Oda Nobuna no Yabou - Volume 6 - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 : Training at Imai S?ky?'s Residence 

Dawn, the next day. 

Alongside Frois, Yoshiharu visited the residence of Imai Soukyu for information on the situation at Honbyo Temple. 

The mysterious Honbyo Temple and its Nekogami worshipping army lay completely outside of Yoshiharu's knowledge of the Hongan Temple in his sengoku games. So, before barging into Honbyo Temple, Yoshiharu wanted to obtain some background information. Because Soukyu once conducted a few business exchanges with Honbyo Temple for several arquebus, it wouldn't be much of an exaggeration to call the Temple on of his old customers. To facilitate the meeting with the head of Honbyo Temple, Soukyu's coordination was definitely necessary. 

Yoshiharu and Frois were invited into the tea room, Where they were met by a mysterious expression from Imai Soukyu. 

Wearing namban imported glasses, Imai Soukyu was a large man who seemed more like a samurai than a merchant at first glance. Soukyu acknowledged Nobuna's capabilities and had invested all of his business's fortune earned into the princess. If Nobuna's forces were destroyed, his business would crumble, so it was quite a gamble. Sakai is a bustling city of commerce, and as the representative of Sakai's merchants, he enjoyed near complete of the city thanks to Nobuna. 

"First, as for the money necessary for building Azuchi Castle, I will handle any extraneous costs. Hime-sama's plans are all rather sensible. For now when we talk about huge castles, we think about Odawara Castle to the East and Honbyo Temple to the West, but this Azuchi Castle will most likely change Japan's history. Built to attract tourists rather than defend against an army, such a thing has never been seen before. If everyone from around the world comes here to visit, wealth will definitely accumulate here. Sakai's harbors will definitely profit as well. I estimate that within seven years, the money I invested will be paid back in full." Soukyu counted up the facts with a shrewd face. 

"Thank you so much for continuing investing in us, Jii-san." 

"The namban style 'Fried Takoyaki' that Sagara-san came up with is extremely popular. In Japan, the stalls selling Fried Takoyaki are popping up more and more. Of course, the rights are all mine; I won't give you any share of the profits, Sagara-san." 

"Hahaha. You've got a tight purse, as expected from a big merchant in Sakai, Jii-san." 

"I won't share the profits even if you compliment me." 

"Let's bring back the topic on hand. I want to have a fair meeting with the master of Honbyo Temple. Can you act as the middleman for us? If not, I don't have any other method to persuade the master. If I base the situation on my knowledge from the future, once Honbyo Temple revolts against Nobuna, Tenka Fubu will be delayed for another ten years. With this, Jii-san's investment will also be delayed and will suffer a loss in profits." 

"Ummm. Honbyo Temple, huh? This is troublesome." 

"A religion worshipping cats is really rare. In Europe, the people all associate cats as witches' familiars bring harm on them. I pity them actually; those cats have done nothing wrong." 

"Eh~ Europe has become like this..." Yoshiharu mumbled in surprise at Frois' words. 

"Yes. In Europe, cats have long been thought of as a symbol of heretics. Many also think that the fearful black death is caused by cats. Because of the number of casualties caused by black death, everyone holds a fear of cats." 

"Frois, that's totally opposite what people should be doing! The cause of the black death is actually rats, right? If you remove the cats, the rats won't be caught and the black death will spread even further!" 

"Is that so? I must report this back to my country immediately!" 

What is Black Death? Between a missionary and a man from the future, this conversation has left me far behind... Imai Soukyu's mouth, stuffed full of Takoyaki as it was, couldn't hide his exasperated expression. 

"ZIPANGU's people treat cats and dogs very well. But why are such gentle people planning to attack Nobuna-sama?" 

"Nobuna loves to give animal names to her retainers, but she doesn't have much interest in cats or dogs. Instead, she loves horses or deer more." 

"Honbyo Temple erected Nekogami worshipping flags, and so they were called "Nyankousou". They were originally part of Mahayana Buddhism, but they have grown into an independent religious group with no relations whatsoever with Buddhism. Honbyo Temple has proclaimed that, as long as one chants "Nyamu Nyami Nyafutsu", they will be able to go to the cat paradise, home to the Nekogami-sama, so the believers have a firm belief that as long as they die for Nekogami-sama, they will ascend to cat paradise. This has led to there being many believers of the Honbyo Temple." 

Yoshiharu started scratching his head at the rough situation... Why did this position seem more and more monkey-like? 

"Kennya, that's the little girl's name leading the Honbyo Temple. She is a natural-born living deity. Wanting to "Tenka Fubyo [10] " instead of Tenka Fubu, so as to let all of Japan worship Nekogami-sama. That is the ambition she holds. Due to this, she is similar to Hime-sama, so I don't think the both of them will be able to co-exist." 

"This ambition is really strange. But, the harem ambition of mine also seems ridiculous to others...." 

"If there's a will, there's a way. Since the Onin war, chaos has reigned in this country for too long. Honbyo Temple could be the pillar of support the people need, since they no longer have any expectations from the samurai and Yamato Gose. It's the same reason the people of Kyushu and the capital are willing to seek Christian missionaries more and more frequently." 

"So, it's because of the healing effect of cats, huh? Umm, I need you to prepare a meeting, so I can talk with that Kennya. Can it be done, Jii-san?" 

"I will write you a letter of introduction, but since you're dealing with someone who won't be moved by money, that's the most I can do. I will deliver the letter myself, as there are no worries of me being cut down by their swords, but you speaking with Kennya is still a distant goal." 

"You don't seem sure we'll be able to meet Kennya...?" 

"It's not like there isn't any chance to meet her. Today, for your benefit Sagara-san and Frois-san, I invited a famous tea master. To meet Kennya, it is vital that you first practice etiquette." 

"Tea master???" 

The other paper door of the tea room opened, and in came a girl wrapped tightly in jet black clothing and a hood covering her head. Perhaps it was a trick of the light, but Yoshiharu's eyes seemed to catch on a black aura hovering behind her. In a rare sight, Frois shivered agreed with Yoshiharu's unspoken thoughts. 

"Somehow, she gives me a feeling of a heretic...." 

"This person is one of Sakai's merchants and tea masters, Sensoueki. Recently, she changed her name to Sen no Rikyuu [11] ." 

“……” 

With her face shrouded, Rikyuu just maintained her seiza posture without uttering a word. 

Ehhh, this child is the greatest tea master, Sen no Rikyuu, from "Oda Nobunaga no Yabou". It seems a bit weird. No, this is obviously a gothic loli... Yoshiharu thought to himself. Thinking back, Rikyuu seemed to love black, but the image before him wasn't quite the same as the Rikyuu in the game. 

"This child doesn't like to speak much, but her tea skills are far beyond mine, a standard of a true genius. Rikyuu-san, can you make a pot of tea for these two?" 

".....*Nod*" 

Taking out a black tea set, Rikyuu filled a cup with a namban grape wine from a bottle. 

"Wait, that, that isn't tea, right?" 

"This is Rikyuu's way of making tea. Sit silently and watch, Sagara-san." 

Rikyuu put the teacup filled with grape wine onto Yoshiharu's hand, as though saying "let everyone drink it in turn". 

She then tore a namban bun into many pieces and distributed them, and even though it was silent, they heard "eat it". 

Rikyuu didn't say anything, yet why did the things that she wanted to say reach into everyone's hearts? 

"Um... Is this... a mass, like that of the church? The grape wine symbolizing the lord's holy blood, and the bread symbolize the lord's flesh. Everyone sharing it, isn't this a mass?" 

".....*Nod*" Frois seemed to have it correct. 

"Exactly. Rikyuu has always wanted to be original, and so mixed the rituals of Christianity into tea-making. This is a totally modern tea ceremony. 

"Come on now, isn't this Rikyuu different from the one I know? Aren't Rikyuu's tea making's principles supposed to be more of a 'silent elegance'? This isn't 'silent elegance' but 'gothic loli' already." 

".....*sasasa*" 

Rikyuu rubbed the teacup she took back and shook her head. 

“……” 

"Eh? You mean it isn't over? What's next is the actual stuff?" 

".....*Nod*" 

Rikyuu poured different types of mysterious liquids into the tea cup, and then used a brush to mix them. The brush wasn't made of bamboo, but of gold. 

Ping 

Smoke rose from the tea cup, and then out came... 

"That, isn't that gold!?" 

".....*Nod*" 

"Is that some kind of trick?" 

".....*Shake head*" 

Frois gripped her cross and with tearful eyes whispered to Yoshiharu "This is a magic known in Europe as Alchemy. It's a legendary skill for mixing different base metals and forming them into pure gold... But, it's the first time I've ever seen actual gold being made. This lady might be a magician." 

".....*Nod*" 

(The crux of my tea ceremony is the fusion of namban people's alchemy with our tea ceremony), Rikyuu's silence seemed to say. 

"It's quite a sight, right? She can only create small pieces of gold now, but someday when Rikyuu-san is able to research the ultimate form of her tea ceremonial skills, we might be able to make huge amounts of gold. Rikyuu is a true tea ceremony genius." 

".....*Shake head*" 

(The success rate is low. It's a coincidence that I had success today), Rikyuu's silence spoke again. 

"Nono, this isn't a tea ceremony anymore; this is black magic!" Yoshiharu retorted. But in Sakai, money was everything. The reason Rikyuu's tea ceremony had received huge praise from the merchants was because of the existence of such a technique. Such a mysterious magic called Alchemy. 

"My name, Sen, no, Ri, kyuu." For the first time, Rikyuu emitted a sound. 

From the outside, she seems to be a gothic loli wearing all black, but she had an unexpectedly cute and anime-like voice. 

"Huh?" bewildered, Yoshiharu shouted as the realization hit him a moment later. 

"Sen, no, Ri, kyuu. I got it! There's a cross in every kanji [12] ! So as to say, Rikyuu is a Christian!" 

".....*Nod*" 

Uwahh, I didn't know this before! The truth buried in history! Damn, how I wish to tell this to the modern world! I'm so anguished that there's no way for me to tell them! Yoshiharu rolled around the tatami. As mentioned before, his actions seems more and more monkey-like recently. 

"Don't tell me, in my version of history, the reason why Sen no Rikyuu, a regular tea master, is able to become a hidden power of the rich Toyotomi Hideyoshi is because of her skills with alchemy? If that's the case, did Rikyuu love black and build a golden tea room for Hideyoshi-jii-san to try and create an unimaginably huge amount of gold for Hideyoshi-jii-san? Jii-san must have used that gold in his attempt to conquer the world. Where did this gold come from... Don't tell me..." 

“……?” 

(Hideyoshi, who is that?) Rikyuu tilted her head as she stared at Yoshiharu's face with a perplexed expression. She must have been around 15 years old, but the face hidden under the hood seemed unexpectedly child-like. 

"Rikyuu-sama. In the churches of Europe, alchemy is suspected to be one type of black magic. At the worst, you can be tried as a heretic." 

“……” 

(If it's in Japan, where the people believe in everything from Nekogami-sama to Christianity, then there's totally no problem.) Facing the cowering Frois, Rikyuu answered with her eyes. Was it possible she could talk directly into other people's brains? This girl was becoming more and more like a magician. 

"But Rikyuu has an anime-like voice on par with Goemon's. How cute! Rikyuu, can you say something?" 

"Animu-like voice, what is that, Sagara-san?" 

"......" 

At Yoshiharu's request, Rikyuu raised her head to signify her refusal. Even though she would put on a performance as a black magician, she seemed to be very mindful of her anime-like voice. A more solemn voice would have suited her image much better, but fate went against her wishes, so she had tried her best to maintain her silence, it seemed. 

"So learning such an art will allow us to meet Kennya, right?" 

".....*Shake head*" 

"Eh, wrong?" 

"Sagara-san. That was just a self introduction of Rikyuu-san. If you want to reach the top of Honbyo Temple or to even meet Kennya-san, you must learn another type of skill besides the tea ceremony." Imai Soiukyu explained. 

"Another type of skill? Umm... If it's Osaka's skills or delicacies, the first to come to mind is takoyaki. If it's takoyaki, you can leave it to me!" 

".....*Shake head*" 

"Wrong again? If that's so, then it will be Okonomiyaki! Osaka people eat Okonomiyaki like rice!" 

"Wrong again? There should be another one. If it's about Naniwa [13] ...." 

"Hmmm, umm. The Hanshin Tigers [14] don't exist in this era either... Takoyaki shouldn't exist in the first place... Ah? Don't tell me, it's skit-acting?" 

".....*Nod*" 

(If we can't use our acting skills to make the guards of Honbyo temple laugh, they won't open the path towards Kennya.... And to gain Kennya's trust, skits are definitely necessary.) Rikyuu's silent messages to Yoshiharu and Frois grew more and more complicated. 

"Yoshiharu-san, what is a skit?" 

"Some effort will be needed to make Frois understand. Simply put, it's a traditional cultural event of Osaka. You start with a two-man team, and they try to make the audience laugh with their conversation. Yes. If you disregard takoyaki and okonomiyaki, nothing says 'Osaka' like skits!" 

"Because Rikyuu-san doesn't like her own voice, she can't be a skit master, but her skills with skits are top-notch. If the two of you took Rikyuu as your master, you guys will definitely be able to become skit masters too. 

“……” 

(If you have such a resolve, I can train the both of you to be outstanding skit masters in a week.) Rikyuu nodded her head. 

"Thank you so much. But why are you so willing to helps us when we've only just met, Rikyuu?" 

“……” 

(Because I want to see the look of a namban missionary acting out a skit.) Rikyuu's answer is unexpectedly simple. 

"Eh? Eh? I'm going to act in a skit too? W...Why...? I haven't had any training to make people laugh...I... There isn't any content in the bible to make anyone laugh. Rather, it's more likely to make people cry... I feel that a member of the clergy being a skit master goes against the teachings of the lord." 

If I had known of this, I would had brought Inuchiyo; she always wants to act out skits with me! The only other person here is Goemon up in the ceiling, and since she always bites her tongue, she can't be a skit master either! 

Facing such an unexpected turn of events, Yoshiharu felt extremely troubled. 

There's no other option. I must persuade Frois to act out in a skit with me, or else things will be bad! 

"Frois, through laughter, people can break out from their melancholy and their moods will lift. The people of Osaka have always been especially comforted by laughter! Learning skits will help the missionary tasks you will face in Osaka." 

"Is...Is that so? I understand. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ZIPANGU's phrase matches well with one known well in Europe. I, I will try my best!" Being so easily convinced… Frois really was like a pure hearted goddess. Yoshiharu couldn't help but want to pay respect to the compassionate missionary. Today, Yoshiharu could understand a bit of why Shougakuin Gousei treated Frois as "Guanyin-sama". 

"Two people perform a skit, and they incite laughter by having one of them play 'the fool' while the other plays 'the straight man'. That bunch at Honbyo Temple love skits, because more than half of them are from Osaka, and Kennya-san is their best skit master. If you can make everyone at Honbyo Temple laugh, the peace meeting will happen somehow. But if either of you slip up or cross certain lines, your lives might be in danger." 

Sagara-san doesn't seem to be from Kansai, and I don't even need to consider Frois-san. Can the two of you really act out a skit? Imai Soukyu's strict glare did little to hide his doubts. 

"Ok. If it's to stop this war, I will definitely work hard to become a skit master! No matter if it's playing the fool or straight man, I will master it! Sagara-san, try your hardest to 'straighten' it! Don't stand on manners! No matter how painful or terrible the it is, I will definitely endure it!" [15] 

Yoshiharu could only grit his teeth as he heard the pitiful Frois accidentally saying lewd things and stared at that pair of shaking breasts. 

"Ok... Then let us learn the skills in a week! But I think I should be the one playing the fool and Frois doing the straight man. I'm more knowledgeable of the different gags of the future! Watch and be amazing, you bastards holed up in Honbyo Temple; be stunned by the evolved and newest trend of skits!" Yoshiharu finished his arrogant declaration with a flourish of his muscles. 

“……” 

(No matter if it's tea ceremony or skits, the path of the arts is always cruel, I will train you to the point of puking blood.) Rikyuu announced silently. 

Like this, the week of hellish training started. 

Since this was Frois' first time acting out a skit, she wouldn't be creating gags on her own. Her first task was to listen to a lecture on "What exactly are the fool and straight man playing?", remember the logic properly, and finally infuse them into routine straight man practices. 

"T...This... Why's zat?" 

Rikyuu didn't open her mouth, but using a bamboo sword, she mercilessly swund down on Frois' butt with a "Piak". 

"Ahh!? S...Sorry! U...Um, is...was there something wrong just now?" 

".....*shake head"" 

(Totally unacceptable, you don't even understand the basics of "inciting laughter".) Once it's about art, Rikyuu was a strict taskmaster. 

The missionary's azure eyes started to fill with tears. 

"This... Why's zat?" She pulled her hand back to hit Yoshiharu's head with a light "Piak"... 

But the pure Frois, who had always listened to the lord's teachings, "If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also", couldn't seem to bring herself to perform such a violent act like hitting Yoshiharu's head. 

No matter which way anyone looked at it, her "slap" was barely a "tap". 

"Piak!" 

"Ahuhhhhh!? Sorry! Sorry!" 

".....*shakes head"" 

(If you don't have the resolve to hit the other party, it would be more apt to call you a "noodle man".) the unexpectedly passionate demon instructor Rikyuu fumed silently. 

Why... This scene of Rikyuu hitting Frois's butt seems kinda lewd, I'm getting excited..' Yoshiharu started to fantasize. 

Somehow or other, their training for skits didn't seem to make any progress. 

The sun rose and set, again and again, and the hellish training of Rikyuu continues on until a week had finally passed. 

(Look), Rikyuu finally flared against Frois' upteenth failed straight man attempt. 

".....*Nod*Nod*" 

(Hit his right cheek, and immediately after that, hit his left. This slapstick is the crux of the straight man.) The tea master took an extreme stance Frois would never be able to approve. 

"Do...Doing something that rude to Yoshiharu-san? I...I can't do it. It's better if I'm the one taking the hits! Let me be the one playing the fool, and have Yoshiharu-san be the one 'straighten'-ing, how about that?" 

".....*shakes head"" 

(You can't even handle the basics of the straight man; it's too great a task to handle playing the fool. The training ends with today, and if this fails, war will be unavoidable.) Rikyuu silently warned. 

"Besides, I wouldn't be willing to hit Frois's cute head. My heart feels better if I'm taking the hits. And I'm already used to always getting beaten up by Nobuna anyways." 

"I say it's fine; hit me hard! COME ON!" Yoshiharu waved his hand. "This skit will save many people's lives! So don't be polite and just hit me!" 

"Uhh, my lord, please forgive me, this is for the peace of ZIPANGU." Frois cried while using all her strength for a slap. 

"This... WHY'S.... ZAT!?" 

"Piak!* 

How could anyone not have seen this coming! 

Because Frois had never hit anyone before, she didn't know how to control her strength. After such an unexpectedly harsh slap, Yoshiharu was left writhing around the tatami floor of the tea room. 

"Th...This is correct, Frois! With this, you had learned the basics of the straight man!" 

"Yoshiharu-san, sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry! Did it hurt?" 

Is it all because of me that Yoshiharu-san's nose started to bleed? Ahh, my lord, I have sinned! Frois hugged Yoshiharu tightly in her bosom. 

Frois. You finally gave a beautiful straight slap, but then instantly revert to the gentle you and console me. Won't that undermine the whole act!? Yoshiharu had more than one reason to be anxious about Frois hugging him so tightly. If Nobuna saw him now, she would be furious. Most importantly though, they couldn't pass the gates of Honbyo Temple like this. 

How can I awaken the straight man spirit sleeping inside of Frois?' Yoshiharu brainstormed, and then inspiration hit him. 

There's no helping it. I can only become a disgusting "demonic breast rubbing Saru", and scare Frois seriously. Sacrificing my good image with her will hurt, but I guess... 

"Uhohohoho! Frois-chan, it just hurt a tiny bit~! Let me be comfortable a while~!" 

"Pl...Please don't rub your face on my breasts, Yoshiharu-san. Wa...Wait? Why are you using your fingers on my breasts?" 

"There's only one answer, to seek healing! But why do I touch them? Obviously because they're right in my reach, asking to be grabbed!" 

"Ahhhh! I... I'm married to the lord! It's the duty of a sister to preserve a pure body... Pl...Please stop.....!" 

Bham! 

Instinctively protecting her chastity, the holy missionary Frois smote the middle of Yoshiharu's groin with a harsh kick. With a strength almost a hundred times of Nene's groin kick, the single move yanked Yoshiharu's monkey act to a halt, the fatal pain reaching through Yoshiharu's most crucial areas. 

"Uooohhhhhhhhh!?" 

"Ah....So...Sorry!?" 

Yoshiharu collapsed and spasmed. The strategy had worked, but his body couldn't take it. 

"Ahhhhhh! I'm so sorry, so sorry! Yoshiharu-san, don't die on me~!" 

"Just like this, I'm fine like this.... Frois, that straight act of yours is the best.... uh...." Yoshiharu suddenly lost all his strength and stopped spasming. 

"Ahh, what should I do? My lord, please don't summon Yoshiharu-san's spirit back to heaven! It's all my fault. It's my fault for having such a succubus-like pair of breasts that the kind Yoshiharu-san was blinded by Satan instantly! If my... my breasts become smaller, Yoshiharu-san will be such a good person, a person as untainted as an angel..." panicking and shouting, Frois accidentally stepped onto the unconscious Yoshiharu's head. Yoshiharu, meanwhile, still clung at Frois's breasts, as though he were asking "Please, more straight hits!", and as soon as Frois noticed she readily obliged once more, this time not stopping until Yoshiharu had breathed his last. 

"....Uhhhh...." 

"Ahh, I resorted to violence again? I'm so sorry, so sorry!" 

"....Pu...!" 

Rikyuu who had been watching silently from the start couldn't help but laugh. 

Once the gates of her mouth had opened, Rikyuu's anime-like laughter couldn't be contained, and the room echoed with the sound. 

"You've passed! Ahh, to have Rikyuu-san laughing out loud! You guys, you may have an innate talent for skits! If that's so, the ordeal of Honbyo Temple will be easily surpassed!" Imai Soukyu made his verdict, and the training was finished! 

"They shouldn't need another gag, right? If you ask me, this wasn't a couple skit, but a breast skit." 

".....*Nod*Nod*" 

"Ehhhhh? I must repeat such an embarrassing thing for other people!? Ahhhhh! My lord, please forgive me... Ahh, I'm so embarrassed that I want to dieeeee.....!" 

"Alright, alright, Frois. First, please get your foot off my head... The training is over already..." Yoshiharu mumbled as his consciousness gradually slipped away.