CHAPTER 3: REUNION AND DISAGREEMENT
Subaru leaves Emilia and the others behind in the living room to stroll around the mansion by himself, stopping at the second floor hallway of the mansion's main building, where he finds a door faintly tugging at his consciousness. He opens it.
Subaru: “Hey, been a while.”
Surprise it's the Forbidden Archive. The lord of the library is sitting on a ladder's step, flipping through a book.
Beatrice: “—Think the mansion's gotten noisy, and you come back, I suppose.”
Beatrice looks up at Subaru, immediately losing interest and turning her gaze back to the book.
Beatrice: “If you've come back, Bubby should be back too, in fact. It's bothering me that I sense the girl and that other unnecessary pest've come along as well, I suppose.”
Subaru: “Puck's charging his batteries so he won't be showing up, and I don't like you treating Emilia-tan like an afterthought. I'll ignore how you're treating Otto though, he's a pest.”
Beatrice: “So irritating, in fact.”
Beatrice snorts at Subaru's shitty joke and repositions her crossed legs. Subaru slowly walks over toward her.
Subaru: “That aside, it's been ages since we've seen each other like this. Last time was when Betel... no, that didn't happen... so it'dve been right before I left for the Capital. That's like ten days.”2
Beatrice: “How it always is, I suppose. Betty has little interest in the passings of time outside during her time inside the room, in fact.”
Subaru: “I don't really get it. Also, look away from the book when you're talking to people. Though, I know you're so happy to see me again after ten days you're practically blushing.”
Beatrice: “I wouldn't mind making that loose mouth of yours puke up blood while your face goes pallid, in fact?”
Subaru can't help smiling at her unconcealed irritation. Whenever Subaru converses with the guardsman of the Forbidden Archive, it inevitably results that his intentions unintentionally get onto the track of attempting to demolish her nonplussed expression and stubborn attitude. Telling jokes, teasing her, stirring up her indignation, having her snipe back. There is enjoyment to him even in these exchanges, though he does not know why he feels like this only about Beatrice.
Beatrice: “That you've come back means it's safe to say that racket's settled down, I suppose.”
The stuff Subaru's about to talk about got cut in the anime so you get to experience this exchange in Beatrice-vision.
Subaru: “So you noticed it.. Actually, duh, of course you did. Emilia-tan and Ram said they'd gone around looking for you too, so apologize to them afterwards.”
Beatrice: “Betty? Apologize? I haven't the slightest idea to whom and for what reason that is necessary, in fact.”
Beatrice closes the book and stands up. She returns the thick tome to the bookshelf, and reaches to grab the book beside it, having some problems due to her height. Subaru goes to stand beside her, and,
Subaru: “This one, yeah?”
Beatrice: “...One next to it, I suppose. If you're going to meddle, meddle properly, in fact.”
Subaru: “Completely ungrateful loli... oop, don't drop it. Thing's heavy enough that if it falls on your foot, it won't be pretty.”
Subaru's a bit surprised at the weight of the book he goes to pick out one-handed. He happily and carefully hands the book over to Beatrice, who accepts it by hugging it to her chest. Subaru glances over the title but is too illiterate to read it.
Beatrice: “I won't thank you, I suppose.”
Subaru: “That's the typical response for tsundere and tight-lipped characters, but honestly when I hear that I think it's exactly the same as a 'thank you.'”
Beatrice knits her eyebrows in irritation and looks away. Subaru scratches his head at her stubbornness.
Subaru: “You absolutely don't have to apologize to me really, but do go and apologize to Ram and Emilia-tan. Since it worried them that you stayed in the mansion.”
Beatrice: “Their worrying was nothing I....”
Subaru: “Don't you say some tired line about not asking for it. Most people in this world get born without asking for it, and get worried about even when they'd rather not. ...That second half's nothing about you, and only an issue since the people around you are good people.”
Emilia obviously gets full marks for 'good person' on her normal behaviour, Ram's normal behaviour is a failing grade but it's the insides man the insides. Beatrice is unconvinced by the wheedling and bites her lip.
Beatrice: “But they did leave the mansion in the end, I suppose. ...They left Betty.”
Subaru: “What're you saying. Couldn't be, no way you're saying you didn't really wanna be left behind.” and something about distancing herself through 'Gate Shut-in' like a right nuisance.
Beatrice: “It's Gate Crossing, in fact. Don't change it to some pointless, stupid name, I suppose.
...and your speculation is an insult to Betty, in fact.” Beatrice seems a different breed of dangerous than usual, which perplexes Subaru. He can't have her getting pissed before getting onto the main topic, but that said it's not like he has a magical medicine on hand to cure her mood.
Subaru: “Well, whatever. If you're gonna be that stubborn, I'll tell Emilia-tan you cried saying 'thank you, thank you!' for you.”
Beatrice: “Don't make things up, in fact. I haven't shed a single tear in a long time, I suppose.” Subaru: “What, is this you saying you think it's embarrassing to cry? If you go through your childhood thinking like that, you won't know how to express yourself when you're an adult. Get your shameless crying done while you're a kid.”
Beatrice: “Indicative words coming from the man who cried on the lap of the girl he loves, in fact.” Subaru: “Could you please forget about that!?” Remembering that page of his dark past makes his face so hot it feels it's burning. That said it's an equally bright memory in the depths of his heart.
Beatrice goes back to sit on the ladder and starts reading the book Subaru gave her. She's obviously not interested in speaking, but retreating would make Subaru's coming here pointless. Subaru: “Anyway, putting aside the topic of crying or not crying... could I ask you something?” Beatrice: “Could or could not, asking is at your liberty, I suppose.” She flips a page, basically saying 'Whether or not you get an answer is another story.' Subaru takes it as permission more or less and nods. Subaru: “—You know, for noticing the racket that went on outside, you were pretty nonreactive.” Which was not what he was supposed to say, and instead is just a rehash of a topic they just went over. Beatrice looks up from the book, her gaze piercing. Subaru gulps.
Subaru: “W-While you were pretending you didn't know about it, things outside got pretty serious, you know? A bunch of weird mysterious guys surround the mansion...” Beatrice: “Stop, in fact.” Subaru: “If it weren't for me, who brought reinforcements in from the Capital, who knows what would be happening by now. And it's not like I had a smooth ride getting back here, eit....” Beatrice: “Stop, I suppose.”
Subaru: “Tearjerking to both speak and hear, I traversed the path of a crying queen bee—hk!”
The slam of Beatrice shutting the book cuts Subaru off partway through. His face sours as he figures the noise intentional, but he faces Beatrice's piercing gaze. Beatrice: “Get to the real topic already, in fact. —You weakling.” Subaru: “...ahh.” He can't refute it. Beatrice saw right through Subaru's attempt to flee, flee from a question he should ask but is terrified of the answer. Subaru: “Do you...” His breath catches, he closes his eyes, he listens to his heartbeat. He sees visage of a lovely, smiling girl beneath his eyelids. Subaru: “Do you remember Rem?”
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Subaru talked to Beatrice only once in a world after the White Whale subjugation.
He spoke with her intending to evacuate her away from the Witch Cult, was refused, and in the end left her in the mansion alone. He didn't remember all the content of their talk vividly, but there was one thing he noticed that he couldn't let slip.
There was one single time during that exchange where Beatrice mentioned her worry about Rem, who should've come back with Subaru.
By that point, the letter that had reached the mansion was already blank. Meaning he had proof that it'd been after Rem had been attacked by the Cardinals of Sin, and Beatrice still said Rem's name.
Subaru: “Please answer. You remember the Rem who was in this mansion, right?”
His words ultimately changed from a 'I want you to remember' to 'You should remember'. That occurred because of the conviction that recalled memory gave him, and also as a show of bravado to inspire his heart as it near sinks into timidity.
Beatrice quietly looks at Subaru. Her eyes don't seem to hold any emotion and it's impossible to tell what she's thinking, even though it's usually so easy to understand her feelings. It's like time's stopped, and Subaru's heart starts to burn with impatience.
Subaru: “Hey...”
Why won't you say anything. You know her or don't know her— it's not a hard question to answer. That said of course there's only one answer Subaru wants: for Beatrice to laugh at how dumb the question is and say of course she knows Rem.
Memories eaten, named consumed, erased from the world—what a ridiculous story. If she experienced it as Subaru had, and felt righteous indignation at the world's absurdity, good. And if she came to think that she and Subaru search for the true nature of this common point between them, better.
So, please say you know her. Please say that you haven't forgotten about her—about Rem—like Emilia, like Crusch, like Wilhelm, like everyone else.
He wanted to hear her answer. He didn't want to hear her answer. His heart twisted with the contradictory desires.
Beatrice: “—I don't want to answer, in fact.”
And he gets back an answer that's neither yes or no. Subaru's thinking grinds to a halt for a moment, and he waves his hands around, panicked.
Subaru: “W-wait. What's with this 'I don't want to answer'. The question's only answerable with a 'YES' or a 'NO'.”
Beatrice: “I don't know what 'yees' or 'noh' mean, I suppose. So Betty's answer will be the same, in fact. I don't want to answer.”
Subaru: “I'm telling you that's not an answer!”
He swings his arms from up to down and takes one single, strong step towards Beatrice. She doesn't react. That stubbornness makes the unease in his heart escalate into an unstoppable blaze.
Subaru: “This isn't what I want to hear from you!”
Beatrice: “Why must Betty tell you what you want to hear, I suppose. ...I'd prefer you didn't get too rowdy, in fact. You'll disturb the library, I suppose.”
Subaru: “You...hk!”
Subaru approaches Beatrice with the intention to force her to look at him. To ask her face-to-face how she could say such unfeeling things. But the second he attempts to touch her, Beatrice looks at Subaru, and her eyes are trembling with emotion, which makes Subaru's hand stop.
Beatrice: “Your question is inquiring about somebody eaten by GLUTTONY, in fact.”
Subaru: “—! So you really do...”
Beatrice: “If you know of Gluttony's authority, it's enough to make a rough guess, I suppose. Roswaal, Bubby, and Shaula would also know, in fact.”
Subaru: “Roz!?” He wasn't expecting that name. Roswaal knew about Gluttony's authority—meaning there's a possibility he remembers Rem. But no before getting on that,
Subaru: “How much do you all know about the Witch Cult? Roswaal should've known that if Emilia's being a half-elf got out, the Witch Cult would get active. But if I hadn't acted, the mansion and the village would've been hopeless. What's going on here?”
Beatrice doesn't answer.
Subaru: “Rem and Crusch-san both said there had to be some kind of countermeasure planned. I can't help but think that there wasn't. If there was, those horrible things wouldn'tve...” Beatrice: “It's impossible for Betty to know just how far Roswaal has thought things through, I suppose. But... I doubt he had nothing planned in advance, in fact.”
But no matter how hard he scours his memory, Subaru can't come up with anything suggesting Roswaal's hand in the Betelgeux fight. Subaru: “I'm not misunderstanding here, right. Or overestimating. If Roswaal'd done something, my going through so much hardship wouldn'tve...” Beatrice: “If you don't know, then surely nobody knows, in fact.” Uncomfortable with Beatrice's disappointment at his lack of understanding, Subaru notices that they've gotten off topic. Subaru: “Wait, more importantly the Witch Cult. If you know about the Witch Cult, how about telling me everything you know. About the Cardinals of Sin, and about GLUTTONY. I have a mountain of questions... about this, too.” Puck dodged questioning on the matter, so he has some hope asking Beatrice. He takes a black tome out of his pocket, the cover and insides faintly stained with blood.
Subaru: “I know the Witch Cult's deeply connected to this thing. I can't read it, but seeing as you're the watchman of the Forbidden Archive...” Beatrice: “—a gospel.” Beatrice's eyes go wide. Her lips quiver slightly as she stares at the gospel, her gaze going over the unreadable text on the cover, looking as if she can't believe it. Beatrice: “Why, how do you...”
Subaru: “Stole it. ...is not how much I wanted this book. Didn't I tell you? The cult surrounded the mansion, up to no good. I took this from the ringleader. Its owner... isn't in this world anymore.”
Beatrice: “Took it... but, that's...”
Beatrice's voice shakes as she reaches out for the gospel. Subaru hands it over and she traces her fingers over the cover.
Beatrice: “The owner is... dead, you said, I suppose.”
Subaru: “...Yeah. Dead. Chewed up in a carriage's wheel. ...I killed him.”
Objectively speaking, Betelgeux didn't die directly at Subaru's hands. But that his death came as a result of Subaru's actions, that Subaru was prepared for events to go in that direction, and that everything had extended from Subaru's activities, was unavoidable truth. Subaru had meant to kill Betelgeux. If he didn't take his life, Subaru's soul understood that things between them would never be settled.
He undoubtedly did have WILL to kill Betelgeux. But he wouldn't say he didn't hesitate or regret dirtying his hands. He hadn't put on any bravado about it to others, and so he wouldn't lie to his own heart. He wouldn't forget killing, or Betelgeux's attempt to kill him. Neither would he say anything sentimental, like he was living on carrying the life of the man he'd slain. Betelgeux was a thing that should die. Subaru completely believed that and killed him. That's all there is to it.
But Beatrice doesn't react.
Beatrice: “You left Betty behind too, I suppose, Juice...”
Subaru: “—? Who?”
Beatrice: “You don't need to know, in fact. More importantly, if you're the one who killed SLOTH, what happened to the Witch Factor, I suppose.”
Subaru: “Witch, Factor?”
Subaru knits his eyebrows and tilts his head in confusion. Beatrice looks at him with some suspicion, narrowing her eyes as if searching for some emotion in his expression. Subaru has no idea why she's doing this. He clicks his tongue in annoyance.
Subaru: “Don't wave jargon around at a guy who knows absolutely nothing. What's this 'Witch Factor.' Doesn't sound like anything good.”
Beatrice: “You don't know? You really—seriously? Then for what on earth purpose did you kill SLOTH, I suppose. I don't understand, in fact.”
Subaru: “Was just clearing away some loose sparks! What is it you want to say?!”
He's getting tired of the conversation not meshing together while Beatrice in contrast starts getting silent. She puts the back of her hand to her lips, in thought, and stares down at the gospel's cover. Beatrice: “You don't know. ...This reaches outside of Betty's jurisdiction to make any judgements, in fact.”
Subaru: “What're you just agreeing to yourself ab—uuoah”
Shaking her head, Beatrice throws the gospel at Subaru. He scrambles to catch it, succeeds, and breaths a sigh of relief. Subaru: “Hell was that. I'm not gonna call it a dangerous book, but it's definitely still a creepy book.
Treat it more carefully!” Beatrice: “—It's proper that you be the one to hold onto this, I suppose. Will the Witch Factor choose, or not? Either way, the selection is closing in, in fact. If this helps you make your judgement then, I'm sure Juice will rest in peace, I suppose.” Subaru: “A beverage resting in peace! What do you—me...” Unable to understand even a single bit of this conversation, Subaru struggles to get the words out.
Before he can say anything more, a feeling of unease runs down his spine. He instinctively guesses that he's hearing the sound of spacetime bending. Subaru: “You're really kicking me out, huh. You haven't even told me anything... Do you seriously think I'm going to leave!?”
Beatrice: “Why must you ask your questions, and hear responses, by speaking with Betty, I suppose. I'd prefer you stop your selfish... prideful behaviour, in fact.” Subaru: “Pr...! —If you could just tell me what you know, that'd be fine! I don't want anything more than that! So, I'm saying, you...”
Beatrice: “—Betty's...” A force starts to pull Subaru backward out of the room. Surprise he's getting kicked out. Subaru: “Beako... Beatrice!” Beatrice: “What's instigating their exit is your body, and your soul, in fact.” Subaru: “What're—” Beatrice: “Your soul which desires to hear not the answers, your weakness which desires to avert your eyes from reality, your ego which desires not to gaze upon your sins, are distancing your body from the Forbidden Archive, I suppose.”
Subaru: “I—” Beatrice: “Betty isn't... just a tool for your convenience, I suppose.” Subaru: “—!?” Beatrice: “I'm not a thing for you to ask questions you want to ask, when you want to ask them, tell you what you want you hear, in the way you want to hear it, for your convenience, in fact.” It's a bullseye—except not, and it feels like he's getting punched from a completely unforeseen direction. He's shocked, and the hollow it opens makes Subaru's resistance against the force pulling him out slip. Subaru: “Cra—” He manages to catch himself on the edge of the door out and hold firm, half-kicked out and half not.
He breathes out, clenches his teeth, looks forward. Directly before him is Beatrice—her expression sad. Beatrice: “You best ask Roswaal the things you want to know, I suppose. —Neither Betty or Bubby will speak to you, in fact.”
Subaru: “...Why do you look like you're gonna cry.”
Beatrice lowers her gaze. Her hands reach out, entwine with Subaru's fingers—and unhook them from the door. He is sucked out, thrown out, barred out.
Out of the door, out of the Archive—and out of Beatrice's heart.
He gets dumped in the hallway, door slams behind him. He immediately reaches to open it again, but he's too late. Subaru: “That drill loli...” The door opens to a guest room. He tries using his Forbidden Archive sixth sense to find it but gets no pulls. He's not meeting Beatrice again today.
Subaru: “What's with this. If you know something, why not tell it, you damn brat. A sulky shut-in like you is the picture of the Natsuki family's eldest son.” He kicks the door and lets out a long breath. He can't get the image of Beatrice's last expression out of his head. Subaru: “If you're that close on the verge of crying, don't lock yourself up all alone. Idiot.” After all, if he thinks that he's the one who made her make that face, he can't put the blame on her for it anymore.
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login