CHAPTER 93: MUTUAL PROPOSALS
Puck: <If the contract between me and her terminates, can I maybe leave what comes after to you?>
Subaru: <...Depending on why you're doing this, yeah.>
Wetting his lips with his tongue, Subaru ignores the pressing dryness of his throat as he faces Puck. Being that he is inside the crystal, Puck's expression remains invisible to Subaru. But the vortex of emotion packed in his words convinces Subaru that these are no frivolous statements.
But, they're talking about contracts. And even moreso, a contract between a spirit and a spirit practitioner, who put the greatest emphasis on the things. Puck's declaration of one-sidedly MAKING THE CONTRACT BREAK—the motives behind this are nothing Subaru can suppose so easily.
Subaru: <The contracts between you and Emilia... put simply, it's an agreement between a spirit and a contractor, right? Making that break'd have to come with an appropriate penalty, yeah?>
Puck: <Yes, naturally.>
Subaru: <If my imagination's correct, the contractor is someone who borrows a spirit's power by upholding the contract. If the contractor can't uphold the contract, well this is obvious but the spirit loses pretext to lend the contractor their strength. ...So basically, making the contract break means...>
Puck: <That the tie between myself and Lia will disappear, pretty much.>
Puck offers no denials or amendments to Subaru's speculation, instead accepting it. But if he was affirming this, then that meant—
Subaru: <Her being unable to borrow your power... means Emilia loses her combat strength. What's gonna happen's that she gets demoted to just being a sole, single girl.>
Puck: <That doesn't really have anything to do with it for you, does it? Regardless of whether Lia has power or not, you're the one not wanting to let her fight. Does look like the disagreement around how Lia herself thinks about it got you down, though.>
Subaru: <Guh... That's, not wrong, no. But my feelings and that stuff doesn't matter to this. All this blah blah about combat power's unrelated to the core of the problem. What's important here is... what will happen with Emilia, when you're not with her anymore.>
Puck's absence was, to Emilia, equivalent to losing her mental support. If what Puck's said so far is truth, then the deep parts of Emilia's heart have noticed that Puck isn't actually sleeping. The delicate bond between them has not been severed. But even with this slight link between them in tact, Emilia is haggard and cornered. So much so that she gets entirely dependant on Subaru, saying she won't leave his side.
If that was what being truly devoid of her connection with Puck meant, then—
Subaru: <It wouldn't be strange for Emilia to lose mental equilibrium on the spot. That has to be one of the top three things you don't want to see, either. What're you plotting.>
Puck: <There's no plots in it. I'm only doing what will push things into the best form for Lia. I'm not going to do and I can't do things that she doesn't wish for.>
Subaru: <Emilia is wishing for her contract with you to be annulled?>
Puck: <That's wrong, Subaru. The loss of our contract is nothing more than a side-product for granting her wishes. Lia's present wish is, without any doubt, to overcome the tomb's TRIAL. There's no need to doubt that, and you're safe to believe it.>
Subaru has no suspicions regarding that point, either. Emilia's been unable to face her past, instead witnessing a false past as the TRIAL repeatedly breaks her—is Puck's hypothesis, which also does not invite doubts on said point, supposing Subaru believes it. Subaru believed, more than anyone else, that Emilia's nature was nothing so diminutive as to only PRETEND to be attempting to overcome the obstacles before her.
Subaru's agreement should not be transmitting to Puck in words. But nevertheless, Puck's mental voice lowers slightly, as if communicating straight to Subaru's heart.
Puck: <I'm certain that if she learns I'm gone, Lia will break down. So bad that she'll be crying like a child, wailing, chaotic.>
Subaru: <—>
Puck: <But, I think that's okay. This situation where her surface heart believes I'm gone, and inner heart knows I'm here, in itself is what's unnatural. When both her heart's front and back understand that I'm gone... when the obvious shackles sealing her past come undone, then for the first time, Lia will be able to face her heart.>
Puck's words are quiet, but packed with multitudinous emotion. Compassion, sorrow, joy, and abounding devotion, ready to sacrifice everything to his most dear.
Subaru: <Then, losing the bond with you... so that she can face herself, will let her move forward?>
Puck: <Mhm, yeah. I'm sure there'll be many more painful things, but I know Lia's a girl who can persevere through them.>
Subaru: <You're not gonna be with her any more, y'know. You aren't worried? You want to be with your daughter, infinitely soft-hearted and always putting herself second to her disadvantage, protecting her. Isn't that what you think?>
Subaru himself is starting to lose sight of what exactly it is he's saying. Should Puck's proposal produced the desired results, then absolutely it will beckon in the developments that Subaru is hoping for. Puck is exactly right, the existence or nonexistence of Emilia's combat ability is completely unrelated to this for Subaru, who is anguishing to keep her from the battleground. Subaru can happily welcome Puck's proposal, and has no reason to hinder it. And still.
Puck: <Though, my thoughts were that lately, you haven't been very happy about me being at Lia's side.> Subaru: <You're not wrong to think that. ...With the stuff that's happened between us, your stocks're at an ultimate low for me, and they're not gonna be climbing so easily. One decision where it's like you're sacrificing yourself for Emilia isn't going to clear away this embittered distrust.>
Puck: <That certainly was a statement, that made me kind of sad.> Subaru: <But.> This ironing out of mutual opinions is assuredly not inaccurate. Subaru doubted he could simply swallow down Puck's words, or that his negative impression of him would change so easily.
These words Subaru spoke were not falsehood. But, Subaru: <I'm envisioning Emilia there without you, in sadness. And I know best, so much it's painful, that you're the biggest presence there is for Emilia. That's what you are and so, I...>
Puck: <—> His words not proceeding, Subaru proceeds only with a vortex of indefinite thought. Puck too preserves the mental silence, quietly waiting for Subaru's vague ideas to take shape.
But the more panicked he gets, his answer loses more of its definition, turning it into something uncertain. Subaru: <I'm. So, for me, you're...> Puck: <Your presence is a big part of why I can make this decision, Subaru.> Murmurs Puck. The whisper in his skull prompts Subaru to raise his head, looking, stunned, at the green crystal. Puck: <As you said, Lia's more important than anything to me. I want to always be watching over her, and I want to be at her side to lend her my strength. Even now, when I determine it's for her sake that I be gone, those feelings stay unchanged.> Subaru: <But then, why?> Puck: <Because you're here.> Subaru: <—> Subaru's breath feels to stop.
Puck: <In this place... no, in this world, you're the only one who can stake their life for Lia like me. Through the time we've spent together until now, you've proved that. Lia would... if you exclude me, then you're probably who she'd rely on most. That's a definite. You can believe that.>
Subaru: <Even, said... I don't have amazing powers like you do, and I'm not incredible enough to blast the obstacles out of her way with brute force. The best I can do is puzzle things over with her, let her vent about her troubles... that's all. You really think you can task me with what comes after, when that's all I can do?>
Puck: <It looks like you're misunderstanding, I'm not saying I want you to replace me. The things only I can do are things only I can do. And taking the reverse of that, I'm expecting that the things only you can do will help Lia.>
Puck's words continue, not stopping at all. He blocks Subaru's routes of escape, so as not to lose the time for the decision on Emilia.
Puck: <Even without me, Lia is much stronger than you. And that is definitely in the sense of the STRENGTH you're talking about. But, just as you know, she's weak. She definitely has this WEAKNESS that I'm talking about. And I want you to give her support for that weakness.>
Subaru: <...When the contract severs and your connection breaks, what happens to you?>
Puck: <That I can be material like this is because of my pass with Lia. If that connection is broken, then I'll have to keep constantly materialized to preserve my existence. ...But, me continually being materialized means that I'm consuming the inexhaustible mana in the atmosphere dry. If you saw my true form, I'd suppose it'd definitely shock you, Subaru.>
The TRUE FORM Puck is talking about probably means when he is giant. The apex of quadrupeds, monster of raging blizzard, beast of the end. Indeed, if he has to remain in that form constantly, then there is no way he could continue existing.
Subaru: <So, then... you mean you'll be erased?>
Puck: <It's different from being erased. I'll just go back to being the small existence I was, before I contracted Lia. Somewhere with a deep connection to me... probably, it'll be Elior Forest. I'll go to sleep inside something there as my anchor, waiting for the time I'm awoken.>
Subaru: <Awoken... meaning?>
Puck: <By Lia, of course. —This is where the contract between me and her ends. But if a time comes where she needs to make a new contract, and she's going to choose a spirit partner... I know she'll choose me again. That's what I believe.>
Feeling that Puck spoke this in a cheery tone, Subaru swallows his breath. This was a decision where he might end up disappearing, but Puck's voice hosts not a fragment of unease. His personality is fundamentally optimistic—but irrelevant to this, as not even a shade of anxiety cloaks his voice.
Puck had not a single doubt that Emilia would choose him again.
Emilia, who would lose her contract with Puck and have to face her past. It does not even occur in his imaginings that Emilia would fail to fully accept her past, and be crushed. She would overcome her past, and when she next sought a contract, would choose him.
As far as Puck was concerned, that was definite. He does not doubt Emilia's strength, does not doubt the time he spent together with her, and so he is capable of choosing to sever his connection with her.
Subaru: <—>
For an always-wavering Subaru, it is a bond so strong and firm, it's dazzling. It was his deep love and trust for Emilia that allowed Puck's heart to be iron. Subaru: <And you're pushing it on me to comfort Emilia when she breaks down.> And so Subaru speaks in desperation, his tone rather resentful. Puck seems to click his throat, his tone one of smiling,
Puck: <It really does pain my heart to do it. But... I'm entrusting my precious daughter to you, so I'd like you to at least overcome that much together.> Subaru: <...I'll be taking that as you secretly accepting me as Emilia-tan's partner.> Puck: <If I blow you up right here, then I guess I'll have think over a lot of issues again.> Subaru: <That is some insanely terrifying revenge, you shitty goddamn cat!!> Replying to the extreme statement with rudeness, Subaru smiles just a little.
He defers to the depth Puck's feelings for Emilia. Although only slightly, this bantering from before the trench between them formed relaxes Subaru's mind a little. There was also something Subaru had figured, hearing that severing Puck's contract with Emilia would distance him from this place. Temporarily assuming that this goes well—then the equilibrium of the bet should shift more than a little.
Subaru: <I understand your plan. There's still some anxiety over whether it'll actually go as thought, but... I'll put on some feigned ignorance, and help you in your inductions.>
Puck: <I wonder what it must feel like, to manipulate the girl you love.> Subaru: <The guilt's gonna crush me stop it. And besides if Emilia sincerely does understand about lots of these things, then... after it's over, she'll probably notice that she was spurred into this, too.>
Puck: <If that happens, she might hate you for being complicit with me. Scared?> Subaru: <Well y'know what. When it's you you just have a teenage girl going, 'Don't put my dirty washing in along with my dad's!' level, our vectors of being hated are entirely different.> Puck being hated was entirely a family problem, while Subaru being hated was a deeper, more life-threatening thing. Though Emilia would probably understand if Subaru spoke to her will full sincerity.
Even if he can convince her about the purposes behind it, of course Emilia isn't going to feel good about being induced into a better frame of mind. —Surely, he would not be forgiven for that. Subaru: <This late, huh. —You're really saying that this late, when I've done countless unforgivable things and made her cry countless times, I don't have the resolve to do this?> Puck: <—> Subaru: <I'm accepting your terms, Puck. I'll be cleaning up your mess. If Emilia breaks down crying tomorrow morning... then she'll be doing it in my arms.>
Puck: <—Mhm. Well then, let's see me count on you for that. I think this is going to wind up pushing lots of troubles down the line onto you as well, though.> A slight sense of shame enters Puck's voice as Subaru accepts the proposal.
Closing one eye, Subaru begins with a, Subaru: “Well then,” Subaru: <Are you open to considering a proposal from me, as well?> Puck: <...A proposal.> Subaru: <Yeah, a proposal. Don't worry. I'm same as you, acting while thinking to secure a future which'll be good for Emilia.> Subaru thumps his hand to his chest. Puck's silence indicates his acceptance. Subaru: <There's some things I wanna ask, and things I wanna test once I've asked them. —Emilia could wake up, so let's keep this short.>
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