CHAPTER 58: NANNA
Alongside Lewes and Pico, Subaru exits the house to see light creeping over the eastern sky, and first notices his own sleepiness.
Subaru: “Wuah, daybreak... was a pretty content-heavy night.”
This doesn't tie in with Subaru's personal sense of time, but the night started with Emilia's TRIAL, then Subaru's TRIAL, RETURNING BY DEATH back to reality, and his spat with Garfiel. Then he uncovered the facility's location, and learned its secrets from Lewes. Since it was all so dense he hadn't recognized the speed of it, but in contrast to his consciousness, his body can't conceal its fatigue. Although pretty late to be mentioning it, this imbalance between mind and body could also be called a fault of RETURN BY DEATH.
Subaru: “What I really wanna do's go back to the cathedral and sleep till noon, but...”
Lewes: “Yer could and it werldn't bother me. Since I'm about ter swap out with the next Lewes and have myself a good rest.”
Subaru: “Leaving aside your enviable work schedule, there's no time. I can't do it.”
Six days left—or no, since a day has already past, there are now five days remaining. Considering that getting to the mansion and back costs a day in itself, Subaru has a three-day limit for where he can actually act. He can't waste a precious half-day here, and although having seen and knowing a future where the witch attacks, he hesitates to reveal the situation to Lewes.
Subaru: “Can't rashly pull anything that'd probably make the Witch of ENVY show up...”
Sweat arises on Subaru's forehead. Subaru's faintly realised that his loose fucking lips during his chat with Echidna was the cause for the disaster that loop. Witch's restraints weren't doing their job, pissed her off good, blah blah blah. Which meant that it was probably safe to think that, if Subaru had been in the real world where the witch's hand could reach him directly, it would've attacked Subaru only. But,
Subaru: “Seriously rather not risk others' lives to confirm that.”
Mutters Subaru weakly as he looks down at Pico, holding his hand. She receives Subaru's gaze, her eyes widening even further in anticipation of his orders. It appears she's firmly recognized that the command right shifted, now that Subaru's commanded her once. She's obedient as a duckling tottering after its mother.
Lewes: “So, whatter yer planning ter do now, Lil' Su?”
Subaru: “For the moment, return to the mansion. There's someone there I need to talk to, and... I wanna see Frederica too. Lots of things I want supplemented.”
Lewes: “Frederica, hrm...”
Lewes furrows her brows as she meaningfully says the maid's name. Not a reaction very like Lewes. Subaru: “What, you happen to have some thoughts? About Frederica.”
Lewes: “...It's nerthing so important.” Subaru: “Lewes-san. I don't wanna use the command right if I can help it. Forcing you to follow orders's honestly a rather not.”
Shrugging, Subaru wafts about some signs of this being a supplication. But contrary to his statement, his sharpened sanpaku gaze loudly asserts, I'll use it if I have to. Lewes sighs. Lewes: “Thinking on it, feels like after Frederica left, bit by bit SANCTUARY's cogs started slipping outter place.”
Subaru: “Cogs started slipping?” Lewes: “The place's foundations being what they are, there'd be some dubiousness in calling things back then sound. But still... Mhrm, none'er the residents, er Lewes Meyer doubles, er Lil' Gar were as unsteady then as they are now.” Subaru goes quiet. Lewes: “I got expectations fer yer, Lil' Su.” Expectations, is a word Subaru knows graunches horribly in his heart. The feelings shouldered on him from the word 'expectations' were, for Subaru— Lewes: “Clumsy ties ter mislaid duties, continually preserved, have narrowly kept SANCTUARY alive fer a long time. That irrationality, now, creates fraying and tears. I got expectations fer yer, Lil' Su.” Subaru: “What're you, of me...” Lewes: “That yer'll bring end ter the witch's delusional convictions, bring end ter the reason fer
SANCTUARY's continuance, bring end ter Lewes Meyer's wish, in a way desirable ter everyone.” It's an incredibly heavy expectation.
Subaru immediately goes to respond with a 'Not happening'. But faced with the seriousness of Lewes' gaze— Subaru: “—” —his mouth doesn't move for him. Lewes: “That's fine fer now. Fer now, that's still fine.”
Lewes nods, as if she understands all of Subaru's hesitation and indecision.
In this instant alone, Subaru understands that regardless of her appearance being juvenile, her sense of values aligns properly to the age that she has lived.
Lewes: “It's about the end erv my time, now.”
With that somewhat rue-inspiring line, a dull light begins to emanate from Lewes' body. It reminds Subaru of spirits on the verge of disappearing, and he unwittingly reaches out for her. But,
Lewes: “Relax. I'm not relapsing ter mana. Just entering hibernation fer a tidge'er a while, to restock my spent mana. Another Lewes will come right erway.”
Subaru: “T-their looks and speech'll be the same, but they'll be a different person, right?”
Lewes: “That's right. Appearance en speech en even personality, 'er all consciously resemblant, but... it's someone else. Which means that I'm the only me whos's been speaking ter yer, Lil' Su. Lonely?”
Subaru: “Lonely isn't the problem here. Lewes-san, you... Lewes-san, don't you find it hard? Don't you ever think, that you dislike you four pretending to be one Lewes Meyer? Or ever wondered, where your own life comes into...”
Subaru understands that what he's asking is cruel. Even supposing that Lewes did think something about this, that sincerely she felt pain or sorrow about her situation, what could Subaru do knowing that?
What was the purpose of someone unlearned in principles of magic, details of mana, or even the basics of algorithms, continually reaching out for regrets they would never grasp? Lewes must have understood Subaru's troubles. She gives a light smile, her pink hair cloaked in morning hues, swaying in the wind.
Lewes: “Lil' Su, what're yer thoughts?”
Subaru: “—Huh?”
Lewes: “I'm leaving the answer ter that question, as one of the things I'm expecting of yer.”
Lewes' body fades like mist, melting slowly into the dawn. Even knowing it's different from vanishing, Subaru nevertheless can't believe it as he watches the fantastical sight. Someone had melded into the sunlight, and disappeared. That they hadn't been extinguished was unbelievable. But the next instant, a new silhouette appears in the spot where Lewes vanished. From their stature to their everything, they are exactly identical to the disappeared Lewes. She gives a shake of her head, and looks up at Subaru.
Lewes: “Doubt I need ter introduce myself, Lil' Su. I'm all done matching up what yer and the previous ME were talking abert.”
The new Lewes promptly fixes the gap between her and Subaru's perspectives, erasing his points of doubt. That done, Lewes tilts her head.
Lewes: “Now then, Lil' Su... how der we move?”
Subaru: “Right, yeah...”
Subaru looks up at the sky. Watching the dawn slowly spill across the night, he lets his attention slip into the break between his time spent and time remaining. Lowering his gaze, he looks to Lewes and Pico.
Subaru: “First, I wanna escape SANCTUARY. I'll be getting your help for that, Lewes-sans.”
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
The dawn passed, Subaru stands outside a dragon carriage shed. He opens the squeaky door as quietly as he can, searching for his partner. A jet-black figure melds into the darkness as she waits in the back for her master's summons.
Subaru: “Sorry for just leaving you here, Patrasche.”
Patrasche responds by stretching her neck out, rubbing her snout against Subaru. The gesture contains both affection, and sulkiness at being left aside, inspiring a tickly kind of feeling in Subaru.
Subaru: “Sorry for this suddenly when you're still waking up, but have a job. Can you ferry me back to the mansion again?”
Subaru pats her snout. Patrasche makes a noise in a 'You're just hopeless, Subaru-kun...' kind of 'no choice but to do it' way. Subaru sighs in relief at getting her agreement and unlatches her gate, readying to lead her outside. When she's not dragging any burdens along, Patrasche should be able to clear the half-a-day trip in a shorter timespan. If they depart right now at early morning, they'll probably reach the mansion before evening.
Subaru: “But man, it's a sloppy plan presupposing a re-do...”
This loop, Subaru has no intentions of bringing along the Arlam village evacuees in his trip to the mansion. Speaking frankly, he has the idea of re-doing it on his mind, and he's sweeping away all unneeded, indefinite elements for his hardcore information gathering. In this present where he's heard the story of Lewes Meyer and formed a rather friendly bond with Lewes, that is a regret. But,
Subaru: “Relations with Garfiel're terrible, and I've bitten into something that's gonna make them even worse.”
Transference of the command right—If Garfiel was the one who originally had it, and Subaru is who it switched over to, it's easy to imagine him searching with eyes bloodshot for the new rightholder. He would likely reach Subaru soon. Lewes wasn't sworn to secrecy. Subaru had informed her beforehand to answer nicely if Garfiel asked. All of that was done with an idea in mind.
Subaru: “—That I still left Emilia a goodbye note's just weak of me.”
If you consider this as a world that's going to re-done and disappeared, then there's no logical reason for Subaru to toil re: Emilia this loop. Because whatever her suffering, sorrow, or perhaps even resultant joy is, it's getting left behind in this disappearing world. But even though Subaru's brain understands this,
Subaru: “'Cause it's not logical, so.”
Even knowing that it's a world being left behind, Subaru doesn't want Emilia's expression to be sad. Subaru's inability to shut up would definitely confer Emilia some acute feeling. Without something to cling to, she may lose sight of her own footing. While happy that she was leaning on him that much, Subaru simultaneously finds it pitifully painful. Praying for that not to happen, and for it not to persist if it does, Subaru left Emilia a note. That said, the content was inoffensive stuff, listings of common phrases to inspire relief. Being that he can't convey the truth, all Subaru can do is smooth it over with superficial comforts.
Subaru: “Better than nothing... Or, guess it's an 'if Emilia weren't so dependant on me' thing.”
With Puck absent, Emilia's dependency on Subaru has been pretty intense. He knew this idea of his was just a temporary relief, and not even likely to go well. Nevertheless, Subaru was leaving Emilia behind and exiting SANCTUARY. He reasoned it a necessary sacrifice to overwrite a hopeless present with a hopeful future, his heart devilish as an oni.
Subaru: “Now, to get outta here quick before anyone finds m... hm?”
As part of getting Patrasche out of the shed, Subaru goes to retrieve her saddle from the carriage. Just after giving it a light dust-down with his hand and readying to mantle it on Patrasche's back, something skirts through the corner of Subaru's vision. It's,
Subaru: “Betelgeux's gospel, huh...”
A thick, black-bound tome near-hidden in the corner of the carriage. It's Betelgeux's thing, and honestly Subaru would rather dispose of it immediately, but it'd be trouble if negligent treatment meant it got into somebody's hands. Most importantly, Subaru'd been holding onto it hoping it may give some clues as to the goals and secrets of the Witch Cult.
Subaru: “Actually, that chat with Roswaal's changed my perspective on this thing a lot.”
Subaru puts the saddle on the seat, picking up the gospel with no particular intention. Feeling its considerable weight, the image of the bloodstained madman rises in Subaru's mind.
Betelgeux had harboured excessive attachment to the gospel, fully believing it proof of allegiance to the Witch. That its contents were imprecise instructions of what actions its owner Betelgeux should take was rather something cynical.
Subaru: “Roswaal, Beatrice, even Betelgeux... does goddamn everyone just happen to have books only they ca—?”
Subaru smoothly flips through the pages as he grumbles. That his fingers stop, and a strange noise escapes from his throat, is because of surprise.
Subaru: “I, can read it?”
The letters written on the gospel's white pages are properly perceptible to Subaru. It's in messy writing akin to a child's scrawl, but right there are lines of meaningful vocabulary. And written in I-GLYPHS, which even Subaru can read.
Subaru: “What... no way, the book accepted me as its owner? But I didn't do...” anything special, thinks Subaru, when he realises he does have an idea. Last time, when Subaru couldn't read the gospel, had been before he came to SANCTUARY. At the Capital, and in Roswaal's mansion after returning from the Capital. He hadn't any chances to open the gospel since then so he couldn't be sure, but it was unthinkable that this was unrelated to the happenings in SANCTUARY.
Or more precisely, not the happenings in SANCTUARY, but a more direct cause.
Subaru: “Did that fucking Echidna do something to me?”
It was likely that Echidna enacted some kind of meddling on Subaru's body so that he could take the tomb's TRIAL. Subaru inevitably suspected it had something to do with the tea. Echidna joked around calling it bodily fluids, but perhaps it'd been something else?
Something to drastically change Subaru's body from before.
Subaru: “Dunno if that was the reason, but last loop's changes were bigger than ever too.”
Perhaps the cause for the WITCH OF ENVY's rampage was more than just revealing RETURN BY DEATH to Echidna. That Subaru lacks the time to immediately question her is a thing of regret for him.
Subaru: “...But, maybe I'm not necessarily the owner.”
Being accepted by a Witch Cult gospel was a fucking grossout of a predicament, but as Subaru glances over the pages, he judges that the messages are not directed at him, but rather just information conveyed to Betelgeux that he can now read.
There aren't any dates, so Subaru can't tell when the events written on the first page happened. But the writings do span a good number of pages, the image arising in Subaru's mind of Betelgeux blasting through the contents one by one. They fundamentally boil down to where to go and what to do, giving no information as to how it all connects to any single, specific result. Betelgeux most likely had assumed, regardless of the result's presence or absence, that all the deeds were ones headed somewhere favourable for the Witch Cult.
Subaru continues skimming through the gospel, coming to reach the end of the writ. All the pages beyond this point are blank. On the last page of text sits the rusty-red word END, written by Subaru in blood and big letters. Before that, the last proper writ of the gospel states:
Subaru: “In Mathers' domain, Trial on silver-haired half-witch... huh. Don't understand it.”
Being that Subaru doesn't know the details of the TRIAL, the only information this writ presents is that Betelgeux attempted to attack Emilia. All it does is give Subaru conviction that the wicked deeds Betelgeux committed were spurred by the writ of the gospel.
Subaru: “...Right, my bad my bad. We'll get going right away.”
An impatient Patrasche bumps Subaru with her snout as he leans against the carriage. He smiles wryly at the gesture, returning the gospel to its original spot. With what he just saw still lodging in his memories, Subaru shifts his attention to another problem. That being, escaping SANCTUARY and returning to mansion.
Subaru: “Let's get outta SANCTUARY making as little racket as possible. Quietly, silent secret manoeuvring please”
Patrasche: “——Ϡ!!”
Subaru mounts himself on a saddled Patrasche as he pleads, Patrasche responding with a bold and wondrous roar, stating: Leave it to me! While nonetheless sensing the reliability of his completely not-understanding partner, Subaru calms an excited Patrasche and sets their course toward SANCTUARY's exit.
The rising sun glitters distant in the eastern sky, its first light spilling over the forest treetops. The earlybird residents will wake up and make this nightflight harder if Subaru and Patrasche don't hurry.
Rushing Patrasche along, Subaru savours the initial jolt of momentum as Patrasche accelerates into a run. Her body instantly enters the effects of her WINDBREAKER BLESSING, the effects of wind and jolting no long reaching Subaru's body. They speed out of SANCTUARY and enter the forest. Patrasche sprints along the shoddy trails, unhesitatingly darting in the mansion's direction. From previous events, Subaru knows his grip on the reigns has no bearing on it, Patrasche will by her own volition select the path optimum for him. There's a sadness to it, but leaving it to Patrasche is the best he can do. He holds the reins in appearance only, gripping down firm on her tough hide, Subaru and Patrasche becoming a single body as they rush through the forest. They'll exit the woods and succeed in escaping SANCTUARY in under an hour, provided there's no interruptions.
???: “Hw... yer wait right there, hrrraaAAH!!”
The heel swinging down from the sky overhead bores into the road, the earth exploding. Billowing dustclouds and splinters of trees urge Patrasche brake immediately, her feet gouging the dirt as she skids to a stop. Her divinely-touched consideration keeps Subaru's balance steady to prevent him from falling as she glares ahead. Subaru, sustaining and enduring the shock, looks at the same thing Patrasche has set her glare on.
???: “You... What fuckin' plottin' fuckin' ideas fuckin' intentions're ya got, huh, oi!”
Absolutely pissed, Garfiel kicks the ground. His nose scrunched up, irritation and displeasure on full display, Garfiel bares his fangs at a Subaru looking down from atop Patrasche.
Garfiel: “Don't yer look down, dismount. This's a talk happenin' on even eye level. We're startin' from there. I'll beat yer in, y'fuck...”
Subaru: “Somehow I figured you'd be getting in the way, Garfiel.”
Garfiel: “Well my amazin' self sure fuckin' didn't figure an inch yer'd be pullin' this fucked bullshit! Yer curlin' in yer tail n' tryin' ter run now? Don't yer fuckin' piss th's shit around! You! 'N SANCTUARY! N' the half-witch n' Roswaal! Everyone! We're all 'n th'same fuckin' boat! Until the TRIAL's over, we ain't ever leavin'...”
Subaru: “That's your facade, right?”
Garfiel: “—”
Subaru's short question prompts Garfiel's enraged expression to shift. The blazing needlepoint fury in his eyes tempers, the only noise being the sound of his breathing and quiet clicks of his teeth.
Subaru: “Garfiel, you're keeping us trapped in SANCTUARY like this, acting as if you want us to clear the TRIAL... but that's not what you're really looking for, is it?”
Garfiel: “What're yer mean with that, oi.”
Subaru: “There's no damn 'what do I mean'. If you truly wish for SANCTUARY's freedom, you ought to overlook my actions. The instant you're not doing that, that you can't do that, it means there's some annoying ulterior motive involved. Correct?”
Garfiel: “Ha, don't talk idiocy. My amazin' self simply ain't fuckin' pleased with pricks like you who're shittin' out their diarrhoea witch stink, fuckin' sneakin' 'round the place...”
Subaru: “Do you actually sense the witch's smell from me?”
Subaru's question again leads Garfiel to lose his words. His eyes water, his lips quiver. Just seeing that reaction is enough for a bitter smile to near well up inside Subaru.
Subaru: “What tipped me off was last night after leaving the tomb. Honestly, there was nowhere I was more on guard thinking you might kill me than that instant.”
Garfiel: “...Eh? Fuck're you saying?”
Subaru: “You don't understand what I mean, and so I'm thinking your proclamations of having a functioning nose are a lie.”
Directly after RETURNING BY DEATH, with the reason for death being interaction with the Witch. Garfiel interacted with a Subaru supposedly emanating a correspondingly pungent scent of witch in a demeanour identical to always. After parting, he summoned Subaru as if he'd just remembered it, and then was last night's exchange. —Crossing the line for unnatural.
Subaru: “I did think you might've been pretending not to notice there, to keep from aggravating the conversation... but considering your impulsiveness, I decided that wasn't it.”
Garfiel: “Yer sure fuckin' sayin' whatever the shit yer like. My amazin' self's lyin' that I can smell witch on yer? Ha, stupid n' useless! What point is there in lyin' 'bout that, eh? What goddamn point...”
Subaru: “But there is a point. If you're telling me this, drawing my wariness towards you... it distracts my caution from the fundamental PERSON WHO DOES HAVE A WORKING NOSE.”
Garfiel: “—”
Subaru's statement, more than likely, hits to the heart of Garfiel's intentions. The instant Garfiel hears it, his expression shifts in the truest of senses. From an attitude of settling matters through conversation, to something simplistic and permitting of settlement through violence.
Garfiel's arms bloat in mass. Golden fur starts covering his exposed skin, his slouch worsening, his posture edging closer to quadrupedal than hunched over.
Garfiel: “I ain't listenin' ter anythin' yer have ter say anymore. Looks like yer found outter bout somethin' you shouldn't. Yer can't be left alive.”
Subaru: “Don't say that, Garfiel. You best listen to me for a little longer. Don't, and you won't know where your secrets slipped from, right?”
Garfiel: “My secrets...?”
Asks Garfiel, glowering.
Mounted atop Patrasche, Subaru aims his arm to the heavens to dispel Garfiel's distrust, and clicks his fingers.
Garfiel: “Au, ah?” Garfiel's gaze freezes on the sight before him. Appearing in sequence to surround Patrasche, assembled according to Subaru's instruction, are doubles of Lewes Meyer—numbering to 21. Having this time recreated the familiar scene by his own hands, Subaru jabs his finger at Garfiel.
Subaru: “Seeing this, you do understand my position now, yeah?” Garfiel: “Why... how'd you, that place!” Subaru: “Regret and agony as sacrifices, summoned has been the truth. And my turn's not over yet.” Facing his palm above, Subaru looks down at a panicked Garfiel from atop his mount.
Garfiel's throat chokes in receiving that gaze. Drunk on exhibiting uncovered truths, Subaru,
Subaru: “The command right's transferred to me. I ordered them to obey and preform your commands as usual over the night, so that you wouldn't notice.” Garfiel: “—a,” Subaru: “That ruse ends now. Hear this, Garfiel? I am leaving SANCTUARY and returning to the mansion. I've got things I ought to do. So, I can't have you getting in my way.” Sensing what Subaru is going to order, Garfiel's expression collapses. The hardened determination melts away from his face, confusion showing through, his frail expression that of a young and lost child. His transformation halts, his enlarged stature returning to its usual petite state. Subaru: “Don't follow me, Garfiel. There's piles of things I wanna ask you, but for this try those're being postponed. I've got way too many things I gotta ask about, including the command right.” Garfiel: “Do... don't fuck with me. Do yer think this's gonna make my amazin' self give...” Subaru: “Oh you'll stop. Fundamentally, you're a softy.” Garfiel leaps, howling at Subaru's rather provocatory statement. He bears his fangs, closing in to crush Subaru and Patrasche both. But, a small silhouette cuts in before him. A double. Garfiel swings his arm up, going to swat it away. But as he plunges his arm down, right before landing the strike—
???: “—Lil' Gar.”
Garfiel: “—!?”
Addressed by his nickname, Garfiel's expression instantly shifts. His readied arm instead slices through the air. And, suspended in space, the hands of the doubles grab him from behind, forcing and holding him to the ground. The doubles' arms span all across Garfiel's body, restraining him. Spearheading them, and looking down at Garfiel with their expression sorrowful is,
???: “This should be enough fer the job erv keeping him put, Lil' Su.”
Subaru: “Yeah, this helped. Figured Garfiel would never think of this idea.”
During the fight with the Witch of ENVY, Garfiel unsparingly used the doubles like pawns. But the one Lewes Meyer possessing a will was absent from that event. There was the fact that she'd probably been consumed by the shadow already, but Subaru suspected there was another reason. With a calculation deemable as cruelty beyond cruel,
Subaru: “You can't treat the Lewes-san you consider as family the same as the other doubles. If there's any difference between us in how we use the command right, that's why.”
Garfiel: “You, fucker!”
Subaru: “But even neverminding that, you're not capable of destroying the Lewes Meyer doubles with your own hands, right? Just behave, and overlook me. It won't turn anything bad.”
Garfiel: “How could things get fucking worse'n this. Don't fuck with me. Don't fuckin' fuck with me!”
Subaru hears his howling, but consciously ignores it as he taps Patrasche's back. She senses Subaru's intentions, giving a small growl as she turns her back to the restrained Garfiel and faces toward the forest exit. Before taking off, Subaru glances back at Lewes.
Subaru: “I'm sorry for making you do this.”
Lewes: “I'm sure yer've judged it necessary. I couldn't resist even if I wanted ter. There's no need ter aim yer concern at me.”
Subaru: “But still, I'm sorry.”
Lewes looks down at Garfiel with her gaze sympathetic. Subaru leaves his apology as his goodbye, urging Patrasche to run. Again, WINDBREAKER BLESSING abandons sounds, abandons wind.
Garfiel: “Wait! Wait up! You, don't fuckin' joke 'round, oi!!”
A voice pursues Subaru, growing distant. Leaving it behind, accelerating, Subaru exits the forest—exits SANCTUARY.
Garfiel: “Let me go! He can't be let outside... why, why why why!? Are you really on his side more'n mine, y'granny? Wh-why, why...”
Lewes: “—”
Garfiel: “Nanna—!!”
The forest echoes with a cry of grief, betraying his love. Choosing to leave it all behind, Subaru runs straight through the woods.
Necessary sacrifices, necessary sorrows, all cornerstones for the future. Biting open his lip, feeling the blood pool, Subaru judges Garfiel's sorrow in this instant as a sacrifice made for the finale.
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