CHAPTER 8
LOVE LETTER
1
—Deep inside the being known as himself , something set down roots, asserting its own existence.
Subaru did not even know if the heat it bore was hot or cold. Yet, the strange feeling of something black and stagnant circulating in Subaru Natsuki from corner to corner gave him some idea as to what it was.
Therefore, he asked not why or how , or even what for .
There was no reason to ponder such things. That left only one matter for him to worry about.
—Invisible Blow. Unseen Palms. Blindside Impact.
Each sounded atrociously derivative. They weren’t stylish at all.
These were arms that none save Subaru could ever see, and none save Subaru might ever control. Accordingly—
“A divine will unseen by the eye…therefore, I dub thee Invisible Providence …”
“…Er, what did you, say just now?”
When Subaru weakly opened his eyes, murmuring with his mind still vague, a questioning voice called out to him. Leaping into his vision, her eyes open wide, was a beautiful, upside-down face—not an angel’s, but Emilia’s.
Slowly comprehending this, Subaru blinked several times, realizing he had awoken from a dream. Simultaneously, he took in the sight of Emilia before his eyes and the soft sensation under his head.
“Ahh… Emilia-tan’s giving me a lap pillow again…”
“Mm, that’s right. How many times have I given Subaru a lap pillow by now?”
“I’m a little hazy, but this is the third time, maybe? It’s a reward for getting over the first big hurdle, so…”
“Yes, yes.”
Emilia let Subaru’s playful words of savoring his reward glide over her in her familiar manner. From there, Subaru accessed his memory from just prior to losing consciousness, recalling he had been punched extensively.
“Hey, Emilia-tan. How’s my face? It’s not in a state you’d never want to look at again, is it?”
“Ahh, it’s fine. It’s not that weird.”
“And she’s not even trying to be mean!”
Subaru gazed at Emilia’s mystified expression as he lightly tried to move his own limbs. Somehow, he managed to budge them. His bones creaked, and he was bruised all over his body, but he didn’t mind it enough to complain.
“Ah, goodness, don’t be rash. It’s no good unless you rest.”
“I really don’t want to leave the paradise that is Emilia-tan’s lap, either…but I have to go searching quick. Otto and Ram could be out there dying in the woods.”
From his restored memories, Subaru recalled that it was Otto who had driven Garfiel into a corner. According to Garfiel, Ram had assisted him, but he remained concerned for the pair’s safety. Judging from Garfiel’s personality, he shouldn’t have actually taken their lives, but—
“Before they expire in the forest, I’ve gotta save Ram at least…”
“Stop imagining us expiring and worry about me a little more, would you?!”
“I-I’d recognize that fierce comeback anywhere…”
When Subaru tried to put life into his wobbly body and sit up, he widened his eyes hearing the voice immediately beside him. When he shifted his gaze from Emilia to the direction of the voice, a filthy-looking young man sitting on the tomb’s stone steps entered his vision.
Though marred by soil, mud, and blood, the sight was, beyond any doubt, Otto Suwen. Seeing Subaru’s gaze, he raised his clasped hands, his lips loosening into a leer.
“This applies a fair bit to me, but it seems you went through quite a terrible time as well, Mr. Natsuki. But…”
“Why, you—!”
“Gyaah—?!”
As Otto exuded a casual air, Subaru leaped at him, delivering a headbutt. Taking the blow in the gut, Otto fell at Subaru’s feet as he raised an anguished moan.
“Wh-what is this all of a sudden?! I was praising our shared experience in a hard fought battle just now!”
“Shut up, you stupid moron! Don’t go acting all cool! You freelancing almost blew up the whole plan! But without your assist, I wouldn’t have been able to nail Garfiel, either, so it’s not like I don’t feel grateful, okay?!”
“I don’t even know what you’re saying anymore!”
Though relieved he was safe, and grateful for his aid, Subaru’s blushy, contradictory expression of that gratitude left Otto shouting in a loud voice.
That truly Otto-like reaction made Subaru pat his chest with relief.
“Either way, glad you’re safe. If you died, I figured you’d turn into a ghost and haunt me at my bedside… Is Ram all right, too?”
“Yes, though my liver went cold when I awoke and found Ram lying on the ground. I was quite relieved to find her state was not as bad as it looked. If anything, the poison she spewed after I carried her on my back was worse.”
“She talks super-strict to anyone but the people closest to her… How’d you convince her anyway?”
“One of the conditions for her cooperation was that I would not to speak about it to you, Mr. Natsuki.”
Covering his mouth with both hands, Otto’s demeanor made it clear he had no intention of explaining further.
To be blunt, it was probably futile to try and make Otto spill the beans, not that he had a chance even if he wanted to. Surely, such a sensible human being wouldn’t be foolish enough to risk his life to go along with Subaru’s crazy demands.
“Damn it.”
“Ow! What did you punch me for just now?!”
“He’s hiding his embarrassment, Otto. That’s all.”
Emilia smiled as she joined Subaru and Otto’s exchange. Then Subaru saw Patlash, who, at some point, had come to Emilia’s side. When the land dragon brought her nose close, Emilia gently stroked it with her white fingers. The interaction was most unexpected.
“My Emilia-tan and my Patlash are getting along so well…what a nice scene.”
“Don’t say stupid things. This girl has been worried for you this entire time, Subaru.”
“Mm, I get that.”
Subaru smiled wryly at Emilia’s scolding, walking close to Patlash on his own two feet. Then he reached a hand out to her black scales to give her some gratitude-infused petting. However—
“Gwah?! Wh-why?!”
When a blow from her tail made him pull his hand back, Subaru objected to Patlash with teary eyes. But rather than relent, Patlash glared back at him with reproach in her yellow eyes. She even raised a sour growl that made Subaru cringe.
“Shall I interpret?”
“Nah, even I don’t need you to interpret this…”
When Otto offered some consideration from behind, Subaru shook his head, letting out a small sigh.
“— Don’t make me worry like that , right?”
“Also, addendums with a sense of Don’t get cocky , There won’t be a next time , and Become mine already with a fair hint of anger.”
“That’s some serious heroine power at work. Jumping into the race to be my leading girl?”
With a content face, Subaru extended his hand once more. This time, when he did so, Patlash accepted Subaru’s hand, acting as if it couldn’t be helped as she took it as an apology.
Otto and Patlash—in the Sanctuary, these two had done nothing but save him.
Just like usual, he had to borrow the strength of many in order to overcome a mountain that his strength was insufficient to overcome himself. Would a day truly come when he could pay it all back?
“Now that I’m thinking of the mountain I’m indebted to you all for breaking past, where’s Garfiel?”
“Ah, Garfiel is over there. I think it’s best not to get in the way, though.”
“Whaddaya mean, get in the way?”
As Subaru inclined his head, Emilia touched a finger to her lips.
“You see…right now, Ram is looking after him, so…”
2
“Garf, are you awake?”
The first thing he saw when he awoke was a girl’s lovely face.
He felt conflicted. It was the first thing he’d wanted to see, and also, it wasn’t. The fact that his chest was faintly beating louder made Garfiel avert his eyes as he cleared his throat a single time.
“Yeah…I’m awake. —Dah?!”
“Then move already. My legs are getting numb.”
Instantly, Garfiel was thrust from a soft sensation down onto the grassy soil. When he shot her a resentful glare, Ram, sitting her hip on the grassy field as she brushed off her thigh, went “What?” as she made a sour face.
One would never think it was the demeanor of a girl who’d lent the unconscious Garfiel her knees up until moments ago.
“Just like usual, a girl without one shred o’ kindness…”
“Ram believes that kindness is something one must give to a person worthy of receiving it. If Ram fails to give any, Ram did not believe that it was appropriate.”
“…I ain’t worth it, huh?”
“From that sentence, it is obvious you prefer I had said something else. This is why you and Barusu are both hopeless. You must be smoother than that if you wish to hear a girl’s true thoughts.”
“Ow!”
As he lowered his eyes, Ram flicked a finger off his forehead.
The blow was inflicted upon the scar on his brow, which he had a habit of touching. Rubbing that white scar, Garfiel rested his eyes on the sight of Ram in her filthy clothes.
It was none other than he who had made them that way, yet Ram was exerting herself for him nonetheless.
“Ram, ain’t no scars left on yer body? If there are, be my bride and I’ll…”
“I shall not. Take responsibility for my scars some other way. —In the first place, you had a lot of cheek to do that, Garfiel. How you dare leave an injured Ram behind back there.”
“ ? ”
Ram’s harsh, overbearing gaze cowed Garfiel into silence.
The anger in her eyes also held criticism for the end of their battle. Having knocked Ram to the ground and thrust Otto into a thicket, Garfiel, out of weakness, had not sought to settle things with their deaths.
He’d hesitated against someone he cared for. There was that. But Garfiel hadn’t been serious against Otto, who he didn’t care for, or even Subaru.
—Because he lacked the most important thing for a warrior: courage.
That was why he’d tried to rely on his blood, turning into a mindless beast to avert his eyes from the consequences. His hypocrisy, for relying only at times like that on the blood he normally detested and cursed, made him sick.
How could Garfiel protect the Sanctuary with one deceit piled upon another—
“Garf…you’re an idiot, so thinking about it is useless.”
“…Wha?”
“I am not saying to turn into a beast and abandon all logic. I am saying that transforming makes you even stupider than when you try to think. It is far better to fight thinking of nothing with a completely empty head.”
As Garfiel sat cross-legged on the ground, the irritated Ram’s assertion made his eyes bulge in astonishment.
It was better to say that Ram, the victor, was gazing down upon Garfiel, the vanquished. He didn’t mind her talking like that, but was it really necessary to speak to Garfiel about things that might lie ahead?
After all, he was the vanquished. A suitable punishment was sure to be forthcoming.
“Watch out next time. After all, you will be fighting for Ram and Emilia hereafter.”
“—Whaa?!”
At a juncture where he expected her to pass judgment on him, Ram’s words shook him to his core.
Garfiel’s face reddened. He clacked his sharp fangs as he digested the statement.
“Stop messin’ with me! After doin’ all this, bein’ your enemy, stompin’ all over what you people think…you’re sayin’ you’d forgive me and take me as one of yer own?!”
“Don’t be absurd. I’m saying you need to work for it because we don’t forgive you. You cannot beg for forgiveness without offering something in return, can you? Ram won, and Garf lost. Be a good boy and do as I say.”
“This is so messed up!!”
Hopping to his feet, Garfiel stomped his heel against the ground.
Instantly, his body wobbled, but his wounds were largely healed. He tightly clenched a fist.
“I accept that I lost! But acceptin’ and yieldin’ are two different things! Me, I’m in fightin’ shape even now! If ya wanna do things I don’t want, ya shoulda just killed me! If ya wanna pick up where we left off right…”
“Enough whimpering!”
It should have been an angry, awe-inspiring shout, but one rebuke from Ram laid Garfiel’s efforts to waste.
Her pink eyes looked upward. The raw intimidation in them made Garfiel draw in his breath.
“You lost, didn’t you, Loser Cat Garf? Just how long do you intend to dawdle and look pathetic in front of the girl you like? The instant you lost, you went from blaming others to blaming yourself, pointing your fangs inside instead of outside. That’s all, isn’t it? So, so stupid.”
“Uh, um…”
The barrage of words hit the bull’s-eye so accurately, Garfiel’s words caught in his throat.
“…J-just because I lost, what, I should make some stupid smile and line up on your side? There’s no way I can do that! I accept I lost, but I ain’t acceptin’ I was wrong!”
This was neither desperation nor an attempt to wiggle out. It was how Garfiel truly felt.
“Yeah, that’s right, I accept I lost… Losing ’cause of numbers ain’t no excuse. But me, I don’t think I was wrong. This feels half-done.”
He could not betray himself from up to that moment. It was impossible for him to submit to Ram and the others, even for pretense’s sake.
“If you do not wish to stay half-done, prove that you are not standing still.”
“…What did you say?”
As Garfiel breathed raggedly, Ram spoke those words in a quiet voice. Unable to grasp what they were meant to convey, Garfiel knit his brows—and the next moment, his eyes widened and froze.
Sitting on the grassy field, Ram lifted up a hand, turning its white fingers toward him. —When he realized what those fingers were showing him, Garfiel’s heart froze solid.
“I can largely imagine what Barusu would say. Also, you do not need to be afraid, Garf. —So you should go see with your own eyes.”
“The tomb’s Trial…”
The instant he put the words to his tongue, Garfiel’s back was drenched with cold sweat. His breaths quickened, and his heartbeats became ragged. He heard his youthful self’s sad crying ringing in his ears.
“Garf, can you change? Or will you remain a cowering, unmoving little boy?”
“Cut that out. The way ya said that makes even me wanna deny it…”
Garfiel rang out in protest at Ram’s words. Tensely, he realized he had not firmly told her I won’t go , remaining in the chasm between the two choices: I’ll go and I won’t .
—He was being completely taken for a ride. By Ram. By Subaru Natsuki.
Even though he remembered that fear, a part of him did want to make sure.
His body was stiff with fright, his body was letting out wails of rejection, and his soul howled fiercely.
Even as he spat blood, Subaru had stood before Garfiel and shouted what he believed—namely, that he needed to find out if he could win against himself on that day of his childhood or not.
“Your face says your resolve is set.”
He realized that the trembling of his fangs and the cold sweat over his entire body had eased.
When Garfiel turned around, Ram was brushing leaves from her hip as she stood up beside him. Gazing at her face, Garfiel suddenly had a thought.
Deep down, he felt that Ram didn’t regard getting Garfiel on her side as all that important.
Why, then, had Ram cooperated with Subaru and the others and scolded him then and there?
—Wasn’t Ram simply putting her foot on her childhood friend’s back to give him a push?
If that was true, the woman he loved was quite a woman indeed.
“Well, it’ll be fine, Garf.”
Garfiel was pressed into silence. Taking that silence as unease, Ram, for once, spoke with a warm tone of voice as she peered at Garfiel, giving his bare shoulder a light pat.
“If you see something scary enough to make you cry, Ram will console you. —A favor to an old acquaintance.”
3
—When he entered the tomb for the first time in ten years, the air was as stagnant as the last time.
Passing through the cramped, stonework corridor and walking amid a cool wind, Garfiel grimaced at the scent of settled dust in his nostrils as he advanced toward the back to the sound of his own bare feet.
“Don’t wanna stay long in this place.”
Garfiel murmured as, within his chest, the sound of his heartbeats gradually sped up.
Go to the back, and the Trial was there. As a half-blood, Garfiel held the qualification to challenge it; as night came, the tomb’s lighting came on, as if to welcome its challenger.
Go to the back, and the Trial was there. So, too, the past that had inflicted an indelible wound on him in his childhood.
Go to the back, and the Trial was there. Would touching it one more time change anything?
“…Pathetic. That’s what I came all this way here to find out, damn it.”
Dwelling on that sound logic, he scorned the timidity of his own heart.
He’d been angrily yelled at by Ram, beaten to a pulp, and treated as a tiny fool before yielding like a little girl. He hadn’t wanted to realize or understand just how cowardly he truly was.
—Then and there, it was within his power to destroy the tomb’s corridor, rendering everything else moot.
The recuperative power of the blessing of earth spirit was extraordinary. Already, he had regained enough strength to destroy the tomb. Ram and the others waiting outside had no means of stopping him. He could spoil the results of such an agonizing battle, rendering it all for naught. —Hadn’t she and the others realized that much?
“Damn it all.”
Of course they had.
Setting aside Emilia, who knew too little about doubting people, and Otto, who was short of a few important components, there was no way the highly observant Ram or the very calculating Subaru would fail to see that possibility.
In other words, they firmly believed that Garfiel would not destroy the tomb. Perhaps they thought he was too chicken to do it. —Or perhaps, they trusted him.
The answer to that question, too, likely lay beyond the moment he overcame the Trial.
“ ? ”
In all bluntness, Garfiel had kept inside the Sanctuary, worrying about everything with his woefully insufficient head. In only a few days, ten years of that had been turned on its head.
He never dreamed his own feet would carry him to the tomb’s stone room once more.
“…Ahh?”
He arrived at the innermost chamber, a stonework room enveloped by a faint, blue light. Having visited this place after ten years, Garfiel crossed his arms, sensing that something was off. Something gave off some kind of strange impression.
A difference in the stone room entered his keen nocturnal vision. Garfiel squinted his eyes at this—
“—First, face your past.”
That instant, his vision swayed, and something indistinct covered his thoughts.
The past was coming—
4
One might call it a mysterious feeling to awaken within a dream.
“ ? ”
Crinkling his nose, Garfiel slowly stood up and surveyed his surroundings.
What flew into his vision was a most familiar forest—but compared with the scenery Garfiel knew, this forest was over ten years “younger.” Garfiel, who was in contact with the forest on a daily basis, knew as much.
This was the past. The Trial had begun, and he was in the Sanctuary of ten years past.
“No doubtin’ it now, huh…”
Clenching a fist, Garfiel let the words trickle out as he made a bitter face.
It was obvious that this was the past. It was expressed more eloquently than any words, more obviously than seeing how the trees were young again—and it was thanks to the scene spread immediately before Garfiel’s eyes.
—It was a scene of three women exchanging words in a place close to the Sanctuary’s barrier.
One had youthful features with long, pink hair—Ryuzu. Another was ten years of age, give or take, and she was a girl with delicate, silky, beautiful golden hair—his older sister, Frederica.
And standing facing the two of them was a woman with golden hair in a triple braid, her eyes downcast with a gentle look on her face. She was holding a young child against her chest.
“—M-Mom.”
The sight of his mother and Garfiel’s younger self made a weak voice trickle out of his throat. However, the tiny voice with which he called his mother did not reach, failing to affect the scene in any way.
Of course it didn’t. No one could change or interfere with the past.
“ ? ”
As Garfiel trembled and stood rooted to the spot, his mother and Ryuzu exchanged words.
And yet, the contents of the words and the reactions to those words—nothing reached Garfiel at all.
Ryuzu’s sense of loneliness, Frederica’s feelings as she held back tears, the thoughts of their weakly smiling, seemingly conflicted mother, or even his innocently smiling, idiotic younger self—none of it was conveyed to him, for this was Garfiel’s memory of the time.
The conversation could not be replayed, because the young Garfiel had no memory of it. The silent projection repeated itself over and over, as if to rub in that he was powerless and far too late.
“…Either way, no doubtin’ it was a stupid argument in the first place.”
Considering what happened afterward, he could guess what they were talking about.
His mother was trying to abandon the forest to go to the outside world, and Ryuzu and Frederica were trying to stop her. Garfiel was the only one with a blissfully ignorant look, thinking only of his happiness at being embraced by his mother.
Youth was his excuse for not realizing he was watching his mother go off to her death—
“—!! You shitty brat!!”
Seeing the smile on his younger self’s face, Garfiel angrily thrust his claws forward.
He wanted to rip the guy to shreds—his past self that was ignorant and powerless to do anything but watch.
And yet, his claws passed right through the young child, and right through the arms of the mother who held him. He stomped the ground, trying to send it flying as if to kill off his past. The blessing did not activate.
—He could not interfere with the past. That was the absolute rule of the Trial.
“Then…then why?! Why show me this scene, damn it?!!”
What Trial? What past? What Witch of Greed testing ground?
Nothing changed. Nothing could change. His mother was dead. He was weak, able to save nothing. Nothing.
Was that just how it was? Was this all there was to the world? Was the Trial there to teach him that?
“ ? ”
He went down on one knee. The actresses playing out the tragedy of the past did not notice Garfiel kneeling.
He’d come to gaze directly at his never-ending regrets, digging into his wound from ten years prior and making it bleed. Was this fine? Was this to be the conclusion of his challenging the Trial after being kicked around by the girl he yearned for?
“No…”
He clenched his teeth so much that they creaked. Glaring at the soil, Garfiel’s desires trickled out from his lips.
No. No. No, no, no. He would not have it end like this.
—After all, Garfiel had hoped that something would change, that something would change him.
He knew it was convenient talk, but Garfiel had hoped. Having held for ten years that never changing was right, he’d hoped for a change, for turning over a new leaf.
After all, a powerless man had shouted it to him. A man strong enough to defeat even him had shouted.
The past. The barrier. The Sanctuary. His family. Just like them, he stood still, never changing.
Yet, even though he stood still, never changing, it wasn’t over.
—The guy said it, didn’t he? If he wished I want to start , he was free to start again.
“Then…!”
“—You are leaving no matter what?”
Abruptly, as Garfiel leaned down, a familiar voice struck his ears.
However, by rights, it was a voice he should not have heard. It was a voice from the past, one that surely could not reach him.
“Yes, I shall go. Though, it shall cause you a great deal of trouble, Lady Ryuzu…”
“I do not particularly mind. The issue is how these children feel.”
Words were exchanged between family he was used to hearing from, and family he was not.
Ryuzu wore a grudging look as his mother spoke to her. For as long as he could remember, it was the first time he had heard his mother’s voice.
Drawing in his breath, Garfiel’s thoughts were stolen what was unfolding.
Gazing lovingly at the Garfiel in her arms, his mother gently rocked his body. Gazing up at that same mother, Frederica grasped the hem of her skirt and wrung out her voice.
“M-Mother…I—I…”
“I am sorry, Fuu. I’m sure I will make you worry a great deal, too.”
“That’s fine. I am all right…but I feel sorry for Garf.”
“I want to go together, but your Mommy is a klutz, so I am sure it would be very hard for Gar. Fuu, though you are Mommy’s child, you are very responsible, so please.”
Lonely as she felt, Frederica was dutifully seeing their mother off.
For the first time, Garfiel learned that his older sister had agreed with his mother leaving the Sanctuary. For her part, Ryuzu embraced the trembling Frederica’s shoulders, respecting her will.
“Give these to both of them. One to Fuu and one to Gar.”
Their mother took off the two necklaces that hung from her own neck. Both of them had blue, inlaid crystals hanging from them. It had nothing to do with qualifications as an Apostle or anything of the sort. She simply wore them because they were pretty.
And because she loved pretty things, she handed them to her adorable son and daughter as gifts. That was all it was.
That was all it took for Garfiel to never, ever let go of his stone.
“Gar, your mommy is heading out now.”
As she addressed him, Garfiel’s mother lifted up the necklace and smiled toward him. His mother’s resolve unbeknownst to him, the little child innocently smiled. His mother gently kissed him on his forehead.
She’d kissed him on the same part of his forehead where his scar now was.
“I’m sure I will bring your father back. Wait for me until then, yes?”
“—!!”
Her eyes were filled with kindness and love, her words overflowing with sympathy.
Then, finally, she handed the young Garfiel over to Ryuzu.
Firmly embracing Garfiel’s body, Ryuzu nodded and smiled to his mother. From there, his mother and Frederica embraced each other; she kissed her beloved daughter’s forehead in the same manner she had her son’s.
Garfiel slumped to the ground, gazing at that in a daze.
—What was happening? What was this scene? Whose memory was this?
The Trial of the past he’d seen ten years prior, when he knew nothing about anything, was more irredeemable than this, wasn’t it? It was a memory of despair that bit into his very flesh, wasn’t it?
After all, his own mother had abandoned him and his older sister, leaving in search of her own happiness, hadn’t she? She cast away the lives that inconvenienced hers, walking toward a life of her own.
Now everything, everything , had turned on its head, wasn’t it?
“Mother loved us. She loved me, and she loved you.”
Reflexively, Garfiel lifted his face toward the voice that was directed toward him just then.
It was his young older sister who had spoken to the kneeling Garfiel. Staring at him with the same jade eyes as his, the past that Garfiel could supposedly never interfere with was staring right through him.
The world had come to a halt; so, too, his mother, Ryuzu, and his younger self. That left only his older sister, and the current him.
In that stopped world, his older sister inclined her head, posing Garfiel a question.
“Mother left the Sanctuary for the sake of her family. Are you dissatisfied with this?”
“D-don’t mess with me like this! What’s up with telling me she loved me?! What are you tryin’ to do to…?”
“I suppose this would be easier on you if she did not love you.”
The young Frederica spoke to Garfiel, whose voice was caught, as if pitying him.
The difference in their heights was literally that of an adult compared with a child. And yet, regardless of his sister’s physical height, she mercilessly showered words unto her troublesome younger brother.
“If you think love goes only one way, you can justify your own scars.”
“You’re wrong…!”
“If you come to know you both love and are loved…that leaves you unable to justify your choice to remain in the Sanctuary, does it not?”
“No!! No, no!! You…you don’t even know nothin’ about…what happened to Mom next!”
“—How could I not know?”
Garfiel, shouting as he gave in to anger, instantly lost his voice as if impaled by ice.
Frederica hardened her young cheeks, her expression holding back tears as she stared at Garfiel.
—What was his big sister telling him that moment? Was she saying she knew?
“Of course I would know. If Mother was visited by misfortune immediately after distancing herself from the Sanctuary…of course I would not fail to hear of it.”
“Then…then why…?!”
“Surely, you understand why I would not tell you that at such a young age? Garf. You are not a child anymore, so…”
Frederica knew what had happened to his mother. Ryuzu and the other residents likely knew as well.
Only the young Garfiel, persistent in his youthful ways, did not know. If he had not seen it in the tomb’s Trial, he likely still would not know, even to that very moment—
“Really, you remembered that Mother loved you, didn’t you?”
Garfiel had become obstinate in order to trample many feelings underfoot.
“Your forehead wound—you did that to yourself so you could forget Mother’s kiss, to act like it never happened, didn’t you?”
The white scar on his forehead—a wound he did not have when his mother held his younger self.
The wound had happened in the immediate aftermath of his first Trial. Knowing his mother had died, Garfiel fell into a panic, bashing his head against both wall and floor to carve an indelible wound.
His wound was his proof of innocence. —It allowed him to forget and distort his mother’s feelings, and so feel sorry for himself.
“—The past…is ending, isn’t it?”
Frederica murmured.
Before he realized it, the contours of the world of the past were growing indistinct, gradually losing their shape.
The past was ending. Did the end of his visit to the Trial mean some kind of results had been achieved?
“Wait. Please, wait…”
But that moment, it was all the same to him. All he wished from the vanishing, collapsing world was for his slowly fading mother, Ryuzu, and his young older sister not to go.
“What…should I do?”
“Goodness…must you rely on a tiny older sister like me to arrive at an answer?”
“I know it’s pathetic! But, Sis, you’re the only one I can count on. Hey, tell me… Sis, why’d you go outside? Should I go outside, t…”
“Garf, what do you want to do?”
Frederica interrupted her pathetic younger brother, who wanted to hold her hand.
For a second, Garfiel was at a loss for words. He wasn’t talking about what he wanted to do. That moment, he wanted to hear a response, a compass needle pointing to what he should want to do.
“Garf, what do you want to do?”
As her younger brother prevaricated, the older sister gave him an exasperated, benevolent smile, repeating the same question.
That was why Garfiel drew in his breath, and…
“I want to be wanted.”
“Who do you want to want you?”
“I want…I want to be wanted by people who need me.”
“Why do you think that way?”
“Because they…they helped me remember.”
His older sister did not speak the words Remember what?
But her jade eyes, the same as his, posed the question more eloquently than any words could.
“—That my mother loved me.”
—The next instant, the world of dreams faded into white. The past, and his family, receded, vanishing into the ether.
5
A mere hour had passed since they had seen Garfiel off to challenge the Trial.
During that time, Subaru and the others remained seated in front of the tomb, tensely continuing to await his return.
“If he breaks his promise and destroys the tomb, I am not sure what we are going to… gyafnn! ”
As Otto made that statement, intending to ease the tension but failing to read the mood, Ram bluntly sent him flying with her shoe. Fortunately, the luckless Otto’s worries ended then and there.
“…Young Gar!”
The loud shout came from Shima—who was there as part of Team Ryuzu, watching over the tomb.
After the battle with Garfiel concluded, Subaru used the time spent waiting to give a shout out via the crystal, getting the group to meet back together there.
That same Shima had rendezvoused with Ryuzu Derma, the current Ryuzu. Emilia, unfamiliar with the circumstances, was surprised to see two Ryuzus in one place. To wit…
“So is Miss Shima Miss Ryuzu’s older sister or younger sister?”
That being her level of comprehension of the matter, a detailed explanation would have to wait until after various things were settled.
Either way, Shima’s voice made everyone present look at the tomb. —There, at its entrance, stood Garfiel Tinzel, having returned by coming through the corridor.
“He’s…”
Garfiel, eyes narrowed as he bathed in the wind of the Sanctuary, showed no sign of being flustered. To Subaru, his face gave off the impression of someone who’d cast some kind of burden aside.
“Hah!”
With his face remaining like that, Garfiel leaped from the top of the stone steps toward the grassy field. Then, he landed in front of Subaru and the others—no, in front of his two grandmothers, Ryuzu and Shima.
Standing up, Garfiel looked from one to the other. One was a grandmother he had spent a great deal of time with; the other was a grandmother he considered the savior of his life.
“Y-Young Gar. I…we, ah…”
“Don’t make faces that don’t suit ya, old hags… Sorry to make ya worry.”
“Young Gar.”
“Still, I gotta say, I’m used to different old hags with the same face standin’ next to the others, but I sure ain’t used to the same two old hags standin’ next to each other.”
As the grandmothers stood side by side, Garfiel spoke quite bluntly as he simultaneously put his hands on both their heads.
His hands made both Ryuzu and Shima go stiff. However, with faces ready to break into tears, they accepted his hands nonetheless.
Their family relationship was a complicated one. That was particularly true because the “First Four,” all the Ryuzus, were one and the same grandmother from Garfiel’s perspective. It was a difficult issue with no easy answer.
But in the moment that he watched the three of them, Subaru thought, Might not need to worry about them after all.
“Garf, how was it?”
Gazing at the exchange between that family, Ram clutched her own elbows as she posed Garfiel that question.
In the end, it was Ram who’d given his back the final push toward the Trial. Her words brought a tiny growl out of Garfiel.
“Way my eyes see it, ain’t no results to celebrate. Felt more like, wha, that’s it? ”
“That sounds like an impression from a proud middle school shoplifter… But you did it?”
“—Far as I’m concerned, it’s a clean break.”
Responding to Subaru thus, Garfiel made a deep exhale from his nostrils. Those words made everyone present draw in their breaths for a moment, but different deep sentiments immediately poured out.
In other words, inside the Trial, Garfiel had come to terms with his own past.
This was proof not only that he had passed the Trial, but that the Sanctuary was one step closer to liberation.
“So how about you take that momentum into the two Trials left…”
“Don’t mess with me. —And that ain’t my role, is it?”
“Yes, that’s right. What comes after is my job. I won’t have anyone go and snatch it away.”
Clicking his tongue, Garfiel gave Emilia a nod of his chin. Accepting this, Emilia puffed out her chest at the torch passing to her. The firmness of her enthusiasm made Subaru slacken his cheeks.
Then, to that very Subaru, Garfiel went “Ahh” toward him, awkwardly scratching his cheek.
“Besides that…the hell is this?”
“Is what? This touchy-feely stuff doesn’t suit your character at all. You’re clearly a zero ingenuity, muscle-brain type, so just be a barbarian about it.”
“Hey, I know ya makin’ fun of me with that. Ya askin’ fer…nah, that ain’t what I wanna say.”
He began to lose his temper, but Garfiel lowered his arm without doing a thing. Subaru tilted his head at the atypical action. In his stead, all by herself, Ram made a little smile with an air of exasperation.
“Garf.”
Then she gave Garfiel a gentle little poke in the vicinity of his hip.
In the face of Ram’s lethal attack, Garfiel exhaled in apparent surrender.
“Me, I probably…accepted what was in the Trial ’cause of you. Thanks.”
“…Did you just say thanks?”
“I ain’t sayin’ it twice! Just, it made me remember somethin’ important. That’s why…aw, crap!”
Perhaps both his anger and embarrassment had risen during the time he spoke, for Garfiel bared his fangs. Then he thrust a finger toward Subaru with so much force, it seemed he might bite Subaru’s head off.
“Listen here, ’kay? Yeah, I lost! The Trial’s results changed, too! But that sure don’t mean everything comin’ out of ya is right! The proof is in what happens from here, or else! If you open this place up and bad stuff happens to the old hags, no mercy!!”
“R-right. Of course, that’s what we…”
“I’m sayin’, I’ll watch with my own eyes whether ya jerks are all talk! I’m seein’ this through to the bitter end, ya hear?! —So ya better get this done right, General!!”
“ ? ”
Roughly shoving Subaru’s shoulder away, Garfiel cut off his words and twisted his cheeks into a smile.
His demeanor and the unexpected manner of address left Subaru taken aback. During that time, Garfiel instantly turned his back to Subaru, turning his feet toward his two grandmothers.
“Just now, Garfiel made a really red face.”
Having witnessed the same thing, Emilia spoke to Subaru, her voice infused with a giggle. If Emilia saw it, too, it was no hallucination. Of course, he hadn’t heard the statement incorrectly, either.
“General…? The commander in chief here is Emilia-tan, not me…”
“You’re the one who smacked Garfiel down. It was a clash between men, right? Because he acknowledges that, you’re Garfiel’s general, Subaru. General—that’s so amazing.”
Emilia’s honest, not-sarcastic-whatsoever praise made Subaru wryly twist his lips. As Subaru bore a conflicted look, Ram came right beside him, shrugging her shoulders.
“Just give in. He is in such high spirits, it cannot be helped. Let him do as he pleases.”
“Incidentally, I’m waaaay weaker, so it’s not like I set out to be some kind of accidental main charac—”
“It feels more like you have made a brother. You are the elder, so be magnanimous.”
“Well, if it’s like that, it is what it is……wait.”
Subaru raised a stop sign with his hands, having heard one portion of the statement he could not let pass. Gazing at the back of Garfiel’s head with exasperation and affection in her eyes, Ram went “What?” and turned back toward Subaru.
“What did you say just now?”
“Which part?”
“The part where you said Garfiel’s younger than I am?”
“Ahh,” went Ram, nodding as she seemed to grasp Subaru’s question.
“This year, Garf finally turned fourteen.”
“ ? ”
This information, which was opposite Subaru’s expectations, left him aghast. Incredibly disturbed, he closed his eyes, turning his face up to the sky.
He recalled a number of incidents. How Garfiel called him General , a variety of his statements and actions to date, and how Garfiel advocated himself as the World’s Strongest Man —all these began to sink in.
And as they did, Subaru shouted:
“—That makes him a delusional eighth grader!!”
6
“…Staying here too long will only dull your resolve, won’t it?”
With Garfiel having come to terms with his internal conflict and Subaru having felt the impactful blow of his actual age, things had calmed down a notch—whereupon Emilia, brushing off grass as she stood up, retightened that relaxed atmosphere with a single sentence.
As Emilia gazed at the tomb with a sober visage, Subaru posed a question.
“Going, huh?”
“Yes, I’ll go… Just watch. I’ll do as Garfiel did, then go farther.”
“Sure you can do it…?”
“I’ll do it…because I’m not afraid of changing anymore.”
Her forceful reply was made possible from having experienced her argument with Subaru at the tomb. Garfiel clacked his fangs at the reply; Subaru’s chest burned with pride.
Then, as she began walking toward the tomb, Subaru lined up right by her side, heading as far as the entrance with her. He could not go inside and hold her hand from beside her. Therefore, he at least wanted to be with her until she set off.
“Hey, Subaru. About what happened inside the tomb…”
Abruptly, as they walked shoulder to shoulder, Emilia broached the subject like thus.
Subaru imagined it was something related to the Trial. Thinking this, he waited for the words that might follow, but it was difficult to read what they might be. Emilia made little glances as she looked at Subaru uneasily.
For some reason, her cheeks were faintly red.
“Emilia?”
“I—I mean, what happened inside the tomb! Y-you know, that …”
“That…? Ah, er, um.”
Emilia’s slightly anger-tinged words made Subaru’s face redden as he recalled the preceding events.
The grand developments that followed had washed away the initial momentum, but now that he thought back to that moment, he’d incredibly brash—enough to spontaneously set him on fire from the facedown.
He came to belatedly realize that having stolen her lips, practically biting them in the process, was a pretty big deal.
“Inside, er…Subaru, you and I…you know?”
“A-ahh…yeah, we, ah, we did.”
“I mean, I think it’ll be really rough from here. But this is important, so…when the Trial and a lot of other things are taken care of, we’ll have a nice, long talk, okay?”
Subaru nodded to Emilia’s proposal, the motion making his head rattle from the already precarious state inside it.
To Subaru, this was his first experience; to Emilia, it was probably her first experience, too. Having mutually slammed their feelings into each other, they had a mountain of things they needed to discuss.
“But you’re pretty confident if you’re talking about having a conversation after all this, Emilia-tan.”
“Is this confidence? I wonder. It might be just bluff and bluster, you know?”
“But that means you ain’t ready to blow it, right? I’m sure it’ll go well. I’m willing to bet on it.”
When Subaru raised up his thumb and flashed a grin, Emilia tilted her head, looking mystified.
“Bet? Bet what?”
“Dating rights! If I win, I get a date with Emilia-tan, and if you win, you get a date with me.”
“Yes, yes, whatever you say.”
Just like usual, Emilia elegantly parried Subaru’s advances.
By the time they finished bantering, the two reached the entrance to the tomb. The place of the Trial welcomed its challenger. The dimly lit corridor, which was filled by a pale light, invited Emilia within.
If she continued forward, the Trial of the past awaited her. Despite this, Emilia smiled at Subaru, not tense at all.
“Well, I’m heading out for a bit.”
“Come back soon. Watch out for carriages and strange men.”
“Don’t say foolish things.”
She shared a wry smile and after that, a lovely smile. Leaving this behind her, Emilia went into the tomb, vanishing from sight.
The faint light that wrapped around the tomb did not reach the back of the corridor. Watching her back as she boldly strode away, Subaru brought his hands together once, going down on one knee as if to pray.
From there, Subaru could do nothing. The rest was Emilia’s battle alone.
“ Now Giltirau takes one step … Gonna look less of a man with a worried face like that, General.”
“Huh, it’s easier to absorb those peculiar sayings when I know they’re coming from an eighth grader. I had a phase like you, quoting all sorts of sayings from important people.”
As Subaru saw Emilia off, Garfiel came to the stone steps below. He stood beside Subaru, hesitating only slightly before chiming in.
“Hey, ah, General, I gotta apologize to ya for just a teeny tiny bit.”
“Well, isn’t that admirable of you? You can talk to your general about anything. It’s embarrassing if you put it that way.”
The lack of defiance made Subaru scratch his cheek in a blushy manner. Then, Garfiel let out a heavy sigh.
“Well, I went inside, okay? So I was in the back there, too…”
“Ahh, so you were.”
“That’s why I saw. The, uh, product of all the general’s hard work.”
Garfiel prevaricated, finding it hard to put it into words. Subaru, not grasping what he was trying to say, made a questioning look. But he immediately realized it. He had a guess. His face turned deep red.
—He saw it! He saw it, he saw it! He saw it !!
“N-nooooo…! I forgooot! I mean, I mean… I didn’t expect you’d actually go into the tomb yourself…s-so, if you went in, you…aaaahhh!”
Covering his face with both hands, Subaru squirmed as he fell on the spot.
Shame. Shame strong enough to want to die. Few were the souls who could live with so much shame. That moment, he detested Garfiel, perhaps hating him more than when they’d come to deadly blows.
“You glarin’ at me like that puts me in a bind! …But…my bad for seein’ it. General, you’re a huge stupid bastard, but I’m glad you’re the general I lost to!”
“Shaddap, forget you saw it! You can just pretend you didn’t see it, damn it! You’re not a little kid…wait, you are a little kid! Damn it all!!”
When he tried to call Garfiel a brat, Subaru immediately realized it was he who was at an overwhelming disadvantage, what with his soft spot in his opponent’s grip. The resentful shout sent Garfiel bursting into laughter, slapping his knees.
As he rested, exposed to lukewarm gazes, Subaru prayed for Emilia’s good fortune, simultaneously praying that she would not notice the “graffiti” he had left behind.
Now that someone else had seen them, those little love letters had become quite a farce.
7
—And of course, Subaru’s second prayer went unanswered.
“…Subaru, you…idiot.”
Tense as she passed through the corridor, Emilia entered the stone room where the Trial was undertaken. She traced the faintly glowing stone walls with her finger as words trickled out of her in a giggly tone.
After being so frightened, Emilia had fought her fear, challenging the tomb with resolve and determination in her breast. And yet, when Emilia arrived at the stone room in question, she was greeted by an unexpected sight.
“…I mean, this really is stupid.”
In contrast to her words, Emilia’s expression softened, filling with affection.
—Who could blame her? Anyone seeing it would surely have the same thought.
The walls Emilia traced with her fingers had marks on them that they should not have had. Every single one of the four walls of that cramped, stonework room was buried in many, many markings.
The shadows from the glow gave those marks tangible shape. Emilia touched her hand to them as her chest grew hot.
—Carved into them were pictures, characters. Emilia was surrounded by many words, many feelings.
The pictures were the adorable Pucks that Subaru had drawn many times before. The drawings of Puck had various expressions on them, and surrounding these were writings in I-script, as if they were written by little children.
“Hang in there, you can do it.” “Puck and I are both cheering you on.” “Once this is done, let’s go on a date.” “I’m counting on you, Emilia.” “I love you. That’s why I believe in you.”
“Idiot…idiot, idiot, idiot… Subaru, you…dunderhead.”
Even though she had to challenge the Trial, even though painful, sad memories surely awaited her, his efforts to cheer her up nearly had her in tears. What a terrible person he was.
—Something dawned on her. That moment, she understood.
Since Emilia had come to this place two days prior, the only chance to engrave these characters and images was the night before.
Subaru had taken the time. Subaru had distanced himself from Emilia’s side during that time. And what he’d done during that time was the one thing which Subaru absolutely would not speak to her about.
—What a very stupid thing to break a promise for.
“—I am absolutely, absolutely not forgiving you until you apologize for this, you know.”
Adoringly touching the characters, she voiced her thoughts for the boy who had carved them.
The next moment, she felt like her consciousness was being lulled to sleep and sensed the world’s contours growing vague.
The Trial was coming. The past she had feared so much was coming.
—And yet, a smile remained on Emilia’s lips.
8
—Emilia did not understand if the experience of being invited to her past ought to be called a dream .
Dreamlike might have been appropriate to describe sinking into the familiar forest in the innermost part of her memories and stepping into it with her own feet.
Surrounded by tall trees, she felt the tranquil breeze and the warm soil beneath her soles as she breathed in deeply.
This place, inside the Trial, was not the snowy landscape dotted by white-laden trees that loomed large in her memories. This place had not yet reached that point. That said, it was undoubtedly on the path that would arrive at the snowy landscape Emilia so deeply regretted.
And then—
“—My, there has been a flood of guests of late.”
“ ? ”
Without a word, Emilia turned her gaze toward the person who had abruptly spoken so glibly.
Deep in the forest reproduced from Emilia’s memories, which was filled with the green scenery just as she remembered, one figure decidedly not from her past stood askew in the shadow of a tree.
Leaning upon the trunk, the white-haired woman casually studied Emilia. There, clad in black clothing and bearing a face beautiful enough to bewitch any onlooker, stood Echidna, the Witch of Greed.
When Emilia noticed the Witch’s gaze, the latter smiled charmingly at her, slowly stepping out of the tree’s shade and walking over.
“Truly, a flood of guests. Both guests who ought to be welcomed—and guests who surely were not invited.”
As she walked over, Echidna turned a casual voice and a frigid gaze toward Emilia. This was no sarcasm; they were pure, unadulterated feelings of disgust and scorn.
“It’s quite something for you to crawl back here after putting on such a shameful display. Even I am shocked at your audacity and refusal to quit.”
Her frigid black eyes both resembled those of the one closest to Emilia, and yet did not. This malice was directed not toward half-elves, but toward Emilia personally. —It was raw hostility.
“No matter how dejected and teary you are, you get to curry favor with a man who’ll console you and forgive you. You defile my personal world over and over. Selfish in the extreme—you are a loose woman, shameless and immoral. —What do you have to say about that, Witch’s daughter?”
The sheer ferocity of her words would have torn the old Emilia’s heart apart, utterly smashing it to pieces.
Without mercy, without hesitation, the Witch hurled insults to whittle down Emilia’s spirit. It was not the only reason she’d been broken by the Trial before, but her challenge began there.
The Witch neither wanted Emilia to challenge the Trial, nor to overcome it.
The Witch did not expect Emilia to overcome the Trial whatsoever.
— Ahh, I see. Here, I have to do that thing Subaru told me to.
Now she understood. It really was exactly like Subaru had told her.
When throwing down the gauntlet, when forcing courage to well up from deep in her heart, she needed to be like Subaru Natsuki.
“—My name is Emilia…just Emilia. The Freezing Witch who hails from the Great Elior Forest.”
Emilia could tell that naming herself rubbed the Witch the wrong way.
Privately satisfied with that reaction, Emilia jabbed a finger toward the Witch, seemingly shooting right through her into the sky.
“Another Witch’s malice will not affect me. —I am a troublesome woman like that.”
<END>
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