Chapter 132 - What A King
People in the royal family were most untrustworthy. People would rather believe the existence of the ghosts in the world than the words that came out of those royalty’s mouths!
That was wisdom.
The king smiled and said, “Fine. With my presence, you will very likely feel restrained. Fine. I will leave after several drinks. I don’t want to be the uninvited guest.”
And then he sighed and said, “Brothers who have fought with me side by side in the battle are now distant to me… Oh. What a shame…”
He pointed at someone in the crowd and said smilingly, “Meng Lao-Wu, don’t hide behind others! You shared one tent with me. I remember there was a midnight when you had loose bowels, you shitted your pants in front of my bed. Don’t you remember that? Damn it! You kept saying you were disgraced in front of me. Did you think you were any better before it… Now you actually stopped talking to me. Maybe your bald head was even worse than your useless pxnis…”
Meng Lao-Wu was a big guy with a bald head. There were some scars on his face. He rubbed his head and murmured, “You highness, how could you say that… If you didn’t secretly make me take some cathartic, how could I shit my pants… And now you have seen how embarrassed I was…”
What he said immediately made everybody laugh loudly!
The king was laughing too. He said, “And you… You, Han Lao-San, Song Lao-Qi, Bai Xiao-Jiu. And you, you… You bastards. We agreed to catch some fish, but when I jumped into the water naked, you ran away with my clothes! I kept covering my crotch and stayed there until the night came. When I just arrived at the barrack, you motherfxkers actually lit up all the torches and shouted. You actually made me naked under the light and let everybody know I am giving some good show… I was so embarrassed! Did you actually forget about that?”
He stared at them and acted like he was angry, “You ungrateful bastards!”
The king kept telling the old stories of them and the atmosphere from before returned a bit.
Some of them said, “Your highness, you can’t blame us on that one… You can’t just tell the story about you being naked. It was in the desolate north. There wasn’t even a female rabbit, yet you secretly made us take some philter… We have been staying in the cold water for a whole night to get over it. What we did to you was quite a kind respond already…”
The king laughed, “You lazy shameless fool. You dared to get me naked those years, yet now you are too scared to drink with me. Are you really that of a coward?”
The king had made these men recall their deep memories. They suddenly felt cozy about it. They started to shout, “Come on then! Drink!”
In the old days, they would have probably said ‘do you have the guts to drink it up then’!
Yet now they truly didn’t dare to speak out this kind of words!
“Make it a bottle then! Screw the cups!” The king was heroic and he raised a big bottle, “I will either make you die drinking or make you puke!”
“Wait, wait, wait… Your highness.” Meng Lao-Wu got over and said, “Just in case. I think I have to check your bottle. It could be a bottle of water. We all know you. You always play a scheme while drinking. We are vulgar men, but we are not fool. We can be fooled once, but never again. We remember things anyway…”
People laughed loudly when
they heard him. They shouted together, “Good point! Good words! Go on! Check the bottle!”
Meng Lao-Wu checked the bottle and found that it was really a bottle of water. He was shocked, “Well, your highness. So many years have passed and you still do this. I am admiring you…”
The king rubbed his nose and was embarrassed, “You son of bxxch. How dare you disgrace me like this. I am not gonna forget this…”
“Punishment! Punishment! That was so over. Hahahaha…” People started to shout together.
Behind the king, there was an old eunuch with a white face. He was holding his belly laughing and gasping at the moment. He spoke brazenly and weakly, “Oh your highness, it is so funny here. What you said truly made me laugh to death… I felt like I got impotent immediately…”
The generals and the king who had been laughing together were now quiet. They looked at the old eunuch for a while. And then the king finally spoke, “You… Got impotent?”
The old eunuch wiped the tears on his eyes and said happily, “Yes… I felt like I got impotent at once…”
“Puff!”
The king spat out the liquor he had just drunk and laughed. The generals all burst into laughter that seemed to shake the heavens.
[A eunuch… actually said that he got impotent…
That was brilliant!
Does he still have that thing down there?]
Because of this joke, the embarrassment that restrained them was finally gone. The king was so into these generals. He shouted and laughed. He started to rub his hands and rolled up his sleeves. He kept drinking with one old friend after another.
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