CHAPTER 98: A BED LOST OF WARMTH
—Close her eyes, and the memories of then come back vivid even now.
White. A world of white. Awakened and breathing frigid puffs, young Emilia realises that she is amid a snowscape. Why? asks her heart. But there is no answer. She cannot remember the context for this, and her consciousness is spotty.
She uprights her fallen body, runs to the window, and looks at the wintry scene outside. White demise cloaks the entirety of the village inside the familiar, verdant wood, now midway through a slow and progressive process of freezing.
Being that this is Emilia's first time seeing it, she cannot recognize with certainty that this is the phenomenon known as snow. But her instincts sear the biting chill vividly into her young memory.
Still unknowing of what is happening, her throat taut, Emilia breaks into a run with her expression tense. The moment she bounds out of the old house—out of the great, hollow tree—a cutting gale on her skin and a piercing cold at her feet assault the girl with their baptism.
The snow immediately grabs her foot, and she tumbles face-first to the ground. Freezing. Crystallized snow in white flakes. Encountering these white, falling flakes of ice births a terror in Emilia. They are so awesomely beautiful, but so horrifyingly cold.
With only these simple clothes—just a garment of thin cloth wrapped around her body—Emilia cannot counter the chill. The shivers racking her from her core originate from both the cold and from her terror. The snow pillages her of body heat, and the white crystals could captivate her heart. Emilia wails as she shoos the snow drifting around her away, and again runs.
Snowflakes dance down from the sky endlessly. The flakes fall to her jaw as she pants, sticking in her throat. She coughs, running, tears travelling down her face.
She didn't know why she was crying. But it's scary. She's afraid. Why was she alone here? Where did everybody go? Where did everybody, kind to her, who smiled at her, who would help her—where did they go?
She attempts to envision everybody's faces, but a muck clogs her thoughts. The faces of everybody in her mind—their faces, their smiles, the images painted over by black shadow, attempting to steal their presence out of Emilia's head.
Emilia: “—hk”
Shaking her head messily as tears flow down her face, Emilia keeps running. She must not think. If she thinks about everybody, the black shadow will consume them. Everyone precious to her will disappear from her mind. But if she does not think about everyone, she will be alone. In a cold, impenetrable world of white, alone—that was an unbearable terror for the young Emilia.
Young Emilia is without power and without knowledge. All she can do in this white demise is struggle. The falling snow coils around the struggling Emilia as if in mocking, her little body descending steadily into pure white doom.
—No one's here. She cannot meet anyone. Now, she will never ▓▓▓▓ everybody, just as she never had.
Emilia: “—Nhaa!”
Lost of where to go in this white world, her limbs numb and unmoving, Emilia falls into a squat as she cries like a baby. Her legs sink into the soft snow from the knees down, and although it must be cold, she does not feel it. Her white skin, often compared to the snow, now burns cold in ruborous red because of that very same stuff.
Just like that, running away from absolutely everything, Emilia clutches her head as she sinks into the snow. The snow falls mercilessly upon the young girl, piling up, as Emilia's small body disappears into the white, and—
???: “—EMILIA!!”
With her eyes closed and fallen into wakeless sleep, a scream rips through the silence to call her. Fringed with their long lashes, Emilia's eyes open as she springs up. The instant she does, her light body is pulled out of the snow and into an embrace.
Emilia: “—a”
???: “It's okay, Emilia. Everything is okay, you're okay. Thank goodness... I found you...”
She attempts to speak, but her perfectly frigid throat only manages a hazy breath. But the other understands Emilia's condition, hugging her, their voice trembling in pure joy at Emilia's safety. Brushing her face against their short silver hair, her nose red and sniffly, Emilia expresses her emotions bodily. To convey that, while they give her the ultimate in love, she feels the same way about them.
This happiness again, of being cradled in their arms, and to speak there with them. Amidst the snow which had conveyed little Emilia the despair—perhaps everything is all over— there definitively existed a warmth, here, right here.
Still hugging Emilia who shivers from joy and cold, the woman with short, silver hair and a relieved expression now stiffens her face, looking around the surroundings as she starts running. She draws her lips close to Emilia's ear, exhaling breaths of white.
Woman: “Emilia, hear me? I know you must be worried about lots of things, and not know what's going on, but... everything is okay. I'll do something about all of this. Even if you and me maybe end up separated, you will absolutely never be alone...”
Though the woman's words are urgent, Emilia does not understand what she is hearing. But the idea that she would be separated from this person is terrifying. Her numb fingers grip at the woman's chest, and she shakes her head vigorously. For young and ignorant Emilia, appealing to the emotions of others is her only point of savvy. It was by continuously doing this that Emilia managed to remain an Emilia loved by everybody. She had always done it. And so here at this juncture, too, and from hereon out—
Emilia: “—!”
Woman: “No, you musn't, Emilia. Even if it was okay so far, you can't keep doing it from now on. You need to be a strong, smart, brave girl. If you aren't, you won't be able to accept yourself, and I know you'll meet a sad end. And for me, that's... for everybody, and for my brother, that's a sorrowful thing.”
Emilia: “—u”
She frantically shakes her head. But nevertheless, the woman heartlessly disregards Emilia's urging. She rebukes Emilia's reliance on others, saying she musn't do it.
She can't believe it. Of course she would find it painful. Doing this had always allowed her to do something about things, even things she was told she mustn't do. So why wasn't it working this time? Why was her usual practice ineffective now, at the most painful, difficult, and scary moment thus far? If there were more correct methods, then how had she managed to reach this point without knowing them? —She was rather starting to detest everybody.
Emilia: “—!”
Woman: “I'm sorry, Emilia. I am so sorry. Never told you even a single important thing, hiding absolutely everything... letting you stay a cute princess forever, please forgive me... forgive us.”
—No forgiveness. No forgiveness. No forgiveness. No forgiveness. No forgiveness. No forgiveness.
Woman: “The people around you who treasured your smile, and the tender lies they told, please don't hate them...”
—Hated them. Loathed them. Loathed them. Loathed them. Loathed them. Loathed them. Loathed them.
Emilia: “—”
She hated lies. She detested lies. Lies were entirely sad things. Lies were the reason behind everything which hadn't gone her way. Lies were making Emilia alone. She hated lies. Detested lies. Detested liars. Everybody is just a stupid ▓▓▓▓.
Woman: “Our adorable Emilia... someday, to you...”
Emilia: “—”
Emilia screams in silence. She doesn't want to hear any more. Hearing whatever wouldn't change anything. The blustering gale, and Emilia's shriek, drown the woman's final words to nothing.
The silver-haired woman looks sadly at Emilia's rejection, and her rigorous struggling, but nevertheless she dispels all her emotions as she faces onward—
Woman: “—Auh,”
—That is when the true end comes.
The woman who ran with Emilia in her hold perceives the presence before her, and stops. The faint jolt prompts Emilia to look up, and into her vision—she sees the face of the woman holding her, looking more tense than Emilia has ever seen. In her expression is surprise and sorrow, rage and grief, disgust and aspiration—and a slight relief.
Battering at Emilia's cheeks, the cold, white gale intensifies. The blizzard whirls strong enough to make even opening her eyes an effort. Overwhelmed with terror, Emilia puts her hands to her nigh-frozen ears—screams. And—
And—.
————.
—————————.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
The fifth morning in SANCTUARY—which for Natsuki Subaru is the big day for prevailing over this loop series—begins with the absolute worst of news.
Ram: “Barusu. —Where has Emilia-sama gone?”
Subaru: “—Huh?”
Having washed his face at the waterin' spot and wiped himself with a wet cloth, Subaru listens to Ram's statement as she unhesitatingly barges into a location full of shirtless men, and responds to her with blank astonishment.
Early morning has just passed. In the old world it would be approximately 8 AM. The evacuees and residents have woken up, and the men are at the waterhole, just done washing off their sweat from the night. And then Ram magnificently showed up and fired off that question.
The presence of a woman here as if that is natural flusters some of the men, who swiftly evacuate, but Subaru has no time to tease them for it. After all, he doesn't comprehend what Ram said in the least.
Subaru: “Emilia... what?”
Ram: “It's as I said. I went to wait upon Emilia-sama, only for the building to be vacant. I had been certain that you'd taken her outside, but...”
Subaru: “Vacant... how did that happen? I left the building after properly talking with her when she woke up... then, here.”
Unable to hide his shock, Subaru thinks back on the happenings from this morning. He had held her hand through the night—or been told to—and upon waking in the morning and seeing Subaru watching over her at her bedside, a quiet smile had arisen on Emilia's face. Subaru had thought that another uncharacteristically good awakening from her. She lowered her gaze down to her hand, still gripped in Subaru's, before speaking quietly to him with his desire to continue the conversation from last night.
Emilia: “I want to talk after I've sorted it all out in my head properly. I'll have Ram arrange my outfitting, and when that's done, I know I'll be able to talk.”
And with that she expelled Subaru from the room. While Subaru had been impatient, considering what Emilia's feelings were, to rush her would be cruel. Most importantly, Emilia was calm. Attending to her too much might wind up having the opposite effect than intended. Is what Subaru had determined, but...
Subaru: “So I left, and was thinking to leave the rest to you...”
Ram: “And you exited the building before receiving me... is what happened. I see. —You blundered, Barusu.”
Subaru: “—”
Subaru has no defence. Letting his guard down about Emilia and failing to transfer her over to Ram was his mistake. But he hadn't conceived that it would've resulted in this, when the one in question was Emilia.
Subaru: “Could she've stepped outside a second for nature's call, or...?”
Ram: “Do you think I am careless enough that I would have neglected to check the surroundings along the way here?”
Subaru: “That wasn't what I... but, if that wasn't it, then...”
Ram: “You truly do not understand?”
Ram's gaze is cold as usual, but just in that instant, the chill intensifies. Her eyes carry the same look as they had last night, when she glanced at Subaru seemingly in boredom. Seeing the disappointment and dejection in her eyes, Subaru lowers his own.
Subaru: “—Emilia ran away, is what you're saying?”
Ram: “How else is there to interpret this? Or do you mean that the faction opposing SANCTUARY's liberation had been waiting with a tiger's vigilance for yourself and myself to stray from Emilia¬sama's side, and on this very morning, actualized their plots... is that what you wish to believe?”
Subaru: “...It's not entirely impossible.”
Ram: “To cling to that is incorrigibly repulsive. Either way, it will not change the fact of Emilia¬sama's absence. Even should you disregard her inability to leave SANCTUARY, this is bad.”
Her attitude is harsh, but Ram does have the forethought to keep her voice quiet enough that no one will overhear. Should it get out that Emilia disappeared after challenging the TRIAL, it's liable to result in Roswaal's reputation getting soiled. Ram must have judged this topic as one to be handled discreetly.
Subaru: “Emilia...”
Subaru calls her name as he raises his head, his voice a weak murmur. Like Ram said, even assuming that Emilia has abandoned everything and is attempting to run away, there is no way that her half-elf self can exit SANCTUARY's barrier. Emilia remains bound to SANCTUARY, running and running but never to get away. She isn't so foolish that she would fail to recognize that. But, assuming that she had been so cornered that she nevertheless wanted to flee, then...
Subaru: “That's my and Puck's responsibility...”
Puck's failure to imagine how great the shock of the contract breaking would be to Emilia was his mistake. Subaru's failure to notice her signals and misreading her as being calm was his mistake.
Ram: “Accepting that Emilia-sama has fled and is in hiding... Barusu, ideas?”
Subaru: “Wait. Don't just decide that she's run off. Even saying she's going somewhere, not like you can just get around this SANCTUARY without anybody seeing you. It basically never happens that Emilia goes wandering around the place, either.”
Ram sighs, giving a slight nod.
Ram: “I will recognize that was hasty of me, but what are we to do? You're here, so it's obvious that the men have not seen her. Then are we to put our hopes in the chance that the women, remaining in the cathedral, have spotted her?”
Subaru: “The people from Arlam Village will come tell us if they saw Emilia staggering around by herself. Worst case, one of SANCTUARY's people might've seen her... we can start going through them first, and we shouldn't be too late to come up with conclusions after.”
Although speedily setting up these plans, Subaru more or less understands that all he's doing is postponing the conclusion. Ram is listening to Subaru's proposals, but most likely she is thinking the exact same thing. The common points of recognition between Ram and Subaru are that Emilia has absconded of her own volition, and that it would be inconvenient for that information to get too widespread. Whether they're thinking it for the sake of Emilia or for Roswaal is another issue, though.
Ram: “Should one of us find her swiftly, it will be our narrow escape. But it would be best to keep the worst of possibilities in mind. You do understand, Barusu.”
Subaru: “...Don't really want to think about it, though.”
Ram's reminder doubles as an admonition: Do not avert your eyes from the worst possibility. The chance that Emilia misses the TRIAL, they proceed to go without finding her, and the fact of her absence leaks throughout SANCTUARY—there would be no recovering from the injury. Subaru and the others, who know the situation, must put in efforts to resolve the issue before this can happen.
Subaru: “If we go asking around and still can't find her...”
Ram: “We'll need to expend all the effort we can to comb the forest.”
Subaru: “...That's not gonna be finished in just one or two days.”
Raising his head, Subaru looks at the trees of the forest surrounding SANCTUARY, his brows furrowing. While SANCTUARY has the barrier severing it from outside contact, this woodland is plenty big enough to hide an individual person. And supposing that Emilia is hiding in the forest, she wouldn't even have to stay rooted in one place.
Today, and tomorrow. There are at most 48 hours left before the deadline for the bet and the contract. Within that timeframe they have to find Emilia, make her challenge the TRIAL, and beat it.
—Can he do it? Can he, who cornered Emilia this deep, and had not noticed the storminess of her heart, grant a cornered Emilia the strength to move forward?
Subaru: “You're seriously overestimating me here, Puck...”
Ram: “...I wonder if this is also connected to the contract with the Great Spirit severing.”
Subaru: “In the sense of her losing her biggest mental support, doubt it's unrelated. But neither of us thought it'd make her snap like this.”
There was one more trigger, something, which had added to her stress. Thinking back on calm Emilia from last night and this morning, that's all Subaru can figure.
Subaru: “—”
No way, he thinks. He had surely acted after confirming it properly. But, just hypothetically, supposing that Emilia had noticed—
Otto: “—Natsuki-san!”
The sharp call makes Subaru's shoulders jolt in surprise. He looks, to find a grey-haired young man giving a big wave of his hand, sprinting toward him from the village plaza. It's Otto, who has not participated in the morning bath, and had supposedly been preparing breakfast with the villagers in the cathedral.
He reaches Subaru, pale-faced, putting his hands to his knees as he breathes ragged breaths.
Otto: “Th-there are several things I need to report. There are quite a number if you go into the particulars, but... for now, the larger two. There is good news and bad news.”
Subaru: “Your news has my interest, but first I have a question. Did Emilia show up at all over at the cathedral? Was anyone talking about her, anything?”
Otto: “—? No, I've yet to see her this morning. I haven't heard anyone at the cathedral saying anything, either.”
Otto scrunches his face as Subaru prioritizes a question of no obvious purpose over the news. Subaru and Ram's expressions both darken in hearing the answer. Otto perceives their unrest, but judges that his report is more important than mentioning that.
Otto: “So, good news and bad news... which would you like?”
Subaru: “Don't like that they're a pair but nothing to do about that... okay, good news first.”
If he hears the bad news, he'll probably need a lot of time to figure out a counter-plan. And regardless he's presently in the worst of situations, where Emilia is missing. He would prefer to avoid doubling up on horrid news and getting stuck in a conundrum. Otto crosses his arms, nodding.
Otto: “The good news, then. I've completed negotiations with the evacuees exactly as we arranged. They've made their respective preparations, and are ready to go today at any moment you want. I requested that they keep themselves ready to respond even to abrupt instructions, so they're possible even immediately prior.”
Subaru: “—Right. Sorry. Really, I should've been the one talking to them and getting them to help.”
Otto: “Fortunately, my amicability with everyone had intensified over these few days. And when you consider our ongoing acquaintance, it's sincerely serendipitous that I had this opportunity. But either way, preparations went without problems.”
Otto voice is firm, but despite his laudable achievements, his face is nothing bright. Whatever problem happened had been serious enough to overshadow that good news, then? Yielding to Otto's silent gaze, Subaru presses for the other report—the bad news.
Subaru: “And so what's the bad news?”
Otto: “Just a moment ago, an enraged Garfiel came storming into the cathedral, irate and looking for you.”
Subaru: “Looking for me? Why? I don't think I've meddled enough yet this time for this to be happening...”
With this loop being the final one, Subaru's persuasion of Garfiel awaits. He needed to practice extreme caution while interacting with Garfiel, and even after arranging things with Otto and establishing the bet with Roswaal, Subaru had avoided conversing with Garfiel as much as he possibly could. It had paid off, and he had managed to reach the Big Day without ever really interacting with Garfiel, until this morning.
Subaru: “If we can, it'd be more ideal to deal with him after negotiating with Lewes Theta...”
Otto: “That's the thing.”
Otto raises his finger. Subaru's eyes widen in surprise, not understanding what Otto's THAT is referring to.
While Subaru remains confused, Otto speaks with his expression grave.
Otto: “That Lewes-san apparently went missing this morning. Garfiel is searching through the village, his expression frantic. This is how he's looking to talk to you.”
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