Picture Book of My First Love - Chapter 1

introduction
 

“Oh! So the wedding’s next week?”

My hairdresser, Hoshino-san, whistled as he looked at my long hair.

Although I was shy, since he had been my hairdresser since high school, I was able to relax and enjoy making small talk with him like this.
 

“That’s right. They’re my classmates from high school, so they invited me to the ceremony….”

“Wow, and are the bride and groom from the same high school, too? Don’t tell me, they’ve been together since they were students?”

I nodded at him through my reflection in the mirror, and for some reason, I answered proudly,

“They’re childhood friends, too.”

“Seriously? Ah, what it is to be young…. It’s so bittersweet.”
 

Hoshino-san replied good-naturedly while also moving his hands precisely.

Listening to the sound of my hair being chopped off strangely put me at ease.

Maybe that was why I ended up blurting out something unnecessary.

“….Actually, she was my first love.”
 

Hoshino-san stopped working for a moment, and looked at me through the mirror.

“What kind of person was she?”

“Eh….?”

I couldn’t think of the right words when asked on the spot.

Even now, whenever I remember her, I felt something tighten inside my chest, and a bitter feeling would bubble up. But even those feelings were like happiness to me—
 

“She was like the sun on a hot, summer day.”

 

When I close my eyes, my memories of high school come back in vivid detail.

The memories of those bright, bittersweet days where I’d always given it my all.

 

Chapter 1
 

The last summer of high school went by a lot faster than usual.

Even though she was still in that summer vacation mode, the season steadily shifted to fall, leaving Miou behind.
 

Miou sat at the very top of the steps, and idly watched the setting sun.

’….It’s been a while since we last went home together like this.’

Today, there were two sets of shadows that stretched out at their feet.

It was such a simple thing, but she could feel the corners of her mouth twitching upwards.
 

Slipping a sideways glance at him, she saw that Haruki was watching the sunset just like her.

It had gotten chilly lately, but Haruki’s neck looked cool today, as well. Since he was always moving around in some way, maybe the sweater he wore underneath his blazer was enough to keep warm.
 

A close childhood friend. A classmate who she just happened to get along with, so she walked home with him.

If someone were to ask about her relationship with Haruki, that was probably how she would describe it.
 

But there was something that she kept a secret from everyone around her.

Haruki was in the Film Club, and Miou was part of the Art Club, but the two of them were working together on a movie, separate from their respective club activities.

Haruki was writing the script, and Miou was in charge of the key visuals. There was already significant progress on it.

However, due to their time being taken up by club activities and studying, in the end, even with it being the fall of their third year now, the movie was still unfinished.
 

’….Would it be wrong for me to say that I’ll finish it up?’

Miou had held back from saying so, knowing that Haruki must be busy, but maybe she should have said it, after all.

Just like that, there were a many times that Miou would refrain from saying something.

Even now as they were sitting right next to each other, their conversation had come to a standstill. 
 

’Uu, I have to talk about something….’

She thought out of nervousness, but her mind was completely blank.

Unable to take the silence, but unable to find a topic, Miou kept on adjusting her scarf over and over.

’Ah, it’s getting so warm. But at least like this, Haruki won’t be able to see how red my face is….’
 

Miou thought, before holding back a bitter smile.

Being nervous when she was next to Haruki was supposed to be a thing of the past. When they’d first met, she would blush as soon as he spoke to her. However, lately, they’d become close enough friends that could casually joke around.

’But now I’ve gone back to how I used to be….’
 

The last time that they’d gone home together was before summer vacation had started.

Back then, they’d still been able to talk like normal, and there wasn’t anything awkward between them.

But things had changed after what had happened during the meeting with the Film Club.

’….Even though it’s already been two months since then….’

Why was it that the English vocab word she had worked so hard to remember slipped away so easily, but the more she wanted to forget something, the deeper it would be engraved in her memory?

She could remember that day so vividly it hurt.
 

“Oh…? I never thought I’d meet someone that thinks the same way as me.”

“So the idea just comes to you? Looks like we’re more alike than I thought, huh?”

Just like that, Haruki spoke cheerfully with Akari, Miou’s close friend.

The conversation between two geniuses was something Miou had trouble understanding, and it was like she was hearing their voices from a distance away.
 

Incidentally, Haruki had only sharp words in regards to Miou’s drawings.

“Don’t the expressions seem kind of stiff?”

“The technique is good and all, but…. they feel more like references.”

Miou knew very well that were was no hidden meaning behind Haruki’s words.

There was no malice, or critical intent. He was just saying his thoughts aloud as is.
 

That was why the difference in his attitude towards Akari and her hurt so much.

The pain stabbed into her like a thorns, which soon sprouted ivy that gradually entwined itself around her chest. And then, before she realized, Miou was so paralyzed she could no longer move.
 

It was hard to be together with Haruki.

She wound up comparing herself to Akari, and it made her feel sad.

She hated herself for feeling this way, and decided to put distance between Haruki and herself.
 

”I’ll be going home with Nacchan and Akari-chan until I finish my piece for the art contest. Haruki-kun, good luck on your movie, too.”
 

The day after the meeting, she had sent Haruki that text, and he had replied with a plain, “Okay. Good luck.”

He didn’t ask for a reason, or even ask how long it would take.

’How can I be feeling lonely when I’m the one who suggested this….? I’m really so selfish….’
 

However, today, it had been Haruki who had asked to walk home together.

He didn’t ask her anything, and simply walked beside her.

If Miou was fine with it too, they should be able to walk home together again tomorrow.

And just like that, her relationship with Haruki could go back to how it was before summer vacation started.
 

’But, is this really okay….?’

Her chest that had been stabbed by thorns pulsed with pain.

The more she thought about it, the further away the answer felt.
 

’I….’

What did she want Haruki and her to be?

’I….’

She couldn’t confess like Natsuki, or share the same views as him like Akari.

The only thing she could do was maintain her position as his friend.
 

For starters, she needed to do something about this silence.

Miou bravely opened her mouth, knowing that it was her turn to come up with a topic this time.
 

“H-Haruki-kun, do you have a crush on anyone?”

Even Miou was surprised at the words that had come out of her mouth.

And Haruki, the one who the question was directed at, had widened his eyes.

“Ah, no, I mean, um….”

Miou frantically waved both hands in front of her face and desperately searched for the words.

’W-what should I say? It’d be weird if I said “Just kidding”….’

As she panicked, Haruki’s calm voice reached her ears.
 

“I do.”
 

For a moment, Miou wasn’t sure if she’d heard right.

When the answer came, she was so surprised that she stared intently at Haruki.

But Haruki had turned his face away, making it hard for her to see his expression.
 

“I do have a crush.”
 

Haruki said again, as if to make sure he was heard.

Miou felt as if a heavy weight had pressed down on her heart, and her vision turned white.

“Ah…. I see,”

Still trying to get her breathing in order, she muttered this half-unconsciously.

Her voice was faint, scarcely above a whisper, but it seemed like Haruki had heard her clearly enough. Still avoiding eye contact, he responded with a question.
 

“What about you?”
 

Should she just answer honestly?

Was what she thought, but her body was already way ahead of her.

Her lips quivered, vision blurred, and she slumped weakly.
 

Looking down, she saw Haruki’s left hand resting on the stair step.

And next to it was her right hand.

It was just within reach if she stretched her hand. All she had to do was move, and she could easily touch him.

But in reality, she couldn’t even lift a single finger.
 

Miou shook her head, as if to physically shake off the emotions welling up inside of her.

And with that momentum, she forced her voice up from her aching lungs.

“I do.”
 

There. She’d said it.

Just like how you can’t turn back time, she couldn’t take back what she’d just said.

Miou clenched her fists, and without waiting for Haruki’s reaction, she stood up.
 

Although she heard him take a breath beside her, she bit down on her bottom lip, fighting back the urge to turn around.

Picking up her bag that she’d left lying on the ground, Miou descended the stairs one step at a time.

When she got to the fourth step, she finally looked up at Haruki’s face.
 

“Oh, I just remembered I had something to do, so I’ll be going home now.”

“….Okay, see you later, then.”
 

Miou gave a small nod, and then hurried down the remaining steps as if to run away.

The blurry sunset she saw was so beautiful it made her want to cry.
 

❀　❁　❀　❁　❀
 

“It’s! So! Hot! I can’t believe it’s this hot when it’s still only July….”

“Haha. It looks like ice cream will taste especially good again this year.”

“That’s true! How about we stop by the gelato store in front of the station on the way home, then?”
 

Fourth period had ended a bit early, and the classroom was lively with the lunch break ahead of them.

As Natsuki and Akari talked cheerfully, Miou also nodded as she tidied up her desk.

“Gelato, huh. That sounds nice.”

“Ohh, so you’re coming too, Miou-chan?”

Akari smiled with her hands clasped together, while Natsuki grinned and shouted, “Yay!”

’That’s right, it’s completely summer now….’

As she listened to Natsuki and Akari’s cheery voices, Miou let out a sigh.

She had thought it wouldn’t be for a while, but in reality, summer vacation was less than a month away.

As third years, it was a more special time than usual for Miou and the others.

It made them realize how little time they had left until graduation, and how they couldn’t avoid moving forward. For Miou, she had summer prep school courses waiting for her, to prepare for her art school entrance exam.
 

How many times would she be able to hang out with Natsuki and Akari over summer vacation?

Since they were all in the Art Club together, they would be able to see each other even during the break.

But it might be difficult to meet that easily. Aside from their pieces for the contest, one of them would be helping with the Film Club’s movie.
 

’….And that’ll probably be Akari-chan.’

Even without waiting for the meeting after school, she had a feeling she knew how it would turn out.

Of course, they didn’t know what kind of pictures they were looking for yet, so all three of them had an equal chance.

But still, even so, she just couldn’t help feeling that Akari would be chosen.

That was how overwhelmingly talented she was, so much that Miou admired her, too.
 

“Since there’s some wind today, let’s eat in the courtyard! It’s been a while!”

“Wow, it’ll be like a picnic!”
 

While she was spacing out, Natsuki and Akari had gathered in front of her desk.

Both of them were holding a cooler bag that they had bought together at Natsuki’s favorite general store. Natsuki’s had orange and white stripes, and Akari’s had a light blue and white check pattern.

Seeing their colorful bags swaying, Miou quickly stood up from her seat.

“That’s right, if we sit under the shade of the trees, the sunlight won’t be too strong….”

With her white-with-pink-polka-dots cooler bag in hand, Miou voiced her consent, and Natsuki nodded with a meek smile.

“Good point! If we’re not careful, our hair will get all frizzy again.”

“….Ah.”

Natsuki seemed enthusiastic about going to secure a good spot, but then Akari muttered something.

Her gentle expression had suddenly stiffened.

’Did she remember she had an errand or something….?’

Just as Miou had predicted, Akari then clasped both of her hands together in front of her face as if in prayer.

“Sorry! I have something I need to take care of, so you two go on ahead.”

“Oh? We can wait until you finish with your errand?”

Miou agreed with Natsuki, but Akai just continued smiling and shook her head.

“I don’t know how long it’ll take, so I’d feel bad. It’s fine, really.”

“But….”

“Okay, see you later!”

Before Natsuki could finish, Akari left the classroom with her hair fluttering behind her.

The remaining two looked at each other simultaneously.
 

“Wasn’t Akari acting kind of weird….?”

Natsuki lowered her voice so that others around them wouldn’t hear, and Miou also covered her mouth like when telling a secret.

“Maybe she promised to meet with someone.”

“….Ah, I get it. You mean she went to go hear some guy’s confession?”

For their pretty and sociable friend, this kind of thing was almost an everyday occurrence.

Natsuki seemed to have caught on right away, and nodded while saying, “I see, I see.”
 

“That’s always the case whenever she doesn’t explain the reason, like just now.”

If it had to be one or the other, Akari was the airheaded type, and sometimes even seemed rather indifferent, but she never let anyone know when someone had confessed to her.

As Miou pointed that out, Natsuki sighed in admiration.

“Now that you mention, you might be right…. You’re so observant, Miou.”

“R-really?”

Even though she knew it was a compliment, why did she feel so uncomfortable?

In an attempt to cover it up, Miou gave a somewhat awkward smile.
 

“But anyway, Akari is sooo popular….”

Natsuki said as if in disbelief, but since they weren’t poking fun at her right now, it didn’t come off sounding as if she was jealous, either.

It was clearly because she saw a glimpse of their friend’s sufferings.

No matter how hard Akari tried to keep quiet about it, the news would eventually spread because of the person who was rejected or someone who had seen the confession happen.

The only good part was that no one ever said anything bad about Akari.

’It’s because Akari-chan never treats anyone differently than the rest.’
 

Actually, Miou had witnessed what had looked to be one of those confessions before.

The one confessing had been the captain of the Tennis Club, who was in their year.

She already learned this later, but apparently there was a lot of gossip about him, like how he’d been scouted to be a “reader model” while shopping, or how girls from other schools would come to watch his matches.
 

“I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t go out with someone I don’t really know.”

When Miou had returned to the classroom after forgetting something, it looked like the confession had already ended, with Akari lowering her head in apology.

But the guy didn’t back down, and continued as if he was used to this kind if scenario.

”Then, how about giving me a week? To see if it’ll work out for us or not.”

”Huh? We’re deciding how long we’re going to be friends?”
 

Their conversation didn’t line up exactly, but he seemed to somehow get the message and laughed it off.

So that’s why everyone says Hayasaka-san is so hard to get with, he said.

He probably didn’t think that Akari was the type to purposely change the subject. Because he’d accepted what she’d said as genuine remark and not part of any scripted plan, he was able to chose to give up with dignity.
 

“It’s calmed down a bit now that we’re third years, but lately, they seem to getting more frequent again. Is it because they’re trying to get their confessions in before summer vacation starts? Come to think of it, Haruki said a girl asked to meet with him, too.”

“I-I see….”

Her voice came out sounding more serious than she’d thought, causing Miou to quickly cover her mouth.

Natsuki waved her arms about frantically as well, as if in realization of her mistake.

“But, um, he turned her down, of course! After all, he’s a movie-obsessed idiot.”
 

Since Natsuki was Haruki’s childhood friend, she was probably telling the truth.

But that was exactly why Mious couldn’t help but think,

Even if she confessed to Haruki someday, would it just end up the same way?

’….I can’t compete with his movies.’
 

Noticing Miou’s sudden silence, Natsuki tried changing the subject.

“Speaking of which, I heard that Koyuki-kun got a fan club, or something like that. It’s not a one-on-one thing like a confession, so they totally swarm him even during club activities. Must be tough.”

Miou had heard about Koyuki’s situation, as well.

Ever since Koyuki’s dramatic transformation, there were some that half-jokingly called it a scam.

’That’s a mean way of putting it, but I guess that’s just how shocked everyone was.’
 

Koyuki’s transformation had been at the beginning of the month.

Without any warning, he had come to school with his long hair cut, and his glasses switched out for contacts.

Miou had been shocked as well, but she hadn’t anything to him in person. Although they were classmates, she’d never really talked to Koyuki before, so it would feel a bit strange to do so now.
 

’The only person he’s really friends with in class is probably Nacchan….’

Natsuki didn’t seem to realize it, but she was probably the reason why Koyuki had changed himself.

Even just by watching the two of them exchanging manga from the sidelines, Koyuki’s feelings for Natsuki were clear. He wasn’t rushing it, but he probably wanted to at least confess before they graduated.
 

“What about you, Nacchan? Anything new between you and Setoguchi-kun?”

Miou avoided touching on the topic of Koyuki, and instead asked about Natsuki and her situation.

Natsuki choked on her words, and stopped in front of the staircase.

After a short silence, she mumbled her reply.

“….As usual, he still thinks he’s just a practice partner.”
 

In order to put an end to her long-standing unrequited feelings, Natsuki had confessed to her childhood friend, Yuu, last weekend.

It’d been going well so far with her finally mustering up the courage to tell him her feelings, but she got so nervous waiting for a reply that she ended up playing it off as a “confession rehearsal.”

Yuu had believed her, and misunderstood the person she really liked to be someone else.

Unable to take back her lie, Natsuki was now in the complicated situation of practicing confessions with the guy she actually liked.
 

’I know that Nacchan feels depressed about it, but I still it’s pretty amazing….’

To Miou, the act of confessing itself, and trying again without being behind back by accidents, took as much courage as bungee jumping off a cliff.

Natsuki, who was able to actually take action and be true to her feelings, was dazzling to her.
 

“And what about you, Miou?”

Turning around to meet eyes with Natsuki, Miou immediately avoided eyes contact and the topic altogether.

“….We need to go find a bench before Akari-chan comes back!”

As Miou made her way down the stairs as if to escape, Natsuki chimed in with a delayed response.

“Huh? Hey, wait~”
 

As she listened to Natsuki’s voice behind her, she reached up to touch her cheek that was suddenly burning.

’I hope it’s okay. It’s not obvious I’m red, is it….?’

Since she was acting so suspiciously now, Natsuki was sure to see right through her.

Even though there was no point in hiding it, why did she keep running away like this?

Because it was embarrassing somehow. Because Natsuki and Haruki were childhood friends.

She could think of several reasons why, but she knew that the real reason was none of those.

’….Someone like me…. I can’t tell Haruki that I like him.’
 

Haruki had always been above average in everything, and the center of attention.

And with his independent films getting awards one after the other, by the time he was a second year, he was steadily gaining popularity with all the girls at school.

’When the Film Club first started, I remember there being a flood of female applicants.’

The reason that all those girls hadn’t been able to join was because Yuu and Souta had carefully taken safety precautions for (as Natsuki called him) “the movie-obsessed idiot,” Haruki. Since then, it became an unspoken agreement that only male members were allowed, and the girls settled for watching from afar.
 

The exceptions to that were Natsuki and Miou.

Just by looking at the situation, while Natsuki was exempt as the childhood friend, Miou seemed like she might be the subject of jealousy, but it turned out that the girls around them were somehow relieved.

That was because of the fact that Haruki and Miou were nothing more than friends.
 

’….I wonder if we’ll always have this distance between us.’

Despite the fact that she couldn’t admit her feelings to one of her closest friends, she couldn’t stand things going on this way.

As those contradicting feelings grew stronger, Miou couldn’t help but let out a sigh.

 

Strong rays of light shone in from the window, and the shadows by her feet grew darker like each passing day.

The last summer vacation of their high school life was soon approaching.