I, Natsukawa Masuzu, met ｢Him｣ for the first time in the month of May.
Although we were in the same class and I recognized him, I only knew his last name and was barely aware of his existence. It wasn't because he had a particularly weak presence or anything. More accurately, to me, all men were the same.
During the midterm exams in May, he took first place in the whole grade.
When we changed seats in June, he was seated beside me.
That's when I started to take a little bit of interest in him.
Was he a diligent otaku who was persistently fired up about studying? Or was he an exceptionally talented all-rounder? Or was he was a naturally blank-headed dolt who merely had a good brain?
Because of my interest in observing human behavior, as soon as I placed my gaze on this being named ｢Kidou Eita｣—I immediately understood:
"This guy is homosexual."
The first reason. He's very cold to girls.
He's number one in the entire grade, yet when girls come to ask him questions about homework, he teaches them objectively—though his responses are always very cold. Normally speaking, when boys are approached with girls begging them for help, they're especially excited and carry themselves pridefully. Kind of like, ｢Oh. Hahaha, I really can't say no to that｣. However, he's always like, ｢Yes, mhm, that's right｣ ｢So first this…｣ ｢It's not bad｣. It wasn't exactly like he was unemotional. More accurately, it was as if he were reading word-by-word some predetermined lines to respond to these girls. It was also the same with me. Although I sat next to him, he never spoke to me. Even if I took the initiative to speak to him, he was always evasive. If it were some other guy, they would have been frozen in their steps if I merely met their eyes.
The second reason. There was another guy whom he had excessively good chemistry with.
That was the secretary of the student council, Asoi Kaoru, one of my classmates. He was so good-looking that you could practically mistake him for a bishoujo, and his way of speaking was soft and neutral[1]. It seemed like they were friends since middle school, and they were always together during lunch break.
The way these two were, it looked like they were a married couple.
I swear, I have no taste for BL. I've never thought: ｢Kidou Eita is the seme and Asoi Kaoru is the uke based on appearances. But in reality, it's the opposite from how they talk｣. Never. I seriously I haven't. But since I'm saying this now, it's definitely true. I can attest to the fact that these two people are no ordinary friends.
Also, there was a third reason.
He—had an extremely cute childhood friend.
Harusaki Chiwa.
She was short, one hundred percent energetic, and a shining girl just like the sun.
She was in Year 1 Class 5, and she frequently came over to hang out with him. She was as childishly cute as a chihuahua puppy or a little sister, but she sometimes acted like an older sister. From the sidelines, it was seriously hilarious, because Harusaki Chiwa obviously had very apparent feelings for him.
However, he never expressed any sort of interest.
Had he been any normal guy, if such an adorable girl was so intimate with him, it wouldn't have been strange if he were head over heels for her. However, he would always coldly say things like, ｢Stop annoying me｣, ｢Don't be clingy｣. Rather than seeing her as a member of the opposite sex, it was like he identified her as a ｢sister｣. Harusaki Chiwa also seemed to tacitly accept this, as she always seemed to be staging a horrendously rushed and lukewarm romantic comedy.
Let's summarize it all together.
He's very cold to girls; his relationship with his male friend is excessively good; and he has no response to his childhood friend's love.
Basically, he was gay. This was homosexuality. It was definitely homosexuality. To think that the guy who sits next to me is gay… it's really an experience you'd seldom come by—
However, a few days later, I realized my verdict was wrong.
Because I saw Kidou Eita-kun—
He bought THAT!
…...Hmph.
I couldn't figure it out.
Around eight thirty on a Sunday night, I was returning from going out shopping when I serendipitously stopped by this old bookstore in front of the train station. It turned out Kidou Eita was there, nervously glancing around at his surroundings, as he tightly held this super thin magazine that reeked of the odor of freshly printed books to his chest as he left the store. It was titled, 《Shot by a Policewoman in Bed!》. From the shadows of the bookshelves, I stealthily watched everything.
I started up a conversation with this old ojiisan wearing a tawny japanese-style short jacket who seemed to own the store.
"Does he frequently come here?"
"Huh—?"
The old uncle cupped his deeply wrinkled hands at his ears.
"That. Boy. Does. He. Frequently. Come. Here?"
"Aaaah, yes. He's a regular. He loves books. Ever since he was this—small."
As you might expect from number one in our grade, he was the kind of person who loved books.
I wanted to know more about him.
Possibly because he piqued my curiosity, or maybe out of sheer whim, the old uncle pointed out a shelf that was behind the register.
"All of these books are ones that he sold."
"This entire bookshelf is his?"
"It seems like when he started high school, he sold all of the books he had collected since his childhood."
As far as I could see, there truly was a lot, regardless if you went by the number of books or the variety of genres. Mangas, light novels, magazines, and even picture books for children. The scope was extensive, and the bookshelf was messily crammed with books of disarrayed dimensions. Among the collected materials that might be considered anime, there were also doujinshi. By the look of it, perhaps he was an 「otaku」 before he entered high school.
"Your store isn't going to separate the bookshelf by category?"
"I like to think of our store as a treasurehoard, so…"
The old uncle gave this questionable response with a smile.
"Huh….."
I took out a book from the bookshelf that was coincidentally right in front of from my eyes, titled, 《Comprehensive Illustrated Book of Animals (Revised Edition)》.
This kind of illustrated children's book looked like something that was purchased to commemorate his entrance into elementary school. It seemed better preserved than the other books, and it was appropriately packaged in a case. You could tell that he cherished this item very dearly.
…...Huh, that's strange?
There seemed to be something else inside this box—
"Since you're a beautiful girl, I'll give you a discount and sell this to you for 525 yen."
It seemed like he misunderstood me since I had stared at the illustrations for a long time.
Originally I wanted to refuse and put it back on the bookshelf, but on a whim I decided to buy it.
It wasn't because I wanted an animal picture book.
It was because I figured I could understand a piece of Kidou Eita's 「history」, or something analogous, by reading this used book.
To understand what sort of paths this incomprehensible boy had walked in the past.
I mean, obviously you couldn't actually glean that kind of information from a mere used book, but as long as I could feel the slightest bit of his 「flavor」from within, it was enough.
—Hehe.
When I realized I had a smile on my face, I was very surprised.
I, Natsukawa Masuzu, had actually expressed interest in another person, and furthermore this person was a guy.
What a joke.
◆
"—So that was the story all along."
Time had flown by, and it was a day after school in July.
The person who was walking beside me was that Kidou Eita.
"I understand now."
His cheeks were rigid as he spoke:
"It had always been a mystery how you had managed to get your hands on my notebook, but all along that had been the story."
"That's strange, didn't I mention before that I coincidentally obtained it at some family-owned store?"
"After hearing you say it, it doesn't feel any bit at all—coincidental."
In truth, to some degree it was because I had locked on him and furthermore pried into his background.
"So how were you afterwards?"
"How was what?"
"Were you safe and sound after being shot by the policewoman in bed?"
His face gradually turned red after that remark.
I brought my lips slightly to his ears and whispered:
"How about I cosplay for you next time?"
"S-Sh-Shut up! I-I-It shouldn't matter to you!"
Hehe! This was so fun. ♪
"However, that was the inkling of fate that brought us together. The workings of the world really are hard to understand."
I hooked onto his arm and brought my body close, and he averted his eyes looking very uncomfortable.
"Eita-kun? Can you please not have that expression? Right now we're on a very joyous 『after-school date』."
"R-Right, I understand. I'm v-very happy."
We were walking on the road that led to school, so there were many other students on their way home. In the midst of this, and we attracted the curious glances of many of them, as we were the target of our their attentions. The silver-haired ojousama Natsukawa Masuzu and the number one student of the grade, Kidou Eita, were dating. This was the rumor that had long ago passed into the knowledge of each and every student. However, even now when we walked together like this, I could hear their whispers.
—Hmph, what a flock of commoners.
"Eita-kun, can we take a bit of a detour today?"
To my proposal, he silently nodded his head. It seemed like he felt very awkward.
When we approached the fork in the road, we walked along the little alley that separated the residential quarters for a while. Then, when the first sign of people in our surroundings faded—we instantly let go of our linked hands.
I nodded substantially:
"Seriously, I've said this before, but it's really hard to cope with that crowd of followers of the lovestruck religion."
"That's the only thing I can agree with you on."
His shoulders made a cracking sound as he gave a sigh: "Ah—I'm so tired."
"You complain so much. Annoying things will just be annoying."
"Pease get used to it soon, since we're supposed to be 『head over heals in love』, right?"
"Cough! And you think I like it?"
"Even if you say so, your face looks so perverted after being hugged like this."
"I don't look perverted! Even though you're hugging me like this, it never crossed my mind—!"
This sarcastic conversation.
If those people who were whispering to each other earlier saw this, they'd probably doubt their own eyes.
"Eita-kun, can you let me carefully confirm a few things?"
"What?"
"When I confessed to you a month ago, what were the facts?"
"You were popular ever since the beginning of the semester, and you were confessed to so much that you were fed up with it. That's why you wanted a 『sea barrier』."
"YES!"
"This sea barrier—in other words, a fake boyfriend, is that right?"
"Yes! So what was the reason why I picked you?"
"Because just like you, I was 『anti-love』."
Absolutely right.
It was precisely because Eita was cold towards girls. It was the genuine reason why he even ignored the favorable feelings of Harusaki Chiwa.
Anti-love.
Love is so beautiful! Love is the best! Hey, hey, hey, are we in love? If you never experience love, you'll never know what it feels like to be truly alive—we were vehemently opposed to this system of values that venerated the ideology of love.
"I originally wanted to live a smooth and peaceful high school life, but you made it into a huge mess."
The 「homosexual」 ruthlessly said this.
Mhm.
In this kind of situation, it was best to utilize the 「power of our relationship」.
I took out an old-fashioned notebook from my bag.
Kidou Eita's face rapidly turned pale.
"W-W-Wait a moment Masuzu! What are you planning!?"
I didn't pay any mind as I flipped open the notebook and began to read aloud:
April 21st - Sunday - Clear skies
I went to 「Imamura」 to buy fingerless gloves, but I was turned away by the store owner who gave me an weird look, 「We don't have it.」
This store's wares were really lacking.
Though it's also possible that they're sold out 'cause they're too popular?
I really hope I can buy it soon, so I can passionately charge through bitterly cold streets.
April 24th - Wednesday - Clear Skies
Obtained the other essential item—a flower print bandana.
I immediately took this blood red cloth and wrapped it around my head.
Not good. It's really not good. It's too brilliant.
Later I was asked by Chiwa, "Why are you tying a triangular towel on your head? Are you going to become a lunch lady?" [2]
Girls simply don't understand male aesthetics.
April 25th - Thursday - Cloudy
Still unable to purchase fingerless gloves.
With improvisation being the only choice left, I used scissors and cut off the tips of my cotton knit gloves.
And of course I didn't forget to use a red marker write 『Death』、『Murder』 on the back of the gloves.
And that was how I became the strongest warrior of all the Holy Dragoons.
My heart is empty, and because it's empty—death (zero).
"Alllll right—"
I easily burned through three day's worth.
After I finished reading that aloud, I shut the notebook, only to find him writhing over the floor with his hands and feet twitching.
"Don't forget, the notebook with the evidence of your middle school Dark Ages is in my hands."
"Uwahhhh, if only I hadn't sold that illustrated book of animals to the used-book store when I was cleaned everything out!"
Tears rolled from eyes as he punched the ground, but it was too late for any regrets.
"That being said, at least you won't be hated by Harusaki-san, right?
Harusaki Chiwa's name was frequently mentioned in that notebook. She had liked Kidou Eita since long ago. However, even if you were to ask her that herself, she'd respond, ｢I'm just simply a childhood friend!｣.
"She's an exception."
He brushed off the sand that had gotten on his pants and stood up.
"Because we've been around each other ever since first grade in elementary school, we're already past the point of love or hate. She's like a family member to me."
".....Family member…..."
I didn't quite know what to make of that term.
Although I'd vomit upon hearing any mention of romance, when I heard a phrase like "family"…… it'd leave me at a complete loss of what to do.
Perhaps because he sensed my reaction, he asked me with a face full of surprise:
"Is there something up with your family?"
"—That, well, in short..."
I calmly concealed my expression and brushed up my hair.
"How you feel about Harusaki-san has absolutely nothing to do with me. However, if you mess up acting as my 『boyfriend』 during these three years of high school, it'll be a huge headache. That's why I won't permit you to pay too much attention to other girls."
He gave a big sigh:
"You really don't have to be jealous, you know. I'm just a fake boyfriend after all."
"Jealous? Of course I'm not! This is—"
Just as I was about to make my retort, the ｢kyaaaaaaa!｣ of a terrified little girl seemed to echo in the space around us.
It wasn't the type of cry that suggested a celebrity had just passed by, nor was it the type of joyous cry friends gave after running into each other due to fortuitous chance. This was more like a frightened cry for help.
"What was that sound just now?"
"It came from that alley over there."
Under the shadow of this large mixed residential-shopping skyscraper, we peaked into the alleyway to discover a girl, maybe a seventh grader, being sexually harassed by three delinquents.
"Heyyy—What's wrong with that?—Just hang out with us a little bit—"
"N-No!—I'll be late to cram school!"
That girl looked very uncomfortable.
She was wearing the uniform of a nearby prestigious girl's school. Her flowing, wavy long hair was glossy and supple, suggesting that she went to the beauty salon at least once a week. She was probably the precious ojou-sama of some rich family. There were a lot of arcade centers and karaoke bars near here, so there were a lot of guys with questionable character gathered about. For a girl like her to walk in this place was like ｢a lamb walking in a tiger's den｣. It was her own fault.
"That uniform is from Fevrielle Women's Academy, right? That skirt is so short~"
"Hey, wanna give me a peak of your panties? Alright? Just a little—a little peak!"
"Stop…… Please, let me go!"
"Hey, can you be a bit more resistant? I'm getting more and more excited~"
These vulgar guys started to laugh.
They simply were throwing out such stupid lines like something from a third-rate TV soap opera, that it made me wonder if there was a script in the first place.
In either case, having understood the situation, there was only one course of action.
"Hey, Masuzu, who are you calling?"
"The police."
"How fast!"
I shut my cellphone with a snap.
"For now we'll hand this over to the public authorities. No need to impulsively get involved and stir up trouble."
However, Kidou Eita alternated glances between the alley and my face. Then he spoke:
"But, the police won't get here right away. Before then, we need to come up with a plan."
"So specifically what do you want to do? Do you have the confidence you can win singlehandedly against three others?"
"......N-Not really."
"Getting killed while trying to save someone else is stupidest kind of act."
I started to walk away as if to mind my own business, and he very very reluctantly started to follow suit.
We walked wordlessly for a short period of time before we reached a convenience store at the corner of the street. Then, he suddenly gave a shout: "Ah, damn!"
"I-I forgot my textbook at school! I can't do my homework if I don't have that—! I have to go back and get it—!"
It was an obviously fake tone of voice, and his eyes were wandering above him.
He gave one last ｢You can go on ahead!｣ to the dumbstruck me before he rushed back down the street.
—He seriously can't even tell a lie.
I gave a sigh. How was he supposed to be my fake boyfriend for three years like this? It really made me anxious about the future.
A few days ago, something similar had happened too.
The irony is, after Harusaki Chiwa found out that Kidou Eita and I were dating, she suddenly wanted to become ｢popular｣ and managed to ask her senpai, Sakagami, on a date. However, that was nothing but a trap, and Harusaki Chiwa was taken as a complete joke by Sakagami and his friends.
That's when Kidou Eita rushed in.
He started a fight against four other young delinquents and was beaten into a sorry pulp. Even still, he wanted to help his childhood friend.
"It's a fool's action to launch an attack without having a strategy that can win."
I hate that kind of ｢brute force｣ aesthetics the most.
Because fights are also nothing more than a means to obtain something—they're not aims by themselves. To use this case as an example, winning is a prerequisite to rescuing the girl. Lose and you save nobody. If you don't have a strategy and you try fighting anyways, there's no point. It's just self-gratification.
However—
"There's no way he can just let it go, is there?"
I gave another sigh.
The words that I said to him earlier immediately came to mind. ｢If you mess up pretending to be my 『boyfriend』 during these three years of high school, it'll be a huge headache｣. As his ｢girlfriend｣, I needed to match myself suitably to his actions.
I needed to become a ｢girlfriend｣ that was a hot-headed guardian of justice.
I started heading back, my steps hurried as I returned to that tiny alley.
I gave a peek from under the shadow of that large building, and what I saw really didn't surprise me. He was beaten up with injuries all over his body. Even though he managed to protect the girl behind him, his face was bruised and hurt everywhere. No matter how you looked, he was at a disadvantage. Since he's the number one student at school, you'd think he'd at least be able to use his head a little.
I took a deep breath of air before I cried loudly into that corner:
"Police office-san—! They're right here! There's perverted rapist demons here!"
Those three delinquents all gave a huge start and looked in my direction.
After getting a good look at what they looked like, I shouted again:
"Hurry up! They're going to run away!"
Although this was a classic trick, I was actually very scared that that they'd call my bluff—but it seemed like it worked.
"This isn't funny!"
"There's no way I'm gonna get arrested for something like this—!"
Those punk tossed those terrible cheesy lines again before they started to flee towards the opposite end of the alley. It was so easy to guess how those group of guys would react. It really was just like a scripted scenario.
I approached him as he was still sitting there motionlessly in a daze.
"You know you're terrible at fighting but you still do this."
I took out my handkerchief and wiped away some of blood on his nose.
"W-Why are you here? How did you know I was lying?"
"Eita-kun, your strongest point is how deathly serious you are about your studies. There's no way you'd forget your textbook."
He seemed very embarrassed as he looked away.
"......The 'deathly' part was unnecessary."
"Then you're very very very very very serious, then."
As I pressed down over the bruises on his face with my handkerchief and moved, he gave a rather immature wail of pain.
"Seriously, what's with you. Why'd you run back? You should have known from the very beginning that you'd lose!"
"It's because I can't do it."
"What do you mean you can't do it?"
Kidou Eita gave a distorted smile through his face that was covered with bruises.
"I can't let my girlfriend see myself be such a wimp."
I couldn't help but be captivated by that smile of his.
But I soon as I realized that I was captivated, I felt angry.
At first I wanted to calm myself down, but my face had the opposite idea. I simply couldn't control myself from heating up.
…….Idiot.
Why did that so suddenly, that…...
"You're too arrogant! You're just a fake boyfriend!"
I got so angry, I just rubbed and rubbed and rubbed with all my strength.
"That huuuuuuuurrrrrrttttss! That hurts that hurts Masuzu-san! Forgive me! Forgive me!"
"There's no way I'll forgive you. I want you to understand that we have a master-slave relationship, Eita-kun!"
Just as I was about to keep pursuing this, I was tapped on the shoulder by another person.
It was that middle school girl that we saved earlier. I had completely forgotten about her existence and assumed she must have run away already.
At first I thought she'd just express her thanks, but against my expectations, she brought her face close to his and began to stare intently—she stared at him. How close. Her face was close. It was a little too close. I wonder why I'm beginning to feel a little angry?!
And then in that moment—
"Onii-chan!"
That girl took his head and tightly pulled it into her tiny chest. It was so outrageous! She actually went and took a guy whom she met for the first time and pressed his face on her boobs. At this age, did she already understand those ｢womanly｣ methods she had her at disposal?
—Wait, onii-chan?
That girl innocently made that declaration to us without the faintest trace of guilt on her face.
"We finally meet! Yoshiharu's onii-chan ♪!" [3]
——Kidou Eita——
★Favorite Color——Red
★Hobbies——None right now
★Special Abilities——Deathly studying, cooking
★Blood type——A
★Family——Aunt
★Type of preferred girl——The loving or affectionate type that doesn't argue
★Personality——Deathly serious, he pursues an ideal that he's created for himself and follows that creed. Although he's embarrassed about his past chuunibyou and wants to hide it, he's actually only converted his ｢chuunibyou｣ aesthetics to ｢anti-love｣. His intrinsic character hasn't really changed. Whether its for the better or the worse, he's forever a sufferer of chuunibyou.
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