CHAPTER 48: COMPENSATION FOR THE TEA PARTY
He hears a roar.
His tongue outstretched to catch the droplets of blood falling from his right hand, Subaru hears the roar in the distance. Rage. It was enraged. Furious. Someone was angry. Someone was fuming. Someone was mad beyond reason about something.
—That didn't matter. For now all he wanted, was to sate this hunger. Chew, chew, chew, but it isn't enough.
What the fuck are two fingers going to sate? Just how could this spilling blood quench this thirst? Not enough. Not enough. Not enough in the slightest. He could devour his right hand, devour his left hand, devour his whole body, and it wouldn't be enough. The hunger had no limit. He simply craved the things he craved. And for that— ???: “—Ghhraaah!!” Subaru: “——Donald!?” Stricken with a devastating blow to the crown of his head, shockwaves rise from Subaru's body as he is squashed into the ground. The excessive force warps the earth, leaving a crater on the hill with Subaru in the centre. The perpetrator of the attack, fist still contacting the rear of Subaru's head, takes a ragged breath.
???: “Just no more, why does everyone fight? Violence is the worst... the worst... hk,” A voice half-sobbing calls down from above as Subaru verifies the taste of the dirt, his consciousness returning to reality. A droplet of water lands on the back of his head, guiding him to look up. The silhouette of the blonde girl is indistinct, in tears, and in the middle of disappearing. —What just happened to me? Wonders Subaru as he goes to push himself up, when he notices that his right hand is all healthy. He immediately says to the disappearing girl, Subaru: “Th-thank you for healing me!” Girl: “...Hmpf.” The witch looks away, her expression sulky as she disappears. All while failing to conceal the redness of her face, and cheerfulness in her cheeks.
The blonde girl—The Witch of WRATH—vanishes, there again appearing in her place an unsightly coffin. Daphne: “Ner-Ner is really such a me-dd-ler. So did this teach you anything, did it, Subaruun?” Says Daphne from inside the coffin as if nothing big just happened. Subaru jumps to his feet, instantly hopping out and back from the crater, his expression toward Daphne blatantly cautious.
Daphne gives a sniff.
Daphne: “Good good, being that wary's a must. I mean after all, the only re-lat-ion-ships, in this world are, ones of eat or be eaten.”
Subaru: “I don't wanna think it's such a bloodthirsty place! What was that!? It was only for a while... but I was actually insane.”
Daphne: “Starvation to drive someone mad. Ultimate star-va-tion turns people into less than a-ni¬mals. But if you saw my right eye too, you know, it would've been even more interesting?”
Subaru: “...Stop fucking around.”
Subaru determines that she has wicked magical eyes of some form or another. Ram's clairvoyance also falls under 'eye powers' but is completely devoid of offensive power, while Daphne's is excessively fiendish. The moment Subaru made eye-contact with her left eye, he unconsciously ate the fingers of his right hand out of starvation. So famished that he forsook pain, he perceived everything in his sight as food to sate the insatiable hunger. Otherwise said—
Subaru: “That's how the Sizeable Hare sees the world...?”
Daphne: “Those little ones were born, ta-king a-fter my stomach being e-spe-cia-lly starving. So they really un-der-stand the urge to eat each other up.”
Subaru: “Fuck are you saying sounding so nonchalant. ...It doesn't pain your heart to make these creatures? And when that pompous lecture you gave me was about you saying you know that hunger. Making your children... yeah, children, experience...”
Daphne: “—? The Sizeable Hare might be hun-gry, but that does-n't rea-lly mean that I am.”
Subaru: “...I was an idiot for asking.”
Parallel lines. Subaru just can't come to an understanding with this witch. Even her own children the witchbeasts amount to nothing more than a means to alleviate some of her hunger. Birthing them from her own body for herself to eat, the peak in self-sufficiency.
Subaru: “If you could've just plunged into another dimension where you weren't bothering anybody and been self-sufficient there, it wouldn'tve been a damn problem for anybody.”
Daphne: “What did you a-ct-ua-lly want to ask me, Subaruun? If you just want to snub me, then all being awake will do, is make me hun-gr-i-er, so I'd kinda like to have my rest...”
Daphne looks away from Subaru, her body losing its tension and entering sleeping posture. Subaru finally understands why she's in a mobile coffin with her entire body restrained. Rather than being caged in to keep the outside world safe, it's to prevent her from losing calories from moving her limbs. The coverings on her eyes might not be the same thing, but it's still highly likely that using her magical eyes does drain her stamina, and the blindfold is to avoid that.
This girl's existence is completed entirely in herself. A jumble comprised only of the desire to eat—call her the Witch of GLUTTONY and yes, what a good fit.
Subaru: “Honestly, I think asking this'll be useless, but... what should I do to destroy the Sizeable Hare?”
Daphne: “Hrnn, you want to destroy the Sizeable Hare? But he's so weak, and easily eaten, and he mul-ti-plies, a mas-ter-piece among my best works.”
Subaru: “If you can okay the thought of eat or be eaten, then consider the idea of killing an opponent to live. Kinda want you to approve a survival instinct that isn't just coming from appetite.”
Honestly, Subaru's half given up on getting information from Daphne. It doesn't look like he's going to get a useful conversation out of her, and in the first place there's no signs of her reciprocating for a proper talk anyway. At a glance it might appear they could play conversation catch, but really Daphne just eats up the balls Subaru's throwing, and then pleads for him to throw another without ever throwing one herself. But,
Daphne: “Eating is to live, so you also have to a-ccept kill-ing, in order to live... hrrrrn, that's, well, yes, that is, yes.”
Subaru: “—wha, it got through?”
Daphne: “If I think it's co-rrect, then of course I'll accept it. You Subaruun, just what is it, you think of me?”
The supreme in witches so far as I've seen, was his sincere opinion, but mentioning that track would probably end up going on forever so he stays quiet. Pouting, Daphne lets the silence roll off with an arbitrary “hhrnnn,”
Daphne: “For de-stroy-ing the Hare, Met-Met or Idna-Idna, or Milla-Milla, could do it easy.”
Subaru: “Hold on, it's hard to tell who's who with these nicknames. Idna-Idna... is Echidna, yeah? Met-Met... Sekhmet-san? And Milla-Milla...”
Daphne: “Camilla... she's LUST. But it does-n't seem, she wants to meet you, Subaruun.”
Subaru: “It's kinda depressing the head of something sexy like LUST dislikes me but, your idea's not gonna work. You witches can't leave the tomb. You can't help me there.”
Daphne: “...Hrmm, it wouldn't?”
For a Subaru who gets by on strategies utilizing helpers, Daphne's proposal is heaven-sent. That is, so long as the witches came outside and pulled their shenanigans on the Sizeable Hare and Elsa only.
Subaru: “Saying you could come outside... Would you be satisfied with destroying, or I guess eating, only the Sizeable Hare and then going home?”
Daphne: “My stomach's never been sa-tis-fied once in my en-ti-re life...”
Subaru: “Which's why even if you could come outside I wouldn't bring you out, what with you guys.” Sticking out his tongue at Daphne's entirely expected reply, he declines her offer. Daphne: “Mnnn,” Daphne: “If that won't work, then I think all that's left is to have lots of people wor-king hard, and eat them all up, with-out leav-ing any. Even those little ones can't mul-ti-ply from zero... haa, haa...”
Subaru: “Nevermind eating, so it's a complete purge, then... But, they'll recover if even one's left remaining. They move in a drove, but are they always all together?” Daphne: “They are. They have numbers, but their con-scious-ness is single. The whole group shares the-same sin-gle consciousness. They don't have the wits to split up.”
Subaru: “I... see. Then they'll multiply again from whatever's left after the extermination... sort of panic horror punchline isn't happening here.” It's a guarantee in monster panics that even after repelling the monsters, their numbers will compound again underground or somewhere from the outliers, ending on a punchline of THE PREDICAMENT IS NOT OVER! The Sizeable Hare at least seems to lack the intelligence for pulling a stunt like this off.
Subaru: “Also and by the way, what's the average number of hares in the Sizeable Hare? I mean I think their cannibalism turns into kind of population control system for them, but.” Daphne: “...Who really knows? Subaruun, are you some-one, who can count the num-ber of drop¬lets in a screen of fog?”
Subaru: “Seriously that level? ...No, I know you're not reliable. I'll check it with my own eyes.”
Thinking of the number that swarmed Subaru, that scene alone had over 100 hares. Considering that the whole of SANCTUARY was devoured, it's highly likely the numbers there were near 10,000. While Subaru mulls over how to eliminate all the hares, Daphne gives a big yawn and looks absolutely bored, making little chewing motions at Subaru.
Daphne: “Subaruun, if you're busy puzzling, can I be dis-a-ppear-ing soon? I get hungrier when I exist.” Subaru: “It makes me hungry so I don't wanna exist is an amazing comment. Yeah, nevermind how we got here but this did help. Thank you. —And,” Daphne looks mystified. Subaru says, in a voice as displeased as he can muster, Subaru: “I am destroying the Sizeable Hare. I've already killed the White Whale. Better not have any complaints, Mom.” Daphne goes silent. Subaru: “Four hundred years—is how long these guys you made outta your good intentions or whatever the hell reason've run wild. Enough is enough. —I'm erasing them, leaving nothing.”
Daphne: “Grandiose, you humans.” Daphne's reaction to Subaru's announcement of war is different to all she's shown thus far.
Her mouth splits into a great, wide grin, an expression other than hunger for the first time arising on her face, Daphne: “If you-can do-it, do-try it.” Her red tongue extended and teeth far too sharp, the Witch of GLUTTONY smiles.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
A strong wind blows over the hill, Subaru unwittingly raising his arm and blocking off his own vision. Blah blah leaves scatter past and shit, Subaru's gazes follow them, he looks back ahead and Subaru: “Sorry for the big ask, Echidna.”
Echidna: “I kinda knew it would end up like that, which is why I stopped you.” Subaru: shikatanee “She undid the restraints and took off the blindfold herself. Want some praise on not touching her.”
Echidna: “Right. Things wouldn't have ended just there if you'd touched her. She isn't so much of a threat with only her left eye. The real horror of Daphne is her right eye, and after being EATEN.” Subaru can only lean the fuck away at these terrifying statements. This NOT SO MUCH OF A THREAT was, as far as Subaru as concerned, already more than enough abnormality to experience.
Subaru: “...You don't have to pull up the status screen for an opponent I'm already done battling. Though I should probably hear it just in case I get plans to fight a monster like her sometime.”
Echidna: “Monster, is she.” Mutters Echidna. Subaru realises his mistake. Daphne is a friend to Echidna. That Echidna can be friends with a thing like Daphne really drives in the impression of her being a 'witch', but that's that and this's this. Treating a witch like a monster while in front of another witch was,
Subaru: “Ah, yeah I really wasn't thinking at all. I'm sorry. Got kinda worked up. I have no comment on that friend of yours. That's all I'll say.” Echidna: “Huhuhu, you don't need to be so considerate toward witches. Words of ostracism are familiar for us.”
Subaru: “...I won't use cheaper words on Daphne, but I don't think you're a monster. That much I'll have correct and in words.” Echidna's eyes widen, amazed. Subaru averts his gaze, sick of how mercenary his own thinking is.
That statement of his was blatant bootlicking. While of course half of it was sincere, it also came with the dimension of not wanting to make a bad impression on a helpful witch. That said, with this calibre, Echidna more than likely saw through it.
Echidna: “No, it won't work. These words of yours won't be throwing me off, no matter how nice it is to hear them. Do you need new tea and cookies?”
Subaru: “With how damn cheery you are that's not convincing at all! The hell's with your route being so easy.” this is sad lonely girl tier.
Echidna goes along with the obvious flattery. Worries are to be had for her future. Although he already knows this isn't what it is—Subaru's chest gives a throb.
Subaru: “I'll be declining your bodily fluids and mystery something-in-there cookies.”
Echidna: “I didn't put my hair or anything in them.”
Subaru: “I can't just trust what you say!”
Subaru resolves never to eat or drink anything here gain. Echidna smiles wryly at his suspicious gaze, then stares at Subaru, observing. Occasionally, those eyes of hers are just somehow uncomfortable.
Subaru: “Not fond of that look, where it's like you're seeing through to my insides.”
Echidna: “If looking was enough to see everything of a person, I could gaze at you until you scorch aflame. ...But anyway, are you aware, or not?”
Subaru: “Of what?”
Echidna: “This is just going off my narrow and feeble imagination, but your condition a moment ago should have been a pretty devastating predicament for a human. Being defeated by hunger, and eating your own body, surely isn't anything particularly common.”
Subaru again recognizes how hideous that situation was. That his right hand has all five fingers is thanks to Minerva's drive-by healing. Subaru thinks to thank her for it, Echidna closing an eye.
Echidna: “Though, the thing with Minerva was just her ignoring my calls and jumping out. If she catches sight of a wound, she flies out regardless of how she appears. ...Her nature wasn't one to let her live long. And actually, she was the first of us to die, too.”
Subaru: “The end of the witches... huh. I heard you were all eaten by the Witch of ENVY. But is it okay for me to ask about that topic?”
Echidna: “Asking the dead how they died, is something difficult to assess whether to doubt as insensitive or not. There aren't many precedents for it. My personal opinion... yes, right. I don't really think I'll discuss everything. It ties into the honour of the other five.”
Echidna's not talking about how she died, which Subaru understand and agrees with as inevitable. Subaru's already died many times, but happily chatting about the cause of those deaths is impossible. That's just how deep and HEAVY death is.
Subaru: “Thinking like that, it makes you guys some of the few people who can share this feeling with me.” Echidna: “...Well, I'm not really so sure. While we have died once, I don't know if it's possible for us to think in the same way that you do.”
Subaru wants to object to Echidna's curtness, but her grave expression makes the desire dissipate.
She's looking at Subaru, her brows furrowed as if pained. Echidna: “This relates to that thing about awareness, too, but... have you noticed that your state right now is awry?”
Subaru: “Awry?” Echidna: “Your special circumstances of RETURN BY DEATH unmistakably apply as such. So, me knowing the causes behind that, the only thing I can think is how grievous it is to watch. And even moreso, if you're not aware of it.” Subaru: “Sure not getting to the point. I mean, where're you going with...” Echidna: “Do you think it's normal, to be capable of speaking with someone who made you eat your own fingers, after being healed, as if it's obvious?”
For an instant, Subaru's breathing freezes. Echidna carefully observes a stock-still Subaru. Echidna: “You weren't aware—seems isn't the case.” Subaru: “...It's a problem of how I observe things. I'm aware that my thinking right now is seriously abnormal. It feels like for the sake of the most important thing, I'm whittling other things off.” Echidna: “Other things, being?” Subaru: “My biggest goal right now is breaking through these standstills. There's the mansion, and there's SANCTUARY, and there's Emilia as the biggest of those. I've got all doors closed as always and dunno where to begin, but...” Breathing in through his nose, Subaru gazes up at the sky. Subaru: “I've already decided to use the crap out of what I can.”
Echidna: “...Do you affirm RETURN BY DEATH?” Subaru: “I'm not affirming it. Just, I don't have many tools to use, and this's about my only merit. ...Don't get the wrong idea, I don't want to be doing it.”
Subaru: “If spending my life'll let me reach the desired future, I'll do it. I've gotten assurance that the limit on Return by Death is, for now, as long as I can preserve my sanity. All that's left is to muster up the willpower I lack to its limit.”
Echidna: “Accumulating deaths to ensure your fingertips reach. —Not a resolve an ordinary person would be capable of.”
Subaru: “It's 'cause I've died too much. ...I've probably started going some kind of crazy.”
Subaru isn't making light of DEATH. Actually, these piled experiences of death have hardened his conviction that it's something unrecoverable and terrifying. Absolutely. His terror toward DEATH is only increasing. That Subaru regardless intends to utilize his own DEATH is simple.
Having seen the ends of worlds wherein he died, Subaru can less bear the DEATH of those he knows than his own. If it saved them from inescapable fates of DEATH, he'd spend this recoverable OWN LIFE of his or whatever indefinitely.
He'll swallow down pain, and suffering, and terror, and everything, die then live then survive. —This was the basis of Natsuki Subaru's purportedly-awry resolve.
Subaru: “If I can get through with the only sacrifice paid being my exertion, that's how I'll do it. Look at RETURN BY DEATH and aha, isn't it just the perfect power for my powerless brainless dependant self.”
Echidna goes silent.
Subaru: “Don't degrade yourself like that—esque kind of consolation's what I was expecting?”
Echidna: “It's impossible to say that so lightly, considering the obstacles in your path. If you wish to do something about this situation, the road to use that is open to you. Though personally I'd be nothing but displeased about having to rely on ENVY.”
Echidna's not the type to voice easy comforts, understanding the situation. It's not heartening, but Subaru's grateful to have someone who'll give him a good kick like this.
Subaru: “Guess all that's there's to go over my options while pulling repeats of RETURN BY DEATH. It's terrifying how many awful experiences I'm gonna have.”
Echidna says nothing.
Subaru: “One of the mysteries I gotta solve's what tests you were doing in the test site, SANCTUARY... but you're not in any mood to tell me, yeah?”
Echidna: “...Nope, I'm not. I did say. I wouldn't want you to scorn me.”
Shaking her head, Echidna denies Subaru's attempt. Subaru clicks his neck.
Subaru: “No choice then,”
Subaru: “If you're not gonna tell me, there's no choice then. I'll run around on my own, uncovering your preferably-hidden secrets on my own. Not gonna get in the way of that, yeah?”
Echidna: “...There's nothing I can do if they get uncovered. If you're going to entangle with the secrets of mine you'd hate, force them down prone to the ground, and expose it all in bare daylight, my only option is to silently accept it.”
Subaru: “This's making it sound like I'm doing something awful so could you please change your wording!?”
Her cheeks somewhat coloured, Echidna averts her gaze from Subaru. Subaru can't tell if that was intentional and she's teasing, or if she's just kind of an airhead. From what he's seen at these tea parties, she's seriously that naive and sort of immature. Subaru goes to mention it, when,
Subaru: “Nm—”
Still seated in his chair, a dizziness hits him. A feeling reminiscent of standing up too fast rocks Subaru's consciousness in succession. It's,
Echidna: “Looks like your body's close to waking up.”
Subaru: “The end of this tea party, then... say it's useful and I'd say it was useful.”
Echidna: “Since last time was a surprise case of having nothing to ask. Now, I wonder if I managed to live up to my reputation as the Witch of GREED?”
All the discussing and teaching and chatting must've made this time's tea party a great satisfaction for her. Subaru's somewhat reluctant to go, seeing her joy alongside her regret for his leaving peeking out, but he shakes his head and severs the sentimentality. It's mysterious how much she pulls the heartstrings, but it's no good getting too much of her support. She's a witch, and to make it worse, dead. Though that said it's not clear whether the 'witch' or the 'dead' part is where the 'worse' applies here.
Subaru: “What should I do when I want to come here?”
Echidna: “You mean the requirement for the tea party? Ah goodness no, we can't. You're getting to depend completely on me. I understand how forlorn you are, having no one to reveal the truth of RETURN BY DEATH to outside, and having only me to expose your heart to, but I am incredibly dead, and you're living, and... we just can't, gosh.”
Subaru: “There's nothing persuasive when you're being so weirdly happy and meandering with it!”
How to best judge this incredible upturn in good vibes from Echidna? Hand on her chin as she glimpses at him, Subaru can't decide on how to approach her attitude. She hides her mouth, smiling.
Echidna: “Huhhhuhu,”
Echidna: “Don't look so troubled. I am a girl, after all, and sometimes I do want do have some cheery conversations in this vein. That's all there's to it. I am considering properly the trench between witches and humans.”
Subaru: “...Echinda.”
Echidna: “So the requirement for the tea party is to scream from your heart of hearts the desire of I WANT TO KNOW, while in the tomb. The first time was a no-questions-asked invitation, but the second time onwards won't be so simple. The third time... I think it'll be pretty tricky. A superficial scream won't reach me.”
This aligns with what happened when Subaru was invited this time. But this means that next time he wants to come here, he will have to be in straits as or more dire than when he was writhing in rabbit trauma.
Subaru: “Yeah, I'd really rather not...”
Echidna: “Right? So this might be the last time we see each other. Although, if you challenge the TRIAL, it won't be limited to this.” Seems like identical to the first TRIAL, Subaru can meet Echidna at the second and third TRIALS too.
If Subaru challenges the TRIAL in Emilia's place, his reunion with Echidna is likely assured. Meaning, Subaru: “See you again at the TRIAL, then. Guess there won't be any tea there.”
Echidna: “If you're so craving to drink, I'd have no reluctance to make some for you at the scene...” Subaru: “Um seeing the manufacture process's only gonna make me have less urge to drink it so no that is fine thank you.”
Echidna gives her most dejected expression yet. Subaru has no clue why she's so insistent on pushing her bodily fluids on him. Maybe she gets off on having pieces of her become pieces of another person. Sinful.
Subaru: “I guess I'll be disappearing soon... then, thanks for the talk, Echidna. When we see eachother again...”
Echidna: “Before that, would you mind?” Feeling his body getting indistinct, Subaru goes to give his goodbye. But Echidna stops him. She stands from her seat, dress swaying as she walks over to Subaru.
Echidna: “You participated in the tea party, and I've given you a piece of my knowledge... but are you maybe forgetting something?” Subaru: “I forgot my stuff?”
Echidna: “My compensation.” Narrowing her eyes, Echidna pokes out her tongue at Subaru as he tilts his head. Subaru's eyes open wide.
Subaru: “Compensation...” He mutters. Echidna: “Yes, compensation.” She nods.
Echidna: “I'm sure I charged last time, too, but compensation comes attached with dealings with witches. Leaving last time's compensation as last time's, what will I be getting as compensation for this time?” Subaru: “Well'll paying my respects not work out? I don't really have much cash on-hand, and these levies or payments've kinda gotten tough for me.”
Echidna: “Your conversation skills for negotiating with witches might be a little lacking.”
Subaru backs away still in the chair, Echidna presses in on him, a sadistic glint rising on her cute face. She gazes Subaru up to down, wondering just what to take. Echidna: “Alright, I've got it.” Bracing himself for what'll happen, Echidna bends down, bringing her face close. Subaru trembles at the closeness of her lips—when Echidna bends down further, proceeding to Subaru's chest. Her white hair splayed out and floaty, fiddling around right next to him and lightly scented of flowers, Subaru's lack of immunization to hot girls gets him flustered. Ignoring Subaru's mental problems, Echidna touches his breast.
Echidna: “I'll take this.” Subaru: “...oe, eu?” What Echidna retrieves from Subaru's chest—grasped in her fingers, fluttering in the wind, is a handkerchief. White fabric with a gold border, and the great grey spirit embroidered in the lining.
Subaru: “The handkerchief Petra gave me before coming to SANCTUARY...?” Echidna: “You really better thank whoever gave this to you. It's packed in with pure feelings of concern for your wellbeing. In each stroke of the thread and needle is magic which used that as an intermediary. The power housed in an object like this is overwhelmingly fascinating.”
Subaru: “...Petra did.”
Echidna: “She has feelings for you. Sorry to the girl who sent you those feelings, but I'll be taking this.” Her cheeks relaxing at the embroidered Puck, Echidna stows the handkerchief in her pocket. She backs off from Subaru.
Echidna: “The compensation for the tea party has been collected. From my heart I shall be awaiting your repeated participation.” Joking around, she grips her dress and gives a refined curtsey. The consideration for the jokey send- off isn't like her. Subaru stands from his chair, Subaru: “Just, thanks for your time. And everything. —Bid you farewell.” Subaru grasps his clothes in the same manner, giving a bow and making Echidna smile wryly.
A white light envelops the scenery—and Subaru exits the tea party.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
—What Subaru feels once returned from the tea party is the abrupt coolness and hardness of the ground, and the taste of dusty shit in his mouth.
Subaru: “Uuhgge! Gehhphph! Is this, the default every time...!?”
Spitting out the shit, Subaru uprights himself and shakes his head, urging his consciousness into sobriety. Checking over his body's condition, he reflects on the happening prior his awakening. He returned from being eaten dead by the Sizeable Hare, then was immediately invited to Echidna's tea party. He had a horrible experience thanks to Daphne, firmed his resolve, and returned saved by Petra's young love. None are gone from his memories. Relieved, Subaru,
Subaru: “Echidna kept her promise. The tea party's not gone from my memory this time.”
The memory of Echidna is also fresh and in there. She's a bit flawed in a witchy way, but being that she keeps these promises, and interacts in a familiar way, it's probably okay to consider her one of his few allies. Though, it was a shame it didn't seem there'd be many chances for him to possibly rely on her.
Subaru: “And the most important crop from this time... 's saying that really okay, but it was there.”
Touching his chest, Subaru recollects on confessing about RETURN BY DEATH, biting down tight on the feeling of salvation. Although it's restricted to Echidna and the other witches, being able to reveal the truth to someone without worrying was the greatest crop of all. Hearing the ideas on RETURN BY DEATH from someone more knowledgeable about this parallel world also counted under this.
Even if that ultimately meat he wound up coming back with the post of the Witch of ENVY being the cause of it all, and that he'd eventually have to face it.
Subaru: “With that feeling now refreshed, this's the rebirth of Natsuki Subaru. I'm gonna be helping myself to relying on that witch's power. I'll use up my life any number of times.”
Subaru: “My sense of time's off thanks to the tea party, but this's just after the TRIAL, right.”
Echidna said that he RETURNED BY DEATH to the tomb, and turning his head about to check the surrounding confirms that this is indeed the tomb. Recognizing Echidna as correct, Subaru goes to start lugging Emilia out of this place, and proceeds searching for her.
Subaru: “Considering this's right after RETURN BY DEATH, and the third time, gotta think of how to interact with Garfiel. ...Don't think he'll suddenly try to kill me, but...”
Garfiel's a hasty person. He can't read ahead. Recollecting on Garfiel leads Subaru to think of his own DEATH to the Sizeable Hare, and prior to that the massacre of the villagers. A dark feeling boils up in Subaru without his intention.
Repelling the Hare, repelling Elsa, the puzzle of Sanctuary, and getting payback on Garfiel.
Be it a happening in a nonexistent world, Subaru regardless can't forgive it. He had to get Garfiel to pay up somehow. Subaru's negative feelings toward Garfiel peak as he mulls this over, but his thoughts abruptly come to a stop. Because,
Subaru: “...Where's Emilia?”
—Emilia isn't anywhere.
Subaru furrows his brows in unease, straining his eyes in the poorly-lit tomb. But no matter how he gazes over the relatively narrow space, he can't find Emilia. This is not regular.
Subaru: “If I'm right after the TRIAL, Emilia should still be doing hers...”
Unable to conquer her first TRIAL, Emilia should be suffering with her past, at Subaru's side. However she's nowhere inside the tomb. But, Subaru unmistakably did return to just after his TRIAL.
Subaru: “...”
His premonition was bad. Emilia being absent was different from conditions so far. A change which shouldn't have happened occurred because Subaru's actions changed the future. But what could an unconscious Subaru's actions do to have such an influence?
Stirred by unease, Subaru dashes out of the Trial room, toward the hallway. His footsteps peal out as he exits the corridor, leaves the tomb for the outside.
Beneath the moonlight, outside the tomb, what Subaru sees is—
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