CHAPTER 70: WHAT COMES AFTER HELL
—What on earth was he watching here?
Subaru: <—>
Screaming shrill as she cries Subaru's name is Emilia. And leaned face-down on the bed is Subaru's body, devoid of strength, its snap-open eyes barren of life. Naturally. With its throat wrecked by a dagger, and with that much bloodshed, it couldn't possibly be alive.
This was the rare experience of looking down at your own corpse and death. It was as if he had exited his dead body as a ghost and been made to watch the following spectacle, this twisted sensation. While the majority of that sensation was inaccurate, the fundamental part was not.
—What Subaru was being shown was unmistakably the scene after his death.
Subaru: <—>
The room's furnishings, the people present here, and the atrocious form of his dead self. Putting these together, Subaru realises just what scene he is being shown here.
This was after subjugating Cardinal of Sin Betelgeux Romanée-Conti and saving Emilia, when he first learned of Rem's forfeiture, and the results of his impulsive deed.
Subaru had been overjoyed, felling the White Whale, repelling Sloth, saving Emilia and the Arlam Villagers. But learning immediately after that Rem was gone had sent him plummeting into the pit of the Abyss. He sped in the carriage to reach the Royal Capital—where at Crusch Karsten's manor, after seeing the sleeping Rem, then confirming that her consciousness was absent and nobody remembered her, Subaru instantly committed suicide by stabbing himself through the throat.
It was a knee-jerk reaction, with not a single moment of deep consideration put into it. He had merely done it to reject the scene before him. Done it to take back what had been lost, clinging to RETURN BY DEATH in an attempted to redo the past.
—However, his rash deed came to no success. The place he returned to after suicide was immediately before he stabbed his neck, already after reuniting with the sleeping Rem.
RETURN BY DEATH's save point had updated. Heartlessly it stole Subaru's means of recovering Rem, again sending Subaru plummeting into the depths of despondency and despair. He afterwards firmed his resolve to recover Rem, pledging for her reawakening and now somehow managing to keep standing, but—
Subaru: <This isn't, about me. ...This doesn't have anything to do with me. I don't know this... I couldn't know anything about this!>
He has never seen this scene before. Well of course. Subaru had already died in this universe. Even Subaru, who possessed means to return to the world after losing his life, did not comprehend what happened to worlds after he died. Or no, could not comprehend.
It was not until this moment that he had ever recognized it. For a Subaru who had died and then returned to walk along different path, successfully evading a dead-end world, said world could bring him no information except WHY DID HE DIE. Nothing more than a crossing point. Determining these world as checkpoints for reaching his ultimately desired future, and having decided to utilize RETURN BY DEATH, he had regarded even the present world as no more than a waypoint. Now—that was crumbling.
Subaru: <Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it please stop!>
Rejecting the scene before him, Subaru shrieks in silent voice. But without a throat he produces no sound, he has no hope of averting his eyeless gaze, and he cannot cover his non-existent ears. Into Subaru the world proceeds to engrave these consequences. —Punishment, for the careless deed he committed.
???: “Emilia-sama, what—!”
Hearing Emilia's wails, a new character steps into the horrendous scene. A fresh butler outfit garbs his toned body, his stride giving no indication of the injuries on this old man—Wilhelm. He swoops into the room, unwittingly falling silent at the sight before him.
—So even the Sword Demon Wilhelm makes faces that utterly dumbfounded.
Seeing Wilhelm from straight-on, Subaru gets hit with that out-of-place thought. That was how much Wilhelm's expression in seeing Subaru's cadaver deviated from usual, unable to conceal his shock.
Wilhelm: “What in the world has... no, presently... Subaru-dono!”
But Wilhelm's disarray only lasts an instant. He shakes his head to promptly suppress his bafflement as he dashes to the crumpled Subaru's side. Emilia remains clinging to the limp body, oblivious to Wilhelm.
Emilia: “Subaru... Subaru... you, liar... you said we'd, be toge, ther...”
Wilhelm: “Emilia-sama, I beg your forgiveness—!”
Emilia condemns Subaru's betrayal like a curse, when Wilhelm pushes her aside and away from the corpse. Without anything supporting her body she hits the floor, but Wilhelm redirects his instant of attention toward Emilia back to Subaru, wet with fresh and incredible bloodstains as Wilhelm begins resuscitating him.
Wilhelm: “—”
Expression grave, Wilhelm sheds his jacket, using it to cover Subaru's throat as he unhesitatingly yanks out the dagger. Blood spouts to muddy Wilhelm's wicked visage, but he goes without even blinking as he immediately plugs the wound. The bleeding stopped, Wilhelm presses down on Subaru's stilled chest, stimulating his heart.
Wilhelm: “Felis! Felix! Come quickly!! Emergency! Hurry!!”
Aiming his roars outside the room, Wilhelm applies pressure to Subaru's wound as he continues the resuscitation effort. However, the volume of shed blood is incredibly great. His limbs and face absent of colour, that Natsuki Subaru's soul no longer remains here was a fact apparent to anyone. Regardless, Wilhelm makes no motion to stop.
Felis: “Old Will, what're you yelling ab—hk”
Wilhelm: “Hasten, Felix! A knife's stabbed his throat! Every second is critical!”
Felis: “—!”
Felis dashes into the room at the summons. He nods instantly to Wilhelm's instructions, cloaking his hands in a blue aura as he sends healing magic into the fallen Subaru's body. On the face of the always-unflappable Felix there dwells a seriousness Subaru has never seen before, which he witnesses as he looks down at his own soulless husk.
Subaru: <Just, stop. ...You can't. It won't work. You can't save him any more...>
Anything they could do would be pointless. Subaru had no memory of being rescued after attempting suicide. Natsuki Subaru impulsively stabbed a dagger through his throat in rejection of reality, irreparably wounded the hearts of many people, and while feeling no chastisement in the least for that, disappeared. Those were the facts. The dedicated efforts of these two would come to no conclusion.
Wilhelm: “You shan't pass on! I shan't allow you pass on! If I am to lose a benefactor in this fashion, I could not live with the shame!”
Felis: “Why'd he have to go pulling this stupidity now...”
Putting pressure on the wound, Wilhelm shouts with tenacity. Even while spitting his agitated remark, Felis casts the kindest magic in the world. This sight, their ripples of emotion, slam Subaru about the heart. But, no matter how hard they try—
Felis: “—”
Wilhelm: “Felix! Why!? Why have you stopped healing!? Should this go on...”
Felis: “It's over, Old Will. —His soul isn't anywhere any more.”
Wilhelm closes in on Felis. Pushing him away, Felis removes Wilhelm's jacket and uses a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe Subaru's wound. The cut closes cleanly, this body no longer conceivable as having sustained fatal injury, returned back to the several-minutes-prior healthy Subaru.
But neither did its loads of spilt blood nor departed soul remain inside.
Looking down at the pale, dead Subaru, Wilhelm shakes his head.
Wilhelm: “Why... why is this! Why, so easily... Subaru-dono, you were...!”
Slammed with a fist, the floor cracks open. The blood mixed with the bits of broken floor happens because Wilhelm's punch split his fist open as well. Blood dripping from his knuckles, Wilhelm's incredible regret leads him to bite his lip open.
Opposite the clearly emotional Wilhelm, Felis too looks down at Subaru with a pained expression. His ears droop as he gazes at the not-exactly-peaceful dead Subaru.
Felis: “...Weakling, coward. You just abyandoned eeeeveryone dear to you. ...Pushing all the pain, and all the suffering onto everybody... are you satisfied nyow?”
Too severe to be sarcasm, too compassionate to be condemnation. The complexity of the emotion hidden in Felis' voice is beyond the comprehension of the current Subaru consciousness, thoughts frozen. But, Wilhelm and Felis' attitudes lead him to clearly understand.
—Subaru had stricken the two of them with something irreversible.
Subaru: <—>
His mind stalls absolutely. What was he being shown here?
He knew. He knew far and long ago what he was being shown. He was being shown sin.
Wilhelm: “—Emilia-sama?”
The puzzlement in Wilhelm's tone as he suddenly calls her name is likely because Emilia's sobbing cuts off, and her body stops its trembling. Pain runs through Wilhelm's expression. He had only just experienced the bereavement himself, so how much of a shock would this be to Emilia, who was even closer to Subaru? That breed of expression.
The old man closes his eyes once, firm. He stands up. Then he walks over to the side of the collapsed Emilia, reaching out to upright her. Wilhelm: “I sincerely apologize for what I have done, Emilia-sama. However, your body shall suffer harm, should you remain like this. Please, with care.” Emilia: “—told me.” Wilhelm: “Emilia-sama?” Emilia: “And he told me he loved me!” Still on her side as she hugs her knees, Emilia curls into a ball as she screams, crying.
That is behaving like a child, was not a reprimand anyone present could voice. Wilhelm's brows knit as if enduring pain, and even Felis averts his gaze, unable to bear watching Emilia's heartbroken grief. When—
Felis: “Whh?”
Baffled, Felis' eyes and mouth open wide as a dumb noise slips from his throat. Guided by his voice, Wilhelm follows Felis' gaze, and is stunned. —Before the two of them, Subaru's supposedly-perished body has uprighted itself. Subaru: <—!?> This spectacle transcending comprehension shocks even Subaru's consciousness.
His uprighted flesh stretches out its limbs with the choppy movement of a mechanical doll, standing up with its head still bent ninety-degrees sideways, eyes slowly opening. Its unfocused gaze, its light-bereft pupils, leer over the room.
Wilhelm: “Fehl...” Felis: “Impossible! His body was unmistakably dead! The resuscitation failed!” Wilhelm clings to hope as he calls on Felis, when Felis interrupts by guessing Wilhelm's intentions and shouting his thoughts. Hearing this, Wilhelm immediately determines what to do. That is—
Wilhelm: “Subaru-dono, forgive me—!” Even without a blade, the Sword Demon suffers no detriment to his skill. Wilhelm crouches down to retrieve his jacket discarded on the floor, twists up this thing wet with Subaru's blood, and uses his whole body to spear it forward like a lance.
Riding the speed and heavy with blood, this thing drilling through the air was a cloth spear. Using this impromptu craft, Wilhelm strikes a preemtive blow against the standing Subaru. His aim is true, as the jacket's point jabs straight to pierce Subaru's face and—
Wilhelm: “—Won't.”
—The cascade of shadows bursting up from underfoot consumes the jacket, vanishing Wilhelm's attack. Witnessing this and its complete lack of forewarning, Wilhelm promptly pulls back his arm—but he cannot avoid damages. Three fingers on his right hand have, alongside the jacket, been plucked off at the first knuckle.
Jumping back, clicking his tongue, blood dripping, Wilhelm takes distance from the stock-still Subaru.
Wilhelm: “Felix! Take Emilia-sama and leave immediately! I shall keep him stalled!”
Felis: “Don't have a swor... all I've got's a dyagger!”
Tumbling back to a corner of the room, Felis tosses the dagger at his hip to Wilhelm. He catches it with his left hand, twisting his wrist to draw it from its scabbard.
Wilhelm: “Feels irregular with short weapons,”
He mutters.
Wilhelm: “Flee the manor, and on Crusch-sama's instructions—no, that won't work now. Felix, go by your judgement. Bring the Knights here.”
Felis: “This'll be dicey on your own, Old Will?”
Wilhelm: “Something equal to the White Whale, potentially... had been cradled inside Subaru¬dono.”
Estimating the combat strength of his opponent, Wilhelm swallows his breath as a cold sweat rises on his skin. Faced with a plainly wary Sword Demon, Subaru's arms remain dangling limp, his gaze puttering about as he looks at nothing, his upper body swaying unsteadily from side to side.
This thing has no rational thought. Most likely its awareness is patchy too. The problem here is that regardless of being in this state, it's aware enough for self-defence.
Wilhelm continues the fierce glaring match with the eldritch-turned Subaru. Meanwhile, watching all of this, what's caught up in a storm of question marks is Subaru's consciousness.
The situation was clearly changing from what it had been. Shown this sin, his heart destroyed, and now Subaru was subject to watching something even more incomprehensible in this universe after his death. What in the world was this scene.
Did this actually happen? If not, what was the point of it? Why exactly was his consciousness here, now? He didn't understand anything. Understood not a thing at all, but— Wilhelm: “Felix! To Emilia-sama!” Felis: “I said I got it! Emilia-sama, come he—!?” Wilhelm urges Felis to hurry, and answering that insistence Felis cuts across the room to hurriedly help the fallen Emilia up. However, a quake instantly rocks Felis' expression. Because,
???: “—How dare you make Lia cry.” Birthing white haze, a small silhouette dives down to the centre of the room. Grey-furred, tail as long as its body, small enough to fit in the hand, but the pressure it exerts is intense enough for the thing to be mistaken for a great and ferocious beast.
His first appearance in a long time, the little spirit floats in the room's centre, looking down at Subaru. His expression carries a thorniness beyond simple comprehension, his muttered words laced with hatred.
Puck: “Factoring the barbarism of that body's owner alongside, you're deserving of myriad deaths— you damned witch.” Frigid bloodlust floods the cramped room. Wilhelm exhales in white. Seeing Puck morph his bloodlust into spearpoints of ice, his expression stiffens.
Wilhelm: “Spirit... Emilia-sama has, not possibly...”
Puck: “Right now, Lia's unconscious. As stated by contract, I'll act on my own judgement. I'm not forgiving the witch. I'm protecting Lia. —That man who made Lia cry, I'm not forgiving either.” Wilhelm: “But! If we fight here and now, the casualties—” Puck: “Violated your pledge, and froze my Lia's heart. —It's time enough I end you.” Ignoring Wilhelm's complaints, Puck's frigid murder more takes more definite form.
The room fills with white mist, freezing the surroundings, absolutely everything here beginning to die. In a world where even breath could turn to ice, entirely bathed in Puck's enmity, is Subaru. Subaru raises his head, for the first time seeing Puck. Those eyes blind to everything gaze at the floating Puck. When his eyelids twitch. And,
Subaru: “—” He snickers. Subaru's dead body crooks its cheeks, and snickers at seeing Puck.
With its face virulent, contorted, and derisive. Subaru: <—Sto,> Seeing this much, Subaru's consciousness cries out prior the definitive calamity.
But, his cry achieves nothing. Sweeping his little arm from up to down, Puck births a small-scale glacier inside the room, its absolute zero threatening to consume Subaru's corpse. Shadows burst up from below to beat the ice back—and a torrent of mana throws the small room into disarray, catching Wilhelm and even Felis in the whorling nexus—to explode. Shrieks and wails, freezing ice, cracking and crumbling, all peal out as white demise and black despair intermingle to shroud out everything. Subaru: <—!!> Like electricity cut, the world vanishes of all colour.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Subaru: “—buh”
The pain of his face smacking against the ground leads Subaru's consciousness into awakening.
His jaw strikes the damp floor, Subaru tearing up at the stinging pain as he shakes his head. And, promptly looking up, he speedily looks about the surroundings. —Nothing is off.
Subaru: “I-inside the, tomb...”
Cold air and dark space, damp floor with the stench of mould. Definitely the tomb. Confirming this much, Subaru next clenches and unclenches his hands, checking there is nothing out of place with his limbs. His ragged breathing steadily begins to settle down, pushing deep breaths out his lungs to forcibly regain his calm. The trembling sensation in the core of the gut alone does he fail to dispel.
Subaru: “A daydream... 'd be, way too convenient. But, that was...” just what, exactly? Unwillingly made to witness the scene, Subaru thinks back on just what situation he's been put in. First of all and unmistakably, that had been A SCENE FROM AFTER SUBARU DIED.
Emilia's shrieks at seeing a dead Subaru, Wilhelm and Felis' futile devotion—and the nightmarish clashing of powers at the end. The scars the first half butchered into his mind, and the apprehensions the second half spawned in his heart, quake his soul with their incomprehensibility and uncontrollability.
Subaru: “Ugh, bhh—”
The second he remembers it, a hideous, wrenching pain in his gut leads him to bend over, the contents of his stomach splattering to the floor. That said, he had not even really eaten dinner. All that comes out is the small amount of tea he had drunken about an hour ago, and yellowy stomach acid. He forces his stomach to constrict as he repeats and repeats this vomiting, pretending that he's answered to his body's demands.
Puking and puking and puking and more, Subaru realises that he has a guess as to what the variation in his situation is, and what the cause may be.
If he had not been summoned to Echidna's dream castle, then the number of places he would be called while forfeiting consciousness would amount to one.
Subaru: “No way, the TRIAL? Not the past, the second one!?”
Realising this possibility, Subaru is stupefied.
Subaru had overcome the first TRIAL several days ago now. But that statement only applied to his soul, and for his body the TRIAL had occurred only a few hours prior. Meaning, he should not be meeting the requirements to proceed to the next stage. If the TRIAL had begun regardless, then the only thing to call it was 'irregular'. And most importantly, according to Echidna—
Subaru: “This TRIAL's not as painful as the one to face your past, is what she said, but...”
—Hypothetically, presuming the scene Subaru saw was part of the TRIAL, then even discounting its superficiality, he felt it an unfolding of the worst.
That scene was, for Subaru, what came after Hell. Subaru had witnessed Hell numerous times. He was aware of that. And if it were for the sake of obtaining the optimum future, Subaru had prepared himself to see Hell many times again.
—But, preparation to go even deeper than Hell, to learn of an even worse realm?
<Witness the uncomeatable present.>
Subaru: “—Wha!?”
Faced with a terrifying experience and lost on whether to stay or retreat, a whisper abruptly skims across Subaru's ear.
Startled and body made to tense—exactly in that instant, the loss of consciousness comes to visit him.
Falling to his knees and unable to support himself, Subaru again collapses shoulder-first to the floor. He frantically raises his head in an attempt to keep conscious, but neither his eyelids nor neck manage to counter the invisible force as he is promptly dragged into the Abyssal depths.
—The TRIAL, the deepest pit of Hell, was again welcoming Subaru.
Subaru: <—>
When he opens his eyes, Subaru finds himself in a grassland, at the scene where Julius' sword had sliced open his throat—and again he is forced to witness his sins. 4
4 These next few chapters are heavy in events which refer to an as-yet unrevealed greater context, or at least seem to. Because of this sometimes I have no idea what the characters are actually referring to, and some parts of the translation will likely get jank(ier). A good rule of thumb is if it's Puck talking, I have no idea what the fuck he's really going on about, but I will try my best.
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