when the door opened made crackling noises by Arita's foot. Hirose was inputting data in front of his keyboard until the moment Arita was leaving the office. Hirose walked towards Arita, holding onto his coat with one hand. His shoulders shook as he took deep breaths.
[I heard what you were talking about before. Tomorrow... You're going to Hikago, right? I was about to take some photos at Matsune Mountain at Hikago. If it's okay with you, why don't we go together? I shall drive.]
If this wasn't Hirose--or rather, even if it was Hirose, if it was before the confession he would have gladly accepted. But... Arita didn't say anything for few moments and quietly looked at his kouhai's face. Outside the sound of blustery wind could be heard, but in the dimly lit entrance where only two of them stood, silence settled like a water about to overflow.
[Did you even look at the weather forecast for tomorrow? It's going to rain.]
At Arita's words, Hirose tightly closed his lips. He loudly sighed, as if he purposedly wanted him to hear it.
[Why the hell do you think I'm going all the way to Hikago.]
[I heard... it was to visit your relative at the hospital.]
[Yes, I'm going to visit someone who's going to die soon. I'm different from someone like you, who's just going to go there and have fun.]
His tone was mean. He knew that Hirose was using photography as an excuse because he wanted to give him a ride, but he wasn't going to let him get away with it. Not to mention, Arita was so dreadfully tired that he didn't have the presence of mind to refuse Hirose in a considerate manner.
[Can you be more thoughtful now?]
Hirose lowered his pale face. No, he might have just looked that way because it was semi-darkness.
[...I'm sorry for overstepping my boundaries and speaking up. Excuse me while I go before you.]
Saying that in a thin, small voice, Hirose left the entrance. When the door opened a strong gust of wind came in, so Arita unconsciously closed his eyes. And when he opened his eyes again, Hirose was already out of his sight.
As the weather forecast predicted, Saturday that got buried in the valley between chilly airs succumbed to rain showers. Pretty newscaster smiled at Arita, saying that some places might become sunny again towards the afternoon, but it didn't help him. It was still depressing. Continuous tiredness called sleep, but when he slept he had nightmares. When Arita finally snapped awake and hurriedly grabbed the alarm clock above his head, he had already slept more than two hours than the time he had intended to wake up. He rushed washing up and wore a thin black sweater and brown pants. He checked the train schedule that he had brought home yesterday once again. Already all the morning trains were gone, so he decided to hurry a little and eat at the restaurants near the station, and then take the first afternoon train. He put on the coat and opened the front gates. However, pouring of rain made Arita freeze. It was a terrible rain storm that blurred even the spot right in front of him. It was practically a water pillar.
[I have no luck.]
Muttering to himself, he took the umbrella that he kept next to his front door. He briefly considered taking the taxi, but it was ridiculously short distance between his home and the station. When he stepped out determinedly, even that made the bottom of his brown pants wet by soaking up the rain. He gathered himself into a bundle and walked, carefully avoiding the water puddles. But that worked only for few minutes. He hadn't walked even twenty meters before bottom half of his pants were so wet that they wouldn't pull away from his legs. A white car that approached him from behind slowed down when it passed Arita, and then stopped right in front of him. It honked lightly. Arita didn't realize that it was honking at him.
[Arita-san]
The window rolled down, and someone waved at him from inside.
[Are you heading to the station?]
Hirose looked at him as if he didn't care that the widely opened window let in the huge raindrops that wet his face and shirt. Arita slowly walked to the car and held his umbrella near it unconsciously.
[This is some rain. I'll take you to the station; please get in.]
If it didn't rain, if he didn't feel depressed about visiting his sick relative, if he didn't have the nightmare that woke him up like that this morning, Arita had no intention of getting on Hirose's car that would make him feel so uncomfortable. But he felt so pathetic while hugging a mountain of bad feelings, getting soaked while he creeped to the station, so Arita didn't want to walk in the rain any longer.
[Sorry... But you just have to take me to the station.]
When Arita said that while getting in the car, Hirose gave him a small smile.
[What a rain.]
Water ran down at the tip of the folded umbrella and made a small puddle by Arita's feet.
[I was heading to the bookstore near the station. It's within walking distance, but I didn't want to get wet since it was raining so much.]
The wiper busily pushed away the water that flowed down the front glass, left and right. Arita numbly stared ahead of him. When he sat still like that without moving, he felt the wet cloth that became cold. Hirose seemed to mind Arita trembling, because he turned on the heater. The road to the station was buy with traffic, and inside of the car became warm. Arita had no intention of doing so, but he closed his eyes briefly.
Arita suddenly opened his eyes at a light bump. He sleepily looked around him, and then he became startled when he realized that he was still in the car, next to Hirose. It took him few minutes to figure out where he was and what he was doing. He was still drunk with sleep. It should've been only to the station, but the scenary that the car was running in was unfamiliar. Only when he looked up at the road sign, he realized that they had passed the station a long time ago and they were travelling across the south road, off to the right towards the sea.
[Hey.]
[Oh, did you open your eyes?]
The light changed to green, and the car started to move again. Hirose was facing in front of him, sounding nonchalant.
[Did I not tell you that I just wanted to get to the station?]
As if noticing the anger imbedded in his tone, Hirose's profile tightly closed his mouth. Arita tsked and rested his cheek against his right hand.
[It was also my bad for falling asleep, but why didn't you wake me up at the station, sheesh... I guess there's no use complaining at this point. Let me off at the station nearest here. I'll take the train from there.]
[It takes 2 hours to get to Hikago by express. Not to mention, this area only has small stations, so express won't stop by, so no matter what you'd have to take local. That'll take about three hours. I have nothing else to do, so can't I take you there? I'll just think of it as a relaxing drive.]
He had been refused in a roundabout way. He told him, you don't have to drive me, so he should've just obeyed him and brought him to the station... Arita started to become really angry with his opponent who refused to do as he was told.
[I told you, I don't want to!]
Arita started to feel irritated. It felt like the fact that he had been picked up and he had been brought all the way out here were all planned. He really wanted to go to the station. That was it. He didn't want to do something like driving around with Hirose. From now on, for over one hour they'll be alone. Just thinking about what Hirose would talk about during that period made chills run up his spine.
[Stop the car. I don't care how long it takes. I'm going to take the train.]
He was the one insisting that he'd take him, so he could just let him be and ignore something like Hirose. But Arita was scared. If Hirose said one word about liking him or loving him or whatever, he felt like he would beat him up to death. In the rain, like a stubborn child, Arita kept repeating, 『Stop the car』.
[...You hate it that much?]
Hirose suddenly muttered. It's not even the problem of hating or whatever. Then... Just what made him so disgusted? Arita couldn't describe his feelings fluently, so he closed his mouth. Awkward silence passed. Arita turned his head and looked out the left window, as if ignoring the driver. But the pouring rain made outside scenary blurred like messed up watercolor, so it couldn't take away his boredom. The word 『Worst Sunday』 crossed his mind. Or was it 『Saturday』? Starting from this morning, he had a bad feeling. He had a really crappy dream, too. The nightmare that he hadn't had for few years now suddenly popped up today. Thinking about what his dream was about, Arita's feelings became even more down. It was a dream about the time when he got rejected by the girl he liked. She wasn't beautiful, but she was a cheerful, easy-going child. They happened to sit next to each other and started to talk to each other naturally. They liked the same books. They liked the same music. Just that was enough for them to have endless conversations. For hours and hours, they would be in their own world. Classroom after school, park next to the station, it didn't matter where it was as long as they could talk together. When his friend asked, [Do you liker her?], he thought he might. I like her, I really do like her. He suddenly became inflamed with the idea of 『I might be in love with her』, so he confessed to her that 『I love you』 as if he were feverish. At Arita's words she lowered her troubled face and fidgeted with hem of her sailor uniform's white scarf. At the end of autumn, edge of river was filled with golden blanket of pampas grass that wavered gracefully in the wind. She started to say something, and then stopped. In the end she said,
「How does it feel to love someone? I don't know. It's really fun talking to you, but I don't think that's the same thing as love.」
He got refused because she wasn't sure. He was sure that she'd say OK, so Arita had announced to all of his friends that he was going to confess to her. His feelings were in chaos, mixed up with his own pride and shame towards his friends. Arita was angry. The confession created a small distance between the two of them. A small but definite distance, like the space between two desks. It became awkward and he became frightened of the silence that he never felt before, so they started to talk less and less, and in the end they just stopped talking to each other. But conversely he started to want her more and more as the distance between two of them increased, so Arita thought he couldn't bear it. He didn't want to talk to her. He wanted her as his own. Arita definitely became aware of the love, of the beast inside of him. I want to be with her, I want to touch her. But he couldn't speak his true feelings. Being refused was close to terrifying him. Meanwhile, she became someone else's. Did she feel the love to him, that she couldn't feel towards Arita? Glaring at her being all excited and caring about her appearances, Arita thought she was being idiotic. After school, in the classroom, Arita happened to see her kissing with him. That day, Arita came home and ripped up every single book he owned except his textbooks, and smashed up his records. He dumped everything in the trashcan and at the empty feeling that crushed up his heart, he cried a little. He thought he was stupid. The dream usually ended at the scene where he started to cry. The fact that he was still having that dream might mean that he was still not free of 『that love』. Definitely, that was the first and last time that he felt so strongly, so close to tears. After that he dated several people, but he had already became somewhat smarter, so even when they broke up Arita wouldn't do something like hugging his pillow and crying his eyes out.
「May I stop the car?」
Hirose suddenly asked. Arita was sure that he brought him to the station, so he nodded. But Hirose stopped his car in the empty lot attached to the huge storage center along the shorelines. He parked his car and left his wipers running. Hirose leaned against the handle and stared beyond his front glass. Only dark grey sea stretched out in front of his eyes, and beyond that it faded out to light grreen shadow so that one could only see the end of the horizon.
「I guess today's no good, after all.」
He muttered in a small voice.
「I'm sorry for taking up your time when you're in a hurry.」
Hirose started his car again. In the end, until they reached the hospital about one hour later, neither Hirose nor Arita spoke much.
Arita kept telling him that he just had to take him to the Hikago station, but Hirose kept asking Arita the hospital's name, and he stubbornly ignored Arita's words by saying 「But still…」, and brought him all the way to the hospital entrance. To Hirose who parked his car near the entrance, Arita had no choice but to thank him.
「Sorry about that.」
It was an uncomfortable debt that Arita didn't want. Even if it was the worst drive in his life, Hirose ended up driving the car for over two hours just for Arita.
「I'm the one who's sorry about being stubborn.」
It was a weird conversation. Just hearing it, you wouldn't know who drove whom.
「How are you going to return?」
Hirose asked when Arita touched the door lock to get off the car.
「I'm going to return by the train.」
「I shall wait here.」
「I'm fine.」
He was starting to be really annoyed, so that's what he said, but Hirose still clung to him tenaciously.
「I have to go back anyway, so that's why I'm offering to do that.」
Arita pulled away from the door lock and hunched up.
「…I don't know when I'm going to be returning. It'll be boring for you to wait hours and hours, and I don't want you to do that.」
「That doesn't matter at all; I shall wait. If... you... hate me that much, then you don't have to talk to me, and you may just sleep on our way back.」
If you know I hate you that much, then why don't you just go back by yourself already! Arita was already beyond being angry at clinging Hirose; at this point he started to feel amused.
「So... what's that. You're going to take good advantage of me sleeping and do naughty things to me or something?」
Arita mutterd, condescending smirk on his lips. Hirose's expression suddenly froze.
「I'd never do something like that to you.」
A strong denial. Arita also realized right away that 『his words were too much』. He didn't really think that Hirose would do something like that. He was so persistant that he put his foot in his mouth accidentally.
「Anyway, go ahead alone. Thanks for today.」
Saying that, Arita got off the car, as if running away. The rain had eased off somewhat compared to this morning, but it was still strong. He didn't want to waste even the time to open his umbrella, so he ran to the hospital entrance. In his hurry he nearly crashed into the hunched, elderly lady who was on her way out, so Arita hurriedly moved away to the right. For the first time today, he thought it was a good thing that it was raining today. No one thought it was strange, even if he ran away. He took a deep breath, and Arita slowly entered the hospital. It did concern him though, after all, so he turned back just once to look at him. He saw a white car standing all by itself in the parking lot right in front of the building. But he couldn't see Hirose's face all the way from here.
< To Be Continued > Reading it was so much fun, so who would've expected that translating this story would be so boring. <- .........
This story continues to flow like a river and never really goes to a cheesy(...) climax, which is what I loved the most about this story, but now I wish I'm translating LOOP with all its cheesy youngster drama and climax and s*xual tension(?) and stuff. X.x;;
And now I'm off to read Maruma 3rd book! 'A')/ <- ..........
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