Chapter 22

Son-con – Vol . 3 Ch . 22

I didn’t know how much Lucia was carrying on her shoulders at the time . But I recalled the event every time I held her as she curled up in my arms later on .

Lucia is just a small elf-girl . She’s not a Valkyrie who was trained from a young age like Nier . The training she went through with the imperial guards was much less demanding than the training the Valkyries received . She’s also just an elf . Female elves lack the strength and stamina of male elves by a long margin .

However, Lucia carried me on her back as she struggled forwards . I couldn’t walk at all . I basically felt the same way I felt if I were thrown into water . What was worse was I lost conscious, woke up, lost conscious, and woke up again . My condition got worse and worse . While my mana wasn’t flowing, it was no different to a bowl of water with a hole . What does that mean? It means that the remainder of the water will seep out of that small hole .

The mana dissolving agent in my chest created such a hole, and slowly melted away my mana bit by bit . My body would then automatically replenish its mana, only to be dissolved once again . We were outside . I wasn’t able to eat much since I was weak . As a matter of fact, I struggled to stay awake . The feeling of mana being produced in my body became less and less frequent . When I ran out of mana, I lost conscious .

More recently, I was losing conscious for longer periods of time .

Lucia had no other option . She had to search for a white deer king, search for food and search for a place to stay at night . She had to do all of that while carrying me with her . Lucia couldn’t detect the breathing of that assassin, and consequently couldn’t leave me behind alone somewhere .

Because I couldn’t chew, Lucia chewed berries herself first, then mixed it in with water before feeding it to me mouth to mouth . Our first kiss wasn’t shared under such nice conditions like last time, but instead in a burdensome manner . I couldn’t recover on a diet of just berries, but Lucia couldn’t hunt while carrying me either . Lucia collected all the berries she gathered . She didn’t eat a single berry . When I awoke every now and then, I spotted her eating grass .

Yes, she ripped out grass from the ground and shoved it into her mouth just like an animal, chewed it and finally swallowed it .

Lucia must’ve suffered a lot . I sometimes awoke every now and then at night . I could feel her tightly holding me as she quietly sobbed . She had to carry an unconscious person around and resolutely forge forwards following the tracks of the white deer king . I actually really wanted her to put me down and search for the white deer king on her own, but she never left me . She’s just a girl and yet she carried such a burdensome responsibility .

She had no right to be afraid, and no right to cry, for if she cried, then the two of us would’ve starved to death .

I really wanted to say that it wasn’t her fault . However, the fact is, she failed to protect me as my bodyguard . I felt really sorry for her and really wanted to help . I even wanted her to just put me down and leave on her own, but I couldn’t speak . And even if I hypothetically could’ve spoken, there’s no way she would’ve done that .

“Take a short rest, your highness . Eat a bit of food . ”

Lucia put me down and vigilantly checked our surroundings before taking out a few berries . I took a look . The berries were evidently rotten already . The forest isn’t a berry-garden, so it’s not like there were berries everywhere . It was actually tough to find berries . The berries we ate were red in colour and like solanum nigrum that we used to eat when we were young, except slightly larger . You can spot this sort of stuff on plains, but not in forests . These were ones that Lucia found before . We had them with us for two days already .

Lucia hesitated for a moment before tossing away the two remaining berries and looked at me with concern . I really wanted to let her know that I didn’t need to eat, but I couldn’t speak . I was just conscious . Lucia let out a heavy sigh and sat down in a dispirited manner . She reached her hands up to rest her face on and whimpered . Her petite physique shivered before my eyes and yet I couldn’t pull her into my embrace .

I couldn’t even send her a word of comfort .

A second later, Lucia wiped her tears and stood up . She put me on her back again and continued forwards . We never advanced fast to begin with and now we were moving even slower . I regretted it somewhat . If we had been moving faster the last few days, this might not have happened . But who can accurately predict the future? Nobody but my mom could, and evidently, even she can’t predict the future without anything to go off .

As Lucia walked, she checked out the shrubs by the side of our path, fearing that she’d miss a bunch of berries . My conscious slowly started to disappear once again . I went limp on Lucia’s back . The last thought I had before I passed out was that if I survived, I’d never betray Lucia no matter what .

If Lucia ever ends up in a similar predicament, I will carry her on my back too .

When I woke up again, my back was against a cold stone wall . I couldn’t move my body so I could only look at my legs . My head drooped down as I leaned against the stone wall . It was pouring outside . There was a small fire by my side . The scent of meat slowly filled my nose which invigorated me somewhat .

It appeared that Lucia found a small rock cave . It was dark and wet, and even water was flowing inwards due to the shape of the cave, but it was a place we could rest . It was better than sleeping on grass since I was extremely weak . My temperature had dropped significantly . Lucia hugged me tightly every night to help me brace the coldest early mornings .

Lucia lightly walked up to my side, squat down, bit my lip, and passed the chewed meat and water into my mouth before erecting her posture .

I felt like I was a large funnel, allowing the meat juice to freely find its way into my mouth . It sucks that this world doesn’t have IVs . I wouldn’t have to suffer so much if there were .

She repeated the process a few more times before wiping the corners of my mouth, touching my face and weeping as she said: “Sorry… . Sorry, your highness… . I… I… I can’t… I can’t… I can’t bring you along as I try to perform tasks… . If I bring you with me…you’ll die before we find a white deer king… . You’re already too weakened… . I can’t… . I… It’s all my fault… . It’s all my fault… . I no longer ask that I can marry you… . I just hope that you survive . Everything is fine as long as you survive… . Your highness, I’ll prepare some good food for you for the next few days and then I’ll go and hunt a white deer king on my own . Trust me . You must trust me . I will definitely successfully kill a white deer king and return… . I will definitely save you . I won’t run away… . You must trust me!!”

Lucia choked on her tears and couldn’t speak properly, yet I had no means of consoling her . I had no means of saying the one sentence she wanted to hear most, “I trust you” . It wasn’t because I didn’t want to say it, but rather because I couldn’t . I wanted to say it thousands of times, tens of thousands of times, but… I couldn’t say it even once . Lucia’s eyes were red and swollen . She had bloodshot eyes . She did her best for my sake, yet I had no way of hugging her .

I trust you .

I won’t blame you even if you run away .

Lucia sobbed softly as she knelt before me . She then cried out loud as she hugged my arm tightly and curled up against me . All I could do was stare blankly at the stone wall in front of me . My chest and wound were on fire, but I had no way of giving my thanks to my love…

And telling her I loved her .

I previously had no regrets in life, and even felt death was a form of glory . Now, however, the thought of death agonises me so much I want to cry . I don’t want to leave Lucia, I can’t bear to part with everything here . I found everything I once lacked here .

I don’t want to die .

But I desperately wish for Lucia to live more .